Chapter 6
"It seems you had several broken bones during the last nine years, but they seem to have healed up well enough" the doctor told Nikolo as he was being examined to see if he was fit to continue as a soldier "I take it you were beaten up regularly?"
"At few points, yes" Nikolo admitted, about to add that their aim was never to kill him with those injuries, but kept it to himself. It would look bad if he said it.
"You are in a good condition, especially considering your imprisonment" the doctor said "I would advise you to take on a proper training schedule to keep in shape. Your body is by no means weak, but if you plan to return to service, building up more strength and stamina won't hurt."
"So, I'm able to return to service without any problems?" Nikolo asked for clarification before allowing himself to sigh in relief. The doctor nodded "Physically, yes. However, you still need to pass the tests of your mental health. You've experienced something very traumatizing after all."
"Of course," Nikolo agreed "But I'm alright."
"Yes, I think you are" the doctor agreed with a smile "But I'm not a professional in that area. Come back tomorrow for your other checkup."
"Yes sir" Nikolo said, standing up "Thank you."
XXXXX
"Sasha, you're back!" Sasha turned around to face the young woman who was raising towards her and Kaya, jumping over the wooden fence with ease "I thought you wouldn't have enough vacation to come home for a long time!"
"'Sup Anya?" Sasha asked with a grin "How are things at the hospital?"
"Absolutely wonderful!" the girl cheered "Everyone's thrilled about the peace and some believe that we can learn so much more from the people from outside and cure diseases that are deadly now!"
Right, of course. Now that peace negotiations were done, Eldia could start doing business and exchanging important information with other nations too, most likely starting with Hizuru. Sasha didn't understand a lot about business, but she knew that if done right, it would benefit both Eldia and the other party, which in turn would make Eldia look useful and less threatening. And that would help to hold up the peace. Therefore, successful business was important to soldiers like her as well. And of course, there was another important part to it, too.
"Just imagine all new foods we'll be able to try when the trade starts to bloom!" she cheered back, making the girls look at her blankly. Blinking, she asks: "What?"
The girls laughed.
"That's our sister, always thinking stomach first" she was not "Yeah."
She really, really was not. She could think of other things and focus when it mattered, but when the situation was not dire, why not think of food? Who would it harm?
"Or maybe it's not really food she's thinking about" if Anya didn't have such a sly look on her face when she said this, Sasha would've been grateful, but right now she knew something was up "Maybe it's a cook."
Sasha groaned, immediately getting what she was hinting at.
"Not you too Anya" she muttered, making the younger woman laugh.
"Did mister Nikolo go home already?" she asked "Did you two finally- "
"Anya" Kaya interrupted her. To Sasha, her voice sounded stern "Don't; it's none of our business."
Sasha could see the surprise on Anya's face. She was a little surprised herself, but quickly realized that Kaya didn't want to make her uncomfortable with this subject. She was grateful for it, but it wasn't that big of a deal. She wouldn't let it be.
"It's fine" she said, ruffling their hair "Things are a little… complicated, but I'll figure it out. Don't you two worry about it."
Again, Anya looked surprised, but thankfully didn't say anything anymore. Wanting to change the subject, Sasha asked: "So~ Anya, do you have anyone special we should hear about?"
"…No" the girl answered, but there was a pause before it. A rather long pause, and she was looking away. Exchanging looks with Kaya, Sasha demanded: "Tell us everything."
XXXXX
"How was your check up?" Nikolo's mother asked at lunch, getting the rest of the family's attention while doing so. Shrugging, Nikolo answered: "I passed; physically, there's nothing wrong. Now I just have to pass as mentally fit for service tomorrow."
"Will you?" his grandfather asked. Nikolo could see that his mother and sister were uncomfortable with this question, and he thought carefully of his answer, trying to think what would both be the truth and not disappoint the older man.
"I feel like I will" he finally answered "It's true that certain things that happened during the last nine years still bother me to some extent and that it'll take a while for me to… get over them, but in the end, I don't think any of it is major enough that they would keep me from filling my duty properly."
The women looked relieved, he could tell, but his grandfather looked thoughtful. He wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not.
"That is good to hear" the man said "But don't push yourself too much; if you don't feel you're ready to return to service, then do not. Your superiors will understand."
"That's right Nikolo; you mustn't strain yourself too much" Bianka was quick to agree "You just got home; recovery will take time."
