TW: Graphic content (descriptions of injuries, character death) Stay safe folks
When the war finally reached its breaking point, it was far from the decisive battle we all anticipated. The Empire troops had to regroup after the failure of their first assault. They were forced to attack from an inferior position with scattered resources. They still outnumbered the Surdan host three to one which prevented us from forcing conclusions with them. But neither could they successfully lay siege to Cithrí. The past several days consisted of small, testing clashes in the shadow of the city. Thus far, Surda managed to hold her own… but the last of these attacks threw everything into chaos: one of the forsworn joined the fray.
It's disgusting how " relieved " I felt when the thrum of heavy wing beats manifested a pale-yellow splotch with a cocky, scrawny blonde on his back. Ellessar was the black sheep of our family; an arrogant nobleman's son who only joined Galbatorix in the first place for his own ego. Oh, but how quickly that relief soured as the pair swept low over our troops, raining down fiery death. I'd never actually seen a dragon used against ground troops on an open battlefield. Once the smoke cleared and we took stock of the damages… I hoped to never face the sight again.
His actions begged for a response… and we were all determined to give him one.
"The bastard ignored the field of battle!" One of the generals, a grizzled veteran of the royal army, spat in rage, "His target was the medical tent itself, and everyone in it. If anything, it's a miracle our losses weren't higher!"
"Four and fifty dead is high enough," the king sighed, scrubbing his face with scarred hands.
"And six of them mages!" Lady Marelda added. I winced, as did many of the present circle members. There were only a handful of our magic users with the skill and stamina to serve as medics. The half-dozen we'd just lost were some of the best; they were nigh-on irreplaceable.
"What can we do? The men can't keep this up forever, and with that damn lizard in the sky we'll have even more wounded!"
"We could retreat and sue for peace," The lady said dryly, "Or tighten our belts and finally drive these bastards out for good."
"And I assume you have a brilliant strategy on how to accomplish that?" the general waved a hand at Lady Marelda.
"We do," I slid into position beside her, resting my fingers on the sketched-out map before us. I waited to make sure everyone was willing to listen before continuing. "Katana will be in position by early morning. When Ellessar reappears, she can distract him from the soldiers below long enough for us to make our move. If we come at them with everything we have while they're unbalanced, then we can push them back," I paused to look around the table at the grim faces of my comrades. "Galbatorix is trying to make a statement; he thinks that he is indomitable; edoc'sil. We must show the world that Surda is every bit as stubborn as he is."
"Except he has the resources to draw this war out as long as he likes," another man grumbled.
I shook my head. "Not so. He cannot face public humiliation here, nor will he risk losing still more territory to our advance. If we can dislodge his foothold on this field, then we'll have excellent leverage to force him into a peace agreement."
"Make peace with an oathbreaker? That sounds like an excellent way to get us all killed!" the first general pounded a fist on the table, tearing a brand new cavern along the Spine's northern reaches.
I glared him down in stony silence. This one in particular struggled to maintain his bluster once confronted. I answered him as simply as I could, "Short of marching on Uru'baen unaided, I see no other choice."
The king had scarcely blinked since I began speaking. As I finished, he mirrored my pose and stared at my face. "And you?"
"Sandy and I will take over as medics." The general managed a muffled scoff, but he choked it down as another glare (this time from Lady Marelda) pierced him. I continued, "She has practical knowledge but has not fully recovered her strength. I have had extensive training in the healing arts, though no experience applying it to a combat situation. Between the two of us, we should be able to both heal and guard the wounded."
"And what of Katana?" The king asked, "Shouldn't you be at her side? They don't call them 'Dragon Riders' for nothing."
"Katana and I understand how best to apply our respective skills. You desperately need a seasoned mage to monitor the wounded, and the type of maneuvering that she'll require to engage with Ellessar would be much harder with a person on her back." I nodded for the lady to continue.
"And I would petition your majesty for the honor of leading the charge," Marelda said boldly, squaring her shoulders. "No one is as familiar with our cavalry as I am."
The king didn't even hesitate. "No one on this earth would I trust more with the task. If it can be done, you shall be the one to accomplish it." He offered his arm. The lady clasped it firmly. With a sharp nod, she turned and strode out of the command pavilion. Our leader swallowed hard and turned to me, voice heavy with forced calm, "Lilly, instruct Katana to prepare for battle. You may make yourself available to our remaining medics. If they accept your help, then I shall leave them in your care. If not, report back to me at once."
