A/N: I'm thinking of doing something similar to Chocolate Selection Box again, because this story has spawned so many other mini stories in my mind! I hope you're still all enjoying this story, and thank you to everyone who leaves review!
Caroline always had so many plans on the weekend, her days scheduled just like her work days, and yet here she was at 11am on a Saturday sitting on the couch in Kate's living room staring out the window as they cuddled.
"Why are you here?"
"Hmm?" Caroline's hand stilled where it had been toying with Kate's hair.
"Why are you here?"
Caroline pulled away a little from the embrace they had been in for the last hour. "Do you want me to go?"
"No." Kate immediately reached out for her, curling herself back into Caroline's torso to rest against her once more. "I just wondered why you're…here. At 11am on a Saturday."
"Because you are?" Caroline answered simply, still confused.
"Usually your weekend days are so full of things, though. Sport, movies, shopping, spa, reading…"
"Sport with Lawrence, movie with William, spa with you. I make time for everyone, I don't really mind what we do. Today, my Kate time is being spent holding you on the couch listening to the rain."
Kate lifted her head to gaze at Caroline. "…you're perfect."
"I'm not. I still panic all the time. I let go of your hand when I should keep holding it. I introduced you as a very good friend to the real estate agent, who was quite obviously the gayest person ever in existence and he wouldn't have batted an eyelid if I'd said girlfriend. And I've-"
Caroline was cut off by Kate kissing her.
"Take the compliment, Elliot."
"Dawson."
"Hmm?"
"I've filed for divorce, and I'm going to revert to my maiden name. Dawson." Caroline looked suddenly very interested in the thread work on the cushion next to her.
Kate stared at Caroline in silence for so long that finally the blonde lifted her eyes. As soon as their eyes met, Kate kissed her deeply.
...
"What are you doing?" Kate pouted when Caroline stood up and pulled on the silk robe that had been laying on the table. "No. No, no, no. Come back." Kate reached out, but Caroline caught her hand with a laugh, threading their fingers together briefly before she moved away.
"I'm going to make breakfast. It's already midday."
"I can help?" Kate offered, slipping out from under the blanket to walk very confidently and very nakedly toward the kitchen.
Caroline wondered just where this sudden libido had come from, because she had never felt like this before. Even if she could have Kate whenever and wherever she wanted, it felt like it would never be enough.
"Coming?" Kate asked from the doorway, a smile on her face that said she knew exactly what effect she was having.
Caroline was getting more mortified every second. Their second viewing of the house with the same estate agent, and every second sentence she heard herself being referred to as something different. Girlfriend. Lover. Boss. Best friend. But at least Kate was back to being in a teasing mood, even if it was at her expense.
"And lastly, this is the garden. Do either of you garden?"
"My future wife dabbles."
Caroline stilled and turned wide blue eyes at Kate as she continued to chat to the estate agent.
When he left them to it, going to find the boys to see if they had any questions, Kate finally looked at Caroline. "What?"
"Did you..Kate, you-"
"We have talked about it, Caroline?"
"I know, but…"
"Have you changed your mind?"
"You know I haven't. I just.. I want to be married to you, but I don't want to wish away any time. Right now, I'm the happiest I've ever been."
Kate's face softened and she approached her girlfriend. "…I think love is turning you soft."
Caroline let out a surprised laugh and slid her hand down to take Kate's, pulling her out to look at the rest of the garden.
"We have to say yes as a family."
"So if I say no, we won't buy it?" Lawrence questioned over the restaurant table.
"You'd have to provide valid points, but yes."
"I vote yes." William offered. "I like it."
"Ok. Lawrence?" Caroline looked again at her youngest.
"Can I paint my room black if we move there?"
"No."
"You can't paint your room black now, either." William pointed out.
"…I vote yes. It's closer to angus' anyway."
"Right, ok. Two yeses. Kate?"
Kate had become very quiet since Roxy had joined them for dinner. Caroline had been holding her hand under, and then on top of the table since they'd arrived.
