authorsnote: edited 18/07 - grammar/spelling/sentence structure no plot changes.
had an awesome response to this fic, you guys are great.
also one more thing to clear: primarily sansa/jaime pov with one or two more thrown in.
review to lemme know your thoughts, fav/follow for updates and enjoy!
songrecs: my body is a cage - peter gabriel (also I discovered this song through an awesome cersei video on yt by queen cersei, check it out)
With a smile he placed a silver stag on the counter, ordered a meal, took a large jug of ale, and secured a bed for the night. He was sick of sleeping the forest, hunting rabbits, and drinking less than clean water. He wanted a warm meal, a hot bath, and a comfortable bed. The innkeeper had been wary of him when he had come in, and he could hardly blame her. He was covered in bruises, wore the clothes of a commoner, and looked as though he'd been roughed up more than once. She had no protest though as he paid her.
He didn't care either, in a day or so he'd be back in Kings Landing, he'd be home, and he'd be back with Cersei.
He ordered his meal for an hour later and first went for a bath. He groaned as he lowered himself into the hot water and rested his head against the tub. It felt divine to be clean again and he took time in scrubbing his skin, washing the dirt away and getting clean. The innkeeper had spared him some clothes he slipped into as his own were washed and dried. They were scratchy and uncomfortable, but they were clean at least.
After he was dressed, he went to work on his appearance. He cut at his beard and ran a hand through his hair, it was longer now, and he made quick work of cutting it down, back to just above his chin. He looked more like himself now. Still a little too thin, a little gaunt and he had heavy dark circles under his eyes, but he looked more like himself now. He would be back to fighting strength soon he was sure once he returned home.
Once done he hurried back downstairs and tucked into his food. He washed it down with dark ale and ordered a second plate. He was gorged himself then, it had been months since he had eaten a warm meal and longer since he had eaten something good. It was fantastic, simple fare but to him it tasted like a feast.
"Where you off to then?" The innkeeper asked, a tough old woman she was, with a well-worn apron and a knowing smile.
"Kings Landing" He said with a smile, flashing his teeth. She rolled her eyes in response, huh, he supposed he wasn't so handsome at the moment, too thin, too rough looking. It made sense, and he cared less about how he looked now, he had been through hell for months, he was just glad to be free.
"Ahh" The innkeeper said, refilling his cup then, "Sounds like a lot has been happening that ways" She said with a nod, "Looks like the Stark chit is said to marry Jaime Lannister, and the King is to marry Margaery Tyrell" She laughed then, "Looks like old Tywin is securing his dynasty!" She and he forced a laugh, she clearly didn't know who he was, better to keep it that way.
As she walked off Jaime looked down at his food, his appetite gone in a matter of seconds. Had he heard her right? He was set to marry the Stark girl? The 16-year-old sister of a man who had held him captive for months? A little waif of a girl who had followed Joffrey around like a dog as he remembered…what? This had to be his fathers doing he knew it, his plan to secure the North, after all if Robb Stark fell then Sansa would be the key to securing Winterfell and the North. He saw the plan, but he had no idea why he had been elected for it.
And he had vowed to return Sansa home! He had promised, sworn, he had said he would return Sansa and Arya to their mother, not marry one of them, he couldn't, he wouldn't.
He didn't want this, he didn't want to be Lord, to have a keep to run and a wife to nag him. He didn't want his own babes, he didn't want any of that, he never had. He was Kingsguard for goodness sake he wasn't even eligible for this. He didn't want this, he wanted to stay in Kings Landing, with Cersei.
He felt angry then, had Cersei allowed this? Hadn't his sister spoken to their father? Tried to reason with him that this was a bad idea? He didn't want this, and he pushed his food away before taking a long drink. He did not want the Stark girl, he wanted Cersei, all he had ever wanted was Cersei, his twin, his other half … he frowned again then as he thought of his twin.
He loved her, he always would he was sure, but things had changed. He couldn't think of her now without frowning, without feeling a twinge of something unpleasant. Months in a cell certainly did allow one to reflect …
But he tried to ignore his head, listen to his heart … or other areas. Regardless of what he was feeling for Cersei at the moment that didn't change the fact, he didn't want the Stark girl, some welp of a bride who hadn't even reached womanhood. He wanted no part of that, would have no part of that and he would tell his father that when he returned.
With a growl under his breath he attacked his plate again, he wasn't hungry though, his mind a storm now as he thought over the situation but he knew it would be a long ride back to Kings Landing with no inns on the road now, he needed to get his fill, hell he might be able to do the journey in one go if he was well fed and rested. With a nod he pushed the food down, even though now it tasted like ash in his mouth.
