A.N: Sorry this is so late! I was busy with my SnK -lecture for an anime convention, NikoSashaWeek, other one shots… yadda yadda, the normal stuff. But at least I got a chapter out this month too.

Chapter 15

Jean walked in first, holding the door open for Nikolo. He could see Connie and Mikasa in the room, the former standing at the foot of a bed while the later sat on a chair next to it. And on the bed was Sasha, he could see it now. He went closer, no one even tried to stop him. Standing by her side now, his heart broke as he saw how pale she was. She was breathing, but they were shallow breaths. Would she really be able to pull through?

"Why?" he muttered, not taking his eyes off of Sasha "Just why did you guys let this happen? Why didn't you protect her?"

Jean told him what had happened, how they hadn't reacted fast enough. It wasn't their fault, Nikolo knew, but even so, he couldn't help but be angry. What if Sasha never woke up? What if he never got to see her smile, hear her laugh again? Somehow, he couldn't pare the thought. That couldn't happen; he needed her; he needed her so much. She was a speck of light in the middle of this horrible war, the reason for him to keep going in this cruel world.

"It's meaningless… this stupid war is meaningless. The hell do we need it for anyway?" he thought "Why can't we all just… get along?"

Of course, he knew why. Just a few years ago he would've laughed himself breathless had someone asked him that. But now he knew better, he knew the islanders weren't devils. Some of them were horrible, but there were horrible people everywhere, so that meant nothing.

Would it have made a difference if he'd understood all this earlier?

Nikolo jolted up in his bed, taking in heavy breaths. It took him a moment before he understood it'd all been a memory, a dream. Too bad the image of Sasha's unnaturally pale face hadn't left his mind along with the dream.

"You okay?" Thomas asked, already out of his bed and getting dressed "You look a little pale."

"Yeah, I'm fine" Nikolo said, getting up as well "It was just a dream."

"…A nightmare?"

"Yes" Nikolo searched for his socks "Or well, more like a memory."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Thomas asks as he finishes buttoning his jacket.

"No thanks, I'm good" Nikolo answers, frowning as he looks under the bed "Have you seen my socks?"

"The ones on your feet?" Nikolo looks at his feet, nodding, blushing as Thomas laughs "You're a bit out of it this morning."

"Seems like it" Nikolo says with a sigh, moving on to his other clothes. He can feel Thomas's eyes on him "Are you sure you're okay? I can tell our superiors that- "

"I'm fine" Nikolo interrupted him "Really. I'm a bit out of it, but will be back to normal by the time our shift starts."

Thomas eyed him skeptically, but in the end left it that. Nikolo was grateful for it.

XXXXX

Sasha heaved out a sigh that was both disappointed and content when she took the first sip of the soup in front of her. It was really good, but it wasn't like any of the ones Nikolo made. The tastes in his dishes were always so well balanced, no spice tasting too strongly or too mildly. This particular soup however seemed to have various spices, but not enough of a certain one for it to be a main ingredient, nor did the tastes even go that well together.

"I just got used to too much good" Sasha told herself "Stop being a brat."

"You okay Sasha?" Jean's concerned voice pulled her out of her thoughts "You look like you're spacing out again."

"Yeah, I'm good" she says, smiling sheepishly "Just thinking."

Jean was looking at her in a way that told Sasha that he was wondering if he should say whatever was in his mind or not. Sasha didn't want to urge him in to talking; if Jean, who was often blunt to a fault, was hesitating to say something, it was probably something she wouldn't like. She didn't want to risk ruining her morning. But it seemed that Jean had decided to take the risk.

"I could ask Hanji to relocate you somewhere else" he offered "You'd get something else to think about."

Jean didn't need to specify what she should get her mind off of; she knew it already and Jean knew she knew. And she wanted to leave, she really did, but what if-

"I'll find a way to inform you the second I find out if he gets here" Jean said "I promise."

If. Jean said if; he didn't believe in Nikolo's return, either. Was she the only one who thought he'd keep his promise?

"But I can't blame him" Sasha told herself. Instead, she chose to take Jean up on his offer "Yeah, please do that. It's getting boring here anyway."

Jean smiled, and to Sasha he looked relieved. She wasn't sure what to make of that.

"You should finish that; our lunch break is almost over" Jean said, speeding Sasha up. Just because the soup wasn't as good as what Nikolo made, she definitely wasn't going to waste it. Not a single drop.

