Newly Revised
A week came and went in the blink of an eye with nothing happening with the exception that everyone finding out Shane was gone. Rick and Tea did not explain that he was possibly dead, just that he had left in the middle of the night for some reason and hadn't made it back yet. She had never liked being given attention and had regularly used weed to help her before the turn if it didn't have to do with the classroom, but Daryl, ever the asshole, and thrown it into the fire after their fight. She had yelled at him again for that after she found out a couple days later, but all he bothered doing was staring at her somewhat blankly while fiddling with his fingers as she went off on him. He didn't regret his decision even after she blew up on him and just let her get her anger out until she she asked him what the fuck he'd been thinking. He kept staring at her as she cried and then calmed down enough to listen without yelling some more. When he told her that she'd been without it long enough she didn't need it, she simply went into the tent and went to sleep and didn't talk to him for the rest of the night. She'd apologized for being so emotional about it in the morning and told him she was beyond stressed by everything and had just wanted to relax. It had been more than a shock to find out the one thing she had been able to use to calm down and keep herself emotionally regulated and she hadn't been able to control herself after finding out that he'd done it. He told her that until they knew what happened to Shane, she didn't need anything dulling her senses. She'd told him he'd regret it, but as of yet he still didn't.
In all honesty, Daryl would rather her be glued to him than wandering around camp anyway. While Tea was sure she had stabbed Shane in the neck to where he should be dead, there had been a very clear trail leading away from the camp and through the woods that he'd followed as long as he could under the premise of hunting. He'd yet to find the man and until he saw for himself that Shane was dead, he was keeping a close eye on his girl. It didn't seem to bother her anymore anyway since she was always running to him when things got to be too much. If she wasn't sitting behind him with him leaning on her or on his lap, she was right beside him, and the rest of the time he knew exactly where she was at. While he wasn't used to being so touchy with someone like Tea needed him to be right now, but to be fair, he didn't hate it either. He couldn't blame the girl for wanting to stay with him after what had happened and the change in the group's dynamic. She was being forced to interact with the adults in the group more than either of them were comfortable with doing and it was causing her more stress than she was ready for. The biggest problem with that was now more were turning to Tea if Rick wasn't around to lead them. Apparently, the gap left by Shane's disappearance was to be filled by her which caused her to rely more and more on Daryl for emotional support.
Rick and T-Dog had taken Randall at least fifteen miles out now that he was finally healed enough to move on his own even though Tea had offered to go with him. The problem with that had been when Rick had asked her straight up to stay in camp to protect the kids and Lori; she couldn't say no to his logic that she and Daryl were in the best position to. She had stayed near the camp until it got to be too much for her to handle before running to Daryl at their campsite every time she needed space. He was back at their getaway making more arrows waiting for her return while Tea went to the farmhouse. Standing in the kitchen with Maggie and Lori to prepare the girl's tea, she listened in on their conversation while they were making lunch. Even though she had only taught Patricia and Maggie how to make it, Lori had tried to take a stab at it and almost made the girl sick. While it was just a strong relaxant made from chamomile, lavender, and lemon balm, Lori had added too much of one of the herbs and made the girl have some problems with her stomach. Since then, Beth had insisted it tasted the best when Tea made it herself and of course, Tea couldn't say no to a young girl in need of her help. She wasn't happy about being the kitchen with two women on opposite ends of the spectrum. Lori had been shooting daggers at her since Shane had disappeared and Maggie was lovestruck and scared Glenn didn't feel the same. It was a like real life TV drama that had Tea rolling her eyes every time Lori opened her mouth to talk to Maggie.
"Rick say anything to you about Glenn when they got back from town?" Maggie asked Lori.
"Just that it had gotten pretty bad," Lori hummed.
"He's not the same. Blames me. Says he froze. Blames me. Says I got inside his head," Maggie lamented.
"He came back, that's all that matters," Lori told the girl. "Men have to do certain things, you know that. And they're either gonna blame the little woman as the reason they do 'em or the reason they don't. I'll tell you something, what happens out there happens out there. And we," she paused to gather her thought, Tea trying to contain her laughter at the misogynistic bullshit spewing out of Lori's mouth. "We're just trying to keep it together 'til they get back."
