Queen21: I liked Simon's character a lot and thought he was given a bad hand, so I went a different route.
Luvs2Read: Everything will work out as it's meant to.
Bonnie Lou Davis Thompson: I'm so happy you are enjoying my story! ^_^
Kezz 1: Thank you!
top story: Don't worry. Everything in place and time.
"I hate this," Ani complained once again.
"You think I like it any better?" Daryl asked her.
"And six weeks afta the birth! That's three fuckin' months! That's a quarta a the year!" she all but cried.
"I know."
"Yeah, but ya can rub one out. I can' do shite! I'm fuckin' horny as fuck, but I can' do shite 'bout it 'cause a the bed rest! This is bullshite!"
"Ain't rubbed one out yet," he told her.
"Yeah, but ya could. I ain' even supposed ta think 'bout sex 'til the baby comes 'cause a the stupid ass contractions and the stupid ass docta and the stupid ass situation! This is fuckin' torture!"
Ani had been on bed rest for the last two weeks in which Daryl had spent most of his time with her, Eugene, Jerry, Merle, and all the rest that needed to help keep the Sanctuary running coming to their room for discussions. Every time Daryl did leave, whoever had come to get him would stay with Ani, mostly Merle and Sophia with Laura coming sometimes, too. She was still having contractions, going from a few times in twenty four hours to roughly ten times every twenty four hours. Carson came in every day to see how she was doing and was confident that she would continue to hold the pregnancy for another week, at least. Due to the fact that she had not dilated any further and her contractions, while lasting for close to a minute at a time, were spaced out enough that he wasn't worried just yet. She wasn't even having one contraction every hour and had managed to keep it that way for the last two weeks, even though she literally had no say in it whatsoever. The problem came when her libido remained as high as it was and Carson told her that it was too dangerous and was adamant that she do her best to not become aroused. Ani had told him how impossible that was when Daryl was her husband and hot as hell, much to the amusement of both Merle and Abraham, who had come to check up on her for Maggie and the others. Daryl was doing better about the lack of sex than Ani was and everyone around her had heard about her anger about it. The pair were intimate in other ways, though; they cuddled a lot more and Daryl gave her a lot of massages while Ani would read to him.
"How the hell did you go so long without when you can't even go a few weeks without now?" he asked her.
"I didn' have ya before. That alone makes it suck that I can' have ya like I was 'fore this shite started. And three fuckin' months! Three! Not fuckin' fair!"
Daryl sighed and smiled, moving to sit behind her to rub her shoulders, "'Least I'm here."
She moaned at the feel of his hands until a knock on the door forced him to get up to unlock the thing, opening it for both Carson and Merle. Carson was coming for his daily check up while Merle had some papers in his hand to give her to look over regarding the inventory. That was about the only thing she was still actively involved with due to the fact that she could read them faster and spot the differences easier than others. One was from what they had received from the Hilltop, one what they were expecting, and one what they had. The only other thing that she was doing was helping a few people work through either working through their problems or helping them figure out their emotions. Most of those were the ones still traumatized by Negan's rule, though she had been able to deduct that many of those people were either like Maggie, having lost someone due to Negan's direct hands, or had already been mentally unwell before the world ended. She couldn't say no to those few people, maybe twenty in total, and she only allowed herself to talk to two people a day; one trauma, one mental health. Ani had gotten the hang of being a therapist with those people because they had talked so often it was impossible for her to leave them alone with their troubles. Daryl and Merle had been forced to accept it after one of the people she had been talking to regularly to help him through his anxiety had such a bad panic attack that he passed out. After that, she had sat them down and explained what she wanted to do to make sure that didn't happen again to any of the people she'd been working with since the war ended. They had agreed when even Carson had asked that she continue talking to some of the worst cases she had just so that they wouldn't have any other medical emergencies regarding who he called her patients.
