Chapter 22
Don't you forget about me
"Sanji…"
The cook was hearing Chopper's voice begging him to open the door. Immersed in the dark, the blond had sat against the front door of his small house a few hours earlier. The news had quickly spread to the crew and when the little reindeer had come the first time, Sanji had given him his dish of marinated fish without a word. The cook had realized at that moment that he was unable to serve dinner and despite his wide worried eyes, the doctor hadn't insisted when Sanji closed the door.
After the meal however, Chopper had returned. Night had fallen a while ago but he persisted. Sanji couldn't answer him. He could hear his increasingly alarmed voice but he was light years away from this door and his friend. The latest events were spinning in his head.
Flashback
When he had arrived on the Sunny after leaving Zoro, the sun was beginning its course towards the horizon. He had noticed that his captain was sitting on the figurehead towards the sea, and his steps seemed to have slowed of their own accord as he crossed the deck to join him.
All his memories had come back to him. When he had boarded the Merry as an official member of the Straw Hat crew. When he had rushed to deliver Nami from her oppressor as his first mission alongside Usopp and Zoro. When they welcomed Chopper. When their ship rescued them at Enies Lobby to free Robin. When he had discovered the marvel that was the Sunny thanks to Franky's talent. When he couldn't stop Luffy from bringing Brook back to the ship.
Sanji had swallowed before freezing halfway through. He had been through so much on this ship in such a short time that he wasn't sure he would have enough of a lifetime to write them all down. Each place contained its share of nostalgia. The deck and the incessant games of the captain as much as the battlespace where the crew members fought to defend their lives and the Sunny. The workshops of Usopp and Franky where the most improbable inventions came from. The library and its unreal tranquility where Robin and Nami liked to work. The sick bay which had seen all of them more than once in Chopper's care. The crow's nest where Zoro locked himself away to perfect his techniques. The back deck from where Brook played the most beautiful melodies. The aquarium and its intimate atmosphere where the crew enjoyed meeting. The boys' quarters and bathroom, always buried under the mess of the crewmen. The girls' room and its forbidden domain that Sanji had only imagined even after all this time spent together.
And then, his galley. He no longer counted the hours he had spent inside, creating some of his finest works in order to see the joy illuminate the face of his crewmates at each meal. He had had the privilege of being responsible for their moral as well as physical well-being thanks to his position. He had held his place as chef with rigor and reverence, proud to participate in the life of the crew in his own way.
The blond had let his gaze linger even more on the Sunny. The ship had witnessed his love for cooking but also the love he had discovered with the first mate. The Sunny had first sheltered their secret before allowing them to live in broad daylight. Sanji could trace his entire history with Zoro thanks to the Sunny.
When the galley had become not only his personal lair but also the place of his first connection with the swordsman. When Nami caught them from the bathroom. When the crow's nest had welcomed their first arguments and their first reconciliations. When Franky had built them a room. When they had torn each other apart as much as they had loved each other down there. When the aquarium had been the guardian of their most painful secrets. When they had gotten back together. When Zoro had offered himself to him.
Sanji had remained still for a moment in the warm air, the smell of tangerine trees and green grass enveloping him in a friendly and melancholic aura. Breathless, Sanji had then resumed walking. The tears were no longer streaming down his face, but he had felt their dry trail on his cheeks since the swordsman had wiped them away.
He had finally arrived in front of the figurehead and Luffy had kept his gaze on the sea. Sanji had taken a deep breath.
"Captain, I have a favor to ask you."
The straw hat boy hadn't moved and Sanji had felt apprehension knot his stomach. There was no turning back. If he said those words, he would put an end to everything that had made him happy. He would no longer get up at dawn to make sure breakfast was ready. He would no longer spend his time struggling to prepare enough quality food. He would no longer fight against his captain's insatiable appetite. He would no longer cook surprise snacks for his friends for their watches. He would no longer be depressed by Brook's absurd remarks or Chopper's too naive ones. He couldn't laugh at Franky's ridiculous poses or Usopp's cowardice anymore. He wouldn't argue with Zoro all the time. He would no longer ensure the well-being of Nami and Robin. He would no longer defend the flag of the Sunny. He would no longer fight under the banner of Luffy.
He wouldn't be part of the Straw Hat crew anymore. He would be just himself. On the ocean of his dreams, but alone.
