(Clementine's Pov)
I looked over to my right as I watched Violet sleeping. I feel like I can't help her, I know she doesn't want to ask for help, I know she doesn't like to show her emotions. When we first met she tried to keep away from me, after she thought Minerva was gone it broke her, someone she cared about was gone, or so she thought, and when I came she tried her best to not even be my friend. It hurt to know that but in the end we ended up together, we built a life together, not the normal life that our parents had wanted for us, I mean with the dead coming back and eating people causing us to lose others, and for others to try and start wars with each other. Would things be different had none of this happened? Would Violet still be this type of person? Would I have even met her?
I look to the road for a bit and think about everything that has happened in the past twenty or so years. If the world never changed would I have even met Violet? Would we have even dated? Would we have even gotten married? All the outcomes that could have happened if the world didn't end, we will never know what could have been. I hear some movement to my side and looked back to Violet as she turned her body so her back was facing me a bit.
I would do anything to get rid of her trauma, and I know she would do the same for me and everyone else. I was right when I told her that she doesn't ask for anything in return, she never asked Bonnie and her group for anything even though she saved Russel, when Aasim or Ruby asked if she would go into town for anything, she never asked them for anything in return. It made me a bit sad to know this about her, she keeps to herself and the only times she brings out her emotions is when she is either angry or drunk.
I remember all the bad things I had said to her, why did say all that stuff to her? She didn't deserve any of that, I wish I could take it all back, but I can't what's done is done and I can't turn back the clock and change how I said things to her. Had I known about what Joan was doing to her I would have slit Joan's throat myself, I would have made her suffer for what she had done to Violet. I Wish I was kinder to her back at the community, I wish I could have helped her when she needed it, but she never told me, and it just made me feel like she couldn't trust me.
"Clem?" I hear and look at Violet as I see her turn to look at me.
"Yea?" I asked and she looked to the side a bit then to me and I had to look back to the road.
"What… how are you feeling?" She asked.
"What do you mean?" I asked her as I drove more.
"With everything that's happened… and what we just talked about… how are you feeling?" She asked me.
"I don't know in all honesty… I feel sad, that back then you couldn't trust me." I tell her honestly.
"I did… I was just scared." She tells me.
"Why would you feel scared?" I asked her. She kept quiet for a bit, and I hear her sigh a bit and I look to her.
"I was scared for you, not of you." She tells me and I frowned a bit at this.
"Why would you feel scared for me?" I asked her. At least I got her talking, this was progress, right?
"Joan… threatening you… my family…. I know you can handle yourself but…. I felt like I had a responsibility." She tells me.
"Explain that to me, I'm a bit confused on why you think you're responsible for me." I say to her, and I hear her scratch her head a bit.
"You know how people… instilled in others that the… man in a relationship has to be tough, and care for their family?" She asked and I chuckled lightly at this.
"You think you're the man in the relationship?" I asked her and I hear that sad laugh come from her. It broke my heart.
"No, I just… felt like taking that role myself… I wanted to… feel important I guess, not to get an ego from all this but you know… I guess it happened when we went to Georgia the first time… when Joan came, and you ran… and then got bit." She tells me and I hold my hand out for her to take. I feel her place her hand on mine and I hold it.
"I felt that I had to… do something, anything to keep you safe, even if I got hurt in the end." She tells me.
"Violet… I know how you feel… I felt the same way with AJ, took the role of his mother than a big sister, wanted to give him a childhood in all of this, the same with you, you wanted to give him a childhood, Tenn and Mary as well… you didn't want them to be like others, kids in wars, kids being kidnapped or even killed… you wanted them to be happy and you did." I tell her and she looked down to the floor of the car and I look back to the road.
"Tenn told me once that he missed you whenever you went out to scavenge, when we went to the farm and you and Louis would head out into the town… how he worried about you." I tell her and she moved her hand away from mine and I see her wipe the tears from her face.
"AJ did too… and Mary… and now we have a new kid to look out for." I tell her.
