"…The fuck?" Alchemist silently cussed to herself as she looked around the room she found herself in. She'd only intended to go back to before the city ambush to give herself some time to come up with a new plan. But, from what she knew, Zeldri hadn't lived with his parents since he joined the military. The bed was also way too small for Zeldri's height. "Just how far…!?" Alchemist scanned the room before looking down only to find Zeldri wasn't lying next to her. He wasn't even in the room with her.
"Remember to watch carefully, son." A voice came from beyond the closed bedroom door that Alchemist recognized as Zeldri's father, Artyom. She walked over a phased through the door to find herself in the living room along with a sixteen-year-old Zeldri. Though, she was immediately confused as this looked more like an interrogation than a tender family moment. Zeldri sat in a chair in the middle of the living room facing a TV that was playing static. Artyom was standing behind Zeldri with his hands resting on Zeldri's shoulders to keep him facing the TV. Aside from the reflection of the static, Zeldri's eyes held no sign of life. Something moved within the static.
"…?" Was there something she wasn't able to see hidden in the static?
"Our world," Artyom began, "has become a terrible place. We are no longer in the days where the enemy is on the other end of our rifles. Now, the enemy hides behind screens. Sometimes, they even pretend to be an ally. They will no longer shoot you as there are fates worse than death they can offer. Never trust those you can't see, Zeldri."
"Okay." Zeldri continued to stare blankly ahead. Something moved within the static.
"They will attempt to fool you, but not in the conventional way. My work has taught me that the human mind is such a fragile thing; like a fortress with the gates left open. It's so easy to break someone's mind. Close the gates, Zeldri. Close the gates and man the walls with guards who will never falter. Do this, and your mind will forever be yours. Did you get all that?"
"Yes, Dad."
"…" Alchemist was growing uneasy watching this. Despite never mentioning her, or even acknowledging her existence, Alchemist felt in her gut that Artyom was talking about her. She tried to look away, but her eyes were fixated with the TV. The static was…mesmerizing?
"As always, security is only as good as you make it, and secrecy is the key to the lock. Remember, this conversation stays between us since your mother doesn't like when I do this… She's already threatened divorce after she caught us last year. But…I feel this is important if you want to join the military while the world heads in this new direction. So, while we train your body to handle this, you must create a guard for your mind." Alchemist noticed a strange vial in Artyom's pocket. "They will try and get you to open your mind yourself, so make someone else hold the key to your fortress."
"But, why would I do that?" Zeldri's voice was monotone; both coherent and asleep.
"It's easy to trick the conscious mind to do something. The guard must live in your subconscious. And, just in case, you must fear it, Zeldri. This is the most important part."
"Fear?" The static distorted, again. Alchemist swore she saw a humanoid shape within the static.
"Yes, fear. You won't take the key if you fear the guard. Mine's my boss. But that won't work for you; it must be personal."
"…Personal?" Alchemist muttered to herself as understanding started to dawn on her. The world stuttered.
"You must fear it like no other. It must be something that even the nightmares will run from." Heavy footsteps approached the front door to the house. "No nightmare will take from them. No dream will steal from them. You must make…"
"…" Alchemist's jaw hung slightly agape as she looked to the front door.
"A Dream Eater." As Artyom spoke the final words, Task Force Dream Eater breached the house. A-545, AR-57, and UMP40 kicked down the door while Mondragon and MDR burst through two windows on the other side of the room. Before Alchemist could draw her weapons, Dream Eater lit her up and mulched her body with their bullets. Artyom smiled, and the world around them faded away into the dark ocean that lay beneath the white world. Arcs of lightning occasionally flashed and illuminated the dark.
"…" Zeldri, now back to his normal twenty-seven-year-old self, stood up from his chair that dissolved into image fragments. He gave a heavy sigh and looked over to A-545. "…Right, that's why I made you all so scary."