XXXXX

"So… you got a woman waiting for you back home?" Nikolo nearly dropped his water bottle as Thomas asked this out of the blue. Getting over his surprise, he looked at the guy with a raised eyebrow "No, why?"

"You repeat a woman's name in your sleep from time to time" Thomas replied, making Nikolo go pale "Who did you tell!?"

Thomas laughs.

"No one, why would I have?" he says, now it being his turn to raise an eyebrow "Why the panic?"

Nikolo swallows, he doesn't know what to answer that. He only knew that he'd messed up, shouting out like that.

"C'mon, I won't tell anyone" Thomas said, taking a sip from his own water bottle before continuing: "Is she someone your family doesn't approve of? Taken? Or someone who doesn't answer your feelings?" he paused "Actually, now that I think about it, "Sasha" could also be a guy's name. Is that what this is about?"

"What!?" Nikolo asks again. It was absurd… but wait, Thomas thinking that would still be better than him knowing the truth- "No way; I'm not going down that path even if it really is much safer."

Shaking the thought away from his mind, Nikolo says: "No, she's a woman. It's just… really complicated. I'd rather not talk about it."

Thomas stares at him and Nikolo's sure he's going to start insisting like his brother always does, but to his surprise Thomas just says: "Okay."

The cook can't help but look at him in disbelief. This is what he wanted of course, but he couldn't believe it had been so easy with this guy.

"Don't look at me like that" Thomas says "Normally, I'd pry any information I could out of people when it comes to these things, but you… when you call out her name, it's clearly nightmares you're having. I don't want to pry in to something like that too much."

He was right; Nikolo couldn't deny that. When he had nightmares, Sasha was often in them. It was also possible that he had had some that he didn't even remember when he woke up, so Thomas might've heard him call out her name way more times than he thought.

"I'm on all ears if you want to talk about it, though" Thomas said "Sometimes it helps after all."

"Thanks" Nikolo meant it, even if he'd never talk to him about her for safety reasons "I appreciate it."

XXXXX

"I talked to Hanji" Jean says to Sasha that night "You'll leave to deliver a message to the capital next week. After that, you go and join Connie… and instructor Shadis."

Sasha looks at him in surprise, having a hard time believing it was that easy.

"Hanji's perspective too you know" Jean says after she voices her thoughts "She probably can't place it the way Connie and I can, but she can tell something's been bothering you. And it's peaceful here now, so there's no need to keep us all here."

"I guess not" Sasha says, making a mental note to thank Hanji and apologize to her for the extra trouble later "Thanks Jean."

"No problem" Jean says, chuckling "Just try to not give Shadis too many grey hairs."

"He's bald, Jean" Sasha pointed out, but Jean just pointed at his chin "He has a small beard these days, doesn't he?"

Sasha couldn't help but laugh at that.

XXXXX

Nikolo and Thomas had their first day off in a while, and for the first time they had decided to spend it together. Or well, Thomas had decided, but it's not like Nikolo minded; he had nothing better to do after all. Plus, it's not like Thomas was the type who would get them in trouble.

"Probably; it's not like I know him all that well" Nikolo thought, but knew that even if Thomas did get him in to some kind of mess, it could in no way be worse than what Sasha and Connie tended to get him in to.

"Where should we go?" Thomas asks, pretty much answering his own question right after "We move around a lot when patrolling, but all that that puts strain on is our legs. How about some actual sports?"

"Sure" Nikolo said "There's a tennis court nearby, right?"

"Yup" Thomas said, already stretching his arms as a warm up "Hopefully you don't hate losing too much."

"Not really, but it doesn't matter since I don't plan on losing" he answered "Hopefully you're not a sore loser."

"Not as sore as your arms will be afterwards" Thomas said with a smirk "Race you to the tennis court?"

Nikolo's answer to that was to sprint off in to the direction of their destination, laughing as protesting Thomas ran after him. This'd be a fun day.

XXXXX

Sasha was in a good mood, humming as she and Samuel patrolled the coastline. The man kept glancing at her, probably curious about her good mood, but Sasha didn't really care, not today. She was really looking forward to the change of pace and since she would head for the capital, it was likely she'd run in to Mikasa too. It had been way too long since she'd last seen the woman.

"You're awfully happy today" Samuel finally said "What's the occasion?"

