Newly Revised

The Governor had taken Andrea back to his apartment after Michonne left to have a couple more drinks over which they talked about themselves. She learned about what he had been like before and the wife he'd had along with Penny, his daughter, while she'd told him a little about her old group. Nothing in particular, just the dynamics, like how one of their leaders had been a woman who had been able to think ten steps ahead to the point that she had saved a little girl lost in the woods all on her lonesome, taking on a large group of walkers in the process. Philip commented about how women could be just as good of leaders as men but it was rare to see women step up and take such power. Andrea had just laughed and said that there were no women quite like Tea, forgetting not to tell the man her old friend's name and hoping he didn't know anything about her through Chrystal or Merle. They left the apartment and walked hand in hand through the town until they made it to what looked like an emptied out factory. Everyone from the town was there and music was blaring while industrial lights lit the place and people filled the bleachers that had been placed there. Philip helped her up the bleachers and to the very top and center, apparently the best view in the house and the place he sat every time he came to this place. So many people were welcoming them with handshakes and back-claps and all the townsfolk were cheering for whatever was to come in the open space. She noticed how Milton sitting among the crowd yet didn't seem too thrilled about the whole situation where everyone else was pumped up and cheering.

"It's a little loud," she told Philip as they sat. "I don't feel-"

When the music cut out and newer music began, everyone started cheering louder, making it impossible to speak over the cacophony of noise. Philip stood and cheered even louder than everyone else as the lights clicked on full blast, showing a ring in the dirt and walkers on chains. Andrea was appalled. She watched as Martinez ran into the center and started play boxing with one of the walkers before the crowd really went nuts and chanting the name of the next contender. It did not surprise her one bit that Merle would take place in an event like this.

The man peacocked around, pointing to Martinez and telling the crowd, "I'm gonna kick his ass one-handed. Oh, the hell with that! No-handed!"

He proceeded to drop to the ground and do push-ups in quick succession using his stump. Andrea stood there stunned for a minute that Merle was that talented. He kept posturing to the crowd before the man acting as referee took his vest and stepped back while him and Martinez started circling each other. Andrea had to admit that she never once would have thought that Merle, the druggy asshole from the quarry, would be a decent fighter, let alone that strong. She did not expect him to be able to perform such a fast, high, and precise kick like he delivered to Martinez as soon as the fight started. He dominated the other man completely as they fought in the center of the ring with the walkers trying to bear down on them. Tea had beaten the man down once, then choked him out, making him seem like he was more bark than bit, but watching how he just shook Martinez's attempt off with a back hand and another kick showed otherwise. He was actually a rather impressive fighter and she couldn't tell if Tea had just gotten the drop on him or if she was stronger than she looked to take the man on head to head like she had.

"He's got nothin'!" Merle called out to the crowd as Martinez slowly climbed back to his feet, scrambling away from the walkers that were close to him. "Nothin', folks!"

As he was gloating, Martinez took the opportunity to land a jumping blow to Merle's back, causing the man to go down to his knees, the walkers reaching for them constantly. Andrea was watching with rapt attention, arms folded over herself, thinking about how wrong this was as Martinez had Merle in a headlock while pushing him towards a walker. Merle was more resourceful and smarter than he looked since he just used Martinez's own body as a sort of support to bring both legs up to push the walker away before he reared his head back. Headbutting Martinez in the jaw, Merle gave himself enough leeway to be able to flip the man over his back and onto the ground where he cartwheeled up to kick Merle in a rather impressive move that landed him on his feet. A whistled was sounded and the pair stopped fighting almost as if it were a legal boxing match or an MMA fight.

"Aww, come on!" Philip shouted beside her. "Let 'em fight!"

The referee loosened the chains that held the walkers, boxing the fighters in a tighter circle than the one they'd already been in. There was hardly room to move without being at the mercy of a walker's arms even as the things kept reaching out to them to take a bite. The two of them stood next to each other as the walkers got closer and Andrea held her breath realizing why Milton did not enjoy any of this activity. The man wasn't very brave nor confrontational as far as Andrea could see; he was quite the pushover when it came to the Governor and his fighters. Milton's prime reason for being in Woodbury mostly had to do with writing down the stories of the people who came into the town and researching the walkers for a sign of anything still human.

"Come on, pretty boy," Merle goaded as he pulled on Martinez. "Let's dance!"

