(Violet's Pov)
I was woken up from a dream. It wasn't a bad dream so to speak. It was just a dream of what had happened a few months ago. When I beat Joan's brain in with a bat. I look around the room a bit and looked down to see Clementine sleeping still. I smiled at her and moved a piece of hair out of her face. It had gotten longer and I felt my own head for a bit. I got up out of the bed and headed to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror for a while. I guess I was in there for a long time because I hear a knock on the door and I turn to see Clem looking at me. She comes up to me and gives me a hug and I hugged her back. We had decided that we would just hug before we would talk about what was on our mind, it felt good in all honesty before we pulled apart and she looks at me.
"Are you ok?" She asked and I nod at this.
"I mean… for the most part, it's just… the dream I had." I tell her and she nods and we go back to the room and take a seat on the bed.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked me. I think for a bit. I place my hand on hers and pat it a bit before I got up and paced the room a bit.
"It was about Joan again." I mutter as I look at her. She nods at this but looks down. I rubbed my neck and look to the floor.
"I was beating her brains in over and over and over, and it felt peaceful at that time when I did it… I wanted to kill her and I did, and it felt great at the time… she's gone… she's fucking gone and out of my life and she won't hunt us down but… she killed all those people… like a fucking cult leader and I should feel glad about taking her life but then… I don't know I guess you were right about how taking a life or something I can't remember." I tell her and look up at her.
"So, you feel bad now for killing her?" she asked.
"No… I don't she deserved it after everything she has done, she needed to die because if she did that to someone else than I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for anything that happens." I tell her. I take a seat on the bed and look at her.
"I don't regret it but should I have done that?" I asked her.
"I can't tell you if you shouldn't have or should have, personally I would have done it so you wouldn't but I wasn't able to stop you… you were so adamant on doing it yourself." She says and I rubbed my neck a bit. I move my hand away as she looked to me it was a bad habit and I have been trying to stop but it was hard. We sat in silence for a bit before I pat the bed a bit and I get up.
"Alright… well I know I don't regret killing her… just wish I could have torcher her." I say.
"You don't mean that."
"I do, what she did to me was vile and disgusting and… and scary and I just couldn't deal with it and I didn't want someone else to deal with it… she tricked me, she used me, she used you and… and the kids against me to keep me in line and it was bad… it was so God damn bad and it never should have happened in the first place but it did." I ranted as I paced the room again.
"She should have delt with what she did to me, she should have fucking suffered like I did she was a monster." I tell her.
"I get it, I do." She says and I sighed at this.
"What are your dreams of exactly?" She asked and I look to the side a bit and place my hands on my hips then look to her.
"I am standing over her with a bat in my hand… I was gripping it tightly… my knuckles were turning white from how hard I was griping it." I tell her an I look at the floor.
"Then the bat turned into a knife and I was basically carving her up… leaving cuts all over her face, cutting her up like a fucking animal, but just her face, it's always her face nothing else… to the point she is unrecognizable… then there is a… machete on a table to the side… I pick it up and whack her with it a few times too… but this time on her arms and legs… cutting them off as she screamed for me to stop… but I didn't." I tell her and I rubbed my neck.
"Anything else?" She asked and I look to her.
"In another dream… I had a rope in my hand… and I put the rope around her neck and pulled it hard… really hard… and I tied her to…" I stopped and took a breath and looked to Clementine and I paced the room a bit.
"To a truck and I got in it, an drove… for how long I don't know but I know it made her suffer… made her… hurt." I tell Clem and she looks at me with a bit of shock in her face and I take a breath.
"I just… wanted her to suffer." I tell her.
"But like that?" She asked.
"She put me in a room with a Walker, with no weapon and no way out, she cut me… beat the hell out of me… touched me." I mutter the last part and I look to the floor.
"She should have suffered, she deserved to suffer, but she didn't." I say.