"Nothing really, just getting relocated next week" Sasha told "A small trip to wall Sina and after that I'm joining Connie!"

"…Isn't Connie where Shadis is, though?" Samuel asked, making Sasha pout "Why do you insist on ruining my good mood?"

"Sorry" Samuel laughed, his smile fading a little "It'll be lonely without you here…"

Sasha's smile faded a little too. That's right; she and Samuel had been stuck with each other while on duty quite a while now. They were used to having each other around. It's not like she wouldn't miss him.

"It's not like I'll be there forever; I'm sure we'll team up eventually again!" she said "We could meet up on our vacations too!"

"True" Samuel said, smiling back at her "It's also possible that Shadis kicks you out during the first few months or so."

"Hey!" Sasha protested, playfully punching his arm as they both laughed "I'm not that bad!"

"I think the instructor might disagree" the man said "At the very least, try not to get Connie in to too much trouble with you."

"No promises" Sasha said and they both laughed.

XXXXX

"I suppose you're not such a sore loser after all" Nikolo snickered as he and Thomas walked away from the tennis court. It was a tight match, but in the end the cook had taken the win "Too bad we didn't make any loser pays for lunch -deal."

"I never took you for the type who'd rub it in" Thomas said, but he was smiling as well "I'll win in the next game."

Nikolo raised an eyebrow, asking: "You still want to play something? I think a lunch break would be a better idea…"

"Sure, but after it" Thomas said, smirking "Unless you don't have enough stamina?"

"We're soldiers, what do you think?" Nikolo replied "Pick whatever sport you want and I'll take you down again."

"Wow, someone's confident" Thomas said "Next game's loser is paying for dinner?"

"Sure thing" Nikolo said. In reality he wasn't as overly confident as he acted, but that was part of the fun "What do you want for lunch?"

"Something light since we'll still play" Thomas said "Sandwiches?"

"Sounds like a plan" Nikolo agreed. Normally, he'd like to try out something new, something different in a town somewhat new to him, but they really did need something light… and something that fit their budgets.

"Get lost!" instinctively, Nikolo first thought the angry yell was directed at him, but soon saw that that wasn't the case as he followed Thomas' gaze to a group of men around their age, perhaps slightly younger. One on the ground, three others kicking him. The soldier really didn't need to guess twice who of that group was Eldian and who wasn't "Assholes…"

He wanted to interrupt. He should interrupt, but again, the fear for his own position held him back. People in this town didn't really know him, but a word about a man that defended an Eldian would surely get around, likely reaching his superiors too. That'd be bad, especially since he was probably still under scrutiny. Plus, he was with Thomas. While he highly doubted that the man would give him a hard time about it to his face here and now if he were to defend the Eldian, he saw it very likely that Thomas would bring it up to their superiors later on, perhaps even out of worry about his mental health. The guy seemed to worry a lot after all.

"There's blood" Thomas' words got Nikolo out of his thoughts, and he caught the other soldier still watching the beating, slightly shaking his head "Those guys are going too far."

Nikolo couldn't disagree. And yet, he was shocked when he saw Thomas stride forward, right towards the four men.

"Alright guys, that's about enough, don't you think?" he said, getting the attention of the trio and pretty much everyone on the ear shot "Eldian or not, you'll have some trouble if you kill him."

One of the men rolled his eyes, but the small smirk told Nikolo that he wasn't angry with Thomas. Yet. Worried about his friend, Nikolo went closer in order to hear better and to be ready to interfere if the need came.

"It's an Eldian; those monsters can bare a beating or two" he said, kicking the man still on the ground for emphasis "This one especially; it hasn't died before, so I highly doubt it'll die today."

This was a usual occurrence? Nikolo really felt like punching the guy but, again, he was a coward. He hated himself for it, and hated himself even more for the fact that he hoped for Thomas to handle the situation somehow despite knowing that it could land his partner in to trouble too.

"Well, I suppose it won't, not from something weak like that" Thomas sounded off, Nikolo realized. He had a bad feeling about this "I'll show you what a real kick is."

That really alarmed Nikolo and he was ready to move in, planning to claim that it was in order to stop Thomas from getting in trouble, but he stopped after the first step as he saw the position the other soldier was taking. There was absolutely no way he'd stand like that if he wanted to make a good kick.

"But if he does it properly, it'll definitely look really bad" Nikolo thought, catching on. Thomas knew how to play both sides, apparently.

