Chapter 46
Sasha stood silently by Mikasa's side as they stared at Armin's grave, where what little had remained of him after his death lay. Not that she knew how much that little was or what had been left; while she's been there when he died, she wouldn't have been able to stomach the sight of what was left, unlike Mikasa and Jean, who had gone to gather the remnants of their dead friend. She knew it had been hard for them, too, but at least Mikasa still had time off, while Jean, along with Hanji, had had to return to the harbor on the same day. Still not knowing who was conspiring against them or how many there were, they couldn't leave their duties for too long. That was also why Sasha would being going back soon, too. Today, in fact, and she'd have to get going right about now unless she wanted to run for the train.
"Um, Mikasa- "
"I know; you need to get going" Mikasa cuts her off before Sasha can really even start "Sorry for keeping you."
"It's not a problem, really" Sasha hurried to say. The last thing she wanted was for Mikasa to feel guilty about, well, anything "I…"
She didn't know what to say.
"I know" Mikasa cut her off again "I'll walk you to the station."
Sasha nodded, unable to do anything else as words failed her. They made a little detour on the way to get Sasha's back bag, running in to Kaya and Connie as they did.
Right, Kaya and Connie. The two actually had gotten together, and while Sasha had nothing against it, it felt a little weird to have her best friend dating her baby sister.
"Are you doing alright, big sis? Miss Mikasa?"
Saying yes would be a lie, but Sasha didn't want to worry Kaya, either. She glanced at Mikasa's stony face, not knowing if the woman was hiding her emotions purely out of habit or on purpose.
"We will be, eventually" was the answer Mikasa gave to the young woman eventually "There's no need to worry about us."
Sasha smiled, believing that it was truthful enough. They might not be alright right now, but all would be well with time. Kaya frowned, looking at Sasha, who confirmed Mikasa's words with a nod.
"…If you two are sure" she says "Just make sure you come visit home if you ever feel like you need a break, sis. And of course, our doors are always open for you too, Miss Mikasa."
Mikasa seemed surprised by this if the widening of her eyes was anything to go by, and had her friend had it any easier recently, Sasha would've scolded her for her lack of faith in her family, but now was not a good time.
"And if going out to the boonies doesn't sound good, we can always go to Trost and crash at little Jeanboy's home" Connie pointed out, making Sasha and Kaya laugh. It even got a chuckle out of Mikasa!
"I'll keep that in mind" the Ackerman says "But for now, I'll start preparing to leave for Hizuru."
Sasha froze; she had completely forgotten Kiyomi's offer to Mikasa! And to think she had actually decided to go…
"So, you're really going?" Connie didn't beat around the bush.
"At least for a visit; I don't know how long I will be there" Mikasa replied, adjusting her scarf "But it won't be permanent."
"Of course not; you wouldn't be able to stand being apart from us forever" Connie joked. Normally Sasha wouldn't mind it but, considering Armin's recent passing, the timing for such jokes was a bad one.
"Exactly" Mikasa said, to everyone's surprise. And it didn't end there, for Sasha felt herself be pulled forward as the other woman pulled both her and Connie in to a hug "Being separated for a while is one thing, but I couldn't go on without you two."
Sasha smiled, hugging the woman back and feeling Connie do the same. It wasn't like Mikasa to express herself so openly like this, but she wouldn't exactly call it a bad thing. Times were changing, both in good and bad, and right now, Sasha started to feel like the good could outnumber the bad, eventually. And for now, that was enough.
XXXXX
Nikolo's plan of waiting for his body to gain immunity for the drugs was not working, he now knew. He wasn't sure if building it up simply took far longer than he would've assumed, if the doctor had made the doses bigger or if the drug had been changed, but it didn't make a difference. Waiting to be able to tell a visitor the truth wouldn't work. He'd tried it a few times, but he was pretty sure his words hadn't been understood. He'd keep trying though, just in case. Not that something like that alone would've gotten him out of here in the first place, but it would've been a start; had he been believed, he'd have an ally, now. But as it was, he was still on his own.
Sighing, the former soldier stretched and moved to his routine exercise of pushups and sit ups now that the drugs had worn off enough after Natalie's last visit. She came by more often than most of the family, only Ulrich beating her with the number of his visits. He beat everyone's number, even Thomas' and Jonas'. Those two came by surprisingly often, that much Nikolo could tell despite always being very out of it when they did, and they usually came together. Were they working together regularly now, too? He was never able to ask when they came by, not even when he was in his senses enough to make what he assumed were actual sentences. Or if he had been, he had forgotten the answer.
