Rigby was ready to collapse at any second. It had been a while since he pulled an all-nighter. To the bewilderment of Thomas, Rigby even seemed to sleepwalk while mowing the lawn.
"Benson's gonna yell at you if you keep that up," Mordecai said.
This snapped Rigby out of his semi-trance. "Thanks."
"You look like a trainwreck."
"I didn't need you to tell me that. I know."
Mordecai replied, "What time did you go to bed last night? I didn't hear you come in."
Rigby stared deadpan, "I didn't…"
"Jeez…"
"Why do you care?" Rigby shot back.
"Fine, I don't. But if you're so concerned that you're losing sleep over this, then you need to tell me."
"Okay, what? I don't even know what this is! Why don't you say something or talk to me! Or anyone!" They stood in silence for a quick moment. "S-Sorry… Whatever you're going through, just, talk to me."
"I will."
Rigby sighed. He still felt insulted by how weak Mordecai assumed he was. "And I wasn't losing sleep over you. It's just that… I got… Stuff… Rigby stuff…"
The blue jay just shook his head. Rigby was an adult and it was not up to Mordecai to keep handling all his problems. "Just don't let Benson catch you like this.
Near noon, Rigby felt ready to collapse and sleep the whole day away. It would not have been the first time. "Just 5 minutes… no one will even notice…" Rigby muttered as he took a beeline straight for the bleachers. However, something stopped him in his tracks.
"Hey Rigby!" Eileen called as she awkwardly stepped closer to the raccoon.
This jolted Rigby to awareness for a moment. "Oh great."
"So, what's up?" Eileen asked.
" Ehggggggg, " Rigby moaned with an unenthusiastic tone.
"Are you alright? You look terrible."
"No. Sleep. Need. Get. Bleachers. Want. Die." Rigby replied as he marched forward.
Eileen changed the subject: "H-How's Mordecai been? Did you get any of my texts."
Rigby shrugged at both of the answers. "I don't know."
"You don't know? You're best friends!"
"I don't know. He's good old Mordecai one minute then Mordy McDouchebag the next."
Eileen said, "Yeah… So Rigby, I was thinking-"
Rigby cut her off, "Eileen, I am three seconds away from dying of sleep not getting-ness. Please." It was not difficult to see that Rigby was just trying to get her to leave him alone.
"I have waited too long to give up now," Eileen thought to herself, now determined. With Mordecai and Margaret no longer together, Rigby and Eileen would not have as much of a reason to hang out. It would be too easy to just have a falling out .
Rigby was walking away when Eileen jutted in front of his path. Her tone changed. "You know what Rigby? You're going on a date with me. Right now."
The tired raccoon now shot awake. "What?!"
"You are going to spend your lunch break with me at the arcade."
He sighed, "I'd love to and you're a good friend or whatever but no thanks. I'm too tired for this," he said as he brushed her aside.
Eileen called to him, "Come on Rigby. I'll pay!" This stopped him for a moment. "I'll pay for lunch AND I'll get you a coffee." Rigby turned around to face Eileen. She said, "Look, I know you think I'm annoying and weird and that you don't like me. But just one date with you and me; no Margaret or Mordecai. Please."
Rigby thought about it before asking, "Just one date?"
"And I'll never bug you about it again."
Rigby took his time to think about it. This was a tempting offer. In the end he figured he didn't have anything to lose. "Fine. One date. But I only have an hour for lunch."
Eileen was giddy with joy. "Hey Benson, I'm going on my lunch break" Rigby screamed into the distance as they got into Eileen's car outside the park.
"Hey Benson. I'm taking the cart out for my lunch break," Mordecai said to his boss.
"Okay, just make sure you're back here on time," Benson replied.
Mordecai got into the cart, but had to stop by the house for something first. He grabbed the Crown from his closet and drove off.
He arrived at the same place as last time, the cliff in the woods. "Okay Mordecai, no excuses," he re-assured himself, "Just toss the damn thing over the cliff."
There were still remnants of snow and ice from before. Mordecai picked up the crown. "… 10 minutes…" Mordecai put on the Crown, and fell into an icy bliss.
GAME OVER, PLAYER 2 WINS
"Ughhhh! Must be rigged or something!" Rigby complained as he slapped the side of the machine.
"Like the last five?"
"Or broken or cheap or just- ghahghgh…"
"You just can't admit someone is better at video games than you," Eileen smirked. It was the fifth time in a row she beat him at Super Street Boxer 2.
"Oh please, I get that enough from Mordecai."
"Aww, I'm sorry Rigby. If you want, I could go easy next time. Blindfolded, hands behind my back, you name it."
"Haha, but I'm not that bad! Gooooooooooooooosh!" Rigby remarked as he sulked away. He took another sip of his coffee as he walked in step with Eileen towards the other games.