"I̶̧͘ ̶͚̌ẁ̸̱i̵̱̕l̶̥͌l̴̲̆ ̸̭̕a̵͕̕l̷͊ͅw̴̙̉ǎ̶͈y̸̱͛s̷̿͜ ̵̣̀b̶̩̏ȇ̵̺ ̷̞͆ẃ̶̼i̵̱͛t̷̓͜h̵̗͝ ̴̧͂y̸̹̏ȯ̴̢u̵͍̓.̴̥͛" A-545 said as she turned to Zeldri.
"Yeah, you will be. Even in my mind, you'll be there for me." He watched as Dream Eater reloaded their weapons. "I suppose this is the wake-up call?" Dream Eater leveled their weapons at Zeldri. "Alright, let's-"
"-stop pretending we're alright." The sound of fingers snapping echoed around him. Dream Eater fell to their knees and their weapons were forced from their hands. A-545 desperately struggled to get to her feet, but she couldn't break free of whatever invisible force was keeping her down. Footsteps approached Zeldri from behind.
"!?" Turning around, Zeldri saw AA-12 casually walking toward him as she emerged from the darkness. There were bags under her eyes and she looked distraught.
"Comma-"
"You're not AA-12," Zeldri spoke in a commanding voice to try and not show his fear. There was something about her that sent a chill down his spine, but he couldn't place it.
"…" AA-12 stopped walking and stood a few feet away from Zeldri. "Then, do you know who I am?" Her voice was starting to distort causing the pitch to change. She was starting to sound more masculine.
"Considering how many drugs Alchemist pumped into me, I have no-"
"You're not drugged," AA-12 cut him off. "At least, not in that way. You're being pumped full of anesthetic, but no 'truth serums' are being used. They need our mind at least somewhat intact." Her voice continued to shift and now sounded nothing like AA-12. Instead…
"Our…" Zeldri's eyes widened as he connected the dots. He had created Dream Eater as a psychological defense on his father's suggestion with their full control being given to his subconscious so that his conscious mind couldn't willingly give away vital information; like the code to the Heart. So, if Dream Eater was under the control of his subconscious and AA-12 was reining them in then that only meant… "You're me."
"The subconscious you, but close enough." AA-12 was now speaking with Zeldri's voice. It unnerved him to hear his voice coming out of her mouth. "The conscious mind and subconscious mind could be considered 'two' individuals. Though, in the usual sense this only gets brought up when people disagree with their own feelings and want something to blame." They gave a dismissive gesture and continued, "Why do I love you when I hate you? Why do I like this when I hate that? Etc. Etc. But, we're not living under usual circumstances." They looked down at their appearance. "I took this form as it was the most familiar to you and would let me interfere with Alchemists' plan the earliest."
"Then, why did you stop Dream Eater?" Zeldri tried to keep his cool-
"-despite how unnerved he was." AA-12 started speaking out about Zeldri's feelings which "was only raising his anxiety further."
"Stop that!" Zeldri shouted and took a step away from them. His fists clenched in-
"-frustration. He was losing his cool." AA-12 stared into Zeldri's eyes as they refused to relent and stepped closer.
"You're me! Shouldn't you be helping me instead of-"
"-tearing me down like the world keeps doing?" AA-12 took another step toward Zeldri.
"W-What do you-"
"-mean the world is unfair to me?" The world stuttered and distorted into image fragments.
"That's just life!" Zeldri tried to counter as the world started to stabilize. He was back in his parent's living room. He looked over and saw-
"-the TV filled with static and subliminal imagery dad used to brainwash me." AA-12 took another step forward. "Did I even want to become a soldier? Was that even my own choice?"
"It was! Even before dad came back from the war, that's what I've wanted to do!" Zeldri turned away from the TV and back to AA-12 only for the world to distort once more. This time, he was in front of the Mountain which-
"-dad gave to me on a platter of lies after I lost the use of my right leg. I wasn't his son, I was the tool he used to guard one of the Union's secrets after I became broken."
"That's…" Zeldri felt something in his hand and looked down to see the empty Gavirul sample. "This-"
"-continued to ruin my life. Stuck in a bunker in the middle of nowhere only to guard another lie. A lie that cost me more than I wanted to give."
