Once again, I apologize for the late posting...I have been helping work on house renovations and then I got into a pretty crazy car accident. Don't worry, everyone is fine; car got totaled, but we walked away with minor scrapes, scratches, and bruises. Thank you for the comments and I hope you enjoy this chapter. It was originally supposed to be longer, but, like I said, lots happened. Thank you all again!
Ani was pacing around the small room she and Daryl had laid claim to the week before when they had arrived at the Sanctuary. Even though they had tried to refuse, Rick had practically forced the Dixons to take up a leadership position at the 'new community' to help bring it back from the trauma Negan had put it through. Ani completely understood where the man was coming from and had already begun helping some of the women forced to become Negan's wife through their time with the man, but she wasn't happy about it. Every time she closed her eyes, she was back on the ground floor, Tom underneath her with his face bashed in or back in the courtyard watching Daryl getting beat. She didn't even want to try to sleep unless she was touching him anymore just to make sure he was with her. She was constantly afraid of waking up to find out it was all just a dream and she was back in that room with the red door. And she wasn't the only one having nightmares; Daryl was having his own problems sleeping for the same reasons. He was always having nightmares about his time there, how he'd been beaten, the thought of her being taken by Negan or being made one of his wives, her parents managing to get her back and kill their baby. They had barely been able to leave a room without the other in tow and, when they did, they were always within sight of each other. Not even Merle would say anything about it, though, given that they had their own trauma to deal with at the hands of Negan.
"Hey," Daryl's sleepy voice sounded behind her. "Can't sleep?"
"I hate it 'ere. And I don' want ta go back ta Alexandria, eitha. I jus' want ta run away from it all," Ani admitted. "I want our home back. I hate Rick for makin' us come 'ere."
"I know, baby girl," he told her, his arms wrapping around her from the back, sighing as her hands came up to hold them. "I'm sorry for bringin' you here."
"Ain' ya fault, and if ya think I was goin' ta let ya come 'ere by yaself, ya a stupid fuckin' prick," she chuckled while leaning against him. "It jus' sucks. Why are we the ones who got ta uproot everythin'? Why are we the ones that have ta come 'ere? Afta everythin', everythin', we went through 'ere, why the fuck did 'e want us ta take ova?"
"'Cause you already had Simon and Laura's ear. Thought it'd be easier to get people on our side."
"Yet we've got people constantly comparin' shite ta Negan's reign. Most a the soldiers are pissed that they're havin' ta do the work the workas used ta have ta do alone. Most a the workas haven' forgiven the worst a the soldiers and are barely on speakin' terms with the rest. We've been 'ere a week, it's been a little ova two since the end a the war. I'm tryin' ta talk ta people, but some a 'em jus' don' want ta talk ta me, some can' 'cause it's too hard still, and the ones that do aren' ready ta listen ta my advice or really try ta work through things. It sucks. It's stressful. I could a helped 'em without livin' 'ere. We both could a. Merle had already told 'im 'e'd come 'ere ta get it set up, so why do we got ta be 'ere?"
Daryl sighed against her hair and remained silent, knowing that she had tears streaming down her cheeks again. She'd been crying a lot more since they'd been there and he couldn't say he didn't feel the same as she did. She had known that she would have to come to the Sanctuary to help the people heal, but she had admitted that she had never expected Rick to ask them to stay there. Daryl was just as angry and uncomfortable living at the Sanctuary and dealing with the Saviors that were still loyal to Negan. There was a lot of opposition towards them and Rick's attempt to change the way the communities worked together. While there were plenty of people that were thankful and praised Rick for bettering their lives, there were several others that were angry that they were given less and expected to work more. Several of them had gotten too used to the way things were and the ease of their lives under Negan's rule. Regina was one of the most outspoken against the new way of things and was already being openly hostile towards Ani, especially. Merle was fighting back as much as he could and Daryl was keeping Ani as close as he could while simultaneously ensuring the twins stayed by her side at all times.
"Come on, we should get you back to bed," he told her.
