Chapter 3

There was a long silence, Callie trying to be patient, Arizona hoping she'd move on,

"Arizona, baby, please talk to me" Callie begged, "please" she tried,

"Mark…." Arizona began, expected Callie to defend him, expecting Callie to tell her it was a mis understanding, that this was Mark, that he was probably joking, that she needed to lighten up. Instead, she risked a glance at Callie's face who appeared distressed.

"When?" Callie demanded, "Arizona when?" she pleaded, she had no idea about this and was desperately trying to work out a timeline, was it the plane crash or before? Why had neither of them told her about it?

"The crash" Arizona explained,

"Which one?" Callie asked surprised when Arizona burst into laughter,

"Our lives have been so messed up, when you have to ask which life-threatening crash" she giggled, soon Callie was joining in, Arizona had a point, a car crash and a plane crash, in less than 5 years, this wasn't normal, no wonder Arizona was having such a large trauma reaction now.

"You were lying in the ICU" Arizona began, the car crash Callie guessed, "We needed to choose you or Sofia, if we removed Sofia, she would die but you would do better, if we didn't it gave Sofia a better chance but we might lose you" Arizona recalled,

"You chose Sofia, you knew I'd pick Sofia every time, right?" Callie checked,

"I know" Arizona agreed,

"So, you both agreed to save Sofia, then what?" Callie asked, Arizona said nothing, "Arizona, what happened next?" she pressed needing to know, urgently, what had Arizona been hiding all this time? It had to be bad if Arizona was still holding on to it now.

"Mark didn't agree" Arizona said quietly, "He wanted to save you, said he could just screw you again to make a new baby."

"He said what?" Callie asked her blood turning cold. Surely Mark didn't disregard her daughter's life that much,

"I called him a sperm donor" Arizona revealed wanting Callie to know it wasn't all Mark, that she had done wrong too, "he said I was nothing, to you or to Sofia, and that I didn't get a say," Arizona revealed. Callie took her hands,

"He was wrong, you are everything to me, and you are Sofia's mom, just as much as I am" Callie promised, "Why did nobody tell me?"

"You were sick, and it was fine, Mark and I came to an agreement," Arizona said, "I apologised and so did he" She continued.

"What did you apologise for?" Callie asked confused, this sounded all Mark, Arizona sat quietly, "Arizona?"

"I don't know, but you were hurt, and Mark was angry and everyone was on his side, and I love you and I love Sofia and I didn't want you to choose" Arizona whimper, tears running down her face, her hands shaking.

"You know I would have chosen you, right?" Callie asked, Arizona stayed silent, "Arizona…. I would have chosen you, every time,"

Arizona said nothing, even years later she still wasn't sure that Callie would choose her over Mark, Mark was her best friend.

"Arizona?" Callie pressed, her heart breaking, surely Arizona knew who she would choose?

"I mean, Mark and you were close, before I came, and sometimes, you would pick Mark," Arizona explained, "you don't wish Mark had survived instead" Arizona asked quietly revealing her worst fear, Callie's mouth dropped open, did Arizona think so lowly of herself, was she that unconfident in her status in their relationship that she wondered that?

"No, I mean I wish neither of you had died, that Sofia had all 3 of her parents, and her Auntie Lexie, I wish we hadn't been through all this pain, I wish the plane had never crashed, but I never for a second wish you had died, never, if I had to pick between you and Mark, I'd pick you, every time, you are the second most important person in my life, I'd pick Sofia first, then you," Callie swore, Arizona stared at her convinced Callie was telling her the truth, suddenly she burst into tears, Callie holding her tightly rocking her, also crying.

"I love you Arizona and I promise I will spend every day making sure you know just how much" Callie promised, waiting for Arizona to stop crying, eventually she stopped crying, "I choose you, always, forever, I choose you" Callie promised, Arizona lent into her, feeling the silent support from her wife.

"Arizona, can I help you up, you are bleeding a lot now and I think we should go and get it checked out" Callie requested noticing the blood that was slowly seeping out of Arizona's leg. Arizona looked, her leg was painful but not as bad as it had been the phantom pains had eased, she remembered vaguely trying to kill the bugs, her house keys were on the floor next to her, covered in blood.

"I don't want Sofia to see" she begged, Callie nodded, that was a good call,

"Okay, let me call Meredith, see if she can keep Sofia for a bit?" Callie suggested, Arizona nodded her agreement, Callie pulled out her phone stepping out of the bathroom briefly, Meredith agreeing to take Sofia tonight. Callie then helped Arizona to stand as they hopped to the car both glad for handicapped parking and its proximity to the toilets.

