authorsnote: edited 18/07
ooof this chapter was a toughie, lots of emotional stuff but I won't spoil! lemme know what you think!
pls enjoy
songrecs: no one - alicia keys
Something had shifted between them, that much was clear. To a man who had always prided himself on his ability to read people, on his ability to understand their body language and their state of mind, he knew … something had changed. It wasn't necessarily a drastic change, but it was a distinct change, a very distinct change.
It had been a week since the … misunderstanding in the forest, which had left them clutching at one another for hours on end, as the rain poured down around them (and yet neither had moved or cared too). A week since things had shifted between them, a week since things had become different. Since the shift, the change.
It seemed she trusted him more, she didn't flinch away from him when he tried to help her, she slept a little closer to him each night, she spoke more than empty platitudes and courtesies. With each and every day passing, as they rode on the backs of their horse, as they passed the Stokeworth border, and rode through Brindlewood … things seemed to become easier. He'd even caught her smiling once or twice, and when a drunken fool had tried it with her at a tavern, they'd stopped in she'd instinctively called out his name.
It was clear she had come to trust him, and it made things a hell of a lot easier.
And so, as the sun rose on another morning, after another night slumbering in the forest, Jaime prepared to face the day with a smile. They had been surprisingly lucky on their journey so far. Sure, they'd had a few nights of hungry stomachs, but all in all their journey had been smooth, they were making good time, and were evidently staying ahead of any search parties at their backs, it seemed luck was on their side for the time being, and yet he knew he needed to remain vigilant, he would remain vigilant, no matter if luck had sided with them or not.
Either way, Jaime would feel better once they reached the Riverland's, it was safer territory for them, at least … it was for her, and he hoped it would be for him.
"Jaime, do we have any apples left?" Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he found himself smiling; another bonus, she'd started calling him by his actual name, not just 'Ser' or 'My Lord', it really seemed Sansa was starting to trust him, and he was thankful for that, it had been a while since anyone outside of his family had trusted him to do right by them, and in truth that was all he was trying to do; right by Sansa Stark, and right by Lady Catelyn who he'd made his vow too. It felt good to be achieving it, though he'd be throwing no victory parties yet, they still had a long, long way to go.
"Two" He said as he turned back to her, reached for one of the saddle bags and picked out two apples. He handed one to her with a smile and took the other for himself. As far as breakfast went it wasn't too bad, though that was the last of the food, they'd need to stop and find more before nightfall now.
Still, they were making very good time, surging forwards, and soon they would be in the Riverland's, from there they would find out where Robb was and make their way to him, whether it be at the Twins or in the North. Sure, Jaime didn't relish the idea of going up to the barren, cold wasteland of the North, but he'd do it. He'd do it for Sansa.
He had gotten to the point now where he felt like he'd do anything to get Sansa home.
It wasn't just that part of him wanted to help her it was something more than that now. He had realised it as the days ticked by, he had realised it in that prison cell, when Catelyn Stark had released him based on a promise. He had known it for a while, but now as they made progress away from King's Landing, now he realised it all the more.
Sansa Stark was his salvation.
She was his chance, his chance to redeem his ruined honour, his chance to finally make something of himself. She was his chance, his salvation … with Sansa maybe he could actually do something with himself, maybe he could be admired, he could show he was more than just a fuck up, more than a glorified bodyguard. He could redeem himself. Knowing that, knowing what she was to him, his behaviour had changed towards her … not distinctly, but a little. He was a little kinder, not so arrogant nor dismissive of how she seemed. He was a little more attentive in some ways. Sure, he wasn't about to have a personality transplant, he was still Jaime Lannister and he'd die before he took life too seriously, but knowing what a chance she was giving him, knowing how much she was doing for him (and she didn't' even know it), he couldn't help but treat her a little differently, and hopefully it was for the better.
"Jaime?" Shaking himself out of his thoughts, he turned to see Sansa by the horse. Time was ticking on in the day now, and they had hoped to make good ground today, and so with a nod he tried to focus, and made his way over to her, his finished apple core thrown into the woods.
"Right, ready?" He asked, his voice a little gruff before he cleared his throat. At her nod he hoisted her onto the horse, and then pulled himself up behind. He had gotten used to that position now, to wrapping his arms around her. Often, she slept against him, and that in truth made him feel warm, that she trusted him enough to sleep in the circle of his arms.
