Thank you for you kind comments and encouragement on my last chapter. This will be the second last chapter of this story and will wrap up in Chapter 17. I hope youve enjoyed reading so far. Once this fiction is done, I will be going back to writing New York Evening :) Have a good weekend everyone.
Its almost midnight and Im so tired, if you notice any mistakes, no you didnt. lol. Forgive them!
Chapter 16
"Oh my goodness," Olivia murmured, "she's so beautiful, I love her…"
"Thanks Liv," Jen replied- she was tired, spent and her face was swollen from the night of her fairly short labour, "she's so tiny, I can't believe it. She's my smallest one yet." She held out her infant, "would you like to hold her?"
"Of course I would…" Olivia felt her eyes fill with tears as she held the baby in her arms. "Oh, you're so lovely," she whispered. "Little Lily." She glanced at her sister-in-law and smiled.
"Aww, Liv, why are you so emotional?"
"Because— it just hit me that so soon I'm going to have a baby too, our children are going to be cousins and I'm gonna be a Mom with you— there is absolutely no one else I want to be a Mom alongside."
Jenna reached out and touched Liv's arm. "You're my best friend, Olivia Benson and you and Angela are absolutely the sisters that I always needed… I love you and we are going to have great adventures with our kids."
"I know, that's why I'm crying, I'm so happy and I am so happy for you and Joe… what a gift she is."
Jen gave Liv a squeeze. "I can't wait to come and visit you in the hospital when you have your little girl…"
Olivia caressed the wisps of very light blond hair upon the infant's head. "I'm really scared," she murmured, glancing at Jen. "I'm not strong like you are when it comes to this type of stuff."
"Don't say that, Liv," Jen replied, easing herself up to a sitting position with a little wince. "Its not true at all."
"It is," she nodded, "but it's okay. I've already learned a lot from you."
Jen was exhausted from her long labour but she was happy and felt glad to have some time alone with Olivia and her new baby while Trevor, Joe and Ange took the kids for dinner.
"I think you're going to be the best girl Mom, Liv. You never need to worry and I'm going to be here for you the whole time. All of us will."
"I know… thanks, Jenna." Olivia didn't want to go through her fears right after her sister-in-law had just given birth. She glanced back down at the baby and caressed her soft skin. "She really is so beautiful."
"Maybe I'm biased, but I agree." Jen replied with a grin. "Now, now that I've named her — tell me what you and Trevor are naming my niece."
They had both agreed not to tell each other what they'd plan to name their babies on the off chance they influenced each other's decision."
"Hmmm," Olivia smiled, "well… I don't think I'm allowed to tell you, am I?"
Jenna laughed, "you are very good at holding cards close to your chest, aren't you?"
Liv chuckled and nodded, "I am… a lifetime of trauma will make you start keeping shit to yourself," she joked.
Jen knew Olivia well enough to not take her self-deprecating comments too seriously. She smiled at her and shook her head. "Okay okay, it'll be a surprise when I visit you after you have your baby girl."
"I hope she's as sweet and as peaceful as this angel," Olivia murmured. She reluctantly passed her back to Jen when she began to squirm a little.
Trevor reappeared shortly after with Noah. He smiled at both women, picking Noah up. "I think it's time for bed for a little someone," he told Olivia, "we're having tantrums."
Jen hid a smile, she loved to see Trevor in father mode. She knew he was going to make a fantastic father to a girl as well. "Joe and Ange were just letting the kids play on the jungle gym, but they'll be back shortly."
"Okay," Olivia smiled. She leaned over and kissed Jen's forehead, caressing the baby again. She turned to take Noah from Trevor so that he could do the same. "We're gonna go home now, babe," she told her son. "Do you want to say goodbye to your cousin Lily?"
"No," Noah muttered, burying his face in to her neck.
"Okay that's unfortunate, but that's your choice."
She and Jenna exchanged smiles. "Maybe next time," Jen replied. "Thanks for coming in… Hopefully I'll be home tomorrow and I'll see you all then."
"Fingers crossed," Trevor replied, kissing her cheek and focusing on the baby. "Goodnight my beauty," he smiled, caressing the baby's head. He sighed happily and Jenna knew he was wistful about his own baby on the way.
"Only a few more weeks right…" Jen told him with a smile.
"Yep, a few more weeks," he nodded as he looked up and locked eyes with Olivia. "I can't wait."
/
"Are you alright?" Angela asked Olivia seriously, "you need to tell me if you're not."
"I'm fine," Olivia replied, holding her back and stretching out. "My back is just aching but I'm fine, I promise you."
"Here," May pulled up a chair for her, "sit down, you can't be standing all day in your condition," she said kindly.
"Are you light-headed or anything?" Angela asked her gently as Olivia sat down. She hadn't missed the way Olivia's eyes closed, her face pinched with pain and the way that her hands gripped the desktop like she might have been concerned that she would fall.
"A little light-headed, but I'm okay, I promise."
"Okay, May, do we have anything in the fridge? Orange juice? Some fruit?"
"I'll go check," she said quickly, sensing Angela's urgency.
"I am just going to get my bag from the consult room," she told Liv, "you look a little pale - any cramps or contractions or anything that feels abnormal?"
"No, Ange, it's not necessary, I promise. I'm just tired and I haven't eaten a lot."
"I don't believe you, we had breakfast together, I'm not an idiot. Be honest with me, what's going on?," she gently commanded. She knew she and Olivia were very much alike with their ability to play things down.
"Nothing's going on, I just got a bit light headed."
"Okay I'm going to check your blood pressure and spike you for blood sugar." Olivia didn't have gestational diabetes but she was high on the spectrum when she went for her glucose testing earlier in the pregnancy.
Angela didn't allow another word. She made her way to the consulting room while Olivia sighed and leaned back in to the chair, pressing her hands in to her aching hips. She was sure she would be okay, she was light-headed but she knew eating would probably help.
She looked around their new space with gratitude. It had given her purpose, something to do with her time when Trevor was commuting back and forth for a case that was going to trial. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts for too long and what they now referred to as the Women's Project was slowly widening its net. Olivia had done a lot of research and found that the incidences of rape and assault claims were not handled with the seriousness of which they deserved in all surrounding areas.
The Women's Project would have a few different approaches and would be servicing not just the immediate community, but around 50 miles, or any other areas where women decided to happen upon them depending on circumstances.
Legally, Trevor had helped them apply for a non-profit status and a registration as a charity so that they would be able to legally fund-raise for projects.
The space was a little dilapidated and run down, but it was donated for free for at least a year. They also drove for new volunteers but made it clear that they were looking for specific kinds of people. Not the Sophie Williams of the town.
Olivia was working with someone she knew, putting together a training program for first point of contact for rape, assault and domestic abuse crisis counselling.
Right now though, they were cleaning the space and trying to decide how to set things up.
May was far more receptive and friendly now that she realised Olivia's heart was one thousand percent committed to turning the project in to something formidable and that she and Angela were pulling out all the stops.
"Here, sweetheart, try this…" May came from the kitchen with a small plate of orange segments and some quartered apple pieces. She placed down a lemon soda can. "Hopefully this is what Angela had in mind." She patted Olivia's shoulder.
Olivia reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze, "thank you, that was really kind of you."
"Of course, we can't have you falling to pieces, Trevor would never forgive us — and we need you," she smiled.
At first May was prickly and a little abrasive but Olivia had made the decision to blanket her in warmth and compassion regardless of how blunt she could come across and somewhere along the way, her sterile behaviour seemed to dissolve and she seemed to fall in love with Olivia and by extension, Angela too.
Angela came back with her medic bag. "Oh great, thanks May," she smiled. "Okay, doctor hat is on," she told Liv, it always seemed to make her laugh and it really did afford her a little more respectability.
She picked up the soda can and pulled the tab and pushed it toward Olivia. "Big drink, please…"
With a sigh of reluctance, Olivia took a long chug of the cold soda. It tasted good and she was running hotter with pregnancy. She handed the can back to Angela. She got her stethoscope out while May watched on with concern. She took Olivia's wrist and checked her heart rate. "Its fine, Ange…" Olivia sighed, "that drink helped and I'll eat this fruit that May cut up for me."
