Hi everyone, sorry this chapter took a little longer than usual, I struggled a bit with writer's block and also I have worked a lot of 9-10 hr days these past few weeks and its catching up with me. I had only ever intended this on being like a 5 chapter (at best) story, but since its longer, the updates might take a couple more days than 7, so, apologies and thank you for your patience. Thanks for everyone who left me messages on my last chapter and special shout out to the non-English speaking readers who use a translator! You are AMAZING :) Here's the new chapter. I edited most of it after midnight and I'm exhausted so sorry if theres a lot of stupid errors. Have a great week...


Trevor didn't arrive back to the house until almost five in the afternoon. Olivia couldn't help feeling a little miffed that he'd disappeared and only briefly replied to her texts. Noah was upset, Trevor had promised to take him to see the piglets and since waking up cranky from his long nap, he was starting to drive her insane.

"Noah," she warned, "enough. Trevor will be back when he's back, he obviously had something more important to do and so there's always tomorrow, okay?"

He began to cry and Olivia felt annoyed that Trevor had just disappeared and broken a promise to her son. She felt bad for becoming frustrated with Noah when it wasn't exactly his fault. "Come here babe, it's okay, I know you feel upset."

Olivia heard the door open as she comforted him. He was crying loudly, burying his face in to her shoulder. Trevor looked up to see them both on the couch. "Hey… what's wrong?," he asked with an air of casualness about him.

"Nothing is wrong, Trevor, everything is great. Noah is an inch from having a full blown melt down because you made a promise to him and then you disappeared for hours," she told him tersely.

She saw his expression soften. He put his hat up on the hat stand and made his way to the couch, sitting on the edge beside the two of them. He had to think for a moment, remembering what he had promised and it dawned on him — the piglets. Feeding them and playing with them was absolutely Noah's favourite thing to do. "Bubba, I'm so sorry, I forgot," he said gently. "We can go and see Maple and the other babies for a short visit now if you'd like."

Despite her frustration, Olivia could see that he had genuinely forgotten and he was doing his best to try to fix it. "Do you want to do that?," she asked, rubbing his back. He nodded despite his crying.

"Come on…" he held his hands out. Noah turned to Trevor and held out his arms. Trevor hugged him for a moment. "I'm sorry I forgot, I didn't mean to break a promise, bubba."

He got up and headed back out the front door.

Olivia was suddenly angered by his lack of recognition for anything she'd said. "Uhhh, no thanks Trevor, I won't come, I'll just sit here and wait for you both to get back so you can continue acting weird."

He looked back at her, "why would you need an invite?," he asked.

"Don't be a dick," she snapped. "I'm going upstairs. Let me know when you are back so I can bathe and feed my kid."

/

Olivia went back and forth playing a stupid scrabble game with Carisi that he was, in truth, terrible at. Good job, once again you screwed up the board with your short, pathetic words… she typed to him.

Carisi was used to her blunt jabs, she was ruthless when it came to playing games against her. She hated to lose and he loved to stir her up, purposely choosing the worst words at times just to frustrate her and make it harder for her.

She heard Noah pounding up the stairs. He found his Mom sitting on the edge of the bed in her pajamas. "Mommy you got in your pajamas before me!," he remarked.

"I know, Mommy is tired, babe. Did you see the piggies?"

He nodded with a smile. "Okay well, I think you can go and wash your hands in the bathroom please and then we'll go downstairs and make something quick for your dinner and then its bath time."

She got up and followed him to the bathroom. "Where's Trev?." She asked.

"Daddy is downstairs cleaning his boots because he stepped on mud," Noah explained.

Together they headed downstairs. Olivia gave him some time to play on the carpet with his toys and bypassed Trevor to the kitchen.

She received another text message. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath as she opened it up. "Hi Liv, haven't heard from you. I spoke to Fin, no one else has heard from you either. Are you okay?"

She drew in a deep breath and replied. "I am fine. Stop texting me while I'm on vacation. I don't want to hear from you. I am with my partner and my son. Also, stop asking Fin about me, you have no right to do that and just because I'm not checking in with him doesn't mean I haven't spoken to anyone. Contact me at work. During work hours or via email. To discuss work things only. There's nothing to discuss."

Trevor walked in to the kitchen to find her texting away furiously. "Hey…" he greeted her, full well knowing she was texting Elliot.

She jumped a mile. "Don't sneak up on me like that," she replied, emotionless.

"Sorry," he replied.

"So what's your problem? Why are you suddenly acting like a stranger?," she asked, helping herself to the loaf of bread.

"I don't know Liv, maybe I'm a little upset," he decided to be straight with her, "you were asleep, I came down here to grab my phone and head to see Joey for a short while and leave you guys to sleep and I see a text from Elliot fucking Stabler… talking about how he was at your apartment last night."

Olivia's mouth fell open. She stared at him for a moment. "Did you seriously go through my phone?"

"No!, of course not!," he exclaimed, frowning at her, "the message popped up, I saw the part where he was apologising for turning up so late… so when were you gonna tell me?"

"I didn't need to tell you, Trevor, fuck, why would you not just ask me about it? Why would you immediately assume the worst!?," she felt attacked and upset that he would automatically assume that she was cheating on him. "What do you think we did? Do you think I invited him in? Got cosy with him and had sex with him on the couch? Fuck…"

Trevor glanced in to the family room to see Noah still playing with his toys, not wanting him to overhear. "No," he said quietly, "no, I didn't think that… I was just upset you didn't even mention it."

"Because why does it matter? The truth is, he turned up to a job I went to with Fin. I was a little thrown but I felt nothing. I was surprised to see him, but … it clearly it wasn't the epic event everyone thinks it was going to be."

"You felt nothing? Olivia, I know you better than that," he countered.

She rose an eyebrow at him, sucking her head back in surprise, "Really, Trevor? Clearly you don't know me better than that because I don't care. I don't care that he's back. Maybe 5 or 6 years ago, I might have cared, but I'm not in that same place. I have a kid, I have a guy that I love who has shown me that what I thought love was,\

wasn't actually a thing."

He felt his body relax a little. "Then why do I feel so shit about it?!," he asked, exasperated.

She realised that perhaps he needed some re-assuring and since he was always so quick to comfort her, she needed to calm her anger with him, and offer some assurances to him.

"Because maybe you feel insecure and that's totally fine, Trevor, I am happy to show you my messages with him. I am happy to tell you exactly what happened but I am not here for you to just get mad at me, for you to act like a jerk and make me try to figure out what I did to deserve it."

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I might have had a little melt down of my own."

"Just talk to me, that's what you'd want me to to do if the situation was reversed, right?"

He nodded. "Sorry, Liv…"

"I don't want you to feel insecure, you're the one I choose. I mooned over Elliot all those years ago because it was safer than finding someone who would leave me… and what do you know? He left me too… and I was hurt, I was heart-broken, but the time apart made me realise that he wasn't in to me, he had a wife and a family and I was his workmate, nothing else. And it took some time, but I got over it and now I just don't care," she explained. "Is it nice to see him? Sure, it's nice to see that he's doing well and there's that familiarity but also at the same time he's a stranger…"

"And what? He just turned up at your apartment?"

"Yep. Unannounced. I just woke up to him bashing on my door. Fin gave him my address which I'm angry about. I guess Elliot doesn't really believe that I'm totally fine about things. He wants there to be tears and apologies and forgiveness and I just don't care. There's nothing to forgive and so now he thinks I just got mad cos he turned up, which I am, but that's not why he's not getting a reaction, I just don't have one for him — not the reaction that he wanted at least."

"Are you sure?," he asked, "like, are you sure you're just not pushing it down? Or avoiding your feelings?"

