Chapter 14

Lottie didn't know what to expect when her taxi pulled up in front of a music shop in a rough part of the city. The music shop sat between a fast food chicken shop and a small co-op. A black door with a small brick step was wedged between the right of the music shop and the chicken shop. According to Alex's instructions, that was where she was headed. She paid for the taxi and headed for the door. Before she could knock the door opened and she saw Alex smiling at her.

"I saw the taxi pull up. Thought I'd come down to meet you" he explained. To her surprise he pulled her into a soft hug. Granted they had been in closer contact before when he gave her a piggy back ride at a concert but this felt different somehow. It was a hug that she really needed and didn't have to ask for. She hugged him back not realising how much the warmth of another person can re-charge your body and soul in a low state.

"How are you feeling? I saw the stuff on the news about mass drugging" he asked as they held each other.

"I'm ok, thanks. Thanks for the water last night. They said at the hospital I really needed fluids so it really helped."

"You're welcome." Finally they parted and he gestured for her to follow him inside. About five feet away from the front door was a flight of stairs directly in front of them which then turned to the left. She gathered it must lead to a floor above the music shop. A window at the top of the stairs on the back wall allowed natural light to fill the staircase and she noticed artificial lights dotted around for when it was dark, all which were off at that moment.

"I've never been in this part of the city before" she explained as they climbed the stairs.

"Not surprising. You've clearly got money given where you live. It's a nice block of flats where you are."

"Correction – my brother has the money. He had the flat before I turned up. My part-time job doesn't contribute much to the rent but I do what I can" she explained.

At the top of the stairs was a black door which was partly open and had several locks on it. It would be hard for someone to break into this flat she thought. Clearly Alex had left it open when he came down to meet her. There were no other doors or any other space on the landing for much else than a little space for someone to dump bags or anything else down before they entered the flat.

"Come on in" Alex said and gestured for her to enter. She was a little nervous as to what she would find and her mouth fell open. The inside and the outside were like night and day. She was expecting to go in to find a dark and dingy flat with possible mould on the walls and tatty second hand furniture. What she found instead was a shrine to music. Instead of wallpaper the walls were covered in vinyl records attached to walls thanks to hooks screwed into the walls poking through the centre holes of the records so he could still play them if he wished. Two walls in each room had the records; two had their corresponding vinyl cases. The flat was laid out much like Steve's but on a smaller scale and only one bedroom instead of two. There wasn't much furniture and what he had was a little worse for wear but still comfortable and suited the room. There were keyboards, guitars on stands and a set of recording equipment scattered around the living room. She spied a collapsible bicycle in the corner which was how he got around without a car.

"Holy crap!" she said making Alex laugh.

"You like it?"

"This is incredible!" How did you do this? Surely your landlord would go nuts if they saw all the holes in the walls."

"Lucky for me a lot of the holes were already there. Made an agreement with him that I could do what I wanted with the walls and hooks as long as it was in my rental agreement that I could do so. Saved him a possible deduction in our rent negotiation due to the existing wall damage. We are on good terms and I even offered to help fill in the holes and such when I eventually leave. He runs the shop downstairs and wanted his tenant to be a music enthusiast. Vinyls are a good way of creating wallpaper if you are thinking of doing that in the future."

"I never would have thought of the idea! This is amazing" she said looking at the walls in awe.

For a while they talked about music as always and Alex's impressive vinyl collection. Alex was studying music production at university and had dreams of becoming a record producer. Music was his life and he was determined to make it his career. Lottie couldn't help but marvel at his ambition to make his dream a reality. He told her how he came from a family with money but he wanted to do everything on his own terms so he rejected the family money, got a student loan for his fees and saved up to get his flat.

"It isn't much but it works for me" he said making her smile.

"I wish I had your courage to do this. To live a dream."

"What's your dream?" he asked. "What do you want to be?"

"I want to be … an everything! I want to write, cook, paint, sculpt, sing, play music, explore, be a lawyer, an architect, a ballerina, an everything! I don't know what path to take or even if I should take a path that already exists built by someone before me. What if I make my own path? But I don't know what that is! I think mostly I want to do good for others in this world and I might fall on my arse when I do it, but if it means it helps someone it's the price I have to pay. The older I get the more the police force stands out to me."

