Chapter 36
Nikolo sat on his hospital bed, eating lunch. It had been a few days since he'd snapped at Richter, and thankfully that hadn't happened again after that. Not that he'd even seen the particular officer, anyway. He'd been questioned several times by different people, both officially and what he was sure was unofficially, but surprisingly, all his questioners had been rather civil. It was either a very good sign or a strategy to get him drop his guard and snap again at the moment most favorable to them.
"I'd probably be waiting in a cell right now if it weren't for my injuries" Nikolo thought. He supposed it was a small silver lining to the beating he took. After all, he didn't like cells. Too many memories. Bad memories "No, don't think about that now."
He took a deep breath, trying to force his mind to stay away from the darkest parts of his life. And failing.
It had always been a little odd to him that while he had definitely been more scared, terrified, really, shortly after he'd been captured and was held in the cells with the other fresh war prisoners than he'd been when serving his time after all he'd done came to light, it was the later that sometimes haunted him at night and left more scars, both literally and figuratively. Not that the literal ones were a surprise; he'd been beaten up often at the time, unlike the first time he ended up in the cells when the worst he got was some harsh shoves, and even those had usually been after he'd run his mouth. He supposed that no longer fearing being eaten had chipped away a lot of the original terror he'd felt, and his desire to see and spend time with Sasha again certainly had helped him to go on.
"Sasha… it's really going to take a long time until I can see her again, huh…" he thought, taking another deep breath. He didn't know how long he'd be imprisoned, and after that, he had no idea how long it'd take to get to Paradis, especially since he'd be a civilian "At this point, my best chance of getting to her might very well be to serve my time and then try to get there illegally."
And that was a bad idea, he knew. Even if he got there, which was unlikely in itself, there was no say how they would treat someone who'd decided to sneak on the island unannounced. If he managed to run in to Sasha or some of his other friends right away, then he'd likely be safe, but the chances for that were very slim. And even if he managed to slip on to the island undetected, his trip would likely be interrupted at the first gates of the walls. At least, when he'd left, everyone going through the four outermost gates was identified, including their reasons for leaving, and everyone returning were identified as well. Nikolo highly doubted that the practice would've been abandoned, especially since there were Marleyan soldiers roaming at the harbor these days.
"No need to think about that now… first, I'll have to wait and hear how long I'll be locked up. After I know that, I'll know how long I have to think and plan" Nikolo told himself "Who knows, maybe by the time I get out, I can just go there as a civilian tourist."
He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing, though. If that was the case when he got out, then that meant he'd have a long sentence. Really long.
"Or maybe not, if there was some kind of uprising here" Nikolo snorted at the thought. Unlikely, especially in the current world situation. Even those who didn't approve of the current govern wouldn't risk causing any major trouble in these barely balanced times. One mistake could cost them the peace.
A knock on the door brought Nikolo out of his thoughts. That was probably for the best; it did him no good dwelling in his thoughts too much.
"Come in" he called, and the people did. In came, to his surprise, five people: the colonel, two men that had questioned him during these few days, both together and separately, plus two soldiers who were not high ranked nor did he recognize. Pushing the last observation to the back of his mind for now, he saluted, this time managing to stand up and do it properly.
"At ease, soldier" the colonel said "Don't tire yourself out too much."
Nikolo sat back on the bed, keeping the comment of standing for a few moments not doing him any harm to himself.
"I'll get straight to the point" the man continued "As I'm sure you know, normally your actions would've let to an immediate arrest but, due to your condition, we saw it wasn't necessary. However, simply brushing this off and pretending it never happened is out of the question."
"Of course, sir" Nikolo had accepted his fate, as unfair as he saw it as. He had to pick his battles.
"Normally, this would lead to a jail time and forced resigning, or starting again from the bottom in some cases" Normally? "But considering your experience in the front lines, as a war prisoner for nine years, we saw that following the usual protocol in your case would not be wise."
That was not something Nikolo had been expecting. He hadn't even considered how his time on Paradis could affect the punishment he'd get. Could it be that, having served his country for so long, he'd get off easily? Simply being discharged? Or that and a short jailtime on top of it?
"Considering that and your behavior, we have more than enough reason to conclude that you've become sympathetic for the Eldians to a dangerous point"
"Right, of course that's what he meant" Nikolo thought, gritting his teeth. He did his best to keep his annoyance away from his face and body language. Would this cause a far longer sentence? Or land him in to an isolated cell? At least in the latter case he wouldn't have to worry about violence from other prisoners if the word got around.