"I appreciate the concern, but it is not needed. I am ready" Nikolo said "Besides, they won't send people who just got back to the front, so I'll get an easy start anyway."
"Just remember not to overdo it" his grandfather said, and Nikolo promised. That was the end of the conversation for the time being.
XXXXX
Sasha smiled awkwardly, trying to get Anya to talk to her again. She and Kaya had pried some information out of the girl, mainly the fact that she was crushing on a young doctor working in the same hospital as her, and apparently, they'd gone too far since now the girl refused to talk to them.
"No fair; I didn't flip like this when she brought up Nikolo nor in any of those times she hinted I was having something going on with Jean or Connie" she thought, but was starting to feel like she was the one at the wrong here. When Anya and the other kids had implied, she'd have an affair with Connie or Jean, they'd still been kids. It was a bunch of brats making fun of her nonexistent feelings, so of course she'd been able to brush it off despite having been a teenager. When they'd started to bully her about Nikolo, which wasn't all that long ago, she'd already been an adult and seen that as something impossible anyway, so she'd brushed it off with a laugh. But Anya's situation was different; she was a teenager in love. And Sasha was being a bitch, even though she didn't do it on purpose.
"Look Anya, I'm sorry" she said "I just wanted to tease you a bit; I didn't mean to make you upset."
"I'm sorry too" Kaya said "We won't say anything anymore, we promise."
"Unless she brings up our private lives too much" Sasha thought, but decided not to say it out loud. Besides, she could take a bit teasing and doubted Anya would be able to go too far.
"It's fine" the girl finally said with a heavy sigh "I overreacted, but that's just- "
"How young love is?" Sasha finished, having heard her mom use this phrase before.
"Yeah" Anya said "But Sasha"
"Yea?"
"Saying that makes you sound old" the girl deadpanned "You have to drop the young -part."
Sasha blushed, feeling the heat on her cheeks rising even more as the girls laughed. Oh geez, she was not and did not sound old!
"Alright kiddies, nap time for you babies!" she snapped back. If she was old then the other two were still brats "Listen to granny Sasha!"
The two laughed even harder, Kaya almost doubling over as she held her stomach. Sasha grinned; it seems Anya forgot her earlier worries.
Crisis averted.
XXXXX
"Nikolo" his mother says from the doorway as he goes over some old recipes in his room. Nikolo looks up, asking: "Yes, mother?"
She takes that as a permission to come inside, closing the door behind her. That and the fact that she seems to hesitate makes him sure that whatever she has to say, it's probably something he won't like.
"Are you sure you're fine enough to return to service?"
And he was right.
Sighing, Nikolo puts the book down as he prepares to convince his mother.
"Yes, I am alright" he says "The sooner my life gets back to normal, the sooner I can come to terms with the bad things that happened to me and that I- "
He stops himself from saying it at the last moment, stops himself from saying "that I did", but his mother can't be fooled. From her face, he could see that she had taken note of how fast he had snapped his mouth shut midsentence and that she wasn't going to let it go.
"That you what?" she asks, her face softening "Is there something else bothering you? Something we don't know about?"
There are lot of things his family doesn't know about; surely his mother understands that, right? There's no way she can even imagine what those times held in. But of course, he knows that his mother means something specific, something that makes him act the way he does. And there is something, but he's not sure if he should tell her. First of all, the information is confidential, so he's not allowed to tell her. Not that he'd ever get caught; his mother isn't the type to gossip about these kinds of things and even if she does, it'd be only to his father. And he'd know when not to say anything. There's also the matter that he doesn't want to upset his mother even more… and that she'd get mad if he told her how he regretted poisoning all those Eldians, hurting Sasha and putting her family in danger.
…Or would she? She was his mother; maybe she'd understand. He knew his parents weren't as understanding and forgiving as Sasha's, but they weren't bad people either, certainly not. The way they treated Eldians was simply because they didn't know any better, just like he hadn't before getting to know them, right? He might be able to make his mother understand.
"It's still better not to go in to too much details" he decided, determined to make sure that his mother didn't get even a hint about him having deeper feelings for an Eldian "Please sit down mother; this might take a while, assuming you still want to hear."