"Why am I not surprised? It suits you somehow" Alex responded and Lottie felt a small blush flush across her face. He made them both a drink and they sat down on his sofa.

"So what's going on with Steve? He looked a bit freaked last night. He went white as a sheet when you were acting odd." Lottie looked down at the tea in her hands and he could sense he had breached a tough topic. She suddenly became small and introverted somehow in the blink of an eye.

"Steve had this … thing that happened to him when I was little. He carries it around with him like an anchor wrapped around his body. It weighs him down but it keeps his morals stable. He can't really exist without it in a very odd way and every Christmas he gets transported back and he's sixteen again and an absolute mess …. We don't talk about it, and I could never say what it was … but last night I nearly did in front of everyone. And I am so ashamed for what I did last night. Steve looked and spoke to me today in a way he never has before and I'm afraid he'll never look at me in the same way again" she explained getting more and more emotional as she did. Finally her head dropped and she began to cry. Alex took the tea from her hands, put it on the coffee table and then put an arm around her letting her cry on his shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault Lottie. You were drugged. You had no idea what you were saying or doing for that matter. I was there and saw it all. Steve is just lashing out like a wounded animal."

"Saying that doesn't make me less afraid that he won't want me living with him anymore."

"Lottie, look at me" he commanded and she raised her head, still staying close to his shoulder. "I don't know Steve like you do of course but what I do know is that he really needs you. Do you know what you said right after you asked if everyone knew his secret?" she shook her head with a sniff. "He said 'don't you dare' and you said 'I won't' and then you didn't say a word about it. Even though you were high as a kite you never revealed anything. That shows your integrity and loyalty and proved there is no way you would reveal it. Steve needs to realise that but right now he is processing all the negative shit from last night as he had no room or outlet to let it out. Give him some breathing space and he'll be fine."

"Don't know if I will be though." Lottie reached for her cup of tea forcing Alex to drop his hold on her.

"You'll be fine once you hear it from him. So did your parents go ape shit on you?" Lottie nodded and sipped her tea. It tasted good, she couldn't deny it. She was always particular on how she liked her drinks but being a barman she wasn't all that surprised Alex did well.

"I am grounded pretty much for eternity even though I didn't know the brownies were drugged. Apparently I should have realised some things that stood out as red flags and been smarter thus my fault. I thought they were angry when I ran away to Australia but this was on a whole new level. Not even got my punishment from Steve yet."

"I'm sorry, did I hear you right? You ran away to Australia?" Lottie nodded and he looked somewhat impressed. "You have to tell me that story, now." So began a day of getting to know each other and Alex succeeded in his secret mission to get Lottie feeling good again.

Holly Lightstone may have been a stunning auburn haired beauty in her youth but in her older age had turned into a frumpy toad like woman who needed a walker to get around. Out of all those Steve had seen and interviewed so far, she was the one who age and time had been most cruel to. Her sprightly bright eyes were now dull and tired, somewhat reflecting a broken soul like her body. It took a while for her to get into the interview room so Steve had plenty of time to get himself set up to watch the interview.

"We are more than happy in the future to speak in your home if it would help going forward" Ted suggested once Holly was sat down.

"That's generous but I would much rather come here. That way I can inform my doctor and nurses that I have done my daily exercises and I have police to vouch for me" she smiled and Ted nodded.

"Happy to help with that. This is DC Kate Fleming and she will be interviewing you alongside me and we will be recording it."

"Of course. You don't need to remind ex-police of the procedures although I might be a bit rusty on all the laws and what they cover."

The usual long beep of the recording followed by introduction happened and Steve put in his headphones to listen in.

"To start with, can you tell us your exact relationship with Christopher?" Kate asked.

"Work colleagues, friends, then lovers, then partners, then ex's, then friends."

"You were both in contact the whole time you knew him, even after your relationship broke up?" Kate clarified.

"Working in the same department means that you have no choice really. It was in the 70s when WPC's weren't given the same rights as they do now so there were no rules we were breaking technically by being together but it meant we were stuck together when it was done."

"When exactly where you together?" Ted asked.

