WARNING: Contains spoilers up to chapter 115. Just in case someone hasn't read it yet.
Chapter 8
Nikolo was so glad that his interrogation had been yesterday and not today, for he was sure he looked half dead. But what else could you expect from a man who'd slept as restlessly as him last night? The little he had slept, that is. After the nightmare, he had been afraid to go back to sleep in the fear that it'd repeat itself and thus he'd given up early in the morning, rising up to make breakfast.
"This is ridiculous; an adult shouldn't be kept awake by nightmares" he told himself. Sure, he was a soldier who had just returned from war, but the nature and the timing of the nightmare… they made him feel guilty and that guilt embarrassed him. If his subconscious was going to make him feel this bad then he really should've just intervened yesterday!
"Young master? What are you doing here?" Nikolo jolted, not having heard the cook coming. Not taking his eyes off his task, he simply replied: "Breakfast."
"I can see that, but I do believe that is still my job" the cook said "I'm sorry I didn't wake up in time to prepare it."
"Don't be" Nikolo simply said, finally turning to the older man "I'm the one who woke up way too early; I just… couldn't sleep."
The man kept looking at him before nodding, asking: "Nightmares?"
"…Yeah" Nikolo admitted. No use hiding it, and it's not like having nightmares in itself was considered shameful in his situation. As long as no one found out the details, all was good "They remind me of the things I could've, and should've, done differently."
"You must have some heavy burdens" the older cook said sympathetically, laying a hand on his shoulder "But it's over now, and I'm sure you did your best, so that's enough. As long as you do your best from now on too, there's nothing to be ashamed about."
Nikolo didn't exactly disagree, but the problem was that he hadn't done his best. Not yesterday.
"Certainly" he said anyway, for it was the easiest way. That and no one else but him needed to bear the weight of his sins "You are right."
"Old men are wise, young man" the cook said, patting Nikolo's shoulder "Now how about you sit down and relax while I finish the rest."
No way.
"No thanks, I'll handle this" Nikolo said, adding truthfully: "Cooking takes my mind off of things."
"I see" the cook said "In that case, just let me give you a hand."
That Nikolo could allow; he was used to cooking with other people anyway.
XXXXX
"You would've still had some time, right? You didn't need to come with me" Sasha told Emil as they were riding away from Dauper that morning. The boy shook his head, saying: "I know, but I would've had to leave in a few days anyway. I'll just spend the last of the vacation in the city."
"Everyone would've wanted you to stay home longer, though" she said "I'm always gone for months at a time, and now they barely see you and Anya. Kaya and the others are lonely!"
"They'll manage, they always do" Emil said with a shrug, about to add more, but stopped himself at the last second. Glancing at him, Sasha wondered what the boy had in mind. She had guessed that there must have been a reason why he insisted on joining her on her way back "Emil, is something wrong?"
"Well, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about" he said after a while "From soldier to soldier."
"Oh" Sasha wasn't so sure how to feel about that. She knew Emil was a trained soldier now, member of the scouts just like her, but no matter what she just kept seeing him as the child he once was. It would undoubtedly feel weird to talk with him about serious stuff… but it was adults' job to guide kids when they needed it. She had to listen "Alright, go on."
"I know there's peace and all, and that's good of course, but don't you think that the risk that the MPs, garrison and the younger recruits will get too careless because of it is high?" he asked, looking at Sasha seriously "Sure, the MPs have seen conflicts among the people. The garrison has protected the walls and us newcomers saw glimpses of war before becoming soldiers, but none of us know what it's truly like out there in the front lines. And there are many who aren't really interested in learning, who already slack with their duties because there is now peace. Isn't such an attitude a high risk to Eldia?"
Sasha bit her lip, knowing that it was all true. It's not like she hadn't worried about the same things, but what could she do about it? Nothing really, that's what she had learned over the years. But how could she explain this to Emil, a child?
"…No, not a child" Sasha finally corrected herself "A fellow soldier."
She'd just go with the truth and explain things as she saw them.
"It's always been like that with the MPs. Always" she said, knowing that she sounded bitter, but not feeling bad about it since it was for a good reason "They sit far off in the back, giving orders and criticizing others who do the actual work if it doesn't go how they want, yet benefit the most when things do go well. It was like that when we fought the titans, during the civil war, after we found out about the outside world, during the all-out war with it, always. And I don't think it'll change any time soon, for even if the people in charge were completely replaced, power corrupts people, with perhaps the exception of very few. That is just how our society, or probably any society, works."