"I'd like to be released from my commitment and stay on All Blue." He had bitten his lips, aware of the enormity of his request. "I know it's a selfish request but my past is such that I couldn't live with myself if I didn't take the opportunity to repay some of my debt while I'm here."
A long moment had passed again without a word and the blond had respected this silence. Finally, Luffy had turned to him. "Do you wanna leave the crew?"
The cook had flinched. "I wish I could have done otherwise but I can't keep you waiting any longer-"
"That's not what I asked," The straw hat boy had cut him short," Do you wanna leave the crew, Sanji?"
The blond had lowered his eyes in front of his serious tone. "I don't. But-"
"Then my answer is no."
Sanji had raised his head, stunned. "You-You don't want me to leave the crew?" He had stuttered, in shock.
"You don't wanna leave it and I don't want you to leave; it's quite simple," The captain had agreed, nodding.
"But… But… I gave my word to the inhabitants and to Zeff; I can't let them down," He had stammered again.
"You'll keep your promise but I don't want you to leave the crew." Sanji had stared at him blankly and Luffy had fixed his gaze on him. "Do what you need to do. It doesn't matter if you're on the Sunny with us or not; you'll always be part of the Straw Hat crew."
Sanji had felt his eyes widen in surprise before new tears had gathered under the weight of thankfulness. He had looked at the man who would always be his captain, overcome with gratitude. Who was he to have met such a great person as Luffy? How dared he take advantage of his generosity in keeping the title of crewmate when Sanji himself was trying to leave?
For all these unanswered questions and many more, Sanji had strengthened his will. "I swear I'll be there, Luffy," He had resumed, his jaw shaking with emotion.
His captain had questioned him with a look and Sanji had fixed his shining eyes on his. "The day you become the Pirate King, I'll be there. Whether it's in a year or in thirty years, I'll be in Raftel. I swear."
Luffy had given him his biggest smile in return. "Of course you'll be there!"
End of flashback
Sanji felt a thin smile stretch his lips as another tear rolled down his cheek. He was mourning the loss of his place in the crew but he was so proud to have been a part of it and to keep the honor of referring to it as a crewmember.
"Sanji, Zoro didn't come back. Is he with you?"
The blond jumped when hearing Chopper's worried voice. He had totally forgotten that the doctor was still imploring him behind the door. The cook quickly wiped his eyes. "He-He's not here, Chopper. I haven't seen him since this afternoon."
"I hope he's okay…"
Sanji bit his lip and pulled his knees up to his body as if to protect himself. Luffy had told him that he intended to go back to sea the next day and this deadline hurt him as much as it relieved him. When he had returned, he had hesitated to go in search of the swordsman when he had noted his absence before finally changing his mind. What would they do if he found him? Would they sit in silence trying to ignore their impending separation or would their proximity trigger a desperate urge to reverse their decision?
The blond couldn't afford to flinch. He had given his word.
In the early morning, the cook had finally got up and forced himself to take a shower. Chopper had eventually left and Sanji spent the next few hours writing recommendations and food tips to his friends. He didn't have time to cook like last time since the Sunny was going to raise the sails at noon but he still had done his best.
He had given some advice on the preferences of each member of the crew: Brook needed dairy products but skimmed milk was ineffective. Franky's circuits required cola at room temperature to work best. Chopper shouldn't be allowed to get his hands on candy because he could eat them until he made himself sick. Nami's tangerines especially revealed their unique flavor in the form of sorbet and mousse. The fish for Usopp's skewers had to be browned in olive oil before being grilled. Zoro enjoyed his sticky rice more when it was made from Thai sweet rice. Robin only drank certain mixtures of green and red tea. Despite Luffy's unconditional love for meat, his favorite was lamb.
Sanji had also added some general guidelines so that his friends would choose the best possible ingredients. The blond hoped that way the crew wouldn't suffer too much from his absence until they… decided to find a new cook if they wished.
Shortly before the appointed hour, he had steeled himself and slowly descended towards the beach. Chopper, Franky, Brook, Usopp, Nami and Robin were loading the ship and all of them eagerly rushed towards him when he appeared.
"We didn't see you yesterday and Luffy told us we were gonna leave today," Usopp told him, concerned.
"It was very unexpected," Brook approved.
"He said you weren't coming with us!" The little reindeer said, tears in his voice.
"And he didn't wanna say why," Nami was annoyed.
"I'm sure there's a specific reason for his decision," Robin pointed out.