"Things were good," Maggie started. "Maybe I –"
"Glenn's a big boy," Lori interrupted. "He makes his own choices. And you, do you have anything to apologize for?" When Maggie shook her head, Lori continued, "Tell him to man up and pull himself together. Just never say man up, it never goes well," she chuckled.
Tea couldn't help it when the laughter escaped her to the point she'd doubled over before turning around and telling Lori, "That's great. Give the woman bullshite 'bout men blamin' women. What a crock a shite! Maggie, the man is confused 'bout 'ow he feels 'cause he ain' eva felt this way 'bout someone 'fore," she told the young woman. "He ain' blamin' ya, I promise ya that. That boy would die for ya any day a the week. He's jus' confused and scared 'bout how he's feelin', and he put it off on ya like he blamed ya. But he doesn' and he feels guilty as hell for puttin' it on ya. He'll grow a pair 'ventually and come 'round and tell ya he didn' mean ta be such an ass. He's just got ta deal with 'is head and work up the courage. Said it's kind a like afta he told the camp 'bout the barn and how ya got angry 'til 'e confessed 'e didn' want ta see ya hurt. He'll come around."
"Again, how do you know that?" Lori asked with a glare, practically spitting out her next words. "Psychology doesn't mean you know how people feel. You can't just make things up, Titania."
"Don' fuckin' use that name!" Tea spat right back before she set the record straight once and for all. "It doesn' take a genius ta fuckin' talk ta people 'bout what the fuck is botharin' 'em, ya fuckin' twat waffle! And 'sides that, it's saprisingly easy ta tell how people feel if ya jus' fuckin' pay attention ta them!" she all but shouted before turning to Maggie and trying to calm down. "I talked ta the man yestaday aftanoon afta I found 'im muttarin' 'bout how 'e could talk ta ya. Asked 'im what was wrong and told everythin' that happened. I ain' said nothin' 'e didn' say 'imself. And so ya know, tellin' 'em ta grow a pair works infinitely betta than tellin' 'em ta man up. Even I got a pair, they're jus' on me chest and a hell a lot bigga!"
Maggie finally started laughing, "Let me get this to Beth."
"You go on," Lori said. "I got it."
As she left the room, Maggie looked at Tea, "Did you really talk to him?"
"Yeah, I did. I had ta afta hearin' 'im mumblin' like 'e was. He loves ya, Maggie, he does. He's jus' havin' a hard time dealin' with warrin' emotions. Man feels like 'e let the camp down by keepin' safe for ya. Feels like 'e's riskin' the camp's safety all 'cause 'e froze. Then 'e's guilty 'cause 'e took it out on ya when 'e's the one feelin' guilty. One thing Lori was right 'bout, people have ta do things. Not jus' men, women too. So, here's what ya gotta do ta make 'im 'man up' like Lori said. Ya go ta that boy, ya don' give 'im the chance ta back away, and ya kiss him senseless. Tell 'im when 'e's ready ta talk, ya'll be there. Then walk the fuck away like nothin' happened," Tea told the woman with a laugh. "Men like Glenn, be a bit assertive but let 'em know ya there for 'em and they'll clean their shite up quickly."
"You sure know a lot about men," Maggie said with a smirk of her own.
"Nah, I know people. People include men. Undastandin' otha people is a hell a a lot easia than figurin' out society as a whole and the standards it used ta have," she said with a shrug. "'Sides, I know both sides a this. Both Glenn and I have fallen off the deep end when we don' know how ta deal with it. Difference is, ya don' got ta deal with stupid shite like cryin' ova not havin' somethin' or gettin' pissed 'cause ya can' do somethin' ya used ta."
"Is Daryl really like that?" Maggie asked, making Tea laugh loudly again.
"Nah, it's me that's prone ta outbursts like a liddle kid from time ta time when shite changes. Hell, I got inta a fight with 'im jus' the otha day ova that shite. I jus'...can' help it," she said, changing from laughing to sullen.
"Well, it's not like Glenn's bein' much different with his tantrum," the farmer's daughter quipped, both of them snorting in laughter.
"Let me take this up ta Beth."
