Chapter 54
When Sasha had gone back to her cell, she'd done her best to convince herself that everything would be fine, but as hours passed and all she could do was sit there, dark thoughts started to circle around in her head no matter how much she tried to keep it from happening. Her mind had gone back to Jonas, and that led to guilt taking over her mind. If she hadn't led Jonas so far, or at least not to that particular place, or if she hadn't selfishly asked him to stay behind because she thought she wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, he'd still be alive! There was no way around it; even if Samuel and the others had succeeded in their plan and things got dangerous, they wouldn't have escalated so quickly that they would've already put Jonas in direct danger. She and her selfish decisions were the only reason he was dead!
Sasha shook her head furiously, hugging her knees closer to her chest. She couldn't think like that, she had to stop. She had to think about something else… but there was nothing here to distract her! It was clear even with how dim the light coming from the bars on the door was…
…
Cells tended to remind her of two people. One was Nikolo; she'd visited him as often as she could after he was locked up because of the whole poisoned wine -mess. The other was Eren, who had a tendency to get thrown in a cell in his younger years, even if it was mostly as a precaution. But when it hadn't been, like after the battle to take back Wall Maria, what had Eren thought when he served his time? She was sure he hadn't really had anything to do, either. Had he also thought about the lives lost, about what he could've done differently? Had he felt the same as her now, on all those occasions, while she was busy… doing what, exactly? Regular chores, messing around with Connie, picking on Jean… she'd had her own problems, too, but she'd always had someone to talk about them with. She'd never been alone with her worries, at least not the really heavy ones. But now…
Sasha shakes her head again. This was only temporary; once she was out, she could talk about her worries to Jean… or if he was too busy, maybe captain Levi? She'd prefer Hanji, somehow, but if Jean would be too busy, she would definitely be, too, and Connie and Mikasa weren't around. Connie had been stationed close to Shiganshina within Wall Maria, so he'd get the word fast. Maybe he'd be there for her once she got out of here? Maybe he was already on his way? She sure hoped so, for Mikasa wouldn't be. She'd left for Hizuru soon after Armin's death, as planned… how was she doing? So far there'd been no letter, but that was understandable; while they were in good terms with the nation thanks to the Azumabito clan, it's not like ships went back and forth from Eldia to Hizuru often. Apparently, they'd sail more frequently once things would have calmed down a bit more, but right now, they didn't want to anger Marley any more than they already had.
Just as her thoughts started to take these safer paths, Sasha heard the door open. She looks up, mentally preparing to see Richter again, but to her relief and, in a way, dread, it wasn't him.
It was Eric.
Sasha had no idea what to say to him. An apology was due, obviously, and condolences too, but how should she say it? What if she sounded guilty? Of course, it had been her fault, but she hadn't gotten Jonas killed on purpose. Surely, Eric would understand that, right? They were friends, so perhaps he already knew that? So, Sasha would have wished, but seeing the look on his face, she wasn't so sure about that. It was angry, accusing.
"Eric, I- "
"Save the excuses for someone who might believe them" Eric snaps, interrupting Sasha. She had been expecting something like that, but it still hurt to hear such disdain in her friend's voice. Part of her wanted to disobey the order, to make him listen to what she had to say, but she knew that wasn't an option. And if he had let her speak, she wasn't sure what she would've ended up saying.
"Like it wasn't enough that you tried to set me up, you took my knife, you even went and killed Jonas! After everything that- was that your motive? Did you act friendly so that you'd have an alibi when your plan was set in motion!?"
The idea hadn't occurred to Sasha, but now she realizes that it might have been Samuel's motive, at least partly. Maybe he would've even pretended to defend Eric, the man he had tried to set up. She didn't want to think like this, but the possibility brought just a bit more sense to Samuel's actions.
"Maybe Samuel did think that. I can't say for sure; he didn't explain anything that night, and what I found out from the others only talked about his motives long term. But I'm sure he- "
"Really?" Eric interrupts her. He'd looked like he wanted to do so the whole time, but held himself back until now "You're going to pin everything on Samuel, like you're not responsible at all? Is that how little you care about him? Or did you two decide this beforehand? One would insist they worked alone so that the other could continue causing harm to us and endanger the peace!?"
