Chapter 59

The next day, Nikolo spent his first few waking hours, minus breakfast, looking for the note where he had gathered the contact information of his fellow soldiers who'd been stuck on the island, including Grior's. He'd found it pressed between the pages of a cookbook in his bookshelf, he'd obviously used it as a bookmark, and headed straight to the address Grior had written there, despite his mother's clear worry of him as he left again without being able to tell what time he'd be back. But how could he when he didn't know if Grior was home, or even in the city? He'd decided to wait near the man's place until dinner time if needed, and if he didn't show up, ask around from some colleagues, ahem, former colleagues of his, he still hadn't gotten used to the idea of being a civilian, if Grior was in town or not, sure that they'd tell him at least that much.

Grior's neighborhood was much nicer than the one he'd been to yesterday, Nikolo noted, but it was still a block of apartments instead of nice, big single homes like the one he lived in. He had never really visited his friends from the military aside from the ones living in the barracks, and he wondered if most of them lived like this, or if their homes were more like that of Thomas. With a bit of quilt, he realized that he should've put in more effort in to getting to know his comrades, to know something about them as people and not just as soldiers. Was it too late now? Would seeing him be too awkward for them now? That was the impression he'd gotten from some when he'd been looking for Thomas, but maybe they'd get over it after a while?

Realizing that he'd reached the right building, Nikolo pushed those thoughts aside before going for the middle one of the five apartments of a tile rowhouse and knocking on its door, one that he wasn't sure of if it was brown or red. Probably brown though; that felt more like Grior. He hears movement from the inside, and not long after the door opens, but while there is a strong resemblance, the man behind it certainly isn't Grior. Probably his brother, Nikolo had heard of him before, but the man's name escaped his memory.

"Good afternoon. I'm Nikolo, I used to work with Grior. Is he home?"

"No, he's not, but he'll be back in a few hours" the man says. His face doesn't show any signs of recognizing the name he heard, so Nikolo figured Grior hadn't talked about him, or if he did, it had either been a brief mention or without his actual name "Is it something urgent?"

"Well, not exactly, but it is of personal importance… I think I'll be back in a few hours. Thanks for telling me" Nikolo says. He could just wait for Grior outside like he had done with Thomas, but his brother would probably find it weird, and he didn't want to cause a scene.

The man eyed him for a moment, with a gaze that looked bored but which Nikolo guessed to be calculative, much like with Grior. Just as he was about to turn to leave, he says: "You can wait inside if you want; I was getting bored anyway and could do with some company."

Nikolo quickly weighted the pros and cons of accepting the offer. It would certainly spare him the effort of having to come back later, and if he recalled correctly, Grior's brother was also a soldier; if he played his cards right, he might get some information, assuming the man had any. But if he stayed, there was a chance that it would cross some invisible line Grior would not want him to, and make getting information from him harder. But perhaps that was a risk worth taking.

"Sure. Thanks" was the decision Nikolo came to. As he entered the apartment, he noted that it was far cozier than Thomas', and it wasn't just for the better condition the place was in. Grior's home was properly furnished, including paintings on the walls and well-kept carpets on the floor, while pretty much everything in Thomas' place had looked like he'd accepted whatever he'd gotten his hands on. And he probably had, Nikolo realized.

"The name's Horst, in case my brother never mentioned" right, that's what it was, Nikolo thought as the man's voice dragged him out of his musings "Want some coffee?"

"Yes, thank you" Nikolo didn't want to impose, but if he was going to wait here for a few hours anyway, having a cup of coffee sounded as good of a way as any to pass time. Plus, refusing could make things awkward.

He is led to a well-kept, spotless kitchen, reminding Nikolo of how much of a neat freak Grior could be, even if he paled in comparison to captain Levi. It had been useful; Grior had often voluntarily taken over cleaning the restaurant kitchen after they were done for the day, in return for Nikolo usually starting earlier than he did of course, but that had suited them both just fine.

"Grior keeps his kitchen as spotless as ever I see" Nikolo said simply to start a conversation as he sat down on one of the two chairs at the small kitchen table.

"He's strict about hygiene, yes, though not as much as before after he- "Horst pauses, glancing at Nikolo from his spot at the stove "…Would I be wrong if I assumed you were stuck on that island, too?"