"Olivia," Angela warned her, "I'm Doctor Langan now and if I send you home to Trevor with anything wrong after he already had reservations about you doing more than you should be, he would kill me, so just humour me."
Olivia sighed dramatically. "Fine, but it's not necessary."
"I think May and I will be the judge of that," she replied. She prepared the blood pressure kit and took her vitals, realising that it was a bit high. She undid the blood pressure cuff and pulled out her blood sugar reader and affixed a new needle in it and grabbed Olivia's finger. "Okay, small prick on your finger, ready?"
Olivia winced and and nodded. She felt the sharp prick and once her sister-in-law had swabbed her, she took the Kleenex and rested it against her pointer finger. "Okay, so your blood sugar is low. This is the second time it's been quite low, Liv, I think we should test it again after you eat… have the juice and the fruit, but maybe not all of it, just eat the fruit and have some sips of the soda."
"Okay," Olivia replied. "Is it bad for the baby if it's low?"
"Yes, we just need to keep it at a normal level, if you hadn't eaten already then I wouldn't be worried, but it should be higher so eat that… we might get out of here soon and I'll take you home to Trev."
"No, I'll be okay-"
"Stop telling us you're okay," May said, watching the back and forth between the two. "Angie and I can clean up, we already told you not to worry."
"I just want to get as much done as I can while I can," Olivia complained.
"Well you'll be getting nothing done if you're hypo," Angie replied bluntly, her patience wearing thin, "so I can drive you home now and come back and probably get more done without worrying about you or I can call Trevor to come and help us like he wanted and you can sit here like the queen giving your man some orders. Your choice."
Olivia sighed. "He has Noah, I don't want to bother him."
"Olivia you are so fucking insufferable," Angela snapped, shocking May.
"Angela!"
"Its okay," Liv chuckled, "I am insufferable, its fine." She chuckled; nervous that Angela genuinely was angry with her.
"I'm going to put my kit away and take you home," Angela announced, not bothering to reassure Olivia that she wasn't serious. "Eat that fruit," she was a little snappy and Olivia knew she was irritated with her, but not genuinely mad.
"Nothing's changed," May smiled at Liv, pulling a seat up beside her. "She was a hot head at 13 and she's still one now. Don't take notice,"
Liv chuckled, "its okay, I know she doesn't mean it, Angie and I are so much alike that she's just frustrated that I'm giving her her own attitude right back."
She took a piece of apple and began to eat.
/
Trevor picked up the phone, holding Noah close to him. He winced as the little boy cried in his ear. "Hey, what's up?," he answered his sister a little impatiently.
"Whoa, hello yourself."
"Ange…" he sighed, "Noah, it's okay bubba, come on… you're fine…" he soothed him. "Daddy's on the phone to Auntie Ange, cuddle in, its okay…"
"Are you all good?" Angela asked.
"Yeah," he replied, "Noah just tripped over on our way out of Maple's pen. He's fine, just gave his knee a little graze. What's up? Everything okay?"
"I think so, Liv just had a bit of a dizzy spell and her blood sugar was low. She's fine but May and I have sat her down and got her some food and soda, but she's being impossible and I told her I can either bring her home or have you come here and help out a little since she feels bad leaving everything as it is… so my question is, are you able to come down and help us out with a few things?"
"Yeah, absolutely, of course… I'll bring something to eat for lunch. Should I bring something for Liv?," he wondered.
"No, its okay, just… I dunno, surprise us with lunch. I need alcohol for how difficult your girlfriend is being today."
"Hey, leave her alone, she's about to pop a baby out."
"I know… but it's the 'I'm fine' bullshit when she's literally carrying your daughter and my niece, she needs to take this shit seriously. She'll only listen to you."
"That's because I'm the oldest and smartest," he joked but he understood his sister's frustration but still felt slightly defensive. "Go easy on Olivia," he finally said, "she's had world's of things go on in her past that she would never dare tell anyone else because of rejection and fear of making people run."
"I know, I know…" Angela replied quietly, "I'm just tired and I'm worried about her and I'm tired of her fighting me on everything."
"I'll be there very soon and I'll order something for lunch."
"Okay thanks, see you soon."
/
Olivia began to realise that Angela was genuinely upset with her as she re-emerged from her consult suite, completely ignoring her. She started to feel a sinking feeling in her stomach as she sipped the lemon soda. She rested her hand on her stomach where her baby had been kicking her ever since she began to snack on the fruit.
"Are you okay?" May asked, noticing Olivia's face reddening with her upset.
"Yeah, thanks May, I feel a bit better since I ate," she admitted. "I think I'll just call Trevor to come and pick me up. You guys are so busy and I'm kind of useless."
"Olivia," she spoke softly, "I don't know what that was before, but it was uncalled for and I know she's just worried about you."
"Its fine," Liv gave her a reassuring smile. "I know I can be frustrating. I just don't want anyone to worry about me."
"We're going to worry regardless of whether or not you want us to." She lowered her voice, "despite how harsh Angela was, it comes from a place of concern. My youngest sister can be a little like that with me."
"I can hear you," Angela called out, irritated. "I'm not being any kind of way. I'm a doctor and Olivia thinks she knows better than a doctor and if she doesn't want to respect me she should at least respect my profession and my education and knowledge, but she's too busy pretending everything is fine, so I give up."
Olivia eased herself up from the chair that she was in, moving slow and laboured. "I'm going to call Trevor to pick me up," she announced, ignoring Angela. She picked up her phone and slowly made her way to her bag.
"Trevor is already on his way," Angela replied, her tone was flat. "I called him before."
"K…" Liv's voice trailed off.
/
Trevor took Noah's hand and led him in to the space that his sister and partner had been working on - so much painting had been done since he'd last visited and a lot of the carpet had been pulled up ready for replacement.
He saw Olivia sitting at the space they were going to be using as a front desk. She was glancing at her phone looking a little uncomfortable while May was cleaning surfaces and Angela was sanding back a cupboard that she wanted to paint.
"Hey…" he greeted them. He let go of Noah who made a beeline for his Mom.
Angela looked up at him and he could tell she was in a horrible mood. He felt a little annoyed with her for being so harsh with Olivia.
"Hi baby," Liv greeted him softly. He smiled, watching her wince as she pulled Noah on to her lap.
"Hi," Trevor greeted May, lifting his hand to wave. He made his way to Liv and leaned over to kiss her lips. "Sweetie, hi, how are you feeling?"
"Okay," she replied, "a bit better than earlier."
He wrapped an arm around her, leaning right over, allowing her to hug him back for a second. "Good to hear, are you okay here for a second? I brought some lunch for everyone but Noah was excited to see you…"
"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied. "Thanks."
He let go of her and headed back out to the car to bring in the fast food he'd bought. Olivia had gone right off cheeseburgers and was happy with some loaded fries or Mac & cheese.
He back in with a tray of sodas and two bags of food.
"What would you guys like to eat?" Trevor asked everyone, "May? I have cheeseburgers, fries, a chopped salad, please take what you like…"
"Thank you Trevor, you're a sweetheart."
He could feel the tension so thick in the air. "Ange? Come get some food."
She dropped what she was doing and wiped her hands on her jeans and headed over to the rest of them.
"Auntie Angela do you like chicken nuggets like me?" Noah asked her innocently. She smiled at him and lifted him up, setting him on the counter.
"I do, honey, I love chicken nuggets! Your Dad knows me very well." She plucked a small box of nuggets from the food. "Would you like to share some nuggets and sauce with me?"
"Uh-huh!" Noah smiled, nodding happily. "And I can help you with your office too, Daddy said."
Angela felt herself slowly relaxing, starting to feel slightly remorseful as she glanced at Olivia who didn't say a word and picked at some fries. "Liv," Angela began, "you should try to eat a little bit of a burger, I know it's unhealthy but at this stage, food is food…"
"Okay," she replied. Angela grabbed a single cheese burger and handed it to her. "Sorry I was mean," she apologised.
"Its okay," Olivia said again.
"No, it's not really okay," Angela insisted. May and Trevor made themselves busy, getting some chairs to sit on. Angela glanced up at her brother and their business partner out of earshot. "I just need you to please take care of yourself and not play things down. I don't want anything bad to happen to my niece and I certainly don't want anything bad to happen to you and sometimes pregnancy can be touch and go."
