(Violets Pov)
The tears kept running down my face and I wipe them away as fast as I could but they still kept going and I stopped trying to dry them. I take a deep breath and shake my head.
"I'm not a good person AJ, I fucked up so badly, I am fucked up, even when you all try to help me, I still can't stop thinking like that, like this." I cried and looked to him.
"And I don't want to think like this, I hate it so much, I want to believe you all but God…. Look at all the shit I've done." I tell him.
"You mean protecting us?" He asked and I look at him confused.
"I didn't-."
"When Joan was doing all that to you, you weren't thinking about yourself, you were thinking about your family, it might not have seemed that way to most people at the time, I get that but… now that I've had the time to actually think about it, you didn't sleep with Joan willingly, she took advantage of you, the fact that she used your fear of losing your family against you… it should make any sane person sick." He tells me and I look down.
"When she had you think that Willy and I were dead, when you were going to shoot yourself… you felt like you would be a monster didn't you?" He asked and I nod a bit.
"You felt depressed at the fact that you lost people you knew, who you not only just grew up with but take care of." He tells me.
"But I shouldn't be act-."
"PTSD is a thing Violet and you have it, others might have had it worse but that doesn't mean your problem shouldn't be taken into account, not everyone was beaten by a mad woman, not everyone was raped by a mad person, not everyone lost their family to a crazed group of people, hell there are people who have killed their own family but expect others to pity them when they just killed their kid or wife because they thought they were dead weight." He tells me and I look at him.
"Violet, you have to listen to us when we say we are worried about you, all of us, god damn it, Clementine feels like shit because you won't stay in the same room as her." He tells me.
"Because I almost stabbed her." I tell him.
"But you didn't do it intentionally, you had your weird hallucinations Clem understands, hell you kept acting like your old self, your personality would change some times and we have to ask you if you know where you are, or hell who you think you are." He tells me and I look down.
"But we know why you do it, and it's ok, because it helps us to help you." He says and I start walking.
"I shouldn't need help." I tell him as he walked next to me.
"Why? Everyone needs help even you." He says.
"Because I'm supposed to be the one people depend on, I'm not supposed to have problems, for gods sake AJ this problem caused me to kill Louis." I tell him.
"So what? He was always an idiot that never thought before he did something." He tells me.
"But I never wanted to hurt him AJ that's what I'm trying to say, I didn't mean to do it, yeah he was an idiot but I never wanted to hurt him, even if he did… probably take her from me." I say and I take a seat on the ground and lean my back against the wall.
"He didn't take her." He says and I rubbed my head.
"I argued with Clem on it… I don't want to talk anymore." I tell him.
"That's fine, we can sit here and then and I can talk to myself." He says and I look to him as he takes a seat next to me and he looked up to the sky.
"I once thought you were a superhero to me." He says to me.
"When I was younger of course." He says and I look to the ground.
"I always thought to myself, Violet is like a superhero, just like Clementine, another person I could look up to, you know?" He asked and I look to him and I think a bit.
"Did you have a hero?" He asked and I think a little.
"I guess my grandfather… but he would be disappointed in me." I tell him.
"I don't think he would be, but that's my opinion." He says and I look to AJ and I chuckled.
"If he was still alive, I think he would have loved to meet you." I tell AJ and he looked to me.
"He would?" He asked and I nod.
"Oh yeah, I mean he loved me, why wouldn't he love my family?" I asked and he thinks and I chuckled.
"Ok, you're right." He says and I smile at him and I pat his head and looked to the ground again.
"I'm going to go check on Clementine." He says and I nod.
"Yeah, um… I need to think." I say quietly as he leaves and I look to the wall a bit and I get up and start walking the boarder of the wall again. I checked around for any other issues with the wall and found a few more and I rubbed my head and then I head back to the house and grabbed my notebook.
"Whatcha writing?" I hear and I look to see Clementine and Minerva.
"Oh uh… AJ is looking for you." I tell her.
"I know, we talked, so…. What are you doing?" Clem asked.
"Oh uh, I need to find out how much concreate we need to get to patch up the walls, now that I think about it, we need to get some stuff for the garden, The shed, some part for the vehicles, especially for the Humvee, I need to go to the old base for that oh an-."
