Chapter 41
It had been five days since Nikolo had started suspecting that his dinners were drugged, and he'd stopped eating them since, always flushing the food down the toilet or throwing it away when no one was looking. It made him go a little hungry, but it was worth the risk, especially since he started to feel like he'd been right. A few days without eating dinner, and he definitely felt better, now. The shaking still happened, but he could swear it was slowly lessening. He hadn't had any outbursts since that day, either, and he'd been able to explain the one he had by saying that he'd had a bad nightmare the night before. And that one thing that was mentioned triggered some bad memories. Both lies, of course, but the doctor had seemed to buy them.
And speaking of the doctor, Nikolo assumed the man knew about his food. He wasn't in charge of the entire place, but he was in charge of Nikolo's treatment, so he had to know, right? Or could it be some conspiracy by his former superiors, who'd bribed a cook or a nurse to keep him drugged? He supposed that it was possible, but the risks of something going wrong seemed too high. So yes, it was safe to assume his doctor was in on this, which in turn meant that Nikolo's "recovery" wasn't high on the man's priority list. In fact, he was probably trying to keep Nikolo in here and out of the military's way. And that was bad.
"If convincing my doctor that I'm alright won't do a thing, how am I supposed to get out of here?" he wonders. For the first time in a good while, he started to consider breaking out to be an actual option. But how would he do that?
"Let's see… there are no bars on the windows, but this is the third floor. And the windows in patients' rooms, or at least in this room, can't even be opened. If I were to use a window, it'd have to be in a common space… but all of the ones I get to are also on the third floor. Is there a fire escape somewhere? Gotta be, in a building like this" Nikolo thought. Locating that as soon as he could would be a good move, even if the need for it never rose "If I were to run, would I do it during day or night? At night time, I'd be less likely to be seen, but one too loud sound could give me away. At day time, it's harder to get around unnoticed, but if I could somehow blend in with the staff and get through their routes long enough to get outside…"
It could work, he reasoned. But then what? If he tried to hide at home, the chances that he'd be sent back by his family were higher than not. And even if they didn't sell him out, his home would likely be one of the first places he'd be searched from. He couldn't think of any friends that he could trust, either; the risk was too big for Jonas to be willing to help him. Thomas, he wouldn't even consider relying on. All his other friends were too distant to be counted on when it came to something like this, especially after his nine years away. He hadn't really made any effort in reconnecting with anyone aside from his family.
"Running is just one option; I can come up with something else, too" he assured himself. It was fine; he had time, and as he seemed to become clearer headed without his dinners, he could actually think things through without trouble. This was only the beginning.
XXXXX
"We have a problem" Hanji announced. Sasha had guessed as much right after stepping in to the room and seeing that the only people in the room were the commander, Levi, Jean, Connie and, to her surprise, Mikasa and even Armin. Their old squad. As delighted as she would've otherwise been of having their group together again, gathering here like this unplanned couldn't mean anything good.
"Figured as much" Levi replies dryly "Out with it, Four Eyes."
"Everyone here is already aware of the fire that happened months ago" Hanji starts, ignoring Levi's attitude "What you don't know is that four days ago, a very similar fire was very close to start spreading out, again from a settlement occupied by Marleyans."
"What!?" that was her and Connie. In sync, as usual. Quick look at the others told Sasha that the only one who wasn't surprised was Jean. The commander must've told him beforehand.
"Could it be their equipment malfunctioning?" Mikasa asks, and Sasha really hopes that's the case "If they have faulty tools, then two fires is an understandable result."
"That's possible, but considering that we were assured that in the case of the second fire, everything was new and thoroughly checked, it's unlikely" Hanji says "At this point, the likeliest conclusion is that someone is lighting these fires on purpose."
Sasha bites her lip, hesitating, but decides to speak up in the end: "How come this is the first time I heard about the second fire? You'd think that some rumors would start going around in four days."