Sure enough, the soldier kicked the man on the ground, but with his trained and prepared eyes, Nikolo could tell that it wasn't nearly as hard of a kick as it looked. Judging from the faces of the three and some onlookers though, he was the only one who noticed.

"That's how you make a real kick" Thomas said. The only problem now, Nikolo realized, was that it might provoke the others to do even more. Surely Thomas had a plan in case that happened?

"Not bad, show us another example!" another one of the guys piped up, which was exactly what Nikolo had feared. And the slight change in Thomas' face and the nervous shift of his body told him that the guy hadn't thought up a backup plan for this, either "That idiot."

Thinking as he went, Nikolo walked over in hopes of being able to fix the situation.

"I really don't think that's a good idea" Nikolo said, seeing the other people's frowns clear as day but also his fellow soldier's quick, grateful smile "If you kick him that hard again, we might have a body in our hands. That'll cause us way too much trouble… or at least, I don't want to be fired for killing someone in the middle of the street."

"Yeah yeah, me neither" Thomas said hastily "I hadn't thought of that!"

"Not that it's any of my business" Nikolo started, turning to the three men "But it would mean trouble for you too. So, unless you want one Eldian to cost you your reputations, it might be for the best to go about your business for now."

The bunch of hooligans did look hesitant after that. The one out of the three who'd been the quietest 'till now was the first to speak up: "He has a point. Let's just get back to work."

"…Yeah, let's" the other two agreed, another of them addressing Thomas again before walking away "Nice kick!"

"Thanks!" Thomas said with cheerfulness which was so clearly fake to Nikolo that he had to wonder how come no one else caught on. After the three started walking, anyone who'd been watching quickly went about their own business again. Soon it was just the two soldiers and the Eldian on the ground, no one paying attention to them, or so Nikolo hoped at least. He was debating if he should help the Eldian up or not, but Thomas beat him to it.

"C'mon, get up before someone else gets tempted to kick you" he said, pulling the man up by his forearm "Unless you have somewhere really important to go to, I suggest you head home. No point in staying in town and risking more conflicts with injuries like that."

"…Thank you" the man said quietly, quickly scurrying off. Thomas sighed and shook his head before turning to Nikolo "So… lunch?"

Nikolo didn't have much of an appetite after the sight, not to mention he was busy wondering what went through Thomas' head, but as he didn't want to give the other guy any ideas, he ended up agreeing.

"Yeah, let's go."

XXXXX

"I can't believe I got stuck on this island of filthy devils" Sasha could hear the Marleyan soldier loud and clear, but decided to pretend she didn't. As much as she'd like to give the man a piece of her mind, these days she was politically correct enough to keep her mouth shut. Plus, these soldiers looked young, though not as young as she was when she started out. Gosh, when had she gotten this old?

"Quit complaining; we'll only be here for three months" another said "It's nothing compared to the nine years so many had to suffer!"

"…Yeah, you're right" Sasha was looking at the Marleyans from the corner of her eye, seeing that the one who spoke now seemed a little shameful "Of course I get that; they had it super hard, especially since they could never know if they'd live to see another day or if they'd ever get home… but c'mon, you can't deny this sucks for us too, can you?"

"Well no, but just shut it" the other one said "My brother survived nine years in this hell hole, so I don't want to hear any complains about a time as short as three months, got it?"

That caught Sasha's interest; could it be she knew the guy's brother? Now that she thought about it, she was pretty sure Nikolo had two brothers, could this man be one of them!?

"Shit man, sorry! I had no idea…" Sasha turned her head, now looking at them boldly so she wouldn't miss anything "How's he doing now? Is he okay?"

"Name, say his name!" Sasha thought. She needed to know if it was Nikolo… or maybe someone else that she knew?

"He's getting better" the man said with a shrug "They didn't accept him back to service at first, but now he's working again. I just really hope that no one gets the idea of sending him back here…"

"Surely they wouldn't do that; we have enough soldiers to do these things. And they can send us to second rounds if needed; as much as I hate this, I'd rather do multiple three month trips here than allow any of the people like your brother suffer more" well what do you know, Sasha supposed this guy was a good one in the end. She supposed he just had some prejudices.

"Me too" the other one says with a sigh "In all honesty, I would've preferred if my brother had just quit military. After everything that happened, no one would've blamed him."

