Chapter 14
'You can have him!' harshly meets her first step out, the words hitting her like an unexpected draught and making her stop before she even properly thinks to.
With her heart still at Ron's bedside, though the spoken words don't really upset her plan to continue leaving, though she does stop her feet, it's alert enough to remind her to protect her incapacitated friend. It's with that thought that she hastily looks back, despite being too out of the room to see him where he lies, looking to confirm that he's still safe. That she can see deeper than the immediate entrance isn't something that stops her from confirming that he's still protected inside there. So long as no one managed to sneak in past her, then he's all right. However, there's still the words that were spoken, so she returns her eyes to her front and in a short amount of time, she's face to face with an angry, disdainful-looking Lavender, who's apparently just jumped into her immediate space.
'What?' she softly wonders, rightfully confused and then needing to hear what's going on.
'You heard me!' Lavender exclaims to her face, her hair flying in front of her as a reflection of her emotions. 'Don't play stupid, you – You – You selfish, horrible, inconsiderate person! I believed you! You said you didn't like him!'
Confused still, a little more now, she thinks, she blinks at the other girl, only really wondering, 'What's going on here?' but asking, 'Are you talking to me?'
She has to know that, because from the first harsh command to the last outburst, there's no context on which to base any of what was said to her or if it really was directed to her. For all she knows, there might just be someone hiding close-by, and all of this is some sort of prank on her.
'You never cared about him before!' Lavender cries her response. 'It was probably you who sent him that love potion! He called your name, and you ran to his side!' At this last part, the other girl points a finger at her just before dropping to finish with, 'Everyone heard it! Everyone saw it! You can't deny it!'
No, she can't do that - she wasn't even thinking to, but, 'Ron's my friend,' she reminds Lavender, which earns her an ugly sound of disbelief.
'Go on, then! Keep him!' Lavender shrilly cries, taking a step back. 'I don't want him anymore! Tell him that it's over! I never want to speak to him again.'
But why?
It's all that she can wonder for the immediate moment after Lavender announces her intention. There was so much bitterness accompanying her words, that it's not even funny to dwell on. Is Lavender affected by Ron's condition to this point? What, all that because she reacted the way that she did to being called by Ron? Where between caring at her Ron's side and reluctantly leaving long after everyone already left, did it seem like she wanted him? Also, if she'd wanted something with Ron, she would have waited until he was conscious and not so many people were there to see her want him.
'Don't be unfair!' she pleads, quite desperate to be heard and understood, both for herself and for Ron. 'How can I not be there when he is sick? He's my friend. I care about him. How do you expect –'
'Keep him!' Lavender coldly cuts her, her expression thoroughly disgusted and then she's dramatically flipping away in the opposite direction in angry stomps.
'What?' she calls aloud, firstly disbelieving that she was just left on an unfinished note and then very lost as to how to go on from here; whether to move on as though never interrupted with stupid nonsense, or to take a moment for reflection.
Thanks to it being a Saturday, she doesn't have to return to class, thus affording her the time and space to reflect, but where does she start even if she was to? Lavender's a jealous girl, she's always been that, so she shouldn't waste her time on that, but say that there was some truth to her jealousy, is she serious? Keep Ron – he's not a possession, is he? How else was she supposed to care about Ron's condition without being there with him? Really, some people need to start using their brains more, not suddenly ambush her and then just as suddenly leave her feeling unsatisfied with the ending.
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It's actually a task well done that she managed to find him at all. If not for the fact that Dumbledore left Harry soon after he left, she would have gone to Harry for his map. With the map, she would have intercepted his walk, blocking his advance much sooner than now.
'Your door was locked,' she says, partly whining and making sure to keep her feet planted in front of him.
He barely glances at her, however, almost as if to say that her words mean nothing to him before stepping around her and effortlessly keeping on with his journey. Knowing him, she's to follow him, or she's to leave him in peace, which is why she doesn't take his lack of acknowledgement seriously.
'I knocked, but you didn't open,' she persists as she falls into step with him, her eyes doing their part of watching for his reaction, only to find his face hardening.
'I have no reason to keep it open,' he tells her, making it sound as harshly as it's probably meant to sound, if his expression is anything to go by.
Unlike just a moment ago when she let go of him not giving her proper recognition for being with him, this recent dismissal stings her so hard that she stops, feeling unable to keep moving. He doesn't notice the interruption at first, it's only after taking two steps forwards, when he looks to his side and doesn't find her there, that he spins his head back to look for her. Spotting her rooted behind him, he comes to a complete stop as well, his eyes narrowing at her.
'What now?' he asks in the same harsh tone from before.
Despite the fact that he stops, seemingly minding her, everything about his reaction stings her oh-so-badly. She doesn't like his impatience one bit or his tone, for that matter. It's all too much like his earlier behaviour in the infirmary with Ron. He'd been short with her for no reason at all then, singling her out even when Lavender came in with her shrill wailing.
'What warrants that from you?' he demands, one long stride bringing him to her as he pulls an irritated face. 'Do you mean to follow me and then have me chase after you according to your desire? Go back now and leave me to my peace, if that is the case.'
'I – No,' she scrambles to say when she realises that he's actually giving her the option to behave while with him. But then he's already turning away from her, forcing her to quickly get her feet to move after him. 'It's only that your words startled me. I didn't think you'd say that. I want to -'
'Why are you following me?' he interrupts her without sparing her a look. 'Who did you the disservice of removing you from Weasley's side? You couldn't be bothered to detach yourself from him yesterday, as I recall.'
'I'm worried about Ron. What if something happens to him while I'm not there?'
She means for that to explain why she took longer than everyone else to leave his side. Even now, her mind is on him, furiously wondering what sort of dangerous effect the mixture of a love potion and poison could have on him, on his body. He's so proud of himself for being a Keeper, but what if -
'He won't die,' he replies to her plea, his delivery extremely clipped.
'It's not fair!' she begins, consciously choosing to focus on the part of him that's giving an ear to her worries and not his other side. 'He shouldn't be in there. Those girls shouldn't be sending anyone love potions, especially if they didn't brew it themselves. What if something happens to him because of them?'
It's precisely what she needed when she went looking for him after Lavender left her with distasteful feelings; she knew that she'd need someone to talk to, someone to complain about her friend's condition.
'He will be fine,' he repeats dryly, though this time, he does look at her. 'Unless what you fear is him being infatuated with another girl. Rivalry is your fear, is it, Miss Granger?'
'He doesn't like other girls,' she rebuts a little too eagerly even to her own ears.
It's not to brag or make herself seem important, it's only to make it known that he wouldn't like any random girl without the aid of a love potion – she's always been his interest. His responding huff isn't something that she misses, nor faults, to be honest, she only takes it to mean that he'll continue to listen to her.
'We always fight and he infuriates me most of the time, but I don't want anything to happen to him, because some girl thinks it romantic to drug someone to like them! It was pathetically desperate of them to do that! It's stupid, really! He wouldn't even really like them, he'd only be bound by magic to like them,' she closes off with an irritated cluck.
'Haven't you heard? He will be fine,' he maintains, which oddly fuels her to push him harder for assurance.
It's not that she doesn't believe him, because she does, it's rather that knowing that she can make her concerns known, she has a hunger to exhaust her worry in the hope that it will leave her completely once she does.
'Is there something that I could brew him?' she distractedly wonders aloud. 'I don't know what I'd do if I lost him.'
Right then, acting as a direct unfiltered reaction to her, he faces her with all of his body, stops just like that as the most triggered expression clouds his face.
'If you doubt my word, then you have no reason to be following me,' he hisses quite close to her face, which makes heartbeat pick up faster with a little bit of fear.
Is this really him?
She hurriedly searches his face all over; from his eyes, to his cheeks, to his eyes, to his lips, to his eyes one last time, that desperate to recognise who he is. It's an intricate need, fabricated so deeply into her heart that really, if he doesn't return to himself in a second, she'll fall apart.