"Of course, I want to hear" she says, sitting down. Nikolo sighs, deciding to start from near beginning: "After the first few or so months, some of us were let out of our cells every now and then if we cooperated. It's not like any of us wanted to, but sitting in a narrow, dark cell all the time, not knowing what is coming, could drive anyone crazy. So, when I was asked to cook for them using ingredients their own cooks didn't know, they were told by the traitors that I could cook, I said yes. I just wanted to get out and I didn't think letting the Eldians eat seafood would harm our motherland in any way."
His mother is silent so far and as Nikolo glances at her face, all he can see is pity. That's not a bad thing at this point.
"I ended up doing that quite a lot. Cooking for them, I mean, and I wasn't the only one. They put few of us in for the job and we did it, not wanting to be put in the cells again. But while cooking we- "might be better not to talk about the spinal fluid, he realized "-Put some poison in the wine bottles there, one with slow effect, and made high ranking officers drink it. In the end, lots of people died from it. We were caught of course, I and some others, but in the end, they did spare our lives, so… that…"
"They almost killed you for it?" well, yes, Nikolo nodded, but that wasn't the point he was trying to make here "That must've been frightening for you."
Again, yes, but not what he was getting at.
"Yes, but what I'm trying to say is… I'm alive; they didn't kill me. I caused the deaths of many of their own, yet they chose to spare me" here comes the bomb that might put an end to his mother's sympathy "Do you think that people who spare me after something like that are really evil down to their core?"
He turns to look at his mother now, and the face she's making is rather… peculiar? Her features are frozen, like she was sure she couldn't have heard right. Nikolo had seen her make a similar face a few times when he was a kid, like when he had said he wanted to be a cook when he grew up, and that was never a good sign.
"Mother…?" he shouldn't have said anything to begin with; he should've just kept assuring her that everything was fine.
"Oh, my poor boy, what horrors you must've been through" his mother finally says, starting to sob. Not exactly what he'd been expecting, and he wasn't sure what exactly he was missing here "To think that those devils have made you think that you're the evil one… it's so tragic… my poor boy…"
"No, mother, I- "Nikolo starts but stops himself. She isn't entirely wrong; it was the people of Paradis who brought these thoughts to his head, but it's not what his mother seems to think; he wasn't brainwashed. They just made him see what an ass he'd been. But would his mother understand this even if he tried to explain? "…No, she wouldn't."
"I'm sorry for bringing something like this up mother" he said "I'm… a little tired. Can we talk later?"
His mother is still sobbing, but she nods before she hugs him.
"Yes, you need rest. Try to get some sleep" she leaves, and as the door closes Nikolo lets out a heavy sigh, burying his face in his hands.
Why did he even try?
XXXXX
"Get back here Sasha!" Sasha doesn't obey, she never does. Instead, she picks up her speed a little, running away from her father and never stopping munching on the pastry she'd found from the kitchen "That was my share!"
Okay, so maybe it was, but Sasha had already taken a bite so her father wouldn't want it anymore anyway, would he? Besides, why'd he leave it in the kitchen unsupervised if it wasn't free for the taking?
Skillfully, she jumps over the fence, pausing in her escape for a moment to look behind her as she hears her father huff as he climbs over the fence. She remembered vividly how her father was just as able to jump over the fence as she was when she was still a teenager; maybe he was getting old?
"Is age catching up with you dad?" she couldn't help but call out with a giggle, sprinting away again as her father got on the move.
"Don't ya mention my age, kiddo!" he calls back. He doesn't seem to be tiring it out, but since he hasn't caught her yet Sasha supposes that age is also stealing his speed. Or maybe it's just her who's gotten faster over the years?
She takes another bite of the pastry, thinking that it'd be nicer to eat it in peace. Could she get her father off her track? …Probably not; even if she got him to lose sight of her for a moment, he knows all her hiding places in the area. He'd find her soon enough, but she should be able to finish the pastry before he did… but she'd rather avoid him for a while after it, maybe an hour or two…
"Is there a place I can get to but dad can't?" Sasha wondered, thinking through her options. When she was a child, around five or so, there had been plenty of those places thanks to her small size, but now? Such places where she could comfortably fit in but her father couldn't were rare; there wasn't that much of a size difference between them anymore and none of the few places she could think of were close enough.
"How about somewhere high, then?" sure, her dad could climb, but she was pretty sure she was better at it than him. A lot better; if she found a high enough tree that was too hard for him to climb but not for her, she could call it a win. Tree hunt it was, then. And she knew exactly where to find such a tree.