"Is it sad that… that I wished she didn't get attached to me so quickly?" I hear her ask.
"A little… kids look up to you, you are kind to them, they can trust you." I tell her.
"Do you think Mary hated me?" She asked.
"No, she and I had talked before, she didn't blame you, and she said if she did, she forgave you, you didn't pull the trigger and you tried to save Christa." I tell her.
"What if I get her killed too?" I hear her ask.
"You won't I know you won't let anything happen to her, we just have to teach her is all, just like we did AJ." I tell her. She didn't say anything to me, and I take a deep breath as I look at the roads a bit.
"I found something… in town when AJ and I went to find whatever we could." She tells me and I look at her as she pulled something from her shirt pocket, and I see that it looked like some old newspaper article.
"What's it say?" I asked.
"The report of a local girl having been in her grandmothers house when said grandmother shot herself, Mr. and Mrs. Aldon have only stated that their mother and Mother in law had shot herself in her own home while watching their daughter who's name will not be revealed for the sake of privacy. From the police reports it's said that the grandmother had planned to take her own life for a while now, from her personal diaries to letters to families later being received a few days after her death." She read to me, and I looked at the road then back to her.
"Why would you-."
"Take it?... I don't know… it just… it was on the wall and I just took it… least I know what happened after I had been sent away." She tells me and I take a stop at one of the many abandoned rest stops.
"Plus… it has her picture." She says and shows me, and I look to see a picture of an elderly woman, she had short hair and was small in body frame.
"But you have her photo's already." I tell her.
"Not this one… I never saw this one… and I didn't see it in the albums either." She tells me and I look at the photo a bit and then take a small breath as I looked to Violet.
"Looks kind of like me hu?" She asked as a joke, and I smile.
"Yea… grey hairs and all." I joked and she shoved me lightly.
"I didn't think I would make it this far." She says and I watched as she leaned back into the seat and closed her eyes just a bit. She then put the article in her shirt pocket again and I look at her.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked. She looked a bit hesitant to speak on it, but she took a breath and looked to me a bit then looked down a bit.
"You know… growing old, I thought I would die the day David and the others attacked the community, I thought I would die when Joan found us and she killed Mary… when we got back to Texas and I thought she killed AJ and Willy, I was ready to die… I just… never thought I'd live this long… heheh remember when we played that card game with Marlon and Louis? And I asked out of all of us, who would die?" She asked and I look at her.
"Yea and we all agreed it would be Louis... even Louis himself." I say and she nods.
"I don't know why I remembered that… just a stupid card game." She says and I look at the rest stop.
"Come on, let's walk a bit." I say and we get out of the car and head over to the benches. I look around the area a bit and I looked to Violet who closed her eyes as the wind blew in our faces.
"Relaxing hu?" She asked and I nod at this.
"Yea, it is… I wish everyday could be like this." I tell her and she looks at me.
"Hey, I have a question." I say and she nods a bit at this.
"Do you still have that photo of me?" I asked and she smiled as she pulled it from her back pocket.
"A wallet? Really? When did you have time to get one?" I asked and she laughed.
"Got it with my last run with Omar and Ruby, thought I should take it… your photo is a bit… bloody though." She says as she opened the wallet and grabbed it.
"Wish we could take another one." I say as I saw some of the blood on it.
"You still look the same… maybe some crows feet but still the same." She says and I laughed.
"I told you I have those good genes." I tell her and she laughed a bit at this.
"Yea." She says and I watched as she began walking on a trail in the woods and I followed her. We stayed silent for a while as we kept walking. She would look all around, and I kept my eye on her for a bit before she stopped and looked around.
"You, ok?" I asked and she nods and rubbed her head a bit.
"Yea just… wanting to see the area." She tells me. Though I feel like she was lying to me. She looked confused and I go up to her and place my hand on her shoulder and she looks at me a bit scared and I look to her with worry.
