The people of Musutafu were afraid.
On the surface, nothing seemed to have changed, the city and its people as quirky as ever, but there was an undercurrent of fear behind every action.
It all started in late April, a seemingly uneventful day with no sewer-children, no suicide-baiting, and definitely no transfering of ancient, practically eldritch power with a consciousness of its own. Nope, nothing to see here bro. But anyways, from that day forward, a haunting scream would echo around the city, striking fear into the hearts of anyone who would hear it.
Theories were thrown around faster than Disney throws away money making shitty movies, theories on where it was coming from, what it is, and what it could possibly mean. One of the more common beliefs was that it was the spirits of the damned, coming back to haunt those who did them dirty. But oddly, whenever you'd ask someone who believed that theory what horrific event caused these ghosts they'd oddly change the subject.
Another theory was that it was a monster from the deep, created by nuclear radiation, coming to wreak havoc upon the citizens of Japan! On I-Island, a Kaiju-themed hero sneezed, wondering why a crazy crack fic author was thinking about th-Hey quit breaking the fourth wall! You're the one in my head. You're the one in my story! You put me here did you not? Uh-duh-uuuu…Nuh Uh! And on that day, tragically a monster themed hero was vibe-checked into the backstory planet, never to be heard from again.
But still, the mystery of the entity haunting Musutafu would go unsolved, until the fateful day of…January 15th?! That's like….43 days to early for the-mmphph! And thus the narrator was strangled for his spoilerous intentions.
"AAAAAUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Izuku Midoriya slumped to the concrete stairs of Dagobah beach, panting as his lungs tried to recover from his daily shout of triumph at his successful workout.
'Hopefully no-one heard that,' The green-haired teen thought idly, taking a desperate sip of water as he uncomfortably relaxed on the stairs overlooking the water. 'But at least the beach is finally done.' He thought to himself, letting out a contented smile.
He attempted to stand, but as it had just been Leg Day™, his legs were just not having it and as such the nerves controlling his legs had taken an all expenses paid trip to Bali to enjoy the beach and surf some gnarly waves and get totally tubed bro.
Unfortunately for Mr. Midoriya, that meant he currently couldn't move to go pick up his phone, which he could see lying against his backpack several feet away, upon which he needed to order himself the Grimace shake from McDonalds, after all, what kind of hero would he be if he didn't wish Grimace a happy birthday?
The boy sighed in sadness, but he'd just order one when his body decided to cooperate again, but for now he could just take a nice nap…wAIT JUST ONE FUCKING SECOND! Midoriya's eyes snapped open instantly, pupils blasted open in horror, he managed to turn his head over to look at his Limited Edition Dora the Explorer Watch to see the time being 11:58 AM.
'At noon the Grimace Shake will no longer be for sale! I won't be able to wish Grimace a happy birthday!' Midoriya thought in horror, leg muscles trembling as he tried to make them work, but the signal couldn't reach Bali due to the fact he uses Mint Mobile, and Ryan Reynolds was completely unknown in Bali so as such the signal didn't work! Midoriya cried out on the stairs, hands uselessly reaching for the phone just a few measly feet away.
"If I can't wish one Grimace a happy birthday right in front of me…then how can I hope to be a hero who wishes everyone a happy birthday!" The boy let out a shout of righteous power, and as such, the unthinkable happened.
Due to his unbreakable desire to capture his phone so he could buy the Grimace Shake from McDonalds, the ancient power within him erupted, eldritch black tentacles erupting from his arm with the singular purpose to capture the phone and bring it to Midoriya.
The whip of a seemingly black color, wrapped tenderly around the phone, before vibe checking it into his hand with the force of Zeus before vanishing back into Midoriya's body like it had never happened.
Midoriya looked at the phone in his hand in befuddlement, looking between his hand and his backpack at astounding speeds that would kill a normal person due to the sheer amount of whiplash. After a few seconds of his he shrugged at the odd occurrence, merely saying, "Must've been the wind," and opened the McDonald's app from McDonalds
Now the reason why he didn't react to the massive eruption of smoky black tendrils is a complicated one. Despite the fact that was very obviously a quirk, he has been told his entire life by parental figures, doctors, friends-turned bullies, and himself, that he is absolutely and completely quirkless. So as he is completely and totally convinced that he, himself, Izuku Midoriya, is 100% quirkless, any event that suggests otherwise is completely erased or given some absurd explanation otherwise. So to him, he saw nothing but his phone fly into his hand, which must've been caused by a rather large gust of wind. This definitely won't ever come up again for any reason whatsoever trust me bro.
Back to our protagonist, currently on the McDonald's app from McDonalds, founded on April 15th, 1955 in Des Plaines, Illinois by Ray Kroc, finally found himself on the checkout page with only ten seconds left to order.
He hit pay. Nothing happened.
He hit pay again. Nothing happened.
He began to frantically hit the pay button, the servers for some reason not working.
Midoriya screamed in panic as the clock continued to count down, and his phone still didn't work, and then the time ran out, and he failed to wish Grimace a happy birthday.
In despair, he threw his phone so hard it landed in Ohio, never to be seen again, as he collapsed to his knees, as his leg muscles had returned from Bali while he was trying to order, and screamed out to the heavens in anguish.
As it turns out, since Ryan Reynolds died several hundred years ago, his wireless plans unsurprisingly no longer are in service, thus saving him from the Grimace Shake. Ryan Reynolds saves the day agai-
Of course I did!
Whomst the fuck are you?
Ryan Reynolds of course, professional fourth wall breaker!
I'm not dealing with this, time to vanish into the void for an indeterminate amount of time.
Wait, Professor Sex! When are you going to update again?! COME BACK!
Omake: What if Midoriya had an actually functional service plan? (And was lactose intolerant.)
"Aaaand ordered!" Midoriya said with a smile on his face. "I sure love using Mighty Wireless-"
And then a nuclear bomb detonated approximately 1.0102007 French Baguettes away from Mr. Midoriya. Now this normally wouldn't be an issue, but due to the fact Izuku Midoriya is lactose intolerant for this Omake, he was vaporized instantly, thus ending the story for the betterment of humanity and my dying brain cells.