'Damn it, girl!' he roughly throws her way, having quickly moved from being irritated and unnecessarily harsh to fuming. 'Don't look at me that way! I've spoken no evil to you. Weasley will be fine, but if you require endless assurances, know that I will not give them to you. I will not be worn out by you, nor have I the desire to listen to you pine after him. Miss Brown made your coveting perfectly clear, as did you! Your mindless displays did not move me as you'd planned! Had you been hoping to move me into helping you with treating him further, you've not thought about your method really well. Return to him, hold his hand some more and then come back to me with a better way to request for my help. You might move me better then, if you're so deluded into thinking that I have nothing better to do with my time.'
What?
As she breathes in and out, doing so heavily with each alternative, he studies her, probably waiting for his words to settle into her being. His words gave her a bit of a clue as she replays them now, though, his unwavering face is what makes her realise what's upset him. It's ridiculous, though, what he's believing. Just like Lavender a while ago, he's completely wrong, especially, since he knows how her relationship with Ron looks like. For him to conveniently forget that now and make it seem as though she's a lovelorn witch, being utterly so cruel with his words about it, pokes at her heart quite some.
'You don't need to be so rude, Professor,' she snippily tells him. 'I didn't want you to solve anything for me. I only wanted you to listen to me.'
He's being totally unreasonable, she's decided. Even him not having a solution, she would've just needed to know that she could tell him something about her feelings. She'd come to him believing that she would've had comfort in knowing that he'd listen to her without complaint, despite not asking to hear about any it, except, it's turning out to be different and it's not fair on her.
'What's come over you?' he coldly demands, looking just about ready to swallow her.
He's what's come over her, she wants to respond with, but she only manages to pull an angry face in response to him stepping in and closing in on her, not precisely looming over her, or completely invading her space, but quite imposing on her that she takes a step back from him. That earns her a cold and short laugh from him, which honestly hurts her more than anything from him has done so far. Is he that different that he'd laugh at her feelings?
'What made you think that I wanted to listen to you talk about a boy who's been after you for years as your Head of House assures?' he continues to demand. 'I'm not going to stand around and hear you confess your feelings for the boy, Miss Granger. Have you no shame? You do not beg to stay in my house one moment, and the next, run to complain to me about a boy who clearly wishes you were together. Spare me your wiles of pining after him!'
'I'm pining for his life, not his love,' she cries, only looking to correct him, not defend herself. 'How can you even say something so foul? Don't you care if he dies? You're being mean for nothing! I only want him to be better.'
'Then I suggest that you want that away from my ears,' he delivers with a finality that's only punched in all the more by him stepping past her and going in the direction that they just walked from.
Fuming, she spins around, wanting to shout after him and tell him that she's not a pest, that he shouldn't treat her like one, but finding that he's already gone from sight, his black clothes nowhere to be seen, as though he simply Apparated away, her stomach heavily drops. Left with no immediate solution for his departure, she reluctantly remains where she is, but in doing that, her anger fades into the wave of helplessness that comes over her. It's like her run-in with Lavender all over again, only more significant and very dispiriting. From him, she expected better, wanted more, actually, not to be received harshly or to hear things that are completely not true! On top of that, he simply goes ahead and walks away just like that? Like – as if she's overly bothersome and he couldn't have waited to leave her stranded on her own!
Why would he do that to her?
He knows that she trusts him to reassure her! And if not that, he must know that she would've still come to him even if Ron wasn't poisoned and love-potioned! He must know – there's no way that he doesn't know, so why couldn't he just have picked up her hand and told her that it was all going to be all right in his specific roundabout way?
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In case he's expecting Lavender to drop by now that he's awake, she things that Harry should be the one to deliver the news to him. Knowing how touchy Ron can get about a lot of things, Harry should rather be the one to deliver the unpleasant news.
'It's better that you do it, Hermione,' Harry shakes his head as he tells her. 'He'd like it if it came from you.'
He says that, and a part of her wants to believe the possibly, but she really doubts it. No matter how softly and carefully she could say it, the chances are that it'll end up sounding like a gloating blow to Ron. Given their history, most of all how she reacted when she was first confronted with his relationship with Lavender, Ron might misinterpret her words one way or another. It's already bad enough that Lavender said it to her, not him; she really shouldn't have more to do with this.
'Can't you tell him?' she begs, still believing that at the bare minimum Ron would prefer the news to come from another boy rather than a girl.
The small detail of her taking hold of his hand should be enough to soften him up, she hopes. Really, Harry doesn't understand, she doesn't want to be the one who gives Ron the unfortunate news right after he's awoken. In a perfect scenario, there'd be nothing entirely bad about warning someone about something before they got ahead of themselves with excitement, except, with Ron, not everything will always be a perfect scenario, no matter the intention.
'Please,' she begs, squeezing his hand and hoping that will make all the needed difference.
'Trust me, Hermione,' he squeezes her hand back, 'he'd like it if you told him. Maybe even make a joke about how glad you are?'
'Harry, no,' she immediately but softly refuses his suggestion. 'I can't do that.'
While yes, she is sort of relieved that he can move on to someone better, someone who will really like him from their core, but she would be extremely wrong to express that. Not only for the fact that it would send Ronald the wrong idea about them, but also that it would sound like a jovial response to his pain. No, she really couldn't do that.
'Okay, okay,' he surrenders with a shrug, 'but you will still have to tell him about it.'
She tries to appeal to him one last time, pulling the best of her pleading looks, but Harry only shakes his head, clearly not falling for her plea. Although uncomfortable with the duty, she ends up nodding in defeat and quickly, so as not to give it more thought, she releases Harry's hand to fully step into the room. Harry steps in after her, easily falling into step beside her. Along the way, he steals two glances at her, which she deliberately ignores; whatever he's thinking, he should have thought of that before refusing to help her out. At Ron's bed, they take either side of him as they welcome him back with heartfelt cheer. In a little while, Harry's recounting just how useless Slughorn had been in all that happened with Ron, first with the love potion and then the poison. Ron laughs along with them at the tale of Slughorn freezing with fear, agreeing and pointing out that even 'slimy Snape' would have acted fast, knowing what to do. They cluelessly laugh away, not noticing her shifting her feet at the mention of Professor Snape.
'Ron, it's Lavender,' she says suddenly, it being her only way of stopping them from mentioning the man who is making her heart flip in reaction; she's still very sensitive about yesterday and she'd prefer it if they didn't mention him until she's okay with him.
Unperturbed, he doesn't even bother to sit up more than he is, though he does ask, 'What about her?' sounding bored about it.
'She said –' she begins, only to stop and look at Harry who shrugs at her, pushing her to consider that maybe she shouldn't have jumped into it so soon. As much as she's realised her mistake, though, she can't just not say anything more now that's out. 'It's – I'm really sorry, Ron, she doesn't want to be going out with you anymore.'
She means it. Being quite familiar with what it's like to be pushed to the side, she understands what it's like to be pushed to the side, her apology really is from the heart. Fine, she only brought the subject up to ease her own sensitivity, but she really doesn't like to be the one to tell him something so personal. She certainly wouldn't have liked it if after their corridor argument, Professor Snape sent, say Malfoy to tell her that he no longer wishes to see her. She can imagine that his absent silence is evidence of his own feelings, much more when he leans back in bed.
'Oh,' he softly says after a short silence, and thinking to tell him that she's sorry, but then he leans back in bed and breaks out into a dreamy smile.
It very much contrasts how she believed he would react – it makes her stop for a moment, a little lost, to be honest. What did she miss? Was Lavender already here? She shifts her eyes to Harry, who she finds half smiling at Ron – they're both odd!
'Aren't you, you know, sad?' she wonders, looking from one boy to the other.
Was this why Harry insisted on her telling Ron? Did he know that this would happen?