"What gave me away?" Nikolo asks after a short pause.

"Kitchen duty. My brother didn't have that often in the military as far as I know, especially not after his time as a cadet. While he doesn't really talk much about his time on the island, he did mention being stuck working at a restaurant. So, I figured that you might've been too since you knew his kitchen habits."

"I was in the same restaurant as him" Nikolo admitted "It wasn't that bad for me since I enjoy cooking, but while Grior was good at it, too, it didn't seem nearly as enjoyable for him…"

Nikolo trails off as he sees a look, he can't quite place, but definitely isn't a happy one, on Horst's face.

"Sorry. That's not really something I should be talking about, now is it"

"No no, it's fine" Horst assures hurriedly, turning around briefly to get a pair of coffee cups and plates from the upper shelf. Fine porcelain ones painted with decorative, pink flowers, similar to a set he'd seen in captain Levi's collection way back. It made him wonder if they were made way before the walls were created, perhaps in the same place as the ones he now saw. Or maybe it was his imagination, and they weren't the same at all. Who knows.

Horst brings the cups over, and then goes through the cabinets until he finds a cookie jar, or so Nikolo assumes, and he can't help but smile at the idea that the man just raided his brother's secret stash. After all, the jar had been in a top shelf farthest from the stove. Hidden behind something, Nikolo was sure. Had Grior's habits stayed the same all along, or did he create some during the years away from home that he still hadn't shaken off? He'd probably never know.

The silence continues as Horst adds the coffee grounds to the hot water and brings pot to the table, not forgetting to take along a plate to put it on. When he sits down to the other chair, he says: "Can I be blunt with you?"

"Sure" Nikolo replies as he shifts in his seat, trying not to think too much of it. Grior might have said something about him to his brother after all, without mentioning a name, and Horst could have connected the dots. If that was the case, he could probably expect anything… but, he reminded himself, it couldn't be all that bad since he hadn't been thrown out yet.

"Could you tell me something about your time on the island? My brother doesn't really talk about it, and I understand that of course, it wasn't easy for him, but talking about things is said to help, and I want to understand him better. I'm… worried about him. I understand if it's too hard for you too, but since you already started, I figured it might be easier for you than him."

That was blunt alright, but Nikolo had said he could be so, hadn't he? He hadn't expected this, and wasn't sure what he should say. While Horst himself probably wasn't any kind of threat to him, if he crossed a line and said something Grior didn't want to be shared, the guy would have plenty of things to get revenge with. But he felt like he had to say something. Maybe it could even help Grior in the long run?

"I'm not sure what is alright for me to share; I don't want to invade your brother's privacy too much" he says carefully "But he probably won't mind if I tell you a thing or two about our everyday life during the nine years."

And that's what he does. He mentions how they were kept in cells and prison camps at first, but doesn't go in to any details. Instead, he focuses on the restaurant they'd worked at, describing it's interior, furnishing, the dishes they made, including the recipes that originated from the island, and the city their restaurant was in, one that they had been allowed to explore under supervision, usually Jean or Sasha's, though of course he leaves their names out. Not that it stops him from talking about the people, carefully of course. He tells about the stuck-up military police officers, having no trouble saying bad things about them as all he said was true instead of propaganda. He mentions, very briefly, like it had just popped in to his mind for no reason, a loud and slightly airheaded, curious soldier who kept bugging them about letting her test new foods, annoying Grior to no end. Then, he quickly changes subject to something less pleasant, in this case captain Levi, in order to not let too much fondness, sneak up to his voice or face. He tells about the short neat freak, yes, even more so than Grior, he confirms when Horst asks, and how he scared even his most trusted comrades when he got mad about any sloppily done cleaning job.

Through this all, Horst listens attentively, only interrupting to ask a clarifying question every now and then. Once Nikolo runs out of things to say that he considers safe enough, he takes another cookie, having eaten one as he spoke as well, and decides to turn the conversation to Horst.

"You're in the military like Grior, right? Have you considered volunteering to go to the island?"

The cup that Horst had been just about to drink from briefly pauses midrise before continuing again. He takes a sip before answering: "I've already been there. Twice."