"She did… getting hit with a bat like that it's painful as all hell." Clementine tells me and I look up a bit.
"Can we not talk about this?" I asked her and she nods at this and I nod as well. We hear a door open and we know it was AJ coming out the room. I rubbed my neck a bit as I looked to her and she gets up from the bed.
"I'll make you some coffee, and then we can go talk to the others when you are ready, just rest up a bit ok?" She tells me and I nod a little as I take a seat on the bed as she leaves the room. I kept thinking over and over again and I stand up and paced the room and gripped my head as I breathed. I hear the door open and I look to see AJ as he looks to me.
"You ok?" He asked and I shake my head and he comes over to me and I take a seat on the floor and he sits next to me as I tried to breath. AJ told me how to breath and I followed his directions which helped a bit but I was still out of it for a bit.
"Hey, it's ok… do you want to talk about it?" He asked and I shake my head.
"No… no I'm good I just… need some alone time." I tell him and he nods.
"Ok… Clementine said coffee is ready when you want it." He tells me and I nod as I get up with him and we head out to the kitchen and I grabbed the mug of coffee as Clem handed it to me. I took a drink and looked to the window and saw how nice it was and drank some of the coffee.
"I was thinking about going to the garden." Clem says and I nod then think.
"I'll head into town." I say and she looked to me and I nod.
"Mind if I come?" AJ asked and I look to him and I nod.
"Sure, nothing wrong with that." I say and he goes to get his bag and I look at Clem.
"Are you sure you're ok?" She asked and I nod.
"Yea, AJ and I could go hunting too, you know bonding." I say and she smiles at me.
"How are you?" I asked her and she looked at me.
"I'm happy… but I worry about you." She says and I nod.
"I know telling you to not worry wouldn't help but, I am ok, I'll figure all of this out sooner or later." I tell her.
"But you don't need to do it alone, you have me and all our friends, hell AJ wouldn't mind if you talked to him… he misses talking to you." She tells me and I nod a bit at this.
"I am sorry… I'll try to be a bit better." I tell her.
"Don't make it a task on a list of things you need to do… take your time." She tells me and I nod.
"Alright… alright I will." I tell her and she nods and AJ comes back over to us and I smile to him and ruffled his head and he laughed at me and we headed out. We still had the Humvee and we decided to take it out into the town and I stopped near a school for AJ and we go inside. AJ went into the classroom and grabbed a few books and he took a seat as he picked out the ones he wanted to read, throwing the history books to the side.
"I hate history." He says and I chuckle.
"I know history sucks but, in all honesty, when the world gets better you need to know so it doesn't repeat." I tell him.
"As if the apocalypse would happen again." He mutters and I look to him sadly and took a seat in the desk next to him. I patted the table a bit and chuckled.
"What's so funny?" He asked and I look to him.
"Been a long time since I've been to school." I tell him and he looks to me.
"I want to say something but I don't know if it would be upsetting." He tells me and I look at him.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I… I know you and Clem… if you were to get bit… you want me to shoot you but…. Clem didn't do that to Lee did she?" He asked and I look at him a bit and then away.
"How?" I asked him.
"When you and her were talking one night… when she screamed because she had a nightmare I heard you two talking and she mentioned Lee and him being bit." He tells me and I look to him.
"Why do you think it would upset us?" I asked him.
"Because I wouldn't be able to do it… if Clem can't why would she think I could? Why would she make me do it if she couldn't how do you think that would make me feel? Did either of you think of that? At the age I was." He states and I sighed and rubbed my neck and then looked to the front of the classroom and think.
"AJ… we were young when we said it… it was… wrong I suppose but we didn't want you to see us as Walkers, we didn't want you to see us like that, but we also didn't want you to have to leave a weapon either… if you had a gun, I would want you to have it, not give it to me and waste a weapon… Clem she… when she got bit you wouldn't have to have taken her out if she turned… I couldn't make you take her out." I tell him.
