I haven't wrote in a while. Of course, I've had two years of University. You can probably tell that my writing has improved, and this chapter is pretty long to boot. WARNING: This chapter has a lot of angst. The ending is up to your interpretation. Anyway, enjoy!


My first memory was from when I was five years old, so the gaps from before then filled in. I actually did have a past life, and it was from nearly 290 years ago. I was born in Berwick when it was still a colonial village. I had a Mom and a Dad as well as a grandmother, at least for a little bit. I remember being sad when she died, but it was a passing memory for I was very little. My first precious memory was when I was five, and my little sister was born.

Her name was Alice; she was named after my grandmother. I remember holding her. I sang a little song to her:

For when the baby cries, out will come a lullaby,

To sweetly lull the babe to sleep,

A shining smile and dreams so deep

So the babe won't make a peep

For when the scary night does creep.

Safely shall the babe lie here,

Sleeping sweet, not shed a tear

While I sing out my story clear

To keep bad dreams far, not near.

Bless us, this baby, Fairy King,

Listen to the song I sing,

While your fairies dance round and round,

Keep this baby safe and sound.

I made up the song myself. I thought it was better than all those other lullabies which talked about mortal peril.


My next memory was sad, but for some reason it was special to me: my father died. He was sick with something, I don't remember what. I was eight; he was on his death-bed and I had a final conversation with him.

"Daddy," I said crying. "Please get better, please don't go away."

"Ema," he said caressing me. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Mommy said," I said sniffling, "you might die."

"That's what she told you, oh Ema. She might die, but I have a feeling that I'll keep on living."

"How come?"

"Ema, what's important is that you have fun with what life has to give you and stay happy, no matter how, no matter what you have to do."

"How can you be happy if you're dead?"

"Ema, I'm happy as long as you and your sister are, and that sort of happiness can give someone immortality."

"So you won't die?" I asked hopefully.

"Not really," he said smiling. "I'm just going to take a really long nap, and have very sweet dreams. Unfortunately, I won't be able to play with you anymore or help out anyone else."

"Then why sleep at all?"

"Think of it as a reward, Ema," he said blissfully. "When life is hard on you, but you've done good anyway, you get good dreams in order to cancel out the bad things that have happened to you."

"What about nightmares?"

"That's just the nightmare king and all his evils, trying to sour everyone's mood, make them dull and depressing. Will you stay happy for me while I'm sleeping, Ema?"

"I can't be if he could get you."

"Ema, I'm not really falling asleep."

"You said you were."

"Well I am, but I'm also not; the nightmare king can't get me where I'm going."

"Where are you going?"

"Let's just say…it's where I can control my dreams. If anything, I'll be watching out for you, and Alice, and also your mom."

"What do you mean?"

"Use your imagination, Ema; you're a clever girl, you'll figure everything out and best of all, you'll be able to handle it. You're my daughter; you'll be capable of amazing things someday. I believe in you, Ema."

"I'll do my best, Daddy! I'll watch out for everyone and keep them smiling," I saluted.

"That's a good girl," he ruffled my hair. I hugged him crying, and he kissed me one last time.

That little liar; I guess now I know where I get it from, as well as the origin of my philosophy, as warped as it is.


My dad had his funeral. I tried telling them Dad was just sleeping, but they wouldn't listen. So I decided to believe that since Dad was happy he was immortal, no matter what happened to him. Alice was really upset, so I had to step into my role. I told her what I believed, but I had to elaborate since Dad was vague.

"Where is Daddy?" she cried after I told her he wasn't really gone but at the same time he was.

"Daddy is…in a very happy and good place: Fairyland."

"Fairyland?"

"Yes, he got put into a mystical slumber to take him away from worldly affairs, but now he can serve a greater purpose."

"Why would they take him from us? Why?"

"Because…it wasn't the good fairies that did that, no, you see it was evil fairies that put him to sleep."

"Evil fairies?"

"Yep, but the good fairies saved him. So he's sleeping, but he's also awake. He's controlling his dreams, and in doing so; he can fight the evil fairies and keep us safe."

"They might go after us?" She was fearful.

"No, Dad's protecting us."

