(Violet's Pov)
I was woken up by a major bump on the road and I look around as I turn to Clementine who looked to me apologetically. I look around and see were had just entered into Texas and I rubbed my head a bit trying to figure out how long I was asleep for.
"Hey, you, ok?" She asked and I nod.
"Yea just… how long was I out?" I asked.
"About a day and a half, we did wake you up to eat but I'm guessing you don't remember." She says and I shake my head and rolled the window down a bit.
"Fuck didn't know how tired I really was." I mutter and looked in the back to see AJ and Aasim Junior asleep.
"They fell asleep not that long ago." She says and I nod.
"Can we pull over for a bit?" I asked and she nods as she does just that. I go off to the side and take a bit of a break. I breathed in some fresh air and looked to see Clementine looking at me. I walk over to her and look inside the truck to see AJ and Aasim Junior were still sleeping.
"So how exactly did he sneak into the truck?" I asked Clem and she sighed.
"He was asking AJ if he could come and AJ told him no but of course Aasim Junior didn't want to listen so as we drove we hear a tap on the back window and guess who we see?" She asked and I point to the boy and she nods.
"Why didn't you turn back?" I asked.
"We were to far out and we wanted to get to you as soon as we could…. I know Ruby has to be freaking out but she will understand… I hope." Clem says and I nod a bit then looked to the truck and sighed.
"I didn't… when I left I freaked out." I tell her and she looks to me as I look to her.
"I thought I had seen Joan again…. And I thought she was in the bed and I wanted her gone… when sh… when you woke up and grabbed me I just… freaked." I explain to her.
"I think you really need to just talk about this to anyone… you use to talk to Omar, why not talk to him?" She asked and I crossed my arms and leaned on the truck.
"I know he won't judge me but I don't want to bother him wi-."
"You are not bothering us when you talk about this, you have trauma and a lot of it that you need to talk about… now I don't know how it was at the school and everything and I am not going to act like I do know but you need to talk about it." She says to me and I sighed and rubbed my neck.
"It's complicated." I mutter.
"I get it." She says and I look to her.
"Do you talk to Omar about this?" I asked her. She kept silent on it and I looked to the ground.
"I… I don't think-."
"Do you want to compare traumas? Because I will tell you that you have a bit more than I do… I mean with Joan and the Ra-."
"Don't." I interrupt her and she looks to me.
"Don't… say that word I hate that word so God damn much." I tell her and she nods at this.
"But you have had it bad… and I would like for you to have some way of… I don't know a hobby or something." She says and I think.
"Like fixing vehicles?" I asked.
"Sure, if that is what helps you deal with all this then we can find a junker for you to work on." She says.
"What about… wood work?" I asked.
"You want to try it?" She asked and I think and nod just a bit and she nods as well.
"Then I will help you get the supplies you need." She says and I nod at this and we get back into the truck. This time I was driving so that Clementine could get some rest and I drive up to the gate after an hour. I saw Willy and them open the gate and I drive in and park the car just as Ruby opened the back door and grabbed her son and Clementine gets out as do AJ and I.
"Where the hell have you been?" Ruby asked her son and I look at her as she looked back to me and I look down to the ground.
"I'm ok mom, AJ and Clementine kept me safe." He tells her and I hear her tell Aasim Junior to go to his father and I look up to see Ruby glaring at me and I looked to the side.
"I'm not going to ask… but what the hell were you thinking busting the god damn gate?" She asked.
"I uh… hm." I kept quiet as I looked to the ground for a bit and then up to her.
"I have no excuse I'll fix the gate up any way I can." I tell her and she look to Clementine who nods and Ruby sighed.
"Alright, I'm sorry I just… I thought Aasim Junior." She says and I nod.
"I get it, I do, and I am sorry." I tell her.
"Nothing for you to be sorry about, he snuck into our truck." AJ says and I look to him.
"AJ-."
"No, we told him no and he didn't listen." He says.
