Chapter 3

"I'm so glad you're alright" Bianka said as she hugged her brother, and Nikolo willingly returned the hug. When was the last time they had hugged each other? Must've been when they were around five or so "I've missed you so much."

"Missed you too sis" he said and meant it. They hadn't been the closest, not at all despite being twins, but Nikolo did care. After coming to the conclusion that he might never be able to go home again, he had thought of them all a lot "I see you've aged a bit."

His sister looked at him in shock, but as he grinned, she scowled, pulling his ear a bit.

"Who would've thought you're still a brat" she said, making him answer with: "Who would've thought you've gotten old."

Before, Nikolo wouldn't have dared to picker childishly like this in front of his grandfather even as a teenager, but right now he felt like he didn't care, not even if he did get in trouble for this later. It had been far too long. To his surprise, his twin didn't seem to mind either, or perhaps she was just too caught up in the moment to realize who else was present. If that was the case then there'd be a fun little show ahead once she realized, he was sure.

"Boys, come say hello to your uncle" ah right, she had children. The fact was still a bit hard to accept for Nikolo. He watched as two little boys walked over, the older one probably around five years old, the younger one… around two, maybe?

"This is your uncle Nikolo" his sister introduced him "Nikolo, here is my eldest, Dominik and my youngest, Nikolo."

It took the man a moment to process what had been said as he stared at the smaller child, but then it finally clicked. His sister had named her youngest after him. It was… surprisingly sweet of her. It was a proof she hadn't stopped thinking of him during these years they'd been apart. He might have missed on a lot when it came to his family, but he'd catch up. He was sure of it.

XXXXX

"I'm home!" Sasha calls out as she rides to the yard.

"Welcome back" Kaya says as Sasha hops off her horse, preparing to walk it to the stables "Did everything go well?"

That's Kaya's way of asking if the peace is still in effect, Sasha knows. The girl is anxious about something going wrong and another war breaking out.

"Sure did, everything's according to plan!" she said cheerfully and, thankfully, truthfully "The Marleyans went back home just as agreed!"

"All of them?" Kaya asks as they walk towards the stables "Even mister Nikolo?"

"Yup" Sasha says, not surprised in the slightest that Kaya was asking. Her family knew Nikolo after all, the disastrous dinner where they had tested Nikolo's food to determine what Sasha would like the best once she finally woke up not being their only meeting. Sasha had brought him over a few times and he'd cooked for them, this time without any poisoned wines around.

Sasha shuddered at the thought. She didn't understand what Nikolo had been thinking at the time, but how could she, really? She'd never been captured by her enemies, she didn't know how such a thing could affect a person. She knew Nikolo was a good man and had just been desperate due to his situation, but she was still bothered by his actions. Especially the fact that he had invited her family to a place where they might actually end up in contact with those wine bottles.

"But he didn't mean any harm, he never did" Sasha reminded herself "He was just… lost."

That was also something she had used as a defense when she fought, together with Jean, Connie and Hanji, to keep Nikolo from getting executed. They had kept reminding the judges that Nikolo helping them in the end proved him to be someone who wished them no harm despite his earlier actions. Even so, they'd almost lost him, but fortunately Armin, informed by Jean, had marched in with cold facts and some very indirect threats to turn the tables around. Leave it to Armin to talk people out of the shit they get themselves in to.

"Sasha?" Kaya asks, making the woman jolt. Had the girl said something she hadn't heard? "Yea?"

"I asked if you're really okay with it" Sasha is puzzled, and apparently Kaya sees that as she clarifies: "With mister Nikolo leaving I mean."

"Sure" Sasha says and while it's true, it doesn't come out nearly as cheerfully as everything that she said earlier. She missed him.

"Do you think- "Kaya starts, but doesn't finish. Ushering her horse to its place, Sasha turns to look at the girl who suddenly went quiet, now looking uncertain. Blinking, she asks: "What is it, Kaya?"

"…Do you think you'll get to see him again?" she asks after hesitating a moment more. This time, Sasha's answer is firm and certain as she says: "I will."

"You will?" Kaya repeats, Sasha's certainty clearly surprising her. Sasha nods as she secures the latch, making sure that the horse doesn't get out "Yeah, I will. He promised to be back some day."

She watches Kaya blink before the girl smiles back, saying: "I see… he promised you, huh?"

Sasha knows that tone, she knows the girl is implying something, that he words have a hidden meaning, but for the life of her she couldn't catch on.