"Sir." I gave a half-bow and sprinted off to my destination.
-:- -:- -:-
The new medical area was a field off to the side of camp. Part of it was concealed under a hastily thrown-up tarp, but much of was just blankets and bed rolls laid out in the grass. The handful of mages we could spare worked tirelessly, all of them led by a very familiar face.
Sandy was a woman transformed once seen in action. Back home, she had a shrewish and self-conscious aura, as if she toiled under some impossible expectations. Out here, she gave orders with calm authority. I trotted up to her and cast an informal salute, "Where too first?"
She breathed deeply and sized me up. "Tie up your hair; something that will keep it out of your way, then cleanse your hands. Use lye soap and make sure the water is as close to boiling as you can stand. Use the brushes to get under your nails. Then grab an apron, a kit, and a mask filled with sweet herbs. Report back to me when you're prepared."
Once I was ready to her satisfaction, she brought me to the edge of the clearing. "I don't know what kind of magic you've got exactly, but our two biggest problems are these: stopping infection once it's set in, and keeping the wounded from bleeding to death. During the battle, the latter is going to be the bigger problem but, for now, let's focus on the first." She talked me through the different kinds of infections; diseases that lived in the blood, ate the flesh, and poisoned the mind. "The hardest to predict is the fever. Sometimes they recover in a day or two; other times they're dead within the week."
"Where would you like me to start?"
"Let's see what you can do on a normal day, and then we can predict how you'll perform under pressure."
"Don't talk to me about pressure," Sandy ignored my jest and pointed at one of the nearest patients. I leveled my hand over the chest of a young man. He groaned, wheezed, and clutched his sheets. "What ails him?"
"You tell me."
I dipped into my body's store of strength to examine him. It didn't take me long to find the source of his distress. He had taken a wound in the previous battle and, clearly, it had been inflicted by a weapon coated in filth. The infection was deep; his whole abdomen was an angry red, oozed pale green fluids, and burned with frightening heat. I prepared a spell layered with everything needed to cleanse the area (luckily, Kialandi was an astute teacher) and began to sing to the man. He moaned, first in pain and then in relief as puss leaked freely from his reopened wound. After a few more recitations, most of the foulness was extruded completely. One of the non-mage medics cleaned the area and redressed it with fresh bandages. He was far from battle-ready, but he had a much better chance of survival.
I turned my head up for Sandy's assessment. She stood back from the bedside, hands on her hips and shaking her head. "That's something else entirely, Ms. Lilly. Can you keep up that level of work?"
I nodded. "Consider me your hands."
Sandy sized me up but relented with a humorless smile. Even as she spoke, we heard the bugle of the cavalry's charge; the battle had already begun. "Let's get to work."
-:- -:- -:-
Time lost all meaning. Every now and then someone would come and tap me on the back to make me rest. I'd rise up from the dreamy haze of prolonged magic use and, every time, the sun had moved farther through the sky. I walked away from the action, plopped on a stool, and snacked listlessly on dried biscuits made of honey, nuts, fruits, and dried meat. The battle itself took place mostly in the lowland between the two camps, giving us a pretty remarkable view of the field. Though the Empire's soldiers threw their full weight against our defenses, they could never quite muster the momentum to break through. I took the opportunity to pick Katana's brain about her birds-eye view, and she fed me scraps of strength when she thought I wouldn't notice.
As soon as I'd recovered enough strength to think clearly, it was right back to work. Now and again, we would reach a patient too late… and the only mourning we allowed ourselves was a muttered curse before shuffling to the next. Some of the men were in a panic, fighting the very people trying to save their lives. Some insisted we tend to their son, or their friend before themselves. Some were insensible, others were eerily calm. I recall one man who sat, stiff-backed and mild, with his own severed hand in his lap.
Occasionally, the mages in the field needed my help to handle one of the Empire's spellcasters. Invariably, they were ill-prepared for the type of mental combat I had been taught; Galbatorix's own special blend of extreme violence and razor-focus. I absorbed the offending spellcaster's strength like a monstrous parasite and channeled it directly into the healing. Death withholds death, a life provides life. I felt part of the cycle of life itself, just as real as the tides or the ever-cycling moon. I fell deeply into the rhythm of the work like it was one unending song.
Until my concentration was shattered.