Honestly, that was one of the only things keeping her from going insane from just laying on the bed reading books she had become increasingly less interested in. Matthew, the man who'd had a panic attack, was her worst case by far; he not only suffered from bad anxiety before the world had turned to crap but had also watched his little brother be killed. And that had just been the tip of the iceberg for him considering his parents had been ripped apart by walkers right in front of him. His girlfriend had committed suicide after they had lost their first camp and Negan had cut a finger off because he had messed up on a job that had resulted in some gas being dumped. It had been an accident, but that hadn't mattered to Negan, and Matthew's only solace was that at least it was just a finger and he didn't get the iron. Mark, the man she and Daryl had watched getting the iron himself, and his wife had gone the same route as Dwight and Sherry and had ran as fast as they could when Negan was gone. Ani didn't blame him nor the others who left because the trauma of the Sanctuary was just too much for them to stay. And even though there were other communities that those who left could go to, only a few made the choice to take shelter in them while the majority simply left. She had wondered why Matthew stayed when so many others went, but when she suggested it, he became even more anxious. He knew the Sanctuary as home and had done so for the better part of a year and would outright refuse to even take it into consideration. At the end of the day, Ani had no choice but to continue trying to help him work through everything he went through.
"Phia's comin' with Matthew lata, right?" she asked Daryl before he left the room to double check the mechanical items found on a run.
"Yeah. Merle's stayin' 'til then."
Ani gave Merle a dark look and told him, "Ya pull ya bullshite taday, I got plenty a knives still close at hand. We can talk 'bout the baby, but ya bring up the past and the shite that happened that could have had somethin' ta do with the baby and me havin' contractions early, and ya goin' ta feel 'em slicin' through ya, ya got it?"
"Yeah, I fuckin' hear ya, girly," Merle replied, already sporting a bump on his head from the book she'd thrown the last time he'd been left alone with her.
He'd taken it to heart that Daryl would throw punches if he tried to say it was her fault, but that hadn't stopped him from bringing up all those times she'd worked instead of rested. Merle might not have been outright blaming her for what she was going through, but he mentioned the war and her training the others and the fact that she had panicked in the tunnels that it was impossible to mistake it for what it was. This would actually only be the fourth time he stayed with her without anyone else in the room, primarily Sophia, who was still angry at him. Ani would laugh at Merle every time her little girl would shut him down with only a few words about his past actions, which had left him to complain only when they were alone. What had set her off herself was his insinuation that she didn't even want to be pregnant and that was the whole reason she hadn't slowed down when asked to. That was the straw that broke the camel's back when it came to what she was willing to deal with when it came to her brother-in-law. It was all she could do to keep Daryl from retaliating when he came into the room after hearing her yelling so loud it echoed down the hallway. The only reason that the entire ordeal actually ended was because the yelling and extra movement had brought on another contraction.
"You say what you said last time, I won't let her talk me about kickin' your ass outta here," Daryl warned for the second time.
"I get it, already. I fucked up and said the wrong shit. How many times I gotta say it?" Merle asked all the while conveying his irritation in his voice.
"'Til I fuckin' believe ya are, asshole," Ani shot at him. "Jus' 'cause I gave ya a second chance don' mean there'll be a third. Ya say anything out a line taday..."
She left the threat open ended as Daryl walked over to her, "Carson needed Phia this mornin'. She'll be here when she's done."
"'Kay. I love ya, D," she said as he leaned over.
"Love ya, too," he said, kissing her forehead before heading towards the door. "Get some rest."
"Will do," Ani replied with a smile. As soon as the door was shut, she looked over at Merle and asked, "Why'd ya say that the otha day?"
"Thought you didn't want to talk about it."
"I don' want ta be fuckin' blamed, but I want ta know why the fuck ya'd say I didn' want this pregnancy, that I didn' want Lou."
Merle stood and looked at her for a few minutes before walking over to the desk and grabbing the chair, bringing it closer to the bed and sitting on it backwards, "Daryl ever tell you about our mother?"
"Ya both have told me a little. Bit a Native American heritage, had ovarian cancer, ya said she was a fighta like me and neva let ya daddy get away with 'is bullshite."
