Chapter 7

Nikolo is nervous, and he tells himself it's completely normal. Yes, he has things to hide, but it's not like he really needed to lie to the people he'd be talking with; he could stick to the truth and just leave some things unsaid. That should get him through the interrogation, officially called psychological evaluation of course, just fine as long as he didn't think his answers for too long and make himself seem suspicious or simply too nervous. It would've been good to know what they'd ask beforehand so he could've thought his answers through, but of course it didn't go that way; it would've ruined the whole point.

He was called in, and Nikolo was able to relax a little more during the first few minutes. They confirmed his name, age, rank, the unit he had belonged to, all questions he could answer from the top of his head. So far so good.

"According to the testimonies of your fellow soldiers, at the beginning you were let out of your cell way more than the others were. Is this true?"

"Yes, sir" Nikolo replied, knowing this was the point where he had to start being extra careful with his words.

"Why is that?"

"Yelena, one of the traitors, recommended me" he said. This was one of the questions he had anticipated coming "She was aware that I was good at cooking, and used that as a reason to let me out."

"And you agreed to cook for the enemy?"

"Yes, sir" he said again "I saw no harm in just preparing food for them and I came to the conclusion that by cooperating with them and getting out of the cell I'd have a better chance of gathering information and possibly do something for my country."

Not lies, he just didn't mention that that was mostly the case just in the beginning and that he was also scared in the cell and wanted out.

"We also heard that you were one of main spreaders of the tainted wine" the man continued "Good work."

"Thank you, sir" Nikolo said, holding back a grimace. Fortunately, he had expected something like that and was prepared.

"But that makes us wonder how come you're still alive and were allowed to come home" another man puts in. Nikolo had seen this coming as well, but was still unsure how to deal with it "Why is that?"

"…I am not sure, sir. I don't know what the devils were thinking, but one of my guesses is that they foresaw the possibility for peace and wanted to seem like forgiving, reasonable people, keeping me and the others alive for that reason" again, not really a lie. He was pretty sure some MPs had agreed to let him live for some reason like that.

"Is that the only reason you can think of?" a third man asked "Nothing else comes to mind?"

The way he said it, the looks on their faces… these people knew he was not telling something. But what? What had they found out and from whom?

"Grior" was the only conclusion he could come to in this situation. Well, if it was him then Nikolo was pretty sure about what he had said even if he didn't know about any details.

"I did make an effort to get close to some of their high-ranking officials, tried to make them think that I was fine with serving them" this was a crucial part that he had to word carefully "And I think I might have accidentally seduced one of them."

The three looked surprised by the later part, making Nikolo understand that that wasn't something Grior had told them. He'd miscalculated; he should've just said he'd won someone's trust, or not mention Sasha at all!

"Seduced? Seduced how?" one asked, adding "Was this Eldian a man or a woman?"

Nikolo would have felt insulted by the question if it didn't feel so ridiculous.

"A woman, sir, more like a girl at the time, actually. Lot of their soldiers are rather young" he said "As for how, I'm not sure myself."

"Tell us about this female soldier"

He didn't want to do that, he really didn't. Any information he leaked now might end up hurting Sasha someday. He had to be very, very careful about his words now, but still stick to the truth.

"She was... a rather simple minded individual, simply kept around for her battle skills I suppose. I think that the reason she took some interest in me in particular was simply because I cooked; she was a quite passionate eater" was he already saying too much? "She kept coming to the restaurant I was made to work at; kept coming to eat. I put up with her because I believed that being in good terms with a high-ranking soldier like her would benefit me one way or the other later on… and I was right."

"How so?"

"They actually planned to execute me, but she was the first to go against it and bought me some time" Nikolo confessed, deciding that now was a good time to lie a little: "It was at that time that I realized she might've gotten a bit too attached to me, but that also seems to be what saved my life."

Did he mess up? He couldn't tell from the way the men looked at each other, but they clearly had something in mind.

"While trying to keep yourself on her good side, did your attempts ever get physical?"

Physical? What did they- ah, right.

"No sir, they did not" he said, adding as an afterthought: "Pardon me for saying this, sir, but please don't think so lowly of me. I was in a desperate situation yes, but I was not that desperate."

It sounded really bad to Nikolo's ears and made him feel a little guilty, but he reminded himself that it was all for safety's sake. However, judging from the looks on their faces, it seemed to be a good thing to say at that point.

"Of course, that was rude of me" the man who had spoken said "My apologies."

Nikolo nodded, wishing that this particular subject would be dropped here. Of course, he had no such a luck.

"Is this particular female soldier still alive?"

