There's something exhilarating about traveling beyond the edges of the known world. It feels as though your feet are the first to touch a place in thousands of years. However, it is also extremely dangerous. First of all, the climate is brutal; unforgiving frozen expanses. And, more critically, Alagaesia is an ancient land. Her distant corners are still haunted by the denizens that have come before us, literally and figuratively. Such vast wilderness is the perfect place for mysteries untold to lay undisturbed for centuries uncounted. One needn't venture far from their map before they must accept one brutal truth: no one can hope to tame such a beast. Intruders may be ignored, perhaps even tolerated, but any who overstay their welcome will meet a gruesome end.
Our particular quest took us northward, past the edges of the Spine, through the straight between Vroenguard and the mainland. Formora spared us no detail in her travel plans; we had only a narrow window to make the journey, investigate the site, and return. Even a day's delay would put us at the mercy of the violent storms known to brew in that area. If our luck ran especially foul, we could be stuck there for months as the winter snows rolled in. Thus, we proceeded with the perfect efficiency Torix expected of his followers.
Roughing it on the road all those years ago had nothing on this sort of travel in terms of raw discomfort. The dragons had the worst of it since they had to fly through dreadful conditions. A biting wind jerked irregularly at their wings, freezing mists coated their scales in ice, and the thin air stung all our lungs like needles. The sky was a featureless grey slab and the ocean mirrored its gloom. All I could do was pull my cloak tight against the chill and keep Katana entertained by using our mentors as inspiration for puzzles. Ok, ok, I think I've got one. Short of fuse, long of tooth—
Siyamak. She answered my riddle before I'd even compiled a second line.
How could you possibly get it that fast?
Because of all the cranky old people around us, he's the oldest and crankiest. I felt her laughter through my gloved hands as I stroked her neck. Ok, try this: daughter of the forest and mother of the vengeful; clipped wings, bound claws, and muzzled maw.
We should visit Eltereth on the way home, I mused in reply. I miss her. Once she'd broken off her "friendship" with Torix and the others, she hadn't even shown her face in the capital. I knew the rough area where she'd made her home, and with two dragons she couldn't be that difficult to find.
I do as well. She may even be able to advise me about… Katana shuttered her thoughts behind a flimsy barrier.
Before I could peek behind it, another mind brushed both of ours. Land sighted. Prepare to circle down, but remain in the air until I give the signal. Shruikan banked into a wide spiral, scoping out as much of the frozted coastline as he could. Morzan's dragon followed Shruikan, and Katana followed her. We all alighted on a ridge between the shoreline and a bowl-like valley. The dale was lined on either side by mountains and all the land was layered in a plush coating of snow.
Torix had to yell to be heard above the wind and across the yards between us. "Stay close; there are signs of civilized activity. Though I can't say for certain what kind, there's a good chance that its—"
"Urgals!" Morzan sat up straighter and pointed to the north. I strained to see anything against the blinding vista of endless white, but my eyes watered from the strain. By the time I blinked away the tears, the shapes approaching were much easier to recognize (and so very memorable).
"They're mine." Torix stood on Shruikan's back, walking just next to the line of spikes on his spine until he was closer to the dragon's flank. The Urgals were now close enough to make out their number; at least a dozen, and all of them much too large to be anything but Kull. I looked to Morzan for some explanation, but Mommy just gave an exaggerated shrug.
"Vaetha!" Torix growled. The hate that he managed to pour into one word sent chills down my spine. For a tense moment, nothing happened. Then a roar like a thousand starved bears shook the air. I stared all around; the noise seemed to echo from every direction at once. Sharp, whip-like cracks cut through the grumbling followed by a low, ominous groan. The urgals heard the clamor too and froze. Even through the differences in our facial structure, I knew the looks they wore: sheer terror. They slowed their advance and turned to scurry back the way they'd come; like so many ticks fleeing a roving possum.
But they never had a prayer of escape.
A sheet of solid snow nearly a mile long cracked away from the mountainside. It barreled down into the valley with all the wrath of a spiteful god. The noise was all-consuming; a roaring torrent that washed away everything in its path. Even the frightened shrieks of its intended victims were devoured by the avalanche. I'd read about such things, but I'd never actually seen it in person. The earth herself can erase us at will.
With just a rustle of her wings. Katana added, awestruck.
