Once again, I feel like it took me forever to get to this.
Adrien always felt like his life was rather mundane. Perhaps that was simply because he was used to it all. Most people seemed to be under the impression that Adrien led this fascinating and exciting lifestyle with all the photoshoots and activities that he was involved in. And for those who didn't experience those things as regularly as he did, maybe it was. But for Adrien, most days tended to feel like they all molded together. It was one of the reasons he enjoyed being Chat Noir. Sure, there was occasional repetition. Some people got re-akumatized more than others, and sometimes there weren't any akumatizations at all. Still, more often than not, there were, and generally speaking, a new villain was always around the corner.
On days like today, where everything felt rather...boring, Chat Noir thrived on the hopes that Hawkmoth would be up to no good. A part of him felt a little selfish when he thought about it. After all, what kind of person did it make him, to wish someone would be upset enough to be akumatized just so he could save them? He had talked to Lucy about it once. He had gone to visit her on a particularly quiet day.
OoOoOoOO
Chat twisted back and forth in Lucy's desk chair, looking over her room at no one thing in particular while she sat on the floor with a painting. His head swung back and in the silence, he groaned.
"Not a single Akuma today! What is HawkMoth playing at!? I'm so bored!"
Lucy snickered as she looked up at him. "Nothing better to do with your time other than hope someone gets upset enough to be akumatized huh?"
Chat Noir lifted his head and frowned a little as he thought it over. "Does that make me a bad person?" Lucy shook her head no.
"Of course not. It's actually pretty normal. Ask almost anyone who has ever fought in a war or intense combat situations, and most of them will tell you they miss it too."
Chat shifted and made a skeptical face. "Well, I don't know about that. I don't think I would ever miss being in a war."
"Is that not what you are in already?" Lucy asked with a raised eyebrow. "What else would you call the situation between you and Ladybug and HawkMoth?"
Crossing his arms Chat thought it over. Lucy didn't give him a chance to answer as she stood from her spot on the ground, wiping her hands of wet paint and taking a seat on her bed. "It's a war. Sure, it's not the kind of war you picture in your head but it's still a war, and every time your not fighting in it, your gonna miss it a little."
"Why? Chat finally asked perplexed. "I don't like fighting people, or knowing HawkMoth is controlling them. I don't want people to suffer, so why do I miss it so much when it's not happening?"
Lucy let out a deep breath and tilted her from side to side as she thought about how to answer.
"I don't think it has anything to do with those specific details really. It's well...Ladybug." Chat blinked at her before shaking his head.
"Lady- Lucy, we've talked about this, I'm not in love with-"
"I never said that." Lucy interrupted, holding her hand out to stop him. "I can't speak from experience, obviously. But a few years back, before my parents separated and all that, I remember we had all gone to this dinner party a friend of my dad's was having. You see, my dad was in the army. Long before I was born or he even knew my mom. The friend that was hosting the party was someone he knew from back then."
Chat watched Lucy curiously as she seemed to take a trip down memory lane.
"My dad, his friend, and some other party guest were chatting and at some point, the topic of the army was brought up. The woman asked if there was anything they missed about the war and I remember my dad's friend giving it some thought until he eventually said, ma'am, pretty much all of it." Lucy paused, biting at her lip as her brows knitted together.
"In the car, on our way home I asked my dad about what he meant and if he missed the war too. My father didn't talk about his time in the war much, if at all, much like he didn't talk about work. My mother tried to dismiss me, knowing my dad wouldn't really want to talk about it but he indulged. He said it wasn't the war itself that was missed. If you were to go into a crowded room and survey how many people have paid money to go to the cinema and watch a war-based movie, the odds are most people would say they have, because most of us can't help but find something compelling about it all. That feeling is magnified in the soldiers that actually experience it. It's not the killing or the political agenda, or anything like that that draws a person into the topic of war. It's the brotherhood."
"The brotherhood?" Chat repeated as Lucy gave him a tight-lipped smile and nod.