"Hey now, you were a bit rebellious too." I tell him and he looks to me.
"Fine whatever." He says and walks away and I look at Ruby and sighed.
"Sorry… I'm sorry he's just… angry." I tell her.
"What happened out there?" She asked.
"It got to the point where I… hit him and I think he's upset about that." I tell her.
"Oh my god." She says and looks to AJ who went into our house.
"I just think he is a bit upset but we will talk about it." I mutter.
"I uh… alright… alright and I apologize for getting mad." She says.
"No like I said I get it, that's your kid." I say and she nods and heads over to her family. I rubbed my head a bit and looked to the trailer and rubbed my neck as we all head somewhere. I go over to the trailer and open the door to see AJ setting the guns on the table and roughly at that.
"Hey… want to ta-."
"I don't want to talk to you… ever again." He says and I nod.
"Well… if you ever want to just know I'll listen." I tell him and he just looked at the pistol for a bit. I then head out the doors to see Clem looking at me and I shake my head.
"So… want to try some wood work?" She asked and I nod as we go and find some old tools I could use and I just start working on making anything.
"Does AJ hate me now?" I asked.
"What?" Clem asked and I look to her then back to the wood as I was carving it.
"He seems very… upset." I tell her and look at her.
"I think he was just worried is all." She says and I nod and get back to work.
"Did something happen when I was back at the old community?" She asked. I kept quiet.
"I heard you hit AJ." She says and I look at her then down.
"I… I didn't mean to it was impulse, he told me you were basically missing and he wouldn't let me leave and I just… I didn't mean to hurt him that way." I say and work more.
"But you still hit him." She says.
"I didn't mean to…. I just… if he doesn't forgive me that's fine, I don't blame him." I say to her and get to work on what I was going to carve.
"Well… I know what can get you two talking." She says and I shake my head.
"No, let him have his time." I tell her and she sighed and I look up at her and she nods just a little.
"That's all I can give him is time." I mutter and set the wood piece on the table and look at her.
"Well, I can get to work on the gate." I say and get up.
"You don't want to carve anymore?" She asked.
"No… I mean… not now I just… I want to get up and move." I tell her and she nods and we head over to the gate. It seemed to be in good condition just a bit dented but I could find a replacement for it actually.
"Could find a replacement at the old hardware store, easy fix, hell I could get some more concreate too." I mutter and looked around a bit then to Clementine.
"Can't trust to leave you alone." I hear and looked to Louis and I shake my head and looked at the gate again.
"Took Willy and Aasim hours to fix that damn gate." He says and I rubbed my head a bit.
"I get it, I fucked up now stop it." I tell him.
"No, you need to her how badly you screwed us over, for fuck's sake when you busted the gate Walkers heard, and when she couldn't find Aasim she thought he had been eaten and you were the fucking cause of it." He says and I glare at him.
"He didn't get eaten, he was in the back of Clementine's truck, so back the fuck off." I tell him.
"Woah hold it you two." Minerva says and I glared at Louis.
"NO, VIOLET HAS CAUSED US NOTHING BUT TROUBLE, WE LEFT THE SCHOOL BECAUSE OF HER, SHE MADE US LEAVE OUR HOME, SHE CAUSED ALL OF THIS TO HAPPEN!" He yelled at me and I glare at him and clench my hands into fists.
"FUCK YOU!" I yelled and he tackled me to the ground. I was able to hit him in the back a few times before he moved to try and punch me in the face. I blocked it with my arm and when I had an opening, I hit him in the gut as best as I could making him grab his stomach. I shoved him off me and got up and glared at him as he got up and tried to hit me again but I was able to move to the side.
"STOP THIS BOTH OF YOU!" Clementine yelled. Louis came at me again this time he grabbed my arm and kneed me in the gut and I bent over as he pulled my arm backwards.
"AH FUCK!" I yelled as I tried to move but it hurt.