Olivia tried her best not to react, to be patient, to understand that for all the reasons that she knew better than anyone, he had a right to question her. Just over half a decade ago, she may have folded the second he walked in the door, but since he left she'd grieved him, she got over him and she'd been furious - now she was slightly miffed that he thought he still had any power over her; that he was in any type of position to make her want to break apart at the seams to see him.

She just didn't. She felt indifferent and it was genuine.

"Honey, what can I say or do to assure you that Elliot is entirely out of the picture? That you're the one, you're the only one I want."

He thought about it for a second and shrugged. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course…" she nodded.

He took a step closer and rested his hands on her waist and looked down at her, "My ex girlfriend, Christina… when we met her daughter Amy was almost 3. Amy's Dad was still an active parent, a really nice guy, everything was amicable…. But Christina really wouldn't let me be involved almost at all unless it suited her and I guess that should have been all the signs I needed but … I desperately wanted to be a part of Amy's life… and it eventually became an issue…"

Olivia listened, looking up at her man, sensing his sadness about what had gone on. "I think I eventually told Christina I was ready, I wanted to be an active role in Amy's life because we couldn't go on compartmentalising things and I had to really convince her I would be a good step-dad. She agreed, but then came to me a week or two later right before we were supposed to take Amy away with us for a long weekend and she told me that she had something to get off her chest - she had cheated with Amy's Dad a few times, and blah blah she never meant for it to happen and she wanted me to forgive her…"

"Oh, Trev—" she murmured. "I'm sorry you got cheated on."

"I don't actually think it was ever truly over between them, I think that's why she kept Amy away, because she was never quite sure, but as a result, she wasted my time — and her own…"

"And you're worried that Elliot coming back might be history repeated…" she preempted his feelings.

"Kind of…"

"Baby, first thing first, I would never be so cruel as to lead you on for no reason. I wouldn't do that to Noah either. I love you so much. I love what we have. I love everything that you do for us and even though I freaked out earlier, there's nothing I wouldn't do to make our relationship work."

He nodded slowly.

"And I would never ever cheat on you. I know how that feels and I just—" she shrugged, "I wouldn't do it to you. I love and respect you too much. Elliot is nothing, he's a guy from my past that I had a crush on; an infatuation, because he represented safety and someone who wouldn't hurt me — and yet he did and when I realised that regardless of how much I thought he loved me, he really didn't hold me in the same esteem, I moved forward and got over it…"

"Okay," Trevor nodded. "But it's okay that you have some type of feelings now that he's back."

"Thank you, but I don't. I didn't mention it to you because I forgot. I was irate and annoyed because I was trying to get back to you. He left and my chief called to talk to me about the Grand jury and I forgot. I called you guys to say goodnight and slept through, if it was important, Trev, I swear, I would have mentioned it to you the second that we settled back in, but it just wasn't. My priority was you and enjoying you."

"Okay," he repeated, softening a little. "I just get scared because… I love you so much and I really…" he looked down, avoiding her eyes, "you made me a Dad and I desperately don't want you to take that from me, I love Noah and I am floored by how fast we've connected. I guess I just have a lot to lose."

"We're okay, Trev," she told him, taking his hands, "we're okay. I'm not taking anything away from you, you couldn't make me. You're the best guy I've ever met— the absolute nicest and kindest and by far the best in bed," she smiled, raising an arm to lift his chin, wanting him to look her in the eye.

He smiled too. "Really?"

"Really," she nodded.

"And I love how you let me be myself, you let me hang out with Jen, you let me go to work - you never make it harder than it has to be. You never make me feel bad about anything, you're so wonderful and I feel genuinely like you might actually be my soul mate and Olivia Benson doesn't usually believe in that shit."

He chuckled. He kissed her lips lingeringly. "Sorry, I was a dick," he apologised. "I just panicked. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I won't ever do that again, I'll talk to you first."

"Good."

"Thanks for making me feel safe too… and for assuring me."

"Of course, anytime, sweetheart." He kissed her lingeringly again.

"Let me make it up to you, you sit down at the table, I'll make Noah something for dinner and then I'll make us something while you bathe him if you like."

Olivia smiled, "Okay, thanks… I was just going to make him a toasted sandwich."

"Nah, its okay, we went through a taste test of different roast vegetables last night and he really liked sweet potato and green beans and corn, so I'll make him some vegetables and rice…"

"He ate sweet potato and green beans?," she laughed in disbelief. "I couldn't even get him to try sweet potato and green beans he usually eats around them."

Trevor grinned at her triumphantly. "Well what a win for Dad, huh?"

She chuckled, pressing herself against him as he held her close, towering over her, looking down in to her beautiful face, looking rather pleased with himself. "Stick with me, Mom, I'll show you how it's done," he told her smugly.

"Get outta here…" she shoved him playfully, "you probably bribed him."

"I did not!" He called out to Noah to prove a point. A few seconds later, Noah appeared in the kitchen. Trevor swept him up and balanced him on his hip. "Hey bubba, tell Mommy what we did with these," he opened up the refrigerator and pulled out a bowl of raw, green beans that had been cleaned and had the ends cut off.

"We put them on there," Noah pointed to the pan on the oven, "and we put magic dust on them so they tasted yummy and then we put it with the crazy potatoes annnnnnd," he looked at Olivia trying to remember, "we had some fishies."

"Crumbed whiting," Trevor supplied. "And it was good right?"

Noah nodded. Trevor handed him a raw bean and took one himself. Together they both took a bite.

Olivia made a face, she didn't particularly like green beans. "We don't like them when they're not crunchy, do we?" Trevor questioned the toddler.

Noah nodded and chewed like it was a cookie.

"We're going to have the beans and the crazy potatoes again tonight,"

"What are crazy potatoes?!" Olivia dared to ask.

"They're potatoes but in a funny colour, Mommy!" Noah explained.

"Ohhhh," she smiled, "right, okay."

"And we can cut them in cubes or we can make them in to wedges and they taste so good with a yummy ranch sauce too," Trevor told her, "but just a little bit."

Noah nodded as if he was in agreement. Trevor set him down, "Thanks bubba, you can go back and play with your toys if you like, I'm going to cook dinner."

"Mommy will you play with the blocks with me?"

"Sure, honey, I'll be right in…" She turned to Trevor, "you're a real DILF, you know that?"

He laughed, "Thanks, I think…"

"You and me, we have a date to get a baby in me later…" she told him, giving him a wink and laughed in spite of herself.

"With pleasure," he laughed too, watching her leave him in the kitchen in her pajama pants and white tank which he noticed she was now comfortable enough to wear without a bra in front of him. He had zero complaints about that."

/

"Can I tell you a secret— I don't know that I'm supposed to," Olivia told Jen as they walked slowly toward the barn.

"Is it the kind of secret I'm not allowed to tell Joey?" Jen asked, "because that's pretty much the only person I have to share anything with, I'm happy to keep it just between us," she flashed Olivia a grin.

"Yeah… I mean, maybe Trevor mentioned something to him, but I don't know if I'm supposed to say anything…"

"Okay between you and I, no one else." Jen promised. Jen reached for the barn door and opened it.

"Trevor and I are actively trying to have a baby," Olivia blurted out.

Jen's mouth fell open and her hand slid off the barn door. She turned around to face Olivia.

"Oh wow, saying that out loud sounded so fucking stupid, why did I say that," she said quickly, feeling so self-conscious. "It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? For the amount of time we have been together — it sounds like we're rushing things-" she quickly rambled, feeling incredibly daft.

"Shut up, Liv!" Jen snapped at her good-naturedly, taking her shoulders, "are you absolutely serious?"

She nodded slowly, "but after saying it out loud I'm starting to rethink…"

"Don't you dare. You have my 100 percent support. I can even stand outside the door and give pointers if you like!" Jen laughed out loud, causing Olivia to burst out laughing too. She loved her crazy, inappropriate friend. Jen made her instantly feel at ease, unoffended and unperturbed by her forwardness and sometimes bluntness.