"But he's sleeping, what if they get past him?"

"Well…if we ever do run into them, I'll protect you."

"You will?"

"Yeah, I took over after dad left, he left me in charge. The evil fairies went after him because he was supposed to protect us; he left the secret mission of protecting this family to me before they got him. I will not let him down. I'll protect you, don't worry." I hugged her, knowing I had made up everything, but at least she was happy.

That must have been the first lie I ever told, I think. I'm not ashamed, but I think I know who was. After that, I would keep building on my lie to keep my sister happy. We would play around with the make believe concept, bouncing ideas off of each other. My mother wasn't a happy camper when it came to that. Maybe that's what he meant by saying she would die, she was no fun anymore.


"Tell me about Grandma," she asked me once.

"She was a lovely woman, you were named after her," I told her.

"Really, why?" From the look in her eyes I could tell she wanted to know how Grandma connected to the fairies, and what this might mean for her.

"The Fairies adored her; so much so, they considered her a queen-like figure. The evil fairies knew about Grandma, and didn't like how the good fairies were spoiling her and kneeling to her. She was given special rights, saying when her time was done on this earth or if any harm were to befall her, she shall not suffer, but instead arrive in Fairyland, to rule it and the fairies in their days of glory. The evil fairies hated this. They wanted Fairyland for themselves, and instead it was getting passed to a lowly human. They planned to target Grandma and teach those good fairies a lesson they wouldn't forget. Grandma knew they would get her eventually, so she decided to secure an heir. When her second granddaughter was born, she said, 'this little girl is so perfect, she shall succeed me, and she shall be marked by my name, Alice.'" I poked her nose.

"I'm an heir to a fairy kingdom."

"Don't be so surprised, you match Grandma's personality in niceness if not more. Unfortunately, the evil fairies did get Grandma, right before she left Dad in charge of protecting us, before he met a similar fate."

"But she didn't suffer, she went to Fairyland, and became their queen. The evil fairies must have been so frustrated, the good fairies won again!" she had a huge smile on her face.

"Of course they did, good will always beat evil. That's why nothing will be able to hurt you, not on my watch, not on this protector's watch."

"Ema," said Mom who had come in. "Can I talk to you?"

"What's wrong with Mom?" asked Alice.

"Must've saw some evil fairies, I have to take care of it and then I'll be right back."

"Ema, you don't have any weapons, don't go out there on your own."

"Of course I have weapons; I just have to go get them." I nuzzled her. "I'll be right back."

With that I left to talk to mom in the other room.

"What is it Mom?"

"I'm a bit concerned for you and what you've been doing."

"It's alright Mom, I already did my chores." That was a lie.

"Not that; what you've been telling Alice is what is concerning me."

"Alice?" I knew what she was talking about, but I wanted to dodge the subject. "Telling her I have weapons? If it makes you feel better, I'll tell her that they're only lethal to fairies and you should never hurt a human being."

"Could you stop telling her about fairies at all and tell her the truth?"

"It is the truth, Mom."

"No it's not; you are filling her head with lies."

"It is the truth that she's a wonderful girl and fairies would love her."

"You know nothing about fairies. This is all just a fabrication to cope with things that displease you."

"It's not just that, I mean I didn't even know Grandma."

"You can't rewrite reality into what you want it to be."

"I'm not rewriting it, but I can still make it seem different. What's important is that we're happy, right?"

"What's important is that we realize that good doesn't always win, and happiness isn't always available."

"How can you expect me to teach Alice that? She's just a little girl."

"A little girl who believes everything you say. You tell her she's safe and that you're her protector, what if she throws herself into danger. There are evil forces influencing everything bad in this world, what if she starts to think I'm a villain because of what you tell her."

"I would never do that to you, Mom. I would never put Alice through that. I'm looking out for her in my own way. You do what you think is right, but I won't stop doing what I think is right."

I returned to Alice.

"How was the fight?" she said.

"I was not unscathed, but I'm okay."

"Where does it hurt, where did they get you?"

"Mostly around here," I put my hands on my heart. Alice put her hands there looking determined.

"Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah, I do now."