"Ya need sleep, too," she said, turning in his arms, wrapping hers around his waist and sighing. "They want ya ta start teachin' 'em how ta fix more bikes up. Want me ta try ta get a medicinal garden up. It's goin' ta be winta soon and Lou's goin' ta be 'ere in four months. We need ta get as much sleep now as possible 'fore we can' sleep anymore."
"Yeah."
They went back to bed, laying on their sides facing each other while trying to get to back to sleep, though neither managed to get back to sleep. Daryl kept rubbing circles on her back while they both stared off into space silently hating the fact that they were there. Their room was similar to the one she'd originally been in, but on the opposite side of the building, closer to the room the wives used to sit in. They had been offered Negan's old room, seeing as it had the most space and the nicest bed, but the question had made Ani retch on the spot just thinking about it. There was no way in hell that she would ever sleep on a bed that Negan had slept on, especially with how many women he'd shared the bed with. It wasn't the number of women that he'd been with that grossed her out, but the thought of what was on the bed that no amount of cleaning would ever get rid of. Daryl had agreed with her whole heartedly, although Merle didn't seem to have a single reservation and claimed it himself. He'd offered to move the bed out and get them a new one so they could have a larger room for the baby, but they both turned him down. They were much more comfortable in their smaller room with a full size bed, small kitchenette with a mini fridge, and enough room for the crib, a rocking chair, and a dresser. It was perfect and cozy and the only place where they both felt safe enough to even let their guards down and try to get used to the place.
Neither Daryl nor Ani were able to get back to sleep and the morning came way too early with Jerry knocking on the door. They sighed and sat up before getting ready for the day, Daryl pulling her under his arm as soon as they stepped out. They were greeted by a lot of the people milling around getting ready for their day or heading down to the ground level. It was the place where most of the problems occurred, especially during mealtimes when tensions were always high. Ani was almost always needed and Daryl was always ready to jump into the fray in order to keep the others from trying to gang up on her. It had already happened once and Laura and Simon both had gotten in the way at the time, but Simon had since decided to go to the Hilltop to help make up for the damage he'd caused there. Maggie had reluctantly agreed to take him in and let him atone for his actions, and only after Ani had talked to the woman herself, taking her to the man's apartment and giving her an insight on his reasons. Gavin had also gone to the Kingdom for the same reason, both taking some of the people they trusted to the communities to help out in the rebuilding. Laura and Arat were trying to help keep the peace as much as possible, mainly because Arat was impressed with the Dixon women and their abilities. It had been easy to gain her respect and she'd already had Laura's simply from their conversations when she'd been held captive. They were the only people that were actively trying to help at the moment and it meant that Ani and Daryl were always needed on the floor during the larger gatherings.
He pressed a kiss into her hair, feeling her tense up as they walked into the large room where too many people constantly stopped and stared at her, making her even more self-conscious than her scars. Merle and Sophia greeted them and told them that nothing of significance had happened so far aside from the general unease the newly found system created. Eugene needed to talk to them about where Ani wanted to set up the various stations they were in need of and who they would be assigning to them. They needed people who were able to mend clothing, repair various parts for the motorbikes and vehicles they were planning on fixing up, as well as figure out proper housing for everyone rather than workers being side by side in cots on the floor that barely had room to walk through. She stayed by his side for as long as she could until she had to run off with Eugene and Laura to start talking to the workers that already had experience in what they needed to do. Daryl and Merle both kept a close eye on her while Bobby followed her around; Catty tended to go between her and Sophia. Similarly to Catty, Merle was always going back and forth between the two, leaving Sophia's side whenever Daryl had to leave the room. He would keep his distance and just watch over her until she came up to him or Daryl or gave one of them a little wave to come over.