Sasha had wanted to interrupt Eric when he'd accused her of pinning the blame on Samuel, but she had not figured out the words how. Now, that the man had either paused or finished, she still wasn't sure what to say, but she knew she had to say something.
"That's not it" she tried, squeezing her fists against the fabric of her pants "I had no idea about what Samuel was up to- "
"Yeah, of course you'd say that. It's exactly as I said!"
Sasha realized that Eric was right. If she and Samuel had made such a plan, then of course she'd deny it. But they hadn't, and that was the truth. How could she convince him?
"…I'm sorry about Jonas" she decided to say instead of arguing. If she were as smart as Armin, or at least somewhere close to it, she might've been able to convince Eric, but as she was, it was useless. Especially since his mind seemed to be set.
"Sure, you are" Eric said, sarcasm dripping from his voice "Aside from him being dead, do you know what's worst about all this?"
Was he expecting an answer, or was he monologuing? Sasha wasn't sure, but when the silence went on, she figured it had been the first option after all.
"That this makes keeping up the peace harder?" she answers. Honestly, that was the thing Sasha herself regretted the most aside from getting Jonas killed. It worried her even more than the fates of her two conspiring friends.
Eric chuckles, which surprises Sasha, but it also makes her warier. The chuckle was more like a bitter than a humored one.
"There is that, sure. It's even more important than Jonas' death if we look at the bigger picture. But when I look at this on personal level, do you know what's the worst part?"
"Besides Jonas' death", he'd said. That meant that was the worst part, and Sasha could agree with that. But what would come after it? She eyed Eric. His hair, short as it was, was a mess and he looked like he hadn't really slept during the last few days. Had he had no time to, or was he unable to? Did the thoughts of everything that had happened give him trouble sleeping? Sasha knew what that was like; the important things kept her awake at night as well. That's also why she'd asked Jonas to stay and talk-
"Urgh, don't think about that now!" Sasha scolded herself, briefly closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before blowing it out. She couldn't go there.
"You have no idea, do you?" Eric snarls, clearly not liking it. He expected her to know.
"I… suppose not" Sasha admitted. She had long since accepted that she wasn't the smartest one out there and these days it was rare for it to really bother her, but right now, it definitely did "I'm sorry."
Eric ignored her apology.
"The worst part is that you guys had us, me and Jonas, completely fooled! We thought that, despite of being what you are, you were actually good people, and our friends! But you were just using us!" he yelled, and while the lighting wasn't the best, Sasha was sure those were tears she saw in his eyes. She felt like crying too, but held herself back. Not because she wanted to have dignity or anything like that, but because she felt like it would just make Eric angrier, that he'd just assume them to be fake tears.
"We did- do think of you as our friends!" or at least she did. She wasn't sure about Samuel anymore, but surely, he couldn't have been able to act so well if it all had been just a ploy. He had to have felt something, at some point.
Sasha stands up, wanting to get closer to look at Eric properly in the eyes, hoping that it would be easier to convince him that way, but she realizes it to be a mistake before she's even taken a proper step forward, for that is when Eric pulls out his gun, pointing it at her.
"Not one step" he says, and Sasha obeys. The distance is too long for her to try to snatch the gun, and even if it wasn't, such a move would get her in to even more trouble.
"Why us? Was it just a coincidence, or did you have some reason to get close to us specifically?"
"I just wanted to clear the air between us and you, and since I ended up working with you two, you were a natural choice" Sasha told him "I never meant any harm- "
"Quit it already; I don't want to hear your excuses!" Eric yells at her again, and Sasha wonders if someone will hear him and come see what it was about. If someone did come, would it make the situation even worse?
Silence followed, and Sasha couldn't hear anyone approaching them. Maybe that was good, especially since Eric still had the gun out. If someone came, they might end up provoking him. She wondered if she should back away to the further end of the cell, but she might provoke him just by moving. There was nothing she could do to defuse the situation, was there?
The time they spent standing there, just staring, or in Eric's case, glaring, at each other felt like eternity to Sasha. Having a gun pointed at her was always nerve wracking, yes, but combined with such a hateful gaze on her, it was twice as bad. Eventually though, Eric put the gun away. Still, she didn't dare to move or say anything anymore.
"I hope they hang you along with Samuel and that other one" the Marleyan said before turning around and walking out of the door, slamming it shut behind him. Once he was gone, Sasha sank down on to her knees, unable to keep her tears away as she did.