With that he threw the shorter man into a walker, which held onto him and pinned him with one arm with its hand as the man held the walker's face away from him. Merle took the opportunity to kick Martinez in the chest before punching the walker away and letting the man fall. Andrea had enough; this was absolutely sick and appalling and now she was beginning to understand what Michonne had seen about this place. She stood up to leave, completely disgusted by the behavior of the townspeople that were enjoying such a vulgar display of violence. Philip grabbed her arm, though, stopping her in the middle of her step down the bleachers and started talking to her.

"Hey, hey! Where you going?"

"What the hell is this?" she demanded.

"It's a way to blow off steam," he said as if that made everything okay.

"Blow off steam?" she scolded. "You go for a jog to blow off steam. This is- This is sick."

Philip looked offended, "Well, look around. Everyone's having a great time."

"It's barbaric," she said.

"Come here," Philip said as he pulled her down to sit. "It's staged," he told her quietly while chuckling. "Yeah, we pull out the biter's teeth. It's just all for show."

Apparently, he didn't realize that Andrea could see herself that while some of the walkers had plenty of blood on their mouths, but others still had plenty of teeth that everyone could see. Either he thought she was gullible or that she was blind to tell her such a lie straight to her face. Probably both, she thought to herself, wondering why in the world she trusted this man over Michonne. Then again, it wasn't as if the major part of the population wasn't bothered by the grotesque display and they didn't even seem to care about the walkers grabbing at the men. She couldn't believe that this was the big event that everyone had been looking forward what to when everyone had seemed so happy and innocent during the day. Andrea looked around while Philip was still holding onto her and saw that literally only Milton and her were bothered by what they were watching. She couldn't help but look at the Governor with the disgust she was feeling showing plainly on her face.

"That's crazy," she told him. "This is your reason for keeping walkers around?"

"People need entertainment."

"So your solution is gladiator fights?"

"We're reducing these things. We're controlling them," he tried to reason. "We're shinin' a light on the monster under the bed. It's fun. It makes people feel better about the whole thing."

"It's a slippery slope," she countered. "You're teaching them that walkers aren't dangerous."

"We're teaching them not to be afraid," he said with a look of anger and confusion.

Andrea just turned away as Merle flipped over Martinez's back while the man was on all fours, taking out a walker behind him before slamming his fist into the back of Martinez's head. Merle flipped the man over and checked to see if he was awake only to see the man was unable to do anything more than lay there panting heavily. Merle started counting in Spanish until the crowd cheered as tres was called out and Merle was announced the winner, many of the community congratulating the man on successfully beating Martinez. Andrea stayed sitting, unsure of what she was going to do now that she had abandoned Michonne and was stuck in Woodbury without a way to figure out what was really going on. She went back to her apartment and stayed there for the night before going for a walk through the streets of Woodbury with a new set of eyes in the morning. The people here all seemed so ordinary, the kids playing eenie, meanie, minie, moe as they went along with their day, the people working on the food growing or simply taking a stroll like her. It was hard to believe that just the night before, they'd been a hollering mess at the walker fights and hardly civilized, even if it had given her a new light on what Merle was capable of.

"You know you can join in," Philip said from behind her, making her jump as she hadn't heard him walk up. "They don't bite. Kinda the whole idea of the place."

Andrea considered him for a moment before saying, "Seems like you also encourage people to punch each other in the face. The arena."

"Didn't like that so much," he mused.

"No, not so much. I mean, I get the fighting; wrestling and boxing have always been around. But the walkers?" she left her statement hanging open before saying, "Listen, I gotta ask you something."

"No," he told her without even letting her ask.

"Okay," she said with a scoff and a roll of her eyes as she walked away.

"Hold on. How do you get it?" Philip asked her.

"I'm not gonna tell you how to run your town," she said as she walked off.

"This is our town," he insisted. "You stayed. You're part of this now, so tell me."

She sighed and turned around, still not entirely sure what to think of the man after last night before answering him, "If it's an escape, I don't think it's being managed the right way. I saw the teeth on some of those walkers. One scratch is enough to turn you, and those men were in the walker's clutches. It's too dangerous and it's more brutal than it needs to be. I think the world's brutal enough already."

"It really bothered you, huh?"

"I do want to be here, but I won't be participating in any of those events again," she told him.

"So, what were you saying before I made you condemn our sadistic way of life?" he asked, changing the subject.

"I want to contribute," she told him. "Everyone else does."

"Well, Robbie could use some help in food distri-" Philip began, but was quickly cut off by Andrea.

"I want to work the wall. I'm a good shot. I wanna stay that way."

"Can you use a bow?"

"I can learn," Andrea said, thinking about how easy Tea had made it seem when she came back to camp with her crossbow.

"Well, I can get somebody to teach you," Philip said with a smile of which Andrea returned with her own.