"I didn't mean to disrespect you or your professional opinion — I just don't want to be a pain in the butt or a burden," she could see Olivia's eyes fill with tears and she felt so terrible for upsetting her.
Angela drew in a deep breath, "Olivia, we love you so much, all of us, right Noah?"
"Yeah," Noah agreed, focusing a little more directly upon his nuggets.
"Its really upsetting when someone you love won't just accept your love, comfort and practical gestures. It feels insulting. I want to be able to help you if you feel off, if you feel down, if you don't feel well enough — no one wants you to be a hero. Please just stop that."
"I'm trying," Liv replied, wiped her eyes. "I am trying really hard."
"I know that and I'm trying to be patient too, I think we both need to try a little harder. I don't want to upset you, it makes me feel so freaking guilty that I've made you upset. It's the last thing I want."
"I know…"
"Okay so please know that I love you and even though I've been an a-s-s-h-o-l-e to you, it comes from a place of love."
Olivia managed to laugh.
"Eat the burger okay? And let Trevor take you home to rest. He can come back and help, he's very happy to help when you can't."
"Okay, I will."
/
"I think you should have a nap, love, I'll take Noah back to town and we'll help May and Ange pop those shelves in and take the trash to the dump and then we'll come home and organise dinner. I just want you to focus on relaxing, watching TV, keeping your legs elevated."
"Thanks Trev."
"Of course," he smiled, rubbing her swollen belly. "I told you, I'd take care of you and I will. After Noah goes to bed we might be able to get in to the hot tub and I can give you a shoulder and neck massage."
Olivia smiled at him. Before she could control it, she felt tears filling her eyes and spilling over.
"Oh, honey, what's wrong? Tell me…"
Olivia sat on the bed, easing back against the bed head. "I don't know, I guess I'm just so sad that Angela lost her temper with me today and it just took me back to a shitty place in my head. The fear of … not being fine that drives people away but when I say that I'm fine, it makes people not want to be around me anyway, so what's actually wrong with me?"
"Oh, honey…" he murmured, sliding down beside her, wrapping his arms around her frame. "You didn't do anything wrong and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It's not that nobody wants to be around you and you're not driving anyone away. We're all just a little worried about you. You have such a big heart and you want to take care of everyone else's feelings besides your own and we all want you to worry about how you are feeling before anyone else."
He kissed her temple. "Angela isn't being driven away. Angela just adores you so much and she doesn't know how to show that she's upset, her way is anger and its misdirected, baby. She felt immediately awful when she realised you were upset."
"I just feel so sad," Olivia cried, "I hate that I feel like this."
"I think it's a big rush of hormones, love," he told her, "just a few more weeks now."
Olivia nodded, "I'll get back here with Noah as fast as I can and we'll have a quiet night of brain-rot TV and a nice, hearty meal— whatever you want, you just tell me and I'll make it happen."
"Thanks Trev, I'm sorry I'm being like this."
"Don't you apologise. You're carrying my daughter," he smiled. "I love you so much!"
"I love you too," she replied. "You better go help Ange and May or else she might get mad at me about that."
"Don't be silly. They're both just worried about you and it's nothing more than that, sweetheart, okay?"
She nodded.
Trevor got up off the bed and called out to Noah. He handed her the TV remote and the bottle of water from his side. "Have a good rest for a few hours and if you need anything Joe is home and I'm just down the road so just call."
"Okay, I love you."
/
Olivia woke up to her phone ringing a little later in the afternoon. She had a headache from crying after Trevor had left and felt like her face was a little swollen. She saw it was Jen. She picked it up and cleared her voice.
"Hey…"
"Hi honey, you sound miserable. Did I wake you?"
"Not really, it was time to get up…" Olivia replied, trying to laugh. "Are you okay?"
"I'm good, I have a weird spurt of energy. I wanted to come and hang out for a little while because I absolutely miss you and you've gone radio silent on me," she complained.
"I just wanted to give you space, I knew you'd have your hands full with Lily and trying to get enough sleep…"
"Olivia this is my forth time around the bend and nothing could have been more difficult than having twins, this feels like cheating. Lily is sleeping like clockwork and Joe has been a dream come true…"
"I'm glad its been nice…" her voice trailed off.
"Liv, I can come on my own or I can bring Lily for cuddles but I'm okay with whatever — I just wanna chill out with my best friend. What do you prefer?"
Olivia didn't want to say it out loud, she didn't want to appear needy. "I don't know…"
"Its okay if you don't feel like being around a baby right now, I'm not offended. I can hear in your voice that you're not dealing with things very well and I'm here for you, so I can just come, Joe can hold it down."
"Okay," she barely whispered.
"Okay honey, are you in bed? I'll let myself in…"
"Yeah, I'm in bed."
/
"We need to talk," Trevor told his sister, "can we go somewhere private?"
"Trev, I know what you're going to say and I resolved it. I apologised to Olivia and I was in the wrong."
"Angela, come on, I need to talk to you," he pressed, "and that's really not what I was going to say."
May tried to ignore the awkward family dynamic that had brought some tenseness feelings along to the The Project space. "Come on, sweetheart," she said to Noah, "why don't you come along over here and we can pop a painting smock on you and you can help me with some painting!"
"Ooooh, Daddy, can I?"
Trevor regarded May with a grateful smile. "Of course bubba, but you have to listen carefully and you do as you're told. Daddy will only be a minute and I'm listening out."
He agreed with an emphatic nod.
Angela led Trevor in to the consult room and closed the door behind him. Trevor looked around — it was legitimately looking like a doctor's surgery. "Wow, this looks pretty great Ange, you guys are doing such a good job."
"Thanks," she replied. "What is it?"
"I know you were frustrated before but when I left Olivia back at the house she was a sobbing mess over what happened…"
Angela sighed, "Its hormones. As if Olivia cares what I've got to say."
"I know its hormones but she absolutely does care what you or anyone else has to say. She may appear like she is strong and brave but she is mush inside, Ange and pregnancy has made every insecurity that she has light up," he ranted, trying not to get too frustrated with his sister, "She's got a fear of abandonment and she sobbed over not wanting to be a burden to us, but in not wanting to trouble any of us, she's thinks she's managed to push you away anyway. She is trying so hard to navigate her issues and I know it can be hard and I know you have your own things too, but please, please try to be patient with her. It isn't personal. I know you know that."
"Trevor," Angela shook her head, "don't put that on me-"
"Don't put that on you?," he rose an eyebrow, surprised, "you are not a heartless person and if you knew even half of the shit Olivia has been through, you'd fucking recoil. Every single person in her life to date have abandoned her and she's scared and pregnancy has amplified that feeling tenfold."
Feeling admonished, Angela felt irate with her brother, not for his defence of Olivia, or for anything Olivia had been through, but she didn't want to be told off like a child. "Don't walk in here and talk to me like I'm a child-"
"Well don't fucking act like a child! Because why? Because she said she was fine and didn't want anyone to worry and your doctor ego got hurt? Don't be so immature."
She felt her eyes prickling with tears. She tried to push it away. "I really forgot how mean you can be… I didn't miss it."
"I'm going to put the shelves up," he told her, "and I'm not trying to be mean to you, I'm trying to help you realise that Liv wasn't trying to disrespect you or hurt your feelings but you still managed to go out of your way to hurt hers, speaking of being mean."
/
"What's going on honey?" Jenna asked Liv softly. "I'm worried about you."
Olivia shrugged, not bothering to wipe her falling tears away. "I'm just hormonal and tired I guess."
"No… it's more than that, something is off. Are you feeling depressed?"
"On and off, a little— Angela got mad at me today and she did apologise but—" Olivia shrugged, "it just really highlighted the fact that I'm too much for some people."
"Oh, Liv, I would never take anything Angela says or does to heart. Do you know the amount of times she has lost her temper with me over the silliest things?" Jen smiled at her and put her arms around her, giving Trevor's slightly younger girlfriend a hug. "She has a short fuse and a very big heart."
Olivia didn't say anything. When Jen let go, she wiped her tears. "I'm so miserable, I'm sorry, you need a break and I'm being a shitty, miserable friend, you have enough on your plate."
Jen shook her head, "I never have too much on my plate for you, Liv. You've got pregnancy blues. Have you felt like this all day?"