"I don't think we need any cheering on…"

Jen laughed again, "but seriously!? How did that come up? How did you guys decide!?"

"Well… if I'm honest, Trevor told me you were pregnant when I got back the other day and… I was happy for you guys, but I was tired and emotional and there was that part of me that just wished, you know? Sorry, I feel bad saying that."

Jen grabbed her arm and hugged it to her chest, "I know exactly how that feels, Liv, don't apologise. It took me awhile to get pregnant with Oliver and I remembered how it felt when I'd hear or see someone else get pregnant. I was happy but I also wanted it so much for me too," she told her.

Olivia nodded, "Yeah… I've felt like that a lot over the past few years but I try to just be so grateful that I have Noah, but I wanted a big family."

They walked in to the stalls, "I think given the nature of both of our upbringings, we crave lots of people around us, it makes us feel safe."

"Yeah, I think you're right about that," Liv replied. She stopped in front of Rusty's stall. "Which horse am I riding?"

"Dolly," Jen joked.

Olivia slapped her arm. "No, really… I'm kind of nervous."

"No, we'll take Rusty, Trevor said you rode him before and he loved you, so let's not spoil a good thing. I'll take Rosa…" she nodded at the end of the stall. "Let me go get her and I'll help you out with Rusty."

"Okay," Liv agreed.

"But this conversation is not over," Jen told her.

/

Olivia felt comfortable on her horse; comfortable and at ease and enjoying the slight breeze blowing through her hair as she and Jen rode slowly side-by-side. "Do you ever just go for a ride on your own?," she asked her.

"Not really, not like, a good, solid hour or so ride. It's too dangerous. If I was to have a fall or something, there's no way of letting anyone know and I can't really take Joey because then we have to take the kids - the only way is when Trevor is here, he might take the kids for a few hours while Joey and I take off for awhile and enjoy some time alone."

"So this is nice then, getting to hang out, relaxing and chatting and exploring the property," Olivia remarked, adjusting Trevor's ten gallon hat. This time she made sure she was fully covered up in her light, white and blue plaid shirt.

"Thanks for coming with me, Liv, I agree, it's nice to get out and this is so relaxing. We'll go as far as the property ends and then there's a riding track a little further on, but just before we leave the property, there's a spot that Joey and I sometimes stop to eat something, it's peaceful and it's by a little river."

"Snakes?" Olivia asked, always looking out for them in the long grass.

"Nah, Joe mowed a lot of it down around the water areas. We have to be careful with the kids."

"So tell me… what's the plan? Do you guys have a plan?" Jen changed the subject as the horses slowly walked along on a mostly aimless wander. "You and Trev?"

"In what sense? Do I need a plan? Don't we just keep doing it until I miss my period and do a test and huzzah!?" Olivia asked with a laugh.

"Silly," Jen rolled her eyes and laughed, "that's the easy and fun part… I mean like, after you guys get pregnant, do you think you'll stay in the city long term — or will you live half here and half there."

Olivia thought a little before responding, "I don't know, truthfully. Trevor said something the other day that made me really think and I know him, he is the ultimate supportive gentleman, he wants me to flourish and do whatever I want to, he pointed out something I'd never considered and that is, I've fought so hard to pursue more and more and more career-wise because personally everything felt like a write-off except Noah," she explained, "but… now everything has shifted, everything that I thought my future spelled out is suddenly changing."

"Right… like having a man who wants to have a baby with you and marry you and be a Daddy to Noah,"

"Right," Olivia smiled. "Like, why am I pushing for more, work wise? When Noah is an adult, I never want him to look back and think, 'My Mom was always there for other people but never when I wanted her to be there,'"

Jen didn't say anything, she let Olivia talk.

"Why do I always want more? Why can't this be enough. I could be the chief or even the police super intendant and still it wouldn't be enough — when is enough just that?," she asked rhetorically, "and why do I have to be the one to do it? Why is that so important to me?"

"Is that even what you want?," Jen pushed gently.

"I mean…" Olivia sighed, "I thought it was…" she glanced at her friend, "I'm scared that maybe I'm just giving up? Why can't I have both?"

"You can, Trevor will support you no matter what, honey, but you should only be pursuing it if it's what you truly want, not because you think it's what people expect or want of you," Jen told her meaningfully. "But if you want to be at home more, then start planning for that now."

"I just don't know… I feel like if I don't just let go, it will be far too hard for Trevor and I to make this work and I don't want to be without him. And it's just things like- I don't want Noah to have a part time Dad, and I don't want Trevor to put his goals on hold and I know he would," she sighed. "I got so worked up the other day and I just… I don't know. I want Trevor to be with us full time, but I know his heart is here."

Jen listened while they rode along. She could sense Olivia's vulnerability, her sadness that obviously still lurked within her if she was truly honest.

"Honey, can I ask you to do something for me?," Jen cut in.

Olivia glanced at her and nodded.

"Take Trevor out of the equation. Take Noah out of the equation, take opinions, what work expects, what you think everyone expects - take them out of it… what do you want. Do you want to be in the city forever, or are you open to it? Do you want to be a full time working Mom? Or do you want to be home more?"

She gave a sigh and shrugged, shaking her head. "I don't know, Jenna…"

"I think you know," Jen said gently, "but maybe it's hard to admit out loud."

"After what happened at work this week…" her voice trailed off, "I kind of think I need to give me a chance to be happy, to put my kid or kid's first— to put my potential husband first."

"And you know, honey, he will always put you first too."

She nodded. She felt her eyes fill up with tears, feeling relieved to admit it out loud. "Its so hard," she let out a little sob. She tried again, "its just so hard to let go of something I've had in my head — I don't even know if it's what I wanted, it was just natural progression."

Jen reached out her hand. Olivia sniffed and took it. "Thanks Jenna…" she murmured.

Trevor's sister-in-law smiled at her. "I love you, Liv. I haven't known you long but I have the biggest heart for you, I am always always here for you to bounce things off and it will never ever go back to Trevor, I promise. So I just want to say its okay. It's okay if you want to give up work for a man and your children but its okay if you don't want to compromise on the things you feel like you've worked too hard for."

"Thanks for saying that," Liv murmured. "I don't even know why I'm crying…"

"Becauuuuuseeeeee you are gonna get a baby in you and it's a big deal for your life."

"I think I want to just get pregnant and have a baby and see how I feel once I'm pregnant, I feel like things will come to me, perspective will come, you know?"

"Which is totally fine, Liv, figure it out as you both go… but its so exciting. Imagine if we both have kids around a similar age."

Olivia smiled, "Can I tell you I would be so happy to have another baby boy but I would love to have a baby girl."

Jen grinned at her, "I understand that feeling, but I don't actually mind this time around. I hope that if I have a boy, you have a boy or if I have a girl, you have a girl…" she told her, "for purely selfish reasons."

Liv laughed, "And Jenna, I'm really scared I might not get pregnant…"

"I mean, it's a reasonable fear, but you don't have any reason to believe you can't, right? If you're really worried, I could give you the number to my OB for a check up just to make sure…"

"No, I guess I haven't ever really tried for a baby, so we'll just see. If it goes on for awhile and I don't get pregnant, Trevor told me that we'll reevaluate and start looking for help or maybe if we have to adopt or something…"

Jen smiled. "So you do have a plan then, I think that's nice."

"Thanks Jenna, thanks for your support. I appreciate you so much. I feel like I can tell you anything. Thank you for being that open, I don't think I can talk to anyone else like this…. Except Trevor."

"Of course, Liv… I'm here for you, anytime."

/

Olivia laughed happily as Jen taught her how to get the horse to a trot, how to move with him so that she didn't bob around, or wobble her way right off the saddle, keeping balanced and understanding how the horse moved.