What had those two talked about during their last visit? He could recall Jonas babbling a lot, which wasn't all that unusual, but he was pretty sure Thomas had gotten mad at him about something. What had that been about?
"I think he might've even said something along the lines of "don't tell that to him." What did Thomas not want me to know?" Nikolo wondered as he did his pushups. As far as he knew, Thomas wasn't the type to get embarrassed easily, and even if Jonas had told him something really embarrassing, Thomas must've understood that he was unlikely to remember it, so it couldn't be that. It being something work related made sense, lots of it, but with how mad Thomas had sounded, it must've been pretty serious "Or maybe I remember it wrong and he wasn't as mad as I recall?"
That was a real possibility, too. Besides, he didn't see much people these days, and hadn't heard anyone yell or anything of the sort in who knows how long, so maybe Thomas had seemed angrier to Nikolo than he normally would. Maybe he'd just become overly sensitive.
But in case he hadn't, what could be going on with the military that caused a reaction like that from Thomas? Or was it not something special but simply something Nikolo, being no longer a soldier, shouldn't hear?
The man sighs, finishing his exercise and sitting down for a short break. There was no point in thinking about it; most likely, whatever it was, it wasn't of any importance to him in his current situation. And if, by some chance, it was, then he was sure Jonas would try to tell him again. But right now, he had more pressing matters to take care of. He'd been here for a long time already. He wasn't sure how long, but he felt like it couldn't be all that long, maybe a few months, but he was definitely past the halfway point, until the year was up and Dr. Becker would reoffer his deal, assuming that he still planned to do so of course. When the offer to let him go after a few months if he agreed to spread a bad word of the island was first made, Nikolo had flat out refused, sure that he wouldn't sink so low, but now he was starting to consider it. He hated himself already for that alone, but time was ticking by and he was no closer to a proper solution than he was when he got himself in to this mess, so maybe he had no choice? He wasn't considering giving up, of course not; he'd do as he was told and lay low, then run when he got the chance, when the time was right. But how long would that take? Would he end up back here, or worse, if he didn't do enough damage to the island's reputation? How long would it take until whoever was keeping an eye on him would let their guard down? It was probably a bad idea; he could run in to a bear while running from a wolf. But it was the only real plan, if even it could be called that, he had right now, so he wouldn't completely abandon it yet. But he really needed to come up with something better.
"Break's over" Nikolo muttered, moving on to his push up -routine. He understood having gotten away with this for the first few days, first weeks even, but it's been months since he started his training, yet no one's said a word of it or tried to stop him. There was no way they hadn't noticed, so for one reason or the other, he was allowed to continue. Was leaving him be simply less of a bother than interfering? Perhaps they thought that him staying in shape wouldn't interfere with their plans… and they were probably right. He'd have to have insane, Ackerman-like strength in order for it to be of actual help in this situation, and there was no way he'd achieve that. They weren't underestimating his strength; they were just being realistic. Getting out with brute force was out of question for him, and they knew it as well as he did.
"Do I really have no other choice than to pretend to go along with what they want…?"
XXXXX
Trains were convenient. They were faster than horses, lot faster than walking, and one didn't need to pay attention to anything while using one, aside from getting off at the right stop. But even so, Sasha would've preferred to return to the harbor by horse instead. She just didn't like to be stuck in a room in a loud, moving… thing. She still wasn't used to them. Not that the trip had even taken all that long, even though the trip from the station right outside of Shiganshina to the harbor was the longer one of the two tracks on the island, the other one starting on the other side of the said city inside of Wall Maria, stopping near the gates of Trost. She'd heard about plans for a third track, one that would cut through the area of Wall Rose, but as far as she knew, so far, they were just plans. Honestly, Sasha was glad. She didn't like trains, even if using them meant that one could take a nap during the trip if they wanted to.
"You look sour. Did something happen?" Samuel asks after they've greeted each other, but then he makes a face "Besides the obvious, I mean- wait no, that's probably enough to make you look sour. Sorry, shouldn't have asked."
"No, it's fine- I mean, it's not fine, but I am, I mean- "Sasha stuttered, trying and failing to get her point across. She groaned "I hate trains!"
Samuel blinks, then lets out a laugh.
"Okay" he says "I take it you looked so sour for having to use one, then?"
"Yes!" Sasha shouts, her hands automatically flying up to emphasize it. She was glad that he got it so fast, but then again, they'd known each other more than half their lives and had been working together a lot in the recent years, so maybe it'd be odder if he didn't "I know they're useful, but I just… well, I don't like them."