"I knew it! Since I'm a fairy heir, I have magic powers."

"Of course you do, that's why the evil fairies want to get you. Still, what you can do is limited. The fairies haven't unlocked your powers. Still, you can heal me, and give me strength to fight the fight that needs to be fought."

"Speaking of, what were your weapons like and why can't I see them."

"They can only be drawn in the presence of evil fairies and I don't want you near those nasty fairies." Alice looked sad. "What do you think my weapons look like?"

"I think you have a bow and arrow, to shoot them before they even get near; or maybe you have a sword, a powerful sword to strike them down in one blow." I laughed.

"I can't lift a sword."

"It'd be a magic sword."

"Very perceptive, Alice. Who knew you were such a good guesser; there's no fooling you."

"A shining sword…with…gleaming gemstones in the hilt!"

"It is very beautiful as it powerful. I usually use my dagger, just as lethal to fairies, but not harmful to humans, it likes humans; or what about a whip to the beasts that they throw at me?"

"You face beasts!"

"I can handle them; I mean I know you're fine, so they're no sweat."


My mother wasn't the shiniest person you could meet or even that fun; she was still grieving Dad. We had to earn money somehow. Mom handled the first few years, but then got injured. Then I volunteered, despite being so young. I changed my dress into pants, and went to work in the fields. Problem was, my mind liked to wander while I worked. Other than that, Alice missed me too much.

One day I was drawing in the dirt with my sickle, of me fighting off hordes of evil, saving the town and making it a great place to live. Alice came to visit me.

"Ema," said Alice. "What are you doing?"

"Hey Alice," she came close and knelt next to me. "I was just thinking my feats of bravery have to be recorded somehow, so I'm starting now."

"Wow, you look so brave."

"I'm just doing what I have to."

"You're fighting all alone…I want to help you. Let me protect you for once."

"That's sweet, Alice, but if you fought for me, I wouldn't have a job. You just let me handle things, okay."

"You're out here all the time. What if they get past you while you're here? I should know how to fight."

"You're charmed, remember? You'll be fine. Besides, I am fighting them out here."

"You are?"

"Yep," I pointed my sickle to the grains. "You see these grains? The evil fairies try to take us out through our food. I have to make sure the food is safe to eat by cutting out the magic and hidden fairies with this enchanted sickle."

"That's an ordinary sickle."

"Not when I use it. I'm charmed too, that's how I can protect you."

"How do you know all this stuff?"

"I'm your protector, I have to know."

"So can you protect yourself from injuries like Mom got?" I put my sickle down, and held her shoulders.

"Mom got hurt, because she's not charmed. The evil fairies saw her as a target and attacked. That's why I should have taken this job earlier. It's no laughing matter, but I should be better suited than Mom. Of course, if I am to get back to work, you have to leave; I worry about you too much. Go on, I'll see back at the house." As she left, one of the guys in charge approached me. I quickly erased my drawing in the dirt.

"Why didn't you send her away earlier?"

"She loves me too much. I had to promise three bedtime stories and half my dinner before she would go away, right after I told her it was dangerous and to never come back."

"Why do I expect you to be telling me the truth right now? You probably weren't even working before she got here, were you?"

"I was working; really hard if you must know."

"On what, stories?"

"Art; I had a brilliant idea, but I was too busy cleaving."

"Why don't I see any bundles?"

"They're waaaaay over there."

"Why did we even take you on?"

"My mom's injured."

"That doesn't give you the excuse to goof off or play with your sister here."

"I'm just a kid, give me a break."

"A kid who's old enough to know what needs to be done, a kid who should be responsible;"

"I am responsible, plenty responsible."

"No, you're-just-a kid-whose-mind-likes-to wander," he said poking me to the ground with each word. "You pretend you're in Fairyland for crying out loud!"

"No, I'm in the real world; it's just better in the way I perceive it."

"Go ahead and live in your illusions, the work won't get done."

"I'll do it; we'll have plenty of bread this winter; as well as other things."

"No thanks to you," he said. As he walked off, he gave me another warning. "Your family is on hard times, but if you don't take this seriously, you'll have to make it without money. Go ahead and do what you think you can, just don't make it harder for anyone else."

