(Violet's Pov)

I feel as Ruby cut away at my arm and I bit hard onto my belt, I know there was going to be teeth marks on it but right now I was trying not to tell her to just stop. I feel another cut and slammed my good hand on the table, it was burning like hell and I shut my eyes tightly as she got to the bone.

"Almost done." She tells me and I nod as she cuts again and again, I bit harder on the belt and my groans were muffled but still heard. Finally, it stopped and I look to see that my arm was on the other side of the table. I almost blacked out just as she put peroxide on the wound and I saw her heating up a flat piece of metal. I take a few breaths just as she brought the metal piece close to my newly cut stump and I take a breath just as she placed it on the wound. The belt fell out my mouth as I yelled.

"FUCKING GOD DAMN IT!" I yelled and slammed my hand on the table again. I lay my head on the table as I tried to breath and then I felt another burning pain and clenched my hand into a fist.

"It's done." She says and I nod just a little at this.

"Ok… fucking… oh god." I say right before I ended up blacking out. I must have been out for a good while because I woke up in one of the spare rooms and I pulled at my arm a bit to feel something keeping it from moving properly. I look up to see that I was handcuffed to the bed so I sit up just a bit and looked to the cuff. I tried to grab it with my free hand and I see the bandages on the stump so I look at that instead.

"Well, isn't this interesting flower." I hear and look up to see Joan.

"Looks like you got hurt." She says as she comes up and takes a seat on the bed and I just look to her as she waved a hand in my face.

"I did?" I asked and she nods.

"Your arm is missing… the one with my name on it." She says and I look back to it and indeed Joan's name was gone.

"Oh… good." I say and look to the door as it opened to see Willy and AJ.

"Go get Ruby." AJ tells him and Willy nods as he leaves and AJ comes over to the bed. He takes a seat right next to Joan and I look to her then him.

"Vi?" He asked and I look at Joan as she looked to the stump.

"Hu?" I answer him and then look to him.

"How do you feel?" He asked and I think.

"Uh… really hot… um… tired but I don't know why… how long was I out?" I asked and looked to see that Joan was gone so I look back to him.

"A day, almost two, the heard is gone." He says and I nod and the door opens again and I see Clementine and Ruby both come in.

"How's the stump?" Ruby asked.

"Feels… ok I suppose." I answer and look to it. I try to clench the arm that wasn't there anymore and I take a breath and look up to all three of them.

"Think you are up for some food?" Clementine asked me and I nod a bit as she came over and had a bowl.

"Sorry for cuffing you." Ruby says as she undoes the cuff and I went to go rub my hand but again I couldn't so Clem takes my hand and rubs it a bit and I look to her.

"It'll take some time getting use to." She tells me and I nod at this and she holds the bowl for me and I grabbed the spoon and took a few bites of the rice in it.

"She says she feels hot and tired." AJ tells Ruby and I look to her as she looked to me.

"Can I take a look at your…" She stops and I nod as Clem moves a bit and Ruby takes the bandages off. I looked down and it was gnarly as all hell. Though I can't say much I didn't do a great job with Clementines leg.

"Had to cut some skin to sew it up properly, so I am hoping the bite didn't infect it." Ruby says quietly and I nod at this.

"You could do that?" I asked and she looked up to me.

"Had to, it's complicated." She says and I nod in agreement. Clem then holds out a water bottle to me and I grabbed it and took a drink.

"Louis and the others went out hunting." AJ says and I nod at this and just lean my back on the headboard of the bed.

"Oh? That's good." I say and nod a bit at this and I look back to Ruby who was cleaning the stump.

"Hey is your leg good?" I asked Clem and I look to her.

"Yea, it's fine why?" She asked.

"No reason, just needed to know." I tell her and look back to Ruby after she finished tying up the bandages on my arm. She then heads out the room saying she will be back to check up on me and I nod at this then look to AJ and Clem as they both sat on opposite sides of the bed.

"Are you sure you're, ok?" Clem asked and I nod.

"Yea… why wouldn't I be?" I asked.

"You just lost an arm… you don't… it's not… fuck I don't know." Clem says and I look at her and tilt my head a bit.

"I told Ruby to cut it off… so I know it's not there, I knew it was going to get cut off so I'm not shocked if that's what you mean." I say.

"But you're acting like it was just a chore." AJ says and I am a bit confused at this.

"You're acting as if it's all fine and dandy." He states and I look to my lap.