"Yes, she is" he answered truthfully "She was among the soldiers who escorted us to the ships when we left."

"C'mon, drop this subject" Nikolo pleaded in his mind "Don't you have more pressing matters to ask of?!"

"And the name and the rank of this soldier are?"

Well shit. He really, really should've just kept his mouth shut. Keeping the name to himself at this point would get him in major trouble, but giving them her name could possibly endanger Sasha in the future. That was something he wanted to avoid at all costs, no matter what, so he had to tell a lie. One that he wouldn't be easily called out on.

"Mikasa Ackerman" he blurted out without really thinking it through. Her name had simply been the only actual female soldier's name that had come to his mind fast enough. It was only after he had said it that Nikolo realized that the "Ackerman" -part would probably cause him trouble.

"Ackerman?" the men chorused as one. Yep, he'd been right.

"Yes, sir" he answered, knowing that it was a time for another lie "It took years before I found out about that, though, for she was mostly addressed by her first name."

He just really hoped no one else would call him out on this lie. Who else should he worry about along with Grior? The man'd be the biggest problem, but a careless word or two from anyone who'd been observant enough could-

"And this Ackerman developed feelings for you?"

"That is the conclusion I've drawn, sir" Nikolo replied, hoping that Mikasa never found out about this and if she did, wouldn't kill him for it. Of course, it was unlikely she'd ever hear, but if the military tried to use this false information to its advantage somehow…

"It would certainly explain why he was spared" one said "Having an Ackerman backing him up must've had a heavy effect."

Well, true, especially since Mikasa had backed him up. For Sasha's sake, he was sure, but she'd done so anyway.

The three kept talking among themselves in hushed voices and Nikolo barely heard anything, which in turn made him a little anxious. Should he have told them Sasha's name after all?

"No, never" he told himself "I won't put her at risk, even if it would be a minimal one."

"We shall discuss about this revelation at a better time" one of them finally said "Moving on-"

Nikolo barely suppressed his sigh of relief, even if he was anxious about the "better time" -part.

"We are under the impression that you wish to return to service and consider yourself capable of doing so. Is this correct?"

"Yes, sir" this was something he was able to answer firmly without any hesitation. Perhaps he'd be able to be truthful for the rest of this interrogation, who knows.

"Your physical condition is certainly good enough for that" one of the men agreed "But what we want to find out is your capability to fill your duty despite all the mental pressure. Are you up for that after all you've experienced?"

"I believe I am" he said. Looking at the one who spoke in the eye, he added: "But I acknowledge the fact that I can never be completely sure until a stressing situation in the field presents itself."

He wasn't lying. Nikolo was sure that he could handle whatever came his way, but he wasn't naïve. Something could go wrong no matter how prepared he considered himself to be.

They seemed to approve of this answer, or at least Nikolo thought they did. That was understandable; while there were some people in the world who had enough strength to be as confident as they wanted, such as captain Levi for example, most who thought they could do anything were either naïve or insane. No one could be naïve after going through what Nikolo had, he knew that, so if he would've appeared too confident it would've put him in a bad light.

Things started to get easier after that. Most of the questions asked were ones Nikolo had predicted coming, and he had also come up with truthful enough answers to them that shouldn't give away his new views on Eldians or harm Paradis. It had taken hours, but with the way the men were now acting, Nikolo was sure they'd be finished soon. He was relieved; aside from the few mistakes at the beginning, he'd say he'd done quite well. Now he was convinced they'd let him return to service.

"Just one more thing"

Right, one more, and he could breath properly again, he'd be in the clea-

"About that Ackerman woman"

Alright, maybe not. Sitting up straighter, Nikolo did his best to not let his nervousness show.

"How high are the chances that she'd still harbor some feelings for you?"

In other words, they were asking how high the chances that they could use this turn of events to their advantages were.

"I don't think there are any left" Nikolo said, trying to undo the mess he'd unintentionally created "She was young at the time, but her feelings seemed to fade and her judgement get better as time went by. To put it bluntly, sir, I don't think this information could be of any use."

He really hoped that would work.

"Very well" they said "That is it for today, we'll be in touch."

Once over with the formalities, Nikolo walked out the door and was finally able to breathe freely and relax. Aside from the whole Mikasa lie, which he hoped he had managed to brush under the rug, all had gone well enough. He'd pass and be able to return to service, he was sure of it. As long as his lie didn't escalate, he was all good.

"I take it all went well?" Nikolo jumped a little, not expecting anyone to be there. Turning his head, he saw Grior, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Unable to hold back his scowl, Nikolo said: "Yes, except I have a feeling that someone said something unnecessary to them beforehand."