'She was always so jealous,' he nonchalantly returns. 'Of you the most, Hermione. We don't have to deal with that anymore.'
Well, fine, Lavender's jealousy was never a secret, but she'd prefer it if Ron was even a little bit bothered by his break-up. The way that he looks at her, it's as if to say that they now have the freedom to move around since Lavender has left him. She has no part in that 'we' of his, except, it'd be insensitive to say that to him, so she only shrugs to make as if she's not bothered by any of it.
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It just had to be the first unwelcome thing that she sees in the morning. On a Monday morning of all mornings, and that before she's touched her breakfast! How is she supposed to eat now, when her stomach is behaving funnily and her appetite is suddenly pretending not to exist?
Ugh, why is everything unfair like this?
Why is he saying something 'important-looking' to Trelawney?
And why is Trelawney responding while touching him on the shoulder?
Just look at him over there, allowing that woman to carry on that way with him, but she's apparently not allowed to worry about her friend in front of him, without being accused of pining for him. Seeing him now, she concludes that he's also that then - what he called her. He called her shameless, when he doesn't appear to have any shame himself!
When he goes on like that with Trelawney, everyone will obviously think that there's something going on between them. Soon, she'll start hearing the rumours about them being a couple, since firstly, Trelawney touched him in front of the whole school and secondly, his engagement with her is clear as day. Talk about shameless to the last degree!
Well, he mustn't think that she'll defend him from the rumours that will come from his show – not when he's being cordial with Trelawney at the same time that he's being unreasonably short with her without an explanation. As she remembers their last exchange in great depth, she's suddenly disliking Trelawney a little too much, that she sharply turns away from them, feeling no need for her to see them off to their seats.
Whatever his problem is, though, or if he's trying to communicate something to her through his actions, she won't just let it be. As sure as her name is Hermione Granger, come Dumbledore or Slughorn against her attempt, she'll find out from before the day is over. Although until then, stealing a hastened look their way at the table, she doesn't like that they're still having a long conversation as if he's all right with everyone that he should be all right with; namely her.
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Along with those close to her, her attention is immediately fixed on Ron, who despite being two spaced out pairs away from her defence pair, exclaims quite the poignant, 'Blimey! You cut me!' as though he was right next to her. Unlike everyone else in the class who keeps their unmoving position, however, she doesn't waste time in pushing through the others to make it to where Ron is.
He was only released from the infirmary this morning, runs through her head as fast as she is rushing to his side. Because of that, he missed not only proper Hogwarts breakfast, but also the first two classes on his timetable, so he can't just get into another accident when he's barely found his feet after waking up only yesterday. Encouraged to move faster by that thought, (and the tiny one that's still afraid to lose him unexpectedly if she blinks too much and loses sight of him) she swerves around the two people leading to Ron's pair and in no time at all, she's hurriedly pulling his hand away from his cheek and keeping it down between them, to examine the wound with careful eyes.
It doesn't look deep, she takes note. In fact, it's one that even Ron can heal himself, although, she can't blame him for not being at his best after being in bed for nearly three days. Vaguely, she hears footsteps approach, but too concerned with pulling out her wand and rectifying what his idiot partner did to him, she doesn't bother to look around. If it's Harry finally joining them, fine. If it's the person responsible for using an unauthorised spell on her friend, then they better move away before she throws a jinx their way.
'There, finished,' she whispers only to assure herself that her healing work has held and she's done a good job of looking after her friend.
Ron must hear what she says to herself, for he pulls his hand free from her restrictive grasp and brings it up to feel for the cut. Tentatively the first time, he circles his palm around his whole cheek, obviously testing how well of a job she's done, and then seemingly satisfied with the result, he flattens his hand across his cheek as a dreamy smile crosses his face.
'Wow, Hermione, thanks. It's gone,' he says at last, which oddly acts as an encouragement to both let out her relief and belated unexpressed worry from the beginning.
'Oh, Ron,' she emotionally lets out, her arms circling around his neck to pull him into her in relief.
He shouldn't frighten her like that again. Just a while back she had to sit by and listen to Professor Snape groan in his sleep and do absolutely nothing for him, thus, she clings onto him for a while more, embracing that at least for this one small accident, she could do something for him. Around them, perfectly in tune with Ron's arms coming around her, a suggestive 'Oooooooh,' sounds out, it being insinuating enough to have her pulling back from him. Not completely, however, seeing as she's not yet fully willing to let him away from her and into trouble's hands.
'Are you all right?' she asks him, and when he nods, only then does she dare to move away from him and look around close to them.
Besides Harry with a stupid smile on his face, the only other person that she notices staring directly at the two of them, is him. Some part inside of her moves with the reconciliation that of course, he would have seen everything happen in his class, and another part inside of her freezes at well, the simple fact that she hadn't thought about him once during her hurry to see to Ron. Despite the conflicting reactions within, she's still able to pull in a soft gasp and thankfully put a smidgeon more of a distance between her and Ron.
She's been careless, she tells herself as she waits for him to accuse her of making a show of herself once again. He looks on the ready to say something, she can tell. He might be able to convince her classmates of the lie that he is simply waiting for her and Ron to be finished with their show, that he is evaluating the situation for what it is, but his tight face, his boring eyes especially speak the truth of his state to her. With the memory of Saturday still painfully scorched into her mind, a small thump of apprehension fills her, nearly all the way expecting to finally hear him announce to the rest of the class how stupid she's making herself look in front of everyone.
He please must not do that to her, not inside this class. It would be too humiliating to have him paint her desperately in love with her friend. Silently, she pleads with his eyes, slightly moving her head from side to side, wishing that he would hear her, please.
'Return to your partner,' he says looking directly at her, the clearest sign that he's heard her request, something which she is quite grateful for.
In turn, she does what he asks, leaving Ron behind to return to her partner for the remainder of the class. While going back to her place, she sees Lavender eye her angrily, actually leaning over and whispering something to the Ravenclaw girl standing next to her. She does her best not to allow it sink into her skin, but even as she goes through the rest of the class, their derision is still very much in the back of her mind.
Right through to the end of the lesson, her previous resolve to stay behind and ask the professor why he's been rude to her lately has dwindled enough, that she's convinced herself of confronting him only the next time that he's rude to her. There are only so many uninterrupted bad things that she can take for before crumbling, and so she packs away all of her things and moves to join Ron in heading out. What stops her in her tracks is his smooth call for 'Weasley' to stay behind, as on her right, Ron freezes a moment before looking at her with frightened wonder.
'What?' she whispers, feeling that his response is too exaggerated; why would he fear by asked to stay behind?
'Stay with me,' he whispers back, suddenly grabbing her hand and holding it firmly in his own. 'He'll at least not hurt me as much if you're there.'
Ha! She wishes!
If only Ron knew that they haven't said a civil word to each other in forever. In fact, it might just irritate him more if she stays where he didn't ask her to. Although he's stayed true to never embarrass her in public, she's certain that he wouldn't have a problem speaking freely in the company of only her friends. If she's going to stay with him, she'll have to do it with a protesting spirit. But first, she has to try and get out of Ron's request.
'He's not going to hurt you, Ron,' she says, but her eyes travel to their professor just to confirm it.
Really, she thinks as her eyes meet his dark ones, despite what's said about him, even despite his own feelings, he's proven that after everything, he's still a teacher and that his place isn't to hurt any of his students. She admires that about him, if he doesn't know. She wouldn't so easily be able to put her feelings aside and do what she's not obligated to for someone who doesn't deserve it.
'He cut my cheek,' Ron urgently whispers close to her ear, apparently having leaned in without her noticing. The revelation is shocking to her, so much so that she doesn't dare to take her eyes off Professor Snape. 'What else do you think he can do to me? Just stay, please.'