"What about you?" He asked and I was confused.
"What if you got bit… back then?" He asked and I look at him.
"… I was a nobody to you at that time." I tell him.
"No, you weren't." He says and I look at him.
"You were not a nobody to me, you were a friend of mine, and then a parent as well, you were a part of my life and if you got bit… I'd be losing another mom." He tells me and I felt tears in my eyes and I rubbed my face.
"I just felt as if it wouldn't be that hard for someone you didn't really know at the time." I tell him.
"You were married to Clementine at the time, you are family to me, so that makes no sense, how could you be a nobody if you were married to Clem when you said that to me?" He asked and I think a bit.
"I felt that I was still a nobody at the time, some kids don't take to well to having a uh… step parent?" I asked and laughed a bit at this.
"I know it sounds stupid I know it does but that's how I felt… and I still feel that way I was a pretty shitty parent." I tell him and he looks at me.
"Why do you say that?" He asked and think back to Mary and I look to the desk.
"Mary… when she died, I felt like shit… I was supposed to keep her safe… I should have never let you two come with me that day and I did out of stupidity I should have… I should have not… I messed up." I say as I look at a book and picked it up.
"Joan was a crazy bitch that deserved to die." He says and I look at him a bit and looked down.
"I uh… I get why you feel like that." I tell him.
"Are you having regrets?" He asked.
"A bit… I don't regret killing her but I have had nightmares about it." I tell him.
"Why? She deserved it, all of it." He says and I chuckled sadly and nodded.
"She did but… my dreams get pretty dark because of it." I tell him.
"Dark?" He asked and I think again and shake my head.
"No not today." I say and stand up.
"Is it that bad?" He asked and I turned to look at him and just nod. We head around the town a bit and find some seeds for the garden, and I found a teddy bear for Delilah though she is getting older there isn't much for kids, I hope she still likes stuffed animals. I then look to AJ to see him looking at toys as well and I smiled a bit.
"Want one?" I asked him.
"No I'm an adult." He says and I chuckled.
"Even adults can have something fun." I tell him and he looked to me and I sighed.
"Sorry I keep thinking you're still a kid." I tell him.
"Will you ever think of me as an adult?" He asked and I look to the side a bit and rubbed my neck.
"I will I promise you I am not trying to be rude on it, I mean you'll always be a kid to me just… I don't want you growing up so fast." I tell him honestly.
"But I am growing up, I'm going to keep growing up." He says and I chuckled and nodded.
"Yea… it's just scary for me." I tell him as we walked more. we finally got what we needed and I took him back to the trailer park. He gets out and I stay in the Humvee and look to see Clementine in the garden and I saw a blur, like the moment a tv goes static but it was in real life. I shake my head a bit and ran my hand through my hair a bit and looked back to see Clementine looking at me worried but I shake my head and get out the Humvee. I walk over to her and she sands up a bit and I look at her.
"Violet?" She asked me and I just look at her.
"Violet are you ok?" She asked and I place my hands on her cheeks and smiled a bit.
"Sorry guess I got caught in your beauty." I joke and she laughed a bit.
"You had me worried." She laughed and I set my hands away from her face and looked to the side. I saw AJ giving Delilah the teddy bear and she hugs him and I look to Clem who sees this and smiles. I look at her more and kissed her cheek and she looks at me.
"Very affectionate hu?" She asked and I nod.
"Yea, I am." I tell her and kissed her and she kisses me back and when I pulled back the static vision happened again and I back up a bit and look to see Joan behind her and I stare at her a bit.
"Vi-." I hear but it stops as I keep staring until Joan just disappeared and I shake my head and look to Clem who is looking at me.
"Violet?" She asked.
"Yea?" I asked and looked back to not see anyone and then back to Clementine.
"I asked if you wanted to have some carrots for dinner." She says and I nod.