"Come out and play, little Lilly!" A booming, snotty voice reverberated over even the disjointed clamor of battle. I cringed, dropping a fresh bandage into the filthy dirt at my feet. One of the assistant medics snatched it and hurried back to the boiling pots. I rose from my seat and turned back toward the battle. I could see the two forces and, above them, a pale yellow dragon spraying fire in an impressive arc over his head. Ellessar's dragon was longer and thinner than many of the others; more serpent-like. His snout was narrow and speckled with white. Katana circled beneath him, ready to rush in if he angled toward the ground. A humanoid shape leaned forward in his saddle, scrutinizing my partner beneath him. The sight of Katana's empty saddle shook a theatrical laugh from Ellessar. "So you really are just a cowardly little bitch! Not so tough without Mommy and Daddy here, ey brat?! You won't even face me?"
I directed my thoughts only at Katana. Are you ready to humble this fool?
With pleasure. I was a little shocked to hear the genuine bloodlust coming from my partner. His voice makes my scales crawl.
Remember, the goal is to keep them busy.
Katana reluctantly acknowledged my reminder, I may not be able to defeat them, but I know that they can't catch me! With a sharp screech, Katana vaulted up, clawing out at the pair's right side. Ellessar had to cling to a spike to keep his seat as his partner rolled away from the swipe, snarled, and shot after Katana. After just a moment more, both dragons vanished behind a low-hanging cloud.
It took all my training and trust to turn back to the task at hand. I felt a few sharp dips in my reserves of strength as Katana's wards absorbed attack after attack. The roars of the battling dragons mixed and distorted over the distance until they were indistinguishable from one another. I could feel my pounding heart in my throat.
Survive. You don't need to win, but please don't die…
My fixation broke off as Katana's panicked shout filled my head. Damn it, the sun! He angled our clash so I would be forced to face the sky-fire, and he just vanished! They escaped me! I can't catch them before they reach the troops! Damn, damn, damn!
I shot to my feet again and sprinted back to the vantage point. Ellessar and his partner punched through the cloud layer like a beam of sentient sunlight. The man raised his sword, a vicious grin taking over his childish features. Golden flames flickered in his dragon's snarling maw… until they suddenly winked out.
Everything happened so quickly that it was difficult to process. The dragon stayed frozen, face contorted in rage and wings angled to maximize the speed of his dive. His rider, just a fragile, doll-like shape from such a distance, went limp in the saddle. His arms were torn backward by the force of their fall; sword wrenched from his grip. I kept expecting them to pull out of their descent any moment, accompanied by a wall of fire. Instead, they stayed locked in their deadly dive… until they crashed into the earth.
Complete pandemonium erupted among the Empire's forces. Their fall had utterly crushed dozens of men, and completely broken the courage of the rest. Commanders struggled to organize the retreat, but in moments it had turned into a full-on route. In the center of the fleeing men, a tangle of blood and bone was all that remained of the rider and dragon.
What… Katana glided in circles over the carnage. Through her eyes, I saw lances of white amid strips of pale yellow scales and an oozing lake of red. Ellessar himself was lost completely in the mess. How did…
I have no fucking clue. My chest tightened painfully. Ellessar was a bastard, a smarmy little shit, the skirt-chasing butt of every joke… but I doubted anyone really deserved such a grisly end. We need to get to their bodies before someone else does. The eldunari.
I'll keep watch, you get a move on.
I turned, words of excuse already hanging on my lips… Only to see most of my fellow medics focused on a collapsed figure. Sandy lay lifeless in one of her assistant's arms. The earth around her was blighted; a circle of blackened grass. The only hint at her ultimate fate was the ghost of a smirk on her peaceful face. Gods… do you think..?
It must have been. But… how?
I shook my head and started towards the gruesome site. I think she took the answer to her grave.
I'm glad we were on her side. Katana added.
I had to agree.
Ellessar's death is a potent reminder to every mage: Don't. Get. Cocky. He had eldunari with him, had wards layered thick around every facet of himself and his partner, and was the veteran of many battles against far greater foes than one hapless little medic… and yet. Magic is an unpredictable beast at best, and should never be taken for granted. One little spell, the precise nature of which may never be known, birthed a country from the bonds of tyranny.