"I'm just trying to keep calm." I say and gripped the blanket a bit.

"Vi." Clem says and I keep looking at my blanket.

"I just don't… want to freak out." I mutter and look up to them.

"I fucked up… I got to deal with the consequences is all." I tell them.

"We can help." AJ says.

"Thanks, but right now… right now I just… want to rest up." I tell them and they both nod and leave the room. I look to the bowl on the nightstand along with the bottled water and I grabbed the spoon and ate a little more. I look to the door and I look back to the bowl after I finished eating, I set the bowl back on the nightstand. It was a while before I hear the door open and I look to see Ruby as she comes over and looks at the stump.

"I got you some uh herbs, it's supposed to help with any pain." She tells me and I nod as she hands me the herbs. I look to the window again and I see AJ and Clem talking with Omar and Aasim. I see Delilah and Aasim Junior over by the garden talking and helping Minerva pick some of the vegetables and then I look down to my lap.

"Hey, you want to talk?" I hear Ruby ask and I think about it and then nod as I look up to her.

"You guys won't treat me different right? I mean you'll still let me work like I usually do?" I asked her.

"If you want, I won't stop you, but I am not too sure about Clem, how was she when she lost her leg?" She asked.

"I wanted her to feel like normal so if she wanted to do something I would let her… with some help of course, I mean had to get her some crutches and she didn't like it but I didn't want her hopping around." I say and chuckled a bit then looked back to the blanket on me.

"She might be a bit worried about you and might not let you overwork yourself right now but she'll get to the point that she won't worry." Ruby tells me and I nod a bit.

"Yea… though right now I don't think she's all too happy with what happened." I say and I laughed a little.

"I said I didn't want to be saved and yet I was…. I just." I mutter a bit.

"To be fair you came home after you were bit… you weren't eaten so we can let that slide." Ruby says and I nod a bit at this.

"So, it's only ok if I come back and don't actually die?" I asked her.

"I think it's justified and you made the decision to get your arm… cut off." She says and I look to her.

"I didn't want Clementine to be sad." I tell her.

"That is true but you also didn't want AJ to feel bad." She says and I look at her confused.

"How?"

"You were talking a bit in your sleep… luckily only Minerva and I were around when you said this." She tells me and I look down a bit and I look to the stump and I look at Ruby.

"I won't tell them." She says and I nod.

"Thanks." I tell her and she nods as she helped me out the bed. I go and grabbed a clean shirt and Ruby left the room telling me if I needed help then to just call for her. I nod and set the shirt on the bed then closed the blinds of the window and take a breath as I removed my old shirt as best as I could. Once it's off I throw the old shirt to the floor and look at the new shirt in front of me. I take a good look at my new stump and I shake my head and grabbed the shirt and tried to put it on. I was actually able to get it on right and I smiled then looked to the door and went over to knock on it so Ruby could come back in and I head over to the bed and took a seat.

"Do you think I can head outside or do I need more bedrest?" I asked her.

"I think you should rest a bit; you might feel like you have a lot of energy but let's be fair." She says to me and I nod a bit and just stay seated on the bed.

"Can Clem come in here?" I asked.

"Do you want her to come in?" She asked and I look to the door and I nod a bit.

"Yea… I um… just want to talk to her." I say and she gets up and heads out the room and I just stay seated for a bit and I take a few breaths trying to calm myself down. I then hear a knock on the door and I look up to see Clem come in and I watch her as she comes over to me and takes a seat in the chair in front of me and I smiled a little.

"Are you ok?" She asked as she placed a hand on my thigh and I move back a bit. It's not that I didn't want her to comfort me but right now it just felt wrong right now to be touched at the moment. I take a breath and look to her as she looked to me.

"Sorry just… sorry." I mutter.

"Don't be I should have asked." She tells me and I laugh a bit.

"No, I just… sorry." I say again and rubbed my face.

"Don't say sorry." She tells me and I nod at this.

"Ok… so um… what uh… how do you feel about this?" I asked and moved my stump a bit and she looked to it then back to me.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I mean… we are basically a pirate." I joked and she looked to me.

"How do you feel about it is the main question." She says and I think.

"Eh could have done better from keeping the Walker away but shit happens." I joked and she looked to me sadly.

"Sorry just trying to… make myself laugh." I rubbed the back of my head.

"But hey at least I don't have that Bitches name on me anymore, so heh, thank God I did get bit." I said and she looked at me with the look of horror and I sighed and rubbed my face.

