Chapter 14
Sasha's smile just kept fading as more and more Marleyans left the ship, yet Nikolo was nowhere in sight. This was the third shipment, it'd been eleven months since he left, yet there had been no news of him.
"You're there, right?" she wondered, biting her lip "You're finally coming back, right?"
No such luck, she realized as the last Marleyan walked down the ramp. Jean would check the list of arrivals for her later, he always did, but she knew the cook wouldn't be on the list. It's not like she could've just missed him if he really had come. Disappointed, she turned around, ready to return to her duties. She locked eyes with Levi who was watching her, but he didn't say anything. How much did he know, Sasha wondered? Did he understand why she always stood here?
"Not that it matters" she told herself "He can't do a thing about it anyway."
XXXXX
Nikolo shifted the rifle leaning against his shoulder as he patrolled the streets with his assigned partner, Thomas. It had been a little under three months since he got here and, while there had been no major trouble, he hadn't been able to laze around, either. It was just like he had thought: things went by with a more or less routine way, but it was too hectic to say that life was easy. Not that Nikolo complained; having to do something for real made time pass by faster. In fact, that was a part he preferred more about his transfer than being at the home base. Still, he did want to go back in order to get to Paradis faster. Not that he'd suggest a transfer though; that'd be stupid. He couldn't come across as a complainer.
"All good so far" Thomas muttered "I wonder if that old man at the end of the street will be causing a ruckus again today?"
"If he is, we'll deal with it" Nikolo replied "But if it's just loud preaching, there's no need to waste our time on him. For all we know, there could be bigger trouble elsewhere."
Thomas was looking at him, Nikolo knew. He was about to say something, but was hesitating. Wanting to get it over with, whatever "it" was, he asked: "What?"
"Do you actually agree with that guy?" Nikolo looked at him, wanting him to be more specific. Thomas seemed to get the hint "Do you also think that we're making a mistake by having peace with the devils of Paradis and that we should waste no time before erasing them off the face of the Earth?"
"What I agree or disagree with doesn't matter, does it?" Nikolo asked, not wanting to take a side since he wasn't sure about Thomas' views about Eldians "I am a soldier, and a soldier does as he is ordered."
"Well yeah, but a soldier is not a machine" Thomas said with a slight shrug "Following orders is professional, but having opinions of your own is human. A soldier doesn't have to agree with everything as long as they put their orders before their own views."
True to a certain extent, Nikolo knew. Having slightly differing opinions caused no trouble unless the superiors were fanatics, but having a very different one would get eyes on him in the best case and, in the worst, make him an enemy of the whole military. He'd rather be careful.
"Turning this conversation to Thomas himself ought to shut him up" he thought, asking: "Are you asking me because you want them wiped out or because you're an Eldian sympathizer?"
"Wha-!?" Thomas looked at him, startled "How can you accuse me of being an Eldian sympathizer? I'd never- "
"So, you want them all dead?"
"I didn't say that, either!" Thomas hissed, massaging his temples with his free hand that wasn't carrying the rifle "It's not… the world isn't black and white, you know."
Oh, he knew, he'd learned it the hard way. He didn't know how Thomas knew about it and wasn't about to ask, either. However, he was glad to know that his partner seemed to be a somewhat reasonable man. That wasn't a given in Marley's military.
"Yeah, I know" Nikolo said quietly, giving Thomas a look that he hoped would tell the man to drop it. This wasn't a safe topic, especially out here on the street.
Fortunately, the guy was smart enough to leave it there.
XXXXX
There had been no major incidents with the Marleyans since the current arrangement started, but the border was still packed with survey corps and garrison soldiers, just in case. Sasha knew that it was better to be safe than sorry, but personally she felt tired of this and wanted to be positioned elsewhere, even if it was training with the garrison or handling cadets with Shadis. Being at the harbor just made her think of… stuff. Stuff being a certain Marleyan soldier, of course.
"Are you okay, Sasha?" Samuel asked, walking alongside her as they patrolled the coast line "You look a little down."
