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"Timeless"
- JINE UDO -
His head ached. It pricked him as if a million needles were sticking into him at the same time.
The man held his head with both hands, falling to his knees on the ground, hidden as he was in the woods. He wouldn't lie to himself, he knew he was losing his mind; he felt it fall apart every time he killed. More and more, he was sinking into madness...
"Why?... Why, Momiji?" He laments in pain.
...
- Shi-no-ippou -
The freezing fear technique.
A technique capable of paralyzing by forcing the entry of energy from the eyes toward the enemies'.
At first, it was considered a defense technique.
And a gift from the gods for the girl with honey eyes flecked with green; she who could use it to her liking and without the need for training.
Nikaido Momiji.
She had been given to the temple more out of fear than admiration. Although she had been showered with gifts then and treated like a goddess incarnate, the girl knew how to detect the scent of fear beneath those smiles. In all but one, Udo Jineh.
In the sanctuary, however, she was seen as an investment as an incarnated talisman that would prepare the next generations of priests and priestesses. Kago had been one of her most prominent students, but he too had been killed during the attack on the shrine.
The only one who now possessed the gift was the former Guji.
"He has potential. Perhaps he should join our ranks."
The Guji's black eyes then gleamed with hate as he heard the shogun's men speak. For weeks he listened to members of the shinsengumi make proposals to join their ranks. Even trying to convince him that if he had been part of it from the beginning, that tragedy would have been avoided. This only served to stir Momiji's words in his own consciousness.
"We are already at war" she had told him.
If only he had listened...
"Kill them all."
Although he still had a message to attend to. He still had a chance to redeem himself with his mate. "Yes, he thought." And he agreed to wear that cloak - albeit in secret. "I would kill them all." Except...
That hadn't been Momiji's only order.
That moment just before her life snuffed out, the last time he'd held her in his arms… When he'd fallen to his knees to crawl to where she lay. Motionless and bathed in her own blood.
"Momiji!" he shouted.
Even when receiving the spell, he had been unable to let go of his companion; as if she were an extension of himself. The spell had blinded him then, but even in the dark, he was able to hear his lover's last words.
"Save... Kaoru..." her heart had pleaded.
Then, the life had gone out of her.
Yes. He still had something good to do before he blew out the candles of men's lives.
...
"Do you still cry?"
...
He had found the little bird. She still sang the same as before, but she remained in the same cage. He didn't understand how she had given up so many opportunities that she had had, but he had to help her anyway. Although it was difficult to focus on a single task. He've been so busy lately.
There were so many, so many to kill! And he was just a man, a man on a mission but a man nonetheless. He had to do one thing at a time; and it didn't help that his prey was suddenly so annoying. They ran everywhere distracting him from the path he should follow.
But at times...
At times he remembered a different life. Another man living in his skin. One more sincere and content, satisfied with the world. Almost even happy... But no. Momiji hadn't been happy, not entirely at least. She had grown sour over the years; now he knew. He knew how stubbornly his friend had clung to an illusion; a hologram in the form of a blue-eyed girl. The same eyes that captivated his heart when he met her.
How long ago had it been? Time had become a confused concept that he no longer knew how to move within it. Sometimes the scenes he saw no longer existed, and others seemed to want to happen in a matter of moments, and he knew that these last ones he had to provoke.
Deaths and more deaths.
He had to pave the way for the release of the blue-eyed priestess. The current world was not made for her to fly, so he had to destroy it and build a new one.
...
"Do you still cry?"
...
It had been raining. Of that he had no doubt. The cold seeped into his bones, and his breath came out in the form of steam.
"You have a little bird to rescue." He had said.
Himura kun had run as soon as he heard him. He didn't blame him; he had run then too, when he had been as young and as naive as him. With his heart so full of illusions that they turned out to be vain, to the point where he himself doubted if the boy would find a different outcome.
"Ah!" he said to himself, now he understood. "Now I got it!"
"Shall I help him find a different destiny, Momiji?" He asked.
But the woman did not respond. Her eyes had been empty for hours, there was no life in them. And how could she be alive? She had died after giving him that last blessing. Or had it been a curse? After all, he enjoyed killing. The power that sustaining lives gave him and, in a matter of seconds, he slashed them out. But hadn't that been the curse? Wasn't the punishment to become what he despised the most?
And why would it matter now?
He looked at Momiji's corpse, so battered, pierced not only by the edge of two katanas, but by the hail of bullets the ronin had fired.
"Ah, you saved my life again," he said with a laconic smile.
The woman did not answer.
"Guji-sama, are you alright?"
The man looked up. The young lady in front of him was none other than his first apprentice.
"Fuu" He said recognizing her.
The young lady smiled.
"We are running late, your excellency." She quickened her pace then, brushing past him.
...
The Guji turned behind him, and suddenly the scene had changed.
It was no longer raining, and it was barely morning. The sun was peeking through the clouds, and the dawn mist was beginning to fade before the warmth of the yellow star. It was still winter, but the New Year's party was days away; it could be detected in the atmosphere, in the small arrangements the sanctuary's clergy made, and the lots of believers who came to the sanctuary after their early prayers.
The room had the doors open in the direction of the pond garden; even the cats were absent. The Guji and his senior priestess, Momiji, were sitting in front of a little girl with black hair and disconcerting blue eyes as deep as the ocean itself. Her father and her brother were also seated, although one place behind her.