"Violet?" I asked and she shakes her head a bit and I look at her and she looked back to me.
"Vi." I say and she looked to the ground.
"I just… want to say I'm sorry for anything I had done." She tells me.
"You've already apologized no need to keep doing that." I tell her.
"It's the only thing I can think to say to you." She tells me and I look at her a bit and then I feel her grab my hand. I look at her as she takes me to the side a bit and there is a huge lake with smaller islands in the water scattered around the area. I heard some birds and frogs, some splashing sounds as well and I look at Violet as she looked around a bit.
"It's beautiful." I tell her and she nods and smiled at me.
"I heard splashing as we walked it was laud but I think it was a bigger animal." She tells me and we look around and I see a doe on the side and I point to it. Violet looked at it and then looked around again and pointed to the water as a Crane flew on by and I smiled at this then at her as she kept her eyes to the water. She looked happy at this point, but was it just a cover up? Was she lying to me about how she is really feeling? I watched as she stood a bit tall and then she takes a breath then looks to me, winks and then puts her hands to the sides of her mouth to echo out what she was about to yell.
"I LOVE MY WIFE CLEMENTINE!" She yelled and I laughed at this, and the words echoed out and I smiled and put my hands to the side of my face, and I yell as well.
"I LOVE MY WIFE VIOLET!" I yelled and she looked to me and cuffed her hands again and she yells just to yell, no real words and just doing something.
"YAHOOOOOOO!" She yelled and I look at her and smiled a bit as she looked to me and smiled.
"Feels damn good to yell." She tells me and I nod at this.
"It does, I'm glad you feel good… want to keep yelling?" I asked and she nods and yells once more.
"FUCK YOU WALKERS!" She yelled and I look at her more and she bounces a little on her feet. As if she was excited about this, as if this was actually making her happy. She then takes the biggest breath she's had and yells once more.
"FUCK YOU JOAN!" She yelled and I see her smile. The biggest smile I've seen in years. She was about to yell again but then stopped. She frowned a bit and I watched as she clenched her hands into fists, but then she looked to me and I look at her and she smiled a little bit, just a small smile.
"Vi?" I asked.
"I'm sorry." She says.
"Violet-."
"I know I know, it loses its meaning after saying it so many times but… I feel like I need to tell you that I am sorry." She tells me and I see her put her hand on her hip. Right where here gun is, and I look at her and I see her with her head down a bit. but then she lifts her head up a bit and I look at her.
"Think I'm going to shoot myself?" She asked and I didn't move my head to indicate a yes or a no. She sighs just a little and unholsters her gun and I go up and grabbed her hand and she looked at me and I looked back to her. She pulled the gun out fully and unclips it by pressing the button and jerking her hand a bit to get the clip out. I watched her as she looked to the gun, and she slowly moved her hand in a twisting motion as if offering it to me and I use my other hand to grab it and let go of her wrist.
"I wasn't going to… I wasn't." She says and I nod.
"I know I just… I just didn't." I tried to say something, but nothing happened. How could I tell her that I actually thought that she would take her own life, how can I tell her that I was worried she would do hat to herself.
"I would be a beautiful place to die though." She says and I look at her as she looks to the lake. I looked to the lake as well and it was beautiful but for her to say that made me worry more.
"I didn't come with you just so I could take myself out… I came because you need me, and I do need to pay my respects to Lee as well." She tells me and I nod a bit at this. She looks at me and sighs a bit at this and she moves to walk back to the car. I follow her from behind after I picked up the clip and looked at the gun in my hand. We head on over to the car and I watched as she pulled something else out of her pocket and it was a cigarette pack and lighter. She leans on the car a bit and lights it up then looks at me and smiles gently.
"Sorry… I know I told you I didn't like it when you smoked but… I'll try and quit, ok?" She asked and I nod at this. She took an inhale of the cigarette and then exhaled the smoke as she leaned more back onto the car. I went over to her and leaned on the car next to her and she looked to me and smiled just a bit.