Andrea was sitting on the wall on watch even though there was no sign of walkers and the street they were looking out at was completely empty aside from some obviously abandoned cars. The person Philip had teaching her, Halley, had apparently been some kind of prodigy with the bow and liked to brag about it. She had been bragging a lot about her accomplishments since the turn and was just generally trying to impress Andrea with what she had done both before and after. It was actually rather bored sitting there with the girl who seemed just a little too arrogant for her age considering she was literally just a teenager. Andrea began to worry about the town even more when the people on the walls were either paramilitary tough guys or people who thought too highly of themselves. She couldn't imagine what would happen if there was an actual attack on Woodbury and whether or not the people would actually be able to fend for themselves. One thing that Shane had done right before he became crazy was make sure everyone in their group knew how to shoot; well, everyone but Carol who hadn't bothered to come to target practice. Even the farmer's youngest daughter had learned how to shoot and she doubted that Tea had left it at just that if she had made it off the farm with the others and they'd all been able to meet up. Andrea knew that the woman had been very adamant about making sure the people were taken care of and she had the ability to back it up without bragging about what she could do. Unlike Halley, who was still trying to prove herself to Andrea, the only time Tea even had brought up her talents were when her professional help was needed; she'd proven just how capable of a fighter she was several times without even talking about it.

"When the Gov tells me to do something, I do it," the girl told her. "I figure we can start tomorrow. There's a training area, some hay bales. There's even a bow you can use. It was my old one."

"You must be pretty good," Andrea commented, trying to sound like she had been listening to Halley.

"Yeah," Halley bragged. "My dad taught me. He used to take me hunting. He wanted me to be in the Olympics. This one was his," she said, holding up the bow in her hands. "It costs more than my car. It's...awesome. I totally killed him for it," she said with a chuckle, turning solemn as she looked back out towards the road.

"That wasn't why you killed him," Andrea said confidently.

"No," she admitted. "My dad wasn't himself, and my brother wasn't either."

"I had to kill my sister," Andrea said.

"Sucks, right?" the girl said.

"Yeah," Andrea agreed as they shared a look and a moment of silence until movement caught Andrea's eye. "Walker."

They both stood up, but the girl said, "Cool, watch this," as she knocked her bow.

The girl managed to knock her bow, but with how often Daryl had gotten a head-shot with his against the walkers, Halley was rather unimpressive as her arrow hit the walker in the neck and broke. The girl struggled to knock the next arrow, firing it straight over the walker's head onto the street behind it and plain out of sight. It had taken her even longer to get the next arrow ready and Andrea decided she was done trying to watch the girl take out a single walker without success. Even as Halley told her the rules about going over the wall, Andrea jumped over it and pulled out her knife. She jumped over the wall and pulled her knife out as she stormed up to the thing before body checking it and making it fall, jamming the sharp weapon right through its skull. She straightened up and looked over to the girl on the wall, smiling widely at having taken the walker out with little to no issues while Halley hadn't been able to land a shot herself.

"What the hell was that?!"

"That is how it's done," Andrea said.

"I said I could do it. What is wrong with you? This isn't a game!"

All Andrea could think of was that Tea would be chewing this child out right now. She was the one who had been playing at being some great bowman and yet had missed on two tries and broke two arrows in the process. Andrea just stood there for a moment staring at the girl in disbelief before huffing and looking down with a shake of her head. There would be no winning with some people, and this girl was one of them not only because she thought so highly of herself, but also because Andrea had probably shown her up. It was actually somewhat sad that they had Halley on the wall when she really wasn't that good of a shot and yet thought she was the bees knees. Shane had become as self-assured like the girl and it had only led to his downfall and had winded up getting the man dead. Andrea sighed before heading back to the wall and climbing up it, proving just how easy it would be for someone else to do it, only for Halley to go running off to the Governor and get her in trouble.

~x~

After the fights that night, Merle went for drinks with the guys, happy as could be at winning his match until Crowley waltzed in with Chrystal on his arm. It was just his good luck that it wasn't just the inner circle of guys; there were other citizens around and he could easily duck out before all of them did to avoid the stories she would tell, but he knew he wouldn't. Merle had to be a glutton for punishment since he always stayed and listened to the horror stories, engraving each and every one into his mind, even though he didn't have to. He wanted to know what the bitch had done to her little sister simply because it reminded him that he'd had it easy compared to someone else and that it didn't matter someone's upbringing. Unlike him going into the army, Titania had managed to finish high school and go to college young in order to escape her life. Merle, on the other hand, had barely even made it to the eighth grade before he ended up in juvie for the first time. Daryl hadn't been able to go past tenth grade thanks to their home life and how Will Dixon had been when he was home rather than out with some floozy. Drink after drink until he could hardly feel his face, he watched as the citizens left until the only ones still around were the scavengers, the Governor waltzing in as they did.

