How are you?" Richard was quick to climb out of his car, eyes on his ex-wife.
"You two know each other?" Roxy asked.
When Richard took another step toward Kate, Caroline took a step forward to block his way. "I don't think now is the time, do you?"
Richards' eyes focused on Caroline for a moment, then looked toward Kate again. "Kate-"
A quiet sob escaped Kate's lips, and she put one hand over her mouth and one against her middle.
"Kate-" Richard stepped forward again.
Unsure quite what was going on, William still stepped up beside his mother to stop him going any closer to Kate.
"It's late. Now is not the time." Caroline said more firmly.
"What's going on?" Roxy asked quietly.
Richard turned to glance at his daughter, then back at his ex-wife. "…Roxy is adopted, Kate. I did..I did the tests. It was me. I haven't got… it was my fault."
Kate swallowed a few times, eyes not lifting from the ground. "Why? Why did you have the test?"
"Lesley had a miscarriage, too."
Kate nodded, finally lifting her eyes angrily. "4. I lost 4 children and you refused to do that test. You made me feel, you told me, that it was my fault."
"Maybe..maybe it was for the best? You have Caroline and-"
"Don't you dare." Caroline's voice finally interrupted, furious. "Kate has told me countless times that she loved you, that she wanted children with you. You've just admitted it was probably your fault she lost those children, and then in the same breath you've told her it was her fault again!"
"I just-"
"I don't care. I want you to leave. Now."
"Kate, just-"
"NOW!"
Roxy jumped at Caroline's raised voice and gripped her fathers sleeve to pull him away. "Dad. Let's just go. Please."
Richard looked at Kate again as she sat slowly on the step, shaking, then nodded, turning away to climb back into his car.
Caroline stood still until the car was out of sight, then looked at William. "Go and make Kate a cup of tea, please."
William nodded, rushing inside as Caroline walked to sit on the step next to Kate.
She didn't know if Kate would appreciate her touch, and could think of nothing to say that might help, so she just sat beside her, side by side.
Finally Kate sobbed Caroline's name and allowed herself to be enveloped in a tight hug, her tears soaking Caroline's shirt as Caroline's angry tears fell into Kate's hair.
Two am and Caroline knew Kate still hadn't slept. After they'd come inside, Kate had said quietly that she was going to bed, and Caroline had left her alone for a little while. When she had finally ventured upstairs, Kate was laying on top of the bed, on her side, still fully dressed.
Caroline still had absolutely no idea what to do, though she desperately wanted to fix the situation, and instead did what she had so often wanted someone to do. Something she was good at. She took over. She slipped the shoes off Kate's feet and massaged them, then slowly undressed her, before slipping one of her own tshirts over Kate's head.
Kate watched all this silently, eyes still on Caroline as she got a warm wash cloth and gently removed Kate's make up. "…I love you."
Caroline smiled, stroking her cheek. "I love you, too."
Now it was 2am, and Caroline had slept briefly with Kate curled into her side, but she knew her girlfriend hadn't so much as closed her eyes. "Kate-"
"Was I not good enough? Not worthy enough, Caroline? Why was it ok for me to lose 4 of his children, but her only 1 before he even decided to set aside his stupid male pride? Was I not a good enough wife? Did I not do what I was supposed to? Was it how I behaved, or was it just me? Am I, was I, born to be someone of no importance to the world?"
Caroline reached out for her in the dark, pulling her close again, glad when she came willingly. "Kate… you are important. Not just to me, but to the boys, to all the children at school who come to me every year in tears because they've been put in the other class when they want to be in yours. Hundreds, thousands, of people will remember you for the rest of their lives. Because you are kind, you're selfless, you're strong, and you are..you. And that's the biggest compliment I think anyone can be given, to be compared to you. I can't pretend to understand why Richard did what he did, and I am…furious doesn't even cover it. I don't know how to make it better. I wish I did. I would do anything to take away any pain you've ever felt."
Kate was so touched by words spoken so fiercely from a woman who rarely spoke from her heart that she reached out and kissed Caroline, then snuggled into her tight hold again.
William looked warily at his mother when she entered the kitchen the next morning and poured herself a coffee without speaking. After taking a sip, she glanced up at her son and then gave a tired smile, walking over to give him a hug. "Don't look so worried. No one is cross with you. Or with Roxy. No one is going to stop you seeing her."
"Is Kate okay? I didn't know…"
"I know you didn't. No one did." Caroline kissed his hair and then moved to sit beside him so she could drink her coffee. "As for Kate..I don't know. She will be. It was just a shock."
"…did he really tell her it was her fault? That's horrible."
"People can be unkind when they're hurting." Caroline began, then shushed her son when they heard someone walking down the stairs.
When Kate entered the kitchen a few moments later, she offered the pair a small smile and made for the coffee.
"Good Morning!" Came an enthusiastic call as the front door opened.
"Oh god." Caroline groaned.
Kate abandoned her coffee making and took Caroline's from her hands then disappeared into the study just as John entered the room.