"It doesn't seem that the word got out" Jean says "According to the Marleyan officer who told us, two of their soldiers had noticed the fire and managed to put it out immediately, without anyone seeming to even mind the smoke. They'd gone to their direct superior right after, who went to his superior, who in turn put out a tight gag order on the situation and only relied the information to the commander and I. He'd come to the conclusion that two fires like this couldn't be a coincidence, and that until we knew more, the less people who knew the better."
"Hey, but that guy not sharing this with other Marleyans means that he isn't leaving out the possibility that one of their own is doing this, right?" Connie asks "That's process, isn't it? A Marleyan not automatically suspecting just us, I mean."
Sasha smiles slightly, understanding exactly what Connie meant.
"I'm afraid the case here is the opposite" her smile falls at Hanji's words "He's keeping this from his men in order to not cause panic."
"He actually said that?" Armin asks "Boldly letting out his suspicions about us?"
"Yes, but he had a reason" Hanji says "Very close to where the fire had started, but not close enough to get destroyed by the fire, he'd found blood. Somehow, the culprit had gotten themselves cut by the shards of a broken barrel. The blood on the shards was tested, and it turned out to be that of an Eldian. And since they don't let the Eldians from the outside here- "
"-One of ours had to have been there" Mikasa finished for her. Sasha swallows.
"…Not necessarily" Armin says, getting everyone's attention "What if this is Marley's attempt to make us suspect our own? Maybe there was no blood, but they said so to create disturbance within our ranks. Maybe they lit the fire specifically for that."
Sasha thinks she knows what Armin is getting at, but as it is, she might lose the red string at any moment. This was getting complicated.
"I considered that possibility, too" Hanji admits "But to be frank, he doesn't seem the type to take such a huge risk. Plus, if this was their ploy, they would benefit from spreading a rumor among their own ranks. So, if this was an attempt to frame us, then at the very least, we can rule out the four Marleyans we know to know about this."
"So, it's likely that we have a trouble stirrer in our ranks?" Connie sighs "Damn…"
"We'd be really lucky if it was just one" Jean says, his brow furrowing "But if it really is someone from our ranks, we're most likely dealing with several people. An entire network, if we're unlucky."
"Fucking fantastic" Levi spits out, turning to Hanji again "Since you're bringing this up to all the brats, I'm assuming you have some form of a plan in mind."
At this, Hanji looks sheepish. Sasha knows that means there's no plan, not a solid one at least.
"Keep your eyes and ears open" she says "That's really all we can do at this point. Well, almost. Jean has been subtly trying to get people to open up to him by badmouthing Marleyans while he's supposedly drunk, but so far that has brought no results."
"Right, that" Sasha thinks, remembering that the only thing it had resulted in was some people wondering if Jean has an alcohol problem. She almost snorts at the memory, but manages to keep it in. Now was not the time.
"We could check if anyone who was here four days ago has any wounds they can't explain" Armin suggests "Not that that would prove anything in itself, but we could keep a better eye on such people. And if we happen to find someone with a wound and burns, that's enough of a reason to question the person."
They could always count on Armin to come up with something.
"But not for long; he doesn't have much time left" Sasha grimaces at the reminder. Looking at Armin, she can actually see the marks of his time running out on his body already; his cheeks were a little hollow, and she could swear she saw gray strands among his hair.
"That's worth doing, yes" Hanji agrees "Also, you're currently stationed near where Onyankopon is, correct? I'd appreciate if you relayed this information to him, too, but make sure he knows not to spread the word. I would've had him here with us otherwise, but his skin color would make him stick out too much. The Marleyans would surely recognize him as one of the traitors and that wouldn't go well for him."
"Understood" Armin says.
Sasha bites her lip. Since Hanji invited everyone here, it was clear that she thought the possibility of there being an entire network against the current system was actually higher than the chances of there being only a handful of people. She wouldn't have bothered them otherwise, especially not Armin.
She really didn't like the direction things were going. They had to put a stop to this, fast.
"I have a suggestion" Jean says, and Sasha's on all ears "If everyone approves, I will bring this up to Hitch. Having someone from the MPs in our corner and in the know would likely be useful in the long run."
Hanji takes a moment to think about it, then nods.