"No," she replied, "it just switches— I felt fine and I got a bit dizzy, Angela said my blood sugar was low and was really just making a scene in front of May and I don't want her to think I'm weak or a push-over I just… wanted Angela to slow down and she lost it with me and the switch flipped and I just feel so… sad and… I can't explain it."
"Olivia, I promise you, this is only hormonal. Your body is preparing itself to give birth and Angela knows that too. She just gets frustrated when people don't do what she wants them to do, its personal to her."
"She said I disrespected her profession."
Jenna laughed. "I've had that from her too, honey, we have to keep in mind that she's eleven years younger than me and maybe like 8 or 9 years younger than you and she's still growing up and she also has a lot of problems with feeling like nobody takes her seriously because she's the baby."
"I feel terrible."
"You have yourself to worry about right now, you only have to worry about Noah and Trevor and the rest of it is a side issue and let me tell you now, your baby boy and your man are one thousand percent invested in you and your bringing their sister and daughter in to this world."
"Angela did apologise but I feel like she only apologised cos I was upset or maybe Trevor put her up to it."
"It doesn't matter, she will get home and have a shower and scrub the day off her and realise she was being a little insensitive and she will come here and cry and beg you to forgive her — trust me on that."
Olivia nodded. "Thanks Jenna…"
"Of course. That's what friends are for, to be here for you no matter what."
Olivia wiped her eyes.
"Now… I think we should watch some mind-numbing TV to lighten things up and I'll hang out with you until Trevor gets home. He said he'd be home in the early afternoon."
"Did Trevor put you up to visiting me?" Olivia asked.
"He didn't. I just called him because I didn't know if you'd be home or not by now and if you were, I didn't want to disturb."
"Oh…" Jen picked up the TV remote and found something for them to both watch. Some shitty dating show.
"Can I tell you a secret?" Olivia asked her.
Jen smiled cheekily at her friend and nodded. "Yep."
"Don't tell anyone, not even Trevor or Joe…"
Jen let out a giggle, "excellent, I love secrets just for us. I'm really 15 inside."
Olivia finally smiled.
"We're going to name the baby Elena or we considered somehow trying to incorporate our Mom's names in to her name and neither of us really wanted to call her Annie or Serena so we thought of Anika, she could get called Nik or Annie for short and have Serena as a middle name…"
"That's really beautiful, Liv…" Jenna grinned at her. "I love both of those names! It's good to have a few ideas because sometimes when he baby arrives you know it's just not right."
"I'm so excited to hold her…" Olivia admitted. "I'm scared but I'm excited."
"I am excited to hold my first niece…"
"I wanted to ask you to come and be in the delivery room with Trevor and I, but I think you'll know why I can't ask that — I don't want to hurt Angela's feelings."
Jenna grinned at her, "that is such a beautiful thing to say, Liv, I understand completely, but the fact that it's what you'd want, I'm so touched by that."
"I just know that Trevor is going to be freaking out and I need someone calm with me who has done it all before, who will know what to do. Does that sound stupid?"
"No, honey, that's why people ask for their Moms… you and I didn't have that luxury… but listen, if you are in that birthing suite and you want me in there and you need that support, you just ask. You need who you need and you don't have to be apologetic about that."
"I think Angela will want to take over the delivery," Olivia managed a laugh, feeling a little better about it.
Jenna laughed, "I can imagine that's exactly what would happen — and you know she'd do a brilliant job because she is just as brilliant as her two brothers, but it might be too much for you to have your sister-in-law deep in your business."
"Yeah, don't know how I feel about that. I'm not even sure about how I feel about Trevor being at the business end."
She laughed, "I remember when Olly was born, the nurse encouraged Joe to receive him and the disgusted sounds, he was like 'Oh my goodness what a disgusting miracle!' And I was pushing so hard that I was scared my brains would come out of my ass and I still couldn't not laugh at his reaction."
Olivia was laughing for real. "Why does that seem so on-brand for Joe? Trevor will treat it like the most wonderful, ethereal, divine experience he's ever had, I just know it, but my insecurities are like, maybe deep down, he would be disgusted by my vagina and never ever want to go near it again."
"Trust me, I doubt that'll be a problem, he'll be all over you like a disease the second you're allowed to start having sex again."
Olivia smiled. "I hope that won't be too long and I hope giving birth won't change things…"
"You think you'll want to have sex again so soon but priorities will change a little. Nothing says cock-block more than an infant who wakes at the most inopportune times, Liv and sometimes when you have a toddler and an infant and a husband that misses affection, you become so touched out that you almost want to recoil when someone reaches for your hand or wants a hug."
"I hope that won't be me. I've been touch starved my whole life and hopefully it'll just be me catching up…" she laughed.
"Maybe, but its okay if it does happen because it passes… it's just a lot of things going on when the baby is new and if it's your first time having an infant."
"This is why I love you, the thoughts of all of this kind of stuff is so overwhelming and you're so calm about it and I really feel like it's rubbing off on me, you make it sound do-able."
"Because it is doable, honey, you are gonna have some shitty days, there will be days where you'll snap at Trevor or Noah and you'll feel like an ass, but once you have your routine worked out and everyone understands how they can best help and what you all need from one another, it'll be fine, everyone will be happy."
"Thanks. I love you, you're absolutely the best girlfriend I've ever had."
"And if Joey and Trevor dumped our asses tomorrow, we'd probably just easily shift things in to a domestic partnership," Jen joked.
Olivia felt a little brighter. She smiled. "Jenna, I feel like cake. Do you have any cake at your place?"
Jen started to laugh. "Yes of course I have cake. I'll text Trevor and tell him to stop past and get some before he dares set foot in this house. Tomorrow I'll bake you a cake."
"No you won't. You've got better things to do… but if you have any spare cake, I'd love that."
"I always have spare cake. You know me, I live to bake. I even baked some bread this morning while Lily slept in her sling."
"I can really understand why Joey fell in love with you," Olivia smiled, "when you talk about baking bread, I want to sleep with you."
They both shared some laughter.
/
"You seem a little happier," Trevor remarked, "did Jenna cheer you up?"
"Yeah…" Olivia nodded with a little smile. "It was nice to hang out, I missed her."
Trevor smiled. "Well, I got your shelves installed and I steamed off all that ugly wallpaper from your office walls and ripped up the carpet. Noah helped with the carpet and helped May paint the walls."
Olivia wrapped her arms around Trevor as he stood at the stove stirring a pot. "Thank you…"
"You're welcome," he replied, turning his head to kiss her. "Are you up to eating much?"
"Yeah, I'm hungry," she told him. "Hey… how was your sister? Was she mad after you got back?"
"Not mad, just … I think she was also upset with herself and she's not great at expressing herself when she upset. I think she was genuinely worried about you and was upset that you weren't taking her feelings seriously enough."
Olivia sighed heavily. "Maybe I should go talk to her… I don't want it to be weird with us…"
"If you think that might help, then go ahead baby, go have a chat to her. I think Ange is incredibly sensitive but it sometimes doesn't translate well," Trevor warned her.
"No… I know. I maybe wasn't in the right frame of mind earlier to understand that…"
"But baby, don't take her shit, okay? If she's out of line, you need to make her aware of that, do not let her walk all over you because then she and I are gonna have a problem."
Olivia nodded. Trevor kissed her again. "Dinner will probably be around 45 minutes…"
"Okay, thanks I won't be long."
/
Angela called out for Olivia to come in. She glanced up, at first unsure of who was at her door. She watched Trevor's partner slowly make her way through the entrance, holding her back.
She was sitting on the couch with some medical books open, making notes on her laptop.
"Hey kiddo…" Liv greeted her.
"Hey…" she gave Olivia a half-smile. "Big day, huh?"
"Yeah," Angela replied, feeling the tension. "Hold on, let me move some of my papers so you can sit," she got up, careful not to disrupt what she had carefully itemised. She cleared off an armchair. "There you go," she motioned for Liv to sit.
"Wait," as Angela went to sit back down, Olivia grabbed her arm. "Give me a hug, I'm really sorry about today."
She obliged Olivia, a little stiffly but when she felt the warmth emanating from her, she began to relax. "I'm sorry too."
Angela slowly withdrew and sat back down, watching Olivia sit too. "Can I just explain to you why I react the way I do sometimes?"