"Woah hold on there, who's going with you? When are you doing this? And how?" Minerva asked and I look to the both of them.
"Well, I'm going to go by myself." I tell them.
"No, you aren't." Clem tells me and I look to her.
"But-."
"I'll go with you; you just can't go on your own right now." Minerva says and I groaned.
"I'm fine I swear, I can do this myself." I tell them.
"Just humor us." Minerva says and I sighed.
"Fine, fine we can go, tomorrow, in the truck, more room and I have straps for the back so nothing falls out." I tell them.
"Alright." Minerva says and I nod as I write everything down that we would need.
"Also need to know if anyone needs anything while we are gone." I mutter and look to them.
"Alright we can do that while you finish up the list." Clem says and I nod as Minerva and her leave the room and I keep writing what we need. It wasn't long till Minerva came back in the house and handed me a list.
"Seeds, garden barriers, mulch if we can find any, lamps as well." I say and nod as I set the list in my booklet.
"Oh, also Aasim Junior and Delilah wanted to know if we could get them some toys and books so they could read too." Minerva says and I nod.
"Sure, I'll add it to the list." I tell her as I added it in the book and think some more.
"Could get some wood after the trip as well, got to make a few trips probably, I mean if you're ok with that." I say and look to her.
"I'm fine with it, make sure we have the tools to get the tree cut down." She tells me and I nod.
"Got my bag already ready." I tell her and I finish the list and set my book in my pocket.
"Alright, I'll let you be, but you might want to rest up as much as you can, seems like we're going to be really busy tomorrow." She says and I nod and I lay back on the couch and take a breath as I hear the front door close and I shut my eyes. I was woken up early in the morning by Minerva as she gently shook my shoulder. I opened my eyes and I roll to the side to try and go back to sleep.
"Hey none of that, come on." She says and I sighed as I sit up on the couch and rubbed my face a bit. I smell some coffee and I look to see Minerva holding a cup to me and I grabbed it then took a sip. It tasted good and I stand up and grabbed my bag as she grabbed hers. I grabbed my mug and we head to the truck and set our bags in the back and I got in the drivers seat. I cracked my neck a bit and set the cup in the cupholder and started up the truck then drove up to the gate. Minerva opened it up and I drive out and she closes the gat before getting in the truck.
"You know where we can get all this stuff?" She asked as I kept driving.
"Oh yeah, they were building a new store or something in the city, AJ and I had grabbed the bags there, left a few but it should be enough." I tell her.
"Oh? Interesting." She says and I nod.
"Yeah, it's great, plus the hardware store might have some stuff plus the garden supplies we need, as for the coloring books and stuff I think we might have to go to the store in the downtown area for that." I tell her.
"And the trees?" She asked.
"After we get all the supplies." I tell her and I look at her as she nods.
"Fair enough, this is going to be a long day." She says and I think.
"Could see if we can find a few drinks?" I asked.
"Oh no, no we will not be doing that." She says and I look at the road.
"Boo, that stinks." I mutter as I kept to the road.
"Yeah well, we don't need you getting drunk right now." She says.
"I didn't mean drink while we work though that would be great." I mutter and then smirked.
"Why would you want to do that?" She asked and I look at her then back to the road.
"Just for fun in all honesty, it's fun." I tell her and I sighed.
"I don't think you should be saying something like that should be fun." She tells me.
"Why not? It is fun." I tell her.
"It shouldn't be." She says and I chuckled.
"Well, it is for me, the rush of it all, the thrill." I tell her.
"It doesn't seem like fun." I hear.
"You should try it someday, at least not when Walkers are around." I say as I lift up the prosthetic.
"Damn need to get some more parts for my arm and Clem's leg." I say and chuckled a bit.
"Damn life cost us an arm and a leg." I tried to joke but she didn't laugh and I sighed at this. I drove into the construction site and parked the truck. We got the bags of concreate in the back, I tried the best I could and I grabbed the straps from the front of the truck just to get ready. We had grabbed the last bag and I hooked up the straps so the bags were secured and I tested them out to make sure they were tight enough.
"Secured." I say as I look to Minerva.
"Ok, the next thing is garden supplies." She says and I nod as we head over to the hardware store and I park the truck near the garden section. We head in and I am glad that there was still supplies left. I look around and find the soil, plant seeds, the barriers and I grabbed a few other things we might need.
