Chapter 63

Sasha wakes from her short slumber with a jolt, convinced that she just heard something outside her cell. She sits up, eyes wide and alert as they go over her barely furnished, dimly lit cell, finding nothing out of ordinary. She frowns for a moment before memories of the day that just passed reach her mind. Nikolo. He was in the cell across from hers.

The realization brings Sasha both pain and joy as she scolds herself for being so selfish, for being glad that he was with her in such a horrible place. She sighs in relief, thinking that whatever she'd heard that had woken her up must've been caused by him, and she focuses on the sounds around her to find out if he's awake, or if he had perhaps simply been talking in his sleep.

She expects to pinpoint the sound of his breathing, but something else entirely catches her attention. Footsteps. For a fleeting moment, she thinks he's just walking in his cells, perhaps to the door to see if she's awake as well, before she realizes that the sound was coming from too far away, outside of their cells. From the hallway.

Sasha's up from her bed in a flash, and with a few long steps she's at the door, looking through the bars. She can't see anything in the hallway, but she can still hear the footsteps, and she knows what that means.

"Nikolo… Nikolo, wake up! Someone's coming!"

It takes her a few tries, but she does manage to wake him and Nikolo sits up on his bed, a little disoriented. He takes a moment to remember where he is, but when he does, he wastes no time before heading for the door to see Sasha, cursing as he accidentally kicks the tray he'd left on the floor.

"Should've put that on the desk" he mutters before facing Sasha, taking note of the hair sticking out from her ponytail. Even her bedhead was cute "Morning."

Sasha hushes him and he frowns, but from the widening of his eyes soon after, she can tell the exact moment that he too hears the footsteps. After that, neither of them says anything despite both of them knowing that they might get separated again. Both of them had a lot they wanted to say, but neither could decide what to pick and how to say it in the short period of time, so they simply stared at each other. Nikolo saw the fear and despair on Sasha's face, highlighted by the still red and buffy eyes of hers. Sasha saw the barely held back anger on his face and clear determination in his gaze, though for what cause, she wasn't sure. And she has no time to wonder about it as Captain Frank comes to view. He's alone.

"Oh? You're both awake at this hour? That's surprising, especially considering how much of a racket somebody was said to be making most of last night" he says, giving a pointed look to Nikolo, but the man doesn't get provoked. Sasha doesn't say anything, either, anxiously waiting to hear what the man was doing there at an apparently very late, or early, hour. But him being alone was probably a good thing; at the very least, it was unlikely he'd try to take Nikolo away right now; if that was his intention, he would've known better than to come alone. By now Sasha was pretty sure her friend wouldn't leave if just asked nicely.

But what if he was here for her? She wouldn't put up a fight; she knew it'd do no good, and if she was told to come along quietly, she would. Nikolo wouldn't like it, but as long as the door to his cell was locked, he wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

Glare set on the older man, Nikolo decides to not let him play any games with them and outright asks: "Why are you here?"

"You're in a bad mood, huh?" the captain completely dodges the question, sitting down on the floor with his legs crossed in the middle of the hallway where he can keep an eye on both doors "And you, Ms. Blouse? Would my guess be too far off if I assumed you are as well?"

"…Can't deny it, sir" she says. She wanted to know why he was here, too, but knew he wouldn't tell her unless it was his intention all along, so she decided to not test his patience by asking. Instead, she did her best to conceal her nervousness as she met his gaze head on, both of them completely ignoring Nikolo, who was still glaring at the man.

After what felt like a long time to Sasha, but probably wasn't, the captain turned away from her gaze and looked at Nikolo instead.

"So, did you use to throw stones at Eldian children as a kid just like everyone else?"

"What?" the question caught Nikolo off guard, but once he had properly progressed it, he realized he didn't want to answer it, but also that not doing so would be an answer in itself. And even if he denied it, Sasha probably wouldn't believe it "I did. All the kids in the neighborhood did. Must've been the same in your childhood, wasn't it?"

"Of course, it was. We even had a point system! Hitting limbs brought one point, torso five, and head ten. Made sense since they tended to block with their limbs- "

"Is there a point to this?" Nikolo interrupts, annoyed. If the captain wasn't here for anything in particular, he'd prefer if the man would just leave.

"A point? Hm, I wonder, what did I come here for again? Should I just leave you two alone?"

"Ye- "

"No need, Captain, take your time thinking about it!" Sasha cuts Nikolo off with a glare, confusing the former soldier as he looks at her. The captain chuckles.

"Looks like at least one of you is keeping a level head. I'm a little disappointed in you, Nikolo. One would think you'd know by now whose rules you should be following now." he says "Are you too frustrated to think clearly?"