Tea left the kitchen carefully carrying the cup up the stairs to Beth's room. She hadn't lied to Maggie about anything; Glenn really did have strong feelings for her and Tea really was scared she was going to make Daryl hate her one day for her stupid outbursts. For right now, he didn't seem to care that she was using him as her security blanket or her outlet for her anger like he'd been the other night. She'd known it was a stupid thing to throw a fit like she had and she honestly hadn't meant to and the man had just sat there and taken it. He'd taken everything she'd thrown at him and threw the truth in her face and she hadn't even been able to do anything but shut down on him. Sure, she'd apologized for it in the morning and he just told her that at least she knew she'd been a bitch about it before smacking her ass and telling her to get up. The man had taken everything she'd thrown at him so far and never once complained about it and she was so scared that some day he was going to be sick of it. She hated her own outbursts, so how could someone else stand by her when she had them? Rather than thinking about her own problems, she paid attention to everyone else's for the time being, though she had to admit she was more than happy to help Beth as much as the girl needed.
Getting to the room, she watched as Lori tried unhelpfully to console Beth, retelling her own story, "I know how hard it is. I tried for days to reach my mom. Get her on the phone. I can only assume –"
"It's just so pointless," the teen cried.
"You have Maggie, your father, Patricia and Jimmy," Lori said. "And you gotta stay strong for them. I wish I could promise you it would be alright in the end. I can't, but, we can make now alright, and we have to."
Beth looked over and gave her a thank you that she obviously didn't mean. Lori was right that they could make now alright, but everything Lori had said was no help to the girl. She was grieving the loss of her mother and brother, the shock of the reality of the situation, and the pain of having hope only for it to be completely crushed. How could Lori even begin to understand how Beth felt? It wasn't like Tea could relate, but she understood enough to know the girl had started to give up and was definitely depressed. Her entire world had come crashing down and the only thing she'd been able to do was sit back and watch as Shane tore it apart. Of course, Lori just petted the girl's head as if she'd done some good, telling her she'd be back soon enough to take a walk outside before noticing Tea standing there. She shot daggers at her again and left the room as Tea finally entered the room and set the tea on her bedside table.
"Thought ya might like somethin' ta help ya relax," she told her, motioning to the cup.
"Thank you."
"Ya know, I don' know much 'bout grievin'," she said as she sat by the girl on the bed. "I know all 'bout grief and the process a goin' through it, don' get me wrong. I jus' can' grieve like normal people. I cry and then I'm done. Always have. Bein' autistic sometimes is a blessin', 'cause I can focus on anythin' I need ta. But sometimes it's a curse, 'cause I can' feel what I should. I can' begin ta imagine how ya feelin', 'specially since I was neva close with my family. I know I can' feel loss like ya can, but I also know that sometimes life can be more'n what we feel we can handle. Thing is, Beth, ya a hell a a lot stronga than ya think ya are. Ya'll live through this and become even stronga yet. Don' be givin' up jus' yet, ya hear? Ain' askin' for a promise, jus' that ya'll try."
Beth looked at her, eyes shining with unshed tears as she nodded her head, reaching under the pillows and handing a knife over. Tea's eyes widened just slightly before she took it, a soft smile of understanding on her lips; she'd been there before herself. She simply put it down on the nightstand and decided that the girl needed something she rarely gave to others. She moved onto the bed beside Beth and wrapped her arms around the girl before crushing her into her chest in a tight bear hug the girl returned as she broke down sobbing. She'd done this a couple times with younger victims, though she had never gone so far as to hold them like she was Beth. Tea simply figured that the girl needed a shoulder to cry on that didn't expect anything from her other than not to give up. Lori practically ran back into the room shortly after that and caught sight of the knife, grabbing it before leaving the room without uttering a single word or seemingly looking at the two of them. It didn't take long before Maggie came running into the room while Beth was finally calming down and immediately asked for privacy. Tea let go of Beth before telling Maggie to go easy on her and leaving the room with Lori and going downstairs. She went into the kitchen where Andrea was standing and stayed in there with her and Lori as chaos ensued upstairs. Tea thought she'd warned Maggie to try to understand, to let them talk to each other, but instead they were yelling and she was surprised there was nothing breaking up there. Maggie didn't want to understand any of Beth's reasons for even contemplating suicide and Beth was already rethinking her choice but Maggie wouldn't listen to that let alone why she'd felt like that was an option.