"GET OFF HER!" Minerva yelled as she ran up to us. I feel my arm being pulled a bit before he had let go and I turn around to see Minerva holding him back and I take a few breaths as I wiped the sweat from my face and glare at him.
"NO, THIS BITCH NEEDS TO LEARN!" He yelled and I shake my head and looked around as I tried to get my surroundings. I look back at him but I see Joan and I back up a bit on the ground to get away.
"Vi?" I hear and look to Clementine and then I look back to Joan who was glaring at me. I take a few deep breaths and tried to breath as best as I could before I look back to Clem who looked to Louis then got in front of me.
"Hey, hey she isn't here you know this." She says and I shake my head as she held my face gently. I closed my eyes a bit and I look to her then to the side to see Joan gone.
"I didn't do it…. I didn't do it." I mutter.
"No, you didn't do anything Violet." I hear her say and I shake my head.
"I… Tenn.… he's dead because of me, Mary too." I mutter.
"No, no don't you think that." She says.
"No, it is her fault and she needs to learn that." Louis says and I closed my eyes tightly.
"I didn't… I tried." I mutter then I hear a door open and close.
"What the hell happened?" I hear AJ say and I get up and Clementine looks at me and I look at her.
"You got a cut on your lip." She says and tried to wipe the blood but I moved away and lift my hands up.
"I need… I need to think." I mutter and headed off to the other side of the wall. Yea it was stupid and I could get gotten by a Walker but right now I needed to get away.
"Vi." I hear and I just keep walking.
"Violet he should have never said that." I hear and turned to look at Minerva as she followed me.
"Go back in the wall." I mutter.
"No, you and I are going to have a talk, so talk." She says and I shake my head.
"Or not, I'm cool with that too." She says and I sighed and walked away from the wall and towards the direction of the city.
"Louis should have never blamed you for Tenn and Mary's death." She says and I turn to look at her. She raised her hands up and I stopped walking as I look to her.
"Hear me out on this, ok?" She asked and I look to the ground and then to her.
"Fine… I will hear you out." I say to her.
"He should have never blamed you for my brothers death, you tried to help him and all of us, you finally let me have some peace when we went back to the farm to bury him and I know damn well how much his death affected you too, you were devastated, you helped raise him and god if Tenn was here right now he would be disappointed in Louis… Tenn told me how much you looked after him, how you tried to make things fun for him even in this messed up world we are in… how you find more art supplies for him and everything… hell when I came back into the group you still looked after him and I saw that." She tells me and I look to the side a bit then back to her.
"And Mary… God she didn't deserve any of that, you took her in you knew her since she was little too, you looked after her as if she was your own god damn daughter and it broke you, I know it did." She tells me and I felt tears in my eyes.
"I know it broke you and that it still is right now, she was basically a daughter to you." She says again and I wiped my eyes a bit.
"Louis has no idea how this affected you, how it affected all of us, and it's different for everyone, he doesn't know everything that happened to me at the Delta… what I had been through or any of it but he never came after me like that." She says and I nod.
"Did… were you ever…. In the Delta did anyone… make you feel uncomfortable?" I asked her and I look at her as she looked back to me. I then see the look on her face as she knows what I am asking her.
"Yes… a man there he didn't like it when a girl said no to him… and he thought he could turn a gay girl straight." She says and I look at her with wide eyes.
"How did you deal with it?" I asked.
"I still have nightmares from what happened… though in my case I just castrated the fucker… Walkers got to him a few weeks afterwards." She says.
"So, you never killed him?" I asked and she nods at this.
"Yea… I didn't get to do that no matter how much I wanted too… people still thought he was a good guy even when they found out he… did the same thing to their daughters…. Never understood how people could still like a man like that even after knowing what he had done." She tells me and I look to the side.
"Did Joan do that to you?" She asked and I crossed my arms.
"Violet?" She asked as I hear her walk up to me.
"It was my-."
"Don't you dare say it was your fault." She tells me.
"I was an adult not a teenager." I tell her.