"Yeah, that sounds 'bout right," he said with a nod. "Weren't no paradise, but that woman loved and cared for me and my baby brother like no one else 'til you. I watched our mother go through a lot of bullshit, and some of it...When Daryl was still in 'er belly, she had all kinds of problems. Started out with pukin' and not bein' able to eat, went downhill from there. And our daddy just kept expectin' her to do everythin' in the house, cookin', cleanin', everythin'," he told her, looking off in the distance. "For a while, we weren't sure she was gonna make it. Didn't know if she'd carry to term. She did, but it weren't no easy go at it." He paused for a moment before sighing, "Ain't many women I've seen with a bun in the oven. Ain't got much know how, either. I was only a young'un when all that happened."
"None a that gives ya the right ta say what ya said."
"Just shut the hell up and listen," he told her harshly only for her to give him a dirty look. "It was our daddy that caused 'er to go into labor. Was sick and tired of her bein' pregnant close to the end and decided punchin' 'er right in the gut. Weren't the first time 'e'd done it, neither. He made it clear from the start he didn't want another kid. Didn't even take her to the hospital when she started bleedin'; neighbor took her. If it weren't for the doctors, she and my brother woulda died. You don't know shit. You don't know shit about what it's like, seein' your own momma goin' through all that shit. And then you've sat there and pushed yourself over and over again. All the bullshit you've gone through and you sat there and kept goin'."
"And ya think that, 'cause I don' know how ta sit still, I don' want my baby?"
"Do you hear what the fuck I'm sayin'?"
"I hear ya sayin' ya daddy was a right rat bastard who didn' deserve a single fuckin' thought and should be fuckin' dead for what 'e did ta ya. I hear ya sayin' ya momma went through hell bringin' D inta the world. I hear ya sayin' that ya daddy sat there and abused ya momma and made 'er have even more problems in 'er pregnancy. But! I don' hear a reason for ya sayin' that since I hate bein' pregnant, I got ta regret gettin' knocked up ta begin with!" Merle had the decency to look down at that point before Ani continued, "I neva once have regretted bein' with D or havin' 'is kid. I hate bein' pregnant and I can admit I pushed it at times. I can admit that I didn' do everythin' I should a and took 'take it easy' lighta than I should a at first. But I neva wanted Lou ta get hurt. I neva wanted what's happenin' with us now ta happen. And that don' give ya the right ta go 'round thinkin' I don' want Lou."
"You think I don't know that?"
"Then why have ya been so fuckin' hard on me and sat there and said what ya did?!"
"You wouldn't slow down," he told her just as heated as she was, though they were both more irritated than anything else. "You sat there doin' more'n even my momma did. I got pissed, and only got more so the more you did. I ran my mouth."
"I don' hear an apology in there," Ani said; she wasn't about to let him off by simply implying he was sorry. "I been angry at ya a lot and only eva went off on ya afta warnin' ya what would happen if ya kept up ya shite. We both know that I hit my boilin' point and I get fuckin' pissed. But I apologize, don' I? Think the only thing I ain' apologized for was chokin' ya out afta ya punched D jus' for bein' with me." Merle looked shocked as Ani laughed, "Yeah, I knew why ya did it. Ya ain' as quiet as ya think in the woods when ya pissed. I heard ya cuss and stomp off."
"And you didn't tell Daryl?" Merle asked complexed.
"What would it a changed? Ya still would a been pissed, 'e still would a felt guilty for tryin' ta keep us a secret 'til ya were ready, and I would a still been pissed 'bout how ya treated 'im. Tell me, what exactly would it a changed?"
"I guess you're right. Hell, back then I wanted to kill you and knock some sense into my brother."
Ani scoffed at that, "So, once upon a time ya wanted me dead, and now ya bitchin' at me 'cause I'm pregnant with ya nephew? Can ya hear how hypocritical that is?"
"How the hell is that the same as what y-"
"Ya made a mistake in judgment jus' like I did. Ya would a killed me back then, right?"