"It's so overgrown." Minerva says and I look to her then to the dead plants but there was some living ones here and there.
"Oh yeah, you should see it in the summer, AJ and I were able to get a lot of tomato's." I tell her as we go and take the stuff to the truck and set them in the back. I look to the side as I hear something and I look around a bit.
"You good there Vi?" Minerva asked.
"Thought I heard something." I mutter.
"I didn't hear anything." She says and I shrugged.
"Could be in my head." I mutter and I make sure everything is secured. I then look to Minerva as she looked to me.
"You think Clem actually likes me?" I asked her.
"What?" She asked.
"Do you think that Clementine actually likes me? I mean… do you think she still loves me? even though I'm… crazy?" I asked her.
"I think she does… she knows you have your issues but she's still with you, isn't she?" She asked.
"My mom and dad hated each other but they stayed married." I tell her as we get back in the store and looked around some more.
"Clem loves you; she's just trying to be careful with you." She says to me as I picked up an old leather apron.
"Makes it sound like I'm just going to snap and hurt her if she says the wrong thing." I state and I keep the Apron with me and we walked some more.
"No, I mean… she doesn't want to set you off with how you… with what happened to you that is." She tells me.
"Ah, gotcha." I mutter and I crack my neck a bit and then rubbed my neck. It hurt like hell but what can we do?
"I mean… not in a negative way, it's just… is it cause she doesn't hug you a lot? Or touch you…. Not in a sexual way, but I mean… uh, how can I explain it." She mutters and I chuckled.
"Ok, ok I get it, I'm not the type of person who likes to be touched a lot." I say as I look around.
"I mean it's true." She says and I look to her.
"Especially when you have one of your episodes, it's…. scary." She says and I look at her.
"Minerva scared of little ol' me?" I asked and she looked to me.
"You are a terrifying woman Violet Everett, trust me." She says and I look to the side a bit and take a breath.
"So, I'm only scary when I have my episode." I say and look to her.
"Actually… yes, any other time you can be as sweet as a puppy." She says.
"Puppies can bite too." I tell her.
"Exactly, but you are… You're a wonderful woman trust me." She says and I shrugged and we couldn't find anything else to bring back and we headed back to the truck and she got in the driver's seat and I roll my eye and headed to the passenger side and we got in. She drove us back to the trailer park and I look to the window as the tree passed us by and I sighed as I rubbed my face a bit as I looked to Minerva.
"It's sad that after all this time I'm just scared." I tell her.
"Where is this coming from?" She asked as she kept driving.
"It's true, I mean I am scared, I'm always scared, scared I'll go off on Clem, AJ, Liz… everyone…. Scared I'll just snap and go off and hurt someone again…. I'm just a big old Scaredy cat." I tell her.
"Well, it's ok to feel scared." She tells me and I look to the window. I take a deep breath and then look to the dashboard and then looked back out the window.
"Are you sure you're feeling, ok?" She asked and I shrugged.
"I guess I'm just out of it right now." I tell her.
"Well… talk it out." She says and I chuckled for a bit.
"It's hard to talk about it though." I tell her. I then noticed that we were no longer heading back to the trailer park and I look at her.
"Just a little detour is all." She says and I look around.
"What kind of detour?" I asked as she kept driving.
"Just a small one." She says and I shake my head and lay my head on the window. I zoned out for a while before Minerva stopped the truck and I sit up in the seat and looked around to see where we were at.
"A gun range?" I asked and looked at her and she nods.
"Yep, but knowing you, we won't be wasting ammo, so… I had a crossbow in the back of the truck." She tells me and I look at her and nod a bit as we get out. We then go to the back of the truck as she grabbed the bow and arrow and we head over into the range area. The roof to the main building had collapsed as we walked through and I looked inside.
"Think we can find any random guns?" She asked and I shrugged.
"Maybe, wouldn't hurt to check, but to be honest they would be rusted by now if the roof collapsed like this." I say as we walked around for a bit.
"They have an archery area in the back." She tells me.
"You come here before?" I asked.
"Yeah, it was when you had left the trailer park after uh… well." She tried to say.
"When I tried to stab Clem?" I asked and she nods.