"Then again, we can't really blame you, for the very same reasons. Your condition could, in a sense, be considered to have been caused by our incompetence to save you all earlier" the colonel continued, but it made Nikolo even wearier. The word "condition" in this context couldn't mean anything good "And with that, we've concluded that prison is not the right place for you."
"…May I ask what is, sir?" he asks, his eyes narrowing as he reminded himself to keep his cool.
The colonel nodded to one of the two men who'd questioned him earlier, he wasn't wearing a military uniform now either, the soldier noted, and the man said: "After a careful psychological evaluation, we've come to the conclusion that a hospital is a better and more humane option, considering your circumstances."
Nikolo didn't quite follow; he was sure he was missing something.
"Pardon me, sir, but I already am in a hospital" he says, furrowing his brows in confusion "And I don't think I'll need that long to recover anymore; I'll be fine if I just take it easy."
There's a wry smile on the man's face at this, and somehow, Nikolo doesn't like it.
"I didn't mean this kind of hospital" he says "Yes, you'll be fine physically in a few weeks, maybe a month, but it's not your physical health we are worried about."
It took a few moments for Nikolo to understand the heavy implications behind that. He was sure everyone in the room were able to tell the exact moment he got it from the widening of his eyes.
"You're sending me to a mental hospital?" he asks, barely keeping his voice low enough to not to be considered yelling.
"That's the short version of it, yes" the man said. Nikolo wondered if he was some sort of psychologist "You were very young when captured by the enemy; you were still at an age that is easily influenced, especially with how much time they had- "
"Bullshit" Nikolo cut him off "All they did was make me see reality, see that the way we treat Eldians here is just plain wrong. And you say that wanting to treat people with basic human decency is what makes me crazy? It's you who's crazy, our whole system is crazy and fucked up and needs to be changed!"
"And this exactly is our point" the colonel said once Nikolo was finished "You need help."
"Yes, I do" Nikolo spat, openly glaring at them now as he stood up "Help with changing the people in this country in to at least somewhat decent human beings!"
A silence filled the room. The two soldiers in the back looked from one person to other nervously, but the colonel and the other two didn't seem faced by his outburst. They had probably been expecting it.
"You should rest" he is told, and the five men proceed to leave. Before they do, the colonel gestures to the two soldiers, saying: "These two will stay outside your door, just in case you need something. Have a good rest."
Nikolo just glared at them, not bothering to salute as they left. He had briefly considered just rushing out of here, but knew he didn't really have a real chance to do so; he was wounded, and it was five on one, not to mention at least three of those five were soldiers. He'd never make it.
Once the door closed, he collapsed back on to the bed, more out of emotional than physical exhaustion.
"Mental hospital, huh?" Nikolo thought, gritting his teeth. He supposed it made sense; while putting him in jail would get him out of the way just as effectively, claiming that he'd been driven crazy by the devils of Paradis would make Eldia look bad and increase people's, especially his fellow soldiers', wariness towards them, making it easier for Marley to keep control. But for his personal future, this was much worse than jail. First, he had no idea when he'd get out; they would only let him go once they saw him as healed enough, assuming they were planning to let him go in the first place, that is. Second, if he eventually did, no one would believe a word he said anymore when it came to Eldians. And if he wasn't careful with what he said, he'd end up right back in.
"Just how did things end up this way…?"
XXXXX
"Jean, you got a minute?" Sasha asks as she finally manages to catch Jean alone while he doesn't seem to be in a hurry.
"…Sure" the man says "Unless you're trying to bum food from me, that is."
Sasha pouted.
"No" she said "Will you ever stop saying stuff like that?"
"When it stops being likely" Jean grinned "In other words, probably never."
"Jerk" Sasha said, sticking her tongue out at him before remembering that she sought him out for a reason "Jean, about the thing the commander asked you to do…"
Jean seemed to understand immediately. Taking a quick look around him, he asks: "What? Have you heard something?"
"Well, kinda…" Sasha muttered "You know how you sometimes tell those not so nice stories of yours about the Marleyans when you drink with the others?"
When Jean nods, she continues: "Well, I talked with some of them, and they were concerned about your drinking habits."