Bull's eye, Sasha knew. Thankfully, Nikolo was smart enough to not start denying it, settling for continuing to glare daggers at the older man. Not that the captain seems to mind.

"Well, I suppose love does that to people… been there, done that."

Sasha and Nikolo share a look, and the later wonders if the man is drunk. He doesn't seem like it; he didn't stagger or stutter, nor did he smell of alcohol, but the way he spoke so casually… then again, he didn't know this man. Maybe he was chatty by nature, even with prisoners.

"First love especially tends to leave an impact… tell me, you two, are you each other's first loves?" the question catches the pair off guard. Sasha knows Nikolo is her first love, but she's too embarrassed to say it out loud, and yet, as a red hue tinges her cheeks, she concentrates her gaze on her love, wanting to hear if she was also his.

By the time Nikolo recovers from the surprise brought by the question, he notices two pairs of eyes on him. Had Sasha already answered, probably by nodding since he hadn't heard anything, and he missed it? The idea doesn't sit well with him; now that it was brought up, his curiosity had been lit and he wanted to know. But there was nothing he could do about that now, so instead, he decides to answer himself, for Sasha looked like she wanted to know, too.

"Yes. And?" he simply says, avoiding looking at Sasha, glaring at the captain instead.

"Just wanted to confirm it; you two aren't all that young anymore, but you're naïve like a pair of teens with their first crushes. Guess never having your heart broken does that to people."

Nikolo almost lets it slip that he knew what a broken, or almost anyway, heart felt like as the image of Sasha lying unconscious in her hospital bed after getting shot suddenly returns to his mind, but he forces the memory back along with his words. There was no reason in particular to keep it to himself, but there was even less of a reason to talk about it to this man who seemed to have come here just to mock them and their love.

"Does that mean you've had your heart broken, Captain?" Sasha asks, curious, though she's pretty sure he wouldn't bother answering. Yet, he surprises her.

"Her name was Marlene" he says "I'd seen her around the town from time to time for about as long as I could remember, yet I was fourteen by the time I actually learned her name."

Sasha blinks in confusion, but has no time to wonder what the man's thinking for long as he's already continuing.

"It was a rainy day, and the wind was blowing hard. I wouldn't have called it a storm, but the weather was bad enough that no one who absolutely didn't have to be outside wasn't. I wouldn't have been, either, had I not been held up at school for detention. Nothing that bad, I assure you, just a small fight with one of my friends. We did it fairly often, really, though usually, we just got a good scolding. But not on that day, so we ended up leaving the building later than everyone else. He went to the opposite direction, so I was alone. I walked on the riverbank, like I always did, but on hindsight, that was a stupid thing to do. It had been raining for days with barely any breaks, so of course the ground was unstable. It suddenly gave out, and before I knew it, I was in the river." the captain pauses, briefly looking at both Nikolo and Sasha before continuing: "Of course, I knew how to swim, but on that day, the current was strong, very much so. It was a struggle to keep my head above the surface, let alone swim back ashore. I could've died that day, I would've died that day, had it not been for a certain girl passing by with her father, noticing me and pointing me out to him, getting him to come to my rescue."

The captain stops speaking for a moment, again looking at both Nikolo and Sasha. When it takes him a while to continue, Sasha asks: "And that girl was Marlene?"

"Yes, she was. Beautiful girl, with eyes the color of the clearest sky. She'd gotten them from her mother, or so she later told. I never met her though; the woman died at childbirth… but now I'm getting side tracked, aren't I? After her father dragged me out of the river, we took shelter from the rain under a nearby bridge. I was pretty out of it, tired from all the swimming, and wasn't really aware of my surroundings, but I remember those two taking off my jacket and replacing it with Marlene's. It was too big for her, so it fit me with ease despite my sturdier physique. It had gotten wet in the rain, but wasn't soaked through like mine or her father's. After that, he left to get help, leaving me alone with her. She was chatty and asked me a lot of questions, though later I found out it wasn't really in her nature to be so; she was simply trying to make sure I stayed awake. It did pay off; despite how tired I was, I didn't fall asleep. After a while, I honestly don't know how long it took, we started to hear voices, help was coming. I was relieved, but then, something else caught my attention as Marlene started to tuck at the jacket they'd put on me. Or to be more specific, the upper left sleeve of it."

Sasha had been listening intently, buzzled about why he would tell them this, but Nikolo's sudden, sharp intake of breath breaks her gaze from the captain to him. The wide-eyed look he's giving the captain confuses her even more, and she frowns.