"I know, Liv, Trevor told me, he tore shreds off me when he got back and I know you've been through some stuff. I didn't mean to make that worse."
"I'm sorry Trevor did that, it was actually not his place to do that, and I certainly never would have wanted him to do that."
"Its okay," Angela took her black framed glasses off, "he might have had a point."
"Angie, you know that I respect what you do — I don't think that there is a profession that I respect more than medicine; not only that, but women's medicine, I just have a lot of … stuff that— I don't know, I try not to get in to it because it's a lot."
"I told you about my baby," Angela said carefully, "I'd never told anyone about that before, Liv, what do you think I'm going to do or say?" Olivia glanced at her hands and shrugged. "I bet you've told Jen some of it. I know I'm younger-"
"Actually I've not really told Jenna much of anything because while I love and trust her, I suspect that she's not used to seeing the kind of ugly on a daily basis that I am. I actually think you would be able to handle it better if I chose to go in to details," Olivia explained to her; and it was true. Jenna had a dreamy little life and even though her beginning had been easy, she knew there were certain things that would horrify her if Olivia shared.
"I don't want this to be a thing between us, I thought we were good when you left the space this morning, Trevor told me that you were really upset when you got home and I'm sorry."
"It's just…" she paused and thought about her next words, "I'm hyper sensitive about being too much for some people. I always feel like if I keep my problems close to me, if I don't share too much then I'll be easier to be around," she spoke slow, "I don't want anyone to see me cry or worse— or talk about the situations in my life that scarred me because it's made too many people leave in the past, so if I play nice, be without problems or fuss, people won't want to leave."
"Oh…" Angela murmured. She took it in and noticed how stoic Liv became when explaining herself. "You're family now, I couldn't get rid of you even if I wanted to," she managed a half-smile.
Olivia half-sobbed and half-laughed. "Sorry about that."
"You know, if my Mom were here with us still, she would beat that feeling right out of you and there would be no end to the time she would have to hear about anything and everything; the good, bad and ugly— and I'm loyal and strong and despite running from my own problems, I will never run from someone's that I love and I do love you very much."
Olivia smiled, brushing some fresh tears away. "I promise that whatever you say goes, if you tell me to stay off my feet, I'll stay off my feet— if you tell me to eat Brussel sprouts for the rest of my pregnancy, I will."
Angela laughed, "that is giving me way too much power, I will be drunk with power in no time. Or drunk and also empowered. Or drunk on power and alcohol," she chuckled.
Both women laughed.
"You're gonna be my big sister with Jen and I love that, even if I was being a bit of a sensitive dick today too." She laughed, "May was so horrified, she thought she had witnessed the biggest break up since Fleetwood Mac…" Ange added.
Olivia laughed again too, "Lucky Fleetwood Mac got back together again," she glanced down at the medical books that Trevor's little sister had been pouring over, "what are you studying?"
"Just brushing up on surgery. There's a job going at the hospital for a day surgeon and the money is … ridiculous. I have to re-licence for surgery in the state of New York because it expired last year."
"Wow… will you have time for the Women's Project?"
Angela nodded. "It's day surgery, pre-booked, nothing emergency, I am thinking ahead because I want to do as much as I can for this project and I suspect we'll be pouring in some of our own money so I am trying to capitalise on the skills that I have to help in situations where someone might not have the finances."
"That's … so selfless of you," Olivia smiled. "I am trying to figure out how, if I give SVU up, I will survive not earning an income, I don't think I could allow Trevor to entirely take care of things."
"As a feminist I say that you should always have your own source of finance. As your sister-in-law, I say that nothing would make my brother happier than to take care of his wife or girlfriend and kids and ensure that you want for nothing and that he wouldn't see it as his money, but both of yours…" she replied, "so I think what you choose is on you, Trevor won't care, in fact, he'd probably prefer you enjoy your life…"
Olivia knew just how right Angela was but she knew that she had more to give. "I think that I might just keep my ears out about jobs in this area— who knows? Maybe I can work as a victims advocate for the police. Sometimes if there's no space, you gotta make one."
"I love that about you, you are resourceful, Liv. We are going to really pull this project together and when it's going, we are going to make sure that everyone who needs resources is going to be able to get their hands on them. None of this bullshit going to the police and not being taken seriously… there are going to be ways to help victims and to even educate before anyone might become a victim."
Liv smiled fondly at Angela. "Thanks for this chat, I needed it. I needed to just… get things out in the open with you."
"I get it and I understand. I'm just frustrated with life in general and sometimes it gets taken out on the wrong people. I think you appear so strong and so together that I thought you'd just take it and tell me to piss off…"
"I'm a sensitive soul," Liv laughed. "If you were a criminal or someone that didn't matter to me, maybe I would have…"
Angela smiled. "So… anyway how are you feeling tonight? Do you want me to check your blood sugar before you go?"
"I feel better. Trevor picked me up some cake from Jen's and I've been having a little bit of soda, Trev's at home cooking some roast potatoes, steak and cheesy cauliflower — one of my favourites."
Ange smiled. "He's a good guy, my brother… that sounds healthy but I think we'll take your bloods every day, just in case— if you get light headed or feel faint or anything, I need to know, okay?"
Liv nodded. "Promise I'll tell you."
"Good, let me get my kit."
/
"It's actually freezing out, but maybe it'll be nice to get in to the hot tub…" Trevor suggested. "What do you think? Or do you just want to get to bed?"
"Hot tub," she smiled. It had been such a nice, relaxing night and she felt a lot better since talking to Angela. She paused, "wait, I don't think I'm supposed to get in a hot tub or a bath or whatever this far in to the pregnancy—"
"Really?" Trevor asked, surprised. He got up and picked up his phone and texted Angela. "I'm asking Ange… why?"
"I don't know the scientific reason— neural tube defects?" Olivia offered vaguely.
Trevor's phone rang. He picked it up and greeted his sister. Olivia could hear her giving him a long, detailed explanation. Trevor concentrated closely to what she was saying. Liv was only half interested; she didn't need the explanation, just a yes or no answer as to whether or not at 38 weeks it was safe to relax with Trevor in the hot tub.
She got up to get herself a drink and grabbed Trevor a fresh beer. She couldn't wait to have an alcoholic drink in what she hoped was only a week or so away. The heaviness of her stomach that had dropped lower only a few days earlier was enough to make her feel eager to meet her daughter.
"Okay, thanks— so we're nothing over 100 degrees for longer than 20 minute spurts…"
Olivia made a face.
He hung up with his sister and turned to Liv. "Did you hear that?"
"Yeah, 20 minutes at a time… that's no fun. It's too cold to have the temperature too low."
"I'm sorry…" he apologised. "We could go sit in the bath together and turn the heating on so that if its-"
Olivia shook her head, stopping him. She appreciated him trying to come up with solutions. "Its okay," she spoke, "I'm just at that uncomfortable shitty end of pregnancy where everything feels … big and swollen and uncomfortable— I should just maybe get as much sleep as I can."
Trevor stared at her longingly. "I'm sorry I can't help…"
She shrugged. "I guess I'll go to bed, are you gonna come and hang out with me?"
"Sure, go get ready for bed and I'll come and sit with you until you fall asleep," he offered. It was just the little things that helped with Trevor. She wasn't a child, she didn't need a bed time story, but sleeping and hormones made for nightmares and sometimes darker thoughts that she couldn't seem to shut out and as soon as he had been made aware, he did whatever he could to make it a little easier.
It did help to have him hold her in his arms stroking her hair as she fell asleep. She was getting used to a nice 8 hours every night, but most of the time Trevor wasn't ready to sleep yet, he, instead, would wait for her to fall asleep, kiss her forehead and cover her up and then go and check on Noah.
Afterward, he would do some work in the shed on the gift that he'd been making for a few short weeks, tasking Joe with some help where necessary.
"Are you getting in to bed with me?," she wondered, "to sleep?" She came out of the bathroom wearing a long, slouchy t-shirt, shivering a little from the cold. She hated how quickly winter seemed to be looming, but was happy to not be heavily pregnant and uncomfortable in the unrelenting heat.
"Not yet, not to sleep… I have some work to do, but I won't be late."