"I mean… I didn't… fuck I'm sorry I don't know how to… be um… fuck I have no idea." I say and groaned a bit at this.

"I get it, it's going to take some time getting use to, I mean look at me." She says and moves her fake leg and I nod.

"Yea… yea." I mutter and look to the floor and take a deep breath and then let the air out and I get up.

"I need some fresh air." I tell her and she nods as she and I walk out the room and out the trailer. I see that the two new groups are still here and I was about to head back in but Clementine stopped me and I look at her.

"It's fine they won't say anything, besides you said you wanted some fresh air." She tells me.

"I can go in the back yard." I mutter as I get down the steps and head in the back yard.

"Vi." I hear and keep walking till I get to the back yard and I take a seat on the steps.

"Violet." I hear and look to see Clementine as she comes and takes a seat next to me. I look at her and then look to my parents' graves.

"Hey are you ok?" She asked.

"Yea just… not wanting to look at people right now." I tell her.

"Or the opposite?" She asked.

"A little bit of that too." I agreed and leaned my head on my hand. It was a while before I got back up and we went over to the garden from the back so I wouldn't have to see anyone. I see Minerva as she comes over to me after getting something from the garden.

"Hey I got some of the tomatoes, Omar wants to try and make some pasta." She tells us.

"Damn it's been a long time since we had pasta." Clem says and I nod in agreement.

"It'll taste even better now that we have fresh ingredients… do you want to help?" Minerva asked as she looked to me.

"Uh, sure I guess." I looked to the side a bit and then back to her.

"We boarded up the secret hole you and AJ came through, so no more sneaking out." She tells me and I nod.

"We also brought the truck in so you have a project to work on." Clem tells me and I nod.

"Oh, sure but I need to get some tools and books along with other items." I mutter and look to my arm.

"Well, we can find an arm for you at one of the hospitals, or maybe I could make you one." Clementine mentioned and I nod.

"Yea I can come he-."

"No, you stay here when we go and get your arm, can't have you getting hurt more than this." Minerva says and I look to her then to Clem.

"She has a point; without a proper arm you aren't going anywhere and again you are still grounded." Clementine mentions

"I, but… you." I tried to say but Minerva places her hand on my shoulder.

"Just let us do this for you, until you can learn to work with the new arm." She tells me and I groaned.

"Fine, I guess." I tell them and I look back to Clem.

"Thank you." Clem says and I nod then we go over to the truck and I take a look inside it. Clem went to the other side and she takes a look inside as well and pulls out a booklet.

"Hey look, they have an owner's manual." She says and I nod and grabbed the book and set it on the seat and opened it a bit.

"Hmm, they kept logs on it too." I mutter and keep reading and saw that the last date was actually a few weeks ago.

"Something up?" She asked.

"Uh no nothing just reading on what parts I could get." I tell her then closed the book and looked to her as I placed the small booklet in my pocket. I look to the side as I see David and Javier glaring at me and I look back to Clementine.

"Can I go back inside?" I asked quietly.

"You, ok?" She asked and I nod as she takes me inside and I head to the room and I take a seat on the bed.

"You know you can come into our bedroom, right?" She asked and I just look at the ground a bit.

"Yea just… I just… hmm." I tried to think but my mind went blank, words weren't forming correctly and I just felt blank. I don't know why I did but I just felt blank.

"Violet?" Clem asked and I look to her and she comes over to me and I look at her and she hugs me. I put my arm around her to give her a half hug and I pulled her to me.

"Do you want to talk?" She asked as she pulled back from me and I look at her.

"What about?" I asked her.

"Anything, anything you want to bring up?" She asked and I think a bit and I moved my arm and scratched my head a bit.

"I uh… I don't… I want Javier and David gone… the herd is gone why are they still here?" I asked her.

"They are planning to leave soon."

"How soon?" I asked.

"A few days."

"No, I want them gone now, Kate is cool but not… not Javier and David." I tell her.

"Violet, they need to make a proper plan-."

"I want them gone." I tell her.

"Vi-."

"I want those assholes gone." I tell her.

"I get it-."

"No… no I want them gone, they overstayed I want them gone." I tell her.

"Ok, we can figure something out." She tells me and I look to her and I nod.

"Ok than… I just… don't feel, comfortable with them here." I mutter.

"I'm sorry." She tells me and I nod a little.