"Yeah, that." She says and I grabbed the bow and arrow from her and we head to the back.
"It's gonna be hard with one arm." I tell her.
"Fair enough, but hey." She says and we get to the archer's area and I look to the bow and arrow.
"How the hell am I able to shoot this?" I asked getting a bit pissed off.
"Hey calm down." She says.
"HOW? HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN? I HAVE ONE FUCKING ARM I CAN'T FUCKING SHOOT THE DAMN THING!" I yelled at her and she crossed her arms and looked to me.
"No reason to yell." She tells me and I ball my hand into a fist.
"FUCK YOU! YOU BROUGHT ME HERE FOR WHAT?!" I yelled again and she looked to me.
"Think of it as training, what are you going to do when this is all you have?" She asked.
"I don't know, fucking die?" I say getting pissed off.
"No, you adapt." She tells me and I keep quiet. There was nothing else for me to say, I mean what can I say?
"I can't use my fucking mouth, I'm literally useless Minerva." I tell her.
"You aren't you just think you are." She tells me and I look to the side a bit and then looked back to the bow for a bit.
What are you going to do?" She asked.
"Use my gun?" I asked.
"Nope." She says and I take a seat on the ground.
"No, none of that." She says as she tried to get me to stand up and I basically went dead weight on her.
"Violet, don't do this." She tells me and I shake my head. She then lets me go and sighed.
"Violet, you know you can survive in any situation, you take what you get and you learn from it." She tells me and I look to the ground for a bit.
"Minerva… what am I supposed to do? I can't even hold a rifle anymore and anytime I use my gun my hand flies back." I tell her.
"Yes, but you can still shoot your pistol, you still do what you can… I don't know, it was a bad idea to do this but it's all I can do to try… I'm not great when it comes to this." She says and I look at the wall of the building.
"No, it's just… I'm sorry for being a downer I just… I don't know what to do with a bow and arrow… honestly, I missed shooting a bow and arrow." I tell her.
"Think you could make a new arm to work with a bow and arrow?" She asked as she takes a seat next to me.
"I don't think I can, plus if I was supposed to use this when we get attacked then what? Change my arm out? In the middle of a fight?" I asked and I rubbed my head.
"No, just so you can have some fun. You haven't had any fun, I mean some real fun, not the adrenalin filled scare the crap out of us kind of fun." She says and I think a bit.
"I could try to do that… I should take up wildling, I kind of stopped after a lot of things." I tell her and she looks at me.
"There you go." She says and I sighed and got up from the ground as she also gets up and I grabbed the bow and look to it.
"Marlon's bow?" I asked and she sighed.
"Yeah, there was another one." She says and I look to her.
"Guess it was the one I had with Joan hu?" I asked.
"I didn't know when you got it, but I think so." She tells me and I chucked.
"I want to burn that fucker." I mutter and I set the bow down. She then picked it up and then grabbed an arrow and aimed at one of the targets and pulled the arrow back. She then took a shot and the arrow flew through the air hitting the target in the shoulder.
"Damn, rusty as fuck." She says.
"Nah it's a good shot, if there is only one person." I say as we go up to get the arrow.
"Well thanks for telling me I sucked." She says with a laugh and I look at her.
"Oh no, I'm being serious it's sometimes good, they are in so much pain especially if you get them in the knee." I tell her.
"Oh, that's a bit dark don't you think?" She asked and I shrugged.
"Eh depends on the situation." I tell her as she pulled the arrow out of the target.
"I guess I can see it if we're talking about someone attacking us, it's a good tactic but if it's the other way around it's a bit dark." She says and I chuckled as we get back to the truck and I look to the window a bit.
"When we get back home, I just want to relax." I tell her.
"Relax how?" She asked and I smirked.
"With Clem." I say.
"Oh gross, I didn't need to hear that." She joked and I laughed.
"Sorry, no I think I just want to lay back, maybe sleep for a bit, I deserve to be a little lazy for one day." I say.
"There you go, just relax do what you want and don't worry about working." She says as she keeps driving.
"Yeah, I mean I don't have to be on my guard all the time, it's not like a team of bandits are going to just, storm our home and kill my family." I say and then slumped a bit in the seat.
"Hey, there are others at the trailer park that can keep others safe, do you not just trust us?" She asked.