"Sorry for making the trip a little longer." She tells me and I shake my head at this.
"No, it's fine." I tell her and she nods. When she finished we headed on into the car and she drove us for a while. A few days pass us by and we finally reach Georgia and she heads over to the house where we buried Lee. I get out of the car and so does Violet, she looks around a bit and so do I as we head over to the back of the house, and I see that the cross is on the ground.
"Damn it." I hear her mutter as she goes over and fixes the cross. I went over to help her but she stopped me and I look to her as she digs the hole a bit and placed the cross into the ground again.
"Could get some concrete." She mutters and I shake my head.
"It's fine… even if there was concrete it can still break." I tell her and she sighed at this but also nods.
"Yea… yea." She mutters. We looked to the grave a bit and I take a seat as does she as we looked to the grave. What could I say to it? Lee can't answer me back, I thought I would be able to talk to him, but I think staying silent is ok. It seems ok to me at least. I feel a hand on my back and I look to see Violet as she looked to Lee's grave. She didn't show any emotions, and even if she did what would it be?
"You, ok?" She asked but still didn't look to me.
"Yea just… don't know what to say." I tell her honestly. She nods a little then stand up and looked down at me.
"I'll let you be alone… see if there is anything left to take." She tells me and I nod as she goes into the house. I look to the grave a bit and place my hand to my cheek.
"Hey… Lee… I'm doing fine as you can see… growing old too heh… lost a leg but Violet is great at making me a new one… I feel like… I feel like I can't help her as much as I could, she has been through so much and I just…. I feel like I'm not supporting her enough, she's told me most of what she had been through but I feel like… she doesn't want to tell me everything I get it, I really do." I tell the grave and I sighed a bit.
"I wish you were here to help me, I wish you can tell me what I can do to help her." I say quietly. I tried to think about anything, and I wipe the tears from my face.
"AJ has grown up so much, you'd be proud of him… I know I am… you probably know that Mary didn't make it… Violet blames herself for what happened, thinks that Mary probably hates her, but it wasn't Violet's fault, it was Joan… I hope she's rotting in hell." I muttered and looked to my arm.
"It's sad that I'm happy that Violet got to… take her out but I think it's affecting her too… not that she regrets it, just… was it enough? Should she have let Joan suffer more? I don't know." I say and take a breath.
"There is a new girl in our group, her name is Liz, and it's so strange, she looks like Violet but with the brown hair and brown eyes, other than that, spitting image." I say and laugh a little. When I finished I looked to the side and I see Violet walk past the window by the kitchen. She was looking down and I get up and head over to the door and opened it. She looked at me as I looked to her.
"You have a nice chat?" She asked and I nod.
"Yea… we can stay a day." I tell her and she nods and comes up and kisses my cheek and when she pulled away from me I cupped her cheeks in my hands. She looked to me and I look back at her and kissed her on the lips. I feel her wrap her arms around my waist well her arm, the prosthetic was being held by her other hand as she kisses me back. When we pulled apart, I looked to her and she kisses my neck gently and then pulled back.
"Sorry I just… we haven't kissed like that in so long." She says and we both laughed at this.
"Yea." I say and she looked to me I rubbed her cheek gently with my thumb and I kissed her again and again. I guess I wanted her to know she was loved, that I love her and I don't care if she feels like I shouldn't. I just wanted her to know that I was here for her, that I would help her when she needs it even if she doesn't ask for it I would help her. We pulled apart again and I feel her move back a bit, but she looked at me and I smiled at her.
"I love you, Violet." I tell her. She looked to the side a bit at this and looked back to me and I was worried a bit.
"I love you too Clem… I'll always love you." She tells me and I nod a little. She holds my hand up a bit and it's the one place where my ring is. She looks at it a bit and messes with it, not taking it off at all.
"Clem… am I a good person?" She asked.
"Of course, you are, why would you think that you aren't?" I asked a bit shocked at this.
"I think we both know why." She says.