"I always pegged you for the early nights guy, not the night owl…" she smiled, "but here we are and now I'm the early bird."
Trevor chuckled and waited for her to get comfortable. "Come here… I'm sorry we didn't get to do the hot tub thing, I was really looking forward to it."
"Its okay, in a few weeks we'll be able to stay up late when the babies are asleep and we can sit in the hot tub with a glass of wine and wash the day of tears, poop, vomit and breast milk off…"
He grinned at her. "Even though that should sound utterly terrifying to me, it sounds like the most amazing life. I can't wait to see you with our baby girl. You're already a MILF…"
Olivia laughed. "I hate that expression, but… you're allowed to say it because I'm pretty sure I told Amanda that you're an impressive DILF."
He laughed too. "I'm a bit of meat to you, Benson…"
"Uhuh, my meat…"
He kissed her softly on the lips. "I love you. I'm glad you're feeling better tonight and that you and Angela sorted things out."
"I love you too. But… Trev, you don't have to get involved between Ange and I. We are both a lot alike and I think we both get sensitive about certain things and it was just unfortunate that both of our own stupid insecurities triggered off one another. I didn't need you to get mad at her, it could have made it much worse."
"I'm sorry," he apologised, "I was just really worried and sad for you… she was being a little bit of a brat — these are the things I meant when we met and you asked me what she was like, she can be really mean as a knee-jerk reaction sometimes and we're all supposed to accept her apology later."
"Realistically, she's still young and one thing I know about trauma is that it stunts us. Whatever age Angela was when your Dad passed and then when your Mom passed, she's still in that headspace when something triggers her — so she's thinking like a 17 year old or a 22 year old, whatever…"
"You're a good person, Liv, I forget to be patient with her sometimes, I guess. I think I get frustrated sometimes because I feel like she thinks that she's the only person that lost her parents. Joe and I had to really just suck it up and get on with things when in fact, the last thing I wanted to do during that phase was be a grown up… I just wanted to curl up and let the world spin without me."
"I know…" Liv murmured. He often talked about his parents but not in any great emotional depth. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."
"You went through it too with your Mom."
Olivia nodded, "Yeah but … the loss would have been made only harder if I was closer with her… I know you were close with your Mom and getting there with your Dad."
"I'm mad at my Dad still for limiting Joe, I think Joe could have been brilliant and sometimes I feel like he's wasted on this farm and it was all Dad's doing."
"In what way?"
Trevor stared at Olivia for a moment, considering if it was the right thing to tell her. "We don't talk about it, it never comes up and its unspoken that no one is allowed to bring it up — but… Joe got in to med school. Even my grades weren't that good. Joe got in to med school and got through two years of medicine and Dad started asking for his help around the farm and got in to his head and he started flunking out because he didn't know how to say he needed to study, or he couldn't come home for the weekends because of school — so he tried to do both and eventually Dad just got in his head about it and convinced him this was the life he wanted."
"Wow…"
"Joe scored higher than both Ange and I. He could have been anything he wanted in the medical field and I feel angry that Dad was so selfish that he wanted someone to listen to his complaining and help him with the things he could have easily hired someone to do…"
"Why do you think he did that?" Olivia wondered.
"Because I loved my Dad but he was so fucking selfish. I think it was this weird jealousy thing, he saw both himself and his best friend in Joe and didn't want Joe to do better than he did and also didn't want to lose his pal. He was so anti-social and shy as a person and resented my Mom for having friends and being a pillar of the community— it was unspoken but…." Trevor shrugged. "My Mom tried to talk Joe out of quitting and there were a few huge fights but by that stage I was in college and am only going by what Angela and Mom told me. Joe didn't say much about it and was angry with me when and if I brought it up."
"What about Jenna? What did she think?" Olivia wondered.
"Jen wanted Joe to be happy. She always told him that whatever he wanted she would support but he had to also return support…"
"Do you think that maybe Joe might not have been happy studying medicine? That maybe he missed the farm and wanted to be here as much as your Dad wanted him to?"
"Maybe," Trevor shrugged, "but when I came to New York for my first year, he was different. So confident and fun and laid back… I don't know, I just think he must have some regrets."
"But here you are, Trev," Olivia smiled gently at him, reaching up to smooth his bristly cheeks, "you're not even 40 and you want to quit being a lawyer to make a business out of farm life — so maybe there's something in it. I'm not 40 and have only been around for a short time and I'm almost ready to drop everything for this life."
He nodded slowly. "Maybe you're right. I hope you are. I just think that Joe could have been great."
"He's still great. He's great at everything he does here for Jen and his children and for his nephew and probably his niece too. He's got a brilliant, creative mind — look what he did with their pool and then ours."
Trevor laughed, "maybe I'm being an ass."
"I think you're mad at your Dad for a lot of things, Joe is just one of those things…"
He smiled back at her, caressing her hair. "I can't be mad at my Mom, maybe he's my scapegoat."
"Why can't you be mad at your Mom? We can be mad at those that we love that left us, Trev. It doesn't mean we love them any less. You can be mad at you had to watch your Mom literally leave the world while you had to be the adult and drag away your baby sister who just — didn't know how to deal with that moment."
She could see Trevor's eyes moistening. He cleared his throat and looked away. "It's okay," she murmured. "But it just means that Angela struggles too, she gets sensitive too and she saw your Mom as someone who would fix everything for her, that she could go to because she was in trouble — and then in a split second she had to figure it out on her own, filled with so much shame about what was going on that she felt that the only way she wouldn't disappoint you all is if she ran for it."
"I wish she didn't. She would have never disappointed me. We would have helped her and we would have told that little asshole trying to rule her life to fuck off. Joe and I would have protected her."
"I know that," Olivia nodded.
"If Mom hadn't passed, Angela wouldn't have run and there wouldn't be this weird disconnect between the three of us, I hate that. That was never there before our Mom left us."
"So its okay to be angry that your Mom left you guys like that — but know that with time and getting to know and get used to Angela again, it'll dwindle away. I can already see that you guys are close… she loves her big brothers so much. She already gets up early sometimes to feed the animals with you and Noah and she's also talking about getting a pet piglet too."
A smile spread across Trevor's face. "I'm trying to convince her that a dwarf goat would be much more fun."
"You are trolling her, that would be the worst. She would end up dumping it on our door and one mini pig and two kids is enough. Its bad enough when Noah let's Maple in to the house," she made air quotes, "by accident"
They laughed.
Olivia caressed his short spiky hair. "Baby, if you ever wanna talk about your Mom, just about nice memories or even the hard ones, you know you can talk to me, right? I'm always here. I wish I'd had the chance to meet her and from what you and Jen and your siblings have said, I know she would have been an amazing Grandma— I'm here, no matter what."
He pressed his lips soft against hers. "Thank you… that means actually a lot to me."
"Always," she murmured.
/
Trevor felt happy with his final coat of paint. He smiled and took a photo, sending it to Joe. "What do you think?" He wrote, "You think I should paint it a colour or stain it?"
He had spent endless nights building a crib for the baby. Jen kept promising Olivia that she had a spare one to hold her off buying something until Trevor finished it as a surprise. It was a lot of trial and error but now that it was finished, it was perfect.
He was proud of it and he was proud of himself for buying the cutest bedding and mattress for it and that it all fit together nicely and was baby-proofed in all ways.
"I say leave it stained or if you really want to paint it, just paint it white," Joey replied, "it looks so good bro, you should be really proud. Liv is going to love it. She seems like the sort of person that would appreciate such an amazing gesture and dedication to your daughter. Shit, I'm really proud of you."
Trevor smiled, "Thank you Joe, I'm excited for her to see it. I'm gonna stain it and leave it and I guess I'll show it to her tomorrow and she can decide if she wants me to paint it some other colour."
"Great," Joey responded. "Goodnight."
/
Trevor heard footsteps coming down the stairs in the middle of the night. He had been to bed and tried to sleep but couldn't. He had come down to try to read until he was tired.
"Liv?," he called out.
She appeared at the landing— one hand on her belly and a look of pain in her face. "Hey baby, are you okay?"
"Mmmm, I don't want to panic you but my water broke," she announced with a yawn; a little too casual about the whole thing for his liking.
"What do you mean?," he asked, sitting up. "Is the baby coming?"