As expected, Crowley called for one of Chrystal's stories and the girl didn't bat an eye as she started talking about what she'd done to the girl Merle wished he could meet. Tonight it was how they'd pushed the girl down three flights of stairs and then had chased her out of the house without a shirt on. She'd been walking funny from a dislocated hip, the way she held herself and walked being acted out by Chrystal before a round of laughter sounded. The girl couldn't have been more than eight at the time according to Chrystal and the tales didn't stop at that one story. Chrystal told them how her parents broken the girl's left arm when she was five to keep her from playing in a violin competition Chrystal was playing in too. They starved the girl for a week locked in a broom closet in the basement when she was seven, only providing her with a single cup of water and slice of bread daily. That one her family had done just to see how long the girl could go before she passed out from starvation and dehydration; Titania had somehow made it out just fine and even managed to walk out of the room much to Chrystal's dismay. The girl had been forced to keep her ribs wrapped all throughout school because they made sure she had at least one broken at all times just to make it harder for the girl to breath. Hell, the way Chrystal told it, there hadn't been a single bone in that girl's body that her family hadn't broken at some point, never bothering to take her to the hospital and forcing her to treat herself. Titania Marie Parker, wherever the hell you are, ya one tough bitch, he thought to himself as he stumbled into his apartment when the 'festivities' ended.

When morning rolled around, he pulled himself out of his bed and ran a hand over his face to try to get his brain to wake up and get out of the state drinking had left him in. He had orders to take Crowley, Tim, and Neil out with him to hunt down that Michonne woman with orders to bring back her head and her sword. He only wanted to take the sword from the bitch but if one of the others got her it would take the choice out of the way for him and he could return with a clear conscience. It wouldn't be such a bad thing if one of the others did get her since if they went back empty handed there would be problems with the Governor. At least Andrea was still in Woodbury; he planned on having a little chat with Blondie about Titania when he got back and at least warn her once again to keep her mouth shut when it came to the girl. As they left Woodbury with minimal gear, Merle headed off in the direction the woman had yesterday, quickly picking up her tracks. It couldn't have been more than mid-morning that they stumbled across a small clearing in the bush that was the oddest thing the man had ever seen and had no idea what to make of it.

"What the hell is this mess?" Merle asked, looking at the severed arms and legs of the walker's torso laying next to it.

"She did this," Crowley said.

"It means something," Merle observed, "the way it's all set up like that."

"The Governor was right to send us out," Tim replied.

"Damn straight, Tim," Merle replied, knowing he had to play his cards right in order to stay alive himself. "We're doin' a righteous public service here."

There was no love lost between Merle, Crowley, and Tim thanks to how liked to listen to Chrystal's tales, Crowley especially taking glee from what they'd done to a tiny kid. Tim normally only paid attention during the more indecent parts of the psycho bitch's tales, and that set even worse with Merle than just the physical abuse the girl had endured. How she'd managed to make it out alive and still as innocent as a kid could be was beyond him and it was seemingly the only thing Chrystal was angry about. The new kid they had with them wasn't all that bad, even if his last name was crazy as hell and he could barely take on walkers without puking. Hell, Merle had stood up for him and taken the boy out on a couple runs himself since he reminded him of lanky, teenage Daryl, albeit less capable than his brother.

"Go back," speak of the devil, said kid spoke up.

"What?" Tim asked.

"The arms are a G. The legs make an O. And that's a back. It says go back."

Merle chuckled at the ingenuity of the woman he was hunting, "This is too good. Look at this. She sent us a biter-gram, y'all."

"I don't believe this is happening," the new kid said, setting Merle off.

"Hey, hey!" he said, stalking up to the kid and grabbing him by the collar; the kid couldn't be this much of a pussy if he was going to be a part of the research team let alone make it in this world. "You knock it off. What the hell's wrong with you? Now, the Governor chose you 'cause he thought you were ready. I want you to succeed, I do. But if you keep announcing to the world that you're pissin' your pants, I'm gonna have to smash your teeth in." He gave the boy a couple good pats on the shoulder to calm him down. "Now, how do you say your last name again?"

"Gargulio," he replied.

"Well," Merle thought for a second before tapping his shoulder again, "I'm gonna keep calling you Neil. Alright?"