Jean just stares at her, and she stares back. Finally, their staring contest is broken by the corner of the man's mouth twisting upwards before he starts laughing.
"What?" Sasha asks, confused.
"People actually worry about that?" Jean asks, still laughing "I haven't been drinking much at all; I just act drunk while in reality, I'm tipsy at best!" ´
Sasha blinked before laughing along. Right, Jean had a good alcohol tolerance and while he wasn't on Armin's level, he did know how to fool people. She felt a little bad for even bringing this up.
"The others are concerned, though" she told him "Maybe you should tone it down a notch?"
"Noted" Jean snorted. The sudden frown on his face caught Sasha off guard "What's going on over there?"
Sasha turns around, seeing Daz and Samuel ways away, clearly arguing about something. She tried to concentrate, but even her sharp ears didn't really catch anything of what they were saying properly. She supposed that, despite Daz's wild movements, the two were actually speaking rather quietly.
"Looks like they're fighting" Sasha said with a frown "I wonder what happened?"
"Whatever it was, since they're fighting while on duty, it's partly our business" Jean says, and they watch as Daz stomps off "I'll go after Daz, you go talk to Samuel."
"Right" Sasha said, and they hurried to their respective targets, Sasha reaching hers first "Samuel!"
"What?" he seemed a little annoyed, but Sasha just assumed that it was mostly because of his fight with Daz and not because of her.
"What was that about?" at his confused look, she clarified "You and Daz fighting, I mean."
"Ah, that" Samuel was clearly uncomfortable as he grimaced "Nothing really, just a little disagreement."
Sasha raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. The man seemed to get the message as he said: "Daz was just complaining a little about the Marleyans' attitude and I told him to keep it down since they might hear it, and things just escalated from there."
"Has something happened? Between him and the Marleyans?"
Samuel shook his head.
"Not as far as I know, nothing major I mean. Those guys just have an attitude problem, the same as with everyone else, but Daz isn't taking it too well" he answered "I'm not fond of it at all either, but I control myself better."
Sasha frowned, putting a hand to her chin in thought.
"Maybe he should be sent back inland, just in case…? We don't need any extra trouble" she says "Then again, this can occur with anyone. It would be far better if he could just learn to deal with it. But…"
"I don't think he'll actually do anything if that's what you're worried about" Samuel said with a wry smile "Don't tell him I said this, but c'mon, it's Daz; even if he wanted to, he wouldn't have the guts!"
Sasha couldn't help herself; she laughed.
"He's a soldier like us you know; none of us are weak and frightened children anymore" Sasha said after she stopped laughing. Samuel just raised an eyebrow.
"Sure Sasha, sure" he says "But there's many who haven't gotten over the quirks they had in their training days, so he might be one of them."
Sasha knows there's no way she's imagining that gleam in Samuel's eyes.
"Just who are you talking about?"
"Oh no one, no one" he laughs, and Sasha sticks her tongue out at him "If we weren't at duty right now, you would have to start running right about now."
He just keeps laughing, and Sasha huffs. Not that she can stay angry as she goes over what Samuel had said. He had a point; Daz probably wouldn't cause any trouble, aside from perhaps mildly irritating some Marleyans more than he already did if they heard him talking.
"Well, I'm sure Jean will tell him to be careful."
XXXXX
"Geez, mom, stop crying; you're not helping!" Ulrich hissed at their mother as she wept by Nikolo's bed. While the said man did feel bad about causing his family extra trouble, he was still annoyed at his mother, especially since she hadn't even given him a chance to explain himself and had simply started crying and babbling about how this was her fault, how she should've noticed and so on. Well, Nikolo supposed she wasn't completely wrong: with all he'd said and done, his mother should have noticed that his attitude was no longer what it used to be, and thus it shouldn't have come as such a big shock.
Now what the heck should he say to her to at least somewhat defuse this situation?
"I'm fine mother, really" he tries "I just overreacted to something that was said due to stress. This is no big deal, really."
"Bullshit" Ulrich snapped, and Nikolo shot him a glare. His brother wasn't helping at all! "Had you just overreacted, they would've made you run laps or clean toilets or given you a pay cut or, I don't know, something else than sending you in to a freaking mental hospital! Nicky, we saw the papers; there's black on white that you've lost your mind!"
Their mother started sobbing harder at that, and when Nikolo glared at his brother again, Ulrich just said: "It's not like I wanted to upset our mother, but it's true!"