Grior eyes him for a moment, but doesn't say anything. Neither does Nikolo as he just glares at the other man, waiting for him to speak. Finally, Grior uncrosses his arms and nudges his head forward as sign for Nikolo to follow before he starts walking away. Nikolo hesitates for a moment before following after his colleague.

"It's not like I told them any details" Grior finally says as they get outside "Just that some of us seemed to get a little closer to the Eldians than others."

Nikolo quirked an eyebrow, not sure if he should believe him. Was that really all that he'd said? If so then Nikolo himself had been the one to say too much…

"I didn't say anything about that girl, especially not a name" he added "Mainly because I'm still convinced, you'll get over her with enough time."

"…" Nikolo was smart enough not to say anything to that, wanting to prevent Grior from changing his mind and getting him in trouble. Still, the man must've read something from his face as he said: "Well, you probably need a lot of time for it."

"Try a life time" Nikolo thought, letting out a huff.

"You seem to have gotten your anger issues under control, though" Grior pressed on "That's good."

"I don't have anger issues" Nikolo hissed, not being able to help himself.

"Of course not" Grior said, but his deadpan face couldn't have made his sarcasm any clearer "In any case, if you do get accepted back to service, try not to say or do anything too careless."

He didn't need to be told that; Nikolo knew he had to be careful.

"I'll see you around, hopefully in the line of duty"

"Yeah, see ya" Nikolo said, watching as Grior walked off. He couldn't tell if the guy was truly worried about him or if he simply feared that if Nikolo fell, he'd pull the others down with him. Considering the fact that they'd worked side by side for years, he liked to think it was a bit of both. Surely Grior would've ratted him out already if he considered Nikolo to be nothing but a bothersome dead weight… right?

"Definitely" he thought. While Grior wasn't a hundred percent logic first -person, he certainly wasn't sentimental either; he had the two traits well balanced "But he's still an asshole."

Well, maybe that was a bit too much. Just because they had some bad blood between them, it didn't make the other man somehow evil. Nikolo just didn't like him much and that's that.

"Ow!"

A cry of pain got the man's attention, making him turn his head to the left. There he saw a man, probably a few years younger than him, fallen on to the ground with his groceries spilled all over. Hearing laughter, Nikolo looked up from the man to see a group of young people, teenagers between 15 and 17 or so he'd guess, laughing at the guy. Seeing one's extended leg, the soldier realized that they'd tripped the man on purpose.

"To think they have the nerve to do that so indiscreetly in public, not to mention laugh about it" Nikolo knew it was none of his business, yet he was still about to go and have a few chosen words with the brats. However, a sudden realization stopped him. Everyone around them was looking at the man, adults included, most of them laughing as a few pointed at the fellow now struggling to get up. And that's when it hit him.

The guy was an Eldian.

He could see it clearly, the armband. How had he missed it until now? Of course, he'd seen it, but he hadn't registered what it was at first, it had just been a piece of cloth to him. He had been gone too long, it seems.

Nikolo felt conflicted. Part of him, his emotional side, wanted to at least help the guy to gather his groceries, but the rational part was yelling at him to do nothing or to actually laugh along with the others. Helping wouldn't look good after all, in fact it'd get him in trouble if anyone recognized him. But doing nothing just wasn't right.

"No, be rational Nikolo" he told himself, biting his lip "Helping one person once won't change the world or make his life better; there's no use even if you go to his aid."

Besides, if he helped then it could anger the now amused people around them, causing them to actually attack the guy, perhaps even him, too. Then he'd definitely get in trouble.

Having made up his mind, he just stood there paralyzed until the guy was out of sight. That was when the amused onlookers started to mind their own business again and, as Nikolo turned to leave, he locked eyes with another man, one who had been watching the scene as well, but he didn't look amused in the slightest. Eyes landing on the man's arm, Nikolo saw no armband.

"And yet he was not amused by that" he thought, noting that the man was still looking at him. He did it for quite a while before turning his eyes away, but that was enough to convince Nikolo that that man already knew the things he'd learned on Paradis.

"I wonder how common that is"

XXXXX

Sasha sighed as she lay down, gazing at the stars. She'd have to go back tomorrow… to do what, she wasn't entirely sure. Since the war was over, her everyday life would surely be bound to get easier, but she knew that didn't mean she could slack.

"And if I tried the captain would just kick my ass for it" she thought with a snicker "Him or Mikasa."

It's not like she minded; she wasn't the irresponsible little girl anymore. She knew she had a duty to take care of, one that she had chosen upon herself.