Rustling in the trees brought everyone to high alert and had Merle raising his gun while he looked around without any sign of any movement. They had all their angles covered but one wrong move was all it would take for the four of them to be in big trouble, whether with walkers or someone else. It had been a while since they'd actually seen anyone new in the world aside from Andrea and Michonne and half the people they did find the Governor had killed. Anyone that left Woodbury without the intention of coming back was hunted down and killed in order to keep the town from being discovered by others. If the person looked somewhat dangerous and refused to join their number on the research team, they would somehow wind up in the medical rooms only to be killed quietly. Andrea was lucky she reminded the Governor of his late wife and had decided to stay, otherwise her head would be on the chopping block too and Merle wouldn't be able to get anything out of her.

"What's the deal, Michonne? Hmm?" he called out, trying to warn her of her odds. "You gonna leap outta the woods, one against four, all of us armed to the teeth and you with just your little pig-sticker? No, no, no Michonne."

The last thing he expected was the warrior woman to drop out from a tree and chopped Tim's head off before gutting Crowley in two smooth moves. Neil had his gun out and was wildly taking fire as the woman ran through the trees like Rambo while Merle didn't even bother taking aim. Now that the people who honestly followed the Governor without thought were taken care of, he didn't need to bother doing too much other than concentrating on getting that blade. That didn't stop Neil from firing at the woman and managing to nick her thigh as she tried to get away and Neil looked like he was about to puke from Crowley and Tim's bodies on the ground. He was bent over looking white as a sheet about to puke and the whole thing made Merle roll his eyes so hard and storm up to him, forcing to straighten as Merle shook him and kept a hold of his shirt.

"The fuck you firin' at boy?" he asked Neil. "We're close to the red zone. Them shots just pulled every biter in this area our way. Now, we gotta get outta here before shit goes down. I don't want you to die out here, ya hear me amigo? Now come on, let's go!" When the man recovered from his bout of nausea, Merle told him, "Now, you know. We don't ever let one of our own turn. Never," he said before putting his blade through Crowley's head, happy the sick fuck was gone.

He watched, waiting in expectation, as Neil got the right idea and started about the task at hand, even though he almost puked while doing it. The boy shoved a knife through Tim's severed skull to make sure it didn't turn into a walker before he stood up and looked over to Merle. Merle really didn't want to keep looking for the woman but if he didn't return with that damn sword, he would have to deal with the Governor's temper himself. He would have to come up with one hell of a story to get out of having to deal with the man's rage and even Neil would suffer if they couldn't complete their task. They were heading straight for the red zone, an area that was too dangerous for many of the citizens of Woodbury due to how many walkers roamed around there, and hopefully that would help them accomplish their task. Right now, though, all he could do was go over to the young man and encourage him to keep pushing on with a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, let's go," he told him. "She ain't runnin', she's huntin'. So are we. There we go," he said as the boy got to his feet.

They ran though the forest as quickly and silently as possible as it was getting to be evening and Merle was getting tired of chasing someone he didn't even want to. He wasn't exactly trying very hard to find the almost non-existent trail the woman had left behind so it was only the crunch of leaves behind him that gave him any indication of Michonne's presence. He swung around just in time to push Neil out of the way of a swing of her sword, though not fast enough to help him avoid getting slashed across the chest. Merle used his own blade to block a second swing of hers, bring it down and around until the woman was disarmed and pushed her on her back. He went after the sword, then, but had barely been able to start bending towards it when Michonne's well placed kick met his hip joint from the front, causing him to lose his balance and fall on her, which only made her struggle more.

His eye sight was blurry from taking a rock to the nose when he'd fallen on her, but he could hear the growling of walkers just fine beginning to bear down on them. One of the walkers was on him and he could see another on her, and yet another stumbling along behind. He wasn't sure how many there were in total, but his lack of ground and blurred vision made him a sitting duck. Merle was struggling with the one that had reached him and was bearing down on him, trying to get a bite even as Merle shoved his blade into the thing only to get it stuck in its neck. Thank God for Neil, as the boy came up and slammed his machete into the thing's skull while Merle sat up and quickly grabbed the last walker only to shove his own blade through the eye socket. Michonne was nowhere to be found when he looked up and the sword he was nearly able to get away from the woman as he stood up and looked around.