"Vi… you're a good person." I tell her and she nods a bit at this.
"You're… you're a good person too Clem." She tells me and I nod at this.
"Violet, you are a good person, you have done so much I don't know how you can think you aren't, I'll tell you over and over again, even when you're just laying on your death bed I'll fucking bother the hell out of you telling you, that you're a good person, you're a wonderful wife, you're an amazing caregiver to AJ and now Liz… I love you because you are a good person." I tell her. She looked like she didn't believe me, and I make her look at me gently.
"You took care of AJ when I was kidnapped, you helped save us on that boat, you have helped me, I love you, AJ loves you, everyone loves you, Violet, we want to help you anyway we can." I tell her and she looks down at this.
"I know, I know… I just… need some time is all." She tells me as I place my head on her shoulder and she rubs my back.
"I just need time, that's all I can tell you." She tells me and I nod at this, and we pull apart.
"Alright, we can stay a day, rest up a bit and then head on back out." I tell her and she nods at this. She heads on over to the old couch and takes a seat and then looks to me and pats the seat next to her. I go over to her and she looked to my leg a bit and I roll my eye as I take it off and hand it to her. She takes a quick look at it and I smiled a bit at this. It seems that anytime she works on my leg it makes her a little happy. It seems to me that anytime she gets to work on anything she's happy. Is it because it keeps her mind preoccupied? Is it because she thinks that she's doing something good? But she had always done good. Can she not see that? Can she not see that she's a good person, that she has sacrificed so much already?
"You're staring." I hear and I look up to her.
"You thinking about when you lost it?" She asked as she lifted my leg up a bit.
"Yea, just… lot has changed but I don't know still so weird to see it, and even then I should be use to it." I tell her.
"Yea… going to be so weird with my arm being gone." She says and waves it a bit and I smiled softly at this and nod.
"I'm glad… I'm glad that you let Ruby cut your arm off." I tell her honestly and I feel the tears fall from my face.
"Minerva… she was helping me try and understand why you might not want to, and I get it, I do but it hurt to think you might… that you wanted to just turn… how do you think I would have felt?" I asked getting a bit mad at this. I look at her and she looked back to me sadly.
"I told you-."
"I don't care if you didn't want to be saved but did you think after what I told you about Lee, after you saw that I couldn't… that I couldn't shoot him myself… you did… and do you think AJ would have been able to do it?" I say to her, and she sighed.
"I was just…. I don't know and I'm sorry I made you feel the way you did… you don't have to forgive me, I don't deserve it." She tells me and I looked to the side.
"I'm sorry for bringing it up." I tell her.
"No, no it's a good thing you did, you need to talk about it, I need to talk about it, it's… it's had an effect on us." She tells me and then hands me my leg back.
"I'm going to barricade the door and stuff… and we can sleep." She tells me as she leaves and I get up to try and help her but she stopped me. I can hear as she moves the bookcases and other large objects to the doors and then she comes back and closes the blinds. She then comes back over to the couch and lays her head on my lap and I look down at her as she looked up to me. She smiled and I rubbed her head gently as she moved to face my stomach and I just keep rubbing her head.
"Sorry." She says and I shrugged, and we shifted a bit so I could lay down as well.
"It's ok." I tell her. We then ended up falling asleep on the couch together it was a quiet and peaceful moment for us, hoping no one would bother us, no raiders, no assholes trying to kill us, not much with Walkers either so it was nice to be able to let our guards down even for a short while. We woke up when the sun was setting, and I look around a bit but as I sit up I didn't feel Violet on top of me so I get up and look around a bit.
"Violet?" I asked as I looked around but I don't see her anywhere so I get up and look around.
"Vi?" I asked as I keep looking.
"Hey where are you?" I asked and then looked to the backdoor and I open it a bit before I hear something.
"I think… Clem will be ok… she has lots of friends and family now back at the school." I hear and keep myself hidden.