Nikolo's eyebrows shoot up in genuine surprise. He would've expected Grior to make it clear to his brother not to go, and to some extent, he'd expected Horst to listen. Then again, while he knew Grior, he didn't know his brother; maybe Horst was the kind of person to rebel against his elders.

The former soldier voices his thoughts, but while it was apparently true that Grior had advised against it, turns out Horst's reasons didn't lie in some childish rebellion.

"There's a shortage of volunteers. While there are a lot of soldiers that can be just ordered to go, sooner or later those who were held prisoner there, like my brother, might be ordered to go if there aren't enough people volunteering, especially as they might want people who're used to dealing with the island devils. So, I plan to become one of those people in order to be able to offer myself up for service in my brother's place if he ever receives the order to go back."

Nikolo respected that, and wondered if he would've done something similar were Ulrich a soldier too and had ended up on the island in his stead… he probably would have, but less out of love for his brother and more out of desire to show that he could do it too, he realized. And was shamed of this realization. He liked to think he was a better person than that now, but if it wasn't for what he'd gone through, that kind of self-centered thinking would probably still be in power.

"Since you're ready to go back, I guess that means all went well?" Nikolo decides to make a move, trying to see if Horst would let something slip about the incident that led to Jonas' death. Even if he hadn't been on the island when it happened, by now a man who'd volunteered to go to the island and was probably known to volunteer again had certainly heard something.

He clearly had, Nikolo could tell from the way his shoulders tensed. He wanted to push for more information, but he controlled his curiosity, knowing that it could lead to the subject dropping. Wanting to pretend it wasn't important, Nikolo munches on the cookie and takes a sip from his coffee, downing the rest of it.

Instead of answering his question, Horst offers him more coffee, and Nikolo accepts. Just when he thinks the subject had been changed, Horst says: "The first time I was there, things went on without any major trouble."

First time implied that there had been trouble the second time, but Nikolo doesn't latch on to that, wanting to appear like it didn't matter all that much. And Horst had brought it up despite having a good chance to back away, so if he waited, the man would surely continue.

"The second time, some months back, there was… quite a large incident, one that might've had the chance to escalate in to a war… but that's all settled, mostly at least, there's no reason to worry about it anymore." he says the last part in a hurry, like he was afraid that Nikolo would worry. Had he heard of this the first time, he probably would have, but his talk with Thomas had him prepared.

"All that… kind of shook me, I have to admit." Horst then continues "I told my brother as much, and I told him the details of everything too, but looking back, that was obviously a mistake; I shouldn't have dumbed the weight of these things on him. It's just that once I finally got back home, got a couple of weeks off even due to the circumstances, I had to get it out. And he had seemed to be alright, save for… one time, when he came home bloody, like he'd gotten in to a street fight, so I thought he'd be fine. But I'm no longer sure if that's the case."

Nikolo sipped his coffee, deciding to not mention that the street fight was probably the one against him. He also decided to not press anymore information from Horst; while he might be able to get something if he tried, judging from the way the man's hands slightly shook even now, he figured that going to any details wouldn't be worth the pain it would likely bring to him. He'd said he'd told everything to Grior, so Nikolo would just have to pester him when he got home. There'd be no need to hold back there; whatever Horst had seen, he must've been closely involved judging from the strong reaction, seemed to have shaken him more than anything Grior had faced had shaken him. Or maybe Grior had just grown numb to all of it over the years. Or maybe Nikolo just sucked at reading the guy, and discussing anything regarding the island was painful for him. He had been so blind to the suffering of his comrades before, as Grior had pointed out earlier, that he wouldn't be surprised if he still was so.

But even that wouldn't keep him from getting more information, as selfish as he knew it to be.

Horst cleared his throat, and Nikolo could tell the man was embarrassed of his own show of vulnerability, to a complete stranger no less. He didn't bother to assure him that there was nothing to be embarrassed of, for he knew that could make the feeling worse, so he just pretended like the awkwardness in the air wasn't there in the first place, focusing his attention on a painting on the wall instead. It was quite large one, of a man and a horse plowing a field together. There would've easily been enough space to give the man detailed facial features, yet his face had been left blurry, most likely on purpose to convey the message of an anonymous man being one of the many who'd taken care of, and still do, of providing Marley with what it needed… or something. He had been taught a few things about art when he'd been younger, but he'd never been interested enough to pay much attention to it. If someone asked, he wouldn't have trouble admitting that he didn't understand art. A painting either looked good or it didn't, and he wouldn't dwell on it any more than that, looking for hidden meanings like some art critic.