"I think I recall captain Levi complaining about the same thing a few times" Samuel shrugs "Personally, I like them. I got back to the harbor really fast after I left Wall Maria, even though I had to go through Shiganshina and wait through night to switch trains. Honestly, I almost missed the second one. Next time, I might need to go through the town on horseback."
Samuel must've overslept, then, and stayed in an inn near Wall Maria's station instead of the small military base right outside the city. An amateur's mistake, Sasha thought with a snort. Samuel frowned "What?"
"Nothing nothing" Sasha denied hurriedly "Don't worry, you'll learn how to use the trains conveniently eventually, too."
"You're really going to act like an expert on them after just complaining how much you hate them?" Samuel asks with a roll of his eyes. Not long after though, his face grows more serious, and Sasha doesn't miss it. Cautiously, she asks: "Something wrong?"
Samuel hesitates, and Sasha knows him well enough to know that he'd pondering if he should say what he's about to say or not "Samuel?"
"I just wondered, how was Mikasa doing when you left?" he asked "I left in the evening before… well, while Armin was still alive, and didn't really have a chance to talk to Mikasa even then. Not that that would've helped anything, I'm sure; we've never been close. But still, I'm a little worried now that she'd lost both of them…"
Ah, of course, Samuel would worry, too. They had all graduated together, after all.
"She's devasted, but she'll keep going" Sasha told him with a shrug "And she accepted Kiyomi's offer to go to Hizuru, though it's only temporary."
The surprise is clear on Samuel's face as his dark eyes widen and his jaw drops open slightly.
"Hizuru? She's going there now?" at Sasha's puzzled expression, he clarifies: "I would've thought that she'd need her friends now more than ever, is all. Yet she chose to go to Hizuru instead?"
It's not like that line of thought hadn't occurred to Sasha, but she believed Mikasa knew what she needed, be it a little distance to gain a new perspective on things, or the company of her people, who she finally had a chance to learn to know properly.
"I guess she just needs some time" the brunette shrugs "Maybe it'll be easier for her to accept that Armin's gone when everything around her isn't reminding her of him."
"Maybe" Samuel says. And again, he looks like he's hesitating to say something, but before Sasha can press him again, he opens his mouth: "And you, are you okay? You were pretty close to him, too…"
Yeah, she was.
"…It's not like this isn't affecting me" Sasha says, avoiding Samuel's gaze. She leans against the wall they stand next to "But I've had years to prepare for this, and as cruel as it sounds, despite Armin having been really important to me, one of the most important people in my life, he was still never the most important person, so of course I'm faring better than Mikasa… but if it had been her who we lost- "
Sasha shakes her head abruptly, not wanting to go there. With all her closest friends being soldiers, and in the few recent years even one member of her family, she had to acknowledge that if things went South, she could lose them, all of them, quickly. And she did understand that, but she didn't want to think of it when it wasn't likely.
Especially since the knowledge that they'd eventually lose Historia, and Hannah, who she wasn't all that close to though, to Ymir's curse was already weighting on her mind more than usual now due to Armin's death. And to think that once it was Historia's turn to go, she'd be fed to one of the children she had-
"Oi, Sasha, snap out of it" Samuel says forcefully, not quite yelling as he shakes Sasha's shoulder "I think your mind's going places it shouldn't right now."
Sasha blinks hard, massaging her temples.
"Yeah… yeah, you're right" she said, furiously shaking her head "I need something else to think about. Ideas?"
Samuel smiles.
"Fortunately, I have just the thing" he says "C'mon."
Sasha raises an eyebrow, curious to see what Samuel has in mind. As they walk away from the barracks deeper in to the harbor, she remembers that she has yet to change in to her uniform or even to drop her back bag to her room. She wasn't on duty, so it wasn't that urgent, but should she really be strolling around here without her uniform?
"…Eh, whatever. Wouldn't be my first time in trouble for breaking the dress code" she thinks with a shrug. Plus, these days she was so well known that it'd be unlikely for her to be mistaken for a civilian, at least by their own soldiers. The Marleyans, which she started to see more again as she and Samuel kept walking through the crates, might mistake her for one, but they'd probably ask from one of their soldiers what to do if they saw a civilian around… wouldn't they? Or did they have their own protocol to follow if that happened, even though any civilian walking around unauthorized here would be from the island almost certainly… maybe she should ask Jean; he probably knew.
"There's a lot of crates here" she comments. While some merchant ships did come to their island, most goods coming to or leaving the island still left with Marley's military ships that came and went every three months anyway, so these must either be waiting for the next ship, or they'd been unloaded from a recent one "When's the next ship coming?"