"That's kinda depressing" Emil said "But also surprisingly well said coming from you."
Sasha sweat dropped. She would've felt insulted if it wasn't for the fact that she had just repeated stuff Armin had told her and Connie. But Emil didn't need to know that.
"What will we do if another war breaks out? If not with Marley then some other country?"
"We'll figure something out" Sasha said without missing a beat. Not because she was overly optimistic, but because she knew it was all they could do "We always do."
XXXXX
"You know your father doesn't approve of this kind of thing" Nikolo's mother said. The man in question just rolled his eyes, continuing to prepare lunch. His mother had been standing at the doorway for quite a while before opening her mouth, but Nikolo had already guessed that his was what she was going to talk about. Not looking away from his work, he said: "I made most of the breakfast too you know, yet all of you ate without complaining."
"We didn't know it was your doing" the woman said, coming closer to her son "And I'm not saying that it was bad, just that cooking isn't something you should be doing. Just get some rest and relax before you return to service."
"This is what relaxes me" Nikolo argued, still not bothering to look at his mom "And I shouldn't lie around anymore. In fact, the doctor advised me to put up a regular training schedule even before I return to service, so my plans for after lunch are already set."
His mother was quiet, but he knew she hadn't left yet. Nikolo wished she'd just say what she'd come to say and leave; her presence in the kitchen unnerved him. It wasn't a place she was used to being in and she acted as such, making him feel a little out of place as well.
"…Do you really want to return to service so soon?" Nikolo finally looked at her "I know you're fine physically, but you've been through so much… is it really alright for you to start working again, without proper rest?"
"I'll be fine, mother" Nikolo said, trying to keep the annoyance off of his voice since he knew she was just worried "And like I've said, it's not like they'd send people who just got home to the frontlines right away. Hell, we don't have frontlines now; the wars are over."
"But it's not your physical health I'm worried about in the first place" his mother pointed out, sounding like she was starting to get frustrated "What if you have to deal with Eldian soldiers? Or worse, what if you have to deal with Paradis' soldiers? Or even go on a mission there? What then!?"
"That's the plan here, actually" Nikolo thought, knowing full well that he couldn't say that. Putting the spoon down, he turned to his mother fully "I truly am fine mother. I had some bad experiences, but I'm not overly traumatized or anything. If I have to deal with Eldians, from here or Paradis, then I will. I can handle it."
"But- "whatever his mother was trying to say, Nikolo didn't let her "I'm fine mother, really. I'm a trained, experienced soldier and have been in the frontlines. Even if things go wrong, nothing will brake my spirit!"
Was he speaking too soon? A small part of his brain kept screaming at him that he was being too overconfident.
His mother stared at him for quite a while before sighing.
"I hope you know what you're doing, dear."
"Me too" Nikolo couldn't help but mutter as soon as he was sure that his mother was out of earshot.
XXXXX
Finally getting to the HQ in Wall Rose, there were one inside of each wall plus one outside, Sasha and Emil hopped off their horses. Night was approaching, but they weren't so late that they'd be scolded. They had plenty of time to put the horses away and settle down to the dorms again in peace.
"Sasha!"
Okay, ditch the "in peace" -part, but at least they wouldn't get in trouble. Turning her head, Sasha saw Jean and Connie coming towards her from the inside, having probably seen them from the window.
"What's up, guys?" she asked, grinning "Did Jeanboy have a nice vacation?"
Connie snickered, but Jean scowled.
"Can it, Potato girl" he hissed "Can't you just act like an adult for once?"
"Says the guy calling her names" Emil pointed out, looking at the three older scouts one after the other before asking: "Should I take all the three horses to the stables?"
It took a second. Two. Three. Four -and then Sasha got the joke, bursting out in laughter. Connie followed soon after, also catching on. Jean however, was not amused. Arms crossed, he narrowed his eyes as he asked: "Where did you learn that?"
And then he glared at Sasha, who got the message.
"Wasn't me, I swear!"
It really wasn't, but would Jean believe her? …Maybe he did since now he was glaring at Connie, who also denied it. Narrowing his eyes, Jean turned to Emil, saying: "Alright, spill. Who told you to use that?"
"No one told me to use it" Emil said with a shrug, taking the reins of Sasha's horse from her "But I heard Mr. Nikolo use it from time to time and thought that it fit."
Sasha burst out laughing and she could hear Connie following suit. That's right; both of them had used that name about Jean in Nikolo's presence rather often, usually when the horse himself couldn't hear of course. It seemed like he had picked it up.
"It's good that he already left" Sasha thought, amused "'Cause Jean looks ready to murder someone!"