However, the real glory of the day went to Lady Marelda. Her maneuvering out in the field turned a hopeless cause into a battle for the ages. And, when Ellessar fell, she took full advantage of the opportunity to utterly devastated her opponents. She more than defeated Galbatorix's forces; she humiliated them! The king sang her praises loudest of all, even making an official marriage proposal before all of their commanding officers while they were still in full armor. I will grudgingly admit that it was one of the most romantic gestures I've ever seen. Lucky for him, she accepted.
I gained a whole new appreciation for Kialandi's hidden skill during my brief stint as a medic. She was one of the more humble and quiet forsworn…but the level of power she concealed behind that unassuming smile must have been staggering. She could perform complex healing spells without breaking a sweat, sometimes with intermittent breaks to lecture Morzan or Formora for their recklessness (invariably, deserved). She may not have a fearsome reputation like Galbatorix or Siyamak… but that was only because she never wanted one.
And speaking of the forsworn… even after a total and certain victory, all we could do was hold our breaths. The was still a slim chance that Galbatorix would fly out to slaughter us all, and I doubted luck would be with us a second time. (I later found out just how close we'd come to this fate… a belated thanks to Morzan is in order for convincing him otherwise.) What I least expected though was… well, everything that happened next.
"Let me see that." the discussion in the room silenced as quickly as it had started. A travel-weary messenger crossed the no man's land in the center of the meeting room and pressed a pristine roll of parchment into my hand. Dignitaries and notable military officials lined the walls, awaiting the results of my inspection. This letter could not possibly be taken at face value… a man like that could not possibly pen a letter like thi- …. But there it was. Every word was present, exactly as it had been read, in an elegant swirling hand: an acceptance of our peace terms… a full surrender. And there, at the very bottom of the writing and a list of titles, a familiar signature. "This is his writing. These are his words." I can barely hear my own voice over the rush of disbelief and relief. "It's over."
The company had manners enough not to whoop or shout, but just barely. There were many hearty and heartfelt congratulations all around, almost all of them paid copiously to the man who had just become a true king. He graciously accepted them and mirrored back their joy in kind, but there was the faintest tightness around his eyes. Finally, he broke the train of flattery and celebration with a perfect smile and a resounding shout, "We should not wait a moment longer! All of you shall spread the news to everyone from here to Reavstone; the war is over, the usurper has been pushed back, and we are finally free!" One last cheer sent them all hurrying from the room, self-included before he added in a warm tone, "Lilly, please stay a moment. I wish to speak with you alone."
"Of course, si- … Your Majesty" I barely resisted the smile threatening to overtake me. This loping lion, really truly a king?
"This day will change everything." He began to pace in front of the large northern windows like a boasting wild cat. "Surda has been herself for years. But today, she is a country come into her own with a people that will no longer bear the cruelty of a tyrant. This victory could not have been won without you, Shur'tugal ." He smiled good-naturedly and tipped a bow of his head.
Or Sandy. Without her, we would all be dead right now. I thought better of giving voice to such morbid thoughts. I returned his nod with an appropriate bow, which brought a touch of humor to his tone.
"It seems almost fitting that you behave so oddly… like a living reminder of how separate the riders always should have been… before Galbatorix." He spoke the name like a curse and I felt the familiar discomfort run down my spine. Years from home had barely dulled the distinct recoil at the sound of even the name. "But, lo, you barely seem to be celebrating! This is a momentous occasion… certainly, you of all people are overjoyed?"
"Of course, Your Majesty. It isn't a deficit in joy... Only an excess of remaining dread." The subtle cock of his head deterred me from pursuing the depth of my concerns. Roughly switching tactics I continued, "I'm not sure I know how one is supposed to behave in a time of peace." Not a lie… just not the truth.
He laughed again. "You'll get the hang of it soon enough. But before we get into all of that, there is something critical we must accomplish first." I could only blink at him, lost completely. What could he possibly need to tell me but be unable to tell his comrades? "You have served our infant nation well these past years. We owe you a debt that can never be repaid." I almost bowed again, but he carried on too quickly. "Now that we have entered a time of peace, security matters must be addressed."
Ah, perhaps he needed me to work alongside the circle until they chose a new leader. Perhaps he wanted a spy network to focus entirely on the court, on guard against anyone looking to cause trouble. Whatever it was, I would do my level best to protect this new home I so desperately needed; had worked tirelessly and at great personal cost to create. "Anything, my king." The words felt alien, but they carried a feverish hope.