"Yeah."
"And I didn' realize how much I could a been impactin' the pregnancy. We were both wrong. Yeah, mine has a worse outcome 'cause it ain' jus' bein' wrong 'bout someone, but it doesn' change the fact that should a, would a, could a does nothin' in the now. Can' change the past, but look at the two a us now. Both doin' what we can to be betta goin' forwards. So quit bein' an asshole ta me 'cause ya don' agree with what's happened. 'Stead, help me and D in the now. Don' make things harda than they already are and don' ever sit there and say anything close ta what ya did a few days ago. I ain' goin' ta let it slide again. Only did the first time 'cause a the pain a the contraction. Kind a took everythin' off'n what ya said." Merle sighed and looked at her hard before nodding his head, "Good. I get it. Ya saw a lot a bullshite as a kid. Ya saw ya motha sit there and suffa 'cause a ya daddy. But I ain' ya motha and D ain' ya daddy."
"No shit," he told her with a smirk. "Sure is yours, though."
"Merle!" Ani cried out, flabbergasted. "Eitha way, what I'm tryin' ta say is that ya need ta work through ya damn trauma 'bout what ya lived through, 'specially when it comes ta ya momma. Want ta talk 'bout 'er some more?"
"Naw, had enough of goin' down memory lane for the day. Hell, for the year," Merle said, shaking his head as he looked down. "Sorry I went a little crazy on ya."
"A little? Ya were a fuckin' dick-faced bastard for a good long while. Goin' ta have ta show ya mean it."
"You make Daryl work this hard for you to let it go?"
"Nah, but 'e ain' said shite 'bout the baby. I hate bein' pregnant and everythin' that goes with it except the fact that I get ta hold Lou when it's all said and done."
"You lettin' Daryl in here when givin' birth?"
"Who else would I let in otha than 'im and Phia? Ya? Sorry, but ya ugly ass might send 'im right back inta the womb like the damn groundhog when 'e sees 'is shadow."
"Call me a dick-face wasn't enough, huh?"
"Neva," Ani laughed. "'Sides, I know damn well ya still callin' me a bitch and a vixen and the fox that stole ya brotha."
"Is there anything that little girl doesn't tell you?"
"Nope. Hell, I even know what happened the last time 'er and Carl got tagetha."
"What happened?!"
"Wouldn' ya like ta know. Want ta know what they did, pull ya head out a ya ass and ask 'er."
~x~
"How've ya been feelin' the last few days?" Ani asked Matthew.
"Better," he answered.
"Care ta elaborate?" she asked, only for the man to remain silent. "How're things goin' with John?"
"Alright. He really is a nice ma, but I don't know."
"An undastandable feelin'. But ya can' let it stop ya from havin' a good life or movin' on. I know that Emma was ya first love and ya watched 'er die right in front a ya while tryin' ta run from ya first camp. And now ya tryin' ta figya yaself out 'cause ya found a guy attractive and now John makes ya feel betta. Betta than ya've felt since that first camp."
"Emma was the only one I ever felt like that with. It's weird feeling that way with John. It feels like I'm betraying her and like I shouldn't like John."
"Do ya really think she would want ya ta live a life a misery jus' 'cause she loved you? I think she'd want ya ta be happy. And John makes ya happy, don' 'e?"
"He's getting there. After Emma. After Negan and the Saviors. I haven't felt so safe in a long while. But it feels a bit wrong to be with a guy."
