A/N: It's starting to wind down. I'll probably post one or two chapters after this one, including the Epilogue. For now, enjoy the next chapter!
Lost
Chapter 6: Loathsome
There were so many preparations to make in such a short amount of time. He didn't want to be with the First Order anymore. He didn't want to fight anymore. He didn't want to be responsible for the deaths of so many people. There were soldiers that worked for the First Order that feared him and looked up to him. There were subordinates that he knew would rise to take his position if he didn't do something about it. He glared down at the book he was studying and frowned. Would she be able to forgive him if he killed just a few more people to make sure this war was ended? And what about the rumors he heard about Exegol? Surely, they had to eliminate the threat on Exegol, right? He sighed to himself and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He felt a headache coming on.
He had found the planet. He had figured out where they were. He'd also packed a few resources to help them along the way to make it on the planet. There were a few things that he had not been made aware of while they were there. Things they hadn't seen yet. But he knew about them now. And he planned to bring the books with him to help Rey learn, too. He gingerly touched his lips and flashbacks of their time on the foreign planet, now known as Kedves, started running through his mind. Was he making the right decision? He had a lot of power here as the leader of the First Order... and he was willing to give it all up for Rey, the scavenger orphan from Jakku.
Such a silly notion.
He smirked to himself as he rose from his chair, slamming the book shut and stowing it away in his pack that he put together to leave. He looked at the helmet he always wore as Kylo Ren and frowned. It was time to let go. He had to do what was right. If he disbanded the First Order and killed off all those with any hope of taking power, they should be all right. The Resistance would win the war and there would be no need to fight anymore. Obviously not forever, but his fight would be over. Rey wouldn't need to fight either. He grabbed his helmet with a frown. He may need it just in case someone tries to take a shot at him. He regretfully put it on his head and sighed as he walked out of his chambers. It was time for him to make the announcement to the First Order.
He trudged through the hallways, noticing that they were all bare. No one walked the halls. Everyone was gathered in the hangars where he would make his announcement. He wondered how well it would go over, but at the same time he didn't really care. He would say what he needed to say and he would get it over with. His hand hovered above his light saber at his hip and frowned when he thought of having to kill those that wouldn't go willingly. He couldn't risk an uprising. He couldn't risk them coming after Leia or the Resistance or him or Rey. He would not allow that to happen.
He walked through the doors as two officers nodded respectfully at him. He was followed onto the balcony by the two officers as he looked down at the others through his helmet. Now was the time. "Soldiers of the First Order!" he called out. They all stood at attention and hushed quickly. There were seas of white as he stared down at them. "As of this moment, the First Order is hereby disbanded. Those of you that are agreeable to this may leave after you gather your belongings. For those of you that are not agreeable to this announcement, stay behind and we will discuss the situation. Make your decision. You have five minutes to choose a side."
Ben turned on his heel to leave, but he stopped when he saw one of the two officers glaring at him. "Is there a problem with what I said, Officer?" Ben hissed.
The officer gritted his teeth. "This is a rather sudden announcement, sir."
"It is. But my decision is final."
The officer scoffed quietly. "Might I ask why you've decided to disband the First Order?"
Ben's chest burned with the inevitability he knew would come. "There is no need to fight any longer. It's time to disband and return to your family. This war is over."
"Tell me, sir. Does it have something to do with the scavenger from Jakku?" the officer prodded.
Ben glared at him through his helmet, the dangerous aura surrounding him becoming even more dangerous as time went on. Was he getting at something? Surely, he wasn't talking to Kylo Ren this way! "I would mind your tongue, Officer, lest you find it retreating down your throat," he hissed as he force choked the officer. The man gasped for air in front of him, the other officer standing silently and looking unperturbed. "Now, will you question me again?" The officer struggled to shake his head, but once he did, Ben released him. "Now then, will you be one of the ones to stay behind and discuss this? Or will you take my first option and leave quickly?"
The officer gasped for air as he got back to his feet, glaring at Ben. "I will stay," he hissed at him.
Ben felt his anger rising. "So be it." He turned his attention to the other officer, who still had not budged an inch. "And you?"
The other officer bowed respectfully. "I will take my leave, sir."
Ben nodded. "Then go gather your things quickly." The officer nodded and left. Ben glared at the other officer before him. "You, come with me."
X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X
"With all due respect, General, why must we make room for a traitor!?" Poe Dameron demanded loudly.
Rey glared over at Poe for the first time since coming back. "He's changed, Poe!"
"Oh, ok. My apologies. He's changed. That's just the perfect explanation. Thank you, Rey." Poe's words dripped with sarcasm. "The hell he's changed! Have you been brainwashed?!"