He tried to calm himself, he would be home soon, and he could sort this mess out, speak with his father and reason with him. He couldn't marry the Stark girl! She was a child, and why did she have to go him? Why couldn't she be married to Tyrion or one of the Lannister cousins? He nodded to himself, he would reason with his father, untangle himself from this marriage mess and then… then he would sort out his feelings and thoughts for Cersei, which at the moment were equally in a mess.
He debated returning to his rooms then but instead he ordered more ale. He didn't want to think anymore on this, in fact it was pointless to do so until he returned to Kings Landing, there was nothing to do until then. And so, he would drink, and drink, and drink, and then try to make sense of everything come morning.
The journey had taken longer than she had thought it would and by the time Sansa saw the inn in the distance she almost cried out in relief. The 'barely a day's ride' as the septa had said had been well over a day and a half and she was sure she had never felt this exhausted. She felt simply awful. She had slept in the forest overnight and eaten over half of her food. She was tired, bruised, and hungry. She was desperate for a long bath, a hot meal, and a comfortable bed to sleep in.
Her eye stung from where she had scraped it during her escape as did her cut up hands. She wondered whether the inn would have some kind of healing salve, she hoped so, she didn't think the cuts were deep enough to get infected, but one couldn't be too careful.
She forced the horse forward then, the poor thing was as tired as she. She knew she couldn't keep going, neither of them could, not for the moment. She decided she'd stay a night at the inn, allow herself and her dutiful horse a nights sleep and some good food. She'd take dinner, eat breakfast early and then heard back out. She knew it meant losing time, but Sansa needed a night's rest in a bed. She couldn't sleep on the side of the road, not tonight, not until she was properly rested.
The journey to her family was going to be harder than she thought.
Still, as tired as she was, she hadn't lost her determination. The future away from Kings Landing she was the better she felt. She had escaped, she was truly free! She was finally away from the Lannister's and there was no better feeling. She was away from the people who'd made her life miserable, had tormented and mocked her, had beaten, and ridiculed her, she was away from the monsters who had sought to destroy her family. She was away from them and she would never return, of that she was sure.
She would return to her brother or she would die trying, she would slit her own throat or jump from her horse before she went back to the Red Keep. She would either make it back home or she would die in the effort.
Covering a yawn with her hand she urged her horse forward and her mare trotted forward to the stable of the inn. She jumped down, and almost stumbled, gosh her legs were sore, but she managed to steady herself. She quickly grabbed her bag and blanket, her few meagre possessions before handing over the reins to the stable boy, though she kept her head ducked and hood up.
"Take good care of her, she's tired, and she'll need a good amount of food" Sansa spoke, keeping her voice low, and as the stable boy nodded in promise she turned away towards the inn, but not before giving her horse a pat on the side, her horse was her only companion now, she'd treat her well. She made her way into the inn as her horse was guided to food, god she needed food, and to rest, if the inn had no room she'd sleep on the floor or a bench, anything over than the cold hard ground of the forest.
She tugged her hood higher up as she walked into the inn and kept her gaze fixed on the ground. She doubted anyone here would know her, but at the same time she knew she could hardly be mistaken for a commoner. Though her dress was certainly dirty, edges already frayed, and the hem splashed with mud, she knew it was too fine to be mistaken for common. At least her cloak was rough, and she tugged it closer around her. She passed a mirror as she walked to the checking in desk and she grimaced as she looked at her reflection. She had a large black eye and a nasty cut on her cheek next to her eye. Still, as horrid as it looked and as sore as it was it was good, it made her seem more common. She'd be less easy to spot as highborn.
"Hello" She spoke timidly, not lowering her hood and only barely lifting her gaze as she approached the woman behind the desk. The innkeeper smiled kindly at Sansa which gave her some courage, though she still felt nervous. She took a silver stag from her pouch then and placed it on the desk, "I'd like a room please, dinner and a bath" She said, and the innkeep nodded.
"That's all fine my dear" The woman said, still smiling kindly, "Those cuts look nasty though, I've got a salve here if you've got more coin" Sansa nodded, took another stag out and slid it over the desk. She took the large jar of salve and placed it in her bag, that would be good for her current injuries and any others that might crop up.
Sansa was thankful the innkeeper was kind and she gathered it was due to her current state. She looked a fright, and so the woman was nice, and Sansa warmed to that, she tried not to be too trusting, but it was nice to have someone simply be kind to her, and she felt a little warmer as the innkeeper stepped around the reception and put an arm around her to walk her to the dining tables.
"Thank you" Sansa spoke softly, and glanced toward the dining room then, it was quite empty, a few common men sat together and a young couple sat near the door, and there was one man alone hidden in shadow at the back. She was pleased it was quiet, she'd eat dinner here and then heard straight to her room, it'd be too risky to be out in the open for too long. "Erm, when is dinner?" She asked.