"But if he makes us clean the HQ from top to bottom or something then I'm gonna play hooky" it was fine to demand that they kept their own space at the dorms in top shape, but if Levi thought he could get his own squad to clean the whole place again… haha no, just no. Besides, weren't they elite soldiers? That stuff should be left for the rookies!

"But the captain's a good superior, despite his obsession for cleaning" she thought again "I honestly can't imagine anyone more reliable to follow."

Now, that is. When they were young, Marco had once said Jean would make a good leader. It's not like Sasha disagreed; Jean was doing well, but he still had a long way to go to become as reliable leader as Levi was in her opinion. But Jean was young and healthy, he had time, especially now that the war was over and he didn't need to fear that the next day could very well be his last.

"Mikasa wouldn't be able to handle such a position; being as strong as she is, she's at her best striking fast on her own. She can handle teamwork with a team she knows, though" she mused "Connie's just still too dense to be one to make big decisions and he knows it, too. He can't become a leader, but there's no one better than him to watch the leader's back and work as his right hand. And Armin's just as destructive with his giant body than he is with his sharp mind; he works as both offence and defense."

And her? Where did Sasha herself stand in this? She could handle any situation with her squad, either by strictly following orders or improvising as they went, but with others who she wasn't used to working with? Having clear orders surely made it work better.

"Guess I wouldn't be cut out to be a leader, either" she realized. It's not like she minded; her aim wasn't fame and wealth. If she was able to protect her comrades and be of use to this nation, her queen, her friends and family, then that was enough.

…Wasn't it?

She hadn't seriously thought about future, ever. As a teenager, before graduating, she was confident about getting to military police and that had been something she wanted to do just so that she'd get to eat a lot of delicious food. But then she'd joined the scouts instead and, while they all sometimes wondered about the future, she had been too scared to think about it seriously. What would be the point of making grand plans for the future if she died in the jaws of a titan or from an enemy soldier's bullet?

"But that risk is minimal now that the war is over" she reminded herself "So that means I need to start thinking about my future, right?"

But what kind of future would that be? She'd continue as a soldier of course, and as she didn't have what it took to be a leader, she was pretty much on the top of her career right now, being part of the Levi squad and all. All that was left for her with that was just to keep doing her best… but there were other things to life than just work.

"Should I actually consider getting married and starting a family?" the thought suddenly occurred to Sasha. Women who weren't soldiers were married or were getting married almost without an exception at this age, and even some soldiers did, but that was rare. And those few female soldiers who got married often quit their jobs afterwards, the life of a soldier being too dangerous if one wanted to bear children "But I wouldn't leave the scouts even if I did get married."

Which meant that her husband would have to take the main responsibility of the house and possible children… or her parents could take care of them if he too was a soldier.

"Ah c'mon!" Sasha cried out, sitting up with a jolt. Why was she suddenly thinking of this kind of stuff so seriously!? It's not like she was in a hurry to choose a direction for her future or anything!

"I suppose it's just the peace messing with my head…" Sasha muttered. For years, the war had always been on her mind, either at the top or nagging at her somewhere from the shadows, reminding that she could stop being safe at any second. It had kept her mind in here and now, in surviving to the next day, but now… now that it was gone, her thoughts were scattering. And she didn't like that.

Shaking her head, Sasha drew her knees up to her chest, hugging them. She'd been a death avoiding soldier for too long it seemed; she could no longer feel like herself thinking about things that involved normal life. It made her feel… faulty, somehow.

"Are all of us like that?" she wondered "Did our minds get stuck in to a loop of war?"

XXXXX

Nikolo woke up with a jolt, sitting up in his bed, breathing heavily as a result of his nightmare. In his dream he had returned to the day's events, seeing the Eldian man from back then being beaten in the middle of the street. However, in the dream, as he had briefly looked away for some reason, he could no longer remember why, and then looked back, Sasha was there in the man's place. And just like in he had done today, he'd just stood there without doing a single thing to help, without doing a single thing to stop the others. He'd just watched and after the group was gone, he faced the man who had not smiled, but in his place stood Grior with his arms crossed.

"That's what I thought" is what he had said in the dream, and that was what had woken him up. Hanging his head, Nikolo squeezed his eyes shut. It had been wrong of him to not help that man, he knew that, and it came back to haunt him.

"But if it had been Sasha, I would've helped" he told himself "No matter who saw, no matter the consequences."

He was selfish, he knew. He hadn't lifted a finger for a stranger, even though he easily could have, but when it came to the woman that he loved…

"I'm a horrible person"