"Nikolo? What's wrong?"

"It seems he caught on" Captain Frank says, continuing after Sasha's gaze is back on him "Marlene was an Eldian; when she heard people coming, she hurriedly took back her armband that was still on the jacket."

Sasha feels her jaw drop as her eyes widen.

"I hadn't realized it either until then, but before I could decide if I should do something about it, people, soldiers, were already there, asking me what happened. I told them, and they helped me home. I got a scolding from both the soldiers and my father for being so careless in this weather, but aside from that, there were no consequences for me, so I quickly forgot the whole thing for a while, until I met Marlene again by pure chance. Not that it was that surprising; after seeing her again on my way to school, I realized that I'd seen her often on that route, on her way to her cleaning job. Our eyes met at the time, but neither of us really acknowledged the other's presence. We knew better than that… or at least, she did. Turns out I didn't, for few days later, on my way home from yet another detention- did you just snicker, Ms. Blouse?"

"Sorry" Sasha says, sheepish "It's just… surprising, I think? You don't seem like the type that got in to trouble at school. I would know; I was that type of a person… wait, does that mean I'll be like you when I grow old!?"

Now it's Nikolo who snickers, but the captain is less amused.

"Old? Ms. Blouse, I am only 46 years old" the man points out, offended "And you only need to worry about that if you live long enough to become my age."

That quickly sours the mood as the smiles drop from the pair's faces, and Nikolo glares daggers at the older man once more. But of course, captain Frank ignores it.

"Now where was I? Yes, on my way home from detention. I saw Marlene then, getting picked on by some girls from my class, being pushed around by them and all. I didn't get involved, but I didn't just pass by either like I usually would've done. Instead, I waited for my classmates to leave before walking over to her, helping her pick up the groceries she'd dropped" he lets out a heavy sigh, and to Sasha it sounds about the same as captain Levi when he's all tired of life, thinking that no one's in the hearing range "Biggest mistake of my life."

46 years old, he said. To Sasha, he looks a lot older right now.

"After that, we ended up meeting more and more. At first, we didn't agree on any time or place; I just lingered around the route I was sure she took to get home. Later, we actually planned the meetings, or dare I say, dates. Not that we ever did anything special; we just talked, out of people's sight. Sometimes I brought her gifts, just little things she couldn't get her hands on in the interment zone. I brought her snacks, borrowed her books… it was probably one of those books that made her father realize something was up. Not that he minded; according to Marlene, he'd just been worried we'd get each other in trouble. Told us to be careful. But of course, teenagers as we were, we thought we were smarter than everyone else, that we could sneak around due to gaps in the system. And for a couple of years, we actually did manage it. And we fell for each other… or at least, I fell for her. At the time, I was sure that she fell for me too."

Sasha bites her lip as Captain Frank goes quiet. She knew from the moment the woman was revealed to have been an Eldian that the story wouldn't end well, and now she wonders if it was really okay for her, and for Nikolo, to be listening to this. This was something very private, wasn't it?

Across from her, Nikolo is having darker thoughts, more focused on what hidden meaning telling the story to them has than the story itself. There was no way the captain had told this to many people, so Nikolo was sure that this information could be used against the man, but there was no way the man didn't know it himself. Did he decide to get an old wound off his chest by telling about it to someone he knew he could get rid of soon? Or is the story aimed at Nikolo specifically, trying to get him to regret his choices? …If that was the case, was anything the man was saying even real?

"Who knows, maybe she really did, too, even if I did deny it for years" the captain continues, and Nikolo decides that it's better to listen, just in case "The thing is, eventually, we got caught. My uncle, who was a soldier, found out. I don't know how he did it or how long he'd been suspicious, but eventually, he caught us red-handed at the riverbend. He demanded an explanation, so I gave him one. Young and inexperienced about the world as I was, I told him the truth. Not that I thought he'd accept it; I wasn't that naïve, but still far too much so. I thought that I'd get a good scolding, perhaps a punch in the face if I was unlucky, and dragged home, told to never see her again and such. That's what had happened in some fiction we'd read where the young main characters had relationships their families didn't approve of. But of course, in none of those books were either of the characters Eldian. And that's what made the difference."

He wasn't looking at them anymore. Sasha had noted that the captain's tone had lost its earlier calm, as had the man's entire demeanor as he sat more hunched, his arms tightly crossed at his chest. Briefly, she wondered if she should say something, some words of comfort. Even though she'd despised him so much less than a day earlier, now she couldn't help but feel pity, for she knew enough of Marley's customs to know what Marlene's fate must've been.