She trusted him. She trusted him to keep her safe.
It was then he decided, with an absolute resolution; Sansa could always trust him to keep her safe, because he would. And as he urged the horse forward through the forest and then onto the barren road, he nodded to himself. He would keep her safe, he would.
Something had shifted between them; she could see that clear as day. Many in Kings Landing had called her unobservant, foolish, and yet she knew she was neither of those things. Quiet and beaten down? Yes. Unobservant? Never. In Kings Landing she had always observed the goings on in court, and had seen everything with a sharp gaze, a shield of courtesies and a well-trained eye. She had hidden behind the walls of courtesy she had needed to survive, fool she was not.
She observed something different now in her … companionship with Jaime. Just using his name remarked a notable shift, that she felt comfortable enough to do so. If someone had told her weeks ago, she would soon feel comfortable and trusting around a Lannister she would have thought them mad, lame or addled … but no, they would have been right. She did trust Jaime, and she felt secure in that trust, sure, part of her was still reserved, hesitant but she did trust him, she trusted him to keep her safe, to protect her, it was something she wouldn't have expected.
He had proved himself thus far, he had kept her safe from bandits and awful arrogant men, he had ensured she was well fed and as comfortable as one could be on the run, and more importantly he was taking her home! Home!
As hours went by on the road, she could almost feel the air changing, feel the wind pushing her in the direction of home. They were close to the Riverland's now, her mother's territory, Tully territory. She was so close to being safer, and he was taking her there, he was staying true to his word and his vow.
How could she not trust him, when he had saved her so?
Because now she acknowledged that he had saved her. He was taking her home, ensuring she never fell into his families grasp again. She knew once they reached Robb, she would never return South, not ever again. She belonged in the North, and she'd be happy to never see the South again. She would be truly safe! And it was mostly thanks to Jaime. Yes, she had been the one to climb out of her window and get a day's ride away from King's Landing, but now? When they were creeping further and further away? That was due to Jaime, she knew that.
He had saved her … he had. He had kept her safe, and as she found herself unconsciously leaning back against him after several hours of riding, he was comfortable and warm, and she felt trusting enough to do so. She let out a small sigh of contentment as she rested back, it felt good, and it felt good to trust him, to be safe with him.
She had been lonely for so long.
So, so long. In King's Landing she'd had no-one, no-one at all, and even though she wasn't foolish to think Jaime held any regard for her, at least he was here, treating her almost like a friend … no, not friend, but more like a companion he had sworn to protect.
He was company, sure they didn't talk much, but there was a comfortable atmosphere around them since the morning in the rain, that hadn't been there before. Sansa hadn't had such a feeling in a long, long while; the feeling of being comfortable and at ease around someone, not questioning their motives, actions, or words. She felt at ease, for the first time in over a year.
She leaned back against Jaime, but it wasn't to sleep, it was just to ease her back, and she trusted him enough to do so. At the start of their journey she wouldn't have dared do so, but now? She felt at ease, and comfortable enough to do so.
How strange it was – feeling so comfortable with a Lannister. And yet, Sansa couldn't help but feel that maybe Jaime was more like his little brother than his sister; kinder, gentler, and with a smile she nodded to herself. Ser Jaime was certainly full of surprises.
An hour or so ticked by as Sansa leaned back against Jaime. She didn't shut her eyes, but happily rested back. She kept her gaze on the road ahead, as the horse cantered forward, as Jaime controlled it with ease and a flick of his wrists, and they made good time over the road.
"Sansa? Are you asleep?" She heard him speak, and in response she shook her head, but she stiffened a little and felt her cheeks warm, what must he think? She resting back against his unintentional embrace? She edged forward a little, and bit down on her lip, what to say?
It wasn't proper, not in the slightest, and yet none of this were proper, an unmarried woman travelling with a Knight was the height of scandal, but these weren't normal circumstances, she was no longer a little lady obsessed with things such as that, there were more important things now.
"No, just resting, sorry" She mumbled hastily, and she heard him laugh, to which she couldn't help but roll her eyes. She swore he took very little that went on day-to-day seriously. Take the other day in the tavern, when a drunken Knight had tried to grope her, she'd called for him, and he'd been at her side in a second yes, but had laughed as the Knight had challenged him 'for his Lady's hand' before cutting the brute in half with one swing of his sword. He was so carefree in regard to many things, so arrogant and sure of himself. Sure, in some ways it was comforting, it made her feel safer, but sometimes it grinded on her nerves.