"Sounds good; we've been able to trust her since the uprising" she says "Everyone in agreement?"
There were no protests, so it was settled.
"Alright, now we all better head back to work" the commander says, clapping her hands "Keep your ears and eyes open and stay safe. If you find someone suspicious, do not act alone. At the very least, inform one of the rest of us about the person first."
"Understood"
XXXXX
With the seventh dinner Nikolo planned not to eat, he decided to do a little experiment. Getting rid of maybe one fourth of the food, he left the rest on the plate. He wasn't surprised in the slightest when the doctor brought it up on their private session the next morning.
"I wasn't really hungry" he explains, the lie easily rolling off his tongue. Of course, it did, for he was prepared.
"I see" the doctor says, his face unreadable "Do you think there's some specific reason for your lack of appetite?"
Could more or less missing one meal be called a lack of appetite?
"I don't know" he shrugs "Maybe I just didn't use all that much energy yesterday? I spent most of my free time reading."
This one wasn't even a lie; he'd done that a lot lately. Partly because he was saving energy, but also because he wanted to avoid interacting with the patients too much, especially now that they knew something of his background. The looks that some of them gave him… well, he couldn't quite place them, but he didn't like them.
"A really good book, I take it?" the doctor asks "From what I've seen and heard, you haven't been interacting with the others much lately."
"…Time for some truth, I guess" Nikolo decides, taking a deep breath "Well, in all honesty, after you told them about me having been stuck on Paradis, they've been… giving me these looks, and it bothers me. So, I'd rather just stay out of their way."
"Looks, you say?" the doctor asks "Have you given any thought to what they might be thinking?"
He hadn't, not really. As long as they left him alone, he didn't care what they thought. They weren't people who could move his life to one direction or the other, after all.
"…Not much, no" he admitted "It's easier not to, and as long as they don't actually do anything, there's no harm in what they think."
"That is one way to look at things. And sometimes, it's best to just focus on oneself" the doctor says "But if you were to think about it, what do you think they are thinking?"
Instantly, Nikolo became a little wearier. The doctor didn't usually push any subject like this, so whatever he said now would probably have a lot of weight to one direction or the other.
"But at least he didn't say more about the dinner, so I can count that as a win" hopefully, his good luck wouldn't end there "I suppose they could be pitying me, but it doesn't look like that. Or at least, not just that. Maybe there's… disgust mixed in?
Nikolo almost said distrust, which also occurred to him, but he kept it to himself as he didn't want the conversation going to that direction.
"And why do you think that is?"
Nikolo had an easy answer for that. One that he really didn't want to say out loud, as it would make it seem like he'd agree, but that was exactly what he needed to rise his chances in getting out of here.
"Well, I was on Paradis for nine years" he says, swallowing his pride. He still didn't like saying it, though "With how long it's been since I got out, it's obvious that there can't be any smell or germs on me from there anymore, but people don't always think logically when it comes to things they feel strongly about."
The doctor did not comment, simply kept looking at him, which made Nikolo more nervous than he already was. His hands weren't shaking again, were they? They'd been doing it less lately, but who knew. He had to resist the urge to look down at his hands.
"Indeed, that might happen" the man finally said "And it doesn't bother you?"
"Not enough for me to do something about it, no" Nikolo admits "If my family or friends acted like them, that'd be different, but I don't care about what strangers think."
Strangers with no influence over his life, at least, but he wouldn't say that.
"And your family and friends haven't looked at you like that at all?"
By now it was clear to Nikolo that he wasn't in charge of this conversation. That was new; usually, the doctor let him decide where the conversation went. Or had he only thought so and was now noticing that it wasn't the case as he was able to think clearer?
"Either way, I have to say something" he knew, taking a moment to actually think about the question.
"…A few times in the beginning, I suppose, when the subject came up" he realized, remembering the varying looks he'd gotten from his family members "But that stopped, eventually. It was only natural of them to not really know what to expect of me after all that."
"And you were bothered by that?"
"I suppose, but I assumed it'd go away on its own with time. And it did" partly probably because he stopped talking about Paradis.