His 'please', more than anything else, works a miracle in her, making her nod in acceptance with her eyes still stuck on their teachers. It's that it doesn't make sense. Why would he cut Ron's cheek? Did he do it to see how she would react? They move towards him at the table, with Ron refusing to let go of her hand. As soon as they reach him, he averts his gaze to Ron, seemingly calculating something about it.
'Take that,' he points to a phial of potion on the table.
'What is it?' Ron wants to know, only, he looks at her while he does, not at him.
'Take it or leave it, Weasley. I care nothing at all what you do,' Ron is told before the man abruptly starts towards the door, saying nothing else to them.
'Take it, Ron,' she urges, looking only fill the short silence left behind.
She may not be a master at detecting potions and such, though she can't imagine that he'd give Ron something dangerous. It's obviously useful and important in some way, otherwise he wouldn't have bothered to offer it. Professor Snape simply isn't the sort to offer things just like that.
'I'm not taking that,' he refuses, pulling his face about it. 'I don't know what it is.'
'It can't be anything dangerous,' she tries, but Ron only shakes his head, adamant on having nothing to do with the potion.
Just shy of rolling her eyes, she reaches out to take the potion into her hand, in her slight annoyance with him, deciding not to tell him about how trained she is at testing potions - it'd take only remembering an unplanned lesson from fourth year when she was still brewing with him.
'Are you mad?' he asks, slightly spinning her around to fully face him. 'It's from Snape. He cut my cheek on purpose.'
'Maybe it was an accident,' she quietly says, hoping to be right.
She doesn't want to believe otherwise about him. It's just not like him to incite things for no reason. Even his being rude to her on Saturday was caused by something – Ron, as far as she's been able to conclude – so he must've done that to Ron's cheek for a reason.
'Snape's got control of his magic,' Ron reminds her. 'He wouldn't just make the mistake of cutting me! But listen, Hermione...' he suddenly sounds tamer.
He catches her attention that way. His soft cadence at the end there, the sudden air of expectancy between them, it all makes her more aware of how close they are, and the now small smile on his face. His lit up eyes, shining with something that she can't identify yet, also play their part in keeping her attentive to him.
'What is it?' her curiosity escapes with as much softness as it carries.
For his immediate response, still keeping his smile, he threads their fingers together, proper taking her aback. She allows it, nonetheless, also allowing him to clumsily pull her closer a second later, although unable to imagine what would lead him to do that. In fact, a little bit concerned and not sure how else to communicate that, she giggles. He lets out a nervous laugh as well, fooling her into believing that he is being goofy simply because he can, when suddenly heavily leaning towards her face, he touches his lips to hers.
At first, she isn't all that sure that it happened as it feels to be happening right now. That Ron didn't just make a move to kiss her, and that his lips aren't just now prying hers apart. That moment passes as he manages his task, (no wonder, when she isn't doing anything to stop him) and her mind comes to life, all at once scrambling to process as much it can about the moment. The light and testing nature of his kiss, the hand intertwined with her, gently squeezing and the other coming up to hold the back of her head. Oddly, as much as she wouldn't describe it as an attack, since it doesn't necessarily feel unpleasant, it stills feels like a sudden attack on her.
She doesn't know, giving in to his light manner of kiss, now that she's taking it all in, there's something shamefully triumphant about him pulling her closer and kissing her on her part, that for an extended moment, albeit without responding, she surrenders to his kiss. After all this time, he's finally worked up the courage to do something about his feelings for her. Unable to stop herself, she smiles at the timing of his courage; he should've done this much earlier than the beginning of this term – maybe then she would have welcomed him without question. Apparently responding to her, his lips turn up as well, smiling into the last of his kiss before pulling his face away to look her in the eyes.
'I've wanted to do that,' he tells her with a sheepish ring to his voice.
Apparently he has, her mind replies.
The problem is, however, that as much as he's ready to fall into openly liking her, she no longer feels that way about him. Yeah, it was nice to feel that at least one person wants her, but after all, for a change, he's not who she wants. Given the choice, she'd rather be hotly fighting with Professor Snape than be wanted by Ron.
'Ron...' she begins only to pause. It doesn't help her that he smiles at her, the poor boy probably happy to think that they've reached an agreement about them, but she can't let him get carried away. 'We need to get to class or we'll be late. We've stayed too long.'
And longer than this, she's stayed with Professor Snape in between classes, but that is not for him to know.
'Let's go,' he softly agrees with a nod and a tug on her hand to lead them out.
Again, she allows him to direct them as she please, but she promises, when the time is right, she'll sit him down and explain to him that she can't be what Lavender was to him.
26Chapters
Saturday afternoon left her feeling like she should never again go to his door and knock, but three classes later and noticing Ron looking as though he was making plans for the two of them, she found it inescapable to dodge lunch with him and Harry for some solitude away from his plans. Solitude obviously meant his office, seeing as her feet found it necessary to bring her here. And her hands, her hand find it appropriate to rap three times on his door, not even considerate of her mind believing that he won't answer her. Of course, she's stupid for coming to his office during lunch. What are the chances that he is cooped up in his office instead of spending his lunch in the staff room? She had better go there –
'It would be only you,' deeply comes from inside his office with the opening of the door, cutting her thoughts off right then.
She smiles to herself, knowing that he meant it for her, evidently resigned to the fact that only she would show up at his door. With the door no longer obstructing her view, her eyes land on him seated at his desk, and of course the sight of him does something to her heart and her smile. It's only the result of being out of sorts with him, she knows, but how she wishes that seeing him lately didn't spark some sort of uncertain fright within. One would think that she was still a fourth year student not yet familiar with Professor Snape.
'What is this potion, Professor?' she asks from the door, holding the bottle up for him to see.
She would dare to enter, but really, she would rather not, not with the uncertainty between them.
'It kills residual poison in the body,' he answers without bothering to look her way. 'It helps to build a type of resistance to the same sort of poison. Was there anything else, Miss Granger?'
Oh, that was awfully thoughtful of him.
Considering how he refused to listen to her complain about Ron, she's touched that he would do something so thoughtful for her friend. It shows that though he might be upset with her, if that's what he really is, he wouldn't purposely stand back and allow bad things to happen to any student's health – her friend or not. Taking that in mind, though, the other thing that he did doesn't fit within his thoughtfulness.
'Ron says that you cut his cheek. I didn't see who did it, but was it really you?'
At the question, he looks up at her, his eyes focused on hers for the extended period that he doesn't speak only to then return to the book in front of him.
Why, he!
It's time like these when she remembers how irritating he really can be about things when he wants to be. Of course, by that, she understands that he did it, hence his silence, but would it really kill him to just say something to her? It stupid for her to stand in the doorway like this, talking to someone who only values her presence as much as he is forced to. Still, who would she be if she didn't try to get to the bottom of his reasoning?
Tucking the phial into her robe's pocket, she continues to ask, 'Did you do it, because you are upset with what happened?'
'What happened, remind me?' he asks in quite the detached tone; he could be bored of her conversation, for all it sounds like.
'On Saturday when Ron was sick...' she begins, knowing very well what she wants to ask him, although not wanting to sound accusing. Her suspicion is that he grew upset with her for being there for Ron until the end, unlike how she'd left his bedside on the night that he had been unwell. 'Professor, Ron said something to me. Even Dumbledore said something similar to you the other day and - I don't think it's like that, but I've been thinking about it lately and - Ron said that it's normal for someone's magic to merge with another person and make that those two people attached to each other – Or just the one person dependant on the other. I don't believe it, but he thinks that when you helped me after the Ministry, I –'
'Enough!' he announces coldly, his head spinning her way. 'You speak nonsense! If I was as pathetically desperate as to bind someone to me, I would use a far effective source than healing magic. If I so wished, I could penetrate into your being in ways that you couldn't fight, to do things that you would become dependent on. Do not be so fast to hear what you are told by your clueless friends.'
His outburst stings her, not at all helped by his hardened expression, because he should've let her get to the point of her prior explanation!