"I do trust you guys, I just… feel like I need to be on guard at all times." I mutter and sighed.
"I know what you mean, let's be fair you're the type of person that feels like they need to be a protector." She tells me and I look at her.
"I'm right, aren't I?" She asked and I nod a bit.
"Yeah, I suppose." I mutter.
"It's not a bad thing, it's actually really good that you feel like that, but… you're hurting yourself when you don't take a break." She tells me and I sighed.
"Yeah… alright, like I said I'm taking a break today, just me being lazy." I tell her.
"There you go." She says and I see that we are by the trailer park and she pulls up to the gate. Omar opened it with Willy and we get in. Minerva parks the truck by my house and we get out.
"Hey, you doing good?" Clem asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, oh and I'm basically going to be off the clock today if that's fine?" I asked her.
"Of course, do you need some?" She asked and I nod as we head over to Ruby.
"Hey Ruby can you get some of the stuff for Violet?" Clem asked and I look to Ruby who nods.
"Sure, I'll be right back." She tells me as she heads to her house and I look to Clem for a bit as I take a seat.
"You good?" She asked.
"Eh just a bit of back pain, but it'll go away." I tell her.
"Are you sure?" She asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, I'm sure." I tell her and she nods. Ruby then comes back and hands me a small tin cigarette holder and I take it and look in it to see some weed already rolled up.
"We have some small snacks for you too, Omar made some." She says to me and I nod at this.
"Thanks… does anyone else want some?" I asked.
"Sure, why the hell not, today should just be a relax day." Ruby says and I smiled as the other adults came over and I grabbed a joint and lit it up. I took a puff and then passed it to Clementine who also took a puff and then passed it. I then see the kids looking at us and they came over to us.
"What's that?" Delilah asked and Ruby ended up coughing a bit and I chuckled as she tried to explain to the younger ones a little lie.
"It's a cigarette these are bad for you." She says and I look to see AJ looking at me. I had the joint in my hand and I hold it out to him.
"Wait really?" He asked.
"Sure, you're basically an adult." I chuckled and Clem hits my shoulder lightly and I smirked at her then looked to AJ.
"You don't have to." I tell him but he takes the joint and takes a puff. He ends up coughing a lot and hands the joint back to me and I chuckled at this as I take a puff myself and passed it to Clem.
"That stuff stinks." AJ says and I nod a bit.
"Oh yeah, like a skunk." I say and I hear Ruby laugh a bit at this and I couldn't help but chuckle as well.
"Yeah… bleh, I can still smell it." He says and covers his nose and we all chuckled at this.
"It takes some getting use to." I tell him and I get the joint again and finished it. We all sat for a bit and relaxed for a bit. When the high ended up hitting us I decided to lay on the ground as does Clementine and I look to the sky.
"Dude, this stuff is so good." I hear Willy says and I chuckled.
"Anyone want another?" I asked.
"Hell yeah." I hear and I sit up and grabbed another joint and we all start smoking it. I laid back down on the ground and I feel Clem grab my hand and I look at her as she looked to the sky and then pointed up to the sky.
"Clouds are so weird." She says.
"Yeah… how the hell does it hold water?" I asked.
"Magic." Aasim says and we laughed and I look to see their kids laying next to their parents. They didn't know what was going on but they looked to be having fun. I look to see Liz as she comes over to Clem and I and I look back to the sky.
"Clouds are angry when it storms." AJ says and I smile.
"Why do they get angry?" I asked.
"I heard that the reason it rains is because an angel is sad." Omar says.
"Ooooh that makes so much sense." I mutter.
"Right?" He asked and I look at the clouds more.
"Hey, clouds are like stars they make shapes." Clem says.
"Oh my god, what if our clouds are some other planet's stars, and the same for us." Willy asked.
"Shit dude, when it rains for us it's like a starless night for them." Aasim says and we all laughed.
"You're all morons." AJ says and we laughed.
"Dude this stuff is so awesome." I mutter and look to the side as I look at Clementine.
"Ruby can grow some good stuff." Minerva says and I smiled.
"Dude." I say as I sit up and looked around and Sasha runs up to me and I pet her.
"What if dogs could talk but they just don't want to talk to us?" Aasim asked.
"Dude that makes me sad now." I say as I hugged the dog.