Daryl wasn't able to stay in the same area after Laura and Ani got busy with the people and Eugene walked over to him to talk about how much he knew about mechanics. Eugene was very good at tinkering and knowing some things, but the only person he'd ever seen build a machine from scratch had been Daryl and his motorcycle. If Daryl could do that much, then he would most likely be able to repair the motors on some of the other machines they might need in the future. They were still in the same room and kept double checking where the other one was even as they completed their designated tasks. It still wasn't easy for them to feel safe with all the people around them and the tension in the air from the conflicts between the soldiers and workers didn't help matters any. It wasn't all the soldiers and workers, but their were definitely factions within the old system that were up in arms against the change. Part of what Ani had to do while she was determining who would be the best in what area so that they could get everything up and running as quickly as possible. Everyone had just been doing what they were told without any real direction of what they should be doing or could contribute up until that point. Ani had to talk to a lot of people in regards to both the treatment they'd suffered at the Sanctuary and the abilities they could offer to the new system.
It had been a productive day for the two of them while they dealt with the people in the morning and compiled a list of things they needed to get for the stations to be up and running. Ani needed to go out into the woods to bring in some transplanted wild herbs so that they could at least have a harvest before the winter ended. If the transplants worked right and went to seed in the raised beds they had ready for them, then they would no longer need to try to forage and could instead simply let nature take its course. As long as they went to seed, then the plants would regrow in the spring and the only thing they'd have to forage for were seasonal fruits, nuts, and plants. Daryl had been planning on taking her out hunting, anyway, so she had the opportunity to at least start bringing some of the heartier plants back to get the garden up and running. They could also bring back some squirrels so she could stop complaining about how long it had been since she'd had some. One of the people of the Sanctuary made some pretty good pickles, and that had become one of the few foods she was obsessed with, though it didn't stop her other cravings. Pickles, squirrels, and milk; that was about all she wanted for every meal much to Merle's amusement.
"You done for the day?" Daryl asked as he walked up to her, Laura leaving as he did.
"For now, yeah," Ani answered before yawning. "Could do with a rest 'fore we go out."
"C'mon."
He pulled her under his arm and started leading her back to their room so that they could both unwind a bit before heading out to the woods. While they both felt more relaxed in the woods any day of the week, Daryl didn't want her to fall asleep out there and hurt herself when she had a perfectly good bed she could sleep in. Merle directed everyone to come to him to ask questions and leave the two of them alone for the rest of the day so they could rest up and go hunting. He'd honestly been running interference for the two so that they had time to adjust since they'd gotten there, although it didn't always work out how he wanted it to. Still, it was a nice gesture that he'd told them not to get used to and that he was only helping out like he was because she was getting further along and needed more rest and relaxation. Daryl fully agreed with him, too, reminding Ani when she had attempted to protest about how things had gone at the prison and how she had almost always was the one people went to for the dumbest things. They wanted her to deal with as little extra stress as possible, and that the only way to make sure she got enough sleep was to make sure no one disturbed them when they were in their room unnecessarily. While they were still needed for some things in the morning and Ani tended to talk to people about their trauma in the afternoon, their noontime was generally spent napping. Almost as soon as they were in the room and her boots were off, she laid down and pulled him with her so she could get comfortable. He brought her back close to his chest and put a hand on her stomach as she sighed and finished adjusting her position herself. It didn't take either long to fall asleep after being awake most of the night and an active morning walking around talking to people.
Daryl didn't waste any time or allow her to protest when they woke up and simply got both of their gear ready to head out. He was more than impatient to get away from the concrete and steel and be able to get some truly alone time with his wife without the threat of something coming up. The last thing he wanted was to get stuck in the Sanctuary because a situation arose that needed Ani to mediate. It had already happened a few days ago when he'd wanted to take her out; a fight had broken out and she'd been forced to play peacemaker between the two fighting. She'd been so irritated by it that she'd canceled the trip out of annoyance and exhaustion, only to continue her rounds as a damn therapist. Daryl knew she'd been a shrink before the world went to shit, but he didn't realize or know how much time, effort, and emotional tolls went with the work. She would sit and talk to people for hours at a time to try to help them understand and work through their emotions and experiences only to go back to the room and break down because of the stories. He'd told her she could stop and just help a few people a day or break it up into appointments like she used to have, but she denied every suggestion. The people needed her when they needed her, and as long as she was able to sleep, no matter how little she had been getting, she would be able to get through it. Ani had assured him that it wasn't more than she could handle and that it had just been a long time since she'd helped people with that level of trauma. It didn't help that she wasn't an expert in prolonged trauma since she was a forensic psychologist, not a clinical or or counseling psychologist. While she was good as settling matters as they arose, her area of expertise was less in actual therapy and more in understanding the how and why of a person's behavior.