'Let this be the last time that you do that!' he says in tune with his rising from his seat. 'You think it mightily funny to whine and bother me about an inept, clumsy, ordinary boy, do you?'
Vexed with him, more so because he's making his way to her, she spits, 'He's my friend,' to him. 'I care about him. I come to you, because I care a lot about what you say. It shouldn't be so hard to tell me anything nicely.'
'Nicely,' he laughs, having reached her now.
That he's close to her and choosing the evil path of laughing at her, causes her to reach her limit of trying to reason with him. She doesn't care to understand him anymore, neither will she keep running after him like a fool. Those days are gone now.
'You're horrible!' she screeches before rounding away from the door to leave, only, he catches her shoulder to stop her, which she doesn't appreciate in the least. 'Let me go!' she demands, stubbornly refusing to face him either way.
He releases her at once, to her surprise.
Good, she hotly thinks, he should take her seriously.
She won't give him the satisfaction of turning back to face him, though. If he wants to look at her face, he'll have to do something about it.
'I'm horrible?' he asks from behind her, sounding a safe distance from her, but also shocked at her choice of words.
'You haven't been anything but that,' she returns with a little bit of guilt.
Maybe she shouldn't have used that word precisely. Rude or harsh would have felt less like an attack on him than his behaviour with her.
'Oh, wonderful,' he lets out a mocking laugh, 'you've finally unearthed the truth about me! One point to Gryffindor. Now run along and deliver the good news about me to your foolish friends. Surely this means that you'll never come looking for me again.'
This man! How could he say that, does he really mean it?
The wonder has her forgetting not to give in to what he wants, causing her to turn him without wasting a second. Not only is he that stingy to only grant her a single point, he's also doing the very thing that he promised never to do to her again.
'What did I do to you?' she cries, her voice breaking. 'All you do is tell me mean things! You're mean to me for nothing. At least tell me what I did wrong.'
So that she can know what to do about it! Or just leave him for once and all.
'Apart from befriending Potter?!' he grumbles deeply, his eyes seeming to catch fire. 'You couldn't have done any worse than that!'
'I've always been friends with Harry!' she hisses her challenge, because it can't be that. 'You've never been this terrible to me! But I don't care anymore. You don't even care to be nice, so why should I? I'm also glad that I don't have to see you anymore.'
She doesn't mean it. The very magic tingling inside of her knows that she's only being spiteful and partly taking pride in watching his face break a little at what she just said, but gosh, she doesn't mean it. Besides, it's not like she can really hurt him like he's hurt her – she's never been able to hurt him, only anger him.
'Yet there you stand, not leaving,' he utters, his tone something between defeated and resigning.
Why he suddenly decides to be soft with something so mocking and derisive, she can only wonder about as a heaviness settles all around her throat. It's not fair that he gets to reduce himself to a softer version, in turn backing her into a corner of painful guilt. It's not fair, she shouldn't be made to feel bad for trying to hurt him like he's been doing to her, yet she feels it profoundly. From the constricting of the muscles on her face, to the tears burning in her eyes. This really isn't fair, she shouldn't be livid with him while deeply sorry for saying words that hurt him in a way.
'I'm going,' she throws at him at last, going against the call of her heart to stay and try to heal the harm that she caused him.
'Then go,' he roughly responds, his cruelty reminding her why she'd turned away from him to begin with.
He's the only person in the whole world who can make her this – So - This vulnerable to emotion and so very needy for his goodness, while poking at her unpleasant side at the very same time. It's all too overwhelming to accommodate at once, she decides, and blinking once, she feels the tears in her eyes spill out, falling down under her eyes to her cheeks. Crying was the last thing that she was supposed to do in front of him, yet here she is, showing him that he's gotten to her. In equal parts angry with herself for breaking and angry with him for getting what he apparently wanted, she spins around, in the mind to run away from him as fast as she can, but he speaks then, stopping her even before she's taken a step away.
'I don't care how hysterical and emotional you are, Miss Granger,' he says, and it's the roughness of his delivery that assures her of how invisible her tears are to him, 'but attempt to do anything rash and I will never forgive you for it.'
What is he even talking about?
There's nothing to come to mind concerning that, and maybe it's the anger and pain clouding her mind, but whatever it is, right now, she'd like to do it only to spite him with it.
'Do not try me!' he warns with a danger sprinkled into each word as though able to see inside her mind. 'Do away with your thoughts and heed my words; don't attempt anything!'
'You can't tell me what to do!' she croaks through her strained throat, forced to face him once again. 'You – You're –'
'Whatever I am, clearly doesn't bother you. Why are you still here, tell me?'
This man is so infuriating. To be looking at her with that smug expression, no doubt feeling triumphant about disturbing her, is the most of vexing things that he could have done! And then to keep taunting her with lingering when he's to blame?
'Because you keep talking to me!' she cries, crossing her arms to demonstrate that she won't take his nonsense without a fight.
'Then leave already,' his hands swings in the direction she ought to go, to then turn his back on her, probably not even hearing her hot, 'Fine,' as she storms away from his presence.
26Chapters
Never, ever in her life did she think that she would get to a point where she hated this growing older thing. For all of her life, she's looked forward to being a grown-up, one who would be working like her parents were working and she would come home to her own home, which she bought with her own money – well, hers and her husband's, just like her mum had done – but is this really what growing older is like?
The thought itself, the question actually, is like a knife to the deepest of her stomach and a flaming torch to her heart; she doesn't like it one bit.
Since her spat with Professor Snape, she's cried in the shower once or twice over the whole week, she's gotten irrationally angry at the simplest of things, all the while having to deal with her roommates giving her dirty looks and refusing to accept her greetings. Nothing, however, has managed to beat seeing him inside of his Defence lessons. In there, since she returned to the unwelcome post of simply being a student like any other to him, it's been torture to not cry out for him to tell her what happened between them. He doesn't know how terrible it's been carrying on like she's just another student to him, when they've done so much with each other already.
Did he forget it all?
Did none of it move him, as he's said to her?
All right, fine, their relationship isn't defined from one extreme to the next, but she's always been aware of the things that she could get away with him, as he's always treated her differently. What went wrong where, and why is it so much for her now? She doubts that if she was younger, she wouldn't care this much about it. Would anything with him even had happened if she wasn't growing older and becoming in things outside of her studies and friends? That's not all there is to growing up, anyway, there's still so much more.
There's her new relationship with Ron. That hasn't really been defined yet. To him, it seems perfectly defined, clear and doubtless. His constant smiles her way and the many times that he seeks to touch her for no reason at all, paint his understanding of them to her, but... Even so late into the week, the heart to tell him that she doesn't like him in that way hasn't visited her yet. She's doing a wrong thing, she knows, although, with him not kissing her again since Monday, the right chance to make things clear to him just hasn't come. She won't lie, though, the difficult part wouldn't be in setting him right, or even the right chance to do so, it's only her, she's the one who's being difficult.
Ron likes her, and as much as that should mean nothing to her, it honestly feels a little bit affirming to her. She cannot explain it very well, and she's completely being a selfish idiot for not telling him the truth, but isn't she allowed to like the attention that she's getting even for a few more days? Since Professor Snape won't be civil with her, it rather feels nice to know that someone likes her as she is. But it is so wrong what she is doing; contemplating to do with Ron what Ginny is doing with Dean... Why can't everything in life just be so simple like it used to be when she was small?
Ugh, this growing up stuff really, really sucks.
26Chapters
She jumped up as soon as Ron told her about what happened, doing a bad thing and leaving her books spread out wide on table in the library. Without grace, she ran like she was going to miss the train to school if she slowed down. Behind her, Ron called for her to wait for him, saying something about not rushing so much, but she wouldn't hear him, she only ran and ran, that desperate to get to the boys' toilet. As she's tumbling in now, Ron probably many metres behind, her mission is to look for Harry and then for Malfoy; Harry will have to explain what he did so she can find a solution for it – Professor Snape taught her that.