"Feels good, huh?" Jen asked her as they slowed back down to a walk.

"It's great," Liv agreed, "can we go a little faster?"

"Sure. Rusty will probably just follow lead. If you need to slow, yell out, it can be actually be pretty tiring if you're not used to it, so just let me know."

"Okay," Olivia waited for Jen to lead and dug her heels in a little gentler until Rusty began to trot, breaking in to a slow canter. They galloped most of the way back to the house, slowing only when Olivia started to feel her muscles hurting. It was a far better work out than she ever thought it could be.

"I could really get used to you being on the farm," Jen smiled at her. "No pressure," she laughed. "We'd probably have to draw up some boundaries so nobody gets in anybody's business."

Olivia shrugged, "but there's something nice about the community and family thing, but I get it… I'm a city girl though, you have zero chance of me ever popping in unannounced. I'd always text first."

"Liar! You came over the other day when you arrived back without texting, guess the country girl in you is screaming to get out…" she winked.

They arrived back at the barn and Olivia climbed off Rusty and gave him a good pat. They put the horses in their stalls. It was getting late in the afternoon. They walked back to Jen's place where Trevor, Joe and the kids were, out in front of a huge bon fire that Joey had started to burn off some useless paper rubbish and timbers.

Trevor was helping the kids organise s'mores for after dinner.

"How'd you guys go?" Joey asked.

"Great!" Liv exclaimed, "it was so much fun."

"Yeah, really nice," Jen agreed, "Liv learned how to canter and trot with Rusty, he loved it! We all did."

"Oooh cowboy baby!" Trevor remarked, glancing at Olivia who was a little sweaty from her ride.

"My muscles are going to hurt in the morning," she remarked.

"Why don't you go jump in the jacuzzi, the kids are far too busy here to kill that buzz right now," Joe suggested.

"I'll be okay, thanks." Liv smiled.

Trevor finished helping the twins put their s'mores together and put them aside with the two that the boys had made. "Okay babies, we can't eat these right now, alright? We don't want to spoil dinner, so we're going to eat them for dessert."

Jaz looked a little saddened by their uncle's words. "But I could just have a taste?," she bargained with him with hope in her eyes.

Jamie backed up her sister, "I just want to try a bit, Uncle Trev," she pitched in.

"You rookies," Jen rolled her eyes, "you don't let them prepare the dessert before dessert is near," she laughed, "Girls, you have to wait, Uncle Trev said so, so you better eat up all of your dinner so that you actually get to eat those s'mores."

"We needed to give them something to do," Joey interjected, "the boys were fine, the girls didn't understand the concept quite as well."

Trevor stood up from where he was leaned over helping the girl's out.

He came to Olivia's side and wrapped his arms around her. Olivia smiled at him. "Sorry, I'm stinky and sweaty."

"Why don't you go and have a shower or a relax?"

"No," she shook her head, "I can't keep leaving you with Noah," she smiled, "it's not fair, you pamper me too much."

"No," he repeated, "we're gonna come back to the house for a few hours before dinner to get a salad ready and give the kids some time to calm down."

"Yeah, it's bath time for two little girls, are you guys eating with us?" Joey asked, "or do you just wanna do dessert?"

Trevor glanced at Olivia, "Wanna do BBQ or do you want something else?," he asked.

She shrugged, "I don't mind."

"Come on, come eat with us, we have a lot of food and I just made a pie today," Jen offered.

"Can't say no to that…" Olivia shrugged, "but yeah, let's go back home for awhile and I'll get changed. Come on Noah, we're gonna say goodbye for awhile and come back for dinner."

"I don't want toooo," he complained, looking up from his game with Oliver.

"Noah, come on, Auntie Jen and Uncle Joey are going inside with the girls and Olly now too," she told him.

Olly looked up, alarmed. "No!," he whined at his Mom, "Noah and I are playing a gaaaame," he complained, "the girls are being babies not us," he pouted. Olivia had to purse her lips together hard not to laugh at his little green eyes furrowed beneath his brows, glaring at his mother.

"I mean, Noah is welcome to stay and hang out with the other kids until dinner," Jen suggested. Olivia stared at Noah long and hard.

"Its not really fair," Olivia told her, "you shouldn't have to take care of my kid."

"Actually, he's keeping my kid entertained and he's not annoying his sisters so that's a bit of a win, truthfully," Jen replied, "but it's your choice." She spoke quietly so as not to let the boys hear her. "And you guys have to have some privacy, you have a baby to make," she nudged Olivia.

Olivia laughed and gave her a gentle shove back which was not lost on Trevor and Joe.

"Okay, okay," she agreed, "Noah, you can stay here and play with Olly, but if Auntie Jenna or Uncle Joey tells you to do something, you do it, and if they tell me you are misbehaving, I will be coming straight back to get you, do you hear me?"

"Okay Mommy!," he nodded, excited.

"I'll give them a bath," Jen told Liv, "he can have a pair of Olly's pajamas, it'll be exciting for them," she laughed.

"Are you sure, Jen? You should be the one resting…"

"I'm good now, mornings? Not so much, the rest of the day, I'm fine. Go and hang out, make a baby, whatever…"

"I'm sorry?" Joey did a double take, "what did you just say?"

"Nothing, she said nothing, come on Liv, let's go…" Trevor said quickly with a smirk. He glanced at Olivia and shook his head with a little laugh. "I can't believe you!," he hissed playfully.

She tried hard not to laugh leaving a quizzical expression on Joe's face. "Alriiiight, that's our queue to go!," she announced, "Noah, come give Mommy a kiss," she commanded.

Noah reluctantly left the toy truck where it was and came over to his Mom. She kissed his cheek. Trevor went to reach out for him, but he was already headed back to Olly.

"Burn!" Jen teased him. "You got left behind by a four year old," she laughed.

Trevor just laughed and took Liv's hand, "come on, give us a text if you need us to come get him," he told them.

/

"Okay, I have an idea," Trevor told Olivia when they closed the door behind them.

"What is it?," she wanted to know with a little smile, hanging up the hat. "Let's go get in to the tub in my bathroom with a couple of beers and relax together…"

"Yeah, that sounds so good," Olivia grinned at him, "my thigh muscles hurt from the horse."

"They'll do that… especially if the horse was trotting or running and you're not used to it, there's that way you have to gallop with him, your legs will be aching tomorrow."

"Great," Liv remarked sardonically.

Trevor smiled. "You go turn the water on and I'll grab some beers… or do you want something else?"

Olivia thought about it for a second, "Can I have a vodka and some soda and fruit?"

Trevor's smile developed in to a broad grin, "of course, whatever my woman wants, my woman will get," he paused to kiss her. He released her as she thanked him and headed upstairs.

Olivia turned the faucet on and found her phone. There was already a text from Jenna. She smiled, hoping that Noah hadn't had a melt down. "Sorry that Joey almost heard my stupid joke about having a baby, I didn't mean to have such a big mouth."

Liv replied, not wanting her to feel bad, "Don't worry, love, I don't mind. Trevor probably told him anyway, lol. Xo"

She filled the tub and dressed down to her underwear, conscious of how dirty her jeans were. She made a mental note to put them in the wash after they got out of the tub. She turned the jets on and dropped in some muscle-relaxing bath salts that she had bought for herself and Trevor.

Trevor appeared as the tub was almost full with a drink for her that looked amazing. "How good does this look?," he wanted to know.

"Oh wow!," she exclaimed, "what is it?"

"It's my twist on a Long Island Iced Tea," he told her, "there's a lot of alcohol in there so uh… drink slow." She took the highball glass and smelled it, "yikes!" She chuckled. "I'm gonna get so drunk…"

He smiled, "it's okay, I'll take care of you… I won't let you get hang over drunk, but you'll certainly feel relaxed."