"Our grandmother painted that, apparently soon after she and grandfather got married" Horst suddenly says, seeming to get over his embarrassment, or at least being determined to ignore it. He tells more about the painting, including how he'd inherited it five years ago when their grandmother died, and Nikolo plays along, allowing the subject to change, listening to tales about Horst and Grior's grandparents, and telling a few of his own as well, though he mostly listened, wondering if Horst was always this chatty, probably not, at least if he was anything like Grior, or if he was simply trying to get the earlier talk out of his mind. He got convinced it was the later, so when Horst suddenly returns to the subject of the island, it catches him off guard.

"I don't believe your time on the island was entirely spent working at a restaurant" he says "You left out the darker parts, didn't you?"

Nikolo shrugs, admitting that it was true. That it was a given that it always wasn't that easy.

"And yet you, my brother and others too came back alive, even after they found out you'd been poisoning them."

Nikolo's not surprised that Horst knew, and he knows the what the man is going for before the question comes.

"Why did they spare you?"

Nikolo wonders what Grior had answered to the same question, but then realizes that maybe Horst hadn't wanted to upset his brother by asking that. Grior simply not having answered could also be the case. But what should he say?

"I think…" he starts carefully, deciding to go with something vague, but still truthful "I think that some of them calculated that sparing us would make them look better in the long run, while some others simply took pity on us. And maybe some considered that we were just soldiers doing our job, and respected our dedication to the cause."

Since there's no rebuttal, Horst seems to be satisfied with his explanation.

"I can understand that. What I don't understand is what happened during the incident that I mentioned earlier. The truth is, someone died. One of ours, but he wasn't the one the bullet had been meant for. I was the target, yet the bullet went astray because someone jumped in to defend me. An Eldian jumped in to protect me, one of the island's own."

Nikolo's mind was racing. The someone who died was clearly Jonas. But who'd fired the shot? And who'd helped Horst? The options for the later were far more limited than for the former, and since Jonas had been there, too… could it be? Had it been…? No way, it was a coincidence, right? Jonas and Sasha might've been friends, but what were the chances that she'd been there with him?

"Maybe they just wanted to avoid things escalating to a war" Nikolo says, but considers it worth the risk to add: "Or maybe they just didn't want to see an unnecessary loss of life. I know I wouldn't."

The argument of "but that was an island devil" was on the tip of Horst's tongue, Nikolo could tell it from the face he made. And yet, he didn't say it. Nikolo didn't know if the man held his tongue in order to be polite to him, or if he actually considered the possibility, but either way, he decided not to push it. They sit in silence for a while, but eventually, Horst breaks it.

"I suppose there's a tiny possibility for that" he says "There are a lot of differences between people, so it's not that farfetched to think that some island devils would be more humane than others."

That was a pleasant surprise to Nikolo, as small of an admission as it was. Then again, from the brother of someone like Grior, that was quite a lot.

Horst sighs.

"Just between you and me, do not tell my brother I said this, I actually hope that they don't execute that island devil that was brought to Marley with us. And not just because it would anger the rest of them; it's just… that one stayed back to try to help Jonas, tried to stop the bleeding. Even I didn't do that. Instead, I ran for my life. Of course, the other devils were after my life, not hers, so it would've been far more dangerous for me to stay than it was for her, but back then… for a moment, I actually considered myself as lesser than that one devil."

Her. Some woman had been present when Jonas died. Some woman had tried to help him. And that woman had been brought to Marley. Nikolo's throat felt dry. Maybe, maybe it was just a coincidence, but he had to check.

"Do you remember that woman's name?"

"Yes, her first name was Sasha, and I think last name was- "

"Blouse" Nikolo cuts him off, eyes wide "Sasha Blouse."

"Yes, I think that was it" Horst confirms, but Nikolo's not listening anymore, his mind racing. Sasha was here, in Marley. As a prisoner. She… wait.

"If she's not the one who shot Jonas, then why was she brought here? What did she do?"