"I-" Zeldri tried to counter, only to be cut off by the sound of a gunshot. The smell of flames and sulfur hung in the air and smoke clouds hung over his head. He was holding his Makarov pistol in his hand. Peter's corpse leaned against a crate with a bullet hole in his head. "…I-"
"-murdered my best friend." AA-12 was directly next to Zeldri. Their words were a whisper as they gently grabbed his hands. "I killed Peter. And, for what? For a lie? For the Mountain? For the dolls I allowed to openly slaughter humans?" Through the smoke, all of Zeldri's t-dolls stood by staring at him. They were covered in human blood and awaited their next orders. Their eyes were vacant. "How many others were there that day that I knew? I was too much of a coward to check the dog tags of every soldier. I killed them. I let my dolls kill them. I hung my head in shame, looked away, and pretended it was justified. I brush it off as being necessary but that's just an excuse I tell myself to help me sleep at night." AA-12 put both of Zeldri's hands on the Makarov and started raising it up. "Even Horris died for me."
"…!" The world distorted and Zeldri was now standing on the train in Daugavpils. Dream Eater and Revenant were in tatters, and M7 was barely functional.
"I couldn't even retrieve his body. I failed as a commander and as a friend. The world keeps beating me down because I deserve it. Someone as worthless as me…" AA-12 moved Zeldri's hands that held the Makarov so that the gun's barrel was in Zeldri's mouth. "Should just die."
"!" A loud bang shattered the world around them to return to the world of darkness. Before his fingers could pull the trigger, Zeldri had regained enough of his senses to move the gun out of his mouth just before he shot. He threw the gun away and fell to his knees as he desperately gasped for air while his heart raced in his chest.
"…" AA-12 stood above him with a somber expression on their face. They started to mutter, "You know I'm right."
"Fuck you!" Zeldri spat to the side as he looked up at them. "You think I don't know I'm a shit person? I'm not stupid."
"Then stop resisting, and let's end it." AA-12 outstretched their hand to Zeldri. They offered him his Makarov he'd thrown away.
"Fuck that!" Zeldri batted the gun away. "The world's shit? So what! As long as I have a reason to keep going then I will!" Zeldri struggled to his feet and continued to try and catch his breath.
"You mean Helian?" AA-12 gave a heavy sigh. "She'll find someone better. After I'm gone, she'll-"
"ЗАКРОЙ СВОЙ РОТ (SHUT YOUR MOUTH)!" Zeldri punched AA-12 in the face and sent them sprawling to the floor. The flashes of lightning intensified. "Is this what fucking depression is? Just constant bullshit from the subconscious telling me to off myself!? Stay the fuck down and know your place!"
"My place?! You don't even know what's happening here!" AA-12 shouted back. They wiped the corner of their mouth and got to their feet. "You think there's a future for us!? After all we've done!? After all that's happened to us!? You're seemingly being thrown through time and you think it'll all end the way you want!? You're the one who needs to know your place!" Smoke swirled around Zeldri's hand and he was now holding another Makarov. Tears welled up in AA-12's eyes. "So what if we have Helian, now? With our track record, she'll end up dying too! So, if you really love her, then pull the trigger!" AA-12 was pleading with Zeldri.
"…You can't do it." As Zeldri held the gun in his hand, a thought came to him. "No matter how much you yell, or bitch, you can't do it. That's why you keep trying to convince me. You can try to influence me with emotions and feelings, but only the conscious mind can willingly end things like this."
"…" AA-12 flinched at his words as tears continued to fall down their face despite the world seemingly being underwater. "This is for her."
"She'll cry even more when I'm gone," Zeldri stated as he tossed the gun to the side.
"But at least she'll be alive!" AA-12 shouted through their tears. "If she stays with us then she'll-"
"I really do love her, don't I?"
"…" AA-12 fell silent.
"With Peter you were somber. With Horris you were regretful. But, the thought of Helian dying brought you to tears." Zeldri found he was now holding his forearm crutch and decided to lean against it to ease the pain in his leg. "Honestly, I'm tearing up thinking about it, too… Is this what love does to a man?"
"…Of course, it is," AA-12 gave an annoyed grumble. "I thought you said you weren't stupid, earlier?"