Professor Snape!
He's over there, she gasps upon seeing him first, rightfully stilling with surprised to find him inside here. He's down on his knees, soaking in a pool of dark water all around him while hunched over Malfoy's stretched out form, calmly murmuring something over him. Always aware, though, he notices her presence and looks her way with an unreadable look on his face. Whatever he means by it, she doesn't care, she decides; she didn't come here for him, she came for Harry and she will make sure to make it clear.
'Harry,' she says, not really calling out, only speaking his name as her eyes roam around the toilet looking for him.
'Don't,' the professor says to her.
Though she does return her eyes to him, briefly measuring in what spirit he's telling her that, at last, she reminds herself that he's not why she came. Had Ron not found her to tell her that Harry used a spell from the Potions book, one that backfired and so he needed her help with Malfoy, she wouldn't be here and he wouldn't have the chance to say anything to her. She hopes that her eyes communicate that to him, because she won't waste anymore time on him. Beginning to move her feet forwards a little bit, she hurriedly looks around the other end of the toilet, but again, he speaks, interrupting her mission.
'Do not move from there,' he warns, for either authority's sake or for her own good.
She defies him in either case, carrying on with her movement as soon as he returns his attention to Malfoy, resuming his murmuring. With him back to his task, she takes the chance to take two long steps towards him to have a better view of the side that she couldn't properly see from the door, the side on which the urinals are situated, and that is where she finds Harry.
'Harry!' she cries, partly glad to find him as she rushes to him.
Flat on his bum with his back pressed to the wall and his knees drawn up in a protective position, no wonder she couldn't see him before. Professor Snape's tall figure, although reduced by his crouch did well to hide him. He looks quite frightened, with his arms folded on top of his knees, his head rhythmically rocking back and forth while his body visibly shakes. Deep concern for him drives her to not pay importance to kneeling into the dark water, because what's a wet uniform that a drying charm can't fix? She reaches out to take his face into her hands, that way making him look at her, but upon locking eyes with her, he begins to sob.
'Oh, Harry,' she chokes out, feeling tears of her own start from her eyes.
Her heart also tries to beat out of her chest at seeing him like this. He looks so very afraid and so small, not like someone who's come face to face with the most evil wizard more than once in his life. Her fingers press deep into his face, so badly wanting to take his fear away, but not being able to.
'I'm sorry,' he sniffles, shaking his head like he's denying something. 'I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.'
His plea makes her let out a sob, although set in assuring him that everything will be fine, that Professor Snape will take care of it, she straightens her back to pull him into a hug, only, she's all of a sudden being pulled to her feet.
'Stop it,' she protests, her arms slightly flailing, thinking that Ron's not understanding the importance of comforting Harry now – it's not fair to leave Harry down there by himself without calming him down first.
'Potter!' the professor's stern voice barks from behind her, causing Harry to jump from his position of protection while she relaxes at the thought of the professor being the one to hold her. 'Take Draco to the hospital wing and be sure to explain what you did! I'll deal with you soon.'
Harry comes to life at the command, jumping off his bum and onto his feet in a hurry. What happens next, does so quickly, him pulling himself together, shooting a glance towards Malfoy, and then nodding to her – or Professor Snape - before moving to gather Malfoy from the floor with his own hands. The sight is perplexing to her, that he would be so disturbed that he would forget about magic. He would have a much easier time using his wand to carry Malfoy than using his hands to prop the unconscious boy to him. Levitating him would also be much better than dragging dead weight along with him.
'Lift him, Harry,' she calls, making to go after him, but the professor's hold on her arm doesn't entertain such a thing from her, it turns her to face him instead, taking away her view of her friend.
Great, she can only wish that he meets with Ron to help him.
'Your friend could've killed Draco,' he delivers to her, his eyes blazing.
She ignores him, nonetheless, only trying her best to wrench her arm free from his grasp. That doesn't concern her right now, she's only interested in getting to Harry and helping him carry Malfoy to Madam Pomfrey. After they've done that, then only will she worry about what didn't happen.
'Pay me attention when I speak to you!' he demands, handling her enough to get that said attention. 'Potter went too far this time!'
Reluctantly, she shoots him a look, positively irritated with him, 'You think I don't know that?'
How dare he?
They haven't been all right for two weeks, and the first thing that he wants to do is blame her for Harry's mistakes, when she doesn't have all the information on what he did? Harry may have been wrong in hurting Malfoy, it was unacceptable, in fact, but she doesn't appreciate any of this from this man. He has no right to do this to her!
'And now I'll be stuck with him for detention,' he tells her, probably confessing or lamenting - she doesn't know, neither does she really care.
How is it her problem what he's stuck with?
'I had nothing to do with it,' she fires back, still trying to get free. 'I kept telling him not to take instructions from that stupid book, but he wouldn't listen to me.'
Strangely, he releases her to then step back from her, something with doesn't match his rough demand of, 'You knew about it?'
'No, I didn't ever look inside it. I don't know what's in there.'
She only knows that the Prince person knew an awful lot about potions, nothing more, but even that she won't tell him.
'Don't take me for an idiot, Miss!' he refuses her explanation. 'You've asked me about wizarding princes.'
A little shocked that he remembers something from so long ago, her mind flares up in question, fearful now of what else she might have said to him that he remembers and can use against her to make Harry pay.
'So?' she asks, pulling a face at him, meaning for it to come across as nonchalant.
'Do not so me! Draco was badly wounded!'
And he shouldn't be so darkly coarse with her, because as much space as there is between him, it would take only him shouting at her to make her cower away from him.
'I didn't do anything to Draco,' she openly mocks his use of Malfoy's first name. 'I wasn't with them.'
He doesn't appear to hear her, for with drawn eyebrows, he begins to say, 'Your dearest friend is dangerous, and you constantly choose to be around him! Don't you ever learn? This is the third person to need treatment on account of him. How much longer do you think you have left before you end up in a hospital bed again?'
Ha! Look at him, all high mighty and so deep in his pretence!
What does he care if she ends up in a hospital bed, when she's meant nothing to him for so long now? He mustn't even try to pretend and be interested in how she fares now, because she won't allow it. Should he continue to try, she'll be forced to challenge him until he turns blue in face with frustration.
'Harry would never hurt me,' she hotly says, only a breath away from adding, 'Unlike you,' but at the last possible moment, she controls herself enough to redirect her thoughts. 'They were all accidents. Harry doesn't do things like that on purpose. You can't blame him for things that he can't control. It's not his fault.'
'It's always his fault!' he exclaims, partially throwing his hands up in the air, clearly frustrated by her statement.
'No, it isn't!' she maintains, deliberately stepping closer to him.
He steps back from her, putting the same distance from before between them - she can only assume that he doesn't want her close to him.
'Don't you dare defend him this time, Miss! He's been nothing but a troublesome cheat! How dare he use that spell?'
'What are you angry with me for?' she moves into him again. 'I didn't give him that book. It's Professor Slughorn you should be angry with. Besides, you've been the worst to me ever since when! I don't have to tell you anything! What did I do that was so wrong to you?'
'Potter is a –'
'I don't care about your stupid hatred for Harry!' she shrieks, finally fed up and unwilling to take Harry's insults for him anymore. 'You can find Harry yourself and say all that to him. Just leave me alone!'
For a while, he only looks at her. At a time when she wasn't so all over the place with hysteria, she would've taken the time to wonder about him simply looking at her. As it is now, she's feeling over him, and since he won't say anything more to her, she'll just leave for where she knows Harry is then.
26Chapters
'I told you not to listen to that book!' she announces herself at the door.
Because now thanks to it, she's worse off than ever with Professor Snape, probably long past the stage of repair. Plus, he nearly killed someone - Harry nearly killed someone! In the aftermath of hearing the full story from Ron, according to what Harry told Madam Pomfrey, she's livid with him.