"My uncle told me I was a disgrace to not only our family but to all of Marley. Harsh, but at the time I did see his point and didn't argue, especially since I could tell he wasn't finished. When he pulled out a gun, I thought he wanted to shoot Marlene then and there, but instead, he handed the gun to me, telling me to clean my own mess."

A deafening silence follows, and Sasha has to bite her lower lip in order to keep the question of "did you?" coming out of her mouth. She glances at Nikolo, the look on his face telling her that he was already convinced that the captain had indeed done just that.

"With my shaky hands, I did take the gun. It's not like I hadn't held one before; my uncle had taken me to practice a few times, so I knew how to use it. But I couldn't do it, I knew that before I even touched the gun. But I wanted it out of my uncle's hands. I didn't point the gun at Marlene, not even once as she stood there, few steps away, frozen in place, staring at us with her wide eyes.

I told my uncle I wouldn't do it, no matter what. Next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground with pain flaring through my head and the gun out of my hands; he'd hit me, and that single punch had been enough to down me. I was dazed and afraid, so despite seeing my uncle go over to Marlene, I didn't get up. I heard him say to her that I was nothing but a big stain on his family, and that if she helped him clean up the said stain, he'd pretend her crime never happened. I saw him give her a knife, saw the look of disbelief on her face, before she took it with both hands, her wide eyes going back and forth between my uncle and I. Not for a moment did I think she'd do as he said, but I did fear she'd try to attack my uncle in her desperation instead. That was why I had a hard time believing my eyes as she suddenly ran at me, knife held high above her head. I tried to get up, to get away, but right as she reached me and was about to plunk down the knife, a gunshot rang out, and Marlene dropped dead immediately after, blood pouring out of her head, some of it getting on me as she fell right on top of me.

"Let that be a lesson" is what my uncle told me before picking up the other gun, one that he years later confessed to not have even been loaded, and helping me up."

Sasha feels the tears fall down her face, and wonders if she should wipe them away before the captain sees them and gets mad, but she can't bring herself to do it, too shaken by the sad fates of the both of them.

Nikolo can see her crying, but he doesn't feel like doing so. It's not like he didn't feel sorry for her, but first and foremost his mind was filled with disbelief and anger at both Marlene's and the captain's naivety. Of course, his uncle wouldn't have spared her. They both should've known that from the start! And perhaps Marlene did know, but still wished for a small, desperate chance, if not for her own sake, then for her father's, who must've also been-

"Her father was killed too, wasn't he?" he bluntly confirms, trying not to react as he hears Sasha's startled gasp.

"Of course," the captain says, finally looking up. He doesn't look as sorrowful as Sasha would've expected after what he'd just told; he looks more tired than anything "Families of criminal Eldians are always executed, and at the time, it was by sending them to Paradise. Marlene's father's fate was no different, not that I was there to see it."

"…Why are you telling us all this?" Sasha could no longer keep it in, but the captain doesn't look offended. He answers immediately, like he'd been expecting it: "Because I wanted to do Nikolo the same favor my uncle did to me, to knock some sense in to him… but we all saw how that turned out. I thought this was so much like what happened to myself thirty years ago, and that if I set up the right conditions, it would play out in the same way. But I was wrong. To this day, I'm still not sure if any of the love I thought I saw from Marlene was real, but in your case, I can tell that both of you love each other."

But was that a good or a bad thing for them, Nikolo wondered, worried that the captain was jealous of them, and that the jealousy would affect their fate.

"It's stupid, getting in to all this trouble for love, but I won't preach at you two about that one, as I'm sure I wouldn't be the first, and probably not the last, to do so for either of you." he gets up, stretching "Especially since I'm about to do something stupid myself."

"…And what would that be?" Nikolo asks.

"I don't exactly have a permission for it, but I'm sending Ms. Blouse home" he says, surprising both Sasha and Nikolo. Unknown to each other, both of them try not to get too hopeful, considering the possibility of this being just another test. It must've shown on their faces, for the captain raises an eyebrow, asking: "What, you don't believe me?"

"Not without knowing why" Nikolo says, narrowing his eyes "Why would you suddenly take such a risk? What's in it for you?"

"For me? Nothing except trouble, I'm sure. But for the world? Higher chance for peace, perhaps. Or perhaps not, but it's what I'm willing to risk my career for."

Sasha blinks, wondering if Nikolo's as confused as she is. Quick glance at him tells her he doesn't look like it, so maybe she was the only one who didn't get it. Certainly wouldn't be the first time, but it was frustrating nonetheless, and she pouts. And gets caught.

"I take it you're not following, Ms. Blouse?"