"It happens to adults too, it did in the old world." She tells me and I just kept my arms crossed to my chest.
"Never blame yourself for what happened to you." She tells me and I look around a bit.
"I just… fuck." I say and kick a tree hard and then I grabbed my foot.
"God fucking damn it." I say through clenched teeth. I set my foot to the ground and glare at the tree.
"I work, I try to get her out of my head but she won't fucking leave… I tried I really did but nothing works and I just… it's my fault, I got Tenn and Mary killed they died because of my fuck ups, I should have just stayed-."
"Stayed with that psychopath? For fuck's sake Violet, she fucking branded you with scars and everything, she hurt you, that's fucked up… you have survivors' guilt, it'll never go away I know it won't, we all know it won't, but don't blame yourself for the actions of a mad woman, she deserved to die, she fucking killed her own community and turned them into Walkers for fuck sake." Minerva tells me and I rubbed my face a bit.
"But it's my fault… if I had just stayed none of this would have happened, Tenn…. he would still be here, if we hadn't gone to the farm he would still be here." I say.
"And what about Mary? Seems like she would have been one of those dead heads if you didn't take her in after they killed Christa, for fuck's sake-."
"I had asked to go and look for Clementine's hat… Christa was killed because I wanted to get Clem her hat back if I hadn't done that Christa would have never been shot, it's my fucking fault Mary lost her mom, it's my fucking fault and you can't say it isn't because it is." I tell her as I look at her angry. She looks at me and I glare at her then I look at my hands.
"Everything is fucked, everything is so God damn fucked and I just… I don't… FUUUUUCK!" I yelled and looked around.
"Hey it's ok." She says and I feel her hug me and I cried.
"It's my fault… it's all my fault, I fucked up… I fucked up so God damn much." I say and gripped her shirt.
"Shhh, it's ok Violet…. It's ok and it'll be ok, we can talk to each other about this but please don't blame yourself." She says and I let go of her shirt a bit.
"I just… I'm sorry." I tell her and she let's me go and I look up at her.
"Hey, don't be sorry, you're stressed, you need to talk these things out, hell write them out if you need to… look, life sucks, especially this life we all live in… Louis never had to go through what we did, yea he lost people and so have we, but he didn't go through what you did and he needs to understand that." She says and I rubbed my neck a bit and looked to the side and took a deep breath.
"Want to head back?" She asked and I shake my head.
"I want to go the city." I mutter and she placed her hand on my shoulder.
"Alright, we can do that, but we can't be gone long ok?" She says and I nod. We head into the town and I see a bar so I go inside it and look around a bit. I grabbed an empty bottle and sighed and looked around more.
"Are you sure about drinking?" She asked and I shrugged.
"Yea, I just want a drink is all." I tell her and I see an unopened bottle of wine and I chuckled as I break the top of it off by hitting it on the counter. I took a large swig of it and chuckled as I looked around more and then hold the bottle out to Minerva who denied it. I shrug at this and take another drink and looked around more.
"Well please don't drink a lot, I can't bring you back drunk." She tells me and I laughed.
"Oh god Clem would have a huge fit over it." I tell her and look around more and look to Minerva.
"You know, I really love Clem… I love her so much but sometimes I think she hates me… like I get it, I kept us in a community with a psychopath, I have mental problems, I want to blow my god damn brains out sometimes because I'm that fucked in the head." I chuckled and took another drink and once I finished the bottle, I threw it to the side and grabbed another bottle. But I waited a bit before I would drink it, drinking back to back on wine isn't like drinking a beer.
"I couldn't keep you safe, I fucking listened to Marlon and I mourned when I thought you died because for fuck sake, I should have been taken in the Delta, not you, not Sophie." I rant and break the bottle again and took another drink.
"I don't think she hates you." I hear and chuckled.
"Oh? Why do you say that?" I asked.
"I don't hate you… I understand what you are going through, not to the same extent but I get it… and I think she does too." She says and I shake my head.