'It doesn't talk, Hermione,' Harry dryly returns, his focus on the many scrolls laid out on the floor in front of him. 'I read from it.'
Plainly, he's stupid for that.
'You could've killed him,' she jabs, not at all appreciative of his humour at a time like this.
It's just as well that he was assigned detention right away. He shouldn't be allowed to roam around the school as he pleases for a while; it really could be dangerous for the rest of the students.
'Geez! I didn't want to kill him. I didn't know that the spell would do that!'
'I told you –' she begins, only to be cut off by him looking at her with anger on his face.
'No offence, Hermione, but if that's all you came to say, save your breath, will you? I know. And I'm sorry for doing that to him, but I didn't mean to.'
'You're an idiot, Harry!' she chastises, walking inside at last. 'Don't you remember what happened with Ginny?'
He really is an idiot! How could he have forgotten what taking handwritten instructions from a book surrounding magic could do?
'I didn't forget,' sourly leaves his mouth, his hardening face an indication of his feelings on that.
'You can't do that again, Harry. You don't how much darker that prince person was.'
'I know,' he quietly agrees. 'I got rid of the book. I'll never use it again.'
'Or the spells that you've learnt from there,' she volunteers for him, getting on her knees next to him.
Whipping his head to her, he's hard to accept her suggestion as it is, protesting, 'No way, Hermione! Some spells from there were useful. But I threw it away anyway, I promise. I'll never use it again.'
Without further though, she nods to accept his apology. While what he did wasn't right, as hot-headed as he can get, there's just something about him that's easy to forgive; she likes that about him. If only Professor Snape was just like Harry, so easy to bend and mushy to understanding...
'Do you need help with that?' she nods at the scrolls, distracting herself from her thoughts, to which Harry shows her a smile.
'Snape's coming back soon, he won't like you helping me.'
'I don't care,' she shrugs.
Plus, he's not here to see her do it, is he? For as long as he isn't around, she'll help Harry out. It's not like she wants to do some other thing anyway. It's with that thought that she rights herself to sit criss-crossed next to him, her hand reaching out for a scroll.
'I have to sort them into alphabetical order,' he advises.
Curious, she unrolls one scroll to read what's inside it, soon discovering that it's a record of an individual student.
'He's making you sort out detention records?'
'He's Snape! I wish that he would just leave already,' Harry tells her with a laugh. 'I can't wait to not see him in seventh year.'
Oh, no, Harry, her heart plummets, you don't know what he's talking about.
That's nothing to rejoice about that in the least. In spite of everything going on between him and her, she will absolutely not think about Professor Snape not being here next year. She just won't, it's too much of a burden on her memory.
'Hermione?' he asks after a while, redirecting her attention to him. 'Why do you like him? He's not a nice person.'
Well, he's Professor Snape.
What more could she say about him?
She stares at her friend, her eyes searching his face as her mind thinks of how best to answer his question. To her, it's simple and straightforward, not even needing a long explanation, although, she realises that her short reason wouldn't be enough for everyone else. Harry, most of all, especially from within the very resentful place of term-long detention and Quidditch exclusion.
'And he doesn't look nice,' he adds with a snicker, apparently needing to point out his looks. 'And he's always taking points away.'
'Stop it, Harry,' she orders, at last fed up with his attempt to get her to join him in disliking the man. 'Dumbledore's not all that perfect either, you know.'
He can call Professor Snape ugly all he wants without actually saying the words, but who is he to speak about looks when he likes Fang and Dobby just as they are?
Also, he should know that Dumbledore is a mess - and that is concluded inclusive of the fact that he apparently invaded Professor Snape's privacy a while back, willingly it had sounded like. No, she cannot say that she dislikes him now, but no matter her current stance with Professor Snape, right and fair will always be objective, not subjective. Dumbledore involved or not.
'Dumbledore's much better than Snape,' Harry defends.
'In what?' she challenges, not necessarily looking to argue, only not willing to sit back and accept that he's all purity, while Professor Snape isn't.
Fine, maybe Dumbledore is better in some areas, however, she still hasn't forgotten how he sweetened her up at first, only to lie to her and then try to use her. It's hard to have any sympathy for him when he was so purposefully calculating to that point.
'You have no reason to be here, Miss Granger,' rings the smooth voice of their Defence teacher and equally startled, they both shoot looks towards the door. 'Get up from there,' he says to her, using two of his fingers to make a swirling motion for emphasis. 'This is Potter's detention. I will gladly assign you your own detention, if so wish it, however.'
With one last look at Harry, silently apologising for leaving him, she gets up and walks to the door. She wholly expects him to keep her back, except, he doesn't. As though she's invisible to him, he allows her to pass by him without any fuss.
26Chapters
Ronald was pretty easy to convince to help her check on Malfoy. It's only to make sure that he's okay, she told him, and then take the news back to Harry later after they've done their prefect duties. Did she think that they would find Professor Snape watching over Malfoy? No. And did she consider the possibility that he would snap his eyes their way and silently, but angrily show them out with his finger? Also no.
'Come on, Hermione,' Ron tries. 'Let's get out of here.'
She shakes her head, a little lost inside her own mind at the scene before her. Draco. He calls Malfoy Draco all the time, and yet it never occurred to her that he cares about Malfoy as more than just a student. Nowhere in her deepest thoughts about him, had she considered his relationship with Malfoy. As much as he's hinted at caring about Malfoy, it's still a great thing to come to the realisation that he'd come a spell close to losing someone that he cares about.
'Hermione,' Ron whispers close to her ear, 'let's go.'
No. Not yet. She can't take her eyes off him. She can't bear to be so much more uncaring than she's already been concerning him. It's all her fault for listening to what people say about him, believing it when they say that he has no one and no friends, and how she irrationally chooses to dislike Trelawney, who's probably his only friend. She's been so stupid, and the result of the ache inside of her heart is well deserved, she believes.
'Professor,' she calls for him, it being her way of reaching for him at such a time as this.
Ron on the other hand, doesn't grasp her intention, only her hand, to thoroughly pull her out of the room with him.
'What are you doing?' the urgent whisper tumbles out of his mouth. 'Snape's going to deduct points from us if we don't leave. Come on, Malfoy's fine anyway. We don't need to see him.'
'We need to see if he's okay,' she reminds him.
Need she remind him about their friend, who despite never having outright said so, is consumed with guilt? She asked him to come with her as a way at least to confirm Malfoy's health to Harry later on. It'll be good for Harry's conscious to know that something horrible won't happen to another student because of him.
'It's not worth it,' Ron softly dismisses, apparently trying to convince her with his tone.
'It is to me,' she argues with her mind on both Harry and Professor Snape. 'Look, you can stay here if you want, but I'm going back inside. I need to know.'
Immediately after her declaration, she's turning and stepping back in through the door. As determined as she is to do this one thing, she bravely walks all the way to Malfoy's bed, preparing herself to take whatever may come, if only to have a closer look at Professor Snape, determine his state in all of this and then get the confirmation that Malfoy won't suffer any after-effects.
'Professor,' she announces herself when she is near enough to; it's only right that she pulls out her flag of peace before he jumps to the wrong conclusion.
'Why are you still here?' he wonders, his voice nothing short of tired – it's barely holding on at best.
Though an unwelcome thing to note about him, it's through that that she gains the confidence to believe that no cross words will be directed at her tonight.
'I'm worried,' she confesses and looks over at the boy's sleeping face. 'Will Malfoy really be okay?'
'Yes,' he responds, making her turn her eyes to him. 'As much as it may pain your precious Potter, he will be fine by tomorrow morning.'
That's good to hear, so she tries to express a little of her relief and gratitude through a soft smile before apologising on her friend's behalf.
'He's sorry. He really didn't mean to do that to Malfoy.'
Slightly shaking his head, Professor Snape is not so easy to accept her excuse. There's only the small comfort of his expression not changing to anger as it did earlier today, but otherwise as far as he is apparently concerned, Harry is a menace to the school.