"No, it means that it could come at any time, we talked about this… don't panic, its okay. I just texted Angela and she said don't be alarmed, its normal, just put a pad on and business as usual."
"Okay…" he replied, trying to be calm, "Do you need me to do anything?"
"No…" she yawned again, "actually yeah, I need help changing the bedding, I was not expecting to wake up to that."
He smiled. "She's almost here, huh?"
Olivia nodded.
"Are you all cleaned up and feeling okay?," he asked, getting up.
"Yeah, I'm fine, promise. Just woke up with a bit of a fright at first but once I figured it out I'm all good."
"Do you need anything? What does it feel like?" He had a bunch of questions and despite Olivia telling him not to panic, he was suddenly full of nervous energy. Above all else, he was curious.
"It feels like I'm leaking," she said with a little laugh.
"Do you need something? Will a pad be enough?"
"I think so, its like a weird trickle… I thought I peed, but it was too much and it doesn't stop but Angela helped me discern what it was," she explained. "She's going to just pop over and check me out."
"Okay, you sit tight and I'll go and change the bedding for you," he motioned for Olivia to sit on the couch. He kissed her forehead and headed upstairs.
/
"You're fine," Angela smiled at Liv, smoothing her hair as she stood up, "unfortunately I don't think you're going to have your baby tonight since you have absolutely no signs of contractions, but you can come and get me at any time during the night. I'll keep my phone on, Trev…" she told her brother.
"Thanks kiddo," Trevor replied, glancing at Liv. "We appreciate it."
"Get something warm on, your temperature is a bit low and it's freezing," Angela reminded her. "Goodnight guys, don't hesitate to call me no matter the time."
Trevor saw his sister out and thanked her again. He turned to find Olivia yawning again, looking tired and struggling to stay awake. "Do you want me to come back to bed with you until you go to sleep again?," he asked.
"Nah," she shook her head as he wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. He took a seat on the couch, "Can I just hang out here with you until you're ready for sleep?"
"Of course," he smiled. "Do you want me to get you some water or anything?"
"No baby, I'm just really tired…"
He got comfortable on the couch and picked up his book and opened up his arms. She wrapped herself tightly in the blanket and scooted up closer, her belly pressed against his flank. He smiled to himself as she rested her head in the crook of his shoulder, curling in warmly. She let out a contented sigh. "I love you…"
"I love you too," he replied, kissing her forehead as he balanced his book on her shoulder behind her. It wasn't the most comfortable reading position he'd been in, but he wanted to be close to her as much as she wanted to be close to him. It was a special time for the both of them, knowing that the count down to becoming parents again was looming closer.
He'd had a feeling for a few days that their child wasn't far away - he had been staying up late every night trying to finish the crib just on the off chance that the baby was early and he was relieved that it was finally complete. He decided he'd get Joe's help in the morning to bring it in to the nursery and dress it in the bedding and put the finishing touches on the room while Olivia rested.
He felt the book start to get heavy in his hands until he flinched, dropping it against her back.
She stirred a little. He put it behind him on the couch side table and wrapped his other arm around her. He told himself to get up, to take her to bed with him. He wasn't comfortable and if he fell asleep he'd wake up with a sore neck on the precipice of falling off the edge of the couch - barely enough room for them both with her huge belly.
Instead he listened to her breathing and watched the rise and fall of her belly. She had been so concerned about putting on too much weight during her pregnancy and not being attractive to him that even though when they spoke about it, she posed all of her remarks and comments as jokes, he could tell she was serious. Looking at her, she had never been more beautiful to him - her face was rounder and her curves were a little extra, but her skin almost sparkled and the glow that he hadn't been convinced was a thing was proving to be true.
He thought she looked especially beautiful when her hair was entirely off her face allowing him to take in the gravity of how truly gorgeous she was. Her hair was the longest it had ever been and he absolutely loved when she braided it in two separate parts right down the middle — she looked youthful and adorable and really fit the farm girl part.
Maybe she'd been right, maybe the farm life did more for the soul than the corporate life. He had spent so many years trying to get away from the farm only to come full circle and want to semi retire from law only to capitalise on what they'd created.
Since being back with Olivia at the farm he and Jen had managed to get themselves a considerable following. Though he didn't love social media nor did he spend a lot of time on it, it was a little intriguing to him how quickly people jumped on the bandwagon — how many questions were fired at him about the food he was making, their farm harvests and life with all his family in close quarters.
Jen had to continue reminding him that all the follows would amount to money when they finally got things off the ground — for now though, until both he and Jen were comfortable as new parents, it was just cooking tutorials and life on the farm type videos.
As he lay still, feeling himself drift off, he realised he was cold and there was no way Olivia was giving up the blanket that was wrapped tightly around her. "Liv…" he whispered.
She stirred for a second until he whispered her name again, "Liv, honey…"
She opened her eyes and stared at him for a moment, trying to get her bearings. "Baby… let's go to bed, it's too cold down here."
He shifted up and waited for her to uncomfortably wiggle her way to the edge of the couch. "Here," he loaned her a hand and took her weight, helping her up. He helped her in to bed and waited for her to get comfortable before pulling the blanket over her. He checked in on Noah to make sure his room was warm enough before making his way back to their bed.
Olivia was laying on her side with her eyes open in the dim light or his bedside lamp. "Hey sweetie, are you alright?" Trevor asked.
"Yeah, I just have pain in my back and legs…" she murmured. "Its just uncomfortable."
"Oh, I'm sorry… is there something I can do?," he wondered, getting in to bed. "Do you want me to get you a heat pack or massage you?"
She just shook her head giving him a weak smile. "No. Thanks though."
"Of course…" he replied. "I hate that you're in pain…"
"Its okay, its not unbearable… just enough for me to notice," she sighed.
With an unspoken agreement, Trevor turned off the lights and held Olivia in his arms, stroking her hair, trying to help her relax. Eventually they both fell asleep after sometime of them both getting lost in their own thoughts.
/
"There… that looks so good, what do you think?" Joe asked Trevor, smiling back at him.
Trevor grinned, "you're right… it looks so good, thanks for your help. What do you think Noah? Do you think your sister is going to love sleeping in there?"
Noah grinned and nodded. "Can we wake Mommy up and show her now?," he wanted to know, eager for Olivia to see the surprise.
"In a minute, bubba, Mommy had a late night," Trevor told him for what seemed like the 10th time. "I know you're excited but be patient, please."
Noah sighed and rested his head down on Trevor's shoulder. Joe smiled at him. "Dad's mean, isn't he?"
The little boy nodded, pouting. "How about," Joe began, "I go home and you and Daddy can go wake Mommy up. I bet she had a late night but I bet she'd want to wake up and see the special surprise."
"Yeah, can we, Daddy? When Uncle Joey goes home?"
Trevor laughed, "Okay, sure. Better give Uncle Joe a cuddle."
Joe smiled and took Noah, holding him up high and bringing him back down for a hug. "You're such a good boy, Noah, you're gonna be such a good brother."
Noah giggled and grinned at his uncle before he set him back down on the ground. "So, text me when you guys are up and properly about. Ange and I are gonna do a big breakfast over home, so if Liv is feeling up to it, I'm sure Jenna and Ange can make her eat."
"Thanks," Trevor smiled. "I'll text you shortly."
/
Olivia was already awake and was slowly easing herself up when Noah burst through the door with Trevor behind him. "Mommmmyyyy!," he whispered loudly.
"Good morning my love," Olivia smiled. "Mommy's awake."
The room was dark because of the block out shades Trevor had fitted. "Morning honey," Trevor greeted her, do you want the shades drawn?," he asked, making sure that she hadn't just woken up.
"Sure…"
"Careful of Mommy, Noah," Trevor warned him as he climbed on the bed. Trevor let a little light in and smiled at Olivia. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay," Olivia replied, "come and sit with me," she commanded gently. Noah was already cuddled in against her. Trevor took a seat beside her and put an arm around her, kissing her temple.
"Noah, bubba, your sister is going to be arriving in a day or so."
"Wait, she is?," Trevor asked with a laugh. "Or is that hope?"
"Oh no, she's coming, I can feel it," Olivia replied with a little smile. She wasn't certain and didn't want to scare him, but she thought that she may have been awoken to a mild contraction.