Callie quickly wiped up as much of the blood as she could, amazed after months of trying to get Arizona to open up she had, on the filthy floor of a public toilet, at least she was talking now.

Arriving home Callie helped Arizona out the car and to the couch quickly placing towels to stop the blood getting on the fabric, Callie quickly cleaned the multiple cuts and started injecting the lidocaine,

"I don't think it will scar, even the original amputation has scared less than I thought" Callie muttered to herself going into doctor mode, Arizona tensed as Callie spoke about her amputation, she still struggled to believe that Callie had removed her leg, that Callie had taken a scalpel and cut off her leg. "Hey…. What's going on?" Callie questioned feeling Arizona's mood shift, and her whole-body tense, "Please, Arizona, you can tell me anything" Callie begged, needing to know, "We've made so much progress today, please don't shut me down now?"

"Sorry," Arizona apologised, "I just…I mean…. It's nothing" Arizona said clamming up, Callie sighed, there was no way she could let this go, something fundamental was broken in their relationship,

"Please talk to me, please" Callie begged, her brown eyes meeting Arizona's blue. Arizona closed her eyes, Callie was her weakness and her strength, she couldn't ever deny her, especially when she was begging,

"My leg, you amputated it" Arizona told her, Callie tensed it was their ongoing argument.

"I know, I had to, to save your life" Callie repeated, frustrated,

"I know," Arizona snapped, taking a deep breath, fed up of the same old argument, knowing she had to try and explain it in a different way, "I know, I get it, what I don't understand is in a hospital full of surgeons why did you amputate it, how could you amputate it? How could you take a scalpel and remove it? You said you love me but you cut me open, you cut my leg off" Arizona sobbed. Callie froze, the penny dropping, all this time, Arizona had blamed her for removing her leg, Callie had taken the blame, taken that pain,

"I didn't remove it, I didn't amputate it" Callie confessed, "I lied."

"What?" Arizona cried surprised, "why, who?"

"I just wanted you to have a friend, I wanted you to have people to lean on" Callie said feeling lost, "I thought as you'd be angry with me anyway so what was a little more, I could handle it".

There was a silence, Arizona struggling to believe what she was hearing, all this time she had wondered, how Callie who claimed to love her more than anything had taken a scalpel to her and removed her leg, now finding out that it hadn't been Callie was blowing her mind,

"I thought it was you, I thought if you could remove my leg then you couldn't love me," Arizona confessed, "And that you were only with me out of guilt and obligation,"

"No, baby, no," Callie cried ignoring the wounds on Arizona's legs to hug her and hold her tightly, "I love you so much, more than anyone" Callie promised holding her wife, feeling relieved they were finally having this discussion, wondering if she had been honest how much further they'd be along.

"Can I clean your leg now?" Callie asked Arizona nodded, tenderly, Callie began stitching it closed, before dressing it. "All good" Callie said putting the final tape on, "I think you need to use the chair for the next few days, I know you hate it…." Callie hesitated, "And I think you should stay off work,"

"I agree, I think I need therapy, and I need you to stay with me, and not leave" Arizona begged,

"I promised on our wedding day, and I promise today, I'm not going anywhere." Callie promised, "Never ever, until death do us part".

"I love you. I'm going to get better, I promise" Arizona swore, "for you and Sofia, I'm going to do better,"

"No babe, get better for yourself, Sofia and I will always be here." Callie promised.

The next day Callie helped Arizona into her chair after driving her to therapy, sitting outside waiting for her wife patiently.

Finally, Arizona wheeled herself out, Callie helping her into the car,

"What did she say?" Callie asked curiously, holding Arizona's hand in the car, as Arizona stared into space, gripping Callie's hand for dear life, as if Callie was the only thing in the world keeping her centred. Callie let her think, reminding herself that patience was the key.

"Complex PTSD, with dissociation episodes," Arizona recited, "she wants to see me again tomorrow".

"Whatever it takes, I'm here with you" Callie promised, "Forever,"

For the first time in a long time Arizona smiled, "I'm really broken Callie" she admitted,

"Good job I love you anyway" Callie replied stubbornly. "And I am not going anywhere" she promised again. "It's my turn to be the good man in a storm, and I promise, I'll steer us through" Callie said hugging her wife, holding her tightly. Never had she been more pleased her daughter had found a maggot.

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