"I am capable," I said to no one in particular, as I started to cry.

Why are these the important memories of my childhood? I thought they'd be happier. I guess that memory stems my distaste for adults, as well as my mom being a grouch. I'm feeling sorry for past me, but I can still see myself as what I was portrayed in the memories. Being shoved into roles, being doubted, that hasn't changed. At least I was true to myself. If only my mom didn't want me to change so much.


"Did you have another argument with them?" she asked one time when I came home.

"No, Mom." That was a lie. She knew that.

"Can't you take a break from your lies in the field, just so we won't go without money?"

"I wasn't lying, I was fantasizing; there's a difference."

"Whatever you call it, can't you stop for a little bit?"

"You don't want me to do it here, they don't want me to do it there; you're acting as if I'm committing an atrocity. There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing, nobody's getting hurt. If anything I'm protecting Alice from the harshness of reality, and when she tells her friends I'm protecting them as well."

"Ema, I'm just looking out for the two of you. The world won't take you as you are, not when you become an adult."

"Then I don't want to be an adult, I could be responsible and have fun while doing it, but you won't let me."

"Ema-"

"You think I don't know the world that's around me, but if I'm lying like you say I am then I have to know. You don't want me to be like Dad, you want me to mope like you are doing."

"Ema, listen to me-"

"There's nothing left to say, I've heard it all before."

I had a rough relationship with my mom. Still, did she have to be so down all the time? She was being so immature, trying to make everyone feel what she felt.


"Ema," said Alice, she was crying.

"What is it Alice?"

"There is no Fairyland is there?"

"Of course there's a Fairyland; where would you get that idea?"

"Mom told me all you do is lie."

"She's been misperceived. She must have eaten some bread the fairies got too, to try to squash your belief in me and them."

"Stop it, Ema! She said you do face problems at work, you just don't tell anyone."

"Alice-"

"You said you were fine!"

"The thing is Alice…the fairies have done more damage than I thought. They've gotten to the people in the field and also in town; they've turned them against me, making my fight a lot harder. If I portray myself as someone who hasn't been defeated then they would believe they haven't won yet, and then I can keep going for another day."

"You're doing this to protect everyone?"

"If everyone believes that they're safe, it helps a lot."

"So do you lie all the time?"

"Not all the time…just a lot. I would never tell you anything just to upset you."

"Okay, Ema, I believe you."

That hurt me; Mom went behind my back. She could do whatever she wanted to me, just not Alice.


"Mom," I said coldly.

"Ema?" Mom looked surprised, or maybe shocked.

"How could you say that to her?"

"I want her to be smart, Ema."

"You want her not to have any fun? You want her to grow up fast, like you made me do? You want her to not have any trust in me?!"

"Ema, no, I just-"

"SHUT UP, MOM! JUST SHUT UP! I'm tired of hearing it." I ran out crying.

"EMA, WAIT!" I heard. I ran into the nearest sparse of trees.


I sat there for a while, crying. Wow, are all my memories going to be this sad. Alice came and found me after a bit.

"Ema," she said poking my shoulder from behind, startling me.

"Alice! When did you get here? How?"

"Just now, I followed you."

"Why are you here?"

"Mommy says she's sorry."

"Is she?"

"She's scared."

"She never understood me Alice, even before Dad…left."

"Please come back," she begged me while hugging me.

"I'll just yell at her again."

"Please," she said looking desperate.

"I can't say no to that." I smiled. I realized that despite everything I went through, Alice shouldn't have to go through it.


"Ema," Mom said as I came back. She came up and hugged me. "Don't run off like that, I was scared something would happen to you."

"Why send Alice after me?"

"I knew that if anyone could convince you to come back it would be Alice." Mom was crying.

"She is pretty magical, isn't she?" Alice was smiling.

"Ema, I just don't know what to do anymore. Your father always supported me, made it easier, I could solve whatever problem I faced with him. He inspired me. I felt it would be better to move past him, because I could not be him. Now I feel hated because of it."

"We don't hate you, Mom," I told her.

"We love you," said Alice.

"You're just stuck, and don't know what to do."