"Where's Hershel?" Andrea asked calmly through the shouting upstairs.
"He doesn't want to find out yet," Lori explained.
"I doubt that, prolly hasn' been told yet. Ya know I was dealin' with it?" she told Lori.
"It's a family affair. We'll let them work it out," Lori said dryly.
"That's working it out?" Andrea huffed, exasperated with Lori's attitude.
"When Beth stops fighting, that's when it's time to worry," Lori responded.
"Nah the fuck it's not!" Tea said incredulously. "Lori, where'd ya get ya damn psychology degree at, huh? Fuck, where'd ya learn ya fuckin' empathy at?! Ya got ta help 'er find a reason ta fight, not jus' expect 'er ta have one! That's what I was doin' when ya barged in and didn' even say a word! I was tryin' ta let 'er get out everythin' she needed ta ta make 'er feel betta! The fuck ya think I was 'oldin' 'er for?! Shites and giggles?! I don' fuckin' hug no one but Daryl and Phia on occasion, but I was fuckin' huggin' that girl! Got 'er ta open up and cry for the first time, which, ya know, is a fuckin' healin' factor in trauma like she's had! Ya might a jus' gone ruined what liddle bit a fight I had managed ta put in that liddle girl all 'cause ya don' know shite 'bout what ya doin'!"
"This could've been handled better," Andrea agreed.
"How so?" came the huffed reply.
"You should've just left well enough alone. Out of everyone on this farm, Tea's the only one with any knowledge of how the mind works let alone helping someone in Beth's position. She tried helping me the same way at the CDC. You knew Tea was in there with her and you should have let her handle it," Andrea said.
"Well I apologize if I wasn't going to let the blind lead the blind. You really think you could go in there and help her get through grief after that everything that happened last week?" Lori asked.
"I had 'er breakin' down, didn' I?! I had 'er feelin' somethin' for the first time all week ratha than let it build inside 'til she felt nothin' but despair! That's what she needed, Lori! Ta feel! Ta mourn! Ta let it fuckin' become the reality it is ta her now! Ta know someone was there for 'er that wasn' gonna push 'er inta anythin' or push anythin' on 'er or expected anythin' from 'er! She fuckin' gave me the knife willin'ly, ya fuckin' walnut! That's what I did. What did ya do for that girl, huh? Ya came in like a bat out ta hell and ruined everythin' I was tryin' ta do! I'm tellin' ya, bitch, if that liddle girl finds a way ta try 'cause ya took the calm out ta the entire fuckin' situation, it's on ya head Lori," Tea said, pushing off the counter she'd been leaning on and walked to the doorway of the kitchen before leaning on it just to put more distance between her and the pregnant woman.
"You were wrong, like Dale taking my gun when I had no intention of using it on myself. That wasn't your decision to make when it comes to that type of situation. Tea's the professional in this; she's the only one who should be handling this. Who's even capable of handling it. Beth has to choose to live on her own. She has to find her own reasons, just like Tea said."
"You want me to tie a noose for her?" Lori scoffed.
"If she's serious, she's going to find a way," Andrea retorted.
"Doesn't mean I can't stop her or let her know that I care," Lori said, clearly bored with the fight.
"Stoppin' ain' helpin', Lori, and assumin' how she's feelin' ain' showin' ya care. All it does is bring a false sense a satisfaction ta ya that ya 'helped 'er,'" Tea said with air quotes.
"Stopping her or caring doesn't even have anything to do with it, Lori," Andrea stated reasonably. "She only has so many choices in front of her, and she's starting to believe the best one is suicide."
"That's not an option."
"'Course it is," Tea said. "Ya know how many people opt ta use suicide ratha than get so old they don' rememba their kids? Ya know how many with cancer do? Or the victims a sexual assault? Do ya know how many people view it as viable just because they experienced a traumatic incident? I saw it all the damn time when I was tryin' ta assess people for trials! Ya a fuckin' idiot if ya think ya know more 'bout the way the mind and people work than me! Ya might get how emotions feel, but ya ain' shite when it comes ta undastandin' why! So let me fuckin' do my job ratha than bein' a pretentious bitch who goes around fuckin' everythin' up!"