Sasha was sure that was true. While she liked to think that they had treated the prisoners well, there had been some problems with some people getting hurt. And it was like those two had said; it's not like they'd known for sure if they'd ever get home. No matter how many times her life had been in a grave danger, she couldn't imagine what it would've felt like to be captured by the enemies.

"I should've asked Eren; he was an expert on that" Sasha thought, unable to hold in the snicker for her own black humor. That however was heard by the Marleyan duo, their attention drifting to her.

"You hear something funny?" the brother of the former war prisoner asked, and it took a moment for Sasha to realize that he was speaking to her "Well?"

"Ah, no no" Sasha hurried to explain, not wanting to give them an even worse picture of Paradis and Eldians "What you said just made me think of something funny is all!"

The man narrowed his eyes and came closer, which was when Sasha noted that there was something very familiar about his features. Whoever his brother was, Sasha must have met him and more than once.

"And you just happened to hear us?" he asked, making Sasha laugh nervously "We~ll I was… kind of eavesdropping?"

The man frowned, but the other one came over as well, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"C'mon Horst, don't make a scene" he said "Just ignore her, alright?"

Horst was the man's name. Nikolo had told Sasha the names of his brothers, and while Sasha wasn't completely sure what they were anymore, she was sure she'd know if she heard them. This guy wasn't Nikolo's brother "But he really does look familiar…"

Horst scoffed, but sighed then, saying: "Right. I don't want to worry my family; they're worried enough as it is with me being here."

Part of Sasha felt that he said that for the purpose of trying to get a reaction out of her. Whet ever that was the case or not, she wasn't going to grant him that satisfaction.

"Let's go" Horst said, but Sasha wasn't done. Now that she'd realized how familiar he looked, she just had to know who his brother was "Wait!"

The two Marleyans halted, Horst glaring at her while the other one just raised a sceptic eyebrow "What?"

"Um… just…" the fierce glare made Sasha stutter, but she couldn't back down now "What is your brother's name? I worked a lot with the war prisoners and you look familiar, so I probably know him."

"None of your fucking business, especially if you're one of those who caused him trouble while he was stuck in this hellhole!" he turned back around again "Let's go."

Watching the retreating backs of the Marleyans, Sasha sighed. That really could've gone better.

XXXXX

Dinner time, Nikolo's treat. What happened earlier that day had kept his mind distracted, though he wasn't going to deny the possibility that he might've lost anyway. He just didn't believe he would've gotten such a crushing defeat had he not been distracted.

"So much about you winning" Thomas said as he munched on his hamburger. Nikolo rolled his eyes, saying: "How was I supposed to know you'd choose basketball and that you had it as a hobby for ten years?"

"You could've asked" the guy grinned "But you know, with both of us being soldiers in good shape, I didn't expect such a crushing win."

Nikolo averted his eyes, not sure how to brush that off. Saying that he was tired about their tennis match probably wouldn't be convincing enough. He saw Thomas frown, and then the guy asked: "Are you thinking about what happened earlier today?"

Darn, he was too perspective.

"I appreciated the help, really" he said "But I understand if the idea of helping an Eldian didn't sit well with you after all you've been through."

"No, that's not it" Nikolo admitted, though it might've been better for him in the long run to say it was exactly that. He had to choose his words carefully "It's just… while I was in Paradis, I was in the receiving end of treatment like that, so I…"

"Ah" Thomas let out "So it brought back bad memories?"

"…Yeah" well, Nikolo wasn't lying, it was that too. But what he had originally been getting at was that he more or less knew what it was like. However, it might be better not to tell Thomas that.

"Sorry, if I had realized it'd have an affect like that, we could've just walked by the whole scene" Nikolo didn't really like that idea, either, no matter how much safer it'd be to do just that. He just couldn't close his eyes anymore.

"No, don't do that" he said, making Thomas look at him in surprise. Nikolo hesitated, but now would've been the worst possible time to back down, so he continued: "I'm not sure why you did it, but you must have your reasons, so don't hold yourself back just because of me."

"…Alright" Thomas said. To Nikolo, he sounded a bit weirded out, but knowing the other guy he'd probably leave it at that "But if something like this happens again, you should just walk away if it becomes too much for you to handle. Deal?"

"…Deal" Nikolo said.

It's not like it was Thomas' place to define what was too much for him after all.