XXXXX
"Glad to see you're doing better" Thomas says as he sits down on Nikolo's desk chair, which was still the only chair in the room. Nikolo himself was sitting on his bed, but he really wanted a second chair here. Asking for one shouldn't be too much; he'd behaved well for the last two months, right? "I would've come earlier, your brother told me your condition was improving, but I was worried that seeing an old colleague might… um…"
"Lead to bitterness 'cause my career's over?" Nikolo offered. That felt like a safe enough of a thing to say, even when Thomas flinched a little.
"…Something along those lines, yeah" he admitted "…Do you want me to leave?"
"Nah, all's good. Besides, life would be hard once I get out if I couldn't handle seeing soldiers."
The small change in Thomas' expression is gone so fast that had Nikolo not been looking straight at him, he would've missed it. But he saw, and wondered what it was about. Did his friend think he wouldn't get out any time soon? …Well, if he did, he was probably right; the doctor had said it'd take about half a year, if he behaved, and only two months had gone. Four months did count as a long time, didn't it?
"So, where's Jonas? Too busy?" he asks, not wanting to dwell on that. Thomas looks surprised at the question, but recovers quickly. From that, Nikolo figures that he has actually been told why his other friend is absent, but has just forgotten. He just hopes he wasn't told about it today; surely, he couldn't be that out of it? He didn't feel like it, but…
"He's been stationed out of town, but it's only temporary. He'll be back."
"Lord save our poor souls from that" Nikolo says with a chuckle, and Thomas laughs along with him "Where's he at?"
At that, Thomas looks very uncomfortable, way more so than earlier. Nikolo narrows his eyes as Thomas avoids his gaze. While the man could just be uncomfortable with him asking about military information, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. These things usually weren't highly classified… did he want to avoid talking about this because he thought it'd damage Nikolo's mental health? That was possible, but this felt bigger than that…
"He went to Paradis again?" Nikolo's throwing a guess, really. It would explain why Thomas was so uncomfortable, but from the widening of his eyes and from how rigid he goes, the former soldier knows he's right.
"…So, you remembered."
Oh, so he had been told. With a reaction like that, there was no way Thomas had done it. Must've been Jonas himself before he left.
"Actually, it was a guess based on your reaction" Nikolo admitted, smiling wryly at the shocked look on Thomas' face "You need to work on your poker face."
"…Noted" the man says after a while. Then, he confesses: "Jonas actually told you about it the last time we visited, I told him not to but he did it anyway, but it seems you were too out of it to remember."
Just as Nikolo had suspected, then.
"When will he be back, then?"
"In a month or so" Thomas says "But I don't think we should be talking about this. You're no longer a soldier and… well…"
Nikolo snorts, shaking his head.
"One conversation won't harm me… but sure, we can talk about something else."
It was the right call, he realized when he saw how relieved Thomas looked. Not that that was the reason why he suggested that; while he didn't want to hurt the man, he wasn't actively avoiding it, either, but he didn't want another conflict between them, one that could potentially push further his chance to get out of here. He had to tread carefully around everyone, especially those who tried to look out for him yet tended to do more harm than good.
"But once Jonas gets back, I'll have someone to talk with a bit more freely."
XXXXX
Sasha had been interrogated again, though thankfully, it was by captain Frank this time. He asked about the same things she had told them before, so he got the same answers. She could read it from his face that he wasn't happy with her answers, but he didn't resort to violence, which got him on her good side. Of course, she would've preferred to be believed and let out, but she couldn't bring herself to feel angry at him; he was just doing his job. Had she been in his shoes, she would've probably acted very similarly. And she got food, simple and plain but food was food, and a bathroom break, so for a prisoner, she was treated decently enough.
Still, as one of the soldiers brought to her what she assumed was the breakfast of the next morning, Sasha wished that the Marleyans would've come to some kind of decision regarding her already. But no such a luck, and the man bringing her food ignored her when she tried to ask about it. She wasn't the best at keeping track of time, especially since she didn't know when she'd gotten what she only assumed to be breakfast, but once she was finally led outside, with her hands tied up again mind you, she judged from the sun's position that it had to be well past midday, maybe around six pm. No wonder she was hungry again. Fortunately, she had been allowed to use a bathroom before they got outside; otherwise, she might have had a very urgent problem soon.