Nikolo sighed.
"I'm seriously fine" he tried again "Just a little stressed due to… well, work. This is mostly a misunderstanding- "
"Mostly, son?" his father interrupted, speaking for the first time since coming in "Then do tell, what part is not?"
All three were looking at him expectantly, and that was when the soldier realized that he'd stuck his foot in his mouth. Great, just great.
"I am not allowed to share any details; this is a highly confidential matter" that wasn't really true; if the higher ups really feared him sharing what happened, they wouldn't have let his family in here, at least not unsupervised. But they probably wouldn't realize that "All I can say is that some people have simply jumped to conclusions too much."
"That's different from what I've heard" his father says "In the past few days, I've talked with some of your colleagues, and they've told me some disturbing things."
"What?" Nikolo and his mother asked as one, and the man vaguely noted that his brother hadn't joined them. He knew, then.
"Dear, why didn't you tell me?" Nikolo's mother demanded "What have you- "
"Mother, please, let father speak" Ulrich interrupted her. Nikolo's attention, however, was locked on their father, holding his gaze with his own filled with dread, mixed with annoyance.
"I spoke with your partner in the field, Thomas Schulz I believe was his name, and he told me about some of your rather questionable behavior" the man told "According to him, you've been aiding and making friends with some Eldians. What do you have to say to that, son?"
From the corner of his eye, Nikolo could see his mother's horrified and his brother's expectant looks. However, he only focused on his father's stern gaze that didn't give away much.
"I could lie, I could deny it all" he thinks "But it's not that I'd be believed at this point. Guess it's time to start telling the truth. It'd come to light at some point, anyway."
"All of that is true" Nikolo admits, noting that his father simply raises his eyebrows a little, like he had known that all along but had not been expecting him to answer so honestly and bluntly "But I haven't let it interfere with my work; I've done what I had to regardless of personal feelings."
Excluding trying to hide Helmut not wearing his armband and giving Herbert a chance to run, but no one knew of those. And no one would know of those as long as he had a say in it.
"Honey, why would you even-?" his mother started once more, but stopped when his father held up a hand. Nikolo didn't know if he should feel grateful or dread what was coming; he still couldn't read his father's face.
"I see" his father said "I also met an older friend of yours who also had the misfortune to be held prisoner by the devils."
Nikolo found himself immediately thinking of Grior. And if the man had talked to his family, he had no doubt talked to his superiors, too. Whatever he said must've played a big part in him getting in to this situation.
"Grior, I assume. We had to work together a lot for the first few years" Nikolo told his father "What did he say?"
Threw him to the wolves, no doubt. The soldier just wanted to know how much details the man had revealed.
If Nikolo was lucky, Sasha had not been mentioned. Not to his family, at least.
"Apparently, he has been concerned with your behavior for years" his father says "From what I understood, it seems you started to sympathize with the Island Devils as early as on your first year there."
"Depends on his definition of sympathizing" Nikolo said, ignoring his mother's look of horror and the frown on his brother's face "At that point, all I did was treat them as fellow human beings. It's not that hard, really."
"Fellow human beings, eh?" Ulrich repeated "Nicky, you do realize that that attitude of yours is the root of the problem here, don't you?"
Nikolo glares at his brother.
"I'm already as screwed as it can get; I might just as well speak my mind" he thinks "I've got nothing to lose, but if I'm lucky, at least one of them might reconsider their attitude a little bit."
A small part of the soldier reminded him that if he said too much, went too far, then his family might disown him for good, but he ignored it. If that's what it came down to, then so be it. He wouldn't need a family like that, would he? One that he had to be constantly ashamed of for their lack humanity. One that put money and reputation before everything else, like it had done to Natalie. He didn't need them.
…But he still wanted his family, and hoped that this wouldn't get him disowned.
"Yeah, I know that" he admitted "I know that the problem is that acting humane with Eldians isn't exactly something people approve of."
"Nicky, you- "
"No" Nikolo interrupted firmly, adapting the very same tone he had used with trouble causing civilians while on duty "For once in your lives, you three will listen to me and do not interrupt me. Is this clear?"
Ulrich and his mother were already opening their mouths, but to his surprise, his father silenced them.
"We're listening, son" he says "Tell us how you see things."
How he saw things? Well, at least his father was willing to listen.