"He missed, in some ways, the opposite of killing. What he missed was the connection to the other men he was with. Now, brotherhood is different from friendship. Friendship happens in society, obviously. The more you like someone, the more you'd be willing to do for them. Brotherhood has nothing to do with how you feel about the other person. It's a mutual agreement in a group that you will put the welfare of the group, you will put the safety of everyone in the group above your own. In effect, you're saying, I love these other people more than I love myself."
Chat listened, swallowing hard. He could understand it. Maybe he wasn't in love with Ladybug, but from the moment they met, it was an unspoken bond between them. One that had been tested time and time again that when it came down to it, they would do everything to protect one another to the best of their ability.
"My dad said that his friend was their team leader back in the day. That they had all been shot at and almost killed numerous times but worrying about your own life isn't what makes war scary. He said during a particularly long firefight, one of their other team members got shot and went down. No one had time to deal with it. Amazingly enough after several moments of being on the ground that soldier got up. The bullet hit his helmet and knocked him off his feet. Everyone thought he was dead and just like that he was up again. My dad said that was the first time he had seen his team leader cry. Because it was at that moment that he realized he could not protect his men. That is what brotherhood is."
"You think about all these soldiers having an experience like that, a bond like that, in a small group, where they loved 20 other people in some ways more than they loved themselves, you think about how good that would feel, imagine it, and they are blessed with that experience for a year, and then they come home, and they are just back in society like the rest of us are, not knowing who they can count on, not knowing who loves them, who they can love, not knowing exactly what anyone they know would do for them if it came down to it. That is terrifying. Compared to that, war, psychologically, in some ways, is easy, compared to that kind of alienation. That's why they miss it. That's why you miss it."
"Because I know I can count on Ladybug."
"And because you know Ladybug can count on you. No matter what." Lucy clarified. "Chances are, and forgive me if I'm overstepping, you don't have many people in your civilian life you feel you know would go the extra mile anywhere near the level of Ladybug and vice versa. For most of us, that's normal. Not knowing who you can depend on when the going gets tough is just a part of life. Live and learn. But for you and even for her, it will be different. You have each other as Chat Noir and Ladybug, but outside of your hero personas, you have to find the means elsewhere. It's hard to find a connection elsewhere that runs that deep."
"What about you?" Chat asked. "Do you have a bond of brotherhood with anyone?"
Lucy shrugged. "My mom. I'm pretty positive we would kill for one another at the end of the day."
"No one else?" Chat pried, fiddling with his thumbs. Lucy smirked at him.
"Hoping I would say you?"
"Not necessarily." Adrien on the other hand...
"I'm pretty sure I would," Lucy says getting a brow raise from the feline hero.
"Hm?"
"Lay my life on the line for you if I had to."
Chat frowned slightly at her sentiments. "I'm the superhero Lucy. I protect you. Not the other way around. I would never ask that of you."
"Well that's the glory of it, isn't it? You would never have to ask."
OoOoOoOoOo
Chat pouted as he got another glass of milk from the Le Grand Paris Hotel bar. He had even gone as far as to poke at Mr. Ramier in hopes that something...anything would happen. Fortunately, and yet, somehow, unfortunately, Mr. Ramier admitted he had been in rather high spirits today and asked Chat to pass on a hello to Ladybug. He attempted to call her for the 6th time that afternoon only for it to go straight to voice mail.
Even Butler Jean had commented on how he felt as though he had not seen much of Ladybug as of late. The past week had indeed been quiet as far as akumas were concerned. The week before however had been as busy as ever which is what made Chat so edgy. There was never any consistency when it came to Hawkmoth. As Chloe and Sabrina came through the room, Chat for a moment let his hopes go up as he watched Chloe scold Sabrina for losing a purse she had yet to realize she was wearing on her shoulder. Chat thought for sure if there was anyone he could count on to start an akumatization it would be Chloe. Alas, it wasn't enough. Although Chloe was still being dramatic, Sabrina seemed less concerned about Chloe's dismissal of her now that the blonde girl at least knew Sabrina hadn't lost her bag.