"It's fine" He replied, as he pushed the horse forward, "Feel free to sit back, we'll be riding for a few more hours yet" He said with a nod of his head, "Then there is an inn a few hours away, we'll stay there tonight and get some food, okay?" To which she could only nod, evidently, he was trying to ease her embarrassment, though his laughter hadn't help.
She couldn't help but feel embarrassed. In normal circumstances the way they were acting with one another would be deemed completely inappropriate. She had her hands on his thighs for balance, his chest was pressed to her back, and he had his arms wound tightly around her to reach the reigns. The fact they also slept by one another (though admittedly a fair distance away) with no one else around at night was another strike. She almost laughed at the thought of just how unladylike her behaviour was, but what other choice did she have? She could hardly demand a chaperone! Still, she imagined what her younger self would have thought; well her younger self would have likely been part horrified and thrilled with all the gallantry of it. Now that caused another eye roll, how stupid she had been.
No, she had the right of it before, there were more important things now, more important than social etiquette. She was on the run for goodness sake, she had more pressing issues at hand than the unladylike situation she was in!
"Sansa?" His voice jolted her back to the present, and she nodded, before leaning back once more. After all, she was comfortable with him, it was just a little embarrassing that was all. After all he was a man, she a woman … of course there would be some embarrassments, and her cheeks certainly showed that, flaming as she leaned back against him, clashing with her red hair.
But she didn't have to worry about anything … anything like that! After all, there was nothing like that between them! Goodness, even her thoughts were a mess! No, she told herself firmly, there was nothing like that. Not only was Jaime much older than she, and a Lannister for that matter, but he was only helping her to honour the vow he had made to her mother. It was nothing like that! She nodded to herself and put that thought to bed immediately.
Well … sort of. After all she couldn't help but think over the positives she had ignored. Jaime was very handsome yes, and he seemed to be kind to her. But then he was also arrogant, brash, quick to have a temper, and again, a Lannister! And so, this time she did put the thought to bed, and settled herself back.
However, soon her eyes drifted shut, the combination of the swaying of the horse, the warm weather overhead and the fact she was catching up on months of missed sleep lulled her into the land of dreams. It was nothing, absolutely nothing to do with the warm and reassuring presence of Jaime Lannister behind her …
At least that was what she told herself as she drifted off to sleep.
Hours later and Jaime was forced to shake the sleeping maiden awake. She was sleeping a fair bit, but he could hardly blame her. They didn't get much sleep at night in the forest, they were constantly on the move with not enough food, and no doubt she had enough sleep to be catching up on after her time in King's Landing.
Though Jaime didn't know what she had endured when stuck in the Capitol, he could guess it wasn't good. He knew his son … well his seed (for he had never been anything more), was a nasty piece of work, and then there was his father who was horrid to everyone, and then his sister … Oh Cersei.
He couldn't imagine what she was doing right now, likely wondering where he was and fuming over the escape of Sansa. He almost smiled at that as he dismounted the horse and shook Sansa's shoulder a little again, he could imagine her fury, something he'd always found amusing.
Oh, his dear sister, how he had loved her … and in some ways still did. However, his thoughts on that note had changed a little. His time in captivity had been illuminating in that regard. It had dawned on him just how … toxic their relationship had been. He had always loved her of course, and in some ways always would, those feelings could likely never be shaken, but he had come to realise just how bad their relationship had been.
In truth it mainly consisted of them fighting, fucking, and him pretending to listen to her planning and scheming. He would always love her of course, but in truth most of his affection for her had been cured due to his stint as a prisoner, being on the road, turning his back on his family … that had illuminated it further.
"Sansa" He said gently, as he shook her once more, and she awoke with a small gasp. Her blue eyes opened, and she glanced around before realising she was safe, and he held out a hand to help her down. Her small hand slipped into his and he pulled her down from the horse as he did every day, before releasing her and motioning for her to head inside.
Sansa Stark now that was a puzzle. Of course, he was glad she was more comfortable with him, more trusting … but it also came with complications. He was a man after all! Spending all day with her pressed up against him, squirming sometimes, and then the sway of the horse. He knew it was wrong, to … get those feelings, considering her age, and who she was, the little sister of the man his family was fighting. But he didn't see her like that! Of course, not, it was just a natural reaction … or at least that was what he told himself.