"My name is Kamiya Kaoru, from the Kamiya clan," the little girl introduced herself, bowing.
Although she dressed humble, it was noticeable that she was the daughter of a daimyo, the only princess of the clan as well. Jine remembered how curious the little girl was, with her snow-white skin, and those blue eyes... All of her looked ethereal, totally out of this world.
"I'm here because I want to become a priestess," she completed, standing up again.
Her father -the clan leader- had sent the letter in advance, so everyone in the sanctuary was aware of the little girl's condition; however, it was the Guji's responsibility to verify that what was said in the letter was true.
"Although it is not uncommon to receive devout believers, it is rare to receive one so young," he pointed out with a smile. "Tell me little one, don't you think you'll regret it?"
"I won't." She answered firmly instantly, emphasizing her feeling in that simple answer.
"So certain," Momiji laughed.
The girl frowned, aware that she was not being taken seriously.
"It's just... I have to be here," she remarked, raising her voice unintentionally.
Momiji gave the Guji a look, and he understood what his partner was suggesting.
"To be able to accept you, you must demonstrate that you have a gift. Glimpses at least that you have been touched by a kami (god)" He explained.
Little Kaoru was startled for an instant, then she looked behind her to look at her father. He nodded with a solemn smile. The brunette looked straight ahead then.
"I have visions..." she confessed softly, her hands clasping each other in her lap. "I saw the death of my own mother months before it happened; even before she got sick."
It wasn't an act then, the Guji had thought when looking at the sincere emotion of the little girl. Still, it wasn't enough to accept her so soon.
"Have you seen anything else?" he inquired.
Kaoru shifted uncomfortably, almost worried that she would have to answer, but in the end she ended up nodding.
"There is a red child," she said. "Shinta... Nothing else." She finished, pursing her lips as if she had to keep the secret.
Both he and Momiji blinked in confusion. The Guji considered this for a long moment.
"You'll have to look for him then," he finally concluded.
The little girl looked at him with big, big eyes. Suddenly it seemed that he had won her affection with that simple errand.
And perhaps it had been like that.
"We will attack the next residence."
Udo Jine comes out of his memories after hearing that order. He has been part of the Shinsengumi group for months - albeit clandestinely - and is dedicated to persecuting those who oppose the shogun's regime.
"If they only knew." Says a part of himself still conscious inside his mind.
Everything has been an act.
And he is only a secondary character, it is said. Momiji was clear on what his role should be. But Kaoru was far away for the moment; secluded and guarded by tireless men. Men he did not want to kill, simply because they were in the service of the blue-eyed miko, and she seemed to really value their lives.
"If only Himura had left something for me." He complains.
He wanted to take care of those who were guilty. But after his last intervention to help Himura, his battered body had given up due to exhaustion. He had barely had enough time to slip away unseen, still carrying Momiji's mangled body with him.
"We have been informed that traitors to the regime are harvested there," continued the samurai in charge of that division. Jine did not remember his name; he did not see the importance of remembering the name of a dead person.
"We will only attack the samurai," he continued, "we will give the family a chance to redeem itself."
"Ah" he said to himself, suddenly remembering where he was. On the outskirts of Mito, where they were going to put out the lives of a small group that believed themselves to be revolutionaries. So insignificant that the government did not consider giving them an honorable death. "Good," Jine said to himself. "It will be necessary to show how dangerous it is to send a dog without a leash." He smiled.
He nodded to the general of that division - whose name he would continue to not know - touching the brim of his hat, and dispersing with the rest of the group in the direction of the village where the rebels were.
Adrenaline coursed through his veins; the sword in his hand seemed to vibrate along with his own excitement.
"Kill them all" Momiji had said. And he was going to do just that.
...
"Udo, what have you done!?"
It had been a real carnage, celebrated the ex-priest.
Especially the moment when he had ended up turning his sword towards his so-called allies; and started killing them one by one. He could still draw their faces full of bewilderment and terror. Cowards. They had all been cowards.
They all deserved to die. He answered, smiling lopsidedly.
The group in front of him stared in horror at the mangled bodies and the houses of the small village burning in flames. Not a single survivor. Men, women, children, young and old alike, enemy and friend... all dead.
"Those were your orders, weren't they?" He laughed, standing up.
The officers' hands flew to their katanas, not understanding that the man was not speaking to them but to the ghost of the woman who had sentenced him to be a murderer. She smiled gently at him.
His heart jumped.
"Good" he told himself. "My sword still thirsts for blood."
And he launched himself against the remaining men.
...
After that massacre, the anger that invaded the Japanese people tripled. Misunderstanding what happened, the entire province decided to rise up against the Shogun.
...
Almost as if the sky was against him, it had started to rain at that moment; after having finished everyone off. The rain poured down his face, and for a brief moment, he looked as if he were crying. A small window into the soul of the man who had been and still remained within himself.
A man condemned to carve his own path to hell.
Then a different voice called out to him.
...
"I found him!" She said, as she rushed towards him.
Jine turned towards the voice and was just in time to see the little girl who wanted to become a miko running towards him. She smiled ecstatically, and the ribbon in her hair swayed with each jump she took.