"Good morning! How is everyone on this glorious day?"
Caroline got up without a word and went to finish making the coffee Kate had started. William just grunted and went back to eating his cereal.
"Hi, popsicle." Lawrence called as he thundered down the stairs. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to announce that I have found a new abode! I thought we could all pop in on the way to school."
"I'm not going." Caroline was quick to offer.
"I'm going in with mum." William immediately replied.
"Just me and you then, pops. Maybe we can go through a drive-thru on the way?"
"I think that can be arranged."
"He will need to be at school on time." Caroline warned as Lawrence raced off to get his bag.
"Yes, I know. I have done the school run before, in case you've forgotten." John rolled his eyes.
"Ready pops? Bye ma." Lawrence slung his bag over his shoulder.
"Well…at least he didn't stay for long this time." Caroline offered as soon as the front door shut again and they heard John's car start up. New coffee in hand, she walked toward the office to tell Kate the coast was clear.
It was midday when the email came. Caroline had been trying to work through the backlog of emails so they'd be clear for the weekend when the name 'Richard' popped up on her screen.
'Caroline,
I'm sorry to reach out this way, but Roxy isn't speaking to me, and I didn't think it appropriate to just show up at your home.
"No shit, Sherlock." Caroline mumbled to herself.
I was hoping you would talk to Kate for me, and ask her to meet me, or at least pass on my email so we can talk. I was just as surprised as she was last night, and I'm afraid I didn't explain myself well, or kindly.
I did have tests, when Kate and I were together, but they were as inconclusive as hers. I stupidly thought if I didn't mention them to her then she might hold out some hope. Hope was all we had, because nothing else had helped. I understand she might not believe that now, but I do have the paperwork that I can show her.
What I meant last night was that I had further, invasive testing when Lesley miscarried. I had genetic testing, and had to give sample after sample of just about everything.
"Cry me a river." Caroline folded her arms.
I realise now that I could have saved Kate a lot of heartache and fear and pressure if I had reached out then to tell her that she would probably be able to have a child with someone else. But I was angry, I was disgusted with myself and my inability to be the man people wanted.
Please pass this on to her, and tell her I have more, so much more, that I want to talk to her about. I love Kate. I've always loved her. I made terrible choices because I was hurting, but all I did was hurt her even more, and I will never forgive myself for that.
Richard.'
Caroline read the email twice, then pressed her intercom. "Beverley, can you please ask Ms Mc..Kate to come to my office when she's free. And when you have a moment I would love some more coffee, please."
…
"Hi."
Caroline lifted her head, surprised to see the smile Kate wore. She quickly returned it. "Hi."
"Beverley brought me a cup of coffee and a biscuit, and I heard the new Maths teacher ask someone if Beverley and I are a couple."
"Poor Paul. Did you set her straight?"
"What, 'sorry, no I'm not sleeping with the heads PA, I'm sleeping with the actual head, who also happens to be a raging lesbian. Welcome to the school.' That sort of conversation?" Kate smiled as she went to sit down, but Caroline stopped her.
"I don't think I'm a raging lesbian. Well, not on a weekday."
"I distinctly remember some rather fabulous cunnilingus last Wednesday night. That was very midweek raging lesbian of you." Kate pointed out.
"I see my language teacher is back in top form." Caroline laughed.
"Just wondering if you were planning a repeat any time soon?"
"I'm sure it can be arranged. Today, if you really can't wait."
Kate smiled, and for a moment Caroline didn't want to tell her about the email. But she couldn't hold back information that Kate deserved to know. She couldn't be like Richard. "But firstly, I did call you in here for a reason. Other than to discuss my raging lesbianism. I've had an email."
Kate's smile faltered now, knowing exactly who it would be from. "Richard."
"I suppose I'm more accessible to contact than you. You don't have to read it, I can delete it, or I can reply and tell him to eff off?"
This brought Kate's smile back a little and she replaced Caroline in the chair, the blonde moving to rest against the edge of the desk.
Kate read in silence, and when she was done she sat back, wrapping both hands around her coffee mug. "…he's only telling me now because of Roxy. Otherwise he never would have tried to find me."
"You don't owe it to him to meet, Kate. You owe him nothing."
"William called me his step-mum yesterday, did you notice?"
"No." Caroline admitted.
"I'll think about it. I'll reply and tell him I will think about it. And he had better not pester William about it. Or Roxy for that matter." Kate clicked on reply, but left the cursor blinking. "…it's good news really, isn't it? I suppose. It means if we…"
"But it's okay to be hurt, to be sad, for all the time you were frightened, for all the times you yearned for something you felt you would never have. That's what you've taught me. It's okay to be happy but still feel pain from the past."
Kate smiled again, finally looking up at Caroline. "You're magnificent."
"Because I learned from the best. You." Caroline said gently, touching Kate's cheek.
"Will you reply for me?" At Caroline's nod, Kate moved up to kiss her, then allowed herself to be held in the same protective, tight hug she had been held in last night.