"Pretentious," Lori chuckled in exasperation. "You've got no right to call me pretentious. Look at how you act! Everything you say you know-"
"Say I know?!" Tea hollered. "I don' pretend ta know nothin' but what I know! I ain' good at a shite ton a shite and I don' mind admittin' it, unlike ya! Ya jus' barge inta places ya don' got any business bein' in! Ya did it at the damn quarry with me, actin' like ya could be my momma and dictate who I got ta be 'round! Ya tried ta act like ya knew what was fuckin' edible or not and damn near poisoned the camp with the 'shrooms ya said were fine ta eat! If I hadn' slapped 'em out a Carl's hand, the boy could a died! But 'ere comes the fake goddess Lori actin' like she knows what's what! And now ya doin' it again! Goin' out a ya way ta make that liddle girl feel even worse than she already was! A moment's contemplation is not an act Lori!"
"So she needs a loaded gun, right?" the woman asked, making Tea scoff and turn around, seriously wanting to punch the doorframe of the walkway.
"She doesn't need to be yelled at or treated like a child," Andrea agreed, knowing that Tea was right in everything she'd said.
"Fuck's sake, Lori, do ya eva listen ta yaself? It ain' 'bout what you think she needs! It's what she actually needs that ya don' even wanna consida! That liddle girl needs psychological help, emotional help, professional help. Can ya give it? Are ya a damn psychologist?! Fuck nah! Ya jus' messed up every liddle thing I do ta help, so forgive me if I don' let ya go in there any time soon!"
"That's not your choice now, is it?" Lori spat back.
"I came through it," Andrea told the woman gently.
"And became such a productive member of the group," Lori chided. "Let Maggie handle this her way."
"I contribute. I help keep this place safe," Andrea told her.
"The men can handle this on their own," Lori told her with conviction. "They don't need your help."
"Are ya fuckin' kiddin' me right now?"
"The same goes for you."
"I'm sorry, but what would you have us do?" Andrea asked, feeling every bit as peeved as Tea was.
"Oh, there's plenty of work to go around," Lori started.
"Are you serious?" Andrea asked. "Everything falls apart, you're in my face over skipping laundry?"
"Puts a burden on the rest of us, on me and Carol and Patricia and Maggie," Lori sighed.
"Ya got plenty a men out there doin' nothin' that can help with ya domestic shite, Lori. Don' see ya up their asses for not helpin' out. There's six women, eight if ya count Beth and Phia, and seven men, eight if ya count Carl. That seems like plenty a damn help ta me! Everyone should contribute equally in everythin' so long as they can. Takin' watch, doin' the wash, cookin' the food, checkin' snares. What? Ya think ya can hide behind a man the entire time ya alive in the world as it is now? Ya think jus' 'cause we're women we got some right not ta get our hands dirty? Grow the fuck up, Lori! This ain' a fuckin' rom-dram with weak ass women needin' men ta rescue them and it sure as fuck ain' the damn fifties or sixties when women weren' even allowed ta work and only did house chores!"
"We've been cooking and cleaning and caring for Beth and you two, you don't care about anyone but yourselves."
"Ya fuckin' kiddin' me right now, bitch?!" Tea yelled again, pissed at the accusation and the fact that she and Maggie had been taking care of Beth; Lori had barely been in the girl's room since she'd gotten sick!
"You sit up on that RV, working on your tan with a shotgun in your lap," Lori told Andrea benomously before turning to Tea, "And you, you spend your days doing God knows what with Daryl. Can't imagine the two of you doing much of anything productive."
"I am on watch against walkers," Andrea shot back at the woman. "That is what matters, not fresh mint leaves in the lemonade."
"And we are providing stability," Lori cut her off. "We are trying to provide a life worth living."
"Are you kidding me?"