"I found Shinta!" she exclaimed, finally stopping in front of him. "Shinta exists; he is a samurai apprentice."
The Guji smiled back. Not even two days had passed, and the little girl had already completed her errand; no doubt the gods themselves had sent it.
"Oh yeah?" he inquired. "Come, and tell me everything," he invited her, taking her hand.
"Hai!" She nodded, following him towards the private room, the one that overlooked the pond.
Kaoru had been lost during the new year ceremony; she had said that she had followed three young women deep into the forest; but the meeting with Shinta had been saved for the Guji. The administrative assistant had said that he found her alone, but everyone knew that the gods hid when they didn't want to be seen, and ghosts even more so.
The little girl told him about their meeting; about the anecdotes that his sisters had shared with her.
"Did you say he was a samurai apprentice?"
"Un (yes). He wore a katana (sword) tied to the hakama."
The Guji weighed it up. It was clear what Kamisama expected of him, that union had to be made, and he had to arrange it. His eyes had been opened after her delivery to the sanctuary; she could not serve anyone but the gods.
"Did you make a connection?" He asked.
The girl blinked in confusion, stopping eating the mochi then. After considering it for a moment, she answered.
"I gave him my name."
The Guji chuckled, touched.
"I'm afraid it won't be enough."
Kaoru pouted.
"Didn't I pass the test?"
The Guji smiled.
"On the contrary, you did."
The man felt like bursting out laughing at her even more confused expression.
"Then?"
The wind blew then, raising dry leaves and dust in a small whirlpool.
"It just means you'll see him again." He sentenced.
Jine remembered the day Kaoru had returned to the sanctuary with a young samurai apprentice accompanying her. And looking up at the garden, this had suddenly become the entrance to the shrine, with the Tori towering in the distance. While the Guji and the girl continued sitting in the room talking.
Jine remembered that he had been away with Momiji on a pilgrimage, so he had not found out until days after the boy's arrival. That afternoon, he had decided to go ahead of Momiji, and begin preparations for the upcoming festivities. The party of the megami (goddess) Inari was the main one.
He had been a little less than an hour after arriving at the sanctuary when he had heard the then apprentice miko had arrived. That afternoon it was also raining.
"And the next time you see him..." The priest continued looking at that memory.
"Kenshin!" Kaoru, the eleven-year-old girl, had called to her partner. "Hurry up, or you'll end up all soaked."
The ex-priest looked in his memories at the figure of the young samurai apprentice dressed in rice sacks; remembering how surprised he had been to find out that there was reason to call the Shinta that Kaoru described "red child".
"I'm going as fast as I can, Kaoru dono," the red-haired teen replied, and then he added between his teeth, "...Considering everything I've been carrying."
"Make sure you seal his fate with yours." The priest concluded.
The scene of the miko apprentice and the samurai apprentice then blurred, and only the first memory remained.
"Hai(yes)" Little Kaoru agreed.
Jine blinked, looking back at the girl.
"I won't let him go." She smiled.
And the Guji laughed with her.
Heavy tears ran down the man's cheeks.
His cries could be heard deep in the forest, conveniently away from the sanctuary area.
Nights and nights, he had suffered the deterioration of his mind. Countless dreams and nightmares moved him between one reality and another. And for the small moments in which he woke up, only the evidence of his decadence received him. The piles of inert bodies piled up in front of him, and the indelible blood stains staining his person, mainly his hands.
The man continued to cry, not knowing when he would lose control of himself again.
Why had Momiji done this to him?
Did she hate him that much?
Why?
At what point had her love turned to resentment and bitterness? Wasn't it enough to have to live without her?
"I gave you my life..." he sobbed, drowning in tears. "Why wasn't it enough?"
A new memory assails him.
The figure of his partner... the one he spied on frequently. The one he loved from a distance even when they were close, one next to the other. He had seen her smile then, a different smile than before.
"You like her," he declared, pouring out the tea.
Momiji shook her head, though she was smiling. And wasn't that a novelty?
"She amazes me." She finally said, accepting the tea he offered her. "And I suppose it also makes me feel some envy."
"How is that?"
"I wish I had her faith and her strength." She confessed. Her eyes were lost away from the tea she had in her hands, away from that room in which they were sitting. Away from the sanctuary in which they were. Then she came to herself. "You should put her in charge of Yumi dono. It's about time she had an apprentice."
He continued to analyze her.
"I thought you would be the one to take her." He tempted. He understood her better than anyone; he had sacrificed himself for her after all, and he knew what would always ache the young woman.
"With my constant trips to Edo, it would be a waste. Yumi dono is closer to her age than Kaede dono or me." She explained. "I have a feeling she'll be the perfect sister."
Perhaps he should have spoken then; he still chided himself. Maybe he should have talked about the problem when he was there having tea with her. But he had been a coward, he reminded himself. It had taken them so long to achieve that peace that he couldn't conceive of tempting his luck.
Even if his silence hurt her and himself too.
...
So he had followed her instructions, and had called the little girl just a day after the talk he had with her. The young girl had been accompanied only by her father to the ceremonial room. After due introductions and bows, Momiji prostrated the box containing the ceremonial clothing and accessories of a shrine apprentice.
"These will be your clothes now." The woman told her. The Giji remained seated next to her. "You must give up any adornment."