"Love makes people stupid," Zeldri half-heartedly countered. "Though, I'm glad even my subconscious loves her just as much as I do. That means I truly love her." Zeldri chuckled at the thought.
"Why wouldn't I love her?! She's a great woman!" AA-12 seemed annoyed that Zeldri doubted them. "You're the one who almost ruined our chance with her during that first date when we found her in the park!"
"Workplace relationships don't usually end well!" Zeldri countered. "It would also be a long-distance relationship which just adds more difficulties. Besides, seeing her act playful during our various chats was nice, you have to admit. Or, how she opens up in bed."
"…You realize you're bragging to yourself about the woman we love, right?" AA-12 cocked an eyebrow at Zeldri.
"…" The two silently stared at each other for a few seconds before both burst out laughing. Their laughter echoed across the white world until Zeldri recomposed himself. "…I won't do it."
"…" AA-12 gave an annoyed sigh. "Even if it's pointless?"
"It's not pointless."
"Says who?"
"Does it matter?" Zeldri asked as he looked over to AA-12. "It's not like I'm trying to prove anything to anyone by living. I just do, and if I can find love along the way then that's reason enough to keep going."
"You don't even know what's happening."
"Yeah, because you won't tell me," Zeldri countered. "But, I don't really want to hear it from you since you'll spin it in a way to try and make me kill myself. I'd rather just face it head-on and decide for myself."
"…" AA-12 pursed their lips in apprehension as they were deep in thought. Finally, they spat off to the side in annoyance, "Why the fuck am I so spiteful?"
"I'm not doing this out of spite, but love."
"Fuck off, you can't fool your subconscious." AA-12 ran their hands through their hair and gave an annoyed groan. Their hands fell to their side as they made up their mind. "Fine, do whatever you want." They waved their hand and A-545 appeared next to Zeldri. "Just don't say I didn't war-" Before they could finish, A-545 drew her ice-axe and impaled it into AA-12's head. She gave a swift kick and ripped AA-12's head off their shoulders, letting the body dissolve into image fragments as it fell to the ground.
"…" Zeldri silently watched as A-545 shook her ice-axe a few times before holstering it back in her thigh sheathe. "Right, something even nightmares would run from."
"…" A-545 looked over to Zeldri expectantly as she drew her rifle and leveled it at him.
"Guess it's time to face whatever this is head-on." Zeldri stood tall as he faced A-545.
"W̸a̵k̵e̷ ̷u̸p̸,̵ ̴Z̶e̸l̵d̴r̵i̴,̵ ̸i̶t̸'̸s̵ ̸t̵i̴m̴e̵ ̷t̶o̸ ̵g̸e̶t̴ ̴t̸o̸ ̵w̶o̸r̶k̶.̸" And, with a bang, the world shattered.
…
…
…
Zeldri awoke to a world of white. Or, rather, that was just because of the sterile white tile walls that surrounded him. Looking down, he saw he was dressed in his usual Griffin & Kryuger winterized Commander's uniform, though he was missing his hat which was sitting on the table in front of him. As he tried to stand up from the chair he was sitting on, a dull pain shot up through his right leg causing him to falter. "Блядь (Fuck)," he cursed through his dry throat and massaged his leg to try and subdue the pain.
"So, that's who they were?" Alchemist's voice came from across the table. "Hello, Commander. Feeling better?"
"…Alc-!?" Zeldri looked up expecting to see Alchemist towering over him, but his words caught in his throat. Sitting…no…that wasn't the right word. Alchemist's limbless torso was propped up in a seat across the table from him. She still had her head, but her arms and legs were cut off. From the stumps, wires connected Alchemist to something that was behind him. Zeldri attempted to turn around and see what it was but found something was keeping him facing forward. Zeldri reached up and tried to clutch the back of his throbbing head only to be met with cold metal and rubber insulated wires. His heart rate started to spike as whatever machine was behind him was connected directly to the back of his head. Sweat ran down his face as he looked over to Alchemist who gave him a pitiful smile.
"Welcome to the real nightmare."