"1971 was when we started dating and we broke up some time in 1972. Couldn't tell you exact dates. I don't keep tabs on such things. Life is too short for that."

"Did you ever date again?" Ted asked.

"No. My mother always taught me that once a cheater, always a cheater. Cut them loose as soon as you know and so I did."

"Who did he cheat on you with?" Kate asked.

"Liz McAndrews. I never saw them together myself but Charles told me how he did and that was the nail in the coffin. I confronted Christopher about it and he didn't deny it so it was over."

"Did you work closely with Liz?"

"Somewhat. She did a lot of admin and other tasks whilst I was more in the trenches helping with victims and those who survived violent crimes. I don't want to blow my own trumpet but out of the two of us I was the superior in work. Shame Christopher didn't see that in our personal lives. Not long after Christopher disappeared she left the department. Ended up doing admin work for various people and then she left the force entirely. Total waste of a possible talent that never saw the light of day."

As the interview continued, Steve looked to his laptop and started to use the scans and filtering relating to Holly. There was quite a gap between April 1972 when Charles mentioned the fight took place and the next time Holly got mentioned in the September. It was then something caught his eye. From September and through the rest of the diaries Holly Lightstone became Holly Lightfoot. Why would he do that? Steve thought and then Kate's theory came to mind. The multiple Holly theory. He typed a message which Ted and Kate could see flagging the anomaly.

"Where were you in June 1974?" Kate asked.

"Working as always in MIT right in this building. I liked the team, the job interested me, the pay was good. No reason to leave."

"So you were here when Christopher disappeared?" Kate clarified.

"Yes and it devastated me. I had to have time off work sick because of it. Only a few days because mental health wasn't a think back then that got discussed. I started drinking because of it and now here I am because of it. My body scarred and damaged from the alcohol I used to drown my sorrows. It's because of Christopher I'm like this. Funny isn't it? I hated him for what he did to me, I loved him despite him not wanting to know I existed and now forty years later most likely in the afterlife he still won't leave me alone. Bastard."

"What do you know about a bank robbery from March 1974?" Ted asked. Holly looked confused.

"Nothing, sorry. Unless you have specifics. My mind isn't as sharp as it used to be."

"In March 1974 Christopher was involved in a bank robbery and it was recommended that he be awarded for his bravery. It happened in Manchester" Kate clarified but Holly shook her head.

"Sorry, no. Like I said, my mind isn't as sharp as it was. I used to be before my stroke but I can't help you there."

"One final thing. In 1986 you completed an application for a plaque to be put up. Do you remember that?" Ted asked. Holly raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"No I didn't. I wasn't in the country in 1986."

"Where were you then?" Kate asked.

"I was living in Germany. I had a husband in the air force and he got posted overseas in the August of 1986. I had to go with him so I left my job and we went. When we came back to England I went back into the force. Do you have the application?" Holly asked. Kate produced the printed copy and told the tape the reference. Holly looked at the form and chortled.

"This is a forgery. Look, my address was the one I used back in the 70s not my address when I lived with my husband. My name is listed as my maiden name not my married one and my signature is my maiden name too. I hadn't used that name for a good four years at that point."

"But you are using it now?" Ted asked.

"Yes because we divorced so I went back to being Holly Lightstone and any future relationships I stayed as Lightstone to protect myself. In 1986 I was Holly Bennett. I didn't fill this out. Someone has stolen my identity."

When Steve got home it was 2am he expected to find Lottie fast asleep in bed with all the lights out. What he wasn't expecting was to find the flat in darkness apart from dim light coming from under the closed bathroom door and the low hum of music coming from inside. He took off his shoes and coat and made his way to the bathroom. He softly knocked on the door. "Lottie?" he asked. He heard the slosh on water from the bathtub from movement within then of the shower curtain being pulled.

"Come in" she said. He slowly opened the door and peeked his head into the room. Lottie was in the bath and he smelt one of the many bath bombs she liked to use. The aroma of herbaceous and osmanthus hit his nostrils strongly. Candles were lit and scattered around the bathroom. On the closed toilet seat sat her phone which was softly playing the beautiful tones of Karen Carpenter's satin like voice singing Superstar. Lottie had pulled the shower curtain so he could see her head and wet hair at the bath edge but her body was blocked from view.