"I just need to tell them so they can make a plan for early leave." She tells me and I nod again as she gets up and leaves the room.

"Well, this is interesting." I hear and turn to see Joan again and I glare at her.

"My little flower." She says and I look away from her.

"You got hurt." I hear and I feel a hand on my shoulder and I move it away. I feel the hand again so I take my arm and swat them away.

"What's wrong flower?" I hear again and I place my hand to my ear with the pillow covering my other ear as I had my head placed down, my eyes are closed tightly so I couldn't see her or anything else.

"Flower?" I hear over and over again until I feel the hand touch my side and my eyes shoot open as I quickly turn to hit the person but I stopped as I saw that it was Clementine and I look around quickly.

"Violet?" She asked as I take a few breaths.

"Sorry I just… I thought." I mutter and lay back down on the bed and breathed a bit.

"Was it her again?" She asked and I didn't say anything.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked. Again, I was quiet and didn't nod or anything but, in all honesty, she was right so I take a breath and sit up a bit and look to her.

"I don't know how to start." I mutter and looked to Clem and she seemed a little surprised that I was going to talk about this.

"Uh… ok how about… how you feel right now?" She asked and I chuckled.

"How I feel?" I asked.

"Sorry I just didn't think you'd actually want to talk about this after refusing a lot." She says and I nod.

"Hmm, I get that." I mutter and look to the door and then back to her.

"How I feel… well I feel like shit." I tell her.

"Ok why?" She asked and I think.

"Well… how did you feel after losing your leg?" I asked.

"Oh, defiantly felt like shit… but we are talking about you." She says and I chuckled.

"When I was in therapy at the school, I use to ask the therapist questions, they said it was nice to try and have a discussion between each other, something about how it makes it easier to open up but it doesn't work all the time." I say to her.

"Oh, ok I think I get it." She says and I nod and laughed a little.

"It's fine." I tell her and she looked to her hands then back to me.

"I guess I felt worthless at some point… I mean you tried to make me feel normal after you got me to rest for a bit but I still want to act as if I never lost it you know?" She asked and I nod.

"Yea, that's basically how I am feeling right now… I want to work but can't because I'm being told to rest… it was like when my leg was broken, I tried anything and everything to just do something. I don't want to feel like I need to rely on others." I explained.

"Yea, I get that… losing a leg and arm is difficult in these times, it's hard to find prosthetics, and to adapt in this world with a missing limb can be difficult." She says and I nod.

"Yea like… how the hell am I going to use my rifle? Am I just going to use only a pistol? I can't really hunt a deer with a pistol… plus how am I able to work on the truck? It's going to be a lot harder." I mutter and look to Clem.

"You know AJ would help." She tells me and I nod.

"Yea… um… I heard and saw her again." I mutter.

"Ah, that's why you almost hit me." She says.

"Yea… sorry." I mutter.

"It's fine, I didn't think about it when I touched you, I'm sorry." She tells me.

"No, you're good I usually freak out when I see her or… hear her, so you didn't know." I say to her.

"But still-."

"It's fine Clem, you didn't do anything wrong." I tell her.

"I feel like I did." She tells me.

"Well, I say you didn't… look it's hard, and it's going to be hard for a long time, I'll never be the same again after all that… and this." I say and wave my stump a bit and hiss a bit in pain.

"You, ok?" She asked and I nod a little.

"It just hurts." I mutter.

"I'll get the medicine." Clem says as she gets up and I grabbed her hand.

"No, no… let's just keep talking." I say.

"I think you should really take the medicine." She says.

"And I will… I just want to talk to you more." I say to her.

"If your arm starts hurting again then you need to tell me so I can get you the medicine." She tells me and I nod.

"I got it." I say and she sit's back down but she is on the bed this time and I look at her.

"How about I go find you a new arm hu? AJ might call it… the hand book?" She asked to try and make me laugh I only smile a little at this and then look to my lap a bit.

"I didn't mean to sound… like a bad guy I just… want to help." She tells me and I look at her.

"No, you didn't I just… I'm just a little down." I tell her.

"I get it, look we just need to do anything that can make you feel like your old self." She tells me and I nod.

"So, what do you want to do?" She asked and I think a bit.

"I don't know honestly." I say to her.

"Well let's start small until we can get your arm." She says and I look to her a bit.

"I guess I can work in the garden but I don't know." I say and look to her.