Chat grumbled and held out his empty glass for the butler. "Make it a double pal."
After hours of waiting to hear from Ladybug Chat finally was going to give up. He hoped maybe Lucy would be free to entertain him like before. He called her phone only for that also to get sent to voicemail. Chat let out a disappointed sigh before he heard some clatter in the distance. Pering down from the rooftop he was currently on, Chat spotted Kagami and her mother practicing fencing.
"Yes, never let yourself be weak, mother. I know that lesson well." Kagami said from below.
"And never be—" Tomoe continued
"Taken by surprise." Kagami finished with confidence. Her mother aggressively attacked with her bokken.
"Don't apply these principles to fencing, you'll never be as good as Adrien Agreste!"
"Adrien? Don't worry mother." Kagami tells her with a smile, hitting up her Bokken and knocking it out of her mother's hands, although she manages to catch it. "I've got everything I need to succeed with him."
Chat smiles admirably before leaving them to make his way home. Things with Kagami over the past two months had been...good. At least he thought so. He and Kagami only ever really got to see one another for fencing and a few other social occasions that included their parents. Because of this, the pair had to make small... adjustments to their schedules from time to time. Usually, it worked out well, but not always. Although Adrien hated days like today when he didn't have a reason to be Chat Noir, there had been plenty of times when it was the complete opposite. And on some of those days, Adrien had to leave Kagami high and dry. He always felt bad but she never really question it or even bring it up later. He supposed she didn't want to waste the little time they did have together inquiring about him running off. After all, it didn't happen every time.
Speaking of Kagami and secret hangout time, Adrien smiled as Nathalie informed him of a schedule change made for his and Kagami's fencing class that afternoon. He knew it was her doing as he shook his head. "Kagami, Kagami, Kagami."
OoOooOoOo
Kagami got out of the car rather anxiously when they arrived in front of Adrien's school. She had decided something when she had made the change in their schedule that day. Today she would share something about herself that no one else knew about her with Adrien.
The past few months had been something. She believed that Adrien was...content with her at best. Kagami knew that the beginning of their relationship was something of a strange start. She had laid all her cards out on the table about her feelings and had excepted that Adrien was less certain of his own but she had figured if they had made it this long that perhaps he was more fond of her than he let on. But something was holding him back. Holding them back. Kagami wanted to blame Lucy. That her constant role in Adrien's life is what made it hard for him to get over her. However, as time went on she couldn't help but feel it was more than that.
Being that it was summer, actually meant that Adrien saw less of Lucy than normal, being that while school was out his schedule was filled with other responsibilities much like Kagami's own. But even with that aside, Adrien seemed to always be at a distance from her. Something else was keeping them from getting closer and with summer vacation coming to an end soon, Kagami was determined to do what she could to fix that.
"Kagami? Adrien?" Mr. Haprele called out upon seeing the two teens. "Your fencing class doesn't start for an hour. And Mr. D'Argencourt hasn't arrived yet."
"Oh really? And I was sure I wrote down the correct hour this time!" Kagami spoke innocently.
"I'm sorry but you can't—"
"Stay at school without adult supervision?" Kagami finished, already knowing the rules. "No problem, Mr. Haprele. We'll come back for the class in an hour."
"What are you up to this time?" Adrien asked, as Kagami quickly dragged him up the steps when Mr. Haprele turned away.
The pair ended up in the art room and Adrien watched Kagami curiously.
"The arts and crafts room? What are you planning to do here?" Adrien asks as Kagami kneels down and unzips her bag, pulling out a sketchbook.
"I've never told this to anyone but… I love to draw. I always have." Kagami confesses. She opens her sketchbook and flips thought some of the pages. Some being animals, random people, and even her mother, "Drawings never lie. The poses that people make are always a reflection of their personality." Adrien gasps, surprised and impressed. "But my mother won't let me do it, according to her, I'm not good enough…"
"You're super talented Kagami." Adrien complimented. It would forever astound Adrien how, although blind, Kagami's mother never seemed without sight, and yet she somehow couldn't see Kagami's potential in art.
