Hiya friends!

Today we have the start of a new mini-series: "Sora's Heart"!

I'm having a lot of fun writing the chapters for "Riku's Heart" and I thought it'd be interesting to also explore Sora's point of view – because the feelings are the same, but the boys experience and express it so differently.

Specific tags include:
part of the "Sora's Heart" mini-series; alternative title: local boy can't stop thinking about his bf(f); during KH 1; Sora & Kairi dynamics; Sora having some totally straight thoughts about how cool his best friend is; totally straight you guys; introspection; rivalry; ambivalent feelings; sentiments of inadequacy; sentiments of inferiority; Sora's POV

Hopefully you enjoy! ^-^

Chapter 10: Oxymoron

Bonk!

Here it is. Exactly what Sora needs today. A coconut falling on his head.

Not that he needs it ever… but today, today it hits a little sharper than normal; metaphorically, if not physically so. Rubbing at the sore spot, Sora glares up at the palm tree's foliage for a moment. The tree doesn't have the decency to look the least bit apologetic, and this only fuels the teen's irritation. Or… maybe that's not the right word for what he's feeling. What is he feeling, anyway? Other than like a dummy, because Kairi asked him to collect some provisions for the raft journey and it looks like Sora can't even gather coconuts without making a mess out of it.

But this is nothing new, is it? Sora's well known for half-assing things. For slacking off. For just doing the bare minimum, just going with the flow, don't worry be happy, it'll be okay in the end somehow. And it's not like he does it on purpose, it really isn't. It just… kinda happens? He starts working on something and he tries to do a good job at it, but then something else pops up and he gets interested on that instead and never quite finishes the first thing. Or he just gets bored entirely and needs a break and to go do something different for a while, and then forgets to go back to whatever he was doing initially. Or, even, he does go back to it eventually but by then the proper timing to get it done is long past. Overall, it can easily be interpreted as laziness or being sloppy.

On the one hand, it doesn't bug Sora because he's not really interested in being the best guy ever or anything of the like. On the other hand… maybe he's not interested because he already knows he can't get there, anyway. Because Riku is the best guy ever, that's the one solid truth. Riku is the fastest, the strongest, the smartest, the coolest, he's the best at everything. Everyone knows it and Sora knows it best of all. He's known it for as long as he's been best friends with Riku, which is basically his entire life, and it's never bothered him much. On the contrary, he's always the first one to relish Riku's achievements and victories, and sincerely so. But… at times, Sora can't help but be a little upset about the whole thing. A little jealous, even. At times, Sora wishes he was the cool one for a change, if only for a day. That he was the one all the other kids speak about in awe – rather than to be the one who, instead, gets teased over and over again because he'll never be as awesome as Riku. Thanks guys, Sora knows that already!

"Hey, there you are. Need any help?"

The same Riku now approaching, a small basket of mushrooms neatly packed under his arm. He stops by Sora's side, hand on hip and the usual confident smile, and… gah, now is one of those times. Riku isn't even doing anything, he's literally just standing here, but even this is impressive when it's Riku. He's just so cool. So together, so self-assured. Sora can try for the next twenty years and he'll never be like this.

"Nope. I got this."

"You sure? I finished my part, can lend you a hand now."

"Gee, thanks. Think I can pick up coconuts on my own, though."

Admittedly, it comes out a teensy bit harsher than intended. Borderline butthurt, if Sora's being honest. Mainly because–

"What's wrong, grumpy? Still mad 'cause I got to name the raft?"

…yeah, mainly because of this. Sora was quite looking forward to being the captain but, lo and behold, Riku won the race and claimed that privilege as well. Sometimes, Sora doesn't know why he keeps trying – but, at the same time, he also knows that he'll never stop trying. One of these days, he's going to beat Riku at something.

"No way! My name would have been cooler than yours, anyway. So it's your loss!" To emphasize how much he doesn't care about it (He actually cares a lot!), Sora perks up his chin and shoves his hands at the back of his head casually. It's just a dumb raft, who cares about it. (He does!)

"Is that so?" Riku lifts an eyebrow in response, not hiding his amusement. Also looking like he's not buying Sora's excuse in the slightest and is about to rub it in some more, the smug little poopie. "Well, I won fair and square."

"Fine, you did! Big deal!" So much for playing the aloof game, Sora's really not cut out for that. Riku's just got this way of winding him up sometimes, almost like it's on purpose. Just to get a reaction out of him. And… more often than not, it works like a charm. Like right now, as the younger teen frowns and folds his arms in annoyance. "You won, you get the raft and the Paopu. Go ahead, what're you waiting for!"

For some reason, though, it is this one trivial sentence that seems to throw Riku off. Blinking, he suddenly looks like he's not following. "The Paopu?"

"Yeah, wasn't that your idea? The winner gets to share the Paopu with Kairi."

There's a bit of a stalemate now, and Sora really isn't sure where it came from. Why's Riku surprised by the terms of his own suggested bet? It wasn't even Sora's doing, all he wanted was to be the captain of the raft. It was Riku who tossed the Paopu fruit into the arrangement out of the blue – and now he's acting like he doesn't remember about it anymore? Then, just as unexpectedly, Riku's whole expression goes unreadable for the flicker of a second, before he starts laughing.

"What, you thought I was being serious? That was just a joke!"

