Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and all recognizable characters and situations contained therein. All original content herein is property of the author. Story is rated M and contains the recreational use of marijuana, underage drinking, adult language, and sexual content.
**Sometime after midnight BPOV**
I wake with a jolt, air filling my lungs completely for what feels like the first time in months, it's like coming back from drowning. What the fuck happened to me? I remember my boyfriend leaving me… the thought of him makes me feel like I'm going back into the fog.
Shaking my head violently, I take deep breaths, focusing on the feeling of the air inflating my lungs. My stomach growls loudly, and I gingerly move to the edge of the bed. My legs have gotten very skinny, I gasp at the feeling of the cold floor beneath my feet.
I know I've been up and down today, there's crusts from a sandwich on a plate on my dresser so I've eaten something today. Making my way across the hall I go in the bathroom and flip the switch, wincing and shutting my eyes against the burning brightness of the light.
I make my way to the toilet by touch, and I sit on the closed lid with my head leaning on my arm as I try to adjust. I feel like I've been dead for God only knows how long, I've lost weight, maybe as much as ten more pounds by the feel of it. I remember being with Charlie for the week between Christmas and New Years.
I remember going to school, and meeting...him. I remember being excited to hang out with him. Bits and pieces come to me, mostly being in his car, feeling foggy but still somehow there. Summer vacation …damn, I know I passed my classes somehow. I have no idea how because I don't remember them, but I know I did pass.
The day school let out for summer vacation. I remember going into the woods with him, then blackness, and then eyes, silver eyes staring into my own. Beyond that, I can't remember anything. Maybe it's a blessing.
Standing up I open my eyes, the light isn't so intense anymore. Wincing I get my first look at myself. My hair is matted, there are deep purple shadows below my eyes, my cheeks have a gaunt hollowed look to them. Overall I look like shit. I need to eat something.
Making my way carefully down the stairs, I move towards the kitchen. Charlie is eating dinner, probably just home from a shift, my voice is cracking, and barely there as I say, "Hey, Dad."
He jumps, and turns to face me, shock and upset clear on his face. He snaps at me, "Hey, Dad? That's what you have to say to me? Bella I've been worried sick about you! I thought you were on heroin! I had you tested for drugs! It's been over a week since you've been out of your room! You didn't speak, you barely ate, Jesus girl, you look like shit. The Dr. said you were faking!"
A week. I lost a week, and months before that. The tears begin to stream down my face, and I sink down into a chair, "I don't know what happened to me! I feel like I was in a fog for months!"
Charlie looks at me skeptically, "Ok. Look I don't know what happened, but you weren't on drugs. Maybe you had a mental breakdown, Dr. White thinks that because you continued to take care of your most basic needs on your own that you were faking it. Maybe he's wrong. Either way, it seems you've pulled out of it now. That's good. Look your mother doesn't need to know about this does she?"
I shake my head frantically, "No! She can't. I don't want to ruin her journey. I'm okay now, I think I'm going to be okay. I just. I'm going to make myself something to eat. Do you want anything?"
He shakes his head, "No, I need to get back down to the station. I'll see you."
I nod, "Okay. See you later."
He leaves, and I make myself a large breakfast of eggs, toast, bacon, and cereal. I eat slowly and methodically, knowing that if I eat too fast I'll get sick. I need to keep the nutrients down, I can't afford to puke the food up.
I leave my dishes in the sink and go back upstairs. I go back into the bathroom and turn the shower on, stripping off my clothes, I look at myself in the mirror, way too skinny. My ribs show, and my hip bones too, I know some girls would kill to look like this, but I feel like I look like Skeletor.
I get into the shower, and I take my time slathering myself in soap, scrubbing off a weeks' worth of grime. I wash my hair, and coat it in conditioner, hoping I can keep the last weeks or months of malnutrition from killing it any more than it has.
Rinsing off, I let the water flow over me, trying to wash away the feelings of worthlessness and self-pity.
I step out of the shower, and my eye falls on a bottle of sleeping pills by the side of the sink. I start to reach out for them, but I let my hand fall back to my side. Not tonight.
Grabbing a towel, I wrap it around myself and head back into my room. Pacing back and forth, I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. I need to get out of here.
Opening my closet, I grab the first pair of pants and shirt I can reach, and toss them on the bed. Turning, I go to the dresser and grab out a pair of panties and a bra. I put the bra on first, only to find it's now too big. That's a bummer.