Kaoru, who had been entranced by looking at the clothes and eager to touch them, was startled upon hearing the latest. Her hand flew by inertia to her hair, where the blue ribbon made into a bow rested.
"Must I do it?" She questioned unsure.
Momiji smiled at her with some pity.
"If you wish to become a priestess..."
The girl looked down.
"But that's still a long way to go. For now I'll be just an apprentice; can't I use it in the meantime?"
Both adults sighed, gave each other a look before turning back to the girl.
"I already said that it was too early," said Guji understandingly.
Kaoru looked at him confused.
"Maybe you should go home," Momiji finished. "Seeing as you're not quite ready for..."
Her words, however, were cut off, seeing the little girl undo the ribbon of her hair, letting it fall over her shoulders like a waterfall. Carefully folding the blue ribbon, she returned it to her father with a bow. Then she turned to the box from where she took the white ribbon; with it she tied her hair into a low ponytail, as dictated by protocol.
"Excuse my impertinence." She said when she finished, bowing again. "I'm ready now."
Jine remembered the admiration and pride he had felt then for the blue-eyed little girl. The father looked equally proud though sad. However, he also remembered that looking at Momiji he could only glimpse bewilderment. And not in a good way.
Momiji had looked really downhearted.
...
If only he had understood what it had meant.
The sixth division of the shinsengumi then assembled.
"We have one purge after another."
It is a new day, or rather a new night, since the sun was hidden and the moon ruled the sky. One more night of battles, death and decay. Jine felt that even the killer got fed up from time to time.
"If we continue like this, it won't be long before the people of Kyoto themselves will rise up against us," remarked the one in charge at the time.
Someone else that Jine did not remember, he only knew that it was not the captain of the division; and that the group that then met there were just followers. Which was fine, since it served his purpose of continuing to appear invisible and insignificant.
A poison that little by little is taking effect.
"It's all the extremists' fault," a man next to him complained.
Kaoru was in Edo then, along with Yumi -who would be the one to present her to the emperor- about to receive her title and head to the end of her pilgrimage. And during her absence, more divisions had broken out within the shogun's ranks.
!You also forget about the traitors."
Jine laughed, unable to contain himself; he was one of them after all.
"Udo," the one in front spoke to him. "This also goes for you. You must put a limit to your murderous desire."
Jine looked at him carefully, his smile fading and a bored expression taking its place.
"Level the scales, you mean?" He questioned.
"If that's how you want to see it. -His superior replied. -We cannot allow ourselves to always be seen as the aggressors, although in our favor, it puts us in a bad light in the eyes of the common people."
Jine nodded.
"I understand."
...
Honestly, they must have seen the ensuing massacre coming, he told himself.
...
The men -until then his companions- ran trying to get away from his sword.
"Stop!" "He's crazy!" They were screaming.
And they were right.
Only the words of the former priestess reverberated in his head.
"Kill them all"
Jine laughed and kept laughing long after finishing everyone off.
He did not know when he had lost consciousness. Nor how it was that he traveled from one memory to another from back to front without keeping a true order. At the moment, he was only a slave to reliving the scenes his fragmented mind wanted to show him.
"Guji sama" he heard a voice call him, young and melodious. He remembered who it was.
Yumi.
The young woman looked at him with concern. They were both in what had been Momiji's room, this hurt the man greatly; all his eyes saw was a thorn that lacerated the wounds in his heart.
"Why did you bring me here?" He questioned.
Yumi kindly looked contrite.
"Do you really need my answer?" She asked him.
The Guji felt like crying. He had to get away from Yumi as soon as possible.
"I'm dangerous now, Momiji..."
"I know." She cut him off, stopping him from getting up from the futon.
His gaze locked with hers.
"Of course." He finally concluded, relaxing. He was allowed to rest and be cared for by the miko. "Will they run away together then?" He questioned.
It was clear that he was referring to Kaoru and Kenshin. But Yumi bowed her head in sorrow; she continued to attend to him but did not look at him. He got it.
"No." He said disappointed. "No... that girl is as foolish as an old goat... Himura kun?"
Yumi sighed, then bowed to the ground.
"He will protect her tonight. So I ask for your support."
"If I received a yen for each parallelism..." He thought to himself. "In the end... she did require the protection of her own samurai."
Yumi straightened up and looked at him blankly.
"Guji-sama?"
But how could it be explained now? He thought. Everything had ended up being a disaster.
"What have you done to Himura?" he asked instead.
"Nothing he doesn't want to do himself," the miko assured.
Jine sharpened his gaze.
"Is there still time then?"
Yumi's heart jumped in alarm.
"Will you stop him?" She questioned worriedly, raising her voice.
In all honesty the ideal thing would be to stop him. Let things take their course according to protocol and allow Kaoru to ascend as religion dictates. But that would be against the order of his ex-partner.
"Kill them all." She had ordered. And given the circumstances, it would be better for Himura to face them.
"No. Even if I wanted to, I can't." He confessed. Yumi sighed in relief. He was bound by another duty. "But perhaps I can help from another front."
The young lady ahead of him understood instantly, and nodded in response.
"I'll help you with whatever you need," she promised.
...
The Guji -Jine- raised his left hand to his face, holding his head by the forehead. A pain overcame him then. Perhaps it was the power of the curse taking effect, perhaps it was his own injuries, perhaps it was the kamisama's own design to collect penance for the sins he would commit.