"Whenever you want my dear" The kind innkeeper said, leading her to the table. Sansa followed suit and took a table near the back, "Sit down here and we'll get you some hot food. Would you like ale, water or wine to drink dear?"
"Water please" The innkeeper nodded and walked off to grab her supper and Sansa allowed herself a small sigh of relief. She was going to get a good night's sleep, a proper meal and be able to rest easy for a night. After breaking her fast in the morning she'd buy some food for the road, fill up on water and then head back out. She was unsure how many more inns were ahead, and she knew she wouldn't be able to stop in many, and so she wanted to be prepared. Perhaps she'd see about buying another blanket, it would get colder as she went North. She needed to be prepared if she ever hoped to make it back to her brother.
And she would, she was determined, no matter how hard it was, how tiring and how scary it was better than being back in the grasp of the Lannister's, it would all be worth it if she made it back to her family.
The innkeeper returned them, placing down a cup with a large jug of water, as well as a large plate of meat, vegetables, potatoes, fresh rolls, and a gravy covering the lot. "Grab me if you need anything dear" She said before leaving, which Sansa was thankful for, she was too tired to come up with a story about herself now, a reason for travel, she was too tired to fabricate something. She wanted to eat, bath, and go to bed, three simple things, and yet right now they were luxuries to her.
She tucked into her food then and though it was simple fare it was fantastic, and she wasn't quite as ladylike as she would normally be as she tucked in. It was delicious compared to the hard bread and mushy fruits she'd been eating at the roadside and she savoured the warm food. She regretted not stocking up on more food as she had left Kings Landing but she knew she wouldn't have been able to. She was sure the reason her escape had worked was that it had been so last minute, she had given no one any indication of her plans (as they had been spontaneous), and so no one had been able to stop her for they hadn't known.
Sansa took her time eating her food, for she would hide in her room for the rest of the night. She took her time eating it, enjoying it, she didn't know when she'd be getting her next hot meal after all. After she finished, she drank two cups of water, and then retired upstairs, though she slipped two rolls in her pockets, either for later or for the road.
Her rooms were comfortable and warm, if plain, with a fire roaring in the hearth and a hot bath waiting for her. She lowered herself into it with a deep sigh, but not before leaving her dress in a little basket by the door, leaving it to be washed along with her small clothes she had placed in to. She only had one gown to wear and so she would take any opportunity to wash it so she could feel clean.
She lazed in the bath for a long time, simply revelling in the warm water, her head on the edge of the tub. Only when the water began to chill did she rouse herself and step out. She grabbed a robe left for her and snacked on the rolls she had taken from dinner, she wasn't going to deny her hunger, she could buy more food in the morning.
Once she had bathed, her gown was returned, and she was comfortable she settled into bed. However, as soon as she slipped under the sheets she jumped back up and grabbed the butter knife from her bag, slipping it under her pillow. She grabbed her bag and shoved it under the sheets with her, as well as her blanket. She felt the knife under her pillow and felt reassured, though it would be useless if guards burst into the rooms, she could use it on herself.
For a moment she wondered, if Lannister guards did invade her rooms would she able to do it? Rake the knife across her throat (it certainly seemed sharp enough)? Would she have the courage? She almost feared her own answer … she could.
She would never return to the Lannister's, never step foot back in the Capitol or the Red Keep, she'd sooner die. And so, she knew, as she clutched the knife under the pillow, she knew that if it came to that choice: die or return … the former would win every time.
And so, as she drifted off to sleep that was what her mind was filled with. As she had slept on the forest floor a night before she had thought of her freedom, of her joy at escaping the lions den, but as she slowly drifted off in the comfortable bed in the inn her mind was the opposite of that, as she thought about slitting her own throat to avoid the clutch of the Lannister's. Her mind was on whether she could do it, whether she would do it if the time came.
She knew she would if she had to, she would never return to the Lannister's, never again.
He woke the next morning and he felt more like his old self. He was rested, fed, clean and he felt good for it. Months in captivity had affected him harshly, and not just physically. Physically he had low strength, had become weak, had lost so much training. But mentally? With hours and hours of self-realisation, of questioning every life decision and choice … it had been hell. He had thought of Cersei, of his father, of the Lannister name. Of his seed in Joffrey, Mycrella and Tommen, of Casterly Rock. He had thought about his position as a glorified bodyguard, he thought of all the choices he had made.
'Oathbreaker'
'Kingslayer'
'Man, without honour'
He thought of what people thought of him, what they said about him. He had wept on one night, as he thought of all he had done, and all he had been given for it. Self-realisation was harsh, and yet he knew it had improved him … in some way at least, that he still had to figure out.