"I feel like I might slip if this keeps up; I need to get the control of the conversation to myself" Nikolo thought.
"Actually, there is something regarding my family that I'd like to talk about" he says, just to change the subject. Fortunately, he had come up with a distraction topic in case he needed one a few days ago when Natalie had visited him again. He felt a little bad coming out with his family's problems the way he planned to, especially since it was to get the attention off of him, but it couldn't be helped.
A look of surprise flashed across the doctor's face, which didn't surprise Nikolo. He had mostly talked about work and work-related things during these sessions, his family rarely coming up, so this was new. But of course, that was one of the things he was counting on. He was sure he'd catch the doctor's interest.
"In that case, please do tell me"
"Got him"
XXXXX
Sasha was patrolling the harbor with Samuel, but when they spotted Connie running a sparring practice for the cadets, they wordlessly agreed to stop to watch.
"I remember how you two always fooled around during combat practice" Samuel comments, smirking "It was the highlight of everyone's day whenever the instructor caught you two at it."
"Glad to have been of use" Sasha comments, but she can't help the laughter that rises up from within her. Those had been carefree days, and even though getting better at fighting close ranged with other people was something she'd had to do later on, she didn't exactly regret those somewhat wasted but happy times.
"Good ability to use the gear is still the main deciding factor on who gets placed in top 10, you know" Samuel says suddenly, not taking his eyes off the cadets "Isn't that unpractical? What we need these days are soldiers who are good with guns and close rank combat, so shouldn't those skills hold more weight?"
Sasha blinks.
"You're right" she says "Knowing how to use the 3DMG is important in case we do still need to deal with pure titans or fight the warriors at some point, but right now, it's not what we mostly need. So, shifting the order of importance would make sense."
And it'd probably also get everyone to take their sparring- and shooting practice more seriously. Not that anyone seemed to be slacking off now, but it could be because Connie was keeping an eye on them. Or because they were so close to a potential enemy. But if they normally slacked off as much as many in her generation, including her, had, then that wasn't good. They'd slacked off since close combat training didn't have much value when it came to graduating, so making it hold weight for the final ranking would make sense.
"There are reasons for doing things the way we do" comes from behind them and they both jump, knowing exactly who that voice belonged to.
"Instructor Shadis, sir!" they both greet as they turn around and salute in unison.
"I would've expected you two to notice me sooner" the bald man remarks, crossing his arms "Especially you, Blouse, a respected veteran by now. Act like it."
All Sasha can do is let out a small, nervous laugh, not dropping her salute.
"May I ask what the reason is in this case?" Samuel manages to ask.
For a moment, Shadis doesn't answer, deciding to observe the cadets under Connie's command instead. Sasha hesitates a bit before dropping her salute, turning back around to look at them, seeing Samuel follow suit right after. And then she waited, knowing that since Shadis hadn't immediately denied them an answer or changed the subject, he'd talk eventually.
"The 3DMG was originally created to help with killing titans, but as we now know, it's also effective against humans" the instructor finally says. Sasha bites her lip, knowing this to be the truth all too well; she'd used it against humans back in Marley "We still train the cadets in a way that would be used to kill titans because the possibility of them having to do so, however slim it is, is still there. It's easier to adjust a way that is taught to be used on titans to be used on humans than the other way around."
Sasha saw no fault in that logic.
"Wouldn't it be better to teach the cadets how to kill titans and how to effectively use the gear against humans?" Samuel asks, and Sasha grimaces. Logically thinking, it'd be a good idea, but if the public found out that that's what the cadets were being taught, and they would since there was no way all of the kids could keep their mouths shut, the distrust in military would grow. Plus, if the word got to Marleyans and the rest of the outside world, it would strain their ties with them.
"That's what the lazy assed MPs want, like most of them haven't lost their touch with the gear already" Shadis said "But Hanji convinced the biggest shots that it would be a bad idea. According to her, the new generation needs to have a brighter look at the future."
Sasha smiles; that did sound like Hanji.
"Brighter, but not naïve" Samuel says, turning Sasha's smile in to a frown "It would be better to keep them prepared."