One or the other, his mind began to fragment and then fell apart right there. Precisely that day.
He regretted not listening to Momiji earlier. In a way, he was the cause of that tragedy. He had sworn to love and protect her, but somewhere he had gotten lost between his promise to the sanctuary and his oath to her. He had thought that sharing the same space, the same life, would be enough. He had been a fool.
...
It hadn't been Momiji who had noticed the parallels. It had not been she herself who had noticed the history between the two children. No. It had been he who had discovered it. It had been him, him and no one else, who had made her look in that direction and appreciate the beauty of that rare encounter.
"I heard that you allowed a ronin to join the sanctuary," Momiji had demanded as soon as she had returned to the sanctuary.
Kaede had gone ahead to receive her, and in the middle of the conversation, she had ended up revealing the situation of the blue-eyed apprentice and her new red-haired guardian.
"Say things the way you want to say them, Momiji" had been his answer, without taking his eyes off his work.
Momiji crossed her arms in annoyance, sat across from him.
"A ronin living in the same room as a miko apprentice, a seer as well. What were you thinking?!"
The Guji barely blinked.
"The request came from Kaoru dono herself; I'm sure Yumi dono told you too."
"This is very risky and reckless, as well as improper!" She cut him off, slamming both hands on the table, palms outstretched, preventing him from continuing to ignore her.
The priest frowned, irritated.
"Himura kun is the red boy that Kaoru dono's visions have asked her to look for."
She blinked and looked surprised.
"What are you saying?"
"Momiji..." He sighed tiredly. "Just watch her. She's happy now. Wasn't that what you wanted?" He urged. "Whatever Himura-kun's participation in all this, we must have faith that they are the designs of kamisama himself."
The miko pulled herself together, sitting back to her proper seat.
"What did she say exactly?"
Kaoru's words reverberated in his mind then.
"I found Shinta." She had said happy. "And this time, I'll make the connection."
"She said that as a chosen of kamisama, she should have her own samurai at her service," he answered.
"And you believed her?"
He had to, he remembered himself Kaoru had shown him, in her own way, glimpses - bits really - of scenes that would occur in the future. And when he had consulted with the tables, they had shown him the same messages over and over again.
...
"You have a little bird to rescue."
"Save Kaoru."
...
"I believe her." He finally answered. 'But I pray she's wrong.'
Sadly it had not been like that. And just like each and every one of her visions, those too came true. For once, he understood why everyone in the sanctuary wanted to save the blue-eyed miko.
Especially the red boy.
Himura Kenshin was a naive young man with innocent feelings. He was too kind to be a swordsman, regardless of his skill with his sword and his quick reflexes; the young man needed to disconnect from himself and play with a more visceral area to be able to attack as a murderer should. If he came to the war as he was, his conscience would soon be divided. Two consciousnesses would constantly face each other for dominance and, if they continued fighting without something or someone to protect, to keep them connected to their human side, the murderer would end up dominating.
So maybe, it was alright -in a way- that his path crossed Kaoru's. Little by little, the young girl had become that piece he needed. Even with their first confrontation and separation, both children had remained connected to each other. Their reunion, except perhaps for the first moments, left no evidence that they had been apart. And the only thing that had changed perhaps, was the longing with which they saw each other.
The contact between them was much more natural and constant. Almost imperceptible touches, glances that sparked smiles when they crossed each other. That was how he had found Himura then: watching Kaoru from the garden while she was practicing the Kagura dance.
"You like her," he told him as soon as he reached him, unable to resist.
Himura nearly died of fright.
"Guji-sama!" he exclaimed, flushed cheeks.
The man cleared his throat before turning his attention to the young girl; the boy imitated him.
"Forgive my rudeness. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable," he told him.
Then, noticing the young man's silence, he gave him a meaningful look. Himura reddened again, this time even more strongly.
"She's my friend." He answered embarrassed.
Guji sighed.
"She will always be." He declared, not ignoring the look of annoyance that crossed the boy's face. Almost imperceptible but still there. "Does that bother you?"
The redhead shifted uncomfortably.
"No." He said instantly, then regretted it after remembering who he was with. "Yes..." He confessed and regretted it again, because not even he was sure of what he felt. "Sometimes?" He said before complaining again and making excuses. "Forgive me. I'm not myself."
The man could have laughed, but that didn't make him laugh, just longing.
"On the contrary, you are." He noticed.
Himura looked at him confused.
"Guji-sama?"
The man's gaze was lost in the scene inside the dojo, where Kaoru was practicing the dance with the help of Momiji, Kaede and Yumi. Her eyes locked on the older one's.
"You're not the only one, you know?" He said finally, after a brief silence. "Neither are you the first nor will you be the last to fall in love with someone you cannot reach."
Mutism.
Himura turned to face the dojo. His eyes were equally lost in admiring the owner of his affections. Kuchiyose was less than two weeks away.
"What should one do in this situation?" The boy asked sadly.
"We let them go." The man answered instantly. Aware of the moment in which the young man's heart had been wounded. "We leave them free, so they can shine and grow as they should."
So he had been unsure of Momiji's motives. He knew what the latter and the other priestesses were planning; he even knew about the own machinations of Kaoru's brother, Koishijiro... but then he had been undecided, and his reason had won that fight.