"I'm not going to do anything bad to myself it's just… whenever I do go away I think she will be fine… maybe some sad days here and there but we know Clem… she'll… bottle it up until one day… she talks to someone about it." I hear Violet say and I look down.
"I know it's stupid to say that but we… both know how she is… she'll be ok though." I hear and then walk out the door and she turns to look at me.
"Hi." She tells me and I nod and I go and take a seat next to her and she looked to me as I looked back to her. I smiled a bit to her and we look to the grave a bit.
"We should head home soon." She tells me and I nod at this.
"Yea… just a little longer?" I asked as I look to her and she nods and I look back to Lee's grave. I don't know how long we had been here but we did get up and she helped me up. We looked to the grave one lest time and Violet leaves the area and I follow her and we head into the car. She gets in the driver's seat and I get in the passenger's side.
"I know you heard me." She says as she starts driving the car and I look at her.
"What?" I ask.
"I know you heard me talking to Lee… not all that I had said just the ending." She says.
"How?" I ask.
"Heard the door creak a bit is all, and plus I heard you call my name when you got close to the kitchen window." She says and I rubbed my head a bit at this.
"I didn't mean-."
"I know you didn't… I know." She tells me and I look to her a bit.
"It's ok, so don't worry… was speaking my mind is all." She tells me and I nod a bit and then look as the tree pass us by and I think a bit.
"Why… would you say something like that though?" I asked her.
"Eh, getting old does this to people still thinking about death but by Walkers for one and old age the next… come on Clem you know we all will think about it." She tells me and I look to the road a bit.
"Clem don't think of it as a bad thing, I'm not taking my own life, I'm not going to do anything to do that, but… I will worry about you even when I am gone, I'll always worry about you." She tells me. I feel tears in my eyes and I wipe them a bit and take a breath.
"Vi-."
"Clem… it's going to happen, no one lives forever, not in this world, not even in the old world… I just want you to know that, I'm always going to worry about you but don't take it as a bad thing… I just want to know that when I do end up passing on, that you'll be ok… that you won't be sad by my death and that you will keep being you even when I am gone." She tells me.
"You know I can't."
"I know you can Clem… I know you can." She says as she keeps driving.
"I can try." I tell her honestly and she nods.
"I'll take it, it's all I can do or say to you." She tells me and I nod a little at this.
"It's all I can say." I tell her and look to her a bit then back to the road again. We drove for hours upon hours before we finally get back to Texas in a few days. It was night time when we get to the gate and Willy opened the gate and we go in and Violet parked the car. I look to her as she just stays in the car and I place my hand on her shoulder and she looked to me.
"You ok?" She asked and I nod.
"What about you?" I asked and she nods at this.
"Fine as I can be." She tells me and I nod. She gets out of the car and I watch as Liz and AJ run up to her, she smiled at them and Liz took her over to the picnic tables we had set out and was showing her something, and I looked to AJ who gets in the car with me and looks over to me.
"You ok?" He asked and I take a breath and think.
"I don't know AJ… I heard something I shouldn't have and I just… it's going to be on my mind for a while." I tell him and he nods.
"I get it… we can talk about it later; Omar has dinner ready for you guys." He says and I nod and get out the car and we all go and have some dinner. It was nice and quiet; Minerva had asked how the trip was, we explained it but left out some details of course. We finished dinner and Violet and I went to bed as did the others. She went into the guest room and I sighed a bit as I go over to the door and look to her.
"You don't want to be in our room?" I asked and she looks to me.
"I will… when I'm not afraid… I'll explain once we have gotten some sleep." She tells me and I had to nod at this and she lays on the bed. I look to her one last time and I go over to our room and I lay down on the bed and look to the ceiling. I couldn't do anything, I can't say anything, what can I do to help her, what can I do to just help Violet in all of this. Does she think she's going to die soon? Does she still want to die? I don't want her to have that mindset anymore, not when she can talk to me, she can talk to anyone. Is she avoiding me for reasons? What are the reasons? I'll have to ask her one day at least.