"That's good let's do that just for a little bit." She says and I sighed and nodded a bit. We had talked a little longer till Clementine gave me the medication and I took it. I laid back a bit in the bed and I think for a while.

"I could really use a drink." I mutter.

"No, that's not a good idea and you know it." She tells me and I sighed.

"Oh, come on."

"No, don't you think it's a bit of a problem?" She asked.

"I don't think so, if I don't do it constantly." I tell her.

"Look how about we just wait a few weeks and then you can have a drink deal?"

"I'm not a kid." I mutter to myself.

"I'm not trying to treat you like a kid but sometimes you do act like one, I mean look at what happened." She says and I look to her.

"Look I get it I was stupid and I shouldn't have taken AJ out the walls either but for god's sake Clementine it was such a rush, it was fun, the risk and everything." I tell her.

"You think losing an arm is fun? You think scaring the living hell out of me was fun?" She asked and I look at her.

"No god no but I just… it was a rush I was just having some fun, for gods' sake it was just… I was taking control of my life at that point I was just doing what I wanted, and I was still careful with AJ, he didn't get hurt, yea I was stupid but God I felt alive." I tell her and she looked to me.

"But this isn't like the old world, you can die… You almost did for fuck sake you didn't even want to get your arm cut off." She tells me.

"It's not that I didn't I just… I know it's not like the old world." I tell her.

"Then why the hell do you act like it is?" She asked.

"I don't know… I just it was fun you know." I say and then sighed at this and rubbed my head a bit.

"Look we can just… can we not talk about this anymore?" I asked and she nods a little bit and I look to the side wall and think a bit.

"Hey I'm going to go and talk to the others and then maybe you can help Omar with dinner?" She asked and I just nod a little bit and I hear her leave the room and take a breath. I get up after a few minutes and I walked around the room a bit. I hear the door open and I look to see Minerva and Ruby and I just look at them.

"Uh… You ok there Vi?" Ruby asked and I nod to her.

"Are you sure?" Minerva asked and I nod again.

"Talked to Clem she went to talk to someone and I'm just pacing the room trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that I have one arm and how I'm basically a screw up in this entire group." I say bluntly and they look to me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ruby asked.

"No, no more talking, I don't want to talk about any of this anymore, I don't want to remember anything, I don't want to talk about anything." I mutter and look to them.

"Ok, well we can go out and help with dinner?" Minerva asked and I nod a bit as we head out the room and I look out the window to see that David and Javier were arguing with Clementine and I get a bit pissed off as I get out the trailer.

"You said we could stay here until we were ready." Javier says pissed and I go over to them.

"Hey fuckwad I said you had to leave." I say getting in his face.

"Oh, fuck you, you're the idiotic bitch that got herself bitten by a fucking walker." He says.

"And why should I listen to you? You are a piece of shit that treated Clementine like shit, you risked AJ's life just to have fun in a walker infested area, you put him at risk, you put everyone at risk because you've fucking snapped, I heard you broke the fucking gate because you almost tried to stab Clementine." He says to me and I wanted to hit him but I couldn't.

"Javier stop this right now." David tells him.

"Oh, don't go defending this idiot." His brother tells him and I look to David.

"As much as I would like to not defend this idiot you have no idea what's going on with her, look at her, I know I am an asshole but I know when to stop." He tells his younger brother and I look to Clementine.

"But this bitch is-."

"Telling us that we need to leave her home, remember this isn't our home." David tells him.

"This is bull-."

"Stop it right now." He says to Javier and I look around a bit.

"No fuck this, we should be able to stay here, we can fucking take this place if we want to." Javier says and I feel Clementine place her hand on my shoulder.

"I would choose your next words wisely." I hear Louis says and I look to him a little shocked at this. Though then again this was a place he was living in and a threat like that wasn't the smartest idea.

"Or what?" Javier says to Louis.

"Trust me when we say this, it's best to not threaten taking someone's fucking home you fucking moron." David tells him.

"Especially when we are outnumbered." He tells him and I glared at him.

"Get out." Clem says.

"What?" Javie asked.

"I said to get out… you threatened to take our home from us? And you think I'm going to let that stand?" She asked him.

"We're friends-."

"You are no friend if you threatened to take my home." She tells him and I moved away a bit as she goes up to him.

"Now get out." She tells him and I look to David and the others.

"No." He says.

"Javier I swear-."