Now he wished he had said something different to Himura. To have even invited him to accept some of the miko's brother's proposals.
"If only..." He was sorry.
That's why he understood that, in a way, it was his fault that Himura was unable to express his wishes. To reveal what he felt with the right words.
"I wanted to go with you!" Kaoru had cried.
So shattered by the reality of her world, by the weight of her own decision. Jine would have wanted to intervene then, convince them of the reasons why they should run. But even he didn't know if happiness really lay in flight. Instead he had chosen to stay, to protect the dream he had thought was Momiji's.
Both immature and foolish, they had given in to the wishes they believed in the other. And even though his dreams had been dashed in the end, he couldn't deny that there had been happiness in that life. Moments he wouldn't trade for anything. Lessons that otherwise would not have been able to learn. And, he was sure, Kaoru's path in the shrine still held passages for her that she would not find anywhere else. And if Himura was destined to go to war, perhaps it would be better for both of them to remain with an impossible love...
"Kaoru dono..." Himura had said, as soon as the young girl's tears had begun to subside. "I know..." He said, not realizing that he was crying too.
Jine had left them then, going out to meet Yumi, who was still keeping watch while the rest of her priests took away the Maekkai that Himura had defeated moments before.
"So, we make the same mistake." Jine declared, after leaving the atrium. "No. On the contrary. You children are so much more authentic." He concluded, then raised his face to the sky. "Momiji... I have to let him go."
...
When the last member was taken into custody. Jine approached Yumi. It was already early morning, and soon Kaoru would wake up in the atrium to discover the absence of her partner. He had seen what Himura had done and glimpsed the breaking of his spirit; there was no more left to do.
"You have to go." The man told Yumi. "As soon as Kaoru dono receives recognition from his highness, the emperor, you will have to leave the sanctuary."
The young woman looked at him puzzled. Actually, she must have already known, but hearing it face to face had undoubtedly been a blow. The sanctuary was her home.
"Is there no other way?" She ventured.
He denied with his head.
"I wish there was." He told her.
Yumi nodded, wiping her tears with her kimono sleeve. "Once Guji-sama leaves, I won't be able to keep the curse at bay," she warned.
"I am aware of that," he said understandingly, sadness in his eyes, "but I prefer a quick death."
If he would end up losing his sanity anyway, he wanted that to happen quickly so that he wouldn't have to lacerate himself with the acts he was about to commit. He wished he didn't have to be aware of his own lack of control.
"Where will you go now? In his condition, you can't take care of her."
"I can and will do." He refuted. He wasn't planning on getting away from the blue-eyed girl, not yet at least. "But don't worry, I'll keep my mind drowned in other duties."
Yumi nodded.
"What about Himura-kun?" She asked worried.
He frowned.
He felt a chill as he remembered the manner in which the boy had murdered and the break in his psyche that had followed.
"He is lost. -He declared, to the miko's regret. -For now."
Maybe later, he told himself, but not yet.
He had been convinced, he told himself. Kaoru had finally stopped crying, and her determination was evident in each of her actions. The priestess was ready.
Jine stirred with a sudden start. He smelled blood in the air, and knew that a new group was out looking for him.
'Pathetic,' he thought, 'they're all pathetic.'
He returned to his musings.
He had been convinced that Kaoru would stay with Himura after their second meeting. After having abandoned Mito, having even crossed paths with Himura's teacher, Seijuro Hiko; Jine had been convinced that Kaoru had chosen to run with Himura. Even Hikari had impersonated her.
But not.
In the end, after returning to the prayer room. After being received by the people of Kyoto and proceeding with the ceremony to Inari, Kaoru had once again settled in the sanctuary... Which could only mean one thing.
She had accepted the deal from the Kiyosato house.
...
That had been a horrible day.
"I propose a deal." The boy, Shinji, had said. "One that will put an end to the government's doubts towards the sanctuary."
Jine had known then what the clan leader had been about to offer; he even knew that Kaoru sensed it as well. He had been taking care of her for months. Avoiding any approach, taking care of the path to trace for when she decided it was time to run, but it had not yet arrived. It was normal, he had said to herself, after the trauma of the attack on the sanctuary, Kaoru should live in mourning.
And even so.
"Accept an omiai (betrothal) between the shrine and the Kiyosato clan," Shinji stated.
Kaoru shook her head before answering.
"I can't." She stated. "I have consecrated myself to the sanctuary. I can't. What you ask of me is impossible."
Not to mention that her heart belonged to another -as well as his did- the exguji wanted to say, but he couldn't reveal his presence yet.
"There have been empresses who were priestesses first," refuted that annoying boy.
"And none of them survived." Kaoru reminded him.
A selfish response.
"Kaoru," the leader growled, and Jine felt like snapping his neck for the impoliteness of mentioning the miko's name as if they were close. "You and I know that there's more than our lives in this. We make the sacrifice for the good of all."
"I can't." She repeated.
"I'm not asking if you want. -He pressed. -You have few outlets to keep the sanctuary and what it represents safe. The war has already begun, and it will soon engulf Kyoto as well. You can do much more if you have the support and not just the handouts of a clan."
That was true...
"I have my family name," she refuted, irritated.