You think the planet is one massive dragon?
What else could she be? She is powerful, wise, and her fires burn hotter than even mine!
I pulled myself from Katana's musings to find a curious sight. Galbatorix leaned heavily against one of Shruikan's spikes, struggling for breath. One of my hands jolted down to tear at my leg straps, but Morzan was faster. He bounded through the snow and scaled the black dragon's side like he'd done it a thousand times, with me quick on his heels. "Torix, what the fuck were you thinking?"
He gritted his teeth and hissed, "Farther…away…than I realized." He rubbed one of his rings with a shaky hand. The gem had cracked straight through, like a tiny bolt of lightning. He sighed heavily and looked up at Moraan. "Worth it though."
"Was it?" Morzan smacked his shoulder. "You could have fucking died!"
"I didn't," Torix spat back.
"You think we can't handle a couple Kull?"
"It doesn't matter now—"
"Like hell, it doesn't!"
"Leave it alone!" Torix righted himself to his full height and glowered at his friend. He was at least a hand shorter than Morzan, but something in his stare was wild; unstable.
Morzan met the glare coolly. "Fine. Have it your way. But the next time you do some crazy shit like that, don't expect me to worry about you." He turned and jumped back to the ground, a considerable drop that barely even broke his stride.
I turned to face Katana. This is going to be a long day.
-:- -:- -:-
My prediction proved completely incorrect. Between the slog of work required to establish our camp (a wide cave set deep in the newly-exposed cliff face) for camping and the frigid silence between my two masters, time practically melted away. Summer days were longer here; so long in fact that near the solstice they bled together without a night at all. It was odd to prepare for bed so soon after sunset, but we were all tired to our very bones… Torix especially. He may have been able to restore energy from the eldunari and his personal collection of precious stones, but that didn't fully erase the grim set of his jaw or the naked pain in his eyes.
I brushed my fingers along Katana's side. I'll be back in a little while. You try to get some rest, alright?
Don't need to tell me twice. She turned, slinking into the cave and under one of Shruikan's wings.
I gathered what courage I could and approached the entrance to the cave, where Torix stood on watch.
"Torix… we need to talk."
He cricked his neck to the side and looked away from me. "I don't want to."
"I know. That's why it's necessary." I crept as close to him as I felt was safe. He stood, shoulders hunched against the wind, stiff as a statue. Flakes of fresh snow dotted his shoulders and his hair. He stared into the darkness without really seeing. My hand trembled as I gently brushed his back. His eyes snapped down to mine. A wolf runs off to lick its wounds… and men put up shields to hide their scars. It was clear that, without the pressures of the court to confine him, he was unsure which "role" to play for me: king, mentor, scholar, or fiend. "What happened back there?"
He growled, very much like an injured pup indeed, and turned farther away. "Nothing that concerns you."
I laughed. "Afraid that excuse doesn't work anymore; your business is my business. We're too connected now. So, if something in that big ass brain is going to get us killed, I need to know about it."
"It won't. Now—"
"Not your call to make." I stepped into his field of view again, backing him up into the cliffside. "I know what I saw out there; you lost your cool. I expect that kind of shit from the others, but not from you." I cupped his cheek, and I swear I saw him flinch. "What is there that you cannot share with me?"
He forced his eyes closed… but not quite fast enough to conceal pinpricks of moisture that froze on his eyelashes. "Not… you. Not anyone. No one could ever understand."
And then I knew. Nothing else ever bothered him, not this deeply. In a way, his lack of response should have been all the answers I needed. "... Jarnunvösk ."
His hands twitched. "So long ago… and yet…." He choked the words down to conceal the unsteadiness in his voice.
I approached dangerous territory here. On one hand, I could leave him to his ruminations and retreat into the warmth of our camp. And yet, something about this place urged me on; the blistering wind, the brutal chill… this was a place for metamorphosis. "Galbatorix… please. I… want you to tell me about that night."
Slowly, so painfully slowly, he lifted his haunted stare to me. "No, you don't."
"You're right. I need you to tell me. Wiol nosu." I couldn't find better words to summarize my tangled emotions.
He inhaled, straightened to his full height and exhaled until his tensed muscle unwound themselves. He lowered himself gingerly onto an icy boulder that stood braced against the cliff face. "To tell the tale of Jarnunvösk… I must first explain the events that led to his fall."