"Sure, love carrots." I tell her and she nods and gets back to work in the garden and I look to her then to where I saw Joan. I walk over to where I saw her and I look around to see nothing but I walked around the wall a bit. it wasn't long till the static came back and I saw Mary and just stared at her as she stared back at me. There was blood coming from the side of her head it was still oozing out as if the injury was fresh, blood pouring to her shirt as she walked up to me and she finally stopped in front of me. I could smell the sent of rotting flesh and it made me sick as I covered my nose to stop the smell but it was still there. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out but she grabbed me by my shirt and I felt it as she pulled me close to her.
"VIOLET!" I hear and shake my head as I was looking at a Walker staring at me from the wall my hand in an upward motion about to touch it. I pulled my hand back and looked to see Aasim looking at me and the others running up to me and I back up and laughed a bit.
"What? The Walker can't get me." I tried to joke and they didn't seem to laugh and I rubbed my neck a bit as AJ pulled me back and I look to them confused but they didn't say anything. I rubbed my neck a bit confused at all of this and they wouldn't say anything.
"I uh… um… did I do something?" I asked.
"No, no just come away from there." Clem says as she comes up and takes me away from the wall. I was still confused but shrugged it off as I followed AJ and Clem to our trailer and I rubbed my head confused a bit. We all head over to the middle of the trailer park and sat where the bonfire was set up and I take a seat still a bit confused on what was happening.
"Seriously did I do something wrong?" I asked.
"No just you were staring at the Walker a bit." AJ says and I look to him but he didn't look at me and I see his fingers twiddling together.
"You're lying." I say to him and he looks to me and I look at the others.
"It's fine nothing to worry about." Aasim says and I shake my head. Omar had said the food was ready so we go and have some lunch and I look at my bowl a bit then look up to see Joan again as she stood behind Clementine. I shake my head a bit at this and ate my food and looked to the side of the gate and take the time to think.
"Let's play a card game." Louis says and I shrugged and ate a bit as he passed the cards around and I look at him.
"High versus low?" I asked.
"Yep and we get to talk no high card asking low card we just talk." He says and I nod as we all play the game and I see AJ looking at me and I look back to Clem to see Joan just looking at me. I keep my composure and looked to my cards as we flipped them and I get the cards this time.
"Are we really not going to talk about it?" Louis asked and I look at him as he looked to the others.
"Talk about what?" I asked.
"You." He says and I look confused then I look back to Clementine confused.
"Ok, tell me what the hell happened?" I asked.
"You… were calling the Walker Mary." Minerva says and I look to her then to the others. Clem was shaking her head as she looked to Minerva and I look back to Clem.
"I did?" I asked.
"Yes, for God's sake we can't keep that from her." Minerva says and I look to her as she looked back to me.
"You called the Walker Mary, and you tried to reach out to her… it." She says and I rubbed the back of my head and I look up to still see Joan behind Clementine. Again, I kept my composure but I did get up from my seat.
"I'm just tired that's all… I'll head to bed." I tell them as I head to my trailer and I head to the bedroom. I look around a bit and find a book and grab it then head to the bed and read for a bit as time went by I hear the door open and I look up to see Joan looking at me and I see a knife in her hand. I quickly get up and back up to my nightstand.
"My little flower what's wrong?" She asked and I glare at her and say nothing as she walked up to me.
"Flower?" She says and I opened the nightstand a bit and grabbed for anything inside it, which happened to be my knife. She comes closer to me and I just glare at her then quickly pulled the knife out and I knocked her into the wall and place the knife to her neck.
"You're fucking dead how are you here?" I asked pissed placing the knife to her neck more and she quickly puts her hands to my arm as she dropped the knife.
"Violet." I hear and glare at Joan.
"HOW ARE YOU HERE?!" I yelled and I felt myself be pulled back and I was hit in the face. I shake my head and look to see Clementine holding her neck and I look to see Louis and Minerva as they looked to me with wide eyes and I take a few deep breaths and look back to Clem.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Louis yelled and I look at him.