~x~

Tea found out about Carol's grave the second time she'd gotten up to feed and change the baby only to go out before the sun came up to destroy it. Sophia had watched her with tears in her eyes while Tea tore the thing all to hell even though there wasn't much other than breaking the cross and throwing the stones they'd use for her name as far as she could. The entire time she had been reassuring the little girl that they were going to find her mother and there was no way she had died. She believe it so much so that she was planning a search and rescue mission as soon as she got back inside after she found a map of the prison and had traced the trail she'd gone and the most likely way Carol could have gone. She'd planned even planned out where they might be able to get more supplies for Little Lady. Daryl, on the other hand, had uncharacteristically stayed out of her way and remain silent as she fumed and swore to Sophia they would find her mother come hell or high water.

Tea knew Daryl was having problems keeping the hope alive for Carol due to how many they'd lost and also still having problems coming to terms with their own scare. The problem was she didn't know how to help him through it without making him angry all over again if she said the wrong words. As they lay back in bed watching the first morning sunbeams peak through the bars of the windows, she did the only thing she could do at the moment. She was on her back with his head on her chest, ear to her heartbeat, arms and legs wrapped around her and holding her as tight as he could. Carl wasn't much older than he had been when he'd lost his mom, and the reminder of his loss was hitting him harder because of the disappearance of Carol. She ran her hand through his hair and down his cheek, stroking the stubble on his chin tenderly before he unwrapped one arm and caught her hand, bringing her palm to his lips before tucking her hand under his chin in his hold. It was almost like he was trying to use her like a teddy bear, and while she was a little antsy to get out from under him, this was the only thing she could offer him right now. Daryl rarely took solace in her arms like he was now and preferred to just hold her most of the times he was stressed mostly because he hated looking and feeling weak to other people. The first time he'd let her hold him like this had been after the Randall interrogation and he'd subsequently had nightmares about his own childhood, the second had been over the winter after she'd almost died and he had been having problems sleeping because of it. This was only the third time he had let her comfort him in the same way he tended to comfort her or help her through her own problems. The only problem Tea really had was that he was putting her leg to sleep with how it was pinned under him, making her start to move to try to make it feel better only for him to hold her tighter.

"Don't leave," came his broken voice as he nestled closer into her chest.

"Not leavin', jus' need ta move," she said. "Know ya need this, so I'm not goin' anywhere. But ya mind shiftin' ya weight a bit so I can get my leg out? It's startin' ta cramp."

She felt him huff against her but instead of shifting he rolled over onto his back, pulling her with him, momentarily suffocating himself with her breasts. He shuffled up to where she was laying on the pillow while he pulled her down and across him making her lay with her head on his shoulder. Daryl used one arm as a pillow while the other was wrapped around her, his fingers tracing his name over her scars as her body lay on top of his. Tea sighed into his chest as he just stared up at the bottom of the top bunk thinking about how she could have gotten them. He'd wanted to know for a long time what those scars meant but Tea had somehow either deflected to something else or she would ask him for time rather than answering.

"Where'd you get 'em?" he asked her for the hundredth time, voice barely above a whisper.

Tea knew that she couldn't keep it a secret forever, but she just couldn't tell him now after all their losses, so replied, "One day, D. I'll be able ta tell ya everythin' in one day. But that one, it's jus' too hard."

"You seen mine."

"And ya told me 'bout as much 'bout it as I have most a my otha scars," she told him, looking up at his chin as he stared at the bed above him. "Daryl," she said, sitting up and straddling him, forcing him to look at her. "Ya get me like no one else has eva even tried ta, and only the gods know why ya don' care 'bout all my scars. I know I ain' told ya 'bout 'em all. I know I ain' told ya any a the darka stuff that happened like ya want me ta. It scares me ta even think 'bout it. I don' want ta lose ya when I tell ya. I don' want ta lose what I have right now," it was her turn to fight back tears. "I'm bein' selfish again, I know it. But I'm askin' ya ta give me a liddle while longa. I can only think 'bout the past so much, and a lot I keep in a box I don' eva want ta open. Talkin' 'bout those scars, that's openin' that box."

He looked away from her, not wanting to see the raw emotion in her eyes as she talked to him about the scars yet again. It was just too much for him to handle as she asked him to wait for her when he'd been waiting for almost a year already. She'd told him what the tallies were, she'd told him about some of the scars she got from almost being stabbed, but the damn letters were still a complete mystery to him. Daryl knew he was being just as selfish wanting to know what they were as she was asking him for time but at the same time he was getting angry that she wouldn't tell him. It was frustrating thinking she didn't trust him enough to tell him what had happened for her to have letters engraved into her skin and he wasn't sure she'd ever tell him. She could be open about her past at times, giving him little details of the things she'd gone through without having to say exactly what it was, but it wasn't enough. He wanted to know everything she had been forced into, every time she was hurt, everything that those bastards had ever done to her so that he knew exactly what to do to them if he ever found her parents. Daryl wanted to make them pay for what they done to his wife yet she refused to give him answers every time he tried asking about it.

