authorsnote: pre-christmas update bby
I am aiming to update all my fics (okay lets be real 60%, but we're aiming for 100%!), before christmas, and I'm 3/3 since starting on saturday!
I do hope you enjoy, do leave a review, they keep me going!
songrecs: no tears left to cry - ariana grande (I love the miley cyrus live lounge cover too)
They walk for hours.
Traipsing through countryside, as the sky darkens, as they slowly move away from the burning wreck of a town, as the smoke clears in the air, they make their way forward, the pace slow.
It makes her appreciate the horse, regardless of how it had hurt her thighs, she feels a pang of sadness for the mare, it had taken her far, taken her away from her prison, had carried her and Jaime to the North … well north, though not quite far enough, not to the lands of the North.
Still, she says a prayer for it as they walk, not out loud, and she feels a bit stupid for doing so, but she does anyway.
'Life is not a song; you will learn that to your sorrow'
That's what Littlefinger had said to her, probably referring little moments like this, when she'd say a prayer for a horse, but she didn't care, not now, she'd toughed up, she knew that, but she hadn't quite reached cynical, not yet.
Maybe she needed to, maybe it was a danger to, she wasn't sure.
She remembered his other words,
'We're all liars here'
Who should she believe?
She felt she could believe Jaime, could trust him, but then he was of King's Landing too, a Lannister, still, that didn't matter to her, not anymore, not as he turned to her walked beside her, taking her home, his hand in hers.
No, it didn't matter to her, Jaime's past, not anymore, not after all he'd done.
And so, she followed him, trusting him, completely. She followed him as they walked East, the sky growing darker and darker, the flames soon gone from their vision, leaving them only in the dark. She clutched at Jaime's hand tightly, afraid to lose him. They were deep in the country now, no lights from keeps or torches held aloft, it was near completely black.
It was a bit disconcerting, the darkness, it felt like it could swallow her whole.
'And into the void I step'
She felt like she was on the edge of something, as though if she took another step she'd fall, down and down. It was scary.
"Stop" Jaime said, his voice a whisper, and she immediately followed his command, a flutter of fear over her heart, coming to a straight stop next to him. However, as he went to release his hand she held on tight, her grip firm, she didn't want to let go, what if she couldn't find him again? What if she fell?
"It's alright" His tone was gentle, "I just need to light a torch, I picked up a branch, and I need to light it"
She still paused, and then felt him moving her hand, unclenching her fingers, and then she felt him guide her hand to the edge of his tunic, which she gripped, feeling something ease in her, she knew she was being a bit silly, but the idea of losing Jaime in the night, to this darkness, was terrifying.
"Sorry" She whispered, for she knew she was acting foolish, she felt a touch embarrassed, but not enough to stop gripping as he fussed about with a flint.
"Don't be" He said immediately, "It's cute" He teased, "And I understand, I don't want us to be separated either" That soothed her, following the teasing, and she nodded, even though he couldn't see.
But their vision problems were only temporary, as with a slash and a flicker, Jaime got a small flame going. He transferred it to a branch she could soon see he'd wrapped in leaves, strung together with a vine, it burned well, illuminating their current position, which unsurprisingly was in a field.
"Isn't it dangerous?" She whispered as Jaime urged her forward, his hand taking hers again as they carried on, searching out an elusive farm, "To have a flame?"
He nodded, and offered her a smile, seemingly pleased she was learning some survival skills, she thought then of having to do this alone and shivered, the prospect was not a welcome one, and she found herself again thankful for Jaime.
"It's more dangerous not to see where we are, where we're going or who might be near" She nodded at his words, they made sense, with a fire they risked being seen, but without it they risked much more, still she found herself wishing for daybreak.
And so they trudged on, a little light helping them along their way until dawn.
She was wishing for it all the more an hour later, when they had been through two more lit branches, and were no closer to finding a farm or any kind of dwelling.
It was just endless stretches of grass, nothing else, it was almost dull if not so eerie.
Endless fields, endless stretches, the occasional gate or tree, but no keeps, no structures, not even so much as a feed house. They were deep in the country now, clearly the Kings Road, and the burned structure they'd had to flee had been the only civilization around.
It was strange, feeling so out of place in the country, this was what her home was like, Winterfell was a busy place, but surrounded by untamed, wild, country, many of which she'd traipsed over. She'd gotten so used to King's Landing she felt lost here, out in the open. And it so different, the North was overrun with trees, abandoned keeps, tall grass, not just this endless stretch of night.
They kept walking though, for what else could they do? Even after another hour when no more buildings appeared, nothing, evening having flew by, cold, dark, and they couldn't keep walking through the night, not for much longer. The moon in the sky offered some light but not enough, nor did the torch, not enough to see beyond a few steps in front of them.
"Jaime…" She pauses, what can she say? She doesn't know what to do here, does Jaime?
"I know" He sounds frustrated but squeezes her hand to show it is not directed at her, just a general frustration which she understands, she feels it too.
Once again, she is so thankful Jaime is with her, the idea of facing this alone … it makes her chill at the thought. Not just because of how she'd have no idea what to do and would have likely been recaptured or killed by now, but also because having someone else, someone for comfort, to talk to … she couldn't imagine being without it, and without Jaime specifically.
"We need to bunker down for the night" She felt Jaime tug on her hand as he spoke, turning her around, and she followed his lead, trusting him, always trusting him.