"What? Wait but Joan." I mutter.
"SHE'S DEAD YOU STUPID BITCH!" He yelled and I shake my head.
"No.. no I saw her she had a knife she came in here with a knife." I say to him.
"Clem came in here to check on you." Minerva says and I shake my head and then grip my hair.
"No… no she was here she had a knife, I fucking swear." I tell them and then Louis picked me up and pinned me to the wall. I see static and I shake my head as I see Joan again and I glare at her and shove her off me. I grabbed my knife but I felt hands stop me as I raised it up.
"SHE'S RIGHT FUCKING THERE!" I yell as I tried to stab her.
"VIOLET STOP!" I hear and I tried to shove the person off me I was able to get someone off but I had more hands on me.
"Come on Flower, you don't want to hurt me." She says.
"FUCK YOU BITCH!" I yell as I tried to go after her but I can't.
"GET OFF ME!" I yelled and was pulled back someone grabbing my hand with the knife and I tried to shove them off.
"I NEED TO END HER!" I yelled again at the person holding me back.
"MOM!" I hear and look to see AJ as he looks at me.
"Joan, she's right there." I say getting scared as I turn to see her getting up. I then see AJ get in front of me and I tried to move so she wouldn't hurt him.
"AASIM HELP!" I hear as I tried to shove the people off me and I am pulled out the room and I was smacked in the face. I look to see Aasim, Minerva, and Clementine looking at me and I take a shaky breath and look around to see I was in the hallway. I look back to the room where AJ was and I get up shoving Minerva to the side and I see AJ and grabbed him and looked around the room.
"Where is she?" I asked as I looked around the room more.
"Who?" AJ asked.
"Joan… she… she was right there." I said as I waved around the room and looked to everyone.
"Joan is dead." Louis says and I shake my head.
"No, no she wasn't, she was right fucking here." I say and look around the room even opening the closet and looking around.
"She's gone crazy." Louis says and I glare at him.
"Fuck-."
"Yea, fuck me, I'm wrong whatever, you've gone mad, you killed Joan months ago but fuck it." Louis says and I look to him then to the hallway and I shake my head and take a seat on the bed and think.
"No… no she was right there." I mutter and look up a bit and take a breath.
"Let me talk to her." I hear and look to see Clem walking in and I watch as the others leave. Both Clem and AJ stayed in the room and I take a few breaths.
"You should sleep." AJ says and I shake my head.
"No... not if Joan is still out there, she's still alive." I mutter.
"Violet, you killed her, you beat her head in with a bat, you just talked to me this morning about your dream." Clementine tells me and I sigh.
"She's still out there, she's still trying to come after me I know it." I mutter and look to Clem as she rubbed her face a bit.
"You need sleep." She tells me and I look to the floor a bit then back to her and I nod.
"Alright… alright I will." I tell her and she nods.
"Lay down I'll be back tonight." She tells me and I nod as they both leave and I look around the room and check it all over, under the bed, in the closet, hell I even checked inside the chest we had for clothes and I see nothing. I guess I felt a little better at this but I still couldn't sleep. I take a few minutes and lay in the bed as I hear footsteps and I close my eyes to at least pretend to sleep. I hear the door open and then footsteps, I feel someone place their hand on my side and then I hear the person sigh just a bit. I knew it was Clementine and then I hear someone else.
"Give her some time to sleep." I hear Ruby says.
"I'm just worried for her." I hear Clementine say and I still kept my eyes closed.
"I know, I know but I think she just needs some rest for now, come on let's let her be." Ruby says and I feel Clementine rub my side a bit and then the bed lifted up a bit from the lack of weight and then the door closed. I get back up and look to the door and then I looked to my nightstand and see the knife was gone and wasn't put back. I look around the room and find a hidden shank and I bring it to the bed with me and I look around just a little more before I hear a tap on the window.