After all no one could deny her beauty. She was a stunning young woman, likely the most beautiful in the Seven Kingdoms. And she was still young, her beauty would likely blossom even more as she aged. Still, he had no business looking at like that, none at all.
But then it wasn't just that. Yes, he was attracted to her, as a hot-blooded male he could admit that to himself, but there was more than that. Sure, he was holding her up as his salvation (which he was still sure she was), but there were little things he noticed about her that endeared her to him.
She always offered him some of her food (though he never took it), her giggle was delightful, she blushed at practically everything, she had an adorable little grin. He couldn't help but notice those things. And then there were the more obvious things, the way she had clung to him when she had feared the knight in the tavern, the way she had cried into his chest, refusing to let go … all those things stirred some feelings in him.
Feelings he was not ready to acknowledge, not now, not ever if it were up to him.
Shaking those thoughts away (though they persisted in the back of his mind, they had since she had begun to be more comfortable and trusting around him), he followed her into the tavern.
As soon as he saw the inside, he pulled her to his side, tugged her hood up, and placed a hand on his sword. Every other place they'd been to had been quiet, but this place was overfilling with people.
He was tempted to turn around and leave, and yet they both needed food, desperately and he knew they would simply have to be careful. They didn't have that many choices on the road after all, and he knew the next place to pick up supplies was a two day ride away, they had no choice but to stop, unless they wished to go hungry for two days.
"Should we leave?" Sansa said, shuffling a bit closer as she spoke. He placed a hand around her waist then, pulling her flush against his side. He heard her squeal a bit, but she didn't protest, not when they were in this slightly worrying situation, and he was pulling her closer to protect her.
"No" He said back, moving them towards the front desk, "We need provisions, and the forest is too thin here to sleep in, just be careful and do not leave my side" He emphasised the last part of the sentence, as that part was imperative.
At her nod he pulled them to the front desk, to the man who looked quite harried and beleaguered, but turned to greet them all the same. The innkeeper clearly had been busy, and Jaime hoped to leave the man be as quickly as possible, hoped to get them up to a room, away from the abundance of people downstairs.
"Room for 2?" The man said, reaching for a key on the board behind the desk with a look of a man ready to sleep for a week.
"Yes" Jaime replied, with an attempt at a smile, after all they had to act natural. He couldn't see any soldiers around, it seemed to be mainly families, but he wouldn't risk drawing suspicion to them. "Two beds though"
"Sorry" The innkeeper replied, placing the key down on the desk, "We've only got double rooms, and only one left" He jerked his head at the two couples now cueing behind them, "You want it or not?" He asked, and Jaime nodded his head, making a snap decision since they didn't really have any other choice.
Sansa didn't comment but he saw her eyes widen as he placed down some money and took the key, ordered food to their room with the slapping down of a golden dragon and then hurried them off to the stairs.
"One bed?" She asked in surprise as they made their way to their room, thankfully it wasn't far.
"Not ideal I'll admit, but we can't sleep in the forest here, and we need food and supplies" He said, and in a tone that said it was done and dusted. He noticed her frown and the red tinge to her cheeks, but she nodded and followed him down the corridor without further protest of question, until he opened the door for them to their room, and motioned her inside.
The room was tiny, one double bed crammed into the space, and a small table next to it, no space at all. He raised an eyebrow but was thankful to see a separate room leading off with a bath and privy inside, at least now he could have a moment to himself, to consider over what was about to happen. "I'm going to wash" He said with a sharp nod, and he left her to sit on the bed before he closed himself in the bathroom.
Once inside he let out a deep breath. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He exclaimed in a whisper to himself. This was bad, this was really bad. There was no room on the floor for him to sleep, which meant sharing a bed, sharing a bed with Sansa Stark.
Hurriedly he went about washing himself, as a means of distraction if anything else. This was not ideal, not in the slightest, but after five minutes alone in the bathroom he was calmer. They would have to make do, it was as simple as that, after all, what choice did they have?