"Excellent." He had an almost brotherly charm to him, someone you could trust and find likable almost instantly. I hadn't known him as long as the rest of his lackeys, but I gave to him the same admiration and esteem; I believed in this man. Until those fatal words came leaking from that perfect smile. "I want you to swear me an oath of service in the ancient language."
My heart nearly stopped. I was aware, dimly, that he was waiting for an enthusiastic assent… was expecting it without delay. The encouraging lift of his brow was the final straw. I shot back a cautious, "Why?"
He tilted his head in confusion, "Isn't it obvious?"
"Afraid not, Sire."
"Then allow me to enlighten you." He adjusted his sleeves conspicuously. "Your assistance has proven vital, of that there is no doubt. But your presence here leaves me in a precarious position. Ellessar's proclamation outed your blood ties to our previous sovereign to the entire force, and the information has spread to every corner of Surda. That combined with your history of treason makes you a less-than-trustworthy subject." My eyes widened to the point of discomfort but, still, he carried on. "These facts together make the rest of my vassal's a tad… skittish, you understand. While your loyalties remain in question there will be no end to people seeking to turn you against us. You will be viewed as a weakness or a weapon, and none of us will have a moment's peace." His extended hand may as well have been a slap across the jaw for all the comfort it brought me."We can avoid all that if you will only give your oath to serve me as faithfully as you always have."
It took every ounce of self-control I possessed to keep my voice steady. "No."
"Excuse me?"
"No. I refuse your offer."
That perfect, political smile dropped in a moment, replaced with a disapproving scowl. "Offer? Lilleth, this is no joking matter and I trust you won't try my patience further. If we are ever to achieve true peace, then we must all be willing to make sacrifices."
Another voice chorused the words in my head, unbidden and yet a flawless mirror. I was very familiar with a monarch who encouraged their entourage to make sacrifices… and the nightmarish consequences they could bring. I soldiered on, keeping the disturbing parallels silent for the time being. "I am a rider. Riders were never meant to be sworn to any one ruler-"
"Yes, in the old days that was the way. But that was before Galbatorix set the old order ablaze. The world now is determined by the surviving riders and, if we are to survive, it must be with your help." He tried once more to soften his tone, to implore me kindly to see things his way. . . but it fell on deaf ears. I could see the gears spinning in his mind, could practically feel the intensity behind his 'kindness'. His words implied choice; his eyes stole it away. It all felt so familiar that I was dizzy with rage. "Swear yourself to peace."
"Peace?" I echoed the empty word. Galbatorix had destroyed a millennia-old order in pursuit of peace. I had fled halfway across Alagaesia in search of peace… Yet here I was, more confused and fractured than ever. "There is no peace, not for me… not this way." I felt more than offense simmering inside me. There was a sense of betrayal, of loss. "How dare you stand here, accusing me of crimes not yet committed, and insist that I put the chains on myself? How dare you offer me slavery when I gave you the crown you now hold above me? How-"
"Gave me?" The king had gone beet-red in the face, his blonde beard standing out in ridiculous contrast. "Last I checked, you sat idly by until conflict was unavoidable, and even then you dared not face the battlefield!"
I nearly choked on the indignity of it all. "I risked far worse than death every single time I left these walls! And then I endured the belittling of you and your lackeys when all of our lives were on the line! But did I complain? Did I demand acknowledgment or promises? No. I did it because I believed in you, in the world you wanted to build. But I was a fool. I see that clearly now."
"The foolish thing would be to abandon all for which we've fought!" He slammed his fist against the window pane, rattling it mightily. To any other person, it would've been a frightening loss of control. All I felt was bemused disgust at the petulant display.
"Should that be 'we', my lord? I fought for the good of the people you lead, to win freedom for those willing to fight for it. And yet… not once did I realize that it wasn't freedom you sought. Your people are still just as trapped as they were yesterday; it seems that I've delivered them from one tyrant to another."
He was sputtering in impotent rage now. "You dare-"
"I do. You demand slavery from a loyal ally and deteriorate into a shameful tantrum when refused. You're no king; you're just another up jumped nobody who thinks their way is right, who will hold power desperately and above all else-"
"I won't sit idly by and endure your-"
"Aye? Then neither shall I." I turned on my heel and made for the door. The portal was already thrown wide when his shout reached me.
"If you leave this room without giving your oath, I will consider it proof of your true allegiance! You will be banished permanently on pain of death!"