Now, she was not only expected to be a leader and get things at the Sanctuary organized, she was also expected to make sure that everyone was mentally healthy all on her own. Ani had half expected there to be at least one other person with the ability to help her heal the trauma and rift, but after Eugene said he'd thought that, too, she gave up on that thought. It was difficult with how many people there were that needed help and needed her to be there for them as the only person who could. There were people who had lost their children, their entire families, that had been alone since the beginning before chancing upon the Saviors and jumping at the chance to be safe. Many of the workers didn't know how bad the entire system would be for them until they were already in the thick of it. Some of them had taken up more grueling tasks to have better lives than those on the very bottom rung and had just gone about as if they would have in the old times. It was just another day at work for them with the added bonus of three square meals a day and a safe place to sleep. The soldiers, however; most of them had been through the ringer long before they'd gotten to the Sanctuary, half crazed after everything they'd lost, like Rick had said Morales was before Daryl had killed him. It made sense to her why so many soldiers were as ruthless as they had lost everything near and dear to them, but there were a lot of soldiers who simply didn't care at all. They'd gotten what they wanted for themselves with little to no consequences to them in exchange for following a few simple rules, most of which didn't even apply to them. It was the people like that who were still Negan and were unwilling to even attempt to merge into the new regime peacefully.
Ani couldn't help but laugh at her husband as he walked around the room quickly and threw her boots at her feet. She had to admit that she was happy about going to go hunting and foraging and getting back into an element that was all about her and him and nothing else. It had been one of the things they'd bonded over in the very beginning that couldn't be taken away from them no matter where they went. They hadn't been able to go hunting in over a month thanks to the war and everything that had happened both during and after. When they'd first gotten to the Sanctuary, it had been all about encouraging coordination and building up confidence in their plan more than anything else. They'd spent a lot of time dismantling the old regime and talking to those affected the worst by how they had been living. There were several of the wives who had taken up Negan's offer to marry him in exchange for the safety of their loved ones, like Sherry had for Dwight. Others had absolutely nothing to talk about because it had given them a better life and they had nothing to give up or lose in marrying him. Ani felt sorry for all of those women, especially the ones who had been coerced into giving up their rightful husbands in order to have their or their family's medical needs met. She couldn't imagine making that choice and giving her marriage to Daryl up for anything, let alone being forced to make that choice or face losing everything. Knowing everything that had happened to those women and what Negan had asked from them, Ani was thankful for this time alone with Daryl and the fact that their relationship hadn't been completely broken.
"Ya know it might not be comfy on the bike, right?" she asked Daryl.
"Wasn't plannin' on taking the bike."
"What?!" Ani exclaimed before she began pouting. "But I wanted one last ride."
"Yeah, well, what's it you're always telling Phia? You can't always get what you want," he chastised, her face contorting with shock before they both laughed.
"Fine, have it ya way. But we ain' takin' a stick."
~x~
"Did the woods always smell so damn good?"
"You've asked the same damn question ten times now. Stop."
They'd been out in the woods for roughly two hours, following a trail while the twins had ran off as soon as they'd opened the van's door and Ani couldn't say she blamed them. It had been almost as long as long for them being out in the wilds as it had been for the pair of hunters. Being in their element had calmed both Daryl and Ani down and given them a chance to enjoy each other's company without the weight that had been put on their shoulders. Ani had dug up five plants to put in the back of the van already and they had started walking around in an attempt to find a trail. Daryl couldn't keep the small smile on his face the entire time he watched her in the woods, the light back in her eyes for the first time in forever. The only time either of them had really felt joy had been when they got their check-ups for Lou; their work and being at the Sanctuary had been a dark cloud hanging over their head. It didn't help that Ani was so focused on getting the people at the Sanctuary back to being mentally healthy on top of making plans to visit the other communities to double check the welfare of the people there. Before they had left the van to actually start their hunt, all she had talked about was everything she wanted to get done when they got back and the people she needed to check on. He swore the woman was a workaholic with how much she thought about what she had to do even when she was told to relax and stop thinking about everyone else for a while. She was already taking it easy as far as how much she was doing physically; now he was just worried about her doing too much for others even while sitting. Daryl scoffed to himself and shook his head at thinking about how satisfied he was that she wasn't up and walking as much and yet he had her traipsing around the woods himself.
