The Magicians' Realm Chapter 30: Tabs, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

Chapter 30, everybody! In which Teana apes my Mom somewhat—her experience at the beginning of the chapter mirrors something that happened to my Mom while waiting tables, although Mom didn't suck it up and bear it (which is why Mom is epic—there, it's documented for future generations to see :) ).

Skulduggery also references…a GEICO commercial, I think, starring Joan Rivers. It's been a while since it was in circulation….

Angiembabe, thanks for the review! Yes indeedy—and good question…probably by being his normal charming self. :) No, he isn't—tis a blow to his ego, to be sure. We'll see…next chapter, actually. And aaa! Darn stuff—thanks for catching that for me; it's fixed now. :) Which is an improvement over what normally happens with this document (for some reason, it sometimes sees fit to change all instances of "Yami" in a selection to first-person or one of the other Y-initialed names, although this has become less frequent on the Xidax, thank goodness).

Fromtheashtrees, thanks for the review! Yes, he can. Ah—I thank you for going the polite route. :) And that there is the precise reason you don't see swear words in my stories. :) That…might be too much to ask for, to be honest….It must be a thing (I used to find the stairs to be a nice place to nap, until I got too long/tall for the steps). Yes, let's see how this turned out. :)

References:

Original characters + setting © Kineil D. Wicks (myself, not the girl in the story)

Teana decided that she may just have to quit another job, despite the strain it would put on her finances.

It would be better than her current experience.

"And how are you doing, little lady?" a man she recognized as an elder Administrator asked.

She gave a simpering smile. "Fine, as soon as you move your hand."

And with that, she brought the issue straight to her manager.

"It's one of the things you just have to take with the job," her manager informed her.

She tried very hard not to fume; inappropriate fondling by dirty old men was not in the job description.

She quickly swapped tables with one of the other waitresses (who, regrettably, liked that sort of thing), and worked without incident until she was cycled to the bar.

She guessed the guy was of the Magician bent by the flamboyant Victorian-style outfit—men in lace. Yay. And with an earring…shaped like a die. Okay….

"And what's a lovely lady such as yourself doing working a bar?" he asked, flicking his black bangs out of his face in what he probably thought was an attractive motion. He had a ponytail too. Okay….

"What," she noised, forcing herself to focus. "Afraid I'll break a nail in your sangrias?"

"I drink stronger stuff than that," the man said, affronted.

"My mistake. What'll it be, then?"

"A tall glass of water."

She tried very, very hard not to roll her eyes and instead served him what he asked for.

"You want ice with that?" she asked sweetly as he stared at the water glass in front of him.

"I'll have a martini," he said finally. "Dry, stirred, and please, put the Vermouth in this time."

She did. With her back to him and blocking the glass, she gave into temptation and put in a bit more than was necessary. Say hello to chest hair, fella.

She had to fight to keep a smile off her face as he spasmed from the drink. "Enough Vermouth for you?"

"Plenty," he rasped.

"Wonderful. And with what currency will you be paying with tonight?"

There were quite a few currencies in circulation around the world, and despite the relatively centralized Magician-bills, odd currency still made its way around. She and her banker enjoyed such finds, and she supposed she was fortunate she had a banker who was relatively honest.

Of course, she might have an issue when the old banker died….

The man smirked. "Put it on my tab."

The use of the familiar phrase irked her more than usual, and her next comment was especially terse because of it. "And what name am I putting it on?"

"Duke Otogi."

"Is that a name-duke or a royalty-duke?"

"It depends on who you ask."

She was going to slip and fall on the smarm here. "Enjoy your drink."

"Now wait a minute!" he exclaimed as she began to move away. "Stay a while. It's not often I get the chance to chat with such a pretty thing."

"Thing?" she echoed, eyebrow askew.

He smiled in a way he must have thought was benign. "So tell me, are you single?"

She tried very hard to keep her expression neutral; she had figured this guy was batting for the other team.

Before she had composed herself enough to answer, however, movement caught her eye.

Tall movement. With spiky hair and a weird tie—oh, great.

"I have to leave," she declared, moving away once more.

This time, however, Otogi caught her arm.

"Didn't I say to stay a while?" he asked.

"Let go of me."

"I'd do as she said," a guy in a maroon suit and hat said, appearing at the bar. She didn't know the face, but she recognized the voice—Skulduggery Pleasant, Idgy's husband. Before she could comment, he waved his hand in the air at someone behind him.