The other effects, the physical could be cured more easily. Once back in Kings Landing, he could get straight back on training, on swinging his sword, duelling, jousting, all of it. He smiled as he thought of the training grounds, of getting back to his former strength, he could hardly wait.
He dressed himself in his clean clothes, as threadbare as they were at least they were clean, and made his way down to break his fast. His bag was empty bar some money and he knew he needed to stock up on some supplies before leaving. If he wanted to do the trip to Kings Landing in one go he'd need to be stocked up, and he did want to do it in one trip, he would do it, he would ride hard to finally return home.
The morning meal was served, and he found himself in the dining room again, though only one other person was up this early alongside him. He glanced over and realised it was a girl, though her hood covered most of her face, though not that nasty black eye. He raised an eyebrow at that, it was odd for a girl to be travelling alone. For a moment he considered offering assistance but no, that might come across as predatory, and besides he had a home to return to.
He frowned at himself then, wasn't that one of his vows? 'Protect the weak'. There were so many it was hard to remember them all, he thought with a smile to himself. Should he offer to help this wayward girl who was likely in danger if she were by herself … but he decided no, it might come across as creepy, and he doubted she would even accept his help.
He also had other innocents to help, the Stark girls. He may be returning home, and he intended to, but he knew first he had to return Sansa and Arya to their mother, as he had sworn.
This was one vow he would swear to keep.
He thought then of the Stark girls, though his mind focused on one, Sansa. That was a problem, for his father had decided he would marry the girl he had promised to return home. He would need to find a way around that, and he would. In a way it hit two birds with one stone, he'd return her to her mother and be free of his betrothal to her. With that he was slightly cheered, though he knew he still had to convince his father, which would not be an easy feat.
With a small sigh he tucked into his meal, the food was good, and he ate his fill. He had a long journey ahead of him after all.
She was first into the dining room come morning, even now when out of the lions den she slept little, though a good seven hours had been far more than she'd had in months and it was good for the road. She felt rested, more so than in a long time, and yet soon she had to head out, she could not afford to lose anymore time. She would set off as soon as she had eaten and wouldn't stop again until it was dark. Tonight, she would sleep outside, and as much as she dreaded it, she knew it were necessary, stopping at every inn along the way was a sure way to get caught.
She broke her fast quickly, eating the food without really tasting it, for filling up was more important. She was a little wary as well, the only other person in the room; a man, kept glancing at her and she felt worried. She had been lucky so far, only encountering a few septa's and merchants on the road, any men she had seen she had hurried quickly past, riding for a good hour before slowing down. She didn't want any attention and so she tugged her hood further down, her heart beating faster until finally he seemed to look away. At that she let out a little breath of relief, but ate her meal even faster, quickly drank down two cups of water and made her way to the main desk, she needed to leave. Unfortunately, in her haste she hadn't seen the man had finished before her and had made it to the desk first.
Still, she needed supplies and so she stood in line behind him, eyes on the floor, hood covering as much of her face as possible. She had used some salve on her hands and face that morning and they were still sore but a little better. Now she needed to buy some food, perhaps a blanket and then she would leave.
She had to be careful, she knew she was a pretty girl, knew the danger that came with travelling alone as a woman and she was scared, constantly even, but it was a risk she had to take if she wanted to return home, which she did, more than anything. Thus, as scared as she was, she had to risk it.
She heard the man in front of her say goodbye to the innkeep and then he turned to walk away, her gaze never left the floor, which turned out to be a mistake. In keeping her head down, she didn't see him turn, didn't realise he'd turned too close to her, and she felt him smack into her then, he clearly as confused as she. He hit into her and she hit the floor with a thud, a little moan leaving her lips as she felt some wind knocked out of her. Thankfully, her breathe caught quickly and she scrambled to her feet, ignoring the man's hand to help her stand, as she made her own way to her feet quickly.
"My Lady I apologise" The man began to speak before he stopped abruptly and then she finally glanced up at him, realising too late as she looked at him and saw the confusion on his face, that her hood had slipped off. She felt panic in her throat as she realised, he could see her face, her distinctive hair, the necklace at her throat. Panic threatened to incapacitate her, and she felt almost sick as she took a step back from him, he had seen her, oh god, would he recognise her?
Her question was answered as she took a step back and his hand shot out to grip her wrist. Tears threatened her but none fell as she felt pure panic race up her spine, her breathing quickened and heartbeat like a hummingbird against her chest. Her question was answered as he spoke and Sansa knew, she knew she couldn't panic, she had to get away, get away now, though she was immobile as he spoke.
"Lady Sansa, what are you doing here?"
first meeting! ahhhh here we go. like/hate/dislike? tell me, I love to know.
I did debate dragging the first meeting out but was keen to kick things off, this story is about them, they need to meet!
lemme know if you like, follow for updates, fav to save (aha rhyme).
speak soon