"Oh, come on, I wanted to cut your throat when I saw what happened to Clem." I tell her.
"I understand though… I hurt Clementine and she was your girlfriend, shit if you didn't act the way I would be worried." She says and I shake my head and I took a drink.
"I think… I want to die." I tell her.
"Why?" She asked.
"Hmm, I just hate living in this world…. I hate messing up, I hate myself…. What I've become…. I fucking hit AJ for fuck sake." I say and take a seat in a chair and look to her as I lean back.
"You know… I wanted to hang myself when Joan carved her name on me… I had the rope ready and tied up in my office… had the ceiling ready to tie the rope up and I had the rope around my neck." I tell her.
"Something stopped you." She says and I chuckled again and took a drink.
"I thought for a bit, and just as I was about to kick the chair from under me… I get a knock on the door." I tell her and look at her.
"Mary asked me to come help her with dinner and I didn't want to answer but I did." I say and took a drink and coughed a bit.
"I told her ok and that I would be out there in a minute and I took the rope off and got down from the chair and walked out to see her looking at me… and we went to the kitchen and made dinner…. We joked and then Clem and AJ would joke too and it made me happy… it made me think 'Wow I was really going to do that?' as if it mattered." I tell her.
"Have you told Clementine this?" She asked me.
"God no… to tell her that… it would break her." I tell Minerva and I rubbed my face a bit.
"She would have blamed herself if I tell her that." I mutter and took another drink. I decided to stop after I had about half of a third bottle within the span of a few hours that I had found. I shake my head a bit and look to Minerva who looked at me.
"I want to just… Sleep you know?" I tell her.
"I know… come on let's get you home." She says and I nod as we begin the walk home. I would wonder a bit and lean on a tree here and there and laugh a bit as we reached the gate.
"OOOOh fuuuuck I forget the gate." I slurred to Minerva.
"It's fine we weren't looking." She says.
"We didn't? weren't? fuck sentence hard." I laughed as we get into the trailer park and I look around.
"Hoo, I fucking hate this place." I mutter and I see Clem and smile and wave both my hands at her.
"She's drunk isn't she?" Clem asked as she came up to us.
"Nnnnnnope, I am buzzed…. But fuuuuck man…. Fuck." I laughed and Minerva sighed.
"I didn't know how much she could handle, I'm sorry." She says and I poke her cheek.
"Hey giant lady, not fault, mine ok?" I asked and she looks down at me.
"Giant lady?" She asked.
"YOU'RE FUCKING TALL?" I yelled and then laughed.
"Hey, calm down." The tall lady says and I flip her off.
"Fuck you… actually fuck me?" I laughed and stumbled forward a bit and Clem caught me.
"Ooooh pretty lady." I say and she sighed.
"Come on Violet." She says.
"I am not Violet." I tell her.
"Ok who are you?" She asked as she took me to a trailer.
"I am… Lizard man." I whispered and looked to her.
"Ok lizard man, let's get you to bed." She tells me as we head into a room and I look at the woman.
"Hey, are you single?" I asked.
"No, I'm married." She says and I nod.
"Good, a woman like you…. Deserves to be happy…. Who um… you married?" I asked and she nods.
"To?" I asked her.
"You." She says and I look at her shocked.
"Holy hell…. Wait… we can have sex?" I asked her and she looks at me.
"I think we shouldn't, at least not now ok?" She asked.
"Oh totally… respect boundaries." I tell her and she nods as we take a set on the bed.
"Why… who… I know you have…. Ten fingers." I rant.
"Nope, nine." She says and I gasp.
"Who hurt you?" I asked and looked at her hands to see one in fact was missing a finger.
"It happened a long time ago." She tells me.
"I'm sorry." I tell her.
"It's ok, I got over it." She tells me and I look at her legs and I see one of them is fake.
"You hurt?" I asked and she looked confused then looked to her leg.