"I'm fine!" Sasha said quickly, not wanting to worry him "I'm just… uh…"
"Disappointed?" Samuel filled in. Sasha looked at him with surprise in her eyes, so he clarified: "You're waiting for someone from Marley, right? One of those war prisoners."
"…Yeah" Sasha admitted, seeing no sense in denying it. But how much did Samuel know and where had he heard? Had he spoken with Jean or Connie? Or was he simply that perspective? Wait, why did he look angry now? Or was she imagining it?
"What's wrong?" she asked, frowning. Samuel averted his gaze, saying: "It's nothing."
Sasha could've just dropped it, and she probably should've. But she didn't want to; she wanted to know what was wrong. So, against her better judgement, she kept insisting: "Liar. What is it?"
Samuel looked uncomfortable, but also like he'd break soon. Sasha wouldn't back down "Tell me."
"You shouldn't waste your time missing an enemy soldier!" Samuel blurted out "It's not like that man even cares about you!"
Sasha blinked, taking a while before it all sunk in. When it did, she glared.
"First of all: the war's over; he's not an enemy" she said, clenching her fists "Second: yes, he does!"
"You don't know that" Samuel argued, lowering his voice a little "He could very well have been playing nice so that he'd have it easier here."
That was true, Sasha knew that. But Nikolo had promised-
"He promised to come back" she said, biting her lip "Why would he promise that when he was already getting away if he didn't mean it?"
Sasha thought Samuel wouldn't have an answer to that, she was sure he wouldn't when he shrugged, but then he said: "I don't know, maybe it was just some final joke in your expense?"
No
"It wasn't" Sasha said, but a small part of her wasn't completely sure. However, she forced herself to bury that part as she repeated with tears in her eyes: "It wasn't!"
Through her blurry eyesight, Samuel looked a little guilty.
"Could be, but you can't know for sure" he said, putting his hands on Sasha's shoulders "Really Sasha, don't torture yourself like th- "
Sasha slapped him. It was purely on instinct. Or maybe it wasn't; maybe she really wanted to do it. She didn't know, but at that moment, she didn't care either. He had it coming.
"Shut up! You don't know anything!" she yelled, ignoring the looks they got from both Marleyans and Eldians alike. She turned around and ran away, ignoring Samuel's calls after her. As she ran, she almost pumped in to Levi, but managed to dodge at the last second. The captain said something to her, probably at least, she wasn't sure, but she just kept running. Samuel was wrong; Nikolo would come back to her. He promised.
He had to come back.
XXXXX
Nikolo sighed as he laid down on his bed, his shift for the day finally over. Not all that hard, but physically exhausting, as usual. Plus, it was hot outside.
"Hey Nikolo" Thomas said from the top bunk, catching his attention "Sorry about today."
"About what exactly?" Nikolo asked. He had a few guesses, but thought it better to not jump in to any conclusions.
"For bringing up the Eldians" Thomas clarified, coming down from the top bunk "I talked with the others, and I swear I had no idea before that that you were one of…"
"One of?" Nikolo repeated as the man didn't continue.
"One of the survivors from Paradis" he finished "Talking about Eldians probably isn't easy for you, so- "
"Don't sweat it" Nikolo interrupted with a shrug "If I was badly traumatized or something, I wouldn't have been allowed to return to duty. So obviously, I'm fine."
Thomas was looking at him with a conflicted expression, definitely still wanting to say something, but he didn't and Nikolo didn't want to press him. As long as he kept quiet, the guy might drop it. But of course, he had no such a luck.
"How fine exactly?" Thomas asked, but Nikolo wasn't quite sure what he was getting at, so the cook just raised an eyebrow "Are you able to talk about that place?" he paused, adding: "Actually, are you allowed to talk about that place?"
"To certain extent, yeah" Nikolo replied, getting a little sceptic "Why do you wanna know about it?"
"I'll likely be situated there sooner or later" Thomas said with a shrug, pulling out a chair before sitting down "So I want to be ready. Anything special I should look out for? Assuming you don't mind talking about this, of course."