"And she's not gonna tell me if I ask"

XXXXX

Nikolo sighs as he lays down in the train's sleeping car. They should've gotten home by now, a few days ago already in fact, but there'd been trouble with the train. It's not that the trip itself bothered him; he was glad to get to take in the familiar sceneries and surroundings, glad to be with his family, but he was also eager to get home, to their house. He also wanted to see if he still had a room there, he hadn't dared to ask. It would make sense if his family had put it to other use, for even before he left to Paradis, he'd rarely been home, living at the military barracks.

That thought unintentionally took his mind back to Paradis. During the last few years, he'd gotten closer to the rest of the Levi squad instead of just Sasha. During that time, he, Jean and Connie had sometimes shared stories from their military training days. Armin joined in occasionally as well. They were all good guys; Nikolo no longer had trouble admitting it. But even so, he wouldn't have bothered to spend nearly as much time with them as he had if they weren't important to Sasha.

"Sasha…" her name rings in his ears, bringing a steady sense of calm to him, yet it fades as he remembers Grior's words "He's wrong."

There was no way the other man could've been right. After all, if his feelings were just an illusion then why would he still be thinking about her now? It was true that Sasha had, for a long time, brought him a sense of safety, but that was just a tiny part of what had drawn him to her. She had this unreasonable sense of innocence about her, especially for a soldier. She was shameless, doing the things she felt like doing without any thoughts of how it might make her look. Nikolo had never been able to decide if such way of acting should be called brave or stupid, so he had eventually settled on both. She was so beautiful, especially when she ate and that could not be said about many people. Her way of eating was rarely graceful, but it was just… enchanting, that commitment she had for her every meal. Nikolo knew that if he were to say that out loud to someone, they'd look at him like a fool, but he couldn't blame them, for it sounded foolish even to him. However, that just made him surer about his feelings. Love made people irrational, right?

"Was my promise about going back to her also irrational?" he wonders, immediately scolding himself afterwards. No, no it wasn't! He loved her, and there was nothing irrational about wanting to be with the one he loved!

That was not the irrational part. Being determined to see Sasha again is rational, but having promised it out loud to her wasn't. So many things could go wrong; what if he wasn't able to fulfil the promise? Would a part of her just keep waiting, hoping for him to keep it, or would she hate him for failing her? Or worse, would she simply forget?

"I won't let it come to that" Nikolo whispered silently to himself "I will keep my promise."

XXXXX

As much as she hates them, Sasha is used to early wake ups, so much so that she hadn't complained or denied when Kaya asked her to help cleaning the stables this morning last night. And here they were, working side by side in a comfortable silence. Sasha was more focused on wondering what her mom might be making for breakfast than on her work, but it didn't affect her results, for she was good at this. Of course, she was; she was a member of the Levi squad. In the captain's squad, you either learned to clean properly or you were out, that was a fact. Nikolo had never believed her when she told him, not even after nine years of insisting that it was true.

"Are you thinking about mister Nikolo?" Kaya suddenly asks, making Sasha's head snap up in surprise. Eyes wide, she asks: "How did you know!?"

"You had that look on your face" Kaya says, and Sasha notes that Kaya too has a peculiar look on her face, one that she has lately seen on Connie and Jean's faces way too often as well "Happy, but so sad at the same time, like you were longing for something" she pauses "Or well, someone."

Sasha blushes, a bit because of what Kaya is implying, but more so because she realizes that the girl is right; she is longing for Nikolo's presence.

"Sis?" Kaya asks, looking at the woman directly.

"Y-yeah?" Sasha stutters, still a bit shaken about how easily Kaya could read her. She can see that the girl wants to say something, probably ask something, but she's holding back "What is it, Kaya?"

"Are you in love with mister Nikolo?" the girl finally asks, and Sasha can't help but wonder if she'd heard right. Why would she ask that?

"Am I… in love with Nikolo?" she repeats, and Kaya nods. Her first instinct is to deny it, but she stops herself. What was being in love like, anyway? She loved her parents, Kaya and the rest of the kids, that was a given, but she knew love for one's own family was different than that one would have for a man. She loved Jean and Connie too, but they were also her family, just like Connie had once said. Aside from the already mentioned people, the only one she could say she loved was her roommate Mikasa; so dear she was to her. She cared about Armin and Historia very deeply too of course, had cared for Eren as well, but she wouldn't call it love… maybe? Same with the commander and the captain; as dear as they were to her, very dear, she wouldn't use the word "love." But where did Nikolo stand in this? She cared about him, she cared about him a lot and would risk her life for him if need to be, but was it just friendship, similar to what she felt towards Armin? How did one tell the difference? "How do I know if it's love or just very deep friendship?"

Sasha only realized she'd said it out loud as Kaya's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Er… I mean…" Sasha started to stutter, but had no idea what to really say "I don't know!"