Rey stood from her seat and approached him quickly, her face inches from his as she snarled at him. "He is not the same as before, Poe!"
"How can you be so sure that this isn't just some ruse?!"
"Because I know him!"
"How well do you know him, Rey? Hm?" Poe fired back, eyes getting harsher and harsher by the minute.
"I know him well enough to say that he has changed. And if you don't trust him, then trust me. I wouldn't ask for permission for him to come if I think he's a danger to us all."
"What does it matter to you, Rey? You're leaving with him, right?" Finn interjected, hurt and anger in his eyes as he sat off to the side.
Rey faltered for a moment as she looked over at Finn. "Finn... the war is over. As we speak, he's disbanding the First Order."
"How can you be so sure that he's not amassing a full scale attack!?" Poe countered as he slammed his fist down into the table.
There was silence in the room as all eyes were darting between Poe and Rey. Rey glared over at Poe with the intensity of a thousand suns. "Poe, he will not attack us. Trust me. He won't do as you think. All he wants is to say goodbye to his mother."
Poe scoffed as he sat back down. "Right, now the demon of the First Order has a conscience that all of a sudden cares for his mother. Where was he the past 5 to 10 years, Rey? Why now? What's changed?"
Rey balled her fists as her sides as she glared at him. She opened her mouth, but Leia slammed her cane down on the floor, gaining everyone's attention in an instant. Silence filled the room. A thick, palpable, awkward, tense silence. "That is enough, Poe. I believe he will do us no harm as well. It's over."
"But, General-"
"Poe, many people grow accustomed to war and conflict when war and conflict are all they know. We are no different. You are resistant to this change because it feels like an empty victory, but I can assure you that no harm will come from my son. For those that decide to attack him, or shoot down his ship while he's arriving or escaping, I suggest you think what it means to be a traitor and remember what the punishment is for treason against the Resistance." Leia opened her eyes and looked over at Poe. The man quickly simmered down, looking away with a scoff and a mutter under his breath. "Now, then. Everyone, make sure that the landing pad is as clear as possible. I want no obstructions and I want full visibility from those not involved. While I believe he will do us no harm, it doesn't hurt to be cautious still. Is that understood?"
The room sounded with a hurried "yes, ma'am!" and everyone went to work. Rey sat there, glaring at the floor as tears threatened to bubble over. She blinked them away just as Poe came over to her. "Rey-" Rey glared up at him, pain and anger evident in her eyes as she stared up at the man she thought was her friend. Poe sighed and cursed under his breath. "Rey, listen to me... It's not that I don't trust you; I do. I just don't trust him. I know that everyone on the side of the First Order are really good at manipulating and bullying their way into everything. Are you sure he isn't manipulating you?" he asked softly.
Rey scoffed. "He's not, Poe... He's genuinely changed. I feel it." Her hand went to her heart as she felt their bond within her flicker for only a moment. "He won't harm anyone..." she said softly.
Poe nodded as he rustled her hair on her head. "Let's hope you're right, kid." Rey looked up at him and saw the classic Poe Dameron grin. Rey grinned back and nodded. "Now, come on. Let's set the stage for your boyfriend." Rey's cheeks burned in a fiery blush before she punched the heck out of his arm, earning a laugh and a loud "ow" from Poe.
X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X
Ben arrived at the hangar, ground level where the troops once were. He was elated to see that the majority of them left. He glanced around at the others, feeling their gazes on him as he walked through them to the platform. "Why have you all stayed behind?" Ben asked as emotionlessly as possible. He had to be emotionless for what he was about to do. They all looked between themselves for a long moment.
A trooper stepped forward and removed his helmet. "Sir, with all due respect, why did you all of a sudden want to disband? The war is far from over, so why? Are we fighting for nothing?"
"Not at all. Your service is greatly appreciated. However, focus is shifting. The Resistance is no longer the enemy. The galaxy doesn't need to be ruled by anyone. Everyone should make their own decisions." They all looked between each other at that. "I know it seems counterintuitive. However, think about it. If the First Order were to succeed... what would happen if you outlived your usefulness?"
"We'd be eliminated," the helmetless trooper said.
"Exactly. However, if we let the universe be, no one has to be eliminated. You can make your own path and your own lives without fear of someone taking it away if you show you're useless."
"Have you defected, Kylo Ren?" the officer from earlier asked.
The other troopers looked between the officer and Ren for a long while. "I would watch what you are accusing me of, officer. I am merely trying to offer you all a way out. But if you want to do this the hard way, none of you will leave alive. I assure you of that."