"Same thing, this happened a long time ago… actually you saved me but taking it off." She says and I cover my mouth.
"I'm so sorry." I tell her and she smiled at me sadly.
"No, don't be… you saved me, I got bit by a Walker." She says.
"Walker…. Bad things, right? Growls a lot and bites people?" I asked and she nods.
"Yea." She says and I think a bit. I sway side to side and then look at the pretty lady.
"Hey… I told Giant lady something, but you can't tell Clementine, ok?" I asked her.
"Oh, uh sure." She says and I motion for her to get closer. She does move closer and I think a bit.
"Hmmm, I told her I tried to hang myself… but don't worry I didn't, I am here I am lizard man." I laughed and laid back on the bed and looked at the ceiling.
"Oh uh… I uh."
"It's ok, no talk… but… Clem would hate to know that, sooooo." I say and put my finger to my lips and she nods.
"Are you… do you still feel like that?" She asked.
"Hmmm, sometimes." I say and I started to feel warm so I took my shirt of and laughed as I saw the sars.
"WOAH!" I yelled and laughed as I look at all the scars.
"I must be a bad ass." I laughed and looked to the pretty lady.
"You are." She says and I nod and see a name.
"Who is…. Joan?" I asked.
"Some stupid bitch." She tells me.
"Oh… well fuck you." I say and point to the name and I laughed.
"Stupid bitch." I say and chuckled.
"Yea she was." She tells me and I look to the pretty girl.
"I… am I keeping you up?" I asked her.
"No not at all… want to talk some more?" She asked and I nod.
"Yea… you're really fucking pretty… are you sure we're married?" I asked her and she nods.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I love you, and you love me."
"We're a happy family." I sang and laughed at this then stood up and walked a bit.
"I can… walk… I can… good." I say and look to the girl.
"Viol-."
"Lizard… man… no… call me Captain." I laughed.
"Ok Captain… I think you should lay down."
"Nah, I'm fine… good, fine… gay?... yea gay means… ah… happy… I'm a lesba… lesbian." I laughed and looked to the girl.
"Yes, you are, and you might be a tired lesbian?" She asked and I shake my head.
"Nah…. Hey, we should um… we should…. Um… fuck…. No... no not fuck I mean." I mutter and look to the girl. She was a bit blurred but I close my eyes a bit and open them and I see Clementine.
"Clementine…. Where, where did the lady go?" I asked as I looked around the room.
"The pretty lady?" She asked and I nod.
"Yea… wait… no I… I mean… I wasn't going to cheat… I just talk to her." I tell her as I tried to defend myself.
"I know you wouldn't cheat." She says and I nod.
"You're… the best… wife ever… you… married… and stayed with…. Me… I love you." I tell her and she nods. And I stumbled backwards and Clem grabbed me and I grabbed the windowsill a bit and chuckled.
"Ooops…. I go down, down…. Down under." I chuckled and slowly went to the floor and Clementine looked to me worried and I smile at her and I chuckle.
"I… would… would you be mad at me… if I…" I stopped and looked down.
"If you what?" She asked.
"No… no, no, I'm… drunk… no I'm not." I mutter and look down.
"I think you should go to sleep." She says and I shake my head.
"No… no I don't want the nightmares… I almost… I almost hurt… Clem… she hates me." I say and lay my head on her shoulder.
"She… should… I almost… fuck." I mutter and felt tears on my face.
"It's going to be ok, if you have a nightmare, I will wake you up ok?" She asked and I nod.
"Ok… but… I sleep here… can't move." I mutter as my eyes feel heavy. She rubbed my head and hummed a bit and I smiled just a bit.
"It's ok, I'll get you a pillow and blanket, ok?" She asked and I shake my head.
"When… I sleep." I tell her.
"Ok… ok." I hear her say to me. She hummed a bit more and kept rubbing my head which was making me even more tired, I moved a bit closer to her and I feel her humming just as I listen I finally fell asleep right there.
