Caroline didn't hear anything from Kate the next day, but reasoned that she'd had a late night. When it got to 2pm, Caroline decided to text her instead. She was pleased with herself for taking the initiative to text first.
"I hope all your friends got off okay."
"They did. Thank you."
Caroline chewed her bottom lip, waiting for the next message to come through. Kate usually sent multiple texts. When ten minutes passed and there were no more replies, Caroline typed out another message.
"I can see why you're friends with them. All very intelligent, strong women. Like myself." She waited with a smile, wondering if Kate would take the bait to tease her. They both knew that despite how it looked to the outside world, Caroline did not have the highest self esteem.
What she received in reply was an emoji. A smiling emoji, but an emoji. She pressed the call button next to Kate's number. "Are you being held hostage?"
"What?"
"It's the only explanation I can come up with for you using an emoji as a 41 year old woman."
Kate smiled despite the worry that had kept her up most of the night, but her voice was quiet as she just gave a gentle "sorry."
Caroline's mind didn't give her a chance to think when Kate sounded different, it just immediately allowed years of fear wash over her, years of feeling like she just didn't fit in. "..did I embarrass you last night? Did I do the wrong thing? Say the wrong-"
Kate's voice cut in, stronger now. "No. You were perfect. All my friends think you're lovely. I just… I couldn't sleep. And then I had to get up early, and I've still got marking to do."
"Can I do anything to help?"
"No. I'm just going to have a bath, have some dinner, and then go to bed to do the marking. I will see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay."
"..Caroline?"
"Mm?"
The silence extended on for so long that Caroline pulled the phone away from her ear to make sure neither of them had accidentally hung up.
"You remember the first night you and the boys stayed at my house, and you and Lawrence had that talk?"
"Yes?"
"I think you're the best thing since sliced bread, too."
Caroline smiled now, her panic ebbing.
Monday mornings were usually somewhat of a relief to Caroline. The beginning of a structured work week, the jumble of the weekend over and done with for a few days.
Today, though, she was tired and had spent a good portion of her usual getting ready time completely zoned out. She had a nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach that something bad was going to happen.
It happened at lunch time.
"Hi." Came a quiet greeting, Kate peeking around the door. "No Beverley?"
"I think she's gone off for some peace and quiet. It's been a busy day." Caroline offered as she looked up.
"..I did want a word, but I can come back, or perhaps we can talk tonight. Or tomorrow."
"Come in." Caroline slid off her glasses and pinched her nose. The hot ball of dread had become a raging inferno.
Kate edged into the room and then sat on the edge of the chair in front of her boss, back straight.
"…you're making me nervous." Caroline accidentally admitted out loud.
Kate smiled at this, reaching across the desk briefly to squeeze Caroline's hand. Then she left it there, thumb stroking back and forth over soft skin. "I just.. don't know how to say this without worrying you that it's because of you."
Caroline let out a shaky sigh and looked down at the desk.
"... I've decided that this holiday I'll go and see my mum. And I know what you're like. You'll worry you did something wrong on the weekend and I'm going to get away from you, but you'd be wrong. You were just who I needed you to be."
"..the whole holidays? Two weeks?"
Kate nodded, studying the bent head before her.
"..that's in a week."
"I know. It's the only time our time off matches up until December and..well, I miss her."
Caroline toyed with her pen, and then suddenly the glasses were on and the walls were up. "I'm sure she will appreciate spending time with you."
"Caroline." Kate admonished softly. "Don't be like that. Don't. It's two weeks. I want to see my mum. I only have my dad here and he didn't even recognise me last time I went."
Carolines face softened then, feeling guilty. She hadn't asked how it had been last time Kate went, having gone on some rant about her own mother. Again. "Sorry." She offered quietly. "I'm just..I had a feeling all morning something bad was going to happen. And I think this is it. I know it's selfish, but when you're around I feel..right. I feel like I can breathe. Two weeks without you terrifies me."
"You can still call me." Kate offered gently, her hand turning Caroline's over to hold it properly.
"..maybe it will do me good. Some time alone?"
Kate didn't look convinced. Caroline didn't feel convinced.
Kate reminded herself repeatedly of her friend's words. She needed time away from Caroline. Time to take stock and work out what she needed, and whether it was fair on either of them for her to be hoping that might one day come from Caroline.
"Where's kate?"
"Hmm?" Caroline asked. The last week had been spent in the exhausting panic of the final week of term. Caroline had barely slept, and hadn't had much time at all to think about being away from Kate for a fortnight.
Not that that stopped her adding a flight tracker app to her phone.
"Where's kate? Lawrence told me she's left on holiday this morning." Celia repeated, reminding Caroline of the thing she didn't want to think of.
When Celia got no reply, she said, "I was surprised she didn't ask you for a lift to the airport."
"I offered. She said no."
"The jeep not good enough for her?" Celia asked indignantly.
Caroline relived the moment she asked Kate one evening after the end of term concert. "No." Kate had said outright. Then she added quietly," I don't want to cry in public."