Sasha walked on between two guards, straight behind a third one, looking around without turning her head all that much. It didn't take long for her to be convinced they were going to a different direction than what she assumed was yesterday when she was allowed to see Jean and Hanji. That felt like a bad sign, but since she had been treated in civilized manner, maybe she didn't need to be all that worried. Maybe she was being taken to somewhere more formal for yet another interrogation? That would make sense.
With that in mind, she wasn't too worried as she steadily walked ahead. However, whatever faith she had in everything being fine came crashing down once they reached a crowd of soldiers, both Marley's and theirs, gathered around something she immediately recognized but wished she didn't.
Gallows, ready for use.
She didn't know how, but for some reason, Sasha managed to keep walking forward to where she was led, not once halting or stumbling with her steps. She was terrified, yet at the same time, her mind was blank; she had no idea of what to say or do. She tried to think of something, something that could change things, but no words came out and her body just kept moving ahead, without her consent. So lost in her horror, she didn't register Hanji's presence until the woman was right in front of her, hands on her shoulders and shaking her.
"…sha? Sasha, can you hear me?"
Sasha manages to blink, and that eventually brings her back to reality.
"Commander?" she manages to get that one word out, and she sees Hanji sigh in relief.
"She's alright; just zoned out a little" the older woman says. Sasha doesn't know to who, but she does realize it's not addressed at her "Can you give us a moment, please?"
Sasha sees movement behind Hanji, and she can tell there's someone in Marley's uniform, but the person is leaving, or at least going further away. Somehow, that makes breathing easier, and the slight feeling of relief is enough to make her legs feel weak.
"Whoa, easy!" Hanji is, thankfully, there and ready to steady her "Are you okay? Do you have a head injury after all? They said you were fine, but- "
"I am" Sasha cuts her off "I'm fine, just… a lot's been in my mind, and all this- "
Her words cut off there as Sasha doesn't get another word out. She tries to gather her thoughts. Hanji was here and allowed to talk to her, so the situation couldn't be what she thought it was like. There was some misunderstanding, and once she realized that, she was able to take a deep breath. Mind clearing, she forced herself to be as calm as possible and just hear what Hanji had to say. Whatever it would be, it would bring some clarity to the situation.
Thankfully, the older woman seems to understand as she smiles, probably in order to reassure Sasha, but to the younger woman, the commander looks very sad. Whatever was happening, it was clearly bad.
"It's alright, Sasha, you're alright. This isn't about you" she says, and after that, Sasha can think much clearer. Not about her, she wasn't about to die. But from the sight she'd seen, someone was, and in this situation, it could only be-
"Samuel?"
"He's not talking, not even after Jean and I tried to reason with him" Hanji says grimly "So they decided to make an example out of him."
It's not surprising, yet it still cuts Sasha like a knife. She bites her lip, knowing that asking if there was anything she could do would be pointless. Whatever could be done for her friend, Jean and Hanji must've done it already. He was done for.
"…And Daz?"
"He'll live, at least for now. He's talking and both sides still try to get him to remember more, so even if they plan to execute him, it won't be too soon. Hopefully, by the time they deem they've gotten all they can out of him, his cooperation will be taken in to account and will help him to get a lighter punishment." Hanji answers. It was a small comfort to cling to after the bad news, but Sasha gladly took it.
Concern in her eyes, Hanji says: "Just hang in there, alright? It seems like it'll take a while, but Jean and I will come up with something. Onyankopon's on his way here, too, so we'll figure this out."
"Isn't that risky? If someone recognizes him, it could cause more trouble."
"We'll take that risk. And it's not like he'll be walking around; we'll keep him out of sight. We've got this. You just keep cooperating with them, try to leave as good of an impression as you can, and be patient."
"Right" Sasha says. She believed in them, she really did, even though her panic reaction from earlier told her otherwise. It made her feel guilty, especially since Hanji had clearly noticed. The older woman hadn't said anything about it, but Sasha swore to herself that she'd apologize for her lack of faith when this was all over.
The thought that she might never get the chance to do so existed, but Sasha did her best to ignore it.
They had to part ways then and the Marleyans came back, escorting Sasha to her assigned place to see the execution. She knew the example was not just for Daz and whatever comrades he and Samuel had in hiding, but for her and everyone else, too. Marley wanted to show it had power, and Sasha knew it was working. Being calmer now, she was able to look at people properly, and saw the disbelief and hatred on the faces of many of her comrades.