"Perhaps" Shadis says "But if Hanji says this is a better way, I trust her judgement. I may have been the commander of the Survey Corps once, but I only fought against the titans. Hanji, however, fought against both them and humans, here and in Marley. She has experience in a way I don't, and sometimes, that makes all the difference."
Silence. Sasha only heard the sounds the cadets made in their training, plus a few seagulls above them. Just when she thinks Shadis had convinced Samuel, he says: "Maybe her experiences make her reach for peace so desperately that she isn't properly considering the options for a time when things do go wrong."
"Not true!" Sasha finally burst out before Shadis could reply, causing both men to look at her. Normally, she would've withered under Shadis' gaze, but right now she had to get her point across "It's true that the commander works hard for peace, but she is also preparing for the worst. She hasn't abandoned the possibility of the peace breaking, and that's why she works so hard to keep it from happening!"
"Maybe" Samuel says, but something in his tone gives Sasha an urge to punch him. It was probably good that Shadis was standing between them "But what if it's not enough? Doing her best won't mean a thing when people start dying during war."
Seeing red, Sasha was about to give a heated reply, not sure exactly what she'd say, but Shadis beat her to it: "Considering her position, Blouse probably knows better than you or I do if Hanji's doing enough or not."
Sasha's surprised by the comment, it sounding a lot like praise, and smiles. This was her win, and since Samuel finally shut up, he seemed to acknowledge it, too.
"Don't let what I said get to your head, Blouse" Shadis says, and Sasha's smile turns sheepish "You've become a fine soldier, better than I ever expected you to be able to become, but you still have a long way to go to reach Hanji's level."
With those parting words, Shadis walks off to join Connie, which had probably been his original intention when he got there.
"…I don't think I could ever reach Hanji's level even if I really tried" Sasha says to break the silence that had fallen between her and Samuel "Not that I don't want to be useful; I'm ready to do my best, but I'm not like her."
"Some people just have more natural talent than others" Samuel shrugs "Not that it doesn't apply to you, too. You did graduate in the 9th place, after all."
Sasha's expression softens, her earlier anger at Samuel already getting thrown to a backburner "Yeah, guess you're right."
"What're you two up to?" again, the two are caught off guard, but this time the sudden voice doesn't scare them. Turning around, Sasha sees Daz.
"Patrol duty" Samuel says "Well, that and a lecture from Shadis, but he's focusing on Connie and the cadets now, so we're good."
Daz snorts.
"Figures you'd get caught up in one of his lectures when you work alongside Potato Girl."
"Hey!" Sasha protests, and Samuel laughs "It wasn't my fault this time!" she pauses "And quit calling me that!"
She pouts as the men laugh at her expense, but there's really nothing she can do about it, unless she wanted to punch their faces in. Which she kind of did, but it wouldn't be worth the trouble. Plus, angry as she was, she knew it'd be overreacting. Badly.
"I'll get them somehow later though…" she decided, huffing. Not sure why, Sasha's attention was suddenly drawn to Daz's left hand and the bandage on it. Immediately, what Hanji had told them not too long ago ran through her mind "But it's just a coincidence."
It'd be naïve to just think that.
"Hey Daz, let me see your hand" she says, and without waiting for a reply, takes the man's hand in hers, already unwrapping the bandage "Wha-? Hey!"
"I need to check something" Sasha tells him, swatting away Daz's other hand that tries to stop her. Finishing unwrapping, she sees a rather big gash, already closing up, on his palm. That alone didn't prove anything, he could've gotten it from anywhere, but there was also a burn mark close to the wound. Sasha frowns.
"Where did you get these?" she asks. But surely, it couldn't be Daz, could it?
The man pulls his hand away, starting to rewrap it.
"…Kitchen duty" he replies, and to Sasha, that's suspicious. While Daz wasn't in a position as high as her, he was no longer a grunt. And kitchen duty was grunt work.
"In your position?" she voices her doubts, intently looking at Daz. If it was really him, if she really doubted him, she could call Connie over just by raising her voice… or was she making a mistake, letting her suspicion show like this?