"Not really, no" actually, he did, for he was afraid he'd let something unnecessary slip. But he couldn't let Thomas know that "As for something to look out for… well, I'd strongly recommend against calling them devils to their faces. They tend to not like that."
Thomas snorted.
"Obviously. Anything else?"
"Beware of the Ackermans and stay clear of the Colossal titan" Nikolo said with a chuckle "That little shit can see through anyone's schemes and is a pain in the ass."
"Little shit? Is the holder of the Colossal titan short or something?" Thomas asked before another thought hit him "Wait, are you saying you've dealt with it and the Ackerman clan directly?"
"Yeah, I did" Nikolo said "Also, avoid referring to their titan holders as "it." They won't like that."
Thomas seemed to ignore the comment as he continued: "And you actually got back from there alive… dude, you're something else."
"Not really" he said with a shrug "They just knew that killing me randomly would've been a bad tactic, which is why I'm still alive."
That and neither Armin or the Ackermans he knew were ones for random kills… or well, he wasn't completely sure about Levi. Hopefully he'd never have to find out, either.
"Still, it must've been tough" Thomas said "The guys said it was eight years…"
"Nine, actually" Nikolo corrected, chuckling "Though when I was kept in the dungeons it certainly felt even longer."
Thomas stared at him before apologizing again: "I'm sorry; I really shouldn't have brought this thing up."
"It's fine, really" Nikolo said, shaking his head with a small smile "Being treated like I could break at any moment gets on my nerves anyway."
"Then this will be a case of balancing between not breaking you but not getting on your nerves either, no?"
Nikolo blinked once, twice before bursting out in laughter. Thomas laughed alongside him. He supposed this placement would be better than he thought. At the very least, his partner was an amusing one to spend time with.
XXXXX
Sasha sat on the roof of one of the barracks. It was the most private place she could find, but it was fine since it had gotten dark. No one would realize she was there as long as they weren't specifically checking out the roof.
"To think this is where you ran off to, you brat" But of course, captain Levi was one to specifically check the roofs. Damn.
"Sorry captain" she said, having no energy to defend herself "I needed some time to calm down."
"I noticed" he said, and Sasha could hear him sit down. She wondered if he wiped the spot clean before he did "Well, did you have enough time?"
"…For the most part" she replied. She was fine now, but she didn't feel like seeing Samuel for a while.
"This is about that wine poisoning Marleyan, isn't it?" now Sasha turned to look at him, doing so with a glare. Levi only raised an eyebrow, so she said: "His name is Nikolo and you know it!"
"I know, but I don't care" Levi deadpanned "´Because I don't like him."
"I'm sure the feeling's mutual, captain" Sasha said back, starting to get mad at him, too. Why did he come after her, anyway?
"Samuel said that you wish for him to come back, something about a promise" Levi told her, narrowing his eyes "You're aware that he's responsible for the deaths of many of our comrades, right?"
Sasha averted her gaze. As much as she liked Nikolo, she couldn't deny that fact. She had still been unconscious when all went wrong, but she had no doubt the things told to her were true. She wished they weren't, but they were. It was a miracle they'd been able to save him from an execution, really.
"…We were at war" she said weakly "We also killed people in Marley. Civilians, too."
"True" Levi said "We did what we needed to as soldiers, and so did he."
Sasha looked at Levi in surprise. Was he defending Nikolo? She hadn't expected that… though she did remember Jean saying something about the captain speaking out in Nikolo's favor as well when his fate was discussed, but even so…
"Yet he's not a proper soldier"
"What?" Sasha asked, having no idea what Levi was getting at with that. With a sigh, Levi told her: "First, he did warn Hanji and the others about the wine. He could've done it earlier, but he could've also done it later. Doing it when he did was a betrayal to his own country."
Sasha bit her lip. That was true too, but-
"During the fight, he protected your family that was in the area. While his former deed could be explained as a desperate try to protect himself, this one could not. He was protecting the enemy."
"Just what are you getting at?" Sasha asked, furrowing her eyebrows "That he's pathetic?"
"Yes" Levi said, holding up a hand as Sasha was about to protest "I'm not finished."