"You really think so?"
"Mmhm."
Kagami takes Adrien's hand and directs him to the platform in the room. "Pose for me, I want to sketch you."
Now, this was something he knew how to do. "How do you want me to pose?"
"However makes you comfortable," Kagami tells him. Adrien does one of his model poses as she starts drawing. "I really admire Toulouse Lautrec. I'd like to draw you just like the characters he painted. Did you know he often signed his drawings with a monogram as many Japanese artists did?" After a few minutes of sketching Kagami frowns at what she has produced. "This isn't right, it's not you." She tears the paper from the sketchpad.
"Can I see it?" Adrien asks, sure that whatever she drew was great, but Kagami crumples the paper and tosses it.
"Try a different pose. It should be easy to do a beautiful sketch of you because you're so handsome but what I want is to capture the real you inside."
Adrien tries several other poses in order for Kagami to get the image of him she is looking for but nothing seems to be working. The Asian girl frowns in frustration. "These are all modeling poses. Try something that's more natural, more you." Adrien thinks on it for a moment before smiling and strikes a Chat Noir pose.
"Hmm, what about MEOW!" But Kagami looks unimpressed. "Uhh…I mean now?" He asks nervously.
"No, you're not at all natural."
Adrien frowns, placing a hand on his chest. "Yes, I am. I promise this is me."
"NO!" Kagami shouts as she stands up, slamming the sketchpad on the table. From the corner of the room, unnoticed by either two, Lucy jumps at the sudden sound. She unplugs her headphones from her ears and pokes her head around her canvas sporting Kagami and Adrien. "That's you when you're being silly!"
"What if when I'm being silly, I'm really me?" Adrien asks conflicted. Lucy smiled gently from her place but it doesn't last as Kagami stares and then walks toward Adrien. She takes his hand and moves it to his chest then pushes him back to the wall and suddenly, Lucy feels she is now watching something she shouldn't be.
"There. This is really you." Kagami says, looking up at him.
"Do you really think?…"
"Yes, you're, perfect." Kagami leans in to kiss him and Lucy squeaks slightly before hiding herself back behind her canvas. The sound distracts both teens as they look towards the back of the room.
"Is someone there?" Adrien calls out as Kagami takes a step back from him, narrowing her eyes in the direction of the sound. Lucy internally panics and debates if she should stay quiet and hope they ignore it or if she should just announce herself. The sound of footsteps making their way towards her makes the decision as she pops her head out from the side of the canvas once more and smiles awkwardly at the pair, offering a small wave.
"Why hello there."
"Lucy?" Adrien says in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"Painting. As I'm sure you noticed, Mr. Haprele is rather easy to get past." She answered honestly. "What are you doing here?"
"We arrived at our fencing class a little early. Decided to spend some time alone together." Kagami answered, taking ahold of Adrien's arm. No matter how supportive Lucy seemed to be about the two's relationship, knowing Adrien might still feel something for the other girl couldn't help but make Kagami feel the need to physically showcase affection around her.
"Of course. I didn't mean to interrupt. I had my music playing. Didn't even realize you guys were here until you slammed your sketchbook down, Kagami. Why did you by the way? Get so upset I mean."
"She was trying to sketch me," Adrien answered for Kagami. "She's really talented but I guess I looked a little stiff." He chuckled, scratching the back of his neck.
"This is a lovely painting," Kagami commented as she peeked at what Lucy was working on. A hummingbird. "Do you ever do people?"
As Lucy went to answer, much as he had with Kagami, Adrien answered for her. "Does she! Lucy does amazing portraits. You really should see them."
Kagami and Lucy share a look before Kagami speaks again. "Well, then I'm sure you will agree with me when I say Adrien's modeling poses are definitely not a reflection of who he is inside. Nor is a silly pose such as the one he tried to pull off."