"…Huh?" Just like this, it's Sora who's not following. What does he mean, just a joke? Riku really did sound serious about it! Come to think of it… for the past couple days, Riku's been talking about sharing Paopus all the time, hasn't he? Yesterday, he even plucked one out of the tree just to give it to Sora. What was that all about?

"Wow, you should have seen your face," Riku carries on, shaking his head and still laughing. "Relax, I was just kidding."

Saying that, he turns around and starts heading towards the sea shack, likely to go give those mushrooms to Kairi, and Sora can only stare and dwell on his puzzlement. Why would Riku joke about Paopus, anyway…? So random! Frowning, Sora once more slips his arms behind the back of his head and walks away in the opposite direction – vaguely registering that there are still coconuts to gather, but not in the mood to get back to it for the time being.

What is Sora even in the mood for, now? It's not like he's mad at Riku, not for real, but the situation has him feeling off, nonetheless. Bummed. A bit upset, mostly because Sora doesn't know how to change it. It's like… he's helplessly stuck to this fate, to forever be the humble sidekick to Riku's awesomeness. The eternal second place. The official not-the-best at everything. Kinda sucks, doesn't it? If only he could beat Riku at something, anything…

Sighing to himself, Sora just keeps walking around for a while longer, not really headed anywhere in particular. It's still way too early to go back home for dinner, and being productive and getting started on homework doesn't even make it to the list of potential options. He could go hang out with Selphie and the guys… but, nah; not if they're gonna tease him for losing the stupid race all over again. Maybe build a sand castle? Or go for a swim? Go back to the village and treat himself to a big bag of candy? Problem is, all these things are no fun when done alone.

Man… life is really boring when he can't be with Riku, isn't it?

Well, objectively speaking, he can. Nothing's stopping him and Riku didn't push him away. It's Sora who just doesn't want to, still clinging to the little ball of annoyance bouncing around in his belly. It's not often that he feels this way, definitely not someone who holds onto grudges. Whenever something's up, it's easy for Sora to let go and not make a big deal out of it. Like that one time when they were little and Riku accidentally hit Sora on the head with his toy sword. It wasn't even a hard smack nor did it hurt too terribly, but the startle was enough to make little 4-year-old Sora tear up. When seeing that, Riku immediately caught him in a big hug and apologized almost non-stop, wiping Sora's tears and kissing the sore spot better. And, just like that, everything was okay again. Sora forgot about the incident like it'd never happened, and soon was asking Riku to resume their playfight.

Maybe the problem, right now, is how complex the situation is. Because it's not something that will be solved if, for example, Riku comes to apologize. Why should he? Riku's done nothing wrong, he did indeed win fair and square. It's not his fault that he always wins, and it's certainly not his fault that Sora is never up to par. Again, the only thing that would truly help was if Sora could win for once; if nothing else, for a temporary boost to his ego and for the bragging rights.

Kicking at a pebble, the teen sighs and watches it rolling away, past the entrance to the one special cave behind the waterfall. The Secret Place. Might as well go and spend some time there, till he's feeling less moody? Chalk drawings sound like a bearable company at the moment, and so Sora does just that. He goes in and sits on one of the bigger rocks; foot poking at the nearest tree root, hand entertained with absently fidgeting with his crown necklace. And, at least for a while, it works as a distraction. The countless doodles made over the years and, especially, that door-like structure at the back. Is it really a door? And, if it is, where does it lead? How come nobody ever opened it? Why is it here of all places? Who built it and for what purpose?

Eventually, Sora's gaze wanders to the drawing by the door – one of the first to decorate this cave. His face and Kairi's, smiling at each other, that the two of them made together all those years ago to celebrate becoming friends. A very cute one, and one that Sora will treasure forever as much as he treasures Kairi's friendship… and that's what suddenly gets him thinking. The winner gets to share a Paopu with Kairi, was it? Sora didn't win but Riku didn't follow through with the bet either, for whatever reason. So… maybe…?

Getting up again, Sora walks over to the drawing and grabs one of the chalk pieces nearby. Without further contemplation, he gets to work and adds an arm to the face that represents him, reaching for Kairi – and, by that hand, then adds a Paopu fruit. So that, now, the drawing depicts Sora offering the star-shaped fruit to Kairi. There! It's not the best drawing ever, but it clearly shows the intention and that's what matters. It's Sora's new goal: he's going to get a Paopu and will give it to Kairi and he's gonna do it before Riku does it. Yes, he'll finally beat Riku at something! Actually, it's gonna be the first thing he'll do tomorrow.

Standing back, Sora admires his improvised masterpiece with hands on his hips and a smile on his face.

"Just you wait, Riku! I'm gonna be the first one to share the Paopu with Kairi! And then I'm gonna be the first one to share it with you!"

Makes sense, right? Two best friends, two Paopus. This way, all their destines will be intertwined and they'll never stop being friends. They'll all be a part of each other's life forever. Nodding to himself one last time, Sora then starts on his way back outside, by now in a much brighter mood.

I kept giggling to myself while writing this chapter because our sweet spiky boy… just doesn't get it. Neither of them does at this point, to be fair, but Sora is on another level entirely. No wonder Riku's doing a whole lotta pining on his own mini-series. x)

Actually, I may or may not have a future chapter planned with Riku that will tie into the ending of this one. *winkwink*

Thank you so much for reading!
Theia