She set the drink down on the small table beside the bath and took Trevor's whisky that he had obviously changed his mind to get. He disrobed down and got in to the bath first, an unspoken rule — it was easier to get in after him, he was still a little too tall for the tub, but they made do.

"When we move in here for real, can we get a super big tub that you can actually fit comfortably in?," she asked.

Trevor tried not to smile at her words — when they lived at the farm full time, at least that's what he gleaned from it.

He sank down in to the water and sighed with relief as Olivia removed her bra and her underpants and climbed in after him. He reached his hands out to help her in. "Should I sit opposite or with you?," she asked.

"Sit up here with me…" he smiled, wanting her in his arms. She settled down in to his lap, getting comfortable, feeling the relief hit her legs as the water engulfed her.

"Oh, that's nice…" she murmured. She felt Trevor's arm circling around her, his hand resting upon her hip. He buried his lips in the back of her neck. "Glad it feels better on you…"

"You feel good on me too," she smiled.

They both chuckled. "I'm so glad to have you back from the city… how's it been, do you think?"

Olivia shifted a little so that she was facing him and gave him a smile, "I love it here… and if I can be honest with you, I actually told Jenna our plan to try for a baby, I needed to talk to someone about it and … I don't really have anyone besides you that I can try to-"

"Hey honey," he said gently, "its okay that you spoke to her about it, you don't have to apologise."

"I mean—" she paused, twisting around until she was sitting on his legs, straddling him. He sat forward a little giving her space to wrap herself around him comfortably. "I hope you know that I know I can talk to you but sometimes it's different having another woman to talk to—"

"I know," he nodded with understanding "and I am actually just so happy that you found that in Jen… you guys have just connected instantly."

"She's my female soulmate," Olivia joked, "no but… she's such a good friend and I've always felt like the maternal person in all my friendships, like the one who has to be the bossy, authoritative person who babies everyone because that's what they seek in me…" she explained.

"I can understand that," Trevor replied, "but not in Jen?"

"No," she shook her head, "if anything, I feel like the kid," she laughed, "she's just a wonderful human and such a good Mom, I could learn so much from her…"

"You're also a wonderful Mom," Trevor reminded her. He absently cupped water in his hands, pouring it over her bare shoulders. "And if we have another baby, you're gonna be a wonderful Mom to him or her too."

"Thanks Trev," she glanced at him, enjoying the softness that he always showed to her. "Jenna helped put things in to perspective about work and everything, we had a similar conversation to what you and I had…"

"What did Jen have to say?," he paused and laughed, "I think it's so sweet that you call her Jenna… Joey and I were laughing about it earlier because Jen loves it."

"Oh, is it dumb that I call her that? When we went out last weekend, she told me her full name before she married and I love the name Jenna, so I wanted to call her that - but I hope it doesn't make her uncomfortable."

"No, she loves it. Your friendship is really special to her, Liv, you make everyone feel special…"

She smiled at him and lifted her hands to take his face in them. "Jen said something similar to you about work — about whether or not I'm doing what I'm doing, climbing the ranks because it's the done thing or because it's what I truly want and really, it's really thrown me because I've never considered that it could be just the motions, but now the I'm not actually sure."

She felt his arms circling around her, "I didn't mean to make you re-think everything. I want whatever you want…"

"I just think I want family. I think it's so wonderful here and now that I'm here the idea of going back to the city makes me want to have a tantrum that even Noah would be impressed by,"

He chuckled.

"But… I don't want to make any irrational decisions, so I think we'll focus on getting pregnant and if and when that happens I'll figure out what I want to do with work as long as you're okay that potentially I might want to stay in Manhattan for the foreseeable future."

He nodded, "I think we can work it out."

"I just don't want you to ever resent me," she murmured, "you know, by me choosing work over living here for while until I'm ready…"

"I won't," he smiled, "promise. If I didn't think this would work, I would have never bothered starting a relationship with you."

She leaned forward and kissed his lips. "And I guess I get worried about putting a pause on your plans…"

"Want to pass me my phone?," he nodded toward the table that both had put their phones on in case Jen needed them to come get Noah. She slid forward and grabbed his phone, wondering why he wanted to look at it while they were in the middle of a discussion. She gently pulled the table closer so it was at the same end they were sitting at. She passed him his phone as she picked up her drink, taking a sip from the straw.

It was a fruity tasting punch, the punch being the alcohol hitting her hard. "Wow," she remarked with a laugh, taking another sip for good measure, "this is good — strong but good."

"Excellent," Trevor chuckled. "I hoped it wouldn't be too strong."

He wiped his hand on a dry cloth and opened up his phone and showed handed it to Olivia. "My dreams and plans aren't going to get deferred, love, I am just going to get more creative with Jen… we filmed this when you went back to the city for a few days…."

Olivia took the phone and checked what she was looking at. It was an Instagram account for LanganFamilyFarm. She smiled as she hit play. Her man was in the main frame at Jen's kitchen island with a few empty bowls and ingredients. The video was titled; How to make a sour dough starter.

He was surrounded by a bunch of empty jars without lids. With the sun on him from Jen's kitchen window, he looked like a sight. He was wearing a casual white t-shirt, his longish wavy hair was combed back and in place and his beard was on the good side of long. He looked shower fresh and his pretty eyes shone through as he engaged the camera.

"Wow," Olivia remarked, "I don't even care about how to make sour dough starter, but I am engaged," she murmured, "do you actually realise how hot you look?," she laughed, "like…" she shook her head in disbelief, "how is it even possible that you are so fucking gorgeous, look at those eyes- baby, you have a face for this kind of thing…"

Trevor felt his neck warming up with embarrassment. She grinned at him and then looked back down at the video, "who filmed this? This looks like some professional filming…"

"Jen set it all up with a tripod and I made her leave because I couldn't film it with her watching me, it's too confronting…" he admitted, "and then she is obsessed with learning new stuff so she got a video editing program and read up and watched videos on how to edit things cleanly, this has been our pet project for months — Joey thought the idea was so stupid, but… I actually see the merit in it."

Olivia clicked back to the profile and saw that Jen had also recorded some videos and they had completed a farm tour. They already had over a thousand followers. She clicked back to the video of Trevor and scrolled to the comments.

"Fuck. Where is this farm? I would like sour dough daddy to start my dough…"

Olivia started to laugh, "did you see this comment, sour dough daddy?"

He rolled his eyes and shook his head, "people are weird, Liv… that's weird."

"Mmm I kind of relate to them," she laughed, "but don't go getting yourself an Only Fans page just yet."

"Oh my goodness, stop it!," he shook his head, "Don't be gross…"

"Not bad though, baby, you have over 8000 views, is that viral?"

He shrugged, "I don't know… ask Jen, she knows all that stuff… but we both did our own separate instagram accounts. I hope you won't be mad at mine."

"Is it shirtless pics of you?," she asked, "because I'd be strangely upset about that…"

He laughed, "Uhuh, Olivia the traditionalist, never saw you as a 'my man is for my eyes only'," he joked.

She rose her eyebrow, "I don't want any other women getting any ideas about you being a single man and thinking they can slide in to your messages or whatever it is they do."

"Well, Jen actually made it so that I can only receive private messages from people that I follow and right now I follow other local businesses, our own account and Jen's," he explained. He gently took the phone from her and switched to his own account. "If you have an issue with anything on here, let me know and I will remove it…"

She took the phone back from him and laughed. She was featured in so many of the photos but he was careful to never, ever show her face. "Trevor… this looks like a fan page," she joked, looking up at him, grinning happily.

"Well… you and Noah are the centre of my life…"

There was a photo of her standing beside Rusty, looking out in to the open hills that rolled out before her. She had her arms spread and her head back, enjoying a moment in the breeze, happy to breathe in the clean air.