"Yes."
"It's on you then, ma. Deciding vote!" Lawrence began a drumroll.
"I'll call the agent in the morning and put in an offer." Caroline smiled as the boys immediately began planning how they'd set up their rooms, not arguing for once.
"William told me you've got a proper piano at your house. I bet that will sound fantastic in the front room with all those high ceilings." Roxy smiled warily at Kate.
"I imagine it will." Kate nodded. Knowing roxy was trying to make an effort, she added, "you can try it out when it's all set up, if you like."
"I'd love that." Roxy smiled. "Dad taught me how to-" she stilled, suddenly embarrassed. "Sorry."
"It's fine." Kate replied tersely.
Roxy glanced at Caroline who could only give her a reassuring smile as she squeezed Kate's hand.
…
When they reached Caroline's house that evening, the kids raced inside but Kate hung back.
"I think I might go to my place, Caroline."
"What? Why?" Caroline turned to her in confusion as Kate lingered near her own car. "If it's Roxy, she won't be here long, and I've said I'll give her a lift home."
Kate shook her head. "I have a lot of marking to do tomorrow, and I thought I might see my dad early, so it's…easier."
Caroline studied the bent head, trying to push down the panic that reared. They had just agreed to buy a home together, kate would hardly be going to suddenly split up with her. "Ok. Well…call me if you need me. Or you can come here. I'll be here all day." Caroline approached the brunette and reached for her hand, but Kate stepped back toward the car, leaning forward to give a chaste kiss to her cheek.
"I will see you on Monday."
Caroline watched until the car was out of sight, her heart sinking.
..
Caroline texted Kate repeatedly that evening, and the next morning, feeling ridiculous when Kate gave one word answers or no answers at all. She repeatedly reminded herself that they had agreed to buy a home together, kate was not going to suddenly decide that Caroline wasn't worth the effort.
It was midday when it suddenly hit Caroline. She was going to meet Richard. Kate was shutting down and protecting herself in just the way Carolone would have done.
"Mum? Where are you going?" Lawrence asked as a make up free mother rushed past him and grabbed the car keys. "Mum?"
"I don't know." Was all she replied.
It took her 3 cafes before she stumbled upon them, glad her assumption that kate would want it to happen in a neutral place was correct.
They were sitting by the window and Kate was nursing a cup of tea between both hands. She was wearing Caroline's cardigan.
Kate shook her head at Richard's words. "Sorry isn't good enough. Sorry is for when you make a mistake, sorry doesn't cover years of causing intentional pain. And it was intentional, Richard. You knew I always wanted children, I was open about that from the start. I have spent years trying to convince myself that it is ok that I would never be a mother."
"Roxy said you and Caroline were going to try…"
"Because Caroline makes me feel…safe. She read between the lines when I told her what had happened between us, and she knew I still wanted to try. One last time, while I still could. Because time is running out for me, Richard. Men can have kids at almost any age, but it's not the same for women. Even now, even if it wasn't my fault back then, I may not be fertile enough now. So sorry doesn't cut it."
Richard stared down into his coffee cup. "I wish…I wish i had been who you needed then. I wish I hadn't been so selfish and just opened up to you. Because I loved those children too, kate. I was excited for them. I still mourn them. When I see someone of the same age I wonder what they would have been like."
Kate shook her head and brushed away a few tears on her sleeve. "I hated myself when I thought it was my fault. When you said it was my fault."
"I'm sorry, I was-"
"So I can understand you hating yourself. I get it. But you loved me, didn't you? Your email said you love me still. And yet you just..thoughtlessly caused me immeasurable pain. And I don't understand. You cheated on me, I thought, because we were going under, we were drowning in grief, and she offered you some happiness. I understood that. I didn't think it meant you loved me any less. But to finally do those tests..for her…" kate looked away to try and hold her tears at bay. Her eyes fell straight onto blue ones, watching with concern. Kate felt a rush of love for Caroline, and along with it came a feeling of calm.