"Why?" Clem asked.
"That means she doesn't think I'm good enough to talk to." I say and Sasha licks my cheek as I hold her more to me.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." He says.
"Do you guys think if you're a Walker you can feel pain?" I hear and look to AJ.
"I hope not, that would suck." Minerva says as everyone sits up and I lean my back on the seat of the picnic table.
"But what if you do?" He asked.
"Just take me out if that happens." I say and pet Sasha more as she starts to fall asleep and I look to Liz who was looking down.
"Hey, you good there kiddo?" I asked and she looks at me and nods.
"Yeah, I'm good." She says.
"You sure?" I asked as the others talked to each other.
"It's just what AJ asked." She says and I look to her.
"What if people do feel pain? After being turned into a Walker I mean." She says and I think.
"I can't tell you if it's true or not, we don't know." I tell her and take a breath.
"But it's best to just take the person out before they can feel that pain you know?" I asked her and she nods.
"I don't think I can do it." She says and I looked away from her then back to her and I see a younger AJ as he looked to me.
"I don't think I can do it." I hear him ask.
-Flashback-
"I don't think I can do it Violet." He says as I look to him. We were working on the bike right now and I had asked for the bolt before he had said this.
"What? Ride a bike? It's easy AJ." I say as I look to him and set the tool down.
"No, I mean… what if Clem had turned?" He says and I look to the house where Clem was resting up. Her stump ad been bothering her so I gave her some pain medication but they made her drowsy as well. I look back to AJ as he sat next to me and I pat his shoulder.
"You wouldn't have to take care of it." I tell him.
"But I'll have to one day." He says and I sighed a bit and lean back on the palm of my hands and I look to the Sky.
"AJ, Clem would never put you in that situation, after what had happened to Lee, she understands… I mean now she does, she was raised out of walls for years, she had to get tough, and she thought that…. It was the right thing to say at the time." I tell him and he groaned a bit and placed his hands to his face.
"I can't be tough, I can't be like Clem." He says and I hear him sniffle a bit.
"She isn't asking you to be like her, you know this AJ." I tell him.
"But what am I supposed to do? What if you get bit?" He asked and I laughed.
"Like hell I'm getting bit, and even if I did, I'll just cut the limb off or take myself out." I tell him.
"That's morbid." He says and I chuckled.
"That word book is doing great for you." I tell him and he nods sadly.
"Maybe I'm not cut out for this." He says and I sit up and hit my hands to my knees.
"Alvin Lee Junior, are you saying you aren't a survivor?" I asked him and he looked to me.
"So many people took care of me." He says.
"So? You're a kid, you were born into a world filled with Walkers, AJ you are a survivor, you are one bad ass, and yet the most sweetest kid I know… So what if you need help? Look at me, I still need help and I'm old." I tell him and we laughed a bit.
"But you know what to do." He says.
"No, I don't, I have no clue what I'm doing AJ hell you think I knew how to survive in an apocalypse? No, God know I would have loved to have known what to do, but I don't." I tell him.
"But you've been in this world longer." He says.
"So? Still doesn't mean I know what to do. AJ I didn't know there was living people eating other living people until Clem told us, we had no idea about these wars going on till Clem told us, we have just been in one area for years." I tell him.
"I just… I don't know." He says and I look at him and take a breath.
"AJ life sucks, it's going to suck, but trust me, I don't know what else to say if I want to be honest with you, and see that shows you that I'm still learning, it's hard to talk about these things because I have no idea." I tell him and he nods a little.
"I'm sorry." He says to me and I give him a hug.
"Don't be sorry AJ, it's ok to have questions like that." I tell him and he nods. He then grabs the tool and I show him how to fix the bike properly and he helps me work on it.
-End Of Flashback-
I guess I was just quiet for too long because I feel someone shaking my shoulder and I turn to see Clem looking at me worried and I feel tears running down my face so I wipe them away.
"Are you ok?" I hear and I nod.
"Yeah just… thought back to AJ when he was younger and asking questions." I chuckled and I look to the boy as he looked to be asleep and I take a breath.
"Do you want to go inside?" She asked and I nod as Sasha gets off my lap and I tried to get up but I fell back down and chuckled and waved my hand as I lay on the ground.