And with that, Yami Skellington himself arrived at the bar.

"There, I've found her for you," Skulduggery said, indicating her.

"Excuse me?" Teana asked.

"You're excused."

"You misunderstand."

"Ah. Idgy and I have a bet going, so I thought I'd get involved."

"What?"

"I'm a detective—I find things. By the by, I'd appreciate it if you turned him down—I win the bet that way."

Teana put her free hand to her head. "I'd like anyone and everyone magic-related to be out of my line of sight in the next five seconds."

"Can I apologize first?" Yami asked.

"No. And you, dice-ear—let me go, or I start screaming indecently."

"You should try for decently," Skulduggery counseled.

"I'll give you a free drink if you can get him to let go."

"I can get behind that."

And with that, Skulduggery squeezed Otogi's forearm, causing him to release her with a yelp.

"Okay, I want a shot of whatever's in that purple bottle," Skulduggery said, pointing. "I don't know what it is, but I figure if it's free, I can try something new."

"Coming right up," Teana said, stepping out of Otogi's reach before he could grab her again, massaging her arm before picking up the requested bottle.

"And what were you doing?" Yami asked, addressing Otogi.

"And what concern is it of yours?" Otogi shot back.

Teana put a glass in front of Skulduggery and filled it up.

"Ah, cheers," Skulduggery said, before taking a sip.

Teana could have laughed at how his eyes went wide and cross-eyed. "That's," he rasped. "That's interesting. What's in that?"

"Anyone ever tell you that's not how you treat a lady?" Yami asked.

"Anyone tell you to keep your nose out of other people's business?" Otogi retorted.

Teana looked over; it might have been a trick of the light, but it was like an umbra was forming around Yami.

It occurred to her that this was the first time she had actually seen him angry.

"I feel the necessity to teach you some manners," Yami said, struggling to maintain an even tone as he glowered at Otogi.

"Really? I would love to see you try," Otogi said, poking Yami in the chest with every word. "You…you pompous oaf!"

"Now that's the pot calling the kettle black," Skulduggery said, massaging his face. "I can't feel my face—do I still have skin? I can't tell right now."

"Do you two mind taking this somewhere else?" Teana asked. "Respectable establishments such as this do not appreciate people taking a ride down the bar."

"A true pity. I think my eyes pickled, by the way."

Otogi, meanwhile, had turned to her. "No one was addressing you!"

That silly animation of a thermometer blowing its top would have described Yami very well just then. If he still had that hagsfiend guise, all his feathers would have been on end. He seized Otogi's shoulder, spun him around, cocked his fist ready to lay into him—

And then he glanced up at her—

And she could practically hear her own voice in his head: Head Mages don't brawl.

He glanced back down, saw that Otogi had recovered, and gave a wincing smile.

"Incoming," she heard him mutter.

And then Otogi socked him in the gut.

Yami folded in on the point of impact, breath leaving him in a big woosh, and then fell the rest of the way to the floor with a thud.

Skullduggery looked down at him. "You're not supposed to do that, I'll have you know." Then, to Otogi: "I'm glad you did that. It is now my distinct pleasure to inform you that you've just assaulted the Head Mage, and in the presence of the Head Detective of the Branch to boot. You're under arrest for assault on him, assault on her, making poor fashion choices, and—I don't know, possibly littering. Please try to resist arrest—we can tack that on and I'll get some added entertainment out of the matter."

Otogi looked like he was planning to argue the point, then looked about, noticing the crowd watching. He surrendered without complaint.

"They never want to resist arrest," Skulduggery bemoaned, handcuffing Otogi and escorting him out.

Teana leaned over the bar. "Are you all right?" she asked.

"Ow," Yami moaned.

"Well that's not broken, at least. Get up, by the way—you're making a scene."

"I think I can taste my spleen."

"You're exaggerating."

"I'm tasting something bile-flavored."

"He might have hit you hard enough to make you vomit."

"What a charming thought."

"He did sock you in the stomach."

"What's going on here?" her manager asked, coming over.

"Do we have someone named Duke Otogi on tab here?" she asked.

"Yes, why? You take offense to him, too?"

"He just punched out the Head Mage."

Yami, fortunately, chose that moment to attempt to return to an upright position. Even with him trying to drag himself up the side of the bar, his distinctive hair and tie was evident.

She decided to use her manager's profuse apologizing as a cover to depart.

She had had quite enough of men for the night.