"Nah the fuck ya not, ya fuckin' doorknob! Daryl and I are providin' stability by huntin'. Ya providin' imagery. False hope that shite can stay the same in this day and age. And how dare ya fuckin' say I'm doin' gods know what with Daryl all day! I've been in this house more'n ya have since Beth went down! I've been makin' teas for Patricia ta help 'er sleep, Maggie so she wasn' so stressed, Beth jus' ta keep 'er strength up while she was unresponsive, and then so she don' need a constant sedative! And ya fuckin' know it 'cause I'm in 'ere every damn time ya deign ta come make an appearance, makin' the damn tea 'cause Beth don' like how ya make it 'cause ya don' pay attention ta the shite ya put in it! Yeah, I spend a lot a time with Daryl, and I get ya don' undastand what 'e is and what 'e means ta me. He's the first one ta make me feel safe, and it makes me antsy bein' away from 'im for too long 'cause a some shite that happened not too long ago. Yet, we're the ones who go huntin' and take down the walkas we find in the woods so we don' get too many close ta camp. We're the ones doin' the fuckin' work in the camp that requires actually keepin' the fuckin' camp safe! Rick don' seem ta mind how the fuck I do things, so why's it got ya panties in such a wad?" Tea asked crudely.
"Look, I went after Rick. I took down two walkers," Lori said, also getting out, "Don't act like you're the only ones who can take care of themselves."
"After crashing Maggie's car," Andrea spoke over her. "You ever apologize for that?"
"Crashing her?" Lori shook her head. "You're insane."
"No, ya are," Tea said. "Ya love callin' me crazy, sayin' I'm unstable, but ya can' even hear yaself. It's like talkin' ta a TV with ya; I can make any argument I want, use any kind a fuckin' logic, but I ain' changin' the damn bullshite dialogue any."
"You're the one that's self-centered," Andrea chimed in. "The way you take it all for granted."
"My husband is out there for the hundredth time. My son was shot. Don't you dare tell me that I take this for granted," Lori seethed, stepping up to the counter and leaning on it towards Andrea, looking like a caged cat.
"You don't get it, do you?" Andrea asked as she leaned in, cool as a cucumber; Tea briefly commended the blonde for that. She was losing her shit by now. "Your husband came back from the dead, your son too. And now you've got a baby on the way. The rest of us have piled up our losses, me, Tea, Beth, but you just keep on keeping on."
"What has Tea suffered?"
"How the fuck ya know what I've lost and what I've suffa'd? Ya eva once talk ta me otha than ta tell me what ta do or where the fuck ta go?! Ya don' shite 'bout me, Lori, nor a damn thing 'bout what I been through. Ya know what, here ya go, tell me I ain' suffa'd shite," Tea spat before lifting her shirt and turning around, showing both women her back, earning gasps of shock and surprise. "Yeah, maybe I ain' had many losses since the turn, but ya don' know shite 'bout the damn life I've lived through! I've paid the price ta be how I am and do what the fuck I want ta do, so fuck ya hard up the ass with a rusty wooden spoon! And ya think I'm the one that's thick as two short planks? Fuck ya, Lori. Fuck ya."
"We have all suffered," Lori argued.
"Ya haven' suffa'd, Lori. Ya've had ta go through a lot a shite like the rest a us, but ya ain' lost shite yet. Ya ain' been through the fuckin' ringa and came out alive with not a damn person helpin' ya do it."
"You've been playing house," Andrea just kept going with Tea's argument. "Acting like the queen bee, laying down rules for everyone but yourself. You know what? Go ahead. Go in there and tell that little girl that everything's gonna be okay, just like it is for you. She'll get a husband, a son, a baby, boyfriend. She just has to look on the bright side," she said sarcastically as she sighed and walked off.
"That girl up there, she needs help, Lori. Not a motha on a rampage thinkin' she knows what's best when she don'. Ya stay out a the fuckin' way when it comes ta Beth from now on and do 'xactly as I say. Othawise, the consequences are on ya and ya alone. I ain' gonna be held responsible for ya fuckin' up like ya jus' did. I ain' the one responsible for 'er death with what ya did," Tea told her, leaving the woman looking visibly shaken, throwing over her shoulder. "You will."
"I did what I needed to do," Lori said quietly, stopping Tea in her tracks and making her go into a rage all over again.
"Ain' what she fuckin' needed, Lori. Ya a selfish fuckin' bitch if ya think what ya need outweighs what she does!"
