Alexus's Point of View
Later that day, Mr. Xemnas came into my room holding a box about the length of my forearm and the width of one of my books. "Would you be open to talking?" Mr. Xemnas wondered.
"There's nothing to say," I huffed.
"All right." He sat against the wall and did nothing.
I knew he was waiting it out until I was ready to have a conversation, so I went back to reading my book. Eventually, my curiosity was too great, and I had to know why he was here, so I set my book down and asked, "What's in the box?"
"It's nothing that you would want anything to do with. It's just your mother's daggers. I found them in your house. She was quite skilled with them," Mr. Xemnas replied.
"Mama didn't have any daggers. The only weapon she has ever wielded is a kitchen knife," I stated.
"Are you sure?" He opened the box to show a pair of beautiful-looking silver daggers. "Take a closer look."
I hesitantly hopped off my bed and approached Mr. Xemnas. I nearly cried when I saw Mama's initials, C.P.H., etched on both of the blades along with beautiful flower designs. "Is it true? Are they really Mama's? What would she be doing with daggers like these?" I questioned. My voice was broken up, so it was easy to tell that I was on the verge of tears.
"They are. That is the truth. She had these in case she ever needed to protect herself and you. Your safety was very important to her. To us both," Mr. Xemnas explained.
"I've always heard that women fighting is unladylike," I commented.
Mr. Xemnas chuckled. "I'm sure your mother never told you any such thing. It is considered unladylike in the world you live in, but there are many other worlds where it is completely acceptable."
I still didn't like the idea of using any form of weapon, but the idea that they once belonged to Mama drew me in. "Was- was she any good?" I inquired.
"Her technique was flawless, and she moved so quickly that you could barely see her blades. She was truly a wonder," Mr. Xemnas answered.
"That doesn't sound like Mama. I guess there are a lot of things that I don't know about her," I sighed. It was clear from her letters alone that Mama had a lot of things that she kept secret from me. I knew that Mr. Xemnas was telling me this so that I would want to learn to use Mama swords, and despite me not wanting to give Mr. Xemnas the satisfaction, it was working. "May I hold them?"
"If you wish," Mr. Xemnas agreed. I reached for one of the daggers with a shaky hand. Mr. Xemnas grabbed my hand before I could touch the handle. "Steady your hand. These are real and sharp." I pulled my hand away, frightened all over again. "Here." Mr. Xemnas took one of the daggers and went behind me before handing the dagger to me and placing his hand over mine. When I realized that I was holding a real weapon, my grip tightened from panic. "Don't do that. Loosen up. You control the blade. It doesn't control you."
"I- I can't," I panted.
"You can. I'm right behind you. Nothing will happen. Loosen your grip," Mr. Xemnas repeated. I tried to relax, but I couldn't. I started crying. Mr. Xemnas took the dagger away from me. "All right. I thought that maybe you might be more open to using your mother's daggers, but I suppose I was wrong." He put the dagger back in the box and closed it.
"I wanted to. I really wanted to I just…" I trailed off, remembering that I didn't have to explain myself to him.
"You're not ready. I shouldn't have tried to push you to be ready," Mr. Xemnas sighed.
I wiped my tears away. Hearing him say that I wasn't ready made me want to prove him wrong. "I'm ready. Let me try again," I requested.
"Alexus, you're not ready. If you can't hold it properly, you're going to hurt yourself," Mr. Xemnas replied. I hung my head and didn't say anything. I knew I had blown my one chance. "One more time. If you can't cooperate with me, that's it."
I lifted my head up with a smile. "Okay. I'll get it right this time."
While Mr. Xemnas kept the same stoic expression that he usually had, I almost thought I saw a ghost of a smile for a moment, but then it was gone. He took one of the daggers out of the box and placed it in my hand in the same manner as before. My first instinct was to hold on to it as tight as I could, like I had done before, but I didn't want it taken away from me again, so I forced myself to relax my grip, although the rest of my body remained stiff. "I suppose that's better," Mr. Xemnas stated. After lingering behind me, his touch disappeared, and I was holding it by myself. "Are you comfortable?"
"Hardly," I replied, though even as I said it, my tension was fading.
"I suppose you'll adjust over time. Eventually, these knives will likely become a part of you," Mr. Xemnas commented. I realized that was my moment to correct him. My moment to tell him that I wouldn't be learning how to use my mother's blades. Instead of doing so, I let that moment pass. Knowing that Mama fought with the daggers made them unique and important to me. It meant even more to know that she was skilled in using them. He placed the weapon's twin in my other hand. Though the rest of my body tensed, I forced my hand to keep my grip firm but relaxed. He placed his hands on my shoulders. "You cannot be afraid, Alexus. Loosen up."
"I'm not gripping tightly anymore," I pointed out.
"The rest of your body as well. If you are tense, you will not be able to move and are more likely to hurt yourself," Mr. Xemnas explained. I tried, but with every breath, I tensed again. I wasn't used to holding a weapon, and it scared me. "I suppose that will have to do for now. We'll work on it more later." He took the daggers from my hands and placed them back in the box.
"Did Mama have a hard time with it when she started?" I wondered.
"I didn't know her then, but I imagine that she didn't have the same problems as you do. She grew up in a different place where they trained young girls in various weapons. These daggers were your mother's favorite. I'm surprised they let her keep them," Mr. Xemnas said.
"Was she from a different world?" I asked
"Yes, but you will not get any more out of me regarding the matter. As you know, your mother was extremely meticulous and has written about it in her letters to you. You will read about it at the time that she wishes, and not a moment sooner. You know as well as I do that she almost always had a reason for doing things. Be patient and trust that you will understand more about her when you are meant to," Mr. Xemnas replied.
"I wish I could know now," I sighed.
"You will in time," Mr. Xemnas stated. He picked up the box with Mama's daggers and started to leave. He paused when he was about to pass by me and looked at me. I felt self-conscious as he stared at me for what felt like hours, though it had only been seconds. At last, he finally told me what was on his mind. "You'll need some clothes that are easier to move around in. You should probably have a coat of your own. I'll see to it that you have the proper attire for training in."
Since we were already talking on the subject, I felt like it wouldn't be a bad thing to ask about the coats. "Why does everybody here wear those black coats?"
"Well, if you repeatedly use the dark corridors, the darkness will eventually have negative effects on the person inside. The coats act as a protection," Mr. Xemnas answered.
"But I went in dark corridors without a coat. Have I been affected by it?" I shuddered.
"No. You haven't used dark corridors anywhere near enough for it to have any effect on you. You don't have to worry about that. If there were any chance of you being affected, I would have had you put a coat on instantly," Mr. Xemnas explained.
"Are you sure?" I checked.
"Positive. You are just fine. I'll bring you new clothes later," Mr. Xemnas said before he left my room. I was alone again with my thoughts and my books.