Caroline was briefly startled by this admission. No one could miss her enough to cry.
"It's only two weeks. We've.." Caroline had been about to say they had spent that time apart before, but she quickly realised they hadn't. Last holidays they spent almost every day together. The longest they'd gone apart was 26 hours.
"Exactly. So, we will say goodbye on Friday night. Okay?"
"You're awfully bossy since you conducted the perfect school concert."
Kate had given a wide smile then, and Caroline found herself enveloped into one of those rare, peaceful moments that occurred when Kate hugged her.
"She didn't want to cry in public."
"Why would she cry?!"
"Because some people like me enough to miss me, mum!"
"She will miss the cushy car trips and the invites to-"
"Me, mum. Kate said she will miss me." Caroline snapped, standing. "Did you want something?"
"I just came to say hello and tell you I'm back."
"Good. Fine. Okay. Hello." Caroline left the room.
Friday
"Hi."
Kate didn't lift her head from her marking, but smiled. "Hi."
Caroline sashayed into the room and sat on the edge of one of the empty desks, legs crossed at the ankles and eyes surveying the room. "..I've got to do a tour with the new teachers starting next term in an hour."
"Is my room not up to scratch, dr elliot?"
Caroline smiled now. "No. Kate." She extended the name somehow. Caressed it. She had been doing it for weeks. Kate thought about it too often. "I just thought you might like to survey the fresh meat, as I heard Mr Dobson referring to them earlier."
"For cupboard kissing, you mean? I wouldn't dare. Every time I go into a cupboard recently the head mistress sticks her head in a moment later, eyebrows raised."
Caroline smiled. "Once. And I did actually think you were in there alone."
"Trying to catch me alone in a cupboard, Caroline. People will talk."
This seemed to render Caroline mute, and she sat there with her lips parted, no words coming out.
"…have you had any idea what we can do tonight?"
"I've tried not to think about it." Caroline admitted. They both knew why.
"Goat yoga?"
"I'm not sending you off to your mum with goat poo pellets in your hair." Caroline smiled a little, standing. "Come over. I'll make your favourite for dinner. The boys will want to say goodbye, too."
"The boys will want to give me a huge list of things for me to get them while I'm away. I'm going to have to take an empty suitcase to fit it all in."
"..there is this book, from a small publisher, that-"
"Out, Elliot." Kate stood up and ushered her from the room. Relenting, she offered "add it to their list and I'll see what I can do."
…
"That one there."
"Stop it, Michael. They're new colleagues, not conquests for you." Kate grumbled as the new staff were led into the staffroom to be introduced. She was surprised to see the deputy and not the head mistress leading them. But then suddenly she saw her walk into the room. Blue eyes scanned the room, and when they came to rest on Kate, there was a smile.
There is someone there I would like to kiss in a cupboard, Caroline. It's you.
A stomach full from dinner and a glass of wine in hand, Kate relaxed on the couch, eyelids beginning to feel heavy. "It's not as long as I expected."
"Hmm?" Caroline asked from where she sat on the other end of the couch trying to study every nuance of her friends face so she wouldn't forget a thing. "Two weeks is an age. Two weeks is long enough to fall in love. You might never come back."
Startled, Kate's eyes opened fully and stared into blue. "I mean the list the boys made. Caroline-"
"Oh. I made them remove some of the more ridiculous things." Caroline looked down.
"Caroline.. it takes me a lot longer than two weeks to fall in love. And months longer to realise it. I will be back in two weeks."
"But what if-"
"I love my mum. I want to see my mum. But she is living her life, and I am living mine. My life is here. My dad is here. My house is here. My friends are here. My..I know this probably sounds very weird, but your boys are here. Because I love your boys, Caroline. I love seeing them growing into the men they will become. And I wouldn't miss seeing that for the world. I will be back in two weeks."
Caroline seemed to be rendered speechless again, only giving a nod as her eyes brimmed with tears. Kate wished she could read her better. She wished she could tell what was going on inside her head.
"I'll miss you." Whispered.
"I will miss you, too." Kate replied.
"..but you'll come back to me?"
"I will always come back to you." Kate admitted.
They sat on the sofa in silence for a long time that night, until Kate said she would need to go home and pack, her flight early the next morning.
"Are you sure I can't take you?" Caroline asked again as Kate put her jacket on by the door.
Kate smiled sadly. "I'll see you in two-"
For the first time, Caroline initiated a hug. It was a tight hug, her face buried in the shoulder of Kate's jacket and her arms around her waist. Kates arms slowly moved around her shoulders and held her just as tightly, breathing in the smell of her hair.
"Bye. Caroline finally offered, her voice full of emotion as she stepped away.
"Bye." Kate reached out and touched Caroline's cheek briefly before she left the house.
She waited until she was in her car before bursting into tears.
Caroline slid down onto the seat beside the door, buried her head into her hands and wept, a part of her driving away into the cold, dark night.