I look down at my breasts, if anything they actually seem bigger, I guess it's the back band that's too loose. The shirt is a tank top style cut off, I pull it on, and it hangs a bit, but doesn't look too terrible.
I shimmy into my panties, they're a bit loose, but they stay up, so I step into the pants. The black rave pants sit low on my hips, exposing the string sides of my panties, oh well. It's after midnight, the chances of running into anyone on the street in a small town like Forks at this time of night is slim to none.
Going back to the closet, I grab out my pair of Docs, and I tuck the bottoms of my pant leg into them before doing them up. I glance in the mirror, my stomach is exposed to about 2 inches above my navel, but it's the best I can do. At least it's nighttime.
**Sam POV**
I almost lost it when I saw Bella up and moving around when I got back to Chief Swan's tonight. The relief I felt was huge. The light goes off, and I hear her moving down the stairs. Carefully, I move to the edge of the yard, I peer into her living room windows, and damn is she skinny… I can smell the remains of food, I hope it was her who ate. She's probably down to 90 pounds soaking wet, and while she's a tiny little thing, she could easily stand to gain about 20 pounds back.
Shock strikes me as the front door opens and she steps out. She walks down the street, I follow her in the cover of the forest, I'll know if she changes course, I'll be able to smell her moving away.
Careful not to let her see me, I follow her at a distance, until she comes to a small park about 5 blocks from her house. Watching from the forest I see her go into the park, and sit down on a swing.
She swings herself back and forth, scraping the soles of her boots in the gravel below her. Her face is tilted up towards the moon, the light plays off her almost vampire pale skin and makes her look ghostly as a smile breaks across her face.
The higher she goes, the bigger her smile gets until she bursts out laughing as she flies crazily back and forth. Just when I think it can't get any more dangerous, she jumps off the swing at the highest point, my heart stops as she flies through the air. Holy fucking shit, she's gonna break her leg easily!
I start to move forward not even caring if I'm going to be naked as I phase back to human, I run towards the tree line, but before I can break it a guy runs from the opposite side of the park and catches her before she crashes.
I heave a sigh of relief, the wolf however lets out a small snarl as this stranger cradles what is his.
**Bella POV**
I launched myself off the swing at the highest point, I laughed as I flew through the air, the feeling of freedom that surrounded me as I started falling back to earth was heady, and just as I thought I would feel the pain of crashing down on the gravel surface of the park it happened.
Two strong wiry arms catch me easily, and a rough male voice chastises, "You crazy or somethin' girl? You coulda broke your pretty neck jumpin' from that high!"
My eyes open as he sets me back on my feet, and I take in my 'rescuer'. He's tall, pale skinned like me, probably at least 6'2, skinny, but with a wiry strength to him that surprises me, he has brown hair tied back in a ponytail and blue eyes. His face is thin, good looking even though he has acne which means he can't be all that much older than me, though most of it is covered by a scraggly beard.
I take a step back, taking in his army fatigue jacket covering a superhero t-shirt and a pair of khaki cargo pants. There's a backpack on his back and his sneakers have holes in them, I can't even help myself as I blurt out, "Are you homeless?"
He smiles, "No. I'm just not interested in home. Especially when my parents decided to move to this hick town from New York at the end of last summer. My names Jesse, Jesse Collins. Yours?"
I smile back, "Bella. Bella Swan. So how old are you Jesse Collins from New York?"
He gives me a once over, "Nineteen. You?"
I walk back over to the swings and he follows me, waiting for my answer. I sit back down on the swing I jumped from, and he sits down on the one next to it, as I say, "Seventeen. I'll be eighteen in September."
He starts to talk when 3 other guys come from the other side of the playground, "Yo Jesse! What you doin?"
Jesse rolls his eyes, "My entourage. Bella Swan, meet Damien Knight, Tommy Shallow, yes that is his real last name, and Mike O'Toole. Guys, this is Bella Swan."
They all nod their heads at me, and Jesse goes on, "We all go to Havenwood Preperatory Academy in Hunts Point, and we all have to repeat our senior year this coming fall. The other guys' parents all pretty much freaked about having to pay another year of pricy tuition. My parents on the other hand are both out of the country until next December, and quite frankly money is the least of their concerns, and so the guys are crashing with me. So, you wanna tell me what a pretty little thing like you is doing out so late?"
His tough guy accent makes me laugh a little, I feel alive for the first time in months, the first time since I moved to this shithole really. I know this feeling probably won't last, but I'm going to make the most of it while it does.