"I think I'll stay here; the ground is comfortable." I tell her and she looks down at me as I look back up to her.
"You sure?" She asked and I nod a bit.
"Yeah, it feels nice out." I tell her.
"A bit cold if you ask me." She joked and I chuckled.
"I've been in worse." I tell her.
"Same, it was after AJ was born, big snow storm hit the area, hard to see a Walker in any direction, it could have been right in my face and it would be to late." She tells me as she takes a seat and I look at her.
"I love you so much Clem, I don't know if I say it enough sometimes." I tell her and she looks to me and places her hand on my head and rubs it gently. It feels so nice.
"You do, but saying it more would be nice… also I love you too." She says and I smile a little at her.
"Even with all my problems?" I asked.
"Yeah, I wish I could take those problems from you." She says and I look at the sky a bit.
"I'm ok with how my life is though." I tell her.
"Care to explain?" I hear her ask and I shut my eyes.
"I have a family that loves me, even though I have done so many fucked up things." I tell her and I think some more.
"And the fact that I'm still alive, it's a good thing as well." I say and opened my eyes and looked to Clem as she kept rubbing my head.
"I'm sorry for being the cause of your problems." She says and I look at her and I sit up as she moved a bit.
"You didn't-."
"If I didn't show up at the school then you might not have ended up like this." She says to me and I glare at her a bit.
"Or I could be with the delta? I could be dead, could have killed myself or someone killed me… I could be a Walker Clem many things could have happened; you didn't cause any of this." I tell her and she looked to me. I think for a bit as she looked away from me. I looked to see that no one was paying attention so I get up and use the picnic seat as leverage.
"Hey where are you-." She tried to ask and I hold my hand to her and she looked to me as I raised my brow and she takes my hand and I helped her up.
"Come with me." I say as I walk over to the trailer and I'm holding her hand. I take her over to the back yard and I look to her as she looked back to me.
"Why did you bring me over here?" She asked and I look at her.
"Clementine, I love you, I'm glad you are in my life… I'm glad that after all we have been through you still want to stay with me even though we know damn well you have every reason to just leave me. I know I have been a bitch lately and I'm trying to fix all of that but it's hard and I'm glad that you are taking your time with me on this. That you are willing to help me even after time and time again I have refused your help. You are a wonderful woman, a wonderful mother to AJ, and I wish I could be half the person you are." I tell her.
"You… you're way better." I hear Clem mutter and I lift her head up as she had looked to the ground. she looks at me and I smile a bit.
"Clem I'm not, I know I'm not… You have been through so much more and you're still as sane as I remember, you didn't go crazy like I did." I tried to joke with her but she doesn't laugh. She ends up kissing me and I kissed her back gently. I place my hand to her sides as I pulled her a little closer and then we pulled apart.
"I love you, I'm so sorry if I made you think I didn't." She cried and I pulled her to me as she laid her head on my shoulder and gripped my shirt.
"Hey don't feel sorry about any of that." I tell her as I moved my hand to rub her back gently.
"I didn't mean to, I just… sometimes you make me angry with how you act like you don't care about your safety, and it scares the hell out of me because I don't want to lose you just because you wanted to feel in control for a short time." She tells me and I nod.
"I'll start working on that, I'm sorry I didn't ask how you felt on what I was doing, and if you did, I'm sorry for not listening to you and worrying you even more." I tell her and she hugs me tightly.
"I just don't want to lose you." She says.
"I don't want to lose you either." I tell her. We stood there for a bit before we pulled apart and I look to the house and I take a breath as I head inside.
"I'm just going to sleep this off." I tell her.
"Same… will you… lay with me?" She asked and I look to her and nod as we head inside and head into our room. I sit on the bed and take my boots off and sighed as I felt lighter on my feet.
"God your feet stink." She says and I laughed as I pulled my leg up a bit.
"Nah they smell like roses." I say as she shoved my leg away laughing and I laughed too.
"Roses smell good, that smells like death, and I should know." She says and I chuckled.
"I need to find some new socks, these have so many holes in them." I say as I lay on the bed and she lays her head on my chest and I place my hand on her head.
"Yeah, but I have a pair you can have until we can get some more." She says and I nod a bit and yawned. We both ended up falling asleep and it was the best sleep I've had in years.