But even if they were angry, surely none of them would decide to cause trouble now, right? Surely everyone must see that the situation was far too fragile for that… but what if that was exactly what someone was counting on? What if someone with same ideals as Samuel chose to make a move now in order to have things escalate to a war?
Sasha swallowed. While something like that could possibly save her friend, it'd be his only hope in fact, she really hoped it wouldn't happen. If it did, lots of people would certainly die, from both sides. Tied up and surrounded by Marleyans as she was, she'd most likely be among the first victims, too. If something were to happen, she'd have better chances at hearing it than seeing it; the people around her blocked her view from the sides and she couldn't turn around, so all she saw was what was in front of her. Sasha closes her eyes, focusing on all the sounds around her. She could hear the sounds of boots, of people talking in normal and hushed volumes. She heard a few seagulls, but not the waves of the ocean. Not that it was a surprise; while they were at the harbor, they weren't right next to the waterline and the weather was calm. Plus, while no one was exactly loud, this many people around tended to drown the sounds of nature.
She listened to the sounds around her until one of the Marleyans shook her shoulder and snapped at her to keep her eyes open. She obeys, just in time to see Samuel walk to the gallows. It makes her wish she'd kept them closed, but she knows that she was brought here precisely so that she'd see this. Closing her eyes now would be considered disobeying. And to be honest, part of her felt like she owed Samuel, for had she not been there that night, none of this might be happening, so she was going to watch this to the end.
Samuel didn't look too good, though he was well enough to walk on his own, slowly. Hist left eye was swelled shut, his lower lip split, and he was limping. Sasha caught a sight of his hands, tied behind his back, and saw he was missing fingernails. She gulped, reminding herself that it didn't mean the Marleyans were evil; she knew that years back, the scouts had done the same thing during the uprising. Still, seeing it having been done to her friend was different than having seen it done to a stranger.
The noose was put around Samuel's neck, and he didn't fight that, either.
"Any last words?" captain Frank, who had just walked up on the execution platform, asked loudly, probably loud enough for everyone gathered to hear. Samuel raises his head, is eyes scanning the crowd, briefly locking with Sasha's before continuing the scan. Then, he loudly declares: "Do you see, my fellow soldiers!? A Marleyan will never waste a chance to kill an Eldian! Never forget that!"
Silence follows those words from both sides, but while no one rises to the bait right now, Sasha feels like it was one of the worst things he could've said. She was sure that not only did he stir their people's suspicions about the Marleyans, but also gave out a self-fulfilling prophecy. Somewhere, someday, some Marleyan now present would probably use those words as an excuse to kill someone. Perhaps they made the executioner of the day feel less guilty about the life they were about to take… or maybe the life of an Eldian wasn't worth enough for them to feel guilty.
Sasha winces, knowing she shouldn't have such thoughts; prejudices were bad. She watches on as Samuel stands on the specific spot and sees how the hooded person in the back pulls the rope, making the floor under Samuel open and dropping her friend through it. She knew it wasn't uncommon to hang criminals, but this was still the first time she saw a hanging. Despite having seen countless people die in different ways, those deaths had always been more or less chaotic, happening in terrible circumstances… but this? This was a controlled environment. Those in charge could prevent the death easily, unlike with the deaths she usually witnessed, yet no one did anything. She herself didn't do anything, either. Fortunately, Samuel's death seems to be quick; it looked like his neck snapped right away. In a way, it was a relief; she knew that sometimes, it didn't happen immediately and the person being hung ended up choked by the rope. This was a small mercy on this horrible day.
A mercy that some of the Marleyans seemed disappointed by.
Sasha bites back a sigh, closing her eyes. Unfortunately, that wasn't just her prejudices; some of the Marleyans really looked disappointed, and she could swear she heard someone mutter "well, that was dull" and it certainly couldn't have been one of theirs.
"Did you fall asleep watching one of your comrades die? You island devils really are something else…" the soldier next to her said when he shook her shoulder again. Sasha opened her eyes, but didn't bother with a reply and quietly followed the Marleyan soldiers back to her cell. She needed to be patient. Samuel was gone, but she and Daz were still alive, and the commander was going to help them.
It would be alright, eventually.