I knelt in the snow at his feet, captivated by the sorrow in his voice.
"When I was five and twenty, I gained access to information that would normally be much more difficult to locate. I learned secrets that would have sent the masses into a rage: the Order was rotten to its very core. I found evidence of cover-ups, innocents slaughtered, innovations burned, political double-dealing, and elders of the organization who were able to (quite literally) get away with murder. Though I sought help, I was refused. There was nothing a single rider could do on their own against such filth as I faced. That day cemented for me that, if I wanted freedom, I needed to take it on my own."
"So we fled. We called it a hunting trip but, in truth, we were the ones being hunted. Two other riders came with us. One of them was an elder who'd caught wind of my change of disposition. Jay and I murdered the pair of elders ourselves, but the fighting drew the attention of nearby Urgals."
"We were separated and they surrounded Jay; weighed him down with the mass of their bodies. On cold, quiet nights I can still hear his memories: his own bones cracking beneath blow after blow, waves of agony, the fire inside of him slowly burning out. He gave me the last dregs of his strength and retreated into his eldunari… but only for a moment. A massive creature, more demon than Urgal, caved in his chest."
I felt tears running down my face, but I didn't dare move to dry them. Galbatorix continued on, unseeing and yet staring off in forced calm.
"Do you know what happens when an eldunari is destroyed? It is very difficult to accomplish but, should one manage the feat, it creates an explosion like the sun has briefly touched the earth. I came to in a pile of corpses, exhausted to the very veil of death, and with the sight of my only friend —my poor, dear Jay— eviscerated on the ice." His voice choked off, in rage or pain I knew not. "And only one thought could permeate my numbness: how quiet the forest was, deprived of all life. For, surely, I was already dead."
A heavy silence followed; eerily echoic of his words. I couldn't stand the thought of being trapped out here, isolated, dying… tormented by my own empty mind. "No wonder you went mad."
"Went?" Galbatorix chuckled darkly. "My dear, madness never truly leaves us. You can repress it, or ignore it but, once it's there, it is a part of your head as surely as your own skull. We cannot become unbroken." Nothing could pry up the oppressive vulnerability of the moment, so we sat in heavy silence until Galbatorix spoke again. "Want to know something?" He leaned his head back against the cliffside, closing his eyes and letting a lazy, cat-like smile take over his face. "You remind me a lot of Jarnunvösk."
I stared up at him. "... How?"
"He was a truly wonderful soul; energetic, kind, fearless. He struggled with new people, but he fought to the bitter end to protect his chosen few. Even… even someone like me." He glanced down through half-lidded eyes. "Loyalty far beyond what its recipients deserved."
"Hush with that kind of talk. If he was so good and he loved you so much, then you can't be all bad." I barely believed my own words. Torix was, without question, one of the worst people I knew; he was sadistic, selfish, conniving, petty, messy, bitchy… and yet. He could also be poetic, refined, intellectual, and soothing. I was still so new to the strange contradictions of this man. Every time I thought I understood him, the image would shift like oil in sunlight.
"Good people love monsters every day. You should know better than anyone." I tilted my head in confusion but he just gave a nostalgic smile. "Your mother was a good person too."
My heart stopped. In nearly fifty years he had absolutely never spoken a word about my mother, even on the very few occasions when I'd asked him to do so. A million questions crowded my mind, but the one that made its way to the fore was simply, "Did you love her?"
He paused, ruminating far longer than I thought promising. "I tried to. I met Marie shortly after a very different kind of heartbreak… and I simply had no love in me to offer. I played at happiness for a time, but I knew I could never truly forget who I had been. When she told me she was pregnant, I left that very night."
"She… never told us that. She just said that you'd gone away for something very important."
"Not untrue. But I left when she needed me, with no more than a flimsy excuse." He rubbed a hand on his jaw. "She deserved better."
"Am I anything like her?"
"So much so that it makes my chest ache," He whispered. His fingers stroked my hair, so very much like his own that it was my defining trait at court. "Sometimes, when you're particularly angry, I swear that I can see her ghost in your eyes. She was fire and sweet wine and spring reeds; ever-changing and untamable."
"And you speak that way about a woman you didn't love?" I leaned my head on his knee. It was comical really, to be an old woman by the standards of my race and yet still be sitting in the snow, leaning on my father's lap like a babe. "What could be more intense than that?"