"I don't hate you, Richard. I can be civil to you, for Roxy and Williams sake, but we will never be friends. And I never want to discuss this with you again, because I will never understand why you made the choices you did. If…when, caroline and I try to..I don't want you near the house. If Roxy comes over, we need someone else to pick her up, or Caroline will drop her off. I don't want you near me if I am pregnant. And I hope you can respect that."
Richard nodded, finally lifting his eyes from his cup. "…you're a strong, brave, kind woman, kate. And I know sorry isn't enough, but I will be sorry for the rest of my life."
"I would also appreciate it if you would discuss it all with Roxy. I don't want her to be afraid to mention you in my presence. She's a smart girl, and she needs to understand what happened."
Richard drew in a deep breath, then slowly released it. "Ok."
Kate nodded, picking up her bag.
She walked straight into Caroline's arms.
What Caroline had been expecting came two weeks later. She was driving to pick Lawrence up after John hadn't shown, and she had called Kate to tell her she would be late to dinner.
"I want to call Greg."
Caroline turned onto the motorway and was silent for a few beats. "I thought we were waiting for the house…"
"I want to call Greg."
"…ok."
"Is it?"
"Yes. All that really matters is that you and I are there. It doesn't really matter where, I suppose, does it. When.. when.."
"It's my birthday In two weeks. I thought maybe that weekend."
"Your birthday weekend? I've..I booked a..I've booked us a hotel for a couple of nights."
"Have you?"
Caroline could hear Kate's smile. "Yes. I suppose..I suppose I could see if..if..if you want to do it there, how exactly…"
"He would need to.."
"So..I could book another room? He could..and then he would bugger off?"
Kate gave a soft laugh. "Yes. Well, theoretically. I haven't spoken to him yet."
"…so by Christmas when your mum comes, you might..we might..a baby."
"Hopefully. If you're..ok. With it."
"Kate. Is it..is it wrong to be.."
" Nervous?"
"Aroused?"
Kate let out a burst of a laugh, surprised. "Caroline!"
"I just mean the thought of me making you..it just.."
"It's a control thing. Control always arouses you. Remember last week when you tied my hands up?"
Caroline wriggled in her seat at the memory. "Kate." She warned. "I'm hanging up now, I'm almost at Lawrence. Wait until I get there and we will call greg together."
"I love you."
"I adore you. But I'm hanging up now."
Once Caroline hung up to the sound of Kate's laugh, she took a deep breath and muttered "blimey. Shit. Don't panic, Caroline. Do not fuck this up."
Greg phoned. Plans made.
Caroline was surprisingly the calm one. It was Kate who began to panic, pacing her home and worrying about work, about the boys, about her parents. When Caroline heard her own mothers name mentioned, she finally stood up.
"Kate. Deep breath. We have spoken to everyone who is even minisculely involved. They know this is coming. We can tell them when now, or we can leave it to see if it..works."
"Leave it. I don't want..maybe we can tell the boys, because if it doesn't.. but no one else. Well, maybe my mum, too."
"Whatever you want."
"…I thought you'd be the one panicking. Having a baby at 46 isn't exactly what you'd planned for your life, is it."
"No." Caroline admitted with a smile, her hands linking with Kate's to stop her panicked hand movements. "But neither was falling in love and buying another house."
"You're sure you won't regret it? Because-"
"Regret having a beautiful baby? Regret having someone to link us together forever? Regret having another William, or Lawrence, or a little girl to call me mum? Regret being able to watch you have your dream come true? ..I can't wait." And Caroline suddenly realised the truth in that as excitement and anticipation began to fizz inside her. "So there's no need to panic. We can do this."
"Can we?"
"Yes."
"Ok? Ok." Kate nodded. "Ok. We can do this." She took a deep breath, and then a smile began to light her face. "We are going to have a baby."
"We are going to have a baby." Caroline grinned back.