"Oh…" she smiled, clicking on the photo, remembering when she turned around to realise he was taking it. She read the caption, "Nothing makes me more content when my favourite cowgirl-in-the-making and I get to enjoy moments of this life together. Nothing is more important to me."

She scrolled to find another photo of his hand beneath Noah's tiny little hand, both of them holding a handful of blueberries. "'Daddy, I wanna go and pick some berries for Mommy's lunch and so I can eat them with some chocolate, maybe if I'm good.' The hope of my little side-kick and his big heart for his Mommy will never not be the most fulfilling feeling. Every morning he gets up early with me to do all the farm chores, it's my favourite time with him."

"Fuck, Trevor…" she murmured, "how long have you had this page?"

He laughed awkwardly, "I dunno, awhile… you said you didn't have social media so I guess I didn't want to show you incase you thought it was stupid."

"This is so beautiful… I love it. Did you take all these pictures?"

He nodded. "Yeah, Jen gave me a crash course in editing them."

His feed was gorgeous, it may have looked like a best-step-forward type situation but she knew their life at the farm was every bit as wonderful and idyllic as it appeared. She handed his phone back. "I feel like I need to get an account just so I can follow you. I have a lot of beautiful photos of you that I should send you so that you can put some of you too."

He smiled, "we can share this account, you know? I could give you the details… and you can monitor the comments for your sake of-"

"No Trevor, I was only kidding about the comments, I'm not insecure that."

"But I could share it with you…. That way you don't have to put your face to anything."

She shrugged, "maybe, I'd have to get Jenna to give me that crash course too."

He laughed, "She would…"

"I'm glad this is still you doing what you want with the farm. What's the purpose? Are you looking to drive business?"

He nodded. "We are putting together an idea for a stall for the community market every month — at this stage, that would be the only weekend I'd have to come back for sure."

"Okay," she nodded, "and you could bring Noah with you if he isn't going to get in the way."

He shook his head, "Nah, Noah would be a great help."

"Soooo…" she drew in a deep breath as he put his phone down, "we're really doing this, huh?"

He grinned, circling his arms around her, "yep, looks like it… you and I, Liv, we're both going to support one another to have the things that we both want, however that looks."

"I can't tell you how much I love you for that, for consoling me and making me feel better when honestly? If you'd let me, I probably would have tried to run from this…"

A slight smile crossed his lips, it wasn't a happy one. "I know, but we are both going to break old patterns for each other, I know that you find some of this hard," he stroked her arms, "and I think your instinct is flight not fight when you're scared and that's totally understandable," he kissed her lips gently, "my instinct is to fight and I will fight for you, Benson, every step of the way if I need to because as long as I know that you want to be with me, I am not letting you go… I'm here, always, even if I'm mad or frustrated or need to go and jump on a horse and go for a ride to process something or work off a bit of anger."

"Thanks… I'll try my best too, I hope you know that I do, I always try my best to be open and honest and grateful to you. The other day when we fought over Elliot, I really wanted to be so upset with you, but I had to recognise that you needed me to just show you gentleness in that moment."

He smiled, "To be fair, I did act like a bit of a dick but… yeah, I felt insecure and I love that you recognised that rather than losing your mind with me which I understand might have been a fair thing to do."

She leaned over and kissed him, sliding her tongue between his lips, inching forward, letting him know how much she loved him. "I haven't ever had anyone want to display me in every second photo so out and proud on their social media before…"

He chuckled, stroking her back. He could taste the alcohol on her tongue, she wasn't wrong his cocktail was unintentionally strong. "Of course, you and Noah are front and centre of my life. I thought you might get a little funny about it, truthfully, that's why I didn't show you before."

"I love it. And I love the photos with Noah."

"Am I allowed to show your face?," he asked, "I would never show Noah's face for the record, but I would love to show your face."

"Hmmm, let me think about it, it's not that I don't want you to exactly, it's just that I'm not entirely sure what the social media conventions are with work — I'll ask Amanda, she has a bit of a social media presence."

"I don't think it's as secretive as it was, but I guess if you don't advertise the fact that you're a detective or even a police officer, it might be okay."

She nodded with agreement. "I'll get back to you on that one."

/

Olivia was a little drunk, pooped and fuzzy-brained. "Should I raise my legs in the air to make sure it takes?," she joked.

Trevor laughed too, "sure, whatever you think might help."

"How many times do you think we have to have sex a day until we get a baby out of this hard work? I'm honestly tired," she laughed in spite of herself.

"Wait, are you only having sex for a baby," he asked curiously, "or do you actually want to have sex with me?"

"Both," she replied, "is that bad?"

He thought about it, "well…I mean, I don't want you to have sex with me just because its something you have to do to have a baby, I want you to feel enthusiastic about having sex with me, because it's fun and because you love me and it makes you feel good…" he paused and turned back to her, "is that stupid?"

"No, but don't get worked up, if I didn't feel like having sex with you — with or without the prospect of pregnancy, I'd never agree just out of obligation. I enjoy sex, Trev," she told him sincerely, "I don't know if you've figured that out yet," she smirked. "But sex with you is definitely one of my favourite things to do when we're alone and then afterwards my favourite thing is to be with you and hang out and chat, it's so nice."

"Good, I was just checking… I'm glad that sex is enjoyable for you and not something that you just … go along with."

She laughed, "baby, what are you talking about? I was the one who made this happen…" she motioned between them both.

"You know exactly what to do to make me absolutely powerless…" he remarked. He sighed with weariness as well. "I can't resist when you put your hands on yourself…" he told her, drawing patterns on her arms, "and I'm pretty sure you know that…"

She chuckled, "Trevor, I don't think there's a guy that out there that doesn't enjoy that to some degree…"

"Mmm, yeah but I'm pretty sure you like it too, that's why it gets me so much, I love that look you get when you lose yourself and you lose all of your inhibitions and you're entirely vulnerable… it's just very, very hot."

She felt her cheeks pinking up. He reached up, smoothing them with his forefingers. "And I love the way you get embarrassed when I talk to you so directly after or before sex," he chuckled, giving her a little kiss on the neck.

"Its just… confronting, kind of…" she giggled, "but… you know, I would do anything that you want me to — obviously within reason," she added with a laugh, "but anything can be tabled for a discussion."

"Hmmm," he smirked, "don't tell me things like this…"

She shrugged, "I guess if we plan on being together forever… we gotta keep things spicy," she told him.

"Ooooft, speaking of alone time — not necessarily sexy, but tomorrow I organised a date for us," he told her, "it was actually Joey's suggestion and Jen is gonna take Olly and Noah to the trampoline park and Joey is gonna have the time of his life taking the girls to a teddy bear picnic with their playgroup."

Olivia laughed, "Really? I mean, is that fair? I feel bad. We'll have to take the kids for a sleep over or something so that they can get some alone time too."

Trevor smiled, "get used to having a really big family, huh?," he teased.

She laughed, "Joey said something weird the other day when I went to see Jen when I arrived back — he was like, 'Langan's have strong swimmers, don't worry Liv, you'll find out.'"

Trevor made a face and laughed. "He's a big fucking weirdo."

"So what's the date? What are we doing?," she wanted to know.

"You mentioned the other day it would be nice to go on a hike right? So… I was thinking of taking you to a spot that I've only hiked to once before with Joe."

"Right," she smiled, "do you think I'm fit enough? Is it like, an hour or something?"

"Yeah its probably just a little over an hour, but we'll take some lunch and plenty of water and if you get too tired, we can turn around and come back."

"I can handle a hike," she smiled even if she wasn't entirely convinced. "What time do we have to leave?"

He shrugged, "we want to be back before the sun starts to go down so let's play it by ear, but lets try to aim to leave just before lunch," he suggested.