Horst told him how there wasn't a specific thing she'd done, but her actions not adding up. It was found questionable that she'd been there at the scene when Jonas had died. So, their officials were convinced she was hiding something, or perhaps even worked with the group who had killed Jonas, but ended up having some kind of fallout. And that's why she'd been brought to Marley for further questioning.

"But apparently, they haven't gotten anything out of her" Horst says right before they hear the front door open. Nikolo is up from his seat the second Grior comes to view, and the man doesn't have time to even say anything before the former soldier grasps him by the collar, demanding that he tell everything he knows.

"About…?" Grior asks for clarification, surprised but clearly unalarmed by Nikolo's actions.

"Like you don't know! Why didn't you tell me she was in Marley as soon as you heard!?"

Nikolo can pinpoint the moment Grior realizes what he's talking about, he can see the realization hit him, and he presses for answers: "Well!?"

Grior pushes Nikolo away, ignoring his piercing gaze and turning to Horst, who had stood up in alarm, instead: "Just how much did you tell this guy? He's a civilian these days you know. And what is he even doing here?"

"He didn't mention having quit military; I wouldn't have talked about the things I did if I knew" Horst defends himself "He came here looking for you! And what's with his reaction? You started acting odd when I mentioned the name, too, and you even demanded all the details after that. Just what did that woman do to you two?"

Nikolo didn't know what to answer to that, but truth to be told, he didn't care. He just wanted to know why Grior hadn't told- no, actually, scratch that. It didn't matter. What mattered now was finding out where Sasha was now and how to get there, and he was sure Grior had to have at least some kind of idea. He must've snooped around at least a little bit, right?

"Grior- "Nikolo was getting impatient, but the man cuts him off.

"Shut it" he snaps "Horst, go for a walk. A long one. In the meantime, I'm getting rid of this guy. Whatever conversation you two had, it never happened. Got it?"

"What?" Horst didn't just take it without a protest, glaring at his brother instead "No, I'm going to get some answers. Why are you two- "

"I'll tell you later, if you leave now. And I do mean now" there's a stare off, and impatient as he is, Nikolo is just about to interrupt before Horst looks away.

"Fine" he says "But once I come back, you're going to answer all of my questions. All of them." Horst doesn't wait for an answer before storming off, and after the front door closes, Grior finally returns his attention to Nikolo "Are you happy now?"

"I'll be happy once Sasha is happy and safe, which we both know she isn't now" Nikolo snaps back "You knew she'd been brought here! Why didn't you come to tell me?!"

Grior glares. He'd been doing so before too, but the hostility in his gaze grew as he snapped: "Am I your servant or something? I have no obligation to tell you anything. And she doesn't even want you to get involved!"

That hit Nikolo like a slap in the face, but it stung only briefly after he remembered who he was talking with. Of course, Grior would say something like that to get him to change his mind; he'd done so many times before, saying how Sasha would forget him, how she only ever kept him close for food… The earlier shock leaves his face as he scowls at Grior in annoyance.

"Right, of course she doesn't" he says, the sarcasm dripping from both his voice and expression as he crossed his arms "What else is new?"

Grior closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose before sighing in annoyance. He takes the few steps needed to reach one of the kitchen chairs before sitting down.

"Guess this is a case of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Except this time, the wolf is really there. She doesn't want to see you."

To Nikolo's surprise, Grior then repeats his conversation with Sasha, word to word as well as he can recall. He might have gotten some details wrong or forgotten something, he says, but he insists that he remembers the important points, and despite being skeptic first, Nikolo listens. At first, he thinks that Grior just came up with a new way to try to change his mind, but the things he says are so accurate, so like Sasha that he, who tended to switch the room just at the sight of her if he could, would not be able to make it all up. By the time Grior is finished, Nikolo has sunk down on to the floor, convinced that he was telling the truth.

"To think she'd get in to such a mess, just because of me…" he mutters. Nikolo sits there for a while, wondering about what his next move should be, and eventually comes to a decision. When he finally looks up, he can see Grior at the table drinking reheated coffee and eating cookies, watching him with a bored look on his face.

"Are you going to respect her wishes? You know you'll make all her suffering pointless if you do something stupid now, right?"