"Three months from now" Samuel grins "Since one just arrived yesterday. The ship is almost completely unloaded, so we're gonna be moving those crates again."
"Great, grunt work" Sasha groans, but it did beat being on the field. No one appreciated peace like an experienced soldier "Is that what you had in mind for me?"
"Close enough" the grin hasn't left Samuel's face; in fact, it only grows as he says: "Guess who we'll be working with starting tomorrow."
For a small moment, Sasha finds herself hoping that it's Nikolo, but common sense tells her it's not. Samuel doesn't know him; he wouldn't be grinning like that if it was him. If it was him, Jean would've found a way to inform her already, or perhaps the man himself would've been waiting for her when she got off the train. But someone Samuel does know would be-
"Is Jonas back?" she asks, her face already sporting a grin equal to Samuel's. Of course, it could also be Eric, but she wouldn't mind seeing him, either.
"Along with Eric" Samuel told, and that was better news than Sasha had expected, best news she'd heard in quite a while. Samuel sure knew how to provide a distraction.
"Where are they now?"
"They should be around the loading dock- "
That was enough information for Sasha as she dashed away to its location. They were back, those two actually came back! Should she feel guilt for doubting it? It's not like they'd even promised to come; they'd said that they might. But now they were here while the guy who'd actually promised to come back was still nowhere to be seen.
"Don't think about that now!" Sasha scolded herself, shaking her head as she ran. She got a few curious looks; she must've been a comical sight, but she didn't care. Jumping over a low crate, she'd been circling too many of them already, Sasha got to her destination and started to look around, soon spotting Jonas in the company of few other Marleyans, leaning on one of the crates, probably on a break.
"Jonas!" she was already sprinting towards him at full speed by the time she called out, so the man only had a few seconds to react before Sasha collided with him. He had lifted his head to face her direction, and the widening of his eyes proved that he had registered what was going on, but any other reaction came too late and he ended up in Sasha's open arms.
"What the hell!?" he screeches, but to Sasha's surprise, he doesn't push her away. Was he too shocked? It's not like she had rendered him immobile; his hands were free "…Sasha?"
"Who else?" she asks as she pulls back, laughing "What, you didn't recognize me?"
It still takes a moment for Jonas to recover from his shock, and he rolls his eyes when he does.
"It's been a while. Plus, I'm used to seeing you in a uniform."
Sasha laughs at that.
"Right, guess I should've changed" she admits, scratching her head bashfully "I just rushed here without thinking as soon as Samuel told me you and Eric are back."
A smirk rises on the man's face, and the twinkle in his eyes tells Sasha exactly what's coming.
"What, did you miss me that bad?"
"Oh, shut up" she rolls her eyes. Then, her smile dims a little as she admits: "It's been rough few days, is all. I needed some good news."
Jonas' mocking face disappears after that; the man can read the mood. He shrugs, looking a little uncomfortable as he says: "Well, I suppose being counted as "good news" is a good thing."
Sasha chuckles, but a loud, clearly faked cough from behind her drops her smile.
"Right, he wasn't alone" she thinks as she turns to face the three other Marleyans present, all strangers to her as far as she can tell. It might've been possible that one or two of them had been here before and she might've seen them, but if that was the case, she hadn't interacted with them much "Um, hi?"
The three just stared, and Sasha sweat dropped. How to make this less awkward?
Jonas cleared his throat.
"Guys, this is Sasha. No idea what her position in the military officially is, but it's high up even though she often ends up doing grunt work" a small pause "She's an idiot, but a harmless one."
"Wha- hey!" Sasha protested after Jonas added the later part. The man just shrugs with a lopsided smirk.
"You run in here just like that, right in the middle of a group of Marleyan soldiers, without any warning? You're lucky no one shot you on reflex, you know. Heck, if this was my first time here, I probably would have shot you in their shoes."
"Is that a roundabout way of saying that you have better reflexes than us?" one of the Marleyans asked.
"More like he's just the most hotheaded one" Samuel comments as he finally reaches the group, glaring at Sasha "Don't dash off like that; it was dangerous! What if they'd actually shot you?"
Sasha really hadn't thought of that possibility, and she had to admit it had been an amateurish mistake. She'd just been so glad to hear the news that she hadn't been thinking clearly.
"I would've been screwed" Sasha admitted, sheepishly rubbing the back of her head "Sorry."
"Honestly, knowing there are soldiers like her, sometimes I wonder why on earth would anyone be afraid of this place" Jonas taunts, smirk still in place as he had seemingly chosen to ignore what Samuel said about him. Sasha pouted, not sure if Jonas was simply taunting her for fun or if he was also trying to make the newcomers more at ease at the Devil's Island. Just in case that it was also the later, she decided to not let him have it for that comment. For now.