"'Cause we've lived in a world where things like that aren' always seen as somethin' acceptable. But the world don' get ta dictate love, and it don' get ta dictate who it's with or what it looks like. All that mattas is that ya happy. Ya ain' the first ta like girls and guys, ya ain' goin' ta be the last, eitha. Hell, Aaron and Jesus both like guys and Beth and Tara have been skirtin' 'round each otha for the past month and a half. A few a the Kingdom's couples aren' consida'd traditional, eitha," Ani assured him. "And even if there weren' examples 'round us, did ya know that even the Ancient world had same sex marriages and couples. Did ya know that Emperor Hadrian a the Roman Emperor way back in the 100s AD, not sure the exact dates, but 'e was known ta have both male and female lovas. Duchess Georgiana of Devonshire had female lovas. Most a the ancient civilizations have examples a all kinds a sexual orientations and identities. Even 'fore the world went ta hell, ya had people like Neil Patrick Harris, Brendon Urie, Jim Parsons, Elton John, David Bowie. I mean, I know they're all examples a men, but, well, they're all favorites a mine. Had a huge crush on Neil Patrick Harris when I was a little kid. I'd watch Starship Troopers ova and ova again jus' ta watch 'im," she laughed.
Matthew went silent and squirmed in his seat before quietly telling her, "I did, too."
"See! There ya go! Ya feel a bit betta 'bout likin' a guy now?"
"Yeah, I guess. Have you ever liked a girl? Or was it always just Daryl?"
"I've found lots a people attractive, both men and women. I thought I had crushes on a couple a the women I'd met, but 'ventually I realized it was admiration and adoration. Wasn' the same as when I got crushes on guys, though, which was how I knew I was only inta guys that way. I think most people get crushes on friends, both men and women, growin' up. I think most a those crushes are like the ones I've had. But that doesn' mean that the ones that stick are bad or wrong, whateva form they take, less it's on a kid. That shite is jus' disgustin'," she said, both of them sharing a cringed nose look.
"I did have a lot of crushes when I was a kid, but my parents...they didn't want to hear about it or even entertain the idea. And when I met Emma, it was like all those crushes just went away. All I could see was her. I fell fast and hard and was so lucky she felt the same. And now...with John..."
"Ya feel the same."
"Yeah," Matthew told her. "It's terrifying. I don't want to lose anyone else. I don't want to fall for him only to lose him like I did her."
"I can undastand that fear completely 'cause I feel the same way 'bout Daryl. 'Bout Phia and Merle, too. First real family I've eva had, and the thought a losin' 'em is the most terrifyin' thing in the world. But bein' scared a losin' 'em jus' makes me cherish every second a the time I get ta spend with 'em. All these memories I got; if I lose 'em, at least I'll rememba that I was loved and cherished durin' the time I have. Once upon a time, I would a died if 'e did, but now I got Lou comin'," she said, rubbing her giant belly. "All I can do is stay alive for my boy, and all ya can do is give yaself anotha chance at the same happiness D gives me, that Emma gave ya. Ya shouldn' waste ya chance at love, and Emma wouldn' want ya to, eitha."
"He wants to take me on a date. Says he found a place with an amazing view outside and a building that looks out at it. Wants to stay out over night to show me the sunrise from there."
"Are ya goin' ta go?"
"I don't know. I don't want to leave the Sanctuary. Those things...I can't...I'm scared they'll get us."
"Fear can be quite debilitatin', but are ya a coward?"
"What?"
"Are ya a coward? Are ya willin' ta give up 'fore ya start?"
"I don't know. I don't want to be."
"Look at how far ya've come since the start. Ya haven' had ya meds in ova a year. Ya've killed walkas and savived 'til now. Ya've killed people ta protect yaself and ya friends. Ya lived through two camps gettin' ovarun and Negan's reign a the Sanctuary. What's a night out with someone ya growin' ta love? And, if 'e's already asked ya ta go, 'e's already sure the place is safe. John wouldn' take ya somewhere 'e thought was unsafe. He's been one a the people ta help ya keep ya cool eva since ya got 'ere, right?"
"Yeah, I guess. My panic attack was partially because he wasn't here. He's always been able to calm me down, but he was out scavenging. That's when he found the place he wants to take me. He said he wants to show me to take my mind off everything and just have a night away from reality, even if it's just for a little bit."
"He's a good man."
"Yeah, he really is," Matthew said with a small smile on his face.
"So, do ya have ya answa? Are ya goin' ta give 'im a chance ta show ya what ya mean ta 'im?"