"Okay, well, we'll prepare accordingly, huh?"
"Mommy, how will my sister get here? Do you have to go and get her?"
Olivia smiled, rubbing her tummy. "Remember, I told you, your sister is in my belly and she will come out of my belly when she is ready to come out."
"But how will you know when she's going to come out?" Noah asked curiously, rubbing Olivia's belly the same way that she did.
"She will let us know, bubba," Trevor told him, "she will move around and Mommy will be able to feel it and we will go to the hospital and they'll help your sister arrive."
"How?" Noah asked, pressing the issue further. "Does she come from your tummy?"
"Yes," Olivia replied, "the nurses and the doctors will take her out of my tummy, it's a little bit of magic," she added. She didn't want to go in to too much detail; she knew he was still too little to understand the concept of how a baby would be delivered.
"Daddy, can we show Mommy the surprise now?," Noah asked, seeming satisfied with her answer.
"If Mommy wants to get out of bed, we can show Mommy our surprise — but we could just sit with Mom for a little longer."
"Oh, a surprise?," she asked, looking at Noah and back at Trevor, "For me?"
"Yeah! For you! It's in the baby's room, you have to come and see it!" Noah told her excitedly.
"Well, I better get up and come see…" Olivia smiled. Trevor got up and helped Olivia up.
"Wait, I better go use the bathroom and make sure everything is okay," she told them. "Give me a second."
A few minutes later, Olivia emerged, ready for her surprise. The ache in her back was stronger and it filtered down to her thighs and she was convinced that her daughter was going to be in her arms within the next 24 to 48 hrs. She didn't want any fuss so soon though and there was a chance she was wrong, so she kept it to herself for the moment; just a silent understanding between her and daughter.
"So… when I say I've been working each night after you go to bed, I've been telling the truth, but not the kind of work you thought I was doing…" Trevor told her as he guided her down the hall. He opened the door to the nursery and let Noah in. He ran to the crib,
"Look Mommy!"
"What did you do?" Olivia asked, noticing the crib in the corner of the room. "Did you get this from Jen and Joe?"
"Daddy made the crib, Mom!" Noah told her impatiently. "I helped!"
A slow smile spread across her lips as she took a few steps toward it and let her eyes fall over the craftsmanship; it was perfect, there was so much detail. "Wow, you made it? Like all of it?" She asked, glancing back at Trevor who stood in the doorway looking almost nervous.
"Yeah… from scratch," he replied. "I hope its okay, I hope you love it…"
"Sweetheart," Olivia's breath caught in her throat as she held her hand out to him. He met her in the room at the crib, "this is so amazing, what an amazing gift for her…" she grinned at him, her eyes filling up, "this is so special, you are incredible."
He let out a sigh, "I'm so happy you like it."
"I love it," she smiled, sliding an arm around his waist. "I love you," she told him, "And I love your heart… you even got the mattress — and the bedding is so, so adorable."
"I helped Daddy pick it and I helped didn't I?" Noah looked to Trevor.
Trevor smiled at him, "you did, you were such a big help and we picked out all the baby things together for your sister."
Noah smiled at Olivia. "You did such a good job too, sweetie," she told him, returning his smile.
Trevor picked Noah up knowing that it was a lot for Olivia to try to carry him in her current state. She kissed his cheek and kissed Trevor's lips. "Thank you both, I'm so happy and I know the baby is going to be so happy and grateful too."
"That was our hope, right, Noah? We wanted to give Mommy and the baby a big surprise," Trevor prompted him.
"Uhuh!"
Olivia let go of them and went and inspected the crib closely, still amazed that he was able to build the whole thing.
"So Joe and Angie are making a big breakfast at Joe's place. If you're feeling up to it, I thought we could go have breakfast…"
Olivia peeled her eyes away and looked back at them. "Yeah," she smiled, "that sounds really nice."
"Okay, well… when you're ready, put something comfortable on and we'll go eat," Trevor told her.
"I know this is precious but… can we drive over? I don't think I can walk that far today."
"Of course," Trevor replied, "I would have insisted on us driving anyway."
"Mommy will I get to see Olly today?"
"Yes, honey… but maybe not all day, they're busy with the baby at the moment, so its just a little visit. Soon you'll be busy with your sister too."
/
Olivia sat back in her chair and took a deep breath. She was full and felt ready to explode. She leaned hard in to her chair to quell some of the discomfort she was experiencing in her lower back.
A cramp passed through her lower stomach, similar but perhaps more intense than the Braxton-hicks she had experienced earlier in the pregnancy. It made her breath catch but passed quickly.
She reached for Trevor's hand on the tabletop and glanced at him with a little smile. She didn't want to draw attention to herself or freak anyone out. The timing was right, Jen got up to help the twins with something and Joe got up to get some more food. Angela had disappeared to the bathroom or somewhere.
"Baby," she murmured softly.
"Yeah?," he turned to her.
She glanced up at him, making sure he was looking her in the eye, "I think I'm in labour," she told him calmly.
He was about to leap up but she held up her hand, "No, don't freak out, don't cause a scene. I am fine, I promise. Just… I think I need to ask Ange what we should do."
"How long for? Since you woke up? Liv, why didn't you say something!?," he hissed.
"Because I wasn't sure, now I'm sure. But. Don't want to make a scene and if Noah knows she's coming he will get upset if we have to go to the hospital."
"Okay, okay… are you in pain?"
"No," she shook her head, "just the back pain like last night but it's fine and I promise I'll say something if it gets too intense or something feels strange."
"Okay," he smiled, kissing her.
Once the his brother, Jen and Ange had rejoined the table, Olivia surprised him and spoke up first. "Guys, I don't want anyone to panic and I don't want Noah to know what's going on, but I think I'm in labour."
"What!" Ange exclaimed, "wait, for how long? I told you to tell me."
"Ange," Olivia began calmly, reaching out and touching her arm, "I am telling you. I am telling you now. I felt a bit funny this morning but I wasn't sure and I've just had my second or third contraction and I'm fine, but I think it's happening."
Ange looked at her and let out a breath, "Okay."
"What do you need us to do? We can hold on to Noah when you go to the hospital."
Trevor nodded, "that'd be good, thanks."
"Is your bag packed?" Angela asked.
"Yes," Olivia smiled, "you and Jenna were there when I packed it, remember?" She smiled and gave her arm a squeeze, "its okay, I promise I'm prepared and I feel strangely calm. Calmer than you all seem to be."
Jen laughed, "Maybe my chill attitude rubbed off on to you, it'll be fine, you go to the hospital at the right time, you get comfortable, you make Trevor do all the things that he's told to do to help you stay as comfortable as possible."
"She's right," Ange agreed, "but I think cos we're 40 minutes from the hospital, you should probably call them in advance and I can monitor you in the meantime but I do think you should start eating some bland food and drink water because there's every chance you'll be vomiting later."
"What a waste of food, sorry Joe," Liv tried to joke. She hated vomiting though.
Joey laughed. "I'd waste my good harvest on you any time, Liv," he replied.
Trevor gave her hand a squeeze before lifting it and kissing the back of it. "I guess there will be an addition to the family soon."
"You're gonna be a Dadddddddd," Angela told him with a grin. It wasn't lost on Olivia that without realising, she had glossed over the fact that Noah considered Trevor to be his father and Trevor was the same.
"I know, I became a Dad two times in 12 months, I'm very lucky." He leaned in close and kissed Olivia's temple and squeezed her hand and she knew he was acknowledging the comment and how weird it may have been for her. She chose not to take it personal; that Angela just hadn't quite gotten used to Noah suddenly being present the way she struggled a little with the twins as she'd only met them twice.
"So, I think you should get as much rest as you possibly can," Jen advised Olivia, "go back home and get in to bed and sleep until you can't… we'll have Noah here."
"Thanks you guys."
"Once we finish up breakfast, I'll come over and do an examination and check the baby's position and do all of your obs and we can call your midwife to ask her when she wants you to start heading in."
"Thanks honey," Liv replied.
"But stay calm, you probably have a good while til anything progresses."
Trevor felt excited but anxious — he really was about to become a father again, but first he had to help Olivia through the worst part of it and he wasn't sure how he was going to successfully deal with that bit; he couldn't stand to see her pain and he was aware that he was going to be mostly helpless.