Sasha could see his eyebrow twitching, especially after he turned to look at her again.
"And who exactly taught it to Nikolo?" he was glaring at her again, and while it wasn't completely without a reason, Sasha felt it was unfair since Connie was in on it, too. So of course, she answered Jean by pointing at Connie, but the man had apparently seen this coming since he pointed at her at the same time.
"I guess this means you're both at fault huh" Jean asked, and from the look on his face, Sasha knew what was coming.
"Run!" she yelled before taking off, sure that Connie was right behind her. She didn't look back even when she heard Emil yell: "Give up guys; you can't outrun a horse!"
XXXXX
Nikolo arrived to the family dinner after a long work out and a shower. He had trained a little while in Paradis to stay in shape at least somewhat, but it had been nothing compared to today's proper workout. His every muscle ached, but at the same time he felt more relaxed and at ease than in the morning. The work out had simply brought him the feeling that he was actually getting somewhere.
"You look rather tired" Ulrich pointed out "Overdoing it much?"
"I think I'm just a little more out of shape than I first thought" Nikolo admitted as he sat down "But it's nothing that a little time won't fix."
"Don't over do it" his grandfather advised "A job done in rush is rarely well done."
"Of course, grandfather" Nikolo said. He stayed quiet for most of the dinner after that, just listening to his family talk and putting in a comment or two from time to time when he was sure it was appropriate. He was a little rusty and couldn't afford messing up again.
"Being so silent might be a mistake in itself, but that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Everyone should simply see it as me not being used to being back home" at least, that's what he hoped. He really couldn't afford any more mistakes.
XXXXX
Turns out they really hadn't been able to outrun the horse. Or well, maybe Connie had, Sasha didn't know for sure since they'd split up and Jean had come after her first, carrying her right over his shoulder after catching her and dumping her in to a pond. Now she was soaked, trying to squeeze out the water from her clothes.
"Well, the three of us were always the agile and fast ones; it's no wonder he caught me. And he's a grown man now so it's no wonder he could overpower me, too" that didn't mean it didn't annoy her though "But since he came after me first, Connie probably got away."
"Let go already!"
"Apparently not" Sasha thought, unable to hold in the chuckle that left her lips.
"Soon, so stop struggling!" Jean answered to Connie and Sasha watched as the duo wrestled their way closer. Connie was stronger than her, so Jean wasn't able to take him down as easily as he'd done with her, but he'd still managed to drag the protesting man all the way here "Well, I suppose I shouldn't expect any less of him."
Jean wasn't all that much stronger than Connie, but he was a lot smarter, which was probably what had gotten him the upper hand in their struggle. A struggle that'd be over soon; they were almost at the pond. She better get out of the way… or in position.
"Jean's gonna be pissed… oh well" Sasha thought with a shrug, barely suppressing her grin. She waited for the duo to reach the pond and, just like she had thought, Jean pushed Connie in. But she wouldn't let it end with that. She ran forward, surprising Jean and the now cursing Connie, reaching them in no time. As she had guessed, it was too unexpected for Jean, so he failed to react as she hold out her hands, pushing Jean in to join Connie, laughing while doing so.
"Darn it Sasha!" Jean yelled after recovering from the shock, purposely ignoring Connie who was still sitting in the pond with him, laughing like there was no tomorrow. Not that Sasha herself was any better, although she was a bit worried what would happen once Jean got out of the pond. And he was climbing out now.
"Er… um… peace?" she suggested, holding her hands up as she started backing off.
"Maybe next year" Jean said and Sasha eeped, rushing off, starting the chase again. She supposed that pushing an already pissed off soldier in to a pond wasn't a good idea after all.
XXXXX
Another day, and this time Nikolo chose to actually start it with training. The fact that he'd slept without nightmares last night helped of course; he wasn't all that tired. That was why he was now jogging along a path in the outskirts of the city, building up his stamina. It was a weekday and quite early, so there weren't really many people around, most being at work or preparing for it at this time.
"But it seems there are some people out after all" Nikolo thought as he saw a pair of men jogging in to his direction, clearly also out for a morning exercise. It was only after they were very close that he saw how their heads were bowed down, leading him to notice the armbands.
"Ah… soldiers? No, they would train at the military grounds. Probably just a few regular citizens that wanted a good long run; I doubt there're any possibilities for that in the ghettos." he thought. He'd been to an Eldian ghetto a few times during his training days, just like all the Marleyan soldiers, but that was it, so he couldn't know for sure, but it'd make sense "Still… to come all the way here and risk getting in to trouble just for exercise…"
Maybe he was overreacting, maybe those two just needed a bit space to breath for once. Or maybe they had some sport as a hobby and decided to train.