"Uh..." Lucy looked between the two teens and let out a breathy laugh. "I don't think I want to get in the middle-"
"You're not." Kagami cut her off. "In your artistic opinion what would you say?"
Lucy lets out a small sigh and shrugs. " I mean, no. I don't think modeling poses are a reflection of you, Adrien, or most people for that matter. And although I know how silly you can be, I wouldn't say it's your definitive personality trait either."
"See." Kagami says to Adrien. "Unnatural."
"No, no. Not unnatural just not...prominent." Lucy clarified. Adrien and Kagami looked at her as if expecting clarification. Lucy shrugged and moved her hands around in a tight circular motion as she tried to piece together how to explain her thoughts. "I think...well, Kagami when you sketch people, do they usually know you are sketching them?"
"No, not usually."
"Well, that's really how you are able to get them at their most natural. When you have a person pose for you, no matter how natural they try to be, knowing someone is drawing you can take away from that. Candid is always best in that essence. I can..." She paused a moment as another internal debate ran through her head. "I can show you a drawing I have of Adrien if you would like."
"You drew me!?" Adrien questioned. "When!? Why didn't you show me!?" Lucy shrugged once more.
"I don't know...I just didn't..." Lucy went into her bag and pulled out her own sketchbook. One she used mainly to doodle in or create ideas for larger paintings. "So you do a thing," Lucy said, flipping through the pages in search of the drawing she is looking for. Adrien tilted his head to the side.
"A thing?"
"Yes, a thing with your body language." Adrien could feel himself get nervous.
" A weird thing?" Lucy paused her flipping and smiled at him.
"No, not at all. A you thing." She clarified. Adrien smiled and looked down, rubbing the back of his neck.
"That. You do that thing." Lucy pointed. Adrien blinked at her and then looked at his hand before bringing it back down to his side. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about," Lucy said with a light laugh at his sudden posture. "Some people, bite their lip, or pick at their nails, or fidget with pieces of their clothes when they are bashful. You, my darling boy, smile, look down, and rub the back of your neck."
"You do do that," Kagami confirmed, earning a slight flush from the boy. Lucy, finally finding what she was looking for presented her sketchbook to Adrien and Kagami. In front of them was a drawn and marker-colored picture of Adrien, doing the exact motion mentioned.
"I have no idea what you and Nino were talking about, but whatever it was made you do that, and I don't know why it stood out to me so much. I have seen you make that exact motion a hundred times before but for some reason, it stuck with me and so I drew it."
Adrien took, the sketchpad from Lucy's hands and thumbed over the picture as Kagami tilted her head, examining it beside him.
"For me, this is my best description of you in a natural form," Lucy explained. "I don't see seriousness or passion, or silliness," She said, earning the attention of the two. "what I see is kindness, humbleness, lightheartedness. That is you I see." Adrien swallows as he stares back at Lucy intently, somehow reconfirming all the reasons he loved her. When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. The human body essentially recreates itself every six months. Nearly every cell of hair and skin and bone dies and another is directed to its former place. You are not who you were last November.
Kagami could feel her jaw clench as she watched the pair look at one another. As if feeling Kagami's eyes burning holes into her, Lucy's eyes shifted to her briefly before clearing her throat and taking back the book.
"But it's all a matter of perspective I suppose. Everyone sees everyone differently. Everyone sees themselves differently. The sound of both of their phones going off took Adrien and Kagami's attention.
"Now it's really time for our fencing class," Adrien spoke, clearing his throat as well.
"Have fun." Lucy offered gently. Kagami looked her over one last time before turning along with Adrien and taking his arm in hers once more. She half expect the boy to pull away but instead, he smiled down at her. One she returned halfheartedly.