Was the way she cared for him love? Was the way she missed him a sign of love? Was the fact that she'd always been so happy to see him love? When he called them devils under his breath, not that he'd done it in the last couple of years, did it hurt more than when the other Marleyans did it because she was in love? Well, whichever the case, in the end-

"It's not like it matters" she mutters as she slumps against the wall, her work forgotten "I'm an Eldian; he'd never answer my feelings even if I did have some towards him."

The clatter of something hitting the ground gets Sasha's attention, and she sees Kaya's shovel on the ground, fallen from her hands as she stares at her "sister" in what can only be called shock.

"Are you serious?" she asks.

"Huh?" is the smart reply Sasha gives, having no clue what Kaya is so shocked about. The look on the girl's face unnerves her a little.

"You mean you never noticed?" she finally asks "Really?"

"Noticed what?" Sasha asks, genuinely confused. Kaya takes a deep breath before blurting out: "Sis, mister Nikolo is in love with you!"

And Sasha can only stare at her in disbelief.

XXXXX

"You look well, son" Nikolo's father said to him "Welcome home."

"Thank you, father" was Nikolo's reply, and that was it. He felt a little bitter that his father wasn't crying even a bit or anything, but quickly realized that that would've been hypocritical, for he didn't cry either. He was glad to see his father again, but just not enough to cry, apparently. Or perhaps he had finally gotten over that irrational desire to be accepted and respected by the man, who knows.

"Where's Viktor?" he asks, wanting to see his little brother, who had probably changed the most of them all, for he'd been only nine when Nikolo had left. And now he was the same age as the soldier had been when captured. It felt surreal.

"In school, he'll be back in the afternoon" his father said, looking at the clock "Ulrich, we have to go."

"Right" said his older brother, who hadn't even taken his jacket off as they had just gotten home "See you later Nicky!"

At the very least his brother had the decency to say goodbye to him, unlike their father who just left without a word. Not that Nikolo was really that surprised.

"Nikolo honey, maybe you should rest- "

"Later" Nikolo interrupted his mother "I'll just… take a look around the house first."

He could see his mother's uncertain gaze, that she was ready to protest, but in the end the woman held her tongue, letting him do as he pleased. He was grateful for that; he wanted to see how much he could remember, how much had changed. And he wanted to do it alone, in his own space, so he started from the yard since he knew the others would start unpacking and take it easy for the rest of the morning.

At first glance, the place seemed to have changed a lot, but upon a closer look Nikolo realized it was just about the nature taking its course. All the main elements were where they used to be; it was just that the trees and bushes had grown despite being trimmed. Some of the flowers were ones he didn't recall their garden having before, not that he could be sure since he knew nothing about flowers, but they were in places he'd expect to see flowers in. The garden furniture set under the sunshade was new without a doubt, and it seemed like some changes had been made to the small fountain as well. Everything was as beautiful as it always had been though, and it made Nikolo wonder if they still had the same gardener.

"Probably, unless he messed up something big time and got fired" he reasoned with a shrug. Not that he really cared; they hadn't been close, not even friends "Still one thing I have to check."

Mind made up, Nikolo made his way to the very back of his family's property. That was where his greenhouse was, or at least, where it used to be. He wouldn't be surprised if his parents had gotten rid of it; they'd never liked his hobby of cooking, so naturally they frowned upon him raising vegetables as well.

"If it's still standing, I wonder how bad condition it's in" then again, if it really was there, maybe it wouldn't have gotten too bad, for if there was something poorly maintained in the yard, it'd make his family look bad. Nikolo knew they didn't like that "Ah, it's still standing."

And to his surprise, the place looked to be in top shape. Well, that way it certainly wouldn't ruin the view… the door wasn't bolted shut or anything either, so maybe he'd be able to get in to see what condition the place was in.

It opened with an unexpected ease and, to Nikolo's surprise, the place looked well kept. Nothing was the same as it used to be, but it was well kept anyway. There were far less different vegetables than what he'd kept there before he got too busy with the military, not to mention there were some flowers growing in pots as well, but sometimes less was more.

Nikolo examined the plants, knowing full well he was a little rusty as he hadn't been the main care taker to any plants while in Paradis, carefully checking their conditions. There were some differences between the plants, but in general all were well taken care off and there were no pests. It really made him wonder who was taking care of the place, for he doubted their gardener hat time for such delicate care, even if the greenhouse was far simpler now than it used to be.

"Is everything to your liking?" Nikolo jolted, barely holding the scream in. Hastily he turned around, seeing his grandfather. How had such a fragile old man snuck up on him, especially with that cane with him? He must've really spaced out!

