A/N: I'm not even going to promise this is almost over... Enjoy!

Lost

Chapter 10: Lethality

They made it back to the base in a matter of hours. Ben had woken up from his slumber as they entered the airspace. He looked down at Rey in his lap and silently wondered why he wasn't able to say it. He'd wanted to tell her for a while now, but he simply didn't have the strength to, nor was there a right time. He supposed he'd just have to say it. Who knew that the feared Kylo Ren would be brought to his knees by a scavenger from Jakku?

The ship landed at his mother's base and he sighed as he opened the ship. He gently lifted her in his arms and exited quietly, earning a bunch of fearful looks from the people there. He paid them no mind, but Poe rushed up to meet him. His eyes darted to Rey in Ben's arms and then, without missing a beat, glared up at Ben. "What did you do to her?" he hissed at the man.

"She's sleeping, Dameron."

Poe glared at him harsher. "You did something to her. She never sleeps like that-"

"Poe, shut up," Rey sighed as she opened her eyes to glare at him. "I'm not hurt. I'm just tired."

Poe glared at Ben, but slightly softened his gaze at Rey. "Sorry."

Rey rolled her eyes and laid back against Ben again. "If you're sorry, stop giving him so much crap, Poe."

Ben grinned and walked past Poe, heading towards Rey's room. She could definitely put Poe in his place and he had to say that it was comical. He didn't mind her sticking up for him so much if it offered such amusement. He opened her door and gently laid her in bed, earning a soft sigh from Rey. He stood back up and went to walk away, but a hand on his wrist stopped him. He looked down at her curiously. "Where are you going?"

He snickered softly. "Shower. Are you asking because you want to join me?" She quickly let go and buried her face in the pillow. "That's what I thought." He felt a slight pang, but he didn't know why. He turned on his heel quickly and walked to the bathroom. Maybe he wouldn't be able to say what he needed to say.

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Things continued much like that for a few days until their next raid. He'd been especially prickly up till this point. He'd only told Rey that it was because he was not looking forward to this base in particular. Maybe it was because of all the bad memories. But in all actuality, this base was the one with the strongest pull of the dark side. He was nervous he wouldn't be able to withstand the tugging. He'd always gotten more manic when he'd visited here before. Snoke would send him here most times as a way of resetting his mind to align with his objectives. But he knew that was only what he told him and he'd actually sent him here to brainwash him again.

Even as they were piled into his ship, his face wasn't as lax as it was before. It was tighter than a drum as he glared out into space, lost in his thoughts and apparently oblivious to the fact she was even there. He was already letting this place affect him. And he hadn't even gotten close to it yet. He knew it was nothing more than a mind game he was playing with himself, but somehow, he couldn't just let it go and treat it as nothing. He was terrified of this place. He was terrified of what it meant to be there. And he was even more terrified of what he could quite possibly do to her while they were there. Would she fall to the dark side, too? Would she be able to pull him out of it, if he were to lose himself again?

His lips tightened together as he felt her prodding at their connection. He quickly shoved her out, refusing to let her into his deep dark thoughts. He clamped down tightly, refusing entry, earning a frown from the girl in his lap. But he paid her no mind. His name came out of her mouth in a delicate thrum, but all he heard was a muffled sound as if he were underwater. He knew she was reaching out to him, but his head spun with so many what-ifs that he didn't know what end was up.

"Ben!" she hissed, finally earning his attention. He blinked several times before looking down at her, his whole temperament guarded. "What's going on?" He huffed a little and looked back out the window of his ship into the deep dark void of space. This was why he was starting to dislike space. Too many negative thoughts and not enough support. In space, everything was cold and desolate. All he had was his thoughts. Nothing could pull him out of his rabbit hole if he were left alone with them for too long. But on a planet, he could only afford to linger in thought for so long before something pulled him out. "Ben-"

"Nothing."

Rey's face scrunched into a deeper frown as she crossed her arms over her chest in irritation. "If it were really nothing, then why are you looking like you want to murder someone if they so much as look at you?"

Ben felt a pang of guilt then. Though, he didn't know why. Maybe it was because she saw through him. Maybe it was because he was scared of the very thought becoming a reality. Who knew... He knew he didn't want her to worry about him, but he also knew that he didn't really give her much option with how he was currently acting. He couldn't keep avoiding her. He had to tell her something. He was so good at pushing people away, but with Rey, all he wanted to do was to reel her in. He knew he couldn't though. If he reeled her in this time, how would she come out of it?