"What? You kicked my ass before when you weren't thinking and I didn't fight back, I had to deal with Marianna being killed by your people and you wanted me to keep that a secret, Gabe died because of you but he was a little shit to me but I still loved him, Joan was a major bitch but you wanted to play nice, and this bitch worked with that psychotic bitch." He says and I get real pissed at this. I go up and grabbed the back of his shirt and I gripped it hard.

"Violet wait-."

"NO SHUT UP!" I yelled at Clementine as I dragged Javier to the gate and I opened it.

"You think I liked working with that bitch? After what she did to me? AFTER SHE RAPED ME AND CUT ME OPEN YOU THINK I LIKED THAT BITCH?!" I yelled as I pull him to the back of the wall. I could hear the others follow behind and I shoved him to the ground right in front of Joan's chewed up and rotting corps and he yelled as he tried to back up but I grabbed his head and shoved his face to her opened skull brains still there and I leaned down to his face.

"I bashed that bitches brains in with a fucking baseball bat, and I didn't stop till her fingers were the only things twitching, WHO DOES THIS TO A PERSON THEY LIKE?!" I yelled in his ear and as he tried to back away, I put his face closer to the rotting brain.

"TELL ME FUCKER, WHO DOES THIS TO A PERSON THEY LIKE?!" I yelled at him again and I feel a hand pull me back and I ended up pulling Javier back as well and he went to the side and threw up and I laughed.

"You want to try and take my home from me, you'll end up right next to her, I'll bash your brains in just like I did that bitch, I won't give you a quick death either, I'll make sure you fucking suffer, I don't care if I have one arm, I'll fucking end your pathetic life." I threatened him and I look to everyone.

"THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE HERE! I WILL NOT HAVE PEOPLE LIKE THIS TELLING ME THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE MY HOME, MY CHILDHOOD HOME THE LAST THING I HAVE OF MY PARENTS WHO ARE FUCKING BURIED IN MY BACK YARD… THE HOME AJ, CLEM AND I FUCKING BUILT AND WORKED ON FOR FUCKING YEARS!" I yelled at everyone as I glare down at Javier.

"I WILL NOT BE RIDICULED FOR PEOPLE BEING IDIOTS THREATNING MY HOME AND MY FAMILY YOU FUCKING HEAR ME YOU PIECE FO SHIT!" I yelled at Javier as he looked up to me.

"I'll treat you the same way Joan treated me and trust me you wouldn't want a rod shoved up your fucking ass, or your guts being rearranged while you're awake screaming for me to put you out of your misery." I threatened him quietly and he looks down and I grabbed his face and made him look at me.

"YOU LOOK AT ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT YOU DON'T GET THE RIGHT TO FEEL LIKE SHIT AFTER WHAT YOU JUST SAID!" I yelled at him.

"Violet stop this now." David says and I glared at him.

"Oh big brother David coming to help his poor little brother who was fucking coddled is getting yelled at." I joke.

"No, not for him, he deserves it, but you on the other hand need to calm down." He says and I look to everyone and then down to Javier and I shove him back to Joan's corps and he hurries and backs away from it.

"Worthless people these days, wanting to take others homes and threaten good people." I say.

"You weren't-."

"JAVIER, YOU SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH RIGHT NOW!" David yells and I look to him then to Clementine as she comes over to me.

"She wasn't a good person-."

"NEITHER ARE YOU AND I SO SHUT UP!" David yells.

"No one in this world is a good person because of people like you and Joan, groups killing kids, killing actual innocent people, you are no worse than the walkers, and I don't give a damn I'll be a bitch to you all I want till you get it through your thick ass skull that you're a monster too." I tell him and I head back inside and I go to the back of my home and listen in to what anyone says.

"We will leave in a short while." David says and I look to the ground a bit and looked to my stump. I feel tears in my eyes and I wiped them away when I hear someone coming by and I look to see Minerva.

"Vi… I…" she stopped talking and I scoot over to the side and I pat the ground and look up to her. She looked to the corner of the house then back to me and she moved a plank of wood of the house to the side and pulls out one of those little shot bottles of whiskey and hands it to me.

"I think you need just one." She says and I chuckled and looked at it and was about to use my teeth to open it but Minerva uncapped the bottle and she grabbed her own and we lifted the bottles up just a bit in a cheers and I took the shot and shook my head.

"Thought I wasn't allowed to have any?" I asked and she looked to me.

"I think… personally I think you need it… not a great thing to be… dependent on but I don't think one drink will hurt." She tells me and I look down to the ground.