"What?" she asked.
"What do you mean, 'what?'"
"Ya smilin'."
"So?"
"Jus' nice ta see ya smilin' for once."
"I smile plenty," Daryl told her.
"Haven' seen ya smile in a while, though. Not since we got out," she said, turning around to step up to him. "We've been so busy doin' everythin' else we've barely had time ta be us. Haven' really slowed down."
"Could always stay out here for the night," he suggested while bringing an arm around her. "Catch a couple squirrels, roast 'em up, stay in the van."
"We told Merle we'd be back by tanight."
"And? Can just radio in tellin' him something came up. Don't gotta go back," Daryl practically whispered in her ear, making her hiss in a breath.
"Mr. Dixon, are ya tryin' ta seduce me inta doin' what ya want?" she teased.
"Don't gotta try," he responded cockily.
"True. Ya don' got ta do much ta get me out a my pants."
"Stop."
"Ya started it!" Ani laughed before wrapping her arms around his waist. "Do ya really want ta stay out 'ere tanight?"
"Wouldn't hurt," Daryl told her, watching her face as she thought about it. "Know you got shit you wanna do back there, but it ain't like it ain't gonna be there tomorrow."
"True," she sighed. "I ain' takin' the blame for it. Ya goin' ta be the one ta tell Merle why we didn' go back."
"You think he's gonna care?"
"Ya know, I don' think 'e will. If anythin', he might tell us ta take a few days!" she laughed, Daryl smiling at seeing her looking so cheerful. "Howeva long ya want, I'm all and only ya's 'til we get back. But for now, get me some squirrels."
"You got it."
~x~
"Stars look different out 'ere," Ani said. "And 'fore ya say anythin', I know they ain'. Think it's jus' the thought a bein' in an open area like the Sanctuary versus out 'ere in the woods. Used ta be, if ya were anywhere near a city, ya couldn' see a damn thing otha than the moon and maybe the North Star. But out in the woods? Ya could see everythin'."
"No, I get it," Daryl told her. "Seems quieter out here, too."
"Yeah. Noise pollution. Things got so quiet for so long and then bein' in the hustle and bustle a the Sanctuary. It's a lot betta out 'ere."
Daryl was sitting against the side of the van with Ani in front of him, both staring up at the sky as they waited for the squirrels to finish roasting over the fire. The twins had settled beside them, having clearly had their own successful hunt with how they'd fallen asleep as soon as they'd gotten back. After Daryl had hailed Merle on the walkie and told him they were staying out for the night, he had taken her back to the van and started making camp. It didn't take them too long to catch dinner after they finally went on a real hunt at dusk. Ani had laughed at Daryl when he held up the first squirrel and told her she could shut up about squirrel finally. He had to admit, though, it was nice to hear her laugh and be truly happy, and not just content, in he couldn't even remember how long. His arms were wrapped around her as he rested his chin on her head while she had a blanket wrapped around their legs. Ani missed sitting against Daryl on the ground of the woods like they had way back at the quarry. It had been one of the things they had bonded over while smoking weed and they hadn't been able to just be like this in the wild in a long time. Both of them were beyond content with the way things were starting to turn around for the two of them, even in the midst of dealing with things at the Sanctuary. Sitting, just the two of them, alone in the place they were both most comfortable in, they were able to feel the heavy burden the war had left on them lift. Ani wouldn't have bothered moving if it weren't for the fact that her stomach was practically rumbling like thunder from the smell of the roasting squirrel.