I stopped dead, midstep, and half turned to look at him. "Treason?" He nodded gravely. I laughed in his face. "How could I possibly commit treason against a country I made? What right do you have to accuse me of such? If this is how you treat all of your allies, then I shall consider myself fortunate not to be one." Before he could utter another word I was gone.
-:- -:- -:-
Katana was saddled and ready to leave when little stomping footsteps interrupted my maelstrom of raging thoughts. "What the hell are you doing?!" I glanced down at Verra, barely suppressing my annoyance with her shrill demand. "The king is furious! What the absolute fuck did you do?"
"I refused to be his captive. Apparently, he disapproved."
"Oh would you cut the crap and come apologize? I'm sure it isn't as serious as all that-"
"Sorry, I would, but if I go back in that building I'll be arrested for treason, so I guess we're done here-"
"Dammit, Lilly, is this a fucking joke to you? There's more than just your ego at stake you know-"
"Yes, I do know. Apparently you and he both need to learn that information-"
"You don't get it! You're leaving… just like that? Like you have somewhere to go?"
"Probably not," I chewed my lip. Time may have dulled the pain, but the memories of my other family were still sore and vivid.
"You have a destination, at least!" Verra paced back and forth next to Katana, worrying the end of her braid with nervous fingers. "If I lose everything we have here, I'll have nothing at all!"
"You could always come to Uru'baen."
"Very fucking funny. You said yourself that it's worse than death-"
"And somehow it's still better than spending another minute here."
"You are the most over dramatic-"
"Come with me."
"What?"
"I'll only ask one more time: come with me."
"I.. no, Lilly. I have a life. We have lives here… if we leave now, it'll all be gone."
"Then.. this is goodbye."
"That's it? You're just going to-"
"Absolutely. Goodbye Verra… and good luck." Katana pushed her wings down in a mighty gesture of finality, beating Verra back several paces with the sudden torrent of air. She drove us up with all her strength until the livid form disappeared in the vague lines of the distant ground.
-:- -:- -:-
The wind was absolutely brutal on the way back to the capital. It took us more than double the time it should have. But then, we weren't in a particular rush to complete the journey. Ellessar's dramatic little speech may have poisoned the well in Surda, but it also made Katana and me painfully aware that our homecoming would likely be a deadly ordeal. Seeing the wretched city again had seemed a distant nightmare, something to avoid at all costs… but when it finally broke the horizon on the seventh day, I felt an unwilling rush of relief. One way or another this would all end soon.
I expected it to end in blood.
-:- -:- -:-
Morzan was reclined like a lazy canine on the front steps (a right only he could exercise with impunity) almost as if he were waiting for us. I didn't want to say anything (I don't know what I would've said in any case) but he simplified the matter by issuing one grim statement: "He's waiting for you."
I swallowed and nodded.
The path was so familiar even after the years that I could walk it in my sleep. The double doors at the end of the long, imposing corridor were monolithic to me, the shrine of some sleeping god I meant to disturb. I lifted a hand to knock but it pulled inward before I even could.
He had changed much in the short months I'd been gone.
His hair was longer than he preferred, hanging in loose curtains around his face. His features seemed sharper and harsher; as if he hadn't been eating or sleeping properly for weeks. His dark eyes were fathomless as ever but they also seemed to reflect deep despair, ringed with dark circles. In all likelihood, I looked no better. Ellessar… it's probably weighing on everyone. He didn't speak, just stood aside and gestured for me to enter. I took a deep breath and all but forced myself to put one foot in front of the other, to enter the monster's den. He shut the door with an anticlimactic click. And then the sound of a sliding bolt echoed deep in my bones. I'm not leaving this room alive…
"I heard you left that place, but I didn't expect you to come here." That voice … As tragic and wrecked as he looked, he still had the most incredible voice. At once it made me sleepy, content, and deeply uncomfortable.
"Neither did I. But where else could I go?"
He acknowledged my words with a slow nod. Neither of us spoke for a long minute… I didn't know what to say. I expected rage and violence… but he seemed so exhausted... He finally broke the silence with a thin, forced smile, "I'm glad you did." The distance between us grew smaller, he raised a hand to my cheek…
I flinched.
He frowned again, brushing a stray hair from my face. "You hate me that much?"