"I thought you would be in bed" he said and she shook her head.

"Couldn't sleep."

Steve removed his jacket and waist coat before sitting on the floor and leaning up against the doorframe. He bent his knees so his feet were flat on the floor and rested his forearms on his knees. The silence between them was deafening.

"I've been thinking."

"About?" Steve asked.

"That it might be a good idea if I were to go back to London" Lottie said calmly but Steve could see the nerves in her eyes even across the room.

"Why?" he asked bewildered. That she wasn't expecting and she sat up a bit in the bath but still keeping her modesty.

"Well given what happened I gathered you wouldn't want me here anymore."

"Do I get a say in this?" he asked. Unable to string words together in surprise she simply nodded. "I owe you an apology. I said some horrible things today that I didn't mean. I got scared last night and today. You know that this time of year is difficult for me and … I have fought so hard to get to where I am at work –"

"I know and I'm so proud of you for that."

"Thanks" Steve smiled. "I just hate the fact that this cloud follows me and I don't want it to be the thing everyone associates with me." Lottie fully sat up and rested her folded arms on the bath edge, her chin on top of them so her bust was blocked from view and she was in a position so Steve knew he had her full focus.

"I swore to you when you told me what happened and I have sworn ever since that I would never, ever tell anyone. Even when high I didn't. I am so sorry for what happened but I would never tell anyone and I mean it."

"I know" he agreed.

"Even if everyone knew, your fear would never happen. You're a wonderful human being who I am beyond proud to call my brother. Your amazing qualities outshine a stupid mistake. You didn't mean what happened. You were sixteen and afraid. If I were in your shoes I may have done the same thing. Isn't that what you taught me? That if you don't make mistakes you can't become the person you are meant to be? Ok I fucked up yesterday. I didn't see the red flags, I didn't know something I should have known and I didn't call for help. And here I am! Feeling a million years more experienced who will never look a brownie in the same way again." That made Steve chortle.

"I will admit, you were quite funny when high. Took me back to when you were little and would throw tantrums the way you said 'No! I don't wanna'!" Steve's impression had them both laughing. "Do I really look like a hamster?"

"Hamster cheeked maybe. I was seeing some weird stuff if I thought Ted was covered in eyeballs" Lottie laughed. "Seriously though Steve, I think you need to talk to someone. I can't get rid of the cloud for you. If you are happy for me to stay I can help as best I can."

Steve nodded and was silent for several seconds. "You aren't going anywhere." Hearing those words brought tears to her eyes. She took a deep breath to control them and smiled.

"Ok then … So what's my punishment?"

"I think I'll leave this one with mum and dad to decide. They are the professionals after all. Fancy a cup of tea? I didn't get to make that one for you this morning. Wait, yesterday morning I mean" he asked getting up.

"Love one. I'll come out to the living room. This water is starting to go cold"

A sudden thought came to mind. He turned to leave and then stopped before turning back to face her again. "Lottie, if you had a lover –"

"Um … where is this going Steve?" Lottie asked interrupting him.

"Asking advice from a younger person." Lottie nodded and listened eagerly. "Say you had a lover and you kept diaries, why would you change the name of said lover in a diary?"

"Well that's obvious. In case someone reads it and you don't want them to know who the lover is. People are secretive in diaries"

"Yes but, what if the first name was real and the surname wasn't? Why would you do that?"

"Like Anne Frank's diary?" Lottie asked. Steve looked at her confused. "Anne Frank wrote her diary with the real names of those in hiding with her and the helpers. However, when she heard on the radio that diaries and other accounts of the war were wanted she began to re-write the diary changing names to protect the individuals with intention to get it published. So Peter Van Pels became Peter Van Dann as an example. By keeping the first name the writer may have wanted the lover to be recognised with their true identity and the change of surname was a way of protecting them or even keeping them secret even from themselves so no one would know of the relationship happening. Keeping secrets from yourself is an extreme thing to do so it must have been an important relationship to them."

"Interesting … thanks" he said and headed for the kitchen. The two sat talking and drinking cups of tea until dawn, Lottie in her fluffy purple dressing gown. They slept long into the following day, both having fallen asleep on the sofa as equals.