Abruptly changing direction, Sasha knew she was able to surprise her father. Hopefully he wouldn't catch on and realize where she was headed.
Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. That didn't exactly matter anymore since Sasha could already see the tree she needed. Just a little more-
"Caught the thief!" Sasha shrieks, hands flailing around uselessly as she tries to get away from the sudden grip that comes from under her arms, her legs joining the useless flailing as she is lifted in the air.
"Good job, Emil!" Emil? That brat! When did he get home? "Don't let her go!"
"Oh c'mon!" Sasha protests "Have a little mercy on your sister in arms, would ya?"
Emil laughs, and Sasha turns her head to see the boy, no, young man really, shake his head while he's at it. Sasha scoffs; if he hadn't lifted her off the ground, she could literally throw him off and be on her way. Well, he probably knew that and had picked her up for that very reason.
"You're in trouble now young lady!" her father says as he takes her by the ear, Emil letting go of her while he does so. Sasha watches the man brush off nonexistent dirt from his scout's uniform, laughing at her all the while. She frowns, sticking out her tongue at him.
"Pay attention!" her father hisses and Sasha turn her attention to him, mostly because the grip on her ear gets harder "Don't you ever learn!?"
She supposes she doesn't.
She listens her to her father's complaining and lecturing with half an ear, not even flinching at his harsh words and loud voice. She'd gotten used to it years ago, not to mention Nikolo had always been even louder and his lectures always lasted a lot longer, on those times that Sasha bothered to stick around to listen, that is.
"Do you understand?"
"Yes dad" not that she was sure what she was supposed to understand; she wasn't really listening. But it was usually the same old "I get it."
The look on his face told Sasha that her father knew she hadn't been listening, but as long as he didn't call her out on it, she didn't really mind.
"Ugh, whatever" he said with a sigh "I really hope someone will take you off my hands soon."
Sasha raised her eyebrow, not quite understanding what her father meant by that, but before she could ask, he had already turned his attention to Emil.
"Welcome home" he said "You've got vacation too?"
"Sure thing" the boy said "But I didn't expect to see Sasha."
"I have a bit more vacation left" Sasha said with a shrug "Anya's home too by the way."
"It's been a while since we've last had the whole family home at the same time" her father said with a smile "We should celebrate it a little, don't you think?"
Sasha nodded immediately, liking the idea. After all, celebration usually meant good food.
XXXXX
It is quiet at the dinner table. Not the peaceful, calming quiet that Nikolo would be more than happy with, but a menacing, tense silence. And he knows it's his fault.
His mother doesn't even look at him, which tells him she's spoken to others. Or at least his father, who is eating his meal with such mechanical movements that tell Nikolo he's furious. Glancing at his grandfather, Nikolo notes that he doesn't look as mad as one would expect. He didn't know, then, but he had read the mood enough to know who exactly had messed up something one way or another. And his brothers could see it, too. Viktor had seemed to decide not to get involved, but Ulrich kept sending him looks that clearly asked "what the hell did you do this time?" That sure was one nostalgic look; one that Nikolo was very familiar with as a teenager, especially since he used to get it from both of his older siblings. Bianka isn't looking at him now though, but he's sure the same question swirls in her mind. However, she's too busy with the kids to bother Nikolo too much.
The kids. His namesake is still too young to understand anything, but Dominik can clearly sense that something is wrong. The kid looks nervous, eating at a much slower pace than he did during the earlier meals, moving his gaze between his mother, grandfather and, to Nikolo's surprise, him. It seems the kid was very perspective; the still almost a toddler could tell this was his fault.
Yes, his fault. It's not like Nikolo had wanted to make his family awkward, but he had said all he had while knowing full well what the risks were, what was very likely to happen, but he had just hoped that he'd be wrong. But he wasn't.
"I can't talk about anything that happened with any of them" Is what he decided "I'll put up the act of a perfect son and a perfect soldier as well as I can from now on."
He just hoped he wouldn't lose himself while doing so.
A.N: Just in case I left it too unclear: Anya is the girl from the Blouse house and Emil is the boy that doesn't wear glasses. And yes, I made up the names since the sweethearts still don't have names. Maybe in the next SnK chapter? So glad I finished this before chapter 114!