The officer laughed contemptuously. "What a farce! You all of a sudden had a change of heart, that just so happens to reflect the enemy's thinking? How are we to trust that you have not defected and are trying to lead us all to our doom?"
Ben frowned behind his helmet. He was going to be a problem. "Officer, are you insinuating I'm a traitor?" The officer only smirked. "Because if you are insinuating such things, maybe you haven't looked at your current situation. Are you aware that you are no match for me? That I can end your life in a moment, just like that? Yet, you still make such bold accusations against me?"
"I do. I believe that the scavenger from Jakku has turned you against the First Order and its cause. How else would you explain your sudden change of mind? As for being no match for you, I am aware of your skills and the powers you possess. However, you must also be aware that there are far more of us that stayed behind than there are of you. I would say we have the advantage."
Ben grinned behind his mask. "I see. Do you all feel this way then? Whoever doesn't, I suggest you leave now before I ignite my saber." There were a few more troopers that fled, dwindling the number down to at least 50 against him. He still didn't like those odds. "So be it," Ben said as he ignited his saber. The troopers drew their guns, firing away at Ren as he nimbly dodged fire after fire. An executioner came up with his vibroblade and started to face off against Ren while others were firing relentlessly at him. He deflected all the bullets back at the troopers, eliminating a few, but there were still so many left!
As he dodged another round of fire, he felt a sudden heat and heard a loud deep whining as the skin in his side was seared. He growled in pain as he force pushed the man off of him. He huffed as he took a moment to regain himself. That hurt more than he thought it would. Had he not been so distracted, he wouldn't have gotten hit. He had to focus. She was counting on him to make it out of there alive. He charged at the executioner, saber meeting vibroblade in a clash of energy. He swung relentlessly as the executioner struggled to keep up with his swings. Ben allowed some of his rage to show through, but kept it at bay long enough to not allow it to completely consume him. He growled and snarled as he swung tirelessly at the trooper, determined to knock him back enough to behead him. And that time came sooner than expected. One final strong swing from Ben sent the weapon flying across the room. The next swing decapitated the trooper.
As soon as his head hit the floor, some other troopers looked at it in horror. Some fled, Ben not allowing them to escape this time as he used the Force to slam a TIE fighter into them with a sickening squish. He took a moment to regain his breath as he felt the bond flutter a moment. His eyes widened under his helmet. He heard her voice call out to him in deep concern. And then he heard one more gun fire, piercing his shoulder. He cried out in pain, rounding on the one that shot him. It was the officer from before. "I never thought in my time of service to the First Order that I would see the great Kylo Ren fall from grace over an orphan from Jakku."
Ben gritted his teeth in pure anger and hatred as he glared at the man approaching him. "You know nothing!" he hissed back as he swung his saber at the officer. A flicker of fear swelled in the man's eyes for only a second as he dodged the saber swing. He flipped out of the way in time and grabbed the executioners blade. Ben regained his stance, channeling his energy into a brief meditation to focus on the task at hand.
"Go on, then," the officer taunted. Ben smirked under his helmet. He reached out with the Force and grabbed the man by the neck, pulling him to him until the man's throat was physically in his hand. The man struggled to breathe in Ben's grasp. He kicked and clawed at Ben's hand around his throat as his face turned from white to red to purple. When Ben had enough, he pushed more Force into the grab and snapped his neck. He threw his body to the side and turned on the remaining troopers who stood there in fear. He reignited his blade and dashed at them all, swinging and slashing and stabbing what was left of the men he fought alongside. His chest felt heavy, his feet felt like cement, his heart felt like an anvil in his chest. All he could think of was that she'd never forgive him. His actions were loathsome. How could she ever love the demon of the First Order?
Once all of them were gone, he stood there, huffing and panting as the blood he shed soaked the shining floors of the hangar. There was one more thing he had to do. He turned on his heel and made his way to the bridge, hand holding the wound in his side, a dripping blood trail behind him as he walked. He turned on the intercom to broadcast to the whole ship. "Whosoever is on board in the next five minutes will die with this ship. If you do not wish to die, hurry up and get to the escape pods." He turned it off and groaned as he felt his injuries starting to wear him down. His vision was starting to double, but he shook his head and set the self-destruct sequence. He sighed as he got back up and made his way back to the hangar, looking for his Whisper. Once he located it, he heard the announcement say that he had two minutes until self-destruct. He groaned as he got inside his ship, sat down and panted heavily. He set an auto piloted course to Rey. The ship closed and took off out of the hangar. He felt the explosion from the ship behind him and he drifted off into unconsciousness. "I'm coming, Rey..." he whispered through their connection.