Smiling, I reply, "Well I just spent the last week in the grip of a psychological episode. I woke up about an hour ago, and felt like I was going to jump out of my skin if I didn't get the fuck out of there. I remembered seeing this place a few months back, so I walked up here."
He laughs, "I like you kid, you should hang with us. You toke?"
Looking at him skeptically, I ask, "You mean like weed?"
Jesse nods, "Yeah, herb, pot, dope, the wacky tobaccy, Mary Jane, the sweet leaf, the good herb, the sweet sweet cheeba, you know, marijuana."
I laugh, "I've never tried it, but I bet it'd drive my Police Chief dad insane!"
He smirks, "Yeah, it probably would. So you down?"
Nodding, I reply, "Yeah I think I am."
He nods back at me, "Cool.", then turns to address the guys, "Alright, let's head back to my place. I got a l all set to go in my room."
**Sam POV**
The tall guy wraps his arm around Bella's shoulders, and they head out of the park towards the parking lot. Following, I see them get into a black Dodge Charger SRT, black with bright blue racing stripes. Flashy.
The wolf is jealous... we snarl as we start to go after the car, "Sam!"
Jared's voice invades my thoughts, and I stop in my tracks, as he thinks at me, 'I guess you really did Imprint… It's stronger in wolf form, you know, because ultimately, he's the one who chose her for you.'
Rolling my eyes, I sigh internally, 'Well that's peachy. You've got patrol. I'm going home.'
The wolf wants to keep going after Bella, but I clamp my will down hard and run back home to La Push. I'm going to have to deal with this. She needs time though. Maybe making some new friends will be good for her. Even if it is pretty clear that that Jesse guy doesn't just want to be friends…
Running into my own yard I phase back, pull my shorts on quickly, and make my way through the back door into my apartment in the basement of my mom's house. Stripping down I flop on the bed. I had helped get her through the darkness, maybe it's foolish, or narcissistic to think that I did it, that I somehow spiritually reached into Bella's mind and brought her out of it, but I do.
At least I know she likes tall guys, prep school boy is at least 6'3, so hopefully she won't be intimidated by my 6'5 frame when we do eventually meet when she's not half frozen and in the grips of a mental breakdown.
My mom opens the door at the top of the stairs, "Samuel! You down there?"
I call back, "Yeah Ma, just got back!"
She replies, "Okay! Glad you're safe!"
The door shuts, and I very faintly hear her footsteps above me as she makes her way back to the room she shares with my stepfather, his name is Steve Overman, he's a white man from North Dakota. Mom met him while on vacation in Seattle. He was there on business. They got married 6 months later, and he moved in here because his job is all done over the internet anyway. He's an okay guy, a real tech nerd, but an okay guy. It doesn't hurt any that he pisses himself if I so much as frown at him.
I moved down here, and sound proofed the room as best I could, one because when it happened I was 17 and had a sex life, and I wanted to be polite, and two because the last thing I wanted to hear was my mom having sex with her new boyfriend and then husband. Just thinking about it gives me the fucking chills. Makes me shudder.
These days though mostly it was for reason number two. After I wolfed out I had to add a secondary layer of insulation, thank god it had worked. Mom knows what I am, Steve just thinks I'm a nudist… He had seen me coming out of the forest naked one day after patrol, I had to tell the guy something.. nudist Native dude communing with nature seemed like it would go over better than, Steve I'm a werewolf. I mean I didn't want him to bug out and leave my mom.
**Bella POV**
The guys in the backseat have a bottle of vodka, they pass it to me, and I take a gulp out of it, hissing as it burns it's way down, "Holy shit that burns!"
Mikey, the blonde speaks up, "I think you found yourself a cherry, Jesse!"
Jesse rolls his eyes, "Back off, Mikey."
Damien, who goes by Dami, tells me, "Don't mind Mikey, Bella. He doesn't have a filter, he's the conspiracy theorist douchebag of our group."
Tommy scoffs, and pushes his wavy red hair out of his eyes, "What does that make you Dami? Goth avenger?"
Jesse plays peacemaker, "Come on guys, we're all friends here."
Mikey waves him off, "yeah, yeah, friends share, Jess. Friends share."
Jesse holds his gaze in the rearview, and his tone is cold, as he replies, "Not all things Mike. Keep that in mind."