"Damn, that was good," Ani said as she stretched after having had her fill of squirrel. "We should try ta get out 'ere more often. Jus' ya and me."
"Yeah. Feels good," Daryl agreed, pulling her back against him as he leaned back against the van once again. "Can't come out here as much after Lou's born."
"Why not? We had Judy the entire time we were on the road and it was mostly fine. 'Sides, I want ta teach 'im as soon as we can how ta savive."
"How early you thinkin'?"
"I don' know. Wheneva I think 'e'll be able ta undastand how ta recognize plants and tracks. I want 'im ta be able ta fend for 'imself as soon as possible jus' in case the worse happens. Don' want ta risk 'im not bein' able ta find 'is way. I mean, ya got lost, I got left and then lost. I got confused with Phia 'cause I was travelin' at night and didn' have the clearest view 'cause it was a new moon, but I don' want Lou ta have somethin' like that happen ta 'im."
Daryl silently considered her words for a few moments before answering, "Gonna need to get him a bow."
"We can do that easy 'nough."
"Have to make sure we don't let him out of our sight."
"Ya think I'm lettin' 'im out a my sight ta begin with?" Ani asked him. "I'm already scared a havin' 'im in that place. Too many people still wantin' ta follow Negan's way and too many tryin' ta pick fights. It's goin' ta be stressful with a baby added ta all that."
"Yeah."
"I love ya," she said, turning in his arms to look at his face. "Thank ya for suggestin' stay out 'ere tanight."
"Didn't want to take you back. Sick of sharin' you."
Ani chuckled and leaned her head on his shoulder as his arms wrapped around her, "It does feel like we got ta give everyone and everythin' attention wheneva they want it. Only time we're alone is when we're cooped up in that room. It's nice bein' out 'ere and away from it all. Freein'. Could jus' run away. Hail Merle, get him and Phia ta meet us. Jus' run away ta the woods and leave it all behind."
"You know you wouldn't," Daryl told her. "Even if you say you don't care, you do."
"Yeah, maybe. But don' mean I don' think 'bout runnin' away with ya for real. I know I ain' goin' ta right now, but maybe one day."
"Maybe. C'mon," he said, smacking her hip lightly. "Gettin' late. Might as well get some shut eye."
"Yeah, I guess."
Ani got up from his lap and kicked dirt over the fire while he stood up and gathered the canteens and opened the side door of the van. They both climbed in and Ani lit the small lantern they had and started unrolling the blankets they had brought with them. While she hadn't planned on being away all night, she had still insisted that they prepare for just in case. She couldn't help but wonder if Daryl had planned to stay out since before they left and if that was the reason he had wanted to get out of the sanctuary as fast as possible. Originally, she just chalked it up to impatience due to how their plans had been interrupted before they could even get their supplies properly ready. There was a chance that he'd set it up and if she hadn't have heard his and Merle's conversation on the walkie. She tossed the pillows up by seats and sat back to take her boots off while watching Daryl do the same. He laid down on his back before she moved to lay next to him, cuddling up to his side with her head on his chest. They didn't fall asleep right away and instead talked about what their life could be like once Lou was born and how they wanted to raise him past teaching him the basics of hunting, tracking, and foraging. Neither of them wanted to stay at the Sanctuary long term and had agreed that they would switch to the Hilltop as soon as they possibly could. As long as Negan was alive, neither of them would be going to Alexandria and Ani was vehemently against going to the Kingdom. Life at the Hilltop was by far the more simpler of the two and it was already going to be a hassle to visit the other two colonies as she got further along and Lou was born. She had admitted that she didn't want to live around Carol just yet, either, because she, Carol, and Sophia needed time to heal from all the drama they'd caused. Daryl had tried to press her to see if she was still jealous or concerned about their friendship, but she shot it down by saying that she was the one carrying his baby. He wasn't about to leave her and his child for anything and she already knew and so there was no need for him to worry about let alone her to feel jealousy. By the time they fell asleep, both were smiling and more hopeful than ever for the future they had a chance of building with their family.