"The "way I see things" is that the system in our country is rotten" Nikolo started "A large part of our military is made of Eldians, they do most of the physically demanding and dangerous jobs, getting paid far less than any of us Marleyans would accept for ourselves. They are such a huge part of our country's economy that without them, Marley would fall" he tells them "And how does this country, all of us, thank them? We lock them up, force them to wear something to tell them apart with, treat them like trash when they come out of their cage, even when they do so with a permission, and kill them in the middle of the street for the lightest of mistakes! That's just wrong, and I'm sick of pretending that it's not! I'm sick of turning a blind eye!"
By the time he was finished, Nikolo was breathing hard. He wasn't sure when it had happened, but he knew that at some point, his controlled, firm tone had turned in to yelling. He knew that it wouldn't help his case at all; in fact, it would only further strengthen the idea that he'd lost his sanity.
He knew his mother wanted to say something, and so did Ulrich, it was written clearly on their faces. However, they were waiting for his father's reaction, what he would say. That was also what Nikolo was wondering the most, for the other two were predictable. His mother would cry after "her poor boy" and how much he must have suffered to end up like this, while Ulrich would lecture him about being out of his mind. But his father? What would he say? Nikolo had never been good at understanding the man.
"I see" was all his father said. The three of them stayed silent, waiting for the man to say more, Nikolo especially. He had no idea how he should take those short two words; the man's tone didn't give anything away. Still, he knew his father enough to know that those words weren't approving, but were they more on the neutral or negative side?
"Perhaps we should've seen something was wrong earlier" negative it was, then "I truly hope the doctors can help you come back to your senses."
And with that, the man turned to walk away. Nikolo wanted to say something, or yell something, but stayed silent, unable to decide on what to say. Should he try to insist, try to get him to see things his way? Should he tell him to go to hell? To beg him to listen? Insist that this was all a big misunderstanding and that he was fine? Tell him to have a nice rest of his life? Different sides of him wanted different things, and he wasn't sure at all which side to listen.
Before Nikolo's father left from the now open door, he stopped and said: "I'll take care of the greenhouse again, for as long as needed."
And with that, he walked out, not staying to hear a reply. Not that Nikolo was able to give one, too shocked to know how to react.
Ulrich groaned.
"Well, guess we'll all be forced to kneel in the dirt again, then" he said "Thanks a lot, Nicky."
"Ulrich!" their mother chided, for once horrified due to the words of someone else than Nikolo. The said soldier, former soldier, couldn't help but chuckle at the face his brother made.
"You're welcome" he said, making Ulrich glare at him. The brothers held each other's gazes, completely ignoring their mother, whose eyes drifted back and forth between the two of them uncertainly. Ulrich was the first to avert his gaze as he closed his eyes and sighed.
"Try to get yourself together Nicky" he said "If for no other reason then for that woman you write those love letters for."
Had their mother not been in the room, Nikolo might have made the very stupid decision of snapping at his brother that the woman was an Eldian. But their mother was there, so Nikolo had enough sense to keep his mouth shut. And speaking of her-
"Honey, would you like us to pass on a message to this woman?" she asks. Before Nikolo can deny it, she adds: "If you feel that me going would be too embarrassing, your brother can go. Or we can ask Bianca. Or- "
"No, mother" he interrupts, perhaps a bit too harshly "Thank you, but no. Not right now, at least."
But if he had to stay here long-
"I'll tell you if I change my mind" he definitely wouldn't. Tell her, that is. It might be good to get a message to Sasha eventually, but it's not like his mother, or anyone in his family, could do anything about it.
"…If you're sure" his mother says. Then, there's a knock on the door before a soldier opens it.
"Time's up" he says "Please head home."
Nikolo noticed that his mother looked like she wanted to protest, but he supposed that even she knew better than that. She left, but not before hugging her son, telling him that she'd see him again as soon as she could. Ulrich nodded at him before following their mother out of the door. When it closed, Nikolo slumped back on his bed with a sigh.
Things were not looking good for him.
A.N: Yeah, so Nikolo's kinda screwed now, but that's the part you all saw coming, I'm sure. Honestly, Nikolo ending up in the nut house is the story's turning point that should have happened way earlier (well duh, I originally planned this to be 10 chapters long), but I kept adding stuff and it got pushed back to this point. But in any case, now this story has finally reached one of its most important points, so I dare to say that I'm half way done, at least. Seriously, there's no way there'll be another 36 chapters of this.