Tiredness had started to take her over, it was cold, she was just thankful there was no rain, and with the cold she felt her eyelids growing heavy. She was used to a lack of sleep, could power through it to an extent, but she still felt the effects, the exhaustion creeping over her, like mist rolling up her back.
They walked for what felt like ages, but was only a few minutes more, and then a few more, and then it all blurred together. She managed to keep her eyes open, just, but only just.
It had come on fairly quickly, she was sure it was because the day had been so intense, so action packed, it was all catching up with her, and quickly, she needed to rest.
And so, she stumbled along, following Jaime, trusting him, her trust in him complete now, unshakable she was sure. She followed, her hem dragging on the grass, another unladylike yawn leaving her mouth; it spoke to how tired she was that she didn't try to stifle it.
"Here" Jaime's voice startled her a touch, dragging her abruptly from the fog of her tired mind. She realised they'd come to a stop, in front of a small bridge, the torch held of Jaime's face, his eyebrows furrowed together in concern. "We'll be hidden here; we can rest for a bit"
"Here?" She repeated back to him. It was damp under the bridge, cold, muddy, it did provide some shelter, but was even worse than the forest they'd been hiding in. She wrinkled her nose, perhaps she hadn't fully let go of her need for comforts.
Because as awful as Kings Landing had been, she'd been kept appropriate to her station, and even when escaping she'd had a horse, some food, had curled up on the grass next to a fire in the forest, hidden by the trees. Here she was to sit under a dirty bridge, in the mud and damp, no food, nothing.
What a fall from grace.
"I know" Jaime said with a bitter smile, she was thankful he didn't mock her for it, she couldn't take that, not now, not in the face of this, "But this is the reality from here on out"
Part of her wanted to cry, childish as it might be, she was tired, cold, hungry, and they'd lost their horse, lost their way North. Her feet hurt, her hands too, and her lungs still hurt a touch from the smoke, her chest a little tight, her head pounding. She wanted to curl into a ball and let self-pity take her over, bury her.
'What poison is to food, self-pity is to life'
Maester Luwin had said that to her once, when she'd been crying about not being allowed to visit Riverrun at age 8. Back then she'd rolled her eyes at his words before stomping off to her room, now she could see the wisdom in it.
It would be oh so easy, oh so easy to curl into a ball and let her pity take her. To weep over how far she'd fallen, to cry over everything that had been taken from her, to let it consume her as she'd let it before. She remembered sobbing in her bed at Kings Landing, crying in the gardens, shaking with sobs at her window. So easy to let it take over.
And yet this wasn't Kings Landing, and she knew, she knew, she'd take a muddy and cold bridge over the Red Keep any day, every day.
Those words were something, her reflections more, but not enough. It was Jaime's face, his protection, and the slight flicker of worry for her she saw in his eyes that had her force down her tears, stopped her from crumpling over and crying. She couldn't quite manage a smile, but she nodded, and took Jaime's hand, following him under the bridge, managing that smile as he squeezed her hand in his.
She could handle this, she could, she'd handled far worse than being cold and uncomfortable, far, far worse.
It was better under the shelter too, under the bridge, a tad warmer, the stone protecting them from the wind, offering some shelter from the cold, far better than nothing.
It was enough for the night, tomorrow they'd need to think about a more permanent solution, about perhaps getting another horse, about where else they could rest, about food and clothes and perhaps a wash, but for now? For now, it was enough.
Jaime was enough.
They placed down a blanket to protect from the damp, and quickly huddled together. They couldn't risk a full fire, but Jaime propped the head of the torch up on some sticks, it gave some warmth and enough light for them to see, but not to be seen. Quickly Jaime tucked her under his arm, wrapping his cloak around her as well as himself, she in turn tucked her cloak over his legs and hers. It was better this way, warmer, comfier.
It was also the closest they'd been.
Neither even noticed, cuddling together, trying to keep the warm out, tucked tightly together to preserve any hint of warmth. Sansa's head slipped naturally under Jaime's chin, resting against his chest, Jaime's head resting on her. It was natural, comfortable, as comfortable as they could get, and they both needed some comfort now.
"I'll protect you" Jaime said, and she felt it was more for him, than her, but she nodded, knowing it to be true.
"I know" Was all she offered, there didn't need to be anymore than that.
"I wish I could get you home now, wish I could have got you through that fire" He whispered, and Sansa found herself pulling a little closer to him, just a little.
"We're here" She said gently, "Together" She was the one offering comfort now, it felt strange … but nice, "It's where I want to be"
It almost transformed their situation, the words, their closeness, as they clustered together, Jaime's hand slipping into hers, her eyes sliding shut, the warmth of the torch offering just enough to stop her from freezing. It wasn't particularly comfortable in a practical sense, too cold, the stone hard against their backs, but it was enough, enough for now, enough with each other.
And that was how the two of them slipped into sleep, huddled together for warmth, holding onto one another as though their lives depended on it … and in a way, they did.
soo thoughts?
slightly smaller chapter, less plot, but I wanted to convey this, just how much their situation has changed, and how it is going to be hard on sansa, and jaime too!
we will see more KL soon (yes bby boi tyrion will be playing the game!), and more action is coming I promise, but the reality of traversing westeros is situations like this!
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speak soon