"Ben... don't make decisions for me." Ben flinched only a little, sudden realization filling his face for a split moment that he had been broadcasting. He risked a glance down at her and that was all he needed to sigh heavily, twisting his head in defeat.

"This last base has a strong influence from the dark side. Snoke..." The very mention of that man's name sent Rey on edge in his lap. He instantly felt her stiffen at the very mention of his name and he knew she was smart enough to piece together that whenever he mentioned his name, nothing good ever followed. "He sent me here for reconditioning if it seemed I was getting too soft." He stared into her eyes for longer than necessary. It was always after meeting her, either in person or through their strange bond they knew nothing about in the beginning. She'd had an effect on him that made him want to do better. "Snoke saw everything. He wanted to make sure I was on no one's side but his."

Rey frowned as she reached up and gently caressed his cheek, the stubble only slightly tickling her hand. "Will you be ok?"

That was an odd question... He was already ok with it. What was in the past couldn't be changed. His only choice was to move on from it. But then he thought about the greater question behind her words. would he be ok? Would he be able to handle all the memories? All the representations? All the trauma? All the influence? Would he be able to handle himself? He pressed his lips into a thin line as he mulled that question over. That's what he was afraid of. He'd always had a weaker mind than her. Sure, he was stubborn, but the dark side had twisted his mind to think in ways she didn't. It taught him to fly off the handle and think emotionally. To want to take out his anger and pain and fear on everyone around him. It was a wonder she even saw a flicker of light in him. He felt a warm caress through their bond, as if there were arms wrapping around him as a comfort blanket. Almost at the same time, he felt a feather light kiss on his lips. He had been so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn't even felt her shifting in his lap to be able to reach his mouth.

His body slowly relaxed under the warmth in his mind and heart and the warmth on his lips. He leaned into the kiss only slightly as an arm wound around her waist and held her against him, afraid that if he were to let her go, he'd wake up and be alone again. After a few moments, they separated, his dark eyes finding her hazel eyes and holding that gaze. If he could express an ounce of what he was feeling in words, he would do it in this moment. But he couldn't. It was ironic really. He'd thought and acted on emotion so many times in the past, yet he couldn't seem to act on emotion here with her now.

"You're not alone, Ben," she said softly.

His lips twitched into a gentle grin at their saying together. "Neither are you." He leaned back down and pressed his lips back on hers once more, earning a small sigh of happiness from the woman in his arms. As they deepened the kiss, he felt his surroundings change. A sudden shift in the energy of things. And he quickly broke the kiss to look up at the planet they were approaching. His eyes shone with hatred at the very existence of the planet. He'd long forgotten the name, but it didn't need one. If he had the ability, he would destroy it faster than a blink of an eye in a sandstorm. He felt her clutch onto him and he knew she felt the effects of the planet as well. "Will you be ok?" he asked as he kept his eyes trained on the planet they were approaching.

"It's... strong..." she said as she struggled to catch her breath. It probably felt like the wind was knocked out of her if she fell too hard on her back. That was what he felt when he first arrived here. Now, he couldn't stand the very feel of this place. Before, a few days here was alluring and reset his mind. However, it was more like he was brainwashed again. Now... the very feeling of this planet was enough to churn his stomach. He hated the powerful dark side influence. He half-wondered if there was a sith temple underneath the base. It would make sense, but Snoke never confirmed or denied it.

They arrived in front of the base on the landing pad. Ben scanned the desert wasteland for any signs of life. It looked quiet. He didn't speak. All he did was scan the area and hold close to Rey as she caught her breath. "Listen to me, Rey. Don't leave the ship unless I call for you. And don't give in to the dark side. Understand?"

Rey only nodded as she started to rebalance herself. She let out a slow shaky breath before looking up at him. "We need to leave quickly."

Ben nodded. "It won't take long. Those that are left behind..."

"I know."

Ben sighed to himself. These people stood no chance. He wasn't even going to offer salvation for those left here. Anyone here on this planet for too long that had any pull with the Force at all would have surely lost their senses soon enough. At that point, they were just raging caged animals looking for a reason to take out aggression on anyone and anything that moved. He had to keep his senses about him. This place was dangerous. He looked down at her one last time. "Don't leave the ship." She nodded and allowed him to get up and exit the ship. He lingered in front of the ship, hand poised on his saber as he surveyed the area in front of her. She didn't like this. Not one bit. "I'll reach out if something happens."

And with that... he was gone from sight, whisked away into the sandstorm.