Olivia wasn't entirely convinced it was for her but was always happy to try something once. "Okay sounds good… better not drink too much tonight," she told him.

"Good idea." He sighed, "Okay, I should get up, I promised to bring a salad for dinner tonight…" he told her, rolling on top of her, kneeling over her and kissing her lips softly. "You can rest a bit longer if you like…"

"Nah, I'll probably fall asleep…" she shrugged.

"That's okay, if you need some sleep, you should sleep, sweetheart," he told her.

Olivia ignored him and got up too. "Ill meet you downstairs in a few minutes," she told him, going to the bathroom to pee and get dressed.

"Okay," he replied as he pulled on some clothes and headed back downstairs.

/

"What the actual fuck…" Trevor muttered beneath his breath as a smile engulfed his lips. He saw her walking up toward his house and almost couldn't believe his eyes. He made a beeline to the front door and threw it open.

She seemed taller than the last time he'd seen her. Tall, ash blonde, a huge grin upon her lips as she spotted him. "Hi!," she squealed, picking up her pace with her arms held open. Trevor met her a short distance from his door and engulfed his little sister in his arms, lifting her up from the ground.

"What the fuck are you doing here!?"

She laughed as he set her down, "I could be offended by that question, but I choose not to be… How could I resist checking out what my big brothers have done with the place?!"

Trevor cocked his head, "why are you here, come on? You hate the farm."

She shrugged and smiled at her brother. "I missed you and I missed Jen and Joe and last weekend Jen and Liv sent me messages while they were out and I really wanted to come and meet this woman that Jen is replacing me with," she joked.

"Don't be silly, Ange," Trevor remarked but he knew that she was joking. "Its so good to see you, you look so beautiful!"

"Thanks! I did ask if it was okay if I crash and Jen and Joe's for a few days, but maybe if I'm not imposing I might come hang out with you too?"

"Of course that's fine…" he smiled. "I would love that. How long are you here for?," he wanted to know.

"Weeeee-llll, I'm not sure — but I'll tell you more about it over dinner. I met Noah! He's beautiful! He called you Daddy, it almost made me cry."

Trevor smiled. "Come on, come inside. You can meet Olivia. We're just getting some stuff made to take to Joe's for dinner."

"Joe warned me that I might be walking in to some kind of world-record love-in," she teased him.

"Joe's a dickhead," Trevor laughed as he opened the door for his sister. She took a step inside and took her designer shoes off.

"Wow," she remarked, "this is a bit of a head-fuck," she spoke slowly, looking around. "Everything looks the same but just cleaner, newer and homely. I love it, Trev…"

He smiled, "Jen helped and I've re-done the kitchen and the upstairs bathrooms. I ripped out the fourth bedroom and turned it in to a master and ensuite. It was too weird to be sleeping in Mom and Dad's room."

Angela smiled, bitter-sweet about the changes made to her childhood home. Olivia came down the stairs wearing a one of Trevor's white t-shirt's with no pants. She looked absolutely startled when she saw the gorgeous young woman standing just inside the front door.

"Fuck…" she remarked, "I'm sorry," she quickly doubled it back up the stairs, feeling her face flush with redness.

"Turns out Joey was on the money…" Angela remarked amused. "I'll wait, you better go explain. She's gorgeous, nice legs-"

Trevor felt bad, "I'll be right back."

/

"Oh my gosh, who the fuck is that Trevor? I'm so embarrassed!" Olivia hissed.

"That, baby," he started, "is my baby sister Angela."

"What!" Olivia remarked, "that's Angela? What's she doing here? Oh my gosh she's gonna think I'm some floozy you met on Tinder!"

Trevor laughed, "actually she said you had lovely legs…I think good taste must be in our genetics. Its okay Liv, she's seen legs before, we all have. She's not thinking anything, she's just excited to meet you," Trevor told her, obviously excited himself to see his sister.

"What a first impression," Olivia groaned, grabbing a pair of tights and pulling them on hurriedly. "I guess I better try to smooth this over."

"There's nothing to smooth, babe." He watched her stand in the mirror and gather her hair and tie it back. He smiled, he loved how gorgeous she looked when she tied all of her hair off of her face.

"Do I look okay?," she asked, ignoring him, "should I put some make up on?"

"No," Trevor said firmly, "you look beautiful, come on…" he took her hand and guided her back downstairs.

/

Trevor saw his sister looking around a little uncomfortably before she finally took a seat on the couch as he and Olivia reached the landing of the staircase.

"Ange…"

She stood back up quickly as if she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have. She whirled around and smiled at Olivia who was still looking a little embarrassed.

"Ange, I want you to meet Olivia, Olivia this is my little, tiny, baby sister, Angela… or Angie, or Ange…"

Olivia smiled at her, coming around toward her with her arms out. "Hi Angela, so nice to meet you, sorry about before." They hugged warmly. Angela felt warmed to Olivia instantly.

"So nice to meet you," she replied as they pulled apart. Angela held on to Trevor's girlfriend for a moment and stared at her, "Wow, nice to put a face to all the stories…" she said with a wistful sigh, "you're more beautiful in person… Trevor," she turned to her brother, letting go of her, "I approve, she's gorgeous and she gives good hugs and Jen is probably going to try to kill you to leave Joey for her…"

They laughed uncomfortably.

"Aww," Liv laughed bashfully, "and you've got the Langan signature eyes and that killer grin…"

"Wow, do all you guys need a room," Trevor joked.

"Don't be a dick, Trev, leave that for Joey." Ange replied, "So how's it been here? Are you here full time now?," she asked her brother.

"Nah, Liv had a couple weeks off work and really needed a holiday and I can work wherever I want as long as I don't have to go go to court…"

"Ah, right. Are you guys gonna be here for much longer?," she asked curiously.

"I have to be home to organise myself for work again maybe Thursday next week or so," Liv replied.

"Manhattan with Trev, right?" Ange asked.

"When we get back, I'm moving in with Liv," he replied, lending a smile to his girlfriend. He was so excited to be a part of a family with her.

"Oh, what are you doing with your apartment?," she wondered curiously.

"Haven't thought that far ahead. Might rent it out or sell it, I think we'll see how we go."

Angela nodded. "Okay, well… I just wanted to come say hi, I'll give you guys time to organise what you were doing for dinner, I'm gonna go in to town and grab some alcohol…"

"Oh, no, you don't have to do that, we have plenty of alcohol," Olivia said quickly, she laughed in spite of herself, "anyone would think we're functioning alcoholics here."

"Ohhhh, really? I felt bad drinking in front of Jen."

"Really," Trevor pitched in, "what do you want? I'll make you guys a drink."

"Don't let him make you a 'surprise-me' drink, I got surprised earlier and had to take a drunken nap," she fibbed.

"You took a drunken something," Trevor couldn't help but mutter.

"Trevor!" Both Ange and Olivia reproached him at once.

"Maybe I'll make you a drink, what would you like?" Olivia asked her, "We have gin, whisky, vodka, red wine, white wine, I think Trev has tequila because it was fairly strong in the drink he made me earlier."

"Thanks Olivia, do you guys have any soda? I would murder a whisky and cola."

"I can do that…" Olivia told her, "follow me… honey, what did you tell your brother we'd bring to eat with dinner?"

"Just some salad or something to go with the meat."

Olivia thought for a moment, "what if I made some rice and vegetables and a salad, is that enough?," she asked as Trevor followed both her and Ange in to the kitchen.

"I can do it, I'll put some rice in and start making the salad."

"Its fine," she insisted, "I don't mind. Does Joey need potatoes or something? Maybe you can cut some potatoes?"

"I'll ask," he replied. "I'll check in on Noah too." He glanced at his sister, "I'll be back." He smiled, "Holy shit, it is so good to see you!" He remarked happily, engulfing her in a hug again. "You look like you weren't intending on it being so hot…" he replied, referring to her thick tights and oversized cardigan.