"Ah, yes…" Nikolo stammered, knowing that he had to ask "Who did all this? Took care of the plants, I mean."

"The whole family did" his grandfather answered, much to his surprise "Your father insisted on it."

If the first part wouldn't have left Nikolo speechless, the second one definitely did. His father had insisted they took care of his greenhouse? His father who'd always been against it the most?

"Why?" the word left his lips before he could stop it. It was a rude question to make, especially since he voiced it like that, but now that it was out anyway, he really wanted an answer.

"No one knows for sure what your father was thinking" the old man told him "But we can all throw around some guesses, can't we?"

Yes, they could. This could only mean that his father really-

"Not that any of us knew a thing about gardening, especially when it came to food" his grandfather pointed out, eyeing the garlic that was growing nicely "So your father hired a professional to work here with us until we knew the basics well enough."

There was really only one reason his father would do something like that. If he had wanted to keep up the appearance of a mourning father, there would've been countless of easier ways.

This meant that he actually cared.

Taking in a deep breath, Nikolo fought to keep his tears at bay. He knew what his grandfather thought of crying, especially crying men, and he'd already been crying enough in front of him lately. It was time to stop; he could hold this in until he was alone. He could do this.

"It is humiliating to cry over pointless things" his grandfather said. It's not like he didn't know that already "But there are right times and right reasons for crying as well."

That was all it took for the dam to break, for Nikolo knew a permission when he heard one. He actually had to lean to the wall for support in order to not to slump down, but other than that he was no longer really aware of his surroundings. All he could do was cry and, against anything he would've believed just a few days ago, his grandfather allowed it.

XXXXX

"Nikolo's in love with me? That's absurd!" Sasha thought, absentmindedly working as Kaya's words echoed in her head "Isn't it? Or could she really be right?"

No, she couldn't be. Kaya barely knew Nikolo, if their few meetings counted as knowing each other at all, so how could she notice something like that when Sasha hadn't despite spending so much time with him? She wasn't dense when it came to these things; if Nikolo really had feelings for her, she would have noticed!

…Right?

"But if he really is in love with me, that would explain a lot" Sasha thought. First and foremost, it would explain what he wanted to tell her once he returned. It'd be a love confession, and that would explain the actions of her friends as well, assuming they had caught on. And the kiss, it would explain the kiss, too. But again, logic fought against these thoughts because one, if it was the case then surely, she would've noticed and two, she was still an Eldian. Nikolo hadn't been repulsed by the fact for years, or so she liked to believe, but that he'd fall in love with one after what he'd been raised to believe? It just didn't fit.

"I'm only thinking of very recent events… has there been anything that'd imply him being in love with me earlier?" she wondered, thinking back. There was nothing during the first year they'd known each other, of that she was sure. The few after that? Well, he did almost kill a kid that harmed her almost fatally, but that was mostly stress talking, right? He'd been in quite pinch at the time… What about his relief when they'd first seen each other after she woke up from her coma? …No no, as relieved as he had seemed, that was simply because he cared for her because they were friends, nothing more… right? Then what about the way he'd been too ashamed to look her in the eyes when he found out she knew what he'd done to the military police? …Again, he had just been ashamed because they were friends, that's it. Nikolo definitely wasn't in love with her. Realizing that made Sasha feel disappointed, but she shook her head as soon as she realized it. It's not like she wanted him to be in love with her… right?

Right?

"Uh…" Sasha let out a small distressed sound, thankful that no one could hear. Starting to pace, she started thinking of what she would want in a lover, convinced that Nikolo wouldn't be able to fill the list.

She wanted someone who had no problem with her liking to hunting. No problem with her being a soldier and the responsibilities that came with it. Someone who wouldn't insist on her staying home if they started a family. Someone who'd support her when she needed it. Someone who could make her laugh. Someone who she could talk with. Someone who she could be herself with without hesitation, feeling no need to hide her accent or her love for food, her appetite that everyone always called so-

Sasha stopped in her tracks. Nikolo was the only one, the only one she didn't feel the need to hide anything from, mainly her appetite that sometimes seemed to disturb even her parents. And to her horror, Sasha realized that the man seemed to fill all of her other demands as well. Heat started to make its way on her face as she tried to assure herself that it was a mistake, that she had unconsciously started listing Nikolo's good qualities instead of the kind of man's she would actually want, but no matter how much she thought, she couldn't really come up with anything major that didn't match with the man, save for his past hatred for Eldians. But what did that even matter? Everyone made mistakes, and he had learned from his. There was nothing wrong with Nikolo.

"Oh no" she muttered, still not wanting to believe it "Are we really in love with each other?"