Sasha was pretty sure she didn't want to let him finish, but held her tongue. As harsh as the captain's words tended to be, he usually had a point when he bothered to talk "This better be one of those times, too."
"There was also the time we were sure we couldn't save him, that he'd get executed. Back then, he asked me if I could work things out so that his execution could be postponed" Levi said. He paused after that, staring at Sasha. Unnerved, the woman asked: "Postponed for what exactly? Until when?"
"He wanted to wait until your survival was sure" Levi said "He didn't want to die knowing that you'd be going soon, too."
Sasha was speechless; she hadn't known this. Yes, she knew he'd visited her in the hospital when she was in coma, but this…
"Why didn't anyone tell me?" she choked out, barely holding back her tears. Had she known earlier-
"I thought he would have" Levi said, but Sasha wasn't sure if it was true or not. Then again, did he have a reason to lie? "Or Jean or Mikasa; they knew as well."
Those two really should have said something, especially Jean.
"One of the MPs heard the request when he made it" Levi continued "Told it to the others. I'm sure it played a part in the postponing of his execution and in the eventual pardoning of his crimes."
Sasha could imagine that. But knowing the MPs-
"I bet some of them insisted that what he said were calculated lines that he said to save his own skin" Sasha said, a hint of anger in her voice. She knew how the MPs thought.
"Yeah, they did" Levi said "But Armin took care of it."
"Armin!?" Sasha asked in surprise "How!?"
"By giving them various facts that made it look like Nikolo was way too unintelligent to think of a plan like that" Levi said, and Sasha thought she saw a smirk pass on his face for a split second. Must've been her imagination, though "He was convincing; can't say I disagreed."
"Pft" Sasha couldn't help it as she burst in to laughter. She didn't agree; but she didn't wonder how Armin managed to convince the MPs. Nikolo wasn't stupid, but easily came across like that for various reasons, his fear as a prisoner being one of them. At the beginning, she and Connie had pulled a few pranks on him by using their status differences as tools and gotten good laughs out of it, but when Jean had found out he had demanded them to stop. Still, it had been fu-
"Ah" a sudden realization hit Sasha. Grior must've noticed their pranks; that must've been the reason he said what he said all those years ago. She and Connie hadn't meant anything bad by those pranks, but he'd taken them as such. Now that she thought back to them, she couldn't wonder why. Burying her face in her hands, she muttered: "I'm such a fool."
"Can't disagree, but why the sudden realization?" Levi asked. Sasha raised her head, seeing him looking at her with a raised eyebrow. Ignoring his jab, she told him what he had just realized.
"I remember that guy; he's an asshole" Levi blurted out, not hiding his distaste for Grior in the slightest "You and Connie were young, you were children. Don't worry about it too much."
"…Okay"
"But you aren't children anymore" Levi spat "So quit with the damn pranks."
"No promises" Sasha said with a grin. Levi was not happy; she could see it "…But we'll tone it down."
"Is that the best I'll get?" Sasha nodded sheepishly "Cheeky brat. If I'm your target again, consider your life ended. Is this clear?"
"Yes, sir" Sasha saluted.
"Good" Levi said, struggling a little to get up. Sasha pretended not to notice, knowing that offering him a hand would get on Levi's pride "Are you coming down?"
"I think I'll stay up here for a little while" she said "I need some more time to think."
Levi left, and Sasha turned her gaze up to the stars, her mind being elsewhere completely. It seemed like there were things about Nikolo that she didn't know, but easily could have if she'd just asked around. Why hadn't she?
"I guess I just… took him for granted in a way" she thought with a sigh, pulling her knees up to her chest "I should've spent more time with him, especially outside of the kitchens… I wonder if he thought I just used him for food?"
XXXXX
"This stuff tastes so bland" Nikolo muttered as he ate his breakfast. Thomas snickered "Think you could do better, then?"
"Absolutely" Nikolo answered, much to Thomas' surprise "Cooking is a hobby of mine."
"Woah, that's rare for men" he paused "In my area at least. What about where you're from?"