OoOoOo
Kagami tried to ignore the hot and cold Adrien kept letting off. One minute he was inches away from kissing her. The next, he was running off saying he forgot something. She had tried to ignore it. He is just forgetful sometimes. It happens. Except it kept happening. Again, and again, and again. Soon. School was back in session and Kagami saw even less of Adrien. At every opportunity, she looked for a reason for them to see each other and almost every time it was in vain. He always had something last minute he needed to get back to, something he left behind, without ever really noticing he was leaving her behind as well.
Finally, Prince Ali's birthday came around. The two were set to go to his birthday party as invited guests. They first, however, went to Luka and Juleka's houseboat to have a little concert. Most of the songs were of Kitty Selection, but Luka had gone center stage with a song he had dedicated to Marinette in the last set.
Cause I was just wondering
Could you tell me is it all a waste of time?
Are you leaving my love behind?
Baby say the word and let me know
You gotta give me something
I swear that I won't try to change your mind
If you're leaving my love behind
Baby say the word and let me go
The song was rather sad, in Kagami's opinion. And she thought that it let too much insight into the struggles Marinette and Luka were having in their current relationship. Yet, as she listened to the lyrics, something about it felt relatable. Perhaps, Marinette was as fickle with her feelings as Adrien seemed to be. Kagami clapped as the song ended and looked at the time. Their ride to the birthday party had yet to come but now was as good a time as any to slip away for just a while. Kagami needed to talk with Adrien. She needed assurance that much like the sad song she had just heard played: this wasn't all a waste of time.
"Adrien, it's time." She called out.
"Five more minutes?" She shook her head no and the pair made their way off the boat. She took his hand, and Adrien lost grip of his bag. His fencing shoes tumbled out and the two dropped down to put them away. When they got back up, Adrien offered Kagami and smile and made his way to the curb. In the corner of her eye, Kagami spotted Adrien's lucky charm and picked it up to give to him. Once at his side, Adrien pouted.
"The cars aren't here yet. That's too bad. We could have played the song again."
"But this way we have a little time together," Kagami informed, but Adrien missed the hint she had been dropping.
"We'll have plenty of time together when we go to Prince Ali's birthday."
"Together," Kagami continues, taking his hand in hers. "just the two of us, I mean. I'm so happy when I'm with you." In the corner of his eye, Adrien sees Lucy standing near the railing of the houseboat. Luka approaches her and the two begin to talk amongst one another. It wasn't till he noticed Ladybug a moment later that his attention is taken away from one disturbance to another. His current girlfriend unaware of the thoughts reeling through his mind at present. Where did Ladybug come from? Did she need his help? What was he supposed to say to excuse himself this time?
"I have a feeling we're a lot alike. Do you feel the same way? Do you also-"Kagami pauses as she realizes Adrien isn't paying attention, turning around to see what he was looking at. Examining the space, She doesn't see anything worth noting until she looks up toward the boat and sees Lucy and Luka huddled together talking. Is that what has him so distracted? When she brings her eyes back toward Adrien, he is already looking back at her.
"Sorry, I thought I saw a wasp." It was a lame excuse, he knew. Guilt crept up inside Adrien, but not nearly as much as his concern for Ladybug, or even the unnecessary jealousy he had as he glanced back up toward Lucy who still spoke with Luka. He looked...uneasy, and Lucy offered him a kind smile, placing a hand on his back and her head on his shoulder. Adrien took a deep inward breath and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, Lucy was in front of him, smiling her kind smile.
"Do you love... me too?" She asked. Except it wasn't her. Not even remotely.
"Excuse me?" Adrien asked blinking as Kagami frowned. He was almost certain he misheard her.
"Adrien, what's going on?" Kagami finally asked. She didn't understand. Why couldn't he just be transparent with her?
"I… forgot something on the barge, when my bag fell. Don't wait up for me. Let's meet up at Prince Ali's birthday." Adrien then says, rushing back in the direction of the houseboat as her car arrives. She grips the charm in her hand as she gets inside the car. Just because something isn't a lie does not mean that it isn't deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction.
"Tatsu, take me to the city hall."