He knew it wasn't a great situation, the fact he'd be sleeping in bed with her, but they'd both wear their small clothes, sleep far enough apart, and keep their hands to themselves. It would be fine! Or at least that was what he told himself as he returned to the room, dressed in a simple pair of breeches he'd bought at their last stop, and a plain tunic, they each had two changes of clothes now, and so he felt clean, if a little jittery.
He came back into the room to find her tucking into dinner (and avoiding looking at him) to which he joined her in the former. Neither said anything during the meal. He knew they were both thinking the same thing, of the giant elephant in the room, that they'd have to share a bed. Still, he remained quiet on it, and just nodded as she excused herself to the bathroom to wash up.
Jaime took the time to get into the bed, on the side closest to the door, and lie himself down. Damn a bed felt good after the hard forest floor he could admit that, and yet he found he couldn't relax. Of course, he knew why, and he glared at the bathroom. Goddamn it, after the thoughts he'd been having, this was exactly what should be avoided! Not just that, but the situation itself was a nightmare!
About half an hour later Sansa emerged from the bathroom. She was clean and scrubbed, her hair left loose down her back, and she was dressed … in her small clothes, which did cover her up, but evidently, she was embarrassed to be wearing.
He only glanced her way for only a second before looking away, as she scrambled into bed next to him, her cheeks burning pink. He didn't glance over again, both hoping to spare her any embarrassment, and also avoiding looking at the fact Sansa was lying in bed next to him.
Jaime wished he could just sleep, to ignore this problem, but he could see Sansa was practically falling off the bed in trying to make distance between them and was as stiff and tense as a rod, he knew he was likely the same when it came to the latter. And so, with a small sigh, he turned his head to look at her. "Sansa?" She flinched as soon as he said her name, and he gritted his teeth, well this wouldn't be easy.
"I know this isn't ideal" He said, and he watched as she turned to face him, her eyes wide with fear. "But I hope you know I won't hurt you … nor touch you, you need not fear that from me" He reassured her, or at least tried to, he knew his voice was tense, but he hoped his expression was kind, for of course he meant the words he said in earnest.
"I know that" She said, surprise colouring her voice, and he found himself smiling at her trust in him, that was what made him feel warm inside, how she trusted him truly, it made him feel strong, feel honourable - in truth she was the only person to ever really make him feel like that. "I'm just … I've never slept in a bed with a man before" She said in explanation, to which he nodded his head, trying to be understanding, after all this was new to her. He was nervous as well, no doubt she was a bundle of nerves herself in comparison.
"Well don't worry" He said, trying to appear calm, hoping it would radiate onto her, he didn't want any tension he was feeling to make her feel worse, "All we'll do is sleep, of course, you're safe" She nodded again, and then sunk down into the bed, her tension seemingly gone … or at least lessened. He too allowed himself to relax and settled into sleep.
Well that had been easier than he had anticipated. He hoped his reassurance was just that, reassuring. It wasn't the best of situations, but it was a temporary affair, and they both needed rest, a proper night's rest in a bed, and that was what they were getting, no matter the circumstances.
"Jaime?" He heard her voice, a whisper in the dark room, as the moonlight dimmed, and he debated pretending to be asleep in case things became awkward again, but instead he cleared his throat and spoke.
"Yes, Sansa?" He asked, his voice gentle for once, his eyes remaining shut.
"Thank you" Was all she said, and he found himself smiling again, the awkwardness forgotten.
He wasn't sure why she did what she did next, in finding his hand with hers and slipping her fingers between his, but he didn't resist, in truth he didn't want to resist. Instead he continued to smile, and as he flicked his eyes open and looked across at her, he saw she too was smiling, and had closed her eyes. She looked peaceful, truly peaceful, and it was the first time he could ever recall her looking as such, it warmed him, and on instinct he leaned forward and placed the gentlest of kisses to her forehead before settling back, his hand still encasing hers, each of them lying on their sides, facing one another, at ease ... in a way Jaime hadn't thought possible. If anything, he noticed her smile grow then, but she didn't open her eyes, apparently content.
"Goodnight Sansa" He said gently, and he saw her nod, that peaceful smile still in place.
"Goodnight Jaime"
soo thoughts?
I fangirled writing this ending, we have progress!
now this fic is still 100% slowburn, but our couple are growing more comfortable with one another, trusting one another, clearly attracted to one another, they'll be a few more 'close' situations like this!
I hope you enjoyed this update, lemme know if you did!
speak soon