Neither of them realized the shouting upstairs had stopped until Maggie walked into the kitchen and looked at them both before turning to Tea, asking her, "Would you mind sittin' down with us so we could talk to you?"
"'Course, suga," Tea said, casting a sideways smirk at Lori when Maggie turned her back.
She followed the older sister back up to Beth's room to find the young girl sitting on the bed looking haggard. Tea knew that she needed to mediate between the two if they were going to fully reconcile and repair the damage they'd done to their relationship. It was still a touchy subject that she normally wouldn't touch upon this close to the thought let alone an argument like they'd just been in. To be fair, she was sure she shouldn't be doing stuff like being the intermediary between the sisters with how angry she was with Lori, but she took a deep breath to calm herself down before entering the room. The last thing she wanted was to be in the middle of another catastrophe like earlier let alone start one herself.
"So, who's sharin' first?" she said, trying to lighten the mood as she sat down in front of them.
"Mom would be ashamed to learn she'd raised such a coward," Maggie said.
"Mags, that ain' helpin' any. She don' need ta be made ta feel any worse than she already does."
"What about dad, Beth?" Maggie asked, bringing the topic back.
"He's clueless. He had us waitin' for a cure," Beth told her with a glare.
"He knows he was wrong."
"When has dad ever admitted he was wrong? He's tellin' Rick's group what they want to hear."
"Nah, I don' believe 'e is. If that were the case, 'e wouldn' a gone ta the bar, 'e would a jus' stayed 'ere and remained aloof," Tea told them comfortingly.
"And Jimmy?" Maggie asked her sister.
"We went out for three months and now I'm married to him?"
"And me?" Maggie said, obviously hurt. "You could do that to me? I can't take another funeral."
"You can't avoid it," Beth whispered with a sad smile.
"She is right 'bout that, Maggie. Ya gotta prepare yaself. Shite's gonna hit the fan long 'fore ya ready if ya ain' careful," Tea told her before turning to Beth. "Beth, can I ask ya a question that might be a bit uncomfortable ta answa?" When the teen nodded, she asked her, "Would ya roll ova and let a man take ya jus' 'cause 'e was big and tough?" Beth adamantly shook her head negatively, earning a small smile from Tea, "Then why would ya wanna roll ova and let life fuck ya jus' 'cause it got a little too big and tough for ya? 'Specially when ya got plenty a hands willin' ta help lighten the load. I'm goin' ta tell ya somethin' not even Daryl knows. I like ta say I'm eitha too weak or too strong for suicide," Tea told them, making both look at her.
"I had a shite life, shite family. Used ta think it'd be betta if I rolled ova and died. But then every time I tried, and there were a few times thanks ta my own sista, all with pills, I'd throw 'em up jus' as soon as I felt 'em start workin' 'cause I'd get scared and determined all at once. Scared ta die, determined ta live. So I'm eitha too strong ta die and too weak ta live, or too weak ta die and too strong ta live. Eitha way, I know I ain' givin' up." Both were watching her raptly now, as if she was saying something profound, when she was just oversharing again, trying to let them know she knew how it felt to have that urge, but at the end of the day never go through with it. "I got things ta live for now. Daryl, Sophia, the two a ya. I got a family that actually mattas ta me. That give me hope for a betta future. I dunno if that's enough a a thought for ya ta keep tryin' a while longa, but ya got family, Beth, ya ain' eva gonna be alone in this. Ya got people ta turn ta and shouldas ta cry on. Don' keep it all in, let 'em help," she told the girl.
"Is that what you're doin'?" Beth asked in a hushed voice.
"I'm tryin' ta," Tea answered honestly. "It's the first time I've really had someone ta rely on 'sides my friend Jesse, and we had a fallen out 'bout a year ago or so, and even that wasn' the same as havin' Daryl. Hell, he's basically forced me ta rely on 'im with dealin' with my emotions since 'e took what I used ta use ta stay in check. Now all I got is 'is help and 'is arms and 'is heartbeat. He's doin' 'is damnedest ta keep me above wata even though he prolly gets sick a it. But I got ta trust 'e'll be there when I need 'im. ta keep me calm and in control. Trust that othas will help ya do the same."