OoOoOoOo
Kagami had lied to her mother again. When she arrived at the party without Adrien, her mother had naturally questioned it, as the pair were supposed to arrive together. Kagami claimed Adrien was being interviewed and left to go find him. She took a seat on the steps and waited. And waited, and waited, and waited. She clutched the charm Adrien had dropped in her hands. It was a key chain Lucky charm Adrien had explained Marinette gave him one day. Attached to it is a small plastic compass that she supposed at one point glowed in the dark but after having it as long as he had, no longer really did so. A part of a gift he had gotten from Lucy one year for his birthday.
There was nothing that unsettled her about these gifts or the sentimental value Adrien had to them. He had always been upfront about his friendship with the two girls. But tonight she would use them as an opportunity. As a test. One she really hoped Adrien would pass. From the very beginning, Kagami had only ever wanted one thing from Adrien. His honesty. She needed it more than his friendship, more than his love. If he couldn't provide the bare minimum of what Kagami considered the core foundation of any relationship...then they truly had no future together.
"Kagami!" Adrien called out as he finally arrived. "I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long."
Hiding the charm behind her back, Kagami stood. "And I hope you found what you were looking for."
"Huh?" Strike one.
"Back at the barge."
Adrien smiles nervously. "Uh, the barge right." He says as he gives thumbs up. "Yeah, I found it thank you." Strike two.
"What was it?"
"Oh, you know just that thing, that Lucky Charm that Marinette gave me with the compass attached to it." Adrien attempts to take it out of his pocket to show her but realizes it's not there. "Ah no, did I lose it?!" He pauses and attempts to cover up his accidental admission. "Again…" Strike three.
"You mean this one?" Kagami asks, holding out the charm in her hand.
Adrien opens his mouth but is at a loss for words. He's been caught, and he isn't sure what to do.
"You know, I lied too," Kagami admitted. "I lied to my mother so that we could see each other. I even lied to her when I said you came here with me tonight. I lied at every fencing lesson so we could spend more time together. You see, we're both a couple of liars. Except I lie because I want to be with you." She points at him accusingly. "You lie… because you don't want to be with me."
Adrien outstretches his arm. "Kagami!"
"I asked you for one thing! One thing Adrien! For you to be honest with me. For you to tell me if this is what you wanted. You had every opportunity to tell me it wasn't."
Adrien wanted to say something. Anything that would bring her comfort, but he couldn't find the words.
"Nothing to say? Even when given the opportunity." Kagami remarked. "It's because of her, isn't it? You can't love me because you are too busy pining after her? How's that working out for you by the way?"
Adrien knitted his brows together and shook his head. "Don't. Don't do that."
"Do what? Speak the truth? At least...what I assume the truth is..." Kagami paused. "Because what other reason is there? Hm? What other reason?" Adrien once again remained silent. He couldn't give her the truth. Not the whole one at least.
"Why am I not enough?" Kagami's voice was quiet and dejected and Adrien could feel his heartache at the sound. Maybe she was right. He didn't love her. But he did care about her.
"Kagami I'm-"
"I'll go in first. " She said firmly, turning on her heel and walking inside.
"Sorry..." Adrien finished. He waited, only a few moments before heading inside himself. Unfortunately, when he did, Adrien witnessed Kagami's Akumatization. It was all his fault.
OoOoOoOoOo
Sometimes we must undergo hardships, breakups, and narcissistic wounds, which shatter the flattering image that we had of ourselves, in order to discover two truths: that we are not who we thought we were; and that the loss of a cherished pleasure is not necessarily the loss of true happiness and well-being. After her akumatization, Kagami and Adrien didn't speak again until their next fencing practice. Kagami had planned to be the bigger person. She really had. But once Adrien stood in front of her and their match began, Kagami could feel her anger rise again and before she knew it, she was slamming him into a nearby pillar. She almost didn't stop there but their instructor quickly cut in and scolded her sportsmanship. Now, they sat alone in the locker area, changed and awaiting their rides.
"Kagami, please." Adrien broke the silence. "I never meant to hurt you."