The man chuckled before answering her, "I guess. I'm still afraid of leaving here, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. I still feel guilty, but Emma wouldn't want me to give up."
"Nah, she wouldn'. She'd want ya ta move on and be happy. Guilt is ta be expected when ya first move on, but ya won' feel like that foreva. Ya won' eva forget 'bout Emma and what she's done for ya, but that don' mean ya can' make room in ya heart for someone else."
~x~
"I can't believe you managed to get him to go," Sophia commented after Matthew had left and she'd overheard him telling John he'd go on the date. "He's never wanted to leave before."
"I know. John wants ta move ta the Kingdom with 'im. I'm tryin' ta help 'im. Matthew don' need ta be 'ere," Ani told her. "But, that's all I'm sayin' 'bout it. There's a reason I don' let anyone in the room when I'm talkin' ta my patients."
"Yeah, I know, I know. Confidentiality," she sang in a bit of a condescending tone. "Still, it's nice to see him gettin' better. He was always flinchin' when we got here."
"He's come a long way since then. Talkin' 'bout everythin' is helpin' 'im. But 'nough 'bout that," Ani said before giving the teen an expecting look. "Deets. Now."
"I don't know what you're talkin' about," Sophia acted.
"Uh-huh. Like ya didn' sneak off ta the attic and get a little extra touchy-feely with each otha last time ya visited Alexandria. Ya visited again this weekend. Spill."
She got quite squirrely before her face started turning red, "We...I...I fell asleep in his room. Rick and Michonne were out scavengin' and he was watchin' Judy. After she fell asleep, we were talkin'. I mentioned my stiff shoulder and he started givin' me a massage and...well..."
"Please tell me ya didn' take ya clothes off," Ani groaned. "Don' care what else happened, but tell ya didn' take ya clothes off."
"MOM!" Ani laughed so hard at that that even Sophia started laughing before promising, "We didn't do anythin' like that! Well, it got a little..."
"Heated?" she asked the girl who only blushed harder.
"Well...we...He's...Can we just drop this, please?!" Sophia shouted, making Ani laugh all over again.
"Ya both are fifteen, hun. It's ta be expected between two teens that they get a little hot and heavy," Ani said understandingly. "But, ya see what I'm goin' through, and I'm twenny four. I don' want ya ta deal with this 'til ya ready. Both a ya are goin' ta react ta each otha and make each otha feel good in ways ya've neva experienced. Jus', make sure ya don' take too many clothes off. Touchin' and kissin' is fine, but there ain' much in the way a protection anymore. Keep most a ya clothes on 'til ya know damn well ya ready for the chance a gettin' pregnant."
"Why do you have to embarrass me like that?"
"Prolly 'cause if I don', ya wouldn' know any a this stuff ta make an educated decision. Ya know I had this talk with Carl, too."
"Yeah, he told me. That's kinda why we didn't really do too much."
"And what did ya do? Otha than kissin' and touchin' and cuddlin', that is."
"Well," Sophia started while playing with her hair. "We were outside on the porch at first, and that's where he started givin' me a shoulder massage. And it felt good and then I turned around and kissed him. We ended up goin' to his room and kissin' and, well..." she blushed even more and mumbled her next words, "he got really excited and...well, we were layin' on his bed and holdin' each other and he...uh...he..."
"Got a hard on?"
"Why do you have to just come out and say things like that?!"
"'Cause it's the truth. He got a hard on and ya both got flusta'd, didn' ya?"
"It was so embarrassin'! Neither of us really knew what to do and we ended up just talkin' awkwardly 'til we fell asleep! And he had another one when he woke up!"
"Mornin' wood," Ani told her. "All guys get that. Gods, it's so damn hard ta not climb on the man in the mornin', but Carson said nah sex 'til afta I'm cleared afta the baby's born."
"I really don't need to know that."
"Yeah, but now ya do, ya can be prepared for the next time Carl wakes up with a tent."
"Mom!"