"No, it wouldn't… could I have one more?" I asked and she looked to me then to the corner and nods as she handed me another drink and I look to her as she opened the bottle for me again and I nod and take another drink.

"No more." She says and I look at her.

"It's fine… Clementine would be mad if I got drunk." I mutter and I looked to the stump.

"I'm surprised you were able to grab Javier like that." I hear her say and I look to her.

"With one arm heheh." I laugh lowly and then rubbed my head.

"Bad ass if I must say." She tells me.

"Was Clem impressed?" I joke and she nods.

"Oh yea, very impressed." She tells me and I look at the ground and chuckled.

"I'm just being stupid." I mutter and I rubbed my head and I felt the tears again. I feel a hand on my back and I looked to her.

"I fucked up…. I'm so sorry I fucked up." I say to Minerva.

"Why are you apologizing to me?" She asked.

"I was a bitch… I still am, I was stupid and… lost my arm… I made Clem cry over and over again, I keep… I keep seeing Joan my head is so fucked up… I hurt AJ too." I feel her rub my back gently and felt myself shake.

"I don't know what to do Minerva… I don't know… what to do anymore." I cried.

"It's ok, Relax and breath like me." She says and I listen to her breathing as I tried to copy it.

"Need me to get Clem?" She asked and I nodded and she gently put her hands to my ears and I hear her call for Clem and removed her hands from my ears. I hear Clem rush over and she moved me away from Minerva gently.

"What's wrong?" I hear her ask gently.

"I… I fucked up… I fucked up so much." I tell her.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I made you cry, I hurt AJ… I got Mary killed." I tell her.

"No, no it's ok sweetie."

"It's not." I mutter.

"Listen to my breathing." She tells me and I do just that. I don't know how long it took but I was able to calm myself.

"Clem… I think she needs to sleep." I hear Minerva say and I shake my head.

"No, no sleep, I don't want to sleep." I tell them.

"Ok, no sleep just talk ok." Clementine says and I nod gently as I gripped her shirt a bit. I was just looking to the side a bit, looking at the garden and I felt choked up a bit and I gripped her shirt a bit more as I just listen to Clem talking with Minerva.

"I think we should plant some flowers over here don't you think?" Clem asked.

"Would look really nice, make it a bit of a boarder around the wall, heck let the vines go up the walls even." Minerva says.

"Garden wall." Clem says and I think.

"Maybe… we could grow some wheats." I mutter and moved a bit to get comfortable.

"Sure, that sounds good." Clementine says.

"Grapes too." I mutter.

"Don't know if we can but we can look into it… use the greenhouse." Minerva says and I think a bit and I nod at this.

"Grapes sound good right now… fruit taste good." I mutter softly.

"We can get you a few apples." She tells me and I nod a bit. I feel her shift a bit but I moved my hand from Clementines shirt and I grabbed Minerva. I didn't move my head but I felt her moved back down to sit next to me and Clementine.

"I'm sorry Minerva… for being mean when you came back… for threatening you so much without knowing." I say as I let go of her.

"Knowing?" Clem asked and I just put my hand back to her shirt.

"I uh… I kind of went through what Violet did but not to that extent." Minerva says and I listen.

"Oh god, I… I." Clem tried to say.

"It's fine Clem… Violet and I talked about it, we were able to do damage to our… attackers." She tells Clem.

"I… am so sorry." I tell her.

"It's fine… talking about it helps." She tells me.

"But Clem-."

"It's ok she can know if she wants, I'm fine… you should talk about it took." She tells me and I nod gently and I gripped the shirt again.

"Violet… I know you don't want to talk about it, you only seem to bring it up when you have bursts of anger to prove a point that you had been hurt by a monster, and when people call you a monster you think they are comparing you to Joan… aren't you?" Minerva asked.

"I'm not Joan." I mutter.

"But you think that others will." Clementine tells me and I look to her.

"I'm not a monster, I'm not like her I would never do that to anyone." I felt the tears again as I gripped her shirt.

"I know… I know sweetheart but are you telling yourself that?" She asked.

"I know I'm not a monster… but sometimes I feel like I am." I tell her.

"You aren't." Minerva says.

"Is that why you were mean… on the boat?" I asked quietly.

"Some yes but… there were other reasons." She tells me and I think.

"Maybe we can talk more later?" Clem asked and I shook my head and I take a breath. She needed to know; she needs to know.