"Like you care about her suffering. And if I do nothing, she'll just continue to suffer, to wither away in that cell- "

"Unless her friends get her out" Grior points out "For all we know, they might be close to doing so, and you opening your mouth now could undo all their work and cause even more trouble. What if that turns out to be the case?"

Nikolo clenched his fists, which was probably enough to tell Grior that he hadn't thought of that.

"And what if it isn't the case? Then she'll just- they'll just- I can't just sit here doing nothing! I refuse to do nothing! So, tell me where I can find her, and I'll get out of your hair."

"I don't owe you anything, so why should I tell you? You do realize that people will ask how you found out about her, don't you? What are you going to tell them? The truth? Do you plan to pull me down with you, even after I stayed quiet for this long just for you?"

That actually gives Nikolo a pause as he realizes that Grior is right. While he could just be vague and say he did some digging here and there, that explanation on its own wouldn't be accepted. They'd want details on how he found out.

"…I'll keep my mouth shut when someone asks, I swear. Neither you nor Horst need to get involved in this, so please, just tell me."

Still sitting at the floor, he stares at Grior, hoping that the man will give in, if for no other reason than to just get rid of him.

Grior drinks the rest of his coffee and says: "No."

"No?"

"That's right, no. I'm not taking the risk, and I promised her to look after you, anyway, so I can't- "

"Like you care what you promised her!" Nikolo yells, standing up, and Grior looks back at him warily. Nikolo clenches his fists and grits his teeth, figuring that if he couldn't get what he wanted, needed, the good way, then he'd get it the bad way.

"I'll find her one way or the other, and when I do, people will ask questions, including how I found out about her. And if you don't help me right now, I'm going to tell them about your involvement and how you stayed quiet all this time. What do you think they'll say to that?" Nikolo asks. He doesn't like throwing around threats like this, but for Sasha, he'd do anything.

Grior narrows his eyes.

"Are you serious?" he stands up "Even if you find her, the chances that you'd actually be able to do anything for her are minimal, yet you're ready to throw others, your friends, isn't that what we are, to the dogs for her? And even Horst, who never did anything to you? Who that so dear Eldian of yours went so far for to save?"

Nikolo's voice doesn't shake when he confirms it.

"For her, I'd pull my own family down with me if I had to."

Grior's face twists with anger, and with a few quick steps he reaches Nikolo, yanking his collar. Realizing what's coming, Nikolo prepares to dodge the punch, but while Grior does draw his fist back and aims it for the other man's face, he stops mid-way, just staring at Nikolo. Then, he lets go.

"Well, fuck. You really are beyond help. Guess it's good you're ready to sacrifice your family, for they will suffer due to this, one way or the other. And you're okay with that?" Grior doesn't get a verbal answer, but the look in Nikolo's eyes is an answer in itself. The soldier sighs "Fine, I'll help you this one, last time. But no matter what happens, you'll keep Horst and me out of this mess. Deal?"

"Deal"

And Grior tells him. He knows where to find her, and who to go to talk to regarding her. How Nikolo, who was no longer in the military, would arrange a meeting with the right person was his own problem.

"Thanks, Grior" Nikolo says once the man is finished. He considers apologizing for the threats he'd made, but decides against it. He'd meant them, and they both knew it "What are you going to say to Horst?"

"The truth" Grior says, much to Nikolo's surprise and alarm "Don't look at me like that; he won't get in your way, I'll make sure of it. Once I tell him everything, he'll understand it's better not to get involved. We'll shake our heads at your stupidity together, and then forget the whole thing for good."

Nikolo chuckles at that, deciding that Grior knew his brother. If he said the man would keep quiet, then he most likely would.

"Right. I'll be going, then" he turns to leave, yet one last time, Grior calls after him "Yeah?"

"At least use your head enough to have a proper plan before you talk to anyone, got it?"

Nikolo doesn't look at him. As much as he'd like to promise that, he was no Armin Arlert. Plans weren't his thing, and the ones he did make tended to suck.

"I'll try"

And with that, he left to save the love of his life.

A.N: No Sasha today, sorry guys. But I got something else for you! Remember how I talked about considering updating twice a month? Well, I've now decided that I'll try it out for a while, so next chapter will be out on 15th!

Or will it? You guys know it's April 1st, yes? Will I be updating again this month, or am I just messing with you?

Keep your eyes open on the 15th day to know!