"To be fair, we only have one or two more idiots of her level" Samuel adds with a grin of his own, making himself the target of Sasha's glare "The rest of us are smarter."
"Not that much is even needed for that" Jonas adds, and Samuel snorts. Not liking how she was the only target for the constant mocking, Sasha says: "Well, maybe that means that even you Jonas can reach that level."
First to react is Samuel as he bursts out in laughter, and Sasha could swear that at least one, but it could've also been two, of the Marleyans snorted at her comment. Jonas, however, was not as amused.
"Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to tolerate you" he tells her.
"C'mon Jonas, that's the best comeback you can come up with?" one of the Marleyans, a young man probably not even twenty yet, asks. He's smiling "Maybe you actually haven't reached that level quite yet."
"Seriously?" Jonas groans as Sasha and Samuel laugh alongside the young Marleyan, and Sasha was sure the other two were smiling as well, even though the one with bigger build looked like he was trying to hold it back "Now you're turning my own countrymen against me?"
"That would be bad" the new voice gets Sasha's attention and she stops laughing, though she's still smiling. Together with the others, she turns to look behind them where two men approach, balancing three mugs of what she can smell to be coffee in their hands each. It takes her a few seconds, but eventually she recognizes the other one as Eric, and the one who spoke looks vaguely familiar, too.
"Eric!" she calls out, but doesn't make a mad dash to the man like he did with Jonas. She had made enough of a fool of herself for today "It's good to see you again."
"…It's good to see you, too" Eric said. There was a smile on his face, but it looked strained, and Sasha felt like he had hesitated saying that. Was it because there were other Marleyans present, or because of some particular one of them? Or had his attitude towards Eldians, which had been turning better on his last stay here, started to turn back? …Was she overthinking this?
She watched Eric and the other guy, she'd definitely seen him before but she couldn't pinpoint when or where, hand the mugs to Jonas and the others. As she did, she noticed that somehow, the two coming over had soured the mood. None of the Marleyans were smiling anymore, and neither was Samuel, though in his case it was probably because he sensed the change in the mood despite not knowing the reason.
"We should probably head back" Samuel turned to Sasha, getting her attention "I know you have this day off, but if you're going to be in the area, you need to change in to your uniform."
"Right" she agreed. Turning to face the group one last time, she says: "It was nice seeing you two again, and nice to meet the rest of you guys, too! I hope we'll all get along."
Eric just gives them a weak smile, but at least Jonas answers: "Yeah, it was good seeing you, too. Don't cause any trouble on your way back."
Samuel chuckles, and Sasha makes a face at the Marleyan, barely keeping herself from smiling. Something was definitely off, but it couldn't be that bad if Jonas still kept throwing jabs at her, right?
As she and Samuel walked away, he had to escort her just in case since someone could mistake her for a civilian, Sasha wondered if the man knew something she didn't about their friends' behavior. When they got back to the barracks, she finally asked: "Don't you think Eric was acting a little… off? And Jonas too, later."
She kept her eyes on the man's face as she asked, so she didn't miss the scowl when it came.
"I think it's about that guy that brought the drinks with Eric" he said "Apparently, his brother was among the ones held prisoner here. The guy did survive and go home, but he didn't seem to have the best opinion of us, and he's spread his attitude to his brother, who in turn is spreading it among the rest of the Marleyans."
Sasha winced; that wasn't good… wait, a POW's brother? Something about that sounded familiar… ah! She remembered. Long time ago she had talked briefly to a Marleyan soldier whose brother had been a war prisoner here. It had been a really short talk, though, or more like her asking a question and him not answering. She couldn't remember his name, but now that she thought about it, she was starting to get convinced that it had been the same guy that she saw today.
"Well, that explains a lot" she says "Looks like we'll have our hands full with convincing him that we're not the monsters he thinks we are."
Samuel gives her a look.
"I don't think we can pull that off" he says "Just focus on trying to avoid actual conflicts. I feel like if we can manage that, that's already a lot."
Samuel had a point, of course, but Sasha would prefer to be a little more optimistic. She'd try to get the guy soften up a bit, and try to find out if his brother was someone she could remember while she was at it, but she wouldn't push too much.
She was up for the challenge.
A.N: Jonas is back on Paradis! Raise your hand if you love the guy, I know I do! …Which is funny 'cause the original plan was to make him anything but lovable, just like with Ulrich, but those guys have lives of their own it seems.