"It's easy to wax poetic about a beautiful memory. Love, or at least the kind that I have known, leaves bliss and anguish in equal measure."
I swallowed hard. "Yes, it does." My chest tightened as waves of bitter memories asserted themselves. Days spent in pure joy, and countless nights spent sleeplessly tallying my regrets. Streaks of moisture froze on my face almost as soon as I'd shed them. I sniffed and tried to hide the tears, but Galbatorix took notice.
"Lilly… dear heart, come." He tucked me into his arms, letting me sit on his lap as he hugged me to his chest. "I wish I could reach into your mind and pluck out the hurts within… but I cannot." He kissed my brow, as tenderly as if I really were a child. "We are, all of us, tapestries of our worst and best memories; to remove the weft is to spoil the weave."
My throat burned. "How do you carry it all?"
He lifted my chin— oh how many times had he done that very thing— putting us almost nose to nose. My breath caught, a sudden unease striking through me like lightning. His breath was warm against my cheek, his eyes bright and alert with… something intangible. Every time I approached clarity it slipped away like smoke on the wind. We remained frozen there; for how long I may never be totally sure. All I know for certain is that he never looked at me quite the way he did that night. His words washed over me, though I had to strain to catch them beneath his pounding heartbeat. "I don't. These things cannot live at the fore of your mind, not for any extended period of time. Eventually, you must lay them to rest."
"As you have?" surprise replaced his mask. "That is the very point of tonight's talk: share the burden with me."
His self-deprecating grin did nothing to ease the tension between us. "Lectured by my own student. Have I really grown so lax as to allow it?"
"Yes."
"Well then…" He leaned a little closer, and I could feel the heat from his skin against my face without really touching him. "... I suppose I should thank you." His lips brushed my cheek, gentle as spring rain. He flicked his eyes upward, leaning back from me to see better. Uninhibited wonder took over his features.
I followed his gaze.
The sky was no longer dark. It was alive with lines of dancing light; streams of wildfire in every color imaginable. They wove intricate loops and waves through the emptiness, like the tails of playful spirits. Some of them bounced behind the peaks of distant mountains, others meandered lazily across the starscape. I reached a hand up, as if I could graze their surface. "What are they?"
"I don't know," Torix whispered.
We spent the rest of our watch shifts curled together, absorbing the sheer majesty of our view.
It's still incredible to me that such a barren place could hold beauty and savagery in equal measure. Or that a man who could still frighten me with a single look also made me feel so safe. Understanding the hurt he buried deep beneath the layers of iron control helped me see him as a more complete person. He demanded perfection from his servants for their sake as much as his own; it was a deadly path we walked after all, and he'd already suffered more loss than most of us ever will. He was ruthless because he couldn't risk leaving a single enemy alive, he was cold because, if he opened himself up to joy, then he had to acknowledge the pain.
Again, let me say this for the thousandth time (and expect another thousand after this!): I will never defend this man; not for his actions, not his personality, not a single word he's ever spoken is free from judgment. He used his suffering as an excuse to inflict much worse on thousands, millions even, of people…. But I'm getting ahead of myself again. At this moment, in this place, I had not the clarity to acknowledge these things. I only saw my companion in desperate need of a friend.
The next two days were a tedium of repetition. We used magic to examine the earth around us in sweeping paths. We knew that the vault had to have surface access, which eased the process considerably… but that didn't change the unreasonably large area we had to cover. Thanks to Galbatorix's… let's say "excess of caution" we remained together at all times. However, the third morning finally broke the tedium.
"OOOh Daddy!" Morzan had quite shaken off his foul temper and was now back to his normal cheer. "I think I've got something!"
Torix examined the area as well. When he looked up from his work, his eyes glittered with that unstoppable mischief, and his grin was almost childish. "This must be it. Over this ridge."
"That doesn't make sense," I said. Immediately, three dark eyes and one icy blue one bit into me. "It's far from the shore. The journal didn't say anything about scaling a cliff. And why would they?"
"We don't have the complete journal. Perhaps they were looking for food. Or—"
"Or maybe this isn't what we're looking for."
Torix frowned. "Only one way to be sure."
I rolled my eyes. "Anything that lets me say, 'I told you so,' when it's all over."