Since smothering the girl wasn't going to help the situation any, Tea offered to take a walk with Maggie to talk about everything. She explained to her that Beth had a moment of weakness that had resulted in a few thoughts of suicide, but Beth hadn't even done more than take a knife. All it'd taken was a few words and the girl was second guessing herself even before Lori had come in. Beth wasn't truly suicidal, it was just that the shock of everything had spiraled her into a depression that she hadn't been able to get out of by herself. Talking to Maggie and getting everything they'd been feeling out in the open had really helped to strengthen their bond and get Beth feeling better. Outside with Maggie, taking in the fresh air, they talked about a lot of things, including their men issues, Maggie finding out about the weed Daryl had destroyed. Tea told her that Glenn might be chicken not telling her how he felt, but he certainly was making a damn good show that he did. They went out into the orchard to get some more peaches for everyone, Tea complaining about how fruit shouldn't be fuzzy unless it's kiwi, which you weren't expected to eat the fuzzy part with. She had Maggie laughing with talking about things she hated and also the crazy combinations of food she liked while walking back to the farmhouse when Lori came running from the kitchen door like a bat out of hell straight towards them.
"Are you crazy?" Lori asked them.
"'Ccordin' ta ya," Tea quipped.
"What's wrong?" Maggie asked calmly.
"You left Beth alone!"
"So? Smotharin' the girl ain' goin' ta help 'er any," Tea told her.
"She wasn't in her room!"
"Have ya checked anywhere but 'er room? I don' know, maybe the fuckin' porch? Or 'er daddy's damn room for some a her momma's stuff? Or, hell, goin' on a walk 'erself like I suggested? Ya makin' a damn mountain out a a mole hill, ya fuckin' useless woman! I mean, seriously? Is there a brain in ya skull, or is it jus' a pocket a air? If I'm out 'ere while Beth's by 'erself, what does that tell ya?" Tea asked.
"I don't know, why don't you just tell me since you know so much," Lori stated condescendingly.
"It means I ain' worried 'bout 'er doin' anythin'! Ya don' know what the fuck ya doin' and we go in, guns blazin', actin' like we don' trust 'er, she's goin' ta think we don'! I told ya! I told you ta stay the fuck out a it when it comes ta Beth and I meant it."
"What's going on here?" Hershel asked as he walked up, having heard the fight.
"Oh, nothin'. Beth was havin' a moment earlia and Lori blew it outta proportion. Made it worse than it really was," Tea summed up to Hershel. "I had Mags come outside for some air ta give Beth 'er space and Lori came 'round ta us actin' up a fuss. All but insinuated somethin' bad had happened ta Beth."
"Now look, Beth was –" Lori started.
"That is not ya place, Lori!" Tea snapped at her. "Talk ta ya girls, Hershel. Let them tell ya themselves what happened. It's all good now, I promise. Jus' somethin ya need ta hear from 'em and not anyone else," she told him, though she glared at Lori in warning.
"I trust ya," Hershel told the petite woman. "Seems like once again you've helped my girls. I'm startin' to owe you many a thank you."
"Ya family, right? Family looks out for each otha," she told the man with a shrug before walking up to the porch, seeing Beth standing there.
"Thank you for trusting me, and letting me tell daddy," the girl said.
"Don' worry, sweet girl. Like I said, ya ain' in this alone."
She stayed at the house long enough to help Beth, Maggie, and Hershel to sort out whatever problems they had left before leaving to spend time with Daryl. He took her out into the woods to hunt for a while, though they didn't even really try, just ended up sitting against a tree for a while and enjoying just being in the woods together. By the time they got back, everyone was worried about the fact that Randall was back in the shed because he had known Maggie in school. They were thinking about whether or not they would kill him or let him become a part of their group and hope for the best. Tea suggested to let her talk to him and try to get some information out of him only for both Rick and Daryl to shut it down immediately. Neither of them wanted to let her into the shed alone and neither of them trusted Randall not to try to do something to her. Instead, they suggested that Daryl do it first only for her to ask them if they knew how to tell the truths from the lies when a person was trying to hide something. In the end, they all agreed that both Tea and Daryl would talk to the outsider, and from there they would decide his fate.