"Or maybe they're up to something" Nikolo thought, glancing at the duo over his shoulder. Both they and him had covered quite a distance by now "No, I'm being too suspicious. The chances they'd be up to something are slim, very slim."
Shaking his head, Nikolo scolded himself for being so doubtful. This was exactly the kind of thing he shouldn't be doing; jumping to conclusions just like that wasn't right.
He had to get a hold of himself.
XXXXX
When Sasha had wondered what her duties today would be, she certainly hadn't expected it to be overseeing a combat training exercise, especially not a one that included garrison soldiers. First of all, she was by no means the best in close combat, but what unnerved her even more was the fact that some of the soldiers were twice her age. Sure, she'd been superior to some older soldiers who'd joined the scouts later on, but this just felt weird, especially since she was sure that many of the men could take her down if she were to fight against them. Why wasn't she supervising shooting practice or something?
"Maybe I should just directly ask someone… ah, there's the captain!" Sasha realized, jogging over to the man, realizing only after she'd gotten his attention that this could be considered as questioning the orders given. Damn.
"What is it?" well, she had no choice.
"I was just wondering why I'm here. I'm not all that good in close combat; in fact, I'm sure that many here are better than me" Levi eyed her for a moment before replying: "The presence of a well-known veteran is seen as something that boosts the troops morals and keeps them from slacking. As a survivor from the battle of Shiganshina, you certainly count."
"But you are also here" she pointed out "And what about the others? All of them are stronger than me, these days even Armin."
"Armin has been sent to help the founding titan train" ah, of course "Hanji is at the border, already negotiating with other nations, and Jean and Mikasa were sent to assist her. Connie was sent to the training camps to help out there."
"I could've gone to the training camps" Sasha muttered, feeling like that might've been easier since the trainees were younger. She saw Levi raise an eyebrow before he clarified: "Southern training camps, Sasha."
"Ah…" Sasha let out, gulping. That was where instructor Shadis worked "Never mind."
"Thought so" Levi said, and Sasha realized he hadn't explained why she was needed despite the fact that he was here. Voicing her thoughts, Levi answered Sasha by tapping his cane to the ground a several times.
Right, captain Levi's cane. While both of his legs were still intact, the captain's right leg had been injured during an explosion caused by Zeke, creating a permanent limp. The captain was full of scars as well, the big one that went across his face the most noticeable of them all. And of course, he was missing a few fingers.
"You think they wouldn't respect you anymore?" Sasha asked "Captain, with all the respect, that's ridiculous."
Levi just shrugged, saying: "Tell that to the higher ups. As far as they know, I'm a cripple soldier that no longer even works as a symbol."
"A cripple who could easily still kick their asses, I bet" Sasha said with a snort. However, she knew it was true that Levi was no longer the symbol he used to be, no longer "humanity's strongest." No, that had been Mikasa's title for years now.
Levi didn't reply, but he didn't deny it, either. Sasha knew that the man could still even fight if the need really came, even though he did have trouble with ODM gear now and couldn't make any fast moves the way he used to.
"Hey, Potato girl!" Sasha stiffened before whipping her head around to see who dared to call her with that old nickname. Had to be someone from their old class who had joined the garrison and never left it, but who?
"Don't call me that!" she hissed as she saw Samuel walking towards them. The man only laughed before saluting, but Sasha could just feel that it was to Levi, not her.
"Haven't seen you in a long time, Sasha" Samuel said "Why don't we spar a little, just like old times?"
Just like old times? Had she sparred with Samuel before? She wasn't sure… well, no reason to decline. Sure, he was a man, but he'd always been in the garrison, so his real fighting experience was minimal, right? Sasha could use that to her advantage, hopefully.
"Alright" she said, preparing herself as she saw Levi take some distance. Hopefully she wouldn't make a complete fool of herself, especially since she could see some garrison soldiers stopping their sparring to watch the two of them. It wasn't easy to be famous.
"Oh well, let's do this"
A.N: In case someone forgot: Samuel is one of the guys who were with Eren and the others cleaning the cannons when the Colossal titan attacked. He hit his head during the fall, but was saved by Sasha who shot a hook to his boot.
Also, when it comes to Levi, I obviously don't know yet how bad his condition is, so I'm going with this kind of version. That also means he'll be alive here even if he ends up dying in canon. *knocks the wood*