"And it won't be enough. You know it." He cut her off.
In the silence that followed, Jine knew that both he and Kaoru herself understood that the annoying little boy was right.
"After your pilgrimage, I will present the proposal to you again. Think about it in the meantime."
And even so...
Kaoru had gotten up, after giving him a look full of suspicion, she left the room.
He had been so sure that Kaoru would stick with her decision that he didn't understand why she had changed her mind.
"Why? Why? Why!?" He questioned.
He stood up. His head was still pounding but there was more anger than pain.
"Why had she turned herself in?"
Himura's abandonment could only mean one thing. Kaoru was still steadfast in her devotion to the sanctuary, so much so that she had undoubtedly accepted that political deal. But why? If it had been Momiji...
"No." Stated. "No!" He repeated himself more forcefully.
"Don't make me do this Momiji, don't make me!" He laments.
"Udo Jine!"
The man stopped. The curse pulsed in his chest, the adrenaline pumping.
This was a bad time to find him.
"We have come to finish you off!"
"Ah, another group of shinsengumi. What eagerness of theirs to send puppies to face a monster!"
He unsheathed his katana and charged at the group, not giving them time to respond.
"I don't have time for you now," he growled, burying his sword in another samurai.
There were a couple that put up a fight; that could have even finished him off, but Jine had the shin-no-ippo. As soon as they looked at him, they fell under the spell.
And then it was easy to pierce them.
Another group arrived then.
"Miserables. They are all the same." He growled in his mind.
He lunged at the group once more, killing two before he was struck in the side.
"Agh!" He screamed in pain.
The blow sent him a couple of meters away to the left of the group.
When he collected himself, he got up and stared at his assailant.
"Himura..." he growled.
Kenshin was standing with his sword drawn, the blood was still on the blade, dripping to the ground to stain the grass.
Jine reared up in anger.
"Why? -He claimed. -Why don't you let me kill them all!?" he roared. "Everyone deserves it. Each and every one of them destroyed her happiness."
Himura sharpened his gaze; his eyes had a strange, fierce and dangerous shine. There was doubt in them.
"That doesn't give me the right to decide for her," the boy replied without leaving his defense posture.
Jine looked at him carefully.
"You did once," he reminded him.
He had been there when Himura had finished off the Shogun's men, the night of Kaoru's Kuchiyose.
Himura shuddered.
"I won't make the same mistake twice," he assured.
The ex-guji could not help but laugh to the bewilderment of those present.
"So you prefer to give it up." He said when the laughter subsided. "How stupid! You waste your life and hers on an absurd ideal."
That was like a blow to the young samurai, who knew how fleeting his hope was; hence the reason why he was fighting.
"Maybe. But I can't give up now."
"I wonder if she'll feel the same way," the assassin interrupted.
He had detected the presence of the bird not far from where they were currently. 'Ah, so she had also gone looking for him.'
Kenshin, noticing the change, held out his ki.
"Himura," the Guji spoke to him, and Kenshin was unable to avoid looking at him in that moment.
It was in that oversight that Jine attacked him. The young samurai froze under the ancient miko's favorite technique, Momiji shin-no-ippo.
"We'll see who gets to her first, Himura," the assassin mocked.
And the next moment he went out in search of the bird.
"No! Jine!"
Jine knew that Himura would be able to break free; his ki was strong enough to break the spell. But it would take him a while to do it.
...
When he reached the bird, however, she was not alone. Surrounded by her fellow maekkai and a posse of shinsengumi, the miko was unreachable. The wound that Himura had given him was still bleeding as well.
Unknowingly, the samurai had stopped him from killing.
"Come see me by yourself" he said to the miko.
Which stayed behind, freeing and probably healing those who had fallen behind under his spell.
...
That's why, he was surprised that she went looking for him, as he had asked, but even more so that she hadn't gone hunting for him. No. The blue-eyed girl intended to help him if that was possible.
But then...
"I know that your mission for me was another." She said.
And hell broke loose in his soul again...!
He chased her like prey.
He caught her when she had been about to escape.
"If the bird doesn't want to be rescued, the only way to save it is to kill it!"
And he was almost in time to kill her.
"Kenshin!"
But then she had called out to Himura as if she had always known he was there. A part of his consciousness stirred, even more so when said samurai materialized in front of him and attacked him a second time.
"Aaah!" He scream of pain.
"I'm sorry. But I can't allow it." The boy had said.
And seeing him only made him laugh harder.
He had lost his mind then. Drowned in madness, he set about pursuing the two lovers.
The murderer he had become recognized the murderer in the boy -Himura- and was filled with ecstasy. It was easy to provoke him, too easy to make his heart burn with frustration and anger.
He could see his own struggle in the young samurai's eyes, the frustration of not being able to correctly decide how to proceed. And perhaps his own sanity, if there was really any of it left, wanted him to kill him.
Yeah.
...
Udo Jine wished to die.
...
He parried a thrust that would have been perfect, and holding Himura's outstretched arm, he pulled him closer so he could whisper in his ear.
"You are doomed just like me. She will never choose you."
That had been an accurate blow.
Himura had retracted to let go and turned in a single movement. His sword struck straight into his enemy's face managing to break his nose on the spot.
Jine recovered from the blow, managing to stay upright, but Himura had attacked again and this time, he was serious.