We made our way to Morzan's discovery slowly. Even with magic, it was a dangerous ascent. We reached an opening that was iced over until it was nearly impassable save for a narrow crack. Torix looked at me. "Ladies first."
I grimaced. "Such a gentleman." I shucked off my pack and cloak, took a deep breath, and wiggled into the edifice. It was warmer in here than outside in the wind. I conjured a small, green werelight above my head and peered around the space. Sure enough, the rough walls transitioned into a precisely carved tunnel. It only ran a few yards before halting in a solid square; a square covered in familiar runes. "You both need to see this."
It took my companions a few moments to melt the ice, taking special care to not disturb the integrity of the rest of the snow around it. By the time they did, I'd already set up in front of the wall, copying down the images and scribbling down notes. Torix chanted under his breath, examining the area for any harmful spells. Morzan sounded a low whistle. "So, guess I told you."
"Not quite," I said, standing. "This carving is different." I offered my notes to Torix.
He flicked his eyes over the page. " 'Stydja unin mor'rar' , that is the same, but then it goes on to say, 'konungr abr hjartan' and 'beloved leader'"
"So it's the same type of site— the burial of a significant person— but not the same site," I concluded.
Morzan huffed. "I think it still counts."
"You did an excellent job, Mommy. We're just in the wrong place. Still, it's worth investigating while we're here." Torix placed a hand on the center of the wall.
"How exactly can we do that? It isn't a door as far as I can tell." I tucked away my journal and charcoal stick.
"There you are incorrect," Torix said. "Observe. The runes here are not part of the memorial, so they must be part of the lock."
"And what happens if we use the wrong key?" Morzan said.
"Ono weohnata deyja unin zar'roc," Torix smiled, " I trust I don't need to translate that scrap for you, ey Mommy?"
"No sir." He put a hand on his precious sword. "Don't screw it up."
"Good plan." Torix leaned in and examined every facet of the stone. Morzan and I could only watch him; if any of us had a prayer of pulling it off it was our leader. After nearly an hour of silent concentration, he straightened and started speaking in slow, deliberate tones. [I will leave the exact words he used omitted, on the off chance that a like-minded person may stumble upon this journal. Trust that these places are better left as they are.] As he finished speaking, the wall simply… wasn't. It was there, and then it was gone.
I couldn't resist a whistle of my own. "Ladies first," I offered by way of congratulations.
Torix ignored me, stepping forward into the darkness.
The next space was a simple, rectangular room. The very center held an intricately shaped urn, painted with lines reminiscent of the sky-fire we'd seen a few nights hence. But all of our attention was paid to the walls of the chamber itself; they were inscribed entirely with runes from the ancient language. "This is the life story of the one entombed here."
"He was a king," Torix said, as close to humbled as I'd ever seen him. "The deeds listed here are almost beyond my understanding. 'And he did battle the… wicked ones'? What could that possibly mean?"
"I guess he must have done a decent job if we've never heard of them," Morzan laughed. "I haven't even seen some of these runes before!"
"Neither have I." Torix floated a fingertip over the lines in greedy fascination. "Gods, I could spend a year just studying this single room…"
"No, you couldn't," I said, "We've already been here too long. We need to leave tomorrow morning, and we all need our strength for that journey."
"Then we'd better get to work." Torix tugged a simple, clean journal from his bag and copied down every single carving one at a time. Morzan and I took the next two walls without complaint. We stayed there well past discomfort, long enough that every muscle began to cramp from our prolonged hunched poses. And still, we worked. With the three of us, it still took the rest of our allotted daylight to finish our task, and even then it was imperfectly done.
But it was still one step farther than anyone had taken before.
We were lucky enough to have an uneventful flight back to Uru'baen. We survived the trip and the exploration without major calamity. This journey could hardly be called a true "success" but it cemented the potential of our team. Once we were safely over the mainland once more, I broke off from our trio to make a quick detour; a visit to an old friend.
AN: This is the last chapter that will tip-toe around a pretty heavy subject that is absolutely central to this story. TWs will be present, tags will be altered, and I encourage anyone who is squeamish around taboos to take a break from this fic for a while (no hard feelings). That said, the rating will remain T ... if only just.
Updates and warnings will be added next week on posting day. Stay safe out there. 3