"I actually wasn't. I just wasn't thinking to be honest with you. I just drove from JFK and it's always cold at home."

Trevor had a bad feeling as to why she had arrived. It was rare that the brothers could ever get her to set foot on the soil at the farm let alone for her to arrive unannounced for a time span that she was't forthcoming about.

Olivia poured her a drink and passed it to her. "There you go, your whisky and cola," she smiled, passing a glass to Ange who was looking around the kitchen a little bewildered.

She glanced at Olivia and softened in to a smile. "I love you already, I was in the house five minutes and you brought me a drink, you're the best."

"You're most welcome," she held up her own glass, filled with the same alcohol toward Trevor. "Would you like one, baby?"

"Sure, thanks." He replied before turning back to his sister, "so, are you sure you don't wanna stay here? It's quieter than Joe being a buffoon and the kids screaming and carrying on," he smiled.

"No, its okay, I don't want to encroach on your time, plus, no offence, but it freaks me out being here…" she replied.

He knew better than to be offended. His youngest sister was only 17 when their father passed and only 23 when their Mom passed. She came to the farm only a handful of times afterward, opting to take an internship in England instead of facing up to visiting the family home and unconsciously dredging up suppressed grief.

"None taken," Trevor replied, "but the offer remains open."

"Thanks…" Olivia poured another drink for Trevor. "Cheers anyway, it's so nice to have you home and I'm so excited that you get to meet Olivia."

"Cheers…" Olivia lifted their glass as the three clinked.

"Well, the kitchen is my favourite part of the house, it looks nothing like it used to, so it doesn't feel weird to be in here."

"Maybe you just need to desensitise yourself…" Trevor said gently.

Ange shrugged. "No thank you," she replied. "Do you need any help, Olivia?"

/

"Its definitely a bit weird," Trevor murmured to Joey, "did you know she was gonna turn up?"

"Nope!" Joe shook his head, "absolute surprise, Jen had no idea either…" Trevor set down his beer and glanced over at Olivia chatting away happily to Angie while Noah clung to her.

"Hey…" he looked at his brother. Joe looked away from the grill and gave his attention to his brother. "Liv and I, we're trying to have a baby."

Joey nearly spat his beer causing Trevor to laugh. "Really? Are you sure? It's not too soon?"

Trevor shrugged, "I mean… maybe in a society sense but I don't think so, I know what I want. Liv knows what she wants. We don't exactly have years and years to make the decision. Neither of us want to be old parents… it just makes sense and," he shrugged, "we just want to start forever…"

"Look," Joe glanced at his younger brother by two years. "You and Olivia are solid, I would agree with that. I think in this case knowing the both of you and getting to know Olivia so fast, I think you guys should do what makes you happy, I'm here for you and Jen and I will always support you."

"Thanks bro…" Trevor patted his brother on the back and picked up a fresh beer. He cleared his throat, "how long til you wanna throw that meat on the grill?"

"Probably 20 or 30 minutes, is that okay, you got somewhere to be?," he joked.

"I am going to get to the bottom of the Angela mystery," he replied. "I'll be back…"

/

"Hey Ange," he called, wondering if her weakness was still the same. She glanced up from the drink that she was holding; by his count it was probably already her forth while Liv was still nursing her second.

"Yeah?"

"Come for a walk with me, I wanna show you something…"

She gave him a funny look and he could tell she was a little drunk. "Where?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed, "stop asking questions, come on…"

She set her drink down and followed him. They walked in silence away from their family. Trevor heard a little set of footsteps running behind them, "Daddyyyyyyy," Noah whined, "where are you going?"

Trevor stopped and spun around, scooping Noah up who was on the cusp of bursting in to tears. He looked up and saw Olivia in the distance. He gave her a thumbs up, just to let her know he had him. "Hey bubba, its okay, I'm just going for a little walk with my sister, Angie, did you say hello?"

His sister smiled at him and Noah. "We met earlier, didn't we Noah?"

Noah nodded. He was tired, Trevor could tell. He laid his head on Trevor's shoulder.

"Fatherhood looks good on you, Trev…I'm really happy you've got someone special and a little tiny someone else special."

"Me too, thanks," he said. "So… talk to me, what's going on? Why are you here? You hate it here."

"I don't really know… I had to leave London… I didn't know where else to go," she admitted quietly. "Robert broke up with me and everything in London just reminds me of him, so I did an irrational thing and quit my job and got on a plane and I'm here…"

"Wait back up, what happened with Rob?"

"I don't know, Trev…" she sighed, "just a lot, the relationship wasn't working for awhile but it was my fault, it's always my fault…he just came home about two months ago and said he was in love with someone else and that it was over and moved all his things out of our flat and that was it."

"Why did he think it was your fault?"

"Because I have unresolved issues," she shrugged and smiled at her brother in spite of her obvious hurt, "what could have ever given him that idea?," she joked.

"Why didn't you tell us? I could have come to London to be with you and help you through it."

She shook her head, "Trevor, I'm a little too drunk for this conversation, but… I have kept my life in London compartmentalised for a lot of reasons and I realised its a trauma thing and I can't tell you how hard I shoved losing Mom and Dad in a box and I don't like coming here because it forces me to have to face it…"

"I know… I'm not an idiot, Joe and I, I guess we went the other way. Just stay here, stay with us. Grief is hideous, its ugly and it feels awful but you're not getting through it by putting a lid on it, because it starts bleeding out in other areas, trust me on that… you are only putting it off."

They got to the barn and Trevor opened the door. Noah lifted his head, "Ohhh it's Maple!" He suddenly had some pep back in him and wriggled to get down.

"Bubba you've had your bath and you're in your pajamas so I don't want you to get dirty, okay?"

Noah nodded and walked ahead, listening to the piglets squealing for attention.

"Oh Trevor…" Angie laughed, "this is a dirty trick…"

He laughed too and opened the gate. "Come on, I want you to meet Noah and my pet piglet…"

Noah sat down on a crate that Trevor had put inside the barn for him and he carefully picked up the piglet that loved to be cuddled while the other two vied for his attention. Trevor grabbed another crate that was on the other side of the fence and put it down. "Sit down… say hello the babies…"

Doing as she was told, Angela took a seat and crossed her arms as the spotted piglet stood at her feet, oinking and grunting. "Oh… you're very cute…"

Trevor reached down and picked up Spotty and put her in Angela's lap. Slowly she put an arm around the piglet and began to scratch her behind the ears just as she had with her favourite piglet growing up.

She looked up to Trevor with tears filling her eyes.

"Hey, don't cry, sorry, Ange, I didn't mean to upset you…"

"This is why I hate it here…" she laughed, "you remind me so much of Dad right now… I used to come out with him here every single morning before school and I was too scared to pick them up so he'd grab them and put them in my lap," she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Don't cry, the piggies love when you give them cuddles, they'll make you feel better," Noah told her softly.

Angie smiled at the little boy and reached out and gave his little shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Thank you, sweetheart," she murmured, sniffing.

"Dad lived for those moments with you, Ange, it's okay to feel sad thinking about them, but don't try to erase it. Feelings are good, they're what make you human, they're what make you an incredible doctor."

"I know," she sniffed, "its just a lot."

"So… if you really really don't want to stay here, you can take my apartment, stay there when I go to Liv's until you figure it out…"

"Thanks…" she nodded, "I didn't mean to just turn up and disrupt everything, Trev-"

"Don't be silly, despite the circumstances, I can't tell you just how excited I am that you're here."

"I'm so happy to see you guys…" she sighed, "it's actually … kind of nice to be home."

They played with the piglets for a short while before they headed back to his brother's house for dinner, deciding that there was probably a lot more to discuss with his sister but understood it was going to be a slow process.