He pulls off the main road on the outskirts of town, and drives up a neat little driveway with lamp posts lining both sides of it, I can't help but gasp as he pulls up in front of a beautiful house. It's very Frank Loyd Wright, it almost blends into the scenery, but the wooden glow of it is very warm and inviting, despite its large size.
Jesse catches my eye and smiles, "I'm glad you like it. They built like 3 of these really private estates out here. I think one of them was just sold recently, not like we ever socialize with the neighbors."
He parks the car, and we all head inside. An older man of about 65 greets us at the door, "Your parents called, Jesse. They said to tell you they'll try you again in the morning."
Jesse nods, "Thanks Grandpa. We'll be down in the rec room."
His grandfather nods, and heads back up the stairs. I can't help but stare at the wood and glass perfection as Jesse puts his arm around my waist and guides me through a door, down a staircase, and into a spacious basement room with a large leather couch and an even larger wall mounted flat screen television.
He guides me over to the couch, sitting, he pulls me onto his lap. I shrug as Dami sits next to us and hands me the bottle, asking Jesse, "So, what we watchin?"
I take another gulp of the bottle, before passing it to Jesse, who answers, "Hmm. How about A Nightmare on Elm Street?"
He drinks from the bottle, and puts it down on the floor next to the couch. He shifts me slightly, and opens up a small compartment in the side of the couch and pulls out what looks like an oddly shaped cigar. He sees me looking, and smiles, "This is a blunt, or an L. It's the leaf from a cigar stuffed with pot. You have to inhale like with a cigarette. Have you smoked cigarettes before?"
I nod, and lie, "Yeah, back when I lived in Phoenix."
Tommy grabs the remote and turns on the tv, setting the input he pushes a few buttons and the movie starts.
Jesse nods, and sticks the blunt in his mouth, lighting it and inhaling deeply as the end catches. He puffs it a few times, and takes a breath and holds it, passing it to me, and exhaling a column of smoke.
Putting it between my lips I suck lightly on the end, I must be doing it wrong, because Mike the jerk off laughs, "You're supposed to inhale it like a cigarette, not suck it like a cock, girl!"
The rest of the guys crack up, Jesse even can't help but laugh, sucking in an annoyed breath, my mouth fills with smoke, and I know if I start to cough I'm going to get made fun of hardcore. Fighting the urge I suck my breath down into my lungs,I try to hold it like Jesse, 1, 2, fuck.
I cough the breath out, and Jesse gently rubs my back, "You okay babe? You did real good kid! You managed to hold it before you coughed it up, that's real good! You should get used to it pretty quick."
His hand circles round my waist and rubs my stomach gently. Okay, it feels pretty good, but if it starts to move up or down we're going to have a problem… Holding my breath I watch the movie, this is an old one, still, it's pretty freaky.
I cringe into Jesse as one of the girls gets flung against a ceiling and invisible claws impale her. He tilts my face up, and tries to kiss me. I pull back, and fake a shriek, luckily the girl on screen is still getting killed so it syncs up.
I rearrange myself on Jesse's lap, edging towards his knees, and orienting myself so that I'm fully watching the movie. He thankfully takes the hint and takes the opportunity to shift me to the couch beside him, putting his arm around my shoulders, he saves face, "Sorry, couldn't see."
Smiling at him, I reply, "It's okay."
The blunt comes back around, and I take my turn, I make it to three this time before I cough. Passing it to Dami, who smiles, "Thanks."
Jesse pulls me closer, and I lay my head on his shoulder. He seems like a really nice guy, maybe I could have a little fun for once, I mean Edward never even kissed me. And he's gone. I'm single. Why not.
Still, it's not that I'm not attracted to Jesse, he's cute, he just doesn't give me those butterflies, I don't want to jump all over him. Still…maybe someday.
I feel heady,and heavy,like I'm made of dough. I don't think I could stand if I tried. Jesse smiles at me, "Good shit, right Kid?"
I nod, my eyelids getting heavy, as I say, "Yeah Jess, good shit."
**Charlie POV around 9 in the morning**
Leaving Kay's house early is imperative if I don't want to have an awkward moment with her son Embry. He's an okay kid I guess, he doesn't give Kay any trouble, but with me he's generally rude and a little stand offish. Though I guess that's to be expected.
I get in my car, and head back towards Forks. I should check on Bella. I probably shouldn't have left her last night. Kay wasn't happy, but she had promised not to interfere with me and Bella.