"Uuh…"
"Looks like we're busted" Samuel says, and Sasha's attention immediately snaps to him. With a sheepish smile, he explains: "Daz and I lost in poker to a few fresh recruits. We put in our services while off duty, the brats put in some cash. But, you know, we lost."
"Gambling?" Sasha repeats, surprised. She was relieved it hadn't been what she thought it had been, but still- "And with the new recruits? You planned to rob some kids off their pocket money?"
"Chill, it wasn't a big sum!" Samuel defends, hands up "Besides, we lost, so we got a lesson. Daz was so pissed about it that he didn't focus in the kitchen, getting burnt and cut as a result."
"In my defense, I was chopping onions; it can be hard to see while doing that!" Daz defended himself, making Sasha snort.
"Uhhuh, and what about the burn?" she asks. Daz frowns, looking away "…Fine. That was me not paying enough attention."
Sasha laughs, relief washing away the last of her doubts. She really shouldn't have doubted her old classmate.
"Is there a reason you sought us up?" Samuel asks.
"Yeah, actually" Daz says, sounding like he only just remembered it. It gets Sasha's attention "Some merchants have come from Wall Rose here to talk with some merchants from Marley about some trade deals or something, and Jean feared they might cause trouble, so he wanted backups to join him as he supervises the negotiations."
"And he wants us?" Sasha asks. Daz nods "Are the Marleyan merchants already here? I haven't noticed any commotion or anything."
"They're scheduled to arrive tomorrow, apparently, but Jean wants to fill you in on some things" Daz explains "He also said that he sent a word out that others will take over your current duties."
"Looks like the Horseface is ordering us around" Samuel shrugs. Sasha laughs. This might turn out to be interesting, at least more so than patrolling. And maybe the Marleyan merchants brought along some samples of their products, perhaps even something eatable?
Newly motivated by this thought, Sasha calls out: "Lead the way!"
XXXXX
When Nikolo takes his first spoonful of his breakfast porridge, he notices that the taste is off. It's salty, far saltier than usual. Not so much that it'd be uneatable, but still. There was also a bigger clump of jam on the plate than usual. He hadn't really thought much about it at first, just assuming that whoever set the meals must've let their hand slip this time, causing more jam to fall than intended. It still could be the case, but two things that altered the taste at once, just two days after he'd let them see he'd left his most likely drugged dinner unfinished…
"Am I being too paranoid?" he wondered "Maybe the kitchen has new staff, and they don't really know what they're doing."
It was possible. Likely, even. Or the cook could just be having a bad day; certainly, the chances for that were higher than the chances of his breakfast being drugged. Still…
"Better safe than sorry" Nikolo mutters, going and dumping the porridge down the toilet. It was a pity; he was hungry since he hadn't eaten dinner "But I can still eat the piece of bread."
As he munched on his wheat bread, he told himself that the amount of food was no real issue; he'd gotten by with much less. The real problem was if his breakfast had really been drugged or not.
"Better not to jump to conclusions; it might simply be a single mistake" he thought. If the same thing was repeated tomorrow morning, he'd ask around if the others had noticed the same thing about their breakfasts. If yes, then it was nothing to worry about. If not… "I'll think of something."
A knock on the door surprised Nikolo, but he called out to whoever it was to come in anyway. The door was open; these days, the nurse that brought the breakfast left it so.
To his surprise, the one at the door was doctor Becker. It was definitely not the time for their session yet; this was something else.
"Doctor" he greeted, standing up from his chair "Is there something wrong?"
"Not as far as I know" the man says, stepping in the room. He leaves the door open, so he probably doesn't plan to stay long. That was a good sign; maybe this was just about their session today being cancelled?
"Did you enjoy your breakfast?"
"Huh?" Nikolo blinked at the sudden question, not having expected it "Uh, it was- "
He stops as his eyes catch the doctor's. The look in the man's eyes was calculating, expectant. He was waiting for a specific answer.
"No doubt about it now" Nikolo thought, hoping that his façade was calmer than what he felt like "It was drugged."