Sheepishly, she admits him to be right. Captain Frank snorts.

"To put it simply, I'm trusting that you two will work hard for the peace to remain. Not for the sake of the world, but for the sake of each other; a person one loves is certainly a better motivator than the abstract concepts of peace and of what's right."

"Then why not bring this up to your superiors and not get in trouble?" Sasha asks.

"Because they'd never bet on it" Nikolo answers for the captain, and the approving look he gets for it from the man is enough to tell him that he agreed "Even if he told them about everything that happened, it wouldn't be enough of a reason to lose a potentially valuable prisoner. And the captain knows this too, but his reasons are more personal. Maybe guilt? Or maybe he's wondering what would've happened if he'd- "

"Don't push your luck" captain Frank interrupts him sharply, and Sasha realizes that for the first time tonight, they might've come close to a line that they mustn't cross "I just want to protect and serve my country the best I can is all, and in this case, the best way just happens to be one that isn't approved of."

Sasha isn't sure if she should trust him or not but, she realizes, in her situation, she has nothing to lose. Even if he was lying, all it would lead to would be her getting some false hopes… which she'd already have, for she really wanted this to be true.

"I do have conditions, though"

"Of course, you do" Nikolo says out loud, and it's exactly what went through Sasha's head as well.

Unfazed by the interruption, captain Frank continues: "For one, once she's gone, Ms. Blouse must promise to never set a foot in Marley ever again."

"Deal" Sasha says without hesitation, knowing that Hanji and the others would understand that she couldn't come with them even if they eventually did get to a point where they could visit Marley.

"And the other is that Nikolo will never set a foot on Paradis Island again."

Sasha felt like a cold bucket of water had just been dumbed on her. If she could never go to Marley, and Nikolo couldn't come to Paradis, then-

"Of what use is our love to the peace if we're forced to be kept apart!?" Nikolo snarls, angry about the conditions. The first one, he could accept, gladly even; he'd be more than happy to keep Sasha away from his hateful countrymen, but if he could never join her on Paradis-

"With how strong your love seems, wouldn't you two want to keep each other safe even if you knew you couldn't see each other?" the captain asks, having arguments ready as he'd clearly expected the protest "Furthermore, even as a civilian, you have more influence in Marley than you ever would on the island. If you went there, that'd be one influential person less to work for peace. And what if you being there with her caused Ms. Blouse to withdraw from service due to, say, pregnancy? Then she wouldn't be on active duty, either. And there's also the fact that your love causes you to make impulsive decisions; if you two were together, who knows what idiocy you'd come up with. And if you went back to the island, how would it affect your family? They could think, regardless of anything you say, that you'd been brainwashed and kidnapped by the islanders. With the kind of influence your family has, yes, I've checked, that could very well do more harm for the peace than the good you two could do for it. Now, should I continue, or do the two of you get the point?"

Sasha's face had gotten a tinge of red at the mention of her possible pregnancy, but it had almost faded by now as she thought of the captain's reasoning. He was right, she knew, but… but she didn't want to lose Nikolo for good… but it's not like they could stay together even if they didn't take this deal. And this could be her only chance to go home in a long time, or even ever. And she wanted to go home, she really did. She wanted to hug her parents and talk with Kaya and the others again. She wanted to laugh with and at Jean and Connie. She missed Mikasa, even her scolding. Hers and captain Levi's. She missed commander Hanji's reassuring smiles, she missed everything she'd taken for granted during the last few peaceful years. She wanted it all back.

In the opposite cell, Nikolo was trying to hold in his fury, clenching his teeth. He knew the captain had a point, but it didn't make things any easier for him. For a moment, he thought about rejecting the offer, about trying to find a way to stay in these cells together with Sasha. For a moment, he thought it might be enough for him. And he hated himself for it, for putting his own desire to be with her before what Sasha deserved and wanted.

She didn't want to be here, nor did she deserve it. She deserved and wanted to be at home, with her friends and family. They were both in love with each other, he now knew, but in the end, he was just a by passer in her life, not a permanent part of it, no matter how they both had tried to pretend otherwise.

Nikolo takes a deep breath, wanting to calm down, to not show this ugly side of himself to Sasha any more than he already had. After that, he turns to look at her, seeing her looking at him as well with her lovely eyes, now so full of sorrow. He understood why the emotion was there, and he hated being the cause of it. But even so, there was only one correct choice, and as they stared in to each other's eyes, they both realized that the other understood it as well.

"You have a deal."

A.N: So, Sasha's finally going home… or is she? Will I make her suffer some more? Make sure to read the future chapters too if you wanna know!