"Daryl, look at me," she told him, waiting for his baby blues to meet her emerald green eyes. "Those scars were the bane a my existence, and ya got ta know that I will tell ya some day. I know I'm askin' a lot a ya, and I don' want ya ta think I don' trust ya. I jus'...I'm still scared they'll come back," she scoffed, looking down and shaking her head before looking back up at him, putting a hand on his cheek. "Ya need ta know, though, ya make it betta, make it easia. Ya made havin' 'em betta, the burden a bearin' 'em lighta. I hated my body, hated everythin' 'bout me 'til ya came along and picked up all the little pieces and put 'em back tagetha. I can' tell ya yet how I got 'em, but damn if ya didn' make havin' 'em okay. Ya need ta know feelin' ya draw ya name ova 'em is as relaxin' for me as it is for ya anymore. I love ya, Daryl Dixon. Ya are my world and I don' know what the hell I'd do without ya."

He damn near had tears coming out of his eyes as he listened to her words and realized that he was just pushing her to feel better himself about what she'd gone through, what he'd gone through. I'm such a fuckin' pussy, he thought as he covered his eyes with his arm to keep her from seeing him almost crying. She thought he made her better, thought that he'd put her back together after everything they'd been through and every time he had blamed her for how she acted. Those scars had been tearing at him since he first saw them, wondering just what the hell they could stand for, and it always hurt when she told him she couldn't tell him. Now, that pain was completely overtaken by a warm glow of pride and joy that he was doing something right for her, something right by her. He hadn't even realized that she felt that way and believed that he was the one who was helping her and making her feel better in her skin. Daryl had always felt like he couldn't do anything right for her when she was upset and yet she could use her words to give him the exact reassurance he needed.

"Fuck, Ania, you know I love you," Daryl said, refusing to move his arm away from his face. "I don't even know what the hell you see in me. I'm always gettin' angry at you for shit like this and then you go and say somethin' like that. How the hell am I helpin' you, girl? You're the one always givin' me what I need and I'm just takin' and takin' and takin' and ya always give. It ain't right and I don't feel like I'm doin' enough for you."

"Feelin's mutual, D. Feelin's mutual," she said as she leaned down, removing his arms from his eyes and putting her forehead against his. "I feel the same damn way, like I'm always askin' ya ta wait, like I'm always the one makin' ya question everythin' 'cause a my mind. I know ya need the reassurances, and I like givin' 'em. I need ta get 'em jus' as much and ya always doin' somethin' ta make me betta. Ya always touchin' me, holdin' me, givin' me everythin' I need, even if it pisses ya off or is 'cause I pissed ya off. I don' think we'll eva feel good 'nough for each otha, but I ain' fuckin' goin' on without ya. If ya go, I go."

"Don't say that," he told her, knowing exactly what she was meaning while his eyes snapped to hers.

They remained bright and clear as she repeated, "If ya go, I go."

~x~

Rick walked into the cell block, asking if everyone was alright as everyone was eating the next morning before they all headed off to either search for Carol or search for formula and clothes for the baby. Tea was sitting two steps down from Daryl as she ate and leaned on his leg while everyone else other than Oscar was sitting at the table as they watched him walk in. Rick had cleaned up and changed before entering the commons, for which she was very thankful, but she became concerned when he wouldn't even acknowledge the baby cradled in Hershel's arms. The last thing Carl needed right now was to see his dad bloodied up beyond belief with walker blood, but Little Lady needed her father to stop pretending she didn't exist. As Hershel asked him if he was okay, Tea took a critical look at the man while beginning to study is behavior and make a quick conclusion as to what was going on with Rick.

"I cleared out the boiler block," Rick told them.

"How many were there?" Daryl asked, nudging Tea with his knee; he saw it too, the fact that Rick wasn't all there.

"I don't know. A dozen, two dozen," he sighed. "I have to get back. Just wanted to check on Carl."

"Ya have a baby too, Rick," Tea called out, but he didn't even bat an eye at her words.

"Rick, we can handle taking out the bodies," Glenn told him. "You don't have to."

"No, I do," Rick said as he walked up to Tea. "Does everyone have a gun and a knife?"

"Nah, I came up with that system not ta enforce it," Tea said with a roll of her eyes.

"We're runnin' low on ammo, though," Daryl told him as he watched the man stare at Tea blankly.

"Maggie and me are going to make a run this afternoon. Tea helped us find a few spots we might be able to get ammo and baby food," Glenn said.