"It's rare alright" Nikolo said with a sigh "Unless you do it for a living, cooking is apparently unmanly" he was looking straight at Thomas as he said this, pretty much daring him to agree. If he was gonna get shit from the guy, he might just as well get it to his face now.
"You trying to set up some kid of trap here?" Thomas said with a roll of his eyes "I honestly don't care; people use their free time with weirder shit than that."
Nikolo stared at him for a while before chuckling. He was far too sensitive about this subject, he supposed.
"I suppose they do" Nikolo said "So, what weird shit do you do in your free time?"
"Me? I don't" Thomas smirked "I'm awesome; everything I do is cool!"
Nikolo laughed.
XXXXX
"Rise and shine, Sasha!" Sasha opened her eyes groggily, wondering why her back hurt so much. Had she fallen from her bed without waking up and slept on the floor or something? "Breakfast is ready!"
That got her up, her head almost colliding with Hanji's, but the commander pulled back just in time.
"Wait, Hanji?" she wondered, finally looking around. She was still on the roof "Oh" she had fallen asleep there "Oops."
"Oops indeed" Hanji said with a small smile "We got worried when we didn't see you at breakfast, but fortunately, Levi knew to tell us to check the roof."
"Sorry" Sasha said as she stood up "I must've been way more tired than I thought."
"No worries, let's just hope you don't catch a cold!" the commander said, patting Sasha's shoulders "Now, let's get you something to eat!"
That's what Sasha liked to hear, and she knew Hanji knew it too. Looking at the commander, she could tell that the older woman had been more cheerful lately. She supposed it was because the peace had been on almost a year now without any trouble; she must finally be starting to think that things might actually work out.
"I hope things stay peaceful from now on too" she thought, knowing that it'd be hard to get used to war again if one broke out now. Not that one could ever be used to it, but over the years majority of the veterans had just… gone numb to it all. To them, it had simply been life as they knew it. It was cruel, it was tragic, but it was reality. "But it doesn't have to be that way anymore; we can keep up the peace."
Not that she herself could do much, Sasha knew that, but she'd still do her best. But first, food. An army marches on its stomach, as Yelena had once said when Nikolo complained about Sasha barging in to the kitchen and-
"…"
"Really? I'm now thinking of him right in the morning?" Sasha thought with a groan as she gathered herself some breakfast "It's so ridiculous… but I want to see him."
Perhaps there was no denying it. With this strong feeling of longing, perhaps she really was in lo-
"Sasha" she almost dropped her tray, having not noticed Samuel's approach as she had been lost in her thoughts "Careful."
She was, really. She'd stabilized the tray fast, not wanting to waste even one crumb of food. Now, since her food was safe, she turned her attention to Samuel. She couldn't deny still being a little mad at him, but she also knew that she'd overreacted the day before.
"What's up Samuel?" she asked, deciding to not to bring it up if he didn't "Did you eat already?"
"No, actually" he said "Mind if I join you?"
"Sure" Sasha went ahead to pick a table as Samuel got himself food. At least he wasn't mad at her… then again, why would he be? He was the one who had been a jerk, not her! She'd slapped him, sure, but his cheek barely had a mark on it…
As Samuel sat across from her, she decided to let him to start a conversation for once. If he wanted to.
"Sasha" seems like he did. She lifted her gaze up to him to show that she was listening "I'm sorry about yesterday; I should've kept my mouth shut."
Yeah, he should have. Or maybe not; thanks to him making her lose her cool, Levi had come to talk to her and she'd learned something new. In the end, everything had turned out alright. Swallowing her food, she said: "It's fine… and I suppose I should apologize, too; I overreacted a little."
"Not really; I was insulting your friend after all. I… went too far" yeah, he did, but since he admitted it and apologized, all was good.
"No worries" Sasha says, smiling genuinely "I'll introduce you guys once he comes back. Then you'll see firsthand how wrong you were!"
Samuel didn't believe her; Sasha could see it in his eyes. That hurt a little, but she couldn't blame him. He didn't know Nikolo; he didn't know what she did.
"He'll learn, eventually" she told herself "So hurry up, Nikolo."