"Zoro didn't show up either; we don't know where he spent the night," Franky added.
Sanji tried to calm the too fast beating of his heart and he lit a cigarette to relax. He had prepared himself for this conversation, for these explanations that he needed to give to his friends. After all, they deserved to know. Only the part about his relationship with the swordsman didn't concern them and Sanji didn't intend to talk about it. This pain was theirs alone and the departure of the crew itself was difficult enough to handle.
"Is it true then? You're gonna stay?" Usopp resumed suddenly, frowning.
Sanji nodded slowly while taking a drag on his cigarette. "If I boarded with you, it was to find the All Blue and now that it's done, I'll stay," He declared nonchalantly.
"But… does that mean you're gonna leave the crew?" The little reindeer asked with a choked voice.
"I can't make you wait any longer and developing the island will take time either way," His friend confirmed calmly.
"And Luffy agrees?" Franky wondered.
The cook nodded again, but beside him, the redhead was suspicious. "Don't tell me you made that choice so easily; I don't believe you," She growled, grabbing him menacingly by the collar. "You wouldn't have mysteriously disappeared last night and neither would Zoro for that matter. So I ask again: did Luffy allow you to leave the crew, yes or no?"
The cook swallowed. His carefree attitude was the only way he had found to keep from collapsing again. Yet, looking at the bewildered looks of his crewmates, he realized the cure was probably worse than the disease.
Nami released him and Sanji looked down. "Luffy refused to let me leave the crew but he allowed me to stay on All Blue," He then admitted softly. "I… I'd have liked to continue with you but I made a promise and I must keep it."
A tense silence greeted his declaration as everyone took stock of what his words implied.
"Why don't you use a door and join us once you've kept your promise?" Franky asked him, his eyebrows furrowed.
"There's no precise map of these doors and Liam hardly saw any on the New World," The cook whispered, taking a shaky puff of nicotine.
"Luffy's decision makes perfect sense then," Robin noted.
"Okay, but why does he wanna leave so quickly?" The sniper got indignant, glancing at his captain sitting on the figurehead behind them. "You don't part with a crewmate like a bad habit, we could take time!"
"He was very clear about it," The musician reminded him.
"He was downright intractable," The navigator muttered, also suspicious.
"Sanji, I don't wanna leave without you!"
Chopper suddenly burst into tears and the cook felt his throat tighten. Yet he had made a choice and now he needed to take responsibility for it. He got rid of his cigarette to stand at the little reindeer's level and his friend threw himself into his arms.
"Chopper, I need you to be strong." As the doctor was shaken with sobs against him, Sanji straightened to look him in the eyes. "You must be strong because I have a very important mission to entrust to you in my absence." He then pointed out the two women of the crew. "I'm counting on you to protect Nami-san and Robin-chan in all circumstances, okay?"
At these words, the little reindeer nodded frantically while trying to swallow back his tears and the blond got up, a slight smile on his lips.
Beside him, Franky sighed. "We'll miss you, bro…"
"Life on the Sunny won't be the same," Brook added quietly.
The cyborg grabbed the cook to pressurize him in his arms and Sanji struggled hard to get away before running out of air. As he caught his breath and Franky wiped away his tears moments later, Usopp folded his arms in annoyance. "I guess I'm happy for you but I'm still mad at you," He sighed before pulling him into an emotional hug.
"This is a fine time to tell the truth," The blond grimaced in return. He was also fighting against the increasingly intense emotion that overwhelmed him.
"I'm sure we'll meet again," Robin chimed in after they separated.
"I kept one of Liam's door detection devices. I'll make a map as precise as possible and as long as the distance isn't too far, we can communicate," The navigator added a little too quickly.
"I took some notes so that you can manage while waiting," The blond whispered, handing her his sheet. Nami nodded before putting away the paper as Brook bowed to him. "Dear friend, goodbyes are as dark as reunions will be bright and, in our case, it is not a farewell; that's for sure."
"I hope so. Thank you, Brook."
At that moment,the navigator saw the figure of the swordsman walking in their direction on the beach and she took a deep breath. "We need to go; it's time. Take care, Sanji-kun." She stood on her tiptoes to hug him and the blond wrapped his arms around her body, his stomach in knots. Nami then turned to walk towards the Sunny, her hand furtively wiping her misty eyes and Usopp, Franky and Brook followed suit without a word.