"Don' thank me, thank that damn phone book," Tea input.

"We cleared out the generator room," Daryl told Rick. "Got Axel in there tryin' to fix it in case of emergency."

"Goin' ta go sweep the lowa levels lata," Tea added. "See if we can' find Carol."

"Good," Rick said, as if he had any say in what was happening, before walking away and leaving the cell block with a final, "Good."

"Rick!" Hershel tried.

"I got 'im, Hershel," Tea said as she went to stand.

Daryl stopped her and pulled her down for a kiss before he let her go, Tea walking over to Hershel to check on Little Lady again, refusing to call the baby Daryl's name for her. The girl was sleeping soundly in the elder's arms and was told she was still dry from the last time she was changed as well as the fact that she had been fed just before Tea and Daryl had come in. She was doing well and was as healthy as a baby could be for having been born late and also being born breach, in a sense. Maggie had told her how she had only been able to get a leg before pulling the babe out and pressed on her chest to get her to breath and cry. Tea hand commended her efforts and how fast her actions had been to help save Little Lady and how well she had been able to pull herself together after such a traumatic event. It was with one last kiss to Daryl that she headed out of the cell block and down into the tombs after asking Maggie where Lori had died. With how Rick was acting, it was the only logical conclusion as to where he might be and the reason he had actually cleaned up and sure enough, she could hear him talking after a little while. It must have been an old workroom for the inmates with how it was set up, perhaps a storage room of some kind, but the only thing that mattered in it was the man sitting on the stool looking defeated.

"Mind some company?" she asked him, leaning against a desk when he nodded. "Ya know, I'm here if ya wanna talk."

"Yeah, I know," he answered, looking down as he realized why she was here. "Thought it was safe."

"It was and is enough," she told him.

"Not enough! It wasn't enough!" he yelled.

"Rick, that ain' what this is really 'bout, is it?" she looked at him with a knowing gaze, and his fell in complete shame. "Ya blame yaself, don' ya?"

"If I'd have just killed Andrew, made sure he was dead instead a lockin' him out," he cried, "she might've...she wouldn't be..."

"Ya don' know whetha or not she would a lived or died, Rick. None a us get that luxury," she told him gently. "Lori could a still died durin' childbirth whetha or not Andrew was involved. Ya can' blame yaself for 'er death."

"And T-Dog? Carol?"

"T-Dog's more my fault than ya's. I'm the one that turned my back on 'im, and that's what got 'im eaten up. Carol's comin' back ta us, ya hear? She ain' dead, jus' missin', like me and Phia were once upon a time. We'll find her," Tea insisted.

"I got a call," he said, sounding hopeful even as his voice broke.

"Communication's been down for a long time, Rick. Ain' no way ya got a call," Tea told him.

"Someone called."

"Rick," Tea said in her serious voice. "Ya didn' get a call. Ya mind is playin' with ya 'cause a the stress a losin' Lori. It's a brief psychotic disorda, in ya case, psychotic depression, I'm pretty damn sure. But it ain' nah call ya gettin' but a hallucination a what ya wishin' for."

"No," Rick said. "I, huh-huh, I got a call, Tea, I got a call."

"Nah, Rick, ya didn'," she insisted, knowing she was pushing him to where he needed to be to get back on track, forcing him to face reality.

"You weren't here!" Rick yelled at her, taking a step towards her in pure anger which made her school her face and force herself to tense up so she didn't flinch before finishing what she came to do.

"I didn' need ta be. Rick, there's nah dial tone, nah 'lectricity. There was nah call," she said, holding up the phone to show that there wasn't even connected to a power line. "I'm sorry, hun, but there was nah call."

"No," he said as he chocked back a sob.

"It's the truth, Rick. Ya have ta accept it," she told the man as she entered his personal space.

He damn near fell again like he had after he found out about Lori's death and if it weren't for Tea standing there to catch him he would probably have hit his head on the table. She brought him down to the ground with her in a safer manner and cradled him much like she had Carl as he sobbed and held onto her like a child. She rocked him as she listened to him cry about how he had just wanted to find somewhere safe and only then did he feel like he could make things right with Lori. He had tried his hardest to make sure he kept her safe, kept Carl safe, take care of her and make sure the baby was born safe and sound. Rick cried for a long time in her arms as she held him and rubbed his back, even though her own anxiety at feeling trapped by the man clinging onto her on top of listening to him cry. When he was finally done and he was able to pull himself together and let go of Tea, his eyes were clearer than they had been in a long time even though he looked physically and mentally exhausted.

"Let's get ya back ta the cells and some rest, yeah?"