"Ah," thought the Guji and the assassin alike, "so it ends then."
"NO!"
...
Time slowed down.
...
"Do not kill him!" Kaoru yelled.
...
And in that split second, Kenshin flips the katana.
...
The blow, although it hurts him enough, does not kill him.
The priestess runs towards him as soon as he falls face down to the ground with a loud thud.
"Guji-sama!"
Kenshin is quick to stop her; his right hand bleeding, and a bruise has started to form on his wrist.
"Kaoru dono!"
The young woman stops, steadied by her companion's grasp on her right hand. The look she gives him disarms him.
"He won't hurt me," she assured him with a shaky voice.
Kenshin hesitates for a moment before letting her go.
The miko reaches where Jine lies, coughing as he tries to catch his lost breath.
"Guji sama," she speaks to him in a soft voice, not knowing where to hold the man.
Suddenly the man grabs her hand, but the grip is too loose to be considered a threat. His sword has fallen away from him as well.
"Guji sama there is no reason to do this." she says. "Please..."
The eyes of man look everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
"I still have to kill them all," he says in a cracked voice.
Kaoru's heart breaks at such suffering.
"There's no one left anymore... -She says with a broken voice, getting him to finally look at her. -You've done with everyone."
This time it is Jine's heart that breaks; breaks into a thousand pieces. He hadn't even realized that he had been crying during the fight.
"Momiji..." he sobbed.
Kaoru cries with him and clings to the hand he holds her with.
"I think that's enough..." She tells him. "It's enough" She cries... she finally knows how to break that spell. "Momiji sama... She...It's enough..." She sobs.
It is then that Jine is finally able to see Momiji. Not a vague memory, nor the sad image of his dead body as she died. But Momiji herself, through Kaoru.
And her smile is sad.
Jine shakes her head.
"Even if it ended now..." He sobs. "No. After all the lives I've taken... How could I erase such sins?" He was a doomed man; there was no salvation for him.
But Kaoru, innocent Kaoru, doesn't give up.
"Still..." she insists, wiping away her tears. "It's possible." She assures him, the smile she gives him is shy but clean like water from a virgin river. "As long as you're willing to change. It's not late."
Finally, Jine sees what both, Momiji and Kaede, and Yumi too, had seen in the blue-eyed girl. Why it was so important to protect her, to save her.
'Your path must not end here.' He thinks within himself, and makes a decision then.
"We'll all help you." The miko continues, with her eyes full of hope. "Everyone in the sanctuary will receive you. We will now be the ones who take care of it. To protect you."
Jine uses his last strength to get to his feet, leaning on Kaoru to do so.
Himura jumps in alarm for a moment, it's obvious that he doesn't fully trust him, and with good reason, Jine reflects. But she is not his mission now.
He looks straight at Kaoru and dares to caress her face. Internally proud and touched that she doesn't shy away from him, or fear him, contrary to Himura who has tensed up behind the young girl.
"Your eyes, without a doubt, are capable of looking at what the human eye cannot." He tells the young miko; there is an echo of the affection that he once had for her, and that still lies in his heart.
Kaoru smiles, a bit embarrassed and confused.
"How could I not see what I have in front of me?" She says in response to the Jine's words. "Guji sama, for years you protected us. Let this time be us the ones in charge."
"Redemption, is that what you offer?" He questions, unable to hide the hint of a smile.
Kaoru nods.
"Everyone has the right to a second chance."
He frowns. 'No,' he tells himself, 'you can't be so naive.'
"I am an assasin..."
"Not by choice! She interrupts him forcefully. That only cements the man's concern for her. But Kaoru is unable to realize this... "Guji sama, the spell can be broken."
"Oh," he thinks. "You are certainly your father's daughter." Jine smiles understandingly at her. "That philosophy, perhaps one day, as you say, will end up saving more lives than those who now end up dying for it."
The latter confuses her, of course.
"Guji-sama?"
It is at that moment that Jine feels the wolf approaching...
"But perhaps, even for men like me, redemption is possible."
Himura is the second to notice.
"Kaoru!"
"Protect her" Jine asks as his last request. He knows that Himura has been able to hear the wolf as well. The boy managed to push Kaoru away in time, hugging her and pulling her away from the attack.
...
The sword plunges into the man's back and through his chest.
...
Kaoru yells
"No!"
Kenshin holds her back.
"Don't look!" He tells her, not knowing if he is ordering or begging her, while he hugs her and holds her with one arm, and covers her eyes with the other.
"Not while I'm here," declares the captain of the shinsengumi's 10th division, Saito Hajime.
The sword comes out with a thud, and Jine's body falls sideways onto the ground.
"Guji-sama! Guji-sama!" Kaoru keeps screaming his name.
But Kenshin doesn't let her go.
"Good." Thinks Jine. "Hold on to her, Himura." He tells her, and it seems that he smiles.
...
His lips utter one last and only word before dying.
"Mo...miji..."
He would finally meet her.
A/N: Kenshin was affected by Jine's technique because, in this story, he is just the teenager who is about to become a murderer; age and inexperience play a trick on him this time. And that is why it takes time to free himself from the enchantment. Luckily he was able to do it before Jine killed Kaoru... woof!
The next timeless chapter...
Can you guess whose it will be? =)