On the other hand, Robin took a step in the cook's direction. "I'm sure there'll be better days." Sanji tried to smile but his lip quivered and the archaeologist leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. She then grabbed the little reindeer in her arms, whose tears were streaming down his cheeks again, and they walked away towards the Sunny in turn.
The cook ran a hand over his face to pull himself together and then noticed the fencer who walked past him slowly. He choked back the tears that threatened to escape him and tried to look as natural as possible.
"You're not gonna say goodbye?"
A few steps in front of him, Zoro froze. "I'm not good at this."
Even though Sanji was only seeing his back, he could clearly see the tension in each of the swordsman's muscles and he stepped closer. "Well, you're gonna make an effort, mosshead."
He saw the fencer sigh before he turned to him and Sanji took the opportunity to stare into his eyes. Zoro looked tired and tense, just like him, and he tried to keep a cool head. His presence suffocated the cook as much as he needed it to breathe and suddenly, this confusion made him lose his means. "You just dumped me to better pursue your dream so you're gonna take five minutes to say goodbye properly, got it?"
Zoro's eyes widened at the blond's sudden fury and he frowned. "That's not what happened."
At these words, the cook's rage subsided as quickly as it had appeared and he shook his head, trying to pull himself together. "I know. It's just… if my anger goes away, I'm scared of doing something stupid so…"
"Something stupid?"
Sanji rolled his eyes in front of his worried look. "I'm not gonna shoot myself, you idiot, stop looking at me like that. I was thinking of begging you to stay or quitting everything to travel with you but hey…" He sighed heavily, his gaze shifting. "The worst part is, I really could do it for you, mosshead…"
"You have more dignity than that, cook," The swordsman replied awkwardly.
"I know."
The blond then slipped into the arms of the fencer who naturally welcomed him. Sanji heard his rushed breathing and he closed his eyes, enjoying this last moment before the inevitable. After a few minutes however, Zoro grabbed his face and looked deeply into his eyes before closing his own and kissing the blond's warm lips for long seconds.
Sanji wished this moment would never end and when the swordsman tore himself away from him, he shuddered. "How do you expect me to let you go after kissing me like that, silly?" He whispered. His gaze was misty.
Zoro bit his lip and once again fixed his gaze on his as if he wanted to etch on his memory every detail of the blond's face. However, Sanji knew that their eyes reflected the same heartbreak and the swordsman finally slipped away when he took a step back. The cook's arms fell to his sides and Zoro turned away. Sanji made no move to keep him from walking away. Every second added to their pain and they both knew it.
His eyes brimming with tears, Sanji met Luffy's clear gaze fixed on him from the figurehead of the Sunny. He nodded softly and the captain touched his hat to return his salute before jumping on deck.
Above him, the sails unfurled.
The fencer walked past the rest of the crew who had kindly looked away to give them some privacy.
"Can we do something for you, Zoro?" Chopper's concerned voice inquired.
The man ignored his question and locked himself in the crow's nest without looking at anyone. Franky then tried to comfort the little reindeer whose tears were appearing again in his eyes. "He's gonna need some time, Chopper, that's normal."
At that moment, the sails billowed and Nami slightly turned the helm. The Sunny slid on the sea towards the open sea and Luffy walked resolutely towards the back deck, his crew slowly following him.
Sanji had watched his friends' figures gathered in silence on the back deck while the Sunny slowly sailed away from him. His gaze hypnotized by this vision as sweet as it was nightmarish, he had remained perfectly still. It wasn't until the ship slipped out of sight past the tip of the island that he woke up.
He then rushed towards the forest, passing it in a few seconds in the direction of the village then the path which led to his restaurant.
A minute later, he stumbled onto the viewpoint, out of breath, and the cherry tree stopped him at the edge of the precipice. From up there, the Sunny was still visible.
Sanji fixed his gaze on the crow's nest that stood out on the horizon and felt his nails dig into the bark of the trunk until drops of blood beaded on his fingertips. He closed his eyes.
He was weak. He had promised the swordsman that he wouldn't wait for him and he preferred to cut his hands rather than prevent Zoro from reaching his goal but at that moment, he couldn't help but address a silent prayer to him.
"Don't forget me."
If you want to add music to the drama, you can listen to 'I'm becoming the pirate king' - One Piece OST, obviously - which inspired me, especially for the scene of Zoro and Sanji's goodbye and when the Sunny sails away.