"You sure? I've beaten you every time so far," Eileen remarked.
"If that's how you want to play it, fine." He walked around for any game where he knew he would beat her. "Ten bucks says I beat you at the next game," Rigby said, now desperate for a win.
Eileen smiled and agreed to the bet.
Rigby led her over to one of the shooting games they had there.
"Are you serious?" Eileen genuinely asked
"What, you're scared?"
Eileen crossed her arms, smiled, and said "Alright, alright, you're on! First to die loses."
The quarters were inserted and they both pressed start.
It had been a while since Rigby held anything close. He held his arms steady, his right hand pushing towards his left which pulled back. The bulky plastic made no difference.
Eileen did not stand a chance. Every enemy on screen was instantly wiped out. Eileen lost in three minutes, but Rigby still kept playing. He made it to ten minutes in before he finally beat the game itself. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rigby screamed as he stood triumphantly.
"Okay, okay, I'll admit that was pretty good." Eileen said, overall impressed.
"Gimme my money!"
Eileen thought of a way around this, "How about I get you ten bucks in a different way…"
Rigby was satisfied with his payment. Together they got a booth at Cheeser's. Rigby, trying to pay his winnings out to the fullest, got the deluxe supreme.
"So how did you do that?" Eileen asked curiously.
" SCHDO WHA-? " Rigby garbled with a mouth full of food.
"That was insane back there!"
"Oh, that. I used to go shooting with Don and my crazy uncle Ted when I was younger," Rigby explained, "I haven't gone in a while though, mostly because my-OH SHOOT!" Rigby yelled.
"What? What's wrong?"
It was two o'clock, a full hour later than when he should have been back. They both realized this and quickly ran back into Eileen's car.
They quickly drove up to the park. As Rigby was getting out, Eileen said to him, "That was fun. We'll have to do that again sometime." Rigby smiled at this and nodded his head in agreement. He held his smile long after she pulled out.
"RIGBY!" Benson yelled as he saw his employee. "Where the hell have you been?"
"Sorry Benson, I was… hanging out… with Eileen…?" He knew this really was a poor excuse.
"Do you even realize that you're an hour late?!"
"I'm sorry Benson, It won't happen again," Rigby said coweringly.
Benson sighed and said, "Get back to work, if you're late again: You're fired!"
He walked away, and Rigby emitted a sigh of relief. Muscle Man and High Five Ghost walked toward the raccoon laughing. "What's so funny?"
"Dude, you totally dig that nerd chick!" Muscle Man said pointing his finger.
"Shut up, I don't like her" Rigby replied, but the blush on his face would disagree.
"Don't lie! I'm a master at these things!" Muscle Man rebutted.
"So when are you gonna," High Five Ghost playfully elbowed Rigby, "Make your move?" The two were laughing as Rigby's face only got redder.
"I don't like her! And besides, even if I did I wouldn't even know how to 'make my move.'"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. Have you ever even dated a chick before?" Muscle Man asked. Rigby shook his head no.
"So you've never even…" High Five Ghost said. Again, Rigby shook his head no.
The duo were astounded. Rigby just felt embarrassed. "Dude, don't even worry. I got you covered." Muscle Man led Rigby back to his trailer where Muscle Man retrieved a pack of papers. He handed the pages to Rigby and said "BAM! The solution to your problem!"
Rigby read the cover out loud, "Mind Games, by Jay T Dawgzone?"
"Yeah man! It's how to get all the ladies you want!" Muscle Man said.
"Why the name change?" Rigby asked.
"I just want those fat stacks of cash. I don't want to be drenched with adoring women when I already have Starla. I'm gonna find some loser to publish it for me!" Muscle Man bragged.
"This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen."
"Hey, I've been going out with Starla longer than you've been working here, so you're-… you're just… you're dumb! You didn't even read it!" Muscle Man yelled.
"Fine!" Rigby groaned. Rigby flipped to a random point in the packet: Chapter 8: Fishing. This next chapter may sound a little controversial, but guys: don't pay attention to them. The more you ignore a girl, the more you reel her in. This move is sort of like fishing. You give her some slack, then you
Rigby closed and tossed it back to Muscle Man. "No thanks, I think I can do better on my own."
Muscle Man got angry at this response. "You don't even know anything about chicks!"
Rigby walked away, saying, "Only a moron would actually read that crap…" Ironically, in a thousand years, the hero of mankind would eat up every word.
Later that night, the book once again called to Rigby to be used. Rigby was getting better, alarmingly so. It didn't hurt to use magic anymore. Rigby hardly wanted to leave home without the Enchiridion. He could feel himself getting stronger each day.
This was Rigby's new routine. Every night was spent in a corner of the park, harnessing the power of the Enchiridion.
Yes, it seems like its taking a while, but I need to develop everything for the Mushroom War.