"I… thought you'd hate me?" I couldn't keep eye contact anymore. The intensity of the hurt and confusion was too much. I could only mumble the rest of my thoughts, "For leaving… and for everything." I braced myself for the pain. Or the shouting… or anything but this closeness and staring and heavy silence…
"Hate you?" He sounded confused. He tossed his head, and the strangest exclamation of air rushed from him… laughter ? "How could I hate you, my only family left in the world, over something so trivial?" He was smiling again, but this time it reached his eyes. "I thought we'd lost you forever."
I.. couldn't believe it. I expected death or worse. I had seen myself what became of traitors in Uru'baen. "But.. but I-" I'd done so much to him in so little time I didn't know where to begin.
He shushed me with a pet and another grin. "I know. Believe me, I know, and it's over now. All that matters is that you're home."
I had no idea what to say. "You're not mad?" I could feel the tears coming and desperately tried to hold them back.
"Oh, I didn't say that," He gave a wry smile, "I'm absolutely furious." I winced, but he kept his jovial tone as he continued, "and a little proud."
I raised an eyebrow in blatant disbelief. "Proud? Of treason?"
"Absolutely," he spread his hands, gesturing to the room at large, "How else could we be where we are today without fighting for what we deem necessary? You would not have done it if you didn't think it had to be done." His voice stayed playful, but it took on a far sharper edge. "And you would not have returned unless you were proven incorrect." I felt the rush of blood to my cheeks, the hot press of shame. I had been wrong. I'd done so much and it was all for absolutely nothing. He only nodded. "I could have told you as much… but some things you must experience to know. I… regret that it went as far as it did..." again the sharp bite of his disapproval, again a rush of shame. Our third member the join and third to fall… and this one in a battle that never needed to occur. " But then, that was as much my own folly as it was yours. There is no sense raging for what is done and lost." He let the admonishment drain away to weariness once more. "I'm glad to have you home, Lilleth."
I never thought I would hear this man say those words. Not once in all our years did he express the vaguest fondness for me… let alone a desire for me to be around. He considered me a burden, a useless object, a faulty tool at best… but here he was offering advice, understanding, and affection. I couldn't speak past the lump in my throat, so I nodded and tried to smile.
"And, besides," Galbatorix continued mildly, "you would never have left in the first place if it weren't for that boy."
The warmth in my chest dimmed slightly. I had actively avoided putting thought into Anthony since joining the rebellion; the cyclic thoughts were too damn confusing. "...yes."
He sighed, tapping his long fingers in an imperfect rhythm. "I do not regret my actions, but I do regret the way it was handled. I should have respected your feelings. I learned long ago how to sever ties with those who have wronged me, but it is a skill I learned through painful experience, and certainly not one I mastered at once. I should have guided you then… and I am sorry that I failed you, finiaril. "
I was struck speechless again! Not only was I not going to die… but now he was... Apologizing? I was officially off-script for Galbatorix's usual behavior. All I could do was watch in fascination. I stuttered out, "It's fine. It shouldn't have affected me as much as it did-"
"Yes, it should. He may have lied to you, but you did not lie to yourself. You didn't know who he truly was but you loved who he appeared to be… and you must allow yourself to mourn that loss. Your love was real, even though he was not." He stepped close again, a hand on my shoulder. I could feel hot tears threatening to spill over and tried to hide my face, to excuse the weak display… But he pressed me into a tight hold before I could. "The pain will ease once you let those memories go and get back to more productive things." I nodded, choking on gratitude, emotion, and relief. Then, just as I went to pull away, his hold tightened. His voice dropped to a grave whisper, "This will never happen again. Am I understood?"
I could only nod.
When he released me he was perfectly calm and pleasant again. "Good. Now," he brushed away one of my tears, "rest up! I have a meeting in the morning and I need you present. There is much to be done." He retreated to his desk as a form of dismissal.
I took it gladly.
I spent many days weighing everything that I thought I knew, everything I had recently learned. I had lost so much but received so much more in return. The only question left…
Was it worth it?
AN: Hopefully, I will have my lovely and wonderful editor out from beneath her onslaught of work someday, but until then the posting schedule is all up to me! I accept the challenges ahead~ 5ever in our thoughts, Ms. Aquata.
new book hype! new book hype! new book hype!
Full transparency, chapters might get progressively longer as I try to rush and get up to Murtagh's entrance in this story before his book drops . Wish me luck ^^;; There's still at least two arcs to get through before then _-_