'Potter is reckless. He has no business using spells that he hasn't been taught.'
They agree there, she thinks, properly looking at him. His worn face, his tired words and the lack of energy emanating from him, those are all signs of a man who is beyond concerned, and if she were to oppose him and try to defend Harry from him right now, she would be the worst of people. Nobody, when they're feeling uncertain about a person that they care about, should be made to feel in the wrong for having their feelings exactly as they are. Feelings never understand reason, least of all in unexpected situations.
'It was a dark curse, wasn't it?' she whispers, afraid to have it confirmed. 'You know it, that's why you were able to help him. You always know what to do. I don't know what would've happened to him if you weren't there.'
To finish it off, she shows him a small smile, actually glad that he is always saving them. People – Harry, mostly - speak about him being a dark arts fanatic, but without him, bad things would've already happened to many students. He, seeing her smile, seems to soften, on the verge of a slight smile, even, but she cannot be sure of that when his eyes begin to roam all over her face as though looking for something. In the next breath, as his eyes settle on her shoulders, he gestures his hand towards her in a beckoning motion, following it up with walking around his side of Malfoy's bed. Instantly, she understands that she's to follow him and so she moves, measuring her steps to wait for him to catch up with her.
Upon meeting, he says nothing to her, only briefly looking at her before he leads them to continue walking out. As they walk, she wonders if it's the right time to ask him if he's all right, or if Malfoy's condition did something terrible to him. It's not that she's afraid or insecure to ask him, it's only her bout of shame that's keeping her quiet. Maybe she should start with apologising for not taking it seriously that he cares about Draco and then from there, she could move on to ask if he's handling Malfoy's condition well. After all, he's seen the damage that Harry did. He was the one who stayed behind and cleaned up Draco's blood from that toilet, and then probably sat by himself, recalling it all with no one there to talk to.
She wonders, what he is thinking about now?
Ever curious, she takes a look at him, searching for the best way to read him and then open a line of conversation with him, but as he looks back at her, his eyes suddenly widen. Confused, she begins to wonder if it's something on her face when he holds out his arm in front of her to block her moving forwards. His head turns the other way now, either looking or waiting for something.
'Professor?' she wonders through a whisper, bracing both of her hands on his outstretched arm, standing unnecessarily on the edge of her toes, craning her neck as well, to find what he's looking for.
'Shhh,' he urgently replies, moving quickly to manoeuvre them into a stronghold position.
He grips her quite hard, pulling her around him, front first, her face landing close to his chest, where the accelerated sound of his heart meets her ear. Next, his other arm secures her in place as he continues to whisper a hushed, 'Shhh,' which becomes softer with each utterance, while his heart seems to race faster and faster.
Still, between all of that, she's able to feel the pronounced feel of magic pass from him to include her within it somehow. She doesn't know what it is exactly, but the sound of his laboured breaths pulls her to try and move her head, except, he stunts that by keeping her head in place against his chest. As if that wasn't a clear enough message, his hand does the very soothing thing of running up and down her back, almost like he's pleading for her to trust him and simply be still.
'Don't move unnecessarily,' he says to her, and there's something about him that's quite desperate despite the calmness of his tone. 'Get behind me. Put your arms around me and do not let go, do you hear me?'
For the following short moment, his hands abandon what they hand been doing to give proper room for his arms to hold her. Even she doesn't understand why momentarily, his arms around her feel like she's put on a windbreaker against a chill, but neither does she get the time to examine it well, because it's short-lived. In a second, he's guiding her around to behind him and she does what he told her, winding her arms around her middle and then waiting. There's silence for a while yet, until there isn't.
'Severus? What are you doing here?'
She recognises the voice as McGonagall's, and the result is her tightening her hold around him. If she could blend into him, she would, because clearly, he doesn't want her to be seen by McGonagall.
'I was visiting Draco,' he answers, the vibrations caused by the sound of his voice travelling through her flat hands on his chest. 'I wasn't aware that I needed permission to take a moment to compose myself after seeing him bedridden. He is a student in my care, if you remember.'
'Ah! But weren't you with someone? I thought I heard voices.'
She thought? She sounds to be sternly observant of the fact, despite her words not being accusatory. Ever so calmly with his delivery on the other hand, Professor Snape answers her with a question of his own.
'Whose voice did you hear, Minerva?'
As soon as he's asked, he tenses, causing her curious hand to twitch on the spot; if only it could move up to hear what it has to say about his reaction and the silence keeping all of them in suspense. Oh, how she wishes that she could open her eyes and see through him – she just needs to know what's happening around her.
'Hermione,' Ron's uncertain voice breaks through the silence at last. 'She went in there with you.'
'That's right. Mister Weasley here tells me that his uh… What is Miss Granger to you, Mister Weasley?'
What is McGonagall doing? She knows that they've been friends since first year, so why would she pretend to not know to call her Ron's friend? Although, to be fair, lately -
'Oh, uh…,' Ron sounds to fumble. 'Well, Professor, Hermione and I are a thing now.'
Ronald Weasley! Why would he say that? She could hex him for it.
'A collective thing?' Professor Snape asks with an air of mockery. 'Separable, I suppose, considering her absence. As you can see, she's not here.'
Right then, he spreads his arms on either side of him, clearly showing them that she isn't with him. She dares not even shift a single finger from place, lest McGonagall spots the movement and does what needs to be done to prove him a liar. There's more silence after that, in which she silently curses Ron for finding McGonagall for nothing and then telling her things that have nothing to do with her. So what if she was visiting Malfoy while Professor Snape was there?
'A word of caution, Severus,' McGonagall finally says.
'Noted, Minerva,' he replies after a small breath.
It's here as she strains to hear and know more that her mind returns to her. Having already been caught once with him at the very wrong hours, she might just be the reason that he doesn't come back to teach after this. She realises now that depending on how this pans out, the consequences could be much, much bigger than she is.
Is everything beginning to fall apart for her?
This is reality, isn't it? Professor Snape didn't just hide her because he could, or because he couldn't have placed a charm on her to make her invisible, no. There's something deeper and very desperate about the way that he reacted and acted to keep her hidden from sight that's not the standard. That morning with Trelawney and Dumbledore hadn't looked as desperate as this, only hasty and urgent, never more.
What should she do now? Detach herself and run away in the other direction? And Ron, really, did he go looking for McGonagall, or did he just think it brilliant to leave her in there, because she wouldn't listen to him when she entered? Tomorrow morning, she'll interrogate him about it, because for now, she only needs to break free. She tries to move from behind him, but he groans, stopping her. She's not sure if he meant it for her, so she tries it again, and again, he groans, apparently protesting. But why? They can't still be around when it's been quiet for a while now.
'Actually, Severus,' McGonagall's voice returns, 'a glass of that Muggle drink with you this evening would be welcome.'
Hadn't she left then? Or did she think better about it and come back?
'Oh?' he responds, clearing his throat afterwards. 'How very fortunate for you then, that I have nothing else planned for the evening.'
He says that, agreeing to go with McGonagall, whether to her privacy or his privacy, she doesn't know, but one thing; did he forget that she's going to have to go with him? The thought frightens her so much that she tries to withdraw her arm from him, only, he brings his hand upon her elbow to stop her. She can't imagine how that action must look from McGonagall's point of view, but that can't be more pressing than the very brilliant fact that she's now, quite literally stuck on him.
'Lead the way,' McGonagall offers, an offer that shoots her stomach out of place to somewhere else.
This is the end, she's never going to survive this. If she does survive being caught hanging onto Professor Snape, she'll most likely be suspended as a prefect, probably sent home until the exams and then never, ever, be trusted by McGonagall again. This is truly brilliant; it'll take only a step forwards from him and then it'll be over.
Gosh, what is she going to tell her parents once she's sent home?