I probably shouldn't have forced the issue for her to move out here. She obviously needs Renee. Unfortunately, Renee is on some sort of new agey self realization trip with her new husband and won't be back in Phoenix until September.
Pulling up in front of my house, I park quickly and head into the house. There are dishes in the sink, at least she ate. Girl had looked like death warmed over, too skinny too. I head up the stairs and knock on her door.
I wait a minute, but get no answer, knocking again, I yell, "I'm not dealing with much more of your fucking silent treatment Bella! You got dumped, grow up! Get over it!"
Knocking harder, the door opens, and I step into the room, "Well shit."
This probably isn't good. Where the fuck would she go? I check the closets. Nope, her shits all there, so she didn't run away. I head downstairs, this really isn't good. I'm goin to have to go look for her. Where would she go? Fuck. I don't even know where the Cullen's lived. I know they moved, but maybe she would go there.
The sound of tires on gravel comes from the driveway, and I go out on the porch. As I watch my daughter climbs out of a black SRT with bright blue stripes. She stumbles along the walkway, and the SRT backs out of the driveway and guns it up the block.
I watch incredulously as my daughter sways in front of me. Her voice is slurry as she greets me with the sharp sting of alcohol on her breath as she says, "Morning Ch, Dad."
Sighing, I ask, "Are you drunk?"
She giggles, "Yup. I am drunk. And guess what?"
She doesn't give me time to guess though as she blurts out, "I'm stoned too! Isn't today great!"
Shaking my head, I snap at her, "Keep your voice down! Get in the house young lady, and stay there. I don't want to see you in that SRT again."
She snorts as she brushes past me, "Okay, I'll make sure you don't Daddy. Have a great day. I'll see you later I guess."
**Bella POV**
I woke up groggy and with a pounding headache on Jesse's couch wrapped in a blanket with his arm draped over me. Nothing had happened, All of us ended up passing out from the weed and alcohol. It was a fun night.
Jesse explained that the reason Nightmare on Elm Street was truly the scariest movie of all time even with Robert Englund's campy Freddy antics was that every town in America has an Elm Street. Every single one, even Forks. Ironically in Forks, Elm Street was the name of the street the school was on.
Walk of shaming right in Charlie's face had made the night complete. As I trudge upstairs though the emotional overload starts to come down on me. By the time I walk in my door, tears are starting to stream down my face. I let it wash over me as I take my shoes off. Stripping down I go to my drawer and pull an undershirt out, pulling it on and jumping into the bed.
Holding my pillow tight I let the tears flow out of me. I refuse to fall apart in front of people anymore. I'd rather they think I was out of control and a troublemaker, than self-destructive and falling apart. Eventually I'll get over this, eventually I'll be back in Phoenix with my mom and I won't have to deal with Charlie except for a phone call every now and then, though probably not even that.
Still I promised Mom I would try, so I guess I should. Maybe tomorrow.
**Sam POV**
I lay in the tree line in Bella's yard, I can smell her tears from here. Typical Chief Swan left as soon as Bella had gotten into the house. He's too blind to see that she wants him to care.
Her name runs through my mind as I edge closer to the window. I wish I could help her. Jared interrupts me, 'It's too soon man. You need to let her get through this. Let her get through it in her own way in her own time. When the time is right for you guys, you'll know.'
I respond, 'I guess you're right. She needs to stand on her own two feet. I think that's why our imprint is the way it is. We're not ready for it. She's not ready for it.'
I phase back to human pull on my shorts, and hop into one of the trees just on the edge of the yard, I can see in her window from here, but she wouldn't see me and get freaked out about it if she looked out.
Her window is open and she shivers slightly as sleep overtakes her. I had opened her window when I was here after she left the park. I didn't touch her stuff, I didn't go through her things, I sat in the rocking chair in her bedroom with both windows and her bedroom door open. I wasn't being a stalker, I just couldn't stand the thought of her still inhaling leech smell and pheromones or whatever.
She turns over in her sleep, hugging her pillow to her as she mumbles, "Silver eyes. Blue is nice, but Silver…."
She trails off, and I can't help but smile, she does remember me, if only in her dreams. It's enough for now. Satisfied that she's okay, and not in any imminent danger, I drop out of the tree, phase, and make my way through the forest, and back home.
A/N: Jesse and his friends are all fictional, any resemblance to any person anywhere is purely coincidental. I hope Sam's not coming off as a major creeper, he really isn't! I'm glad everyone so far seems to be liking this story, thank you all for reading!