"Your intentions mean little to me right now, Adrien," Kagami replied with an eye roll. "You lied to me, Adrien. Every time we saw each other, you were lying to my face. You came to me, remember? Talking about letting go and moving on. I asked you if you wanted this." Kagami shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. "You didn't say yes outright. That was my mistake for ignoring it. You just went along with it and I figured that maybe, over a little time it wouldn't matter. I did everything I could to be the perfect girl for you. But instead, you're too hung up on Lucy."
Adrien shook his head. Even if there was some truth to her words, it wasn't the whole truth, and he didn't want Kagami to believe that it was. "Kagami, it's not like that."
"Then what is it?" Kagami asked. Her head lifted and turned, her eyes locking with Adrien's. "If your feelings for Lucy aren't what is holding you nack then what is?" Adrien opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He couldn't tell her. He didn't have any excuse.
"And then the other day I in that art room I tried to see you, really see you. And I realized I couldn't."
"Kagami I..."
"I couldn't see you because the only parts of you I am shown are the parts that are just like me. The other day I told you, you were perfect and I see now that that is where I lied. You're not perfect. And neither am I. I tried to be the person you wanted and I tried to make you the person I wanted. That's on me."
"I'm really sorry I hurt you Kagami." Adrien apologized again. "You know, all those wonderful times we had together… they weren't lies."
"Kagami nodded stiffly, bringing her head back down. "I know. I know that you're hiding something. I thought we had come to an understanding about our feelings but clearly, I was wrong. But I also know that there is sincerity in you too."
"Then, can't you forgive me?" Adrien asks. "Can't we be friends?"
I can't forgive you," Kagami said, very quietly. "Not yet."
"But why? Why can't things go back to how they were?"
"It was because, even if I know better now, in my heart you were the love of my life, Adrien. And you didn't want to be. That's hard to let go."
Adrien didn't respond as Kagami then handed him back the lucky charm key chain she still had in her possession. The sound of her phone buzzing grabbed her attention. She stood from the bench and slipped her bag onto her shoulder.
"I don't think we should see each other for a while. Outside of practice that is." Once again, Adrien said nothing and Kagami quietly made her way to the doorway. Before exiting, she paused, turning back slightly, glancing over her shoulder to look at Adrien who sat with his head hung low.
"And Adrien?" At the sound of his name, Adrien raised his head and looked back at Kagami. Her face was stone and he could tell she was biting the inside of her cheek. "I know you keep saying that Lucy has nothing to do with your detached behavior, and I'm not the fool you have mistaken me for."
"Kagami, I never-" Kagami lifted up her hand to silence him.
"I. Am not. The fool. You have. Mistaken me for." She repeated more sternly than the first time. "I can't see you, Adrien." She then went softly. "But she can." Adrien closed his eyes and rubbed his face in exhaustion. Kagami, if possible, seemed to narrow her eyes even more at him.
"So a little advice from one ex to another. Get your head out of your ass."
Adrien's eye widened slightly at Kagami's words as she then went on her way. Adrien let out a sigh and closed his eyes, feeling his eyebrow twitch.
"Shut up Plagg."
Plagg, who had floated himself beside Adrien with tightened lips and an expression that resembled that of someone holding their breath, let out a hardy laugh.
"I didn't even say anything yet!" He hollered, earning a side glance of annoyance from his owner. Adrien then shook his head and hung it low again, letting out a sigh. A few more moments of silence seemed to pass until...
"Heh...get your head out of your ass...heh heh."
Adrien groaned.
Alrighty. A slightly shorter chapter than average at just shy of 7,000 but not too bad. I wish I was better at keeping an update schedule but what can ya do? I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please remember to heart, and vote and like, and all that jazz as well as comment and let me know what you think! It seems like there is less activity in that area these days, unfortunately. Lmao, maybe this story is just so long and slow burny that no one cares anymore. As always I will see you in the next chapter! Some of you at least! Chow for now!