"Ema can help you, I can too; we'll show those evil fairies they can't beat us!"

"Ema, it seems you can handle this better than I can," said Mom.

"You're giving me too much credit; I just want to help you," I told her. I did mainly believe her though.

"You're keeping us safe," said Alice.

"You just…do what you can for us, Ema. I promise I will try to be better," said Mom.

"I'll take you up on that," I said getting teary eyed. We all hugged.


Later that night:

"You saved us, Ema," said Alice sleepily.

"What?" I said as I tucked her in.

"You drove off the influence they had on Mom."

"That was all you. If it wasn't for you, I would have stayed mad at her. You're the most important thing holding this family together. That's why they're after you, and that's why I won't let them get you."

"You know what to do, you always do," she yawned.

"Thanks Alice," I said before heading to bed.

That was sweet. It's nice to know all that hardship payed off. Unfortunately, life doesn't like to work like that.


"You two need to stay warm," said Mom, securing a shawl on me.

"Can't I have something wrapped all around my body?" I asked.

"Something like that hasn't been invented yet."

"But isn't there a blizzard coming?"

"That is why you two have to be fast."

"I could do it myself, Mom, Alice doesn't have to come with me."

"I believe she does. If any of us can convince people to share their roots with us, it will be her."

"Root stew, why can't we have something heartier."

"It's not 'Root stew,' roots are a main ingredient though. Tubers are filler food; they will tide us over for a while."

"But I know the place in the forest where to get the tubers."

"You will not be going out longer than you have to be, and you will not go in the forest. Come back soon, alright."

"Don't worry, Mommy, we'll be okay," said Alice.

"Yeah, no worries, Mom," I said to her. We hugged and then we set off.


Half way down the path, I took a detour.

"Where are you going?" said Alice. "Town is this way."

"No one will give us any, not if I'm with you."

"No one's that cruel, we'll tell them it's for Mom."

"Trust me; this is better, especially where you're involved."

"It's scary in there."

"I know where to go. I'll get the roots, maybe some spices so we can enjoy our meal, and then I'll be right back." I headed off into the woods. Alice followed me.

"Ema, don't leave me alone."

That was dumb. Mom told you not to, what were you thinking past me?! Of course I'm a rebel without a cause.


We did find the patch, there was only a little bit there though.

"We should have just gone to town," said Alice.

"It's better than nothing," I told her. "We should get home, it's getting colder."

As we turned to leave, we noticed some glowing eyes in the dark.

"Ema, I'm scared." She moved closer to me.

"It's probably nothing." As we continued forward, we started to hear growling. I was pretty sure they were wolves. I knew how wolves hunted. "Alice, run and don't stop." Alice ran and the wolves made their move. I quickly ran a little up the tree and threw my weight onto one the branches, snapping it off. I flung it at the wolves, the one chasing my sister I hit on the head which knocked it unconscious, the ones approaching me I smacked around, and I threatened the rest. The wolves knew I was young and restless, I've barely fought before; they also knew I was outnumbered and overpowered. My only option, I threw the branch at the leading wolves, and ran as fast as I could in Alice's direction.

That branch came from the tree where I got my bow. I tripped on some loose tree roots as I ran and my boots got caught. I quickly took them off, and continued running. As I ran I realized that was a dumb move, for now the wolves had an easier way to track me. My sister was calling out for me, I ran in the direction of her voice.

As I found her, I startled her but she was quickly relieved.

"Alice, why'd you stop?"

"I'm at a river, I heard rivers get rid of smell."

"Alice you have to go in the river for that to work."

"But it's too cold." We were caught between a rock and a hard place. I was kicking myself seeing as it was my fault we were there; dead if we do and dead if we don't.

"Alice, jump on my back."

"Why-"

"Do it now!"

Alice jumped hearing the wolves behind us. I ran as fast as I could through the water. Boy was it icy cold, and I wasn't wearing shoes. As I ran it got deeper, but my scent was washing away. Alice got a little wet herself, but not as wet as I got. When we left that river, everything except my head was soaking wet. Luckily, Alice's legs were the only part of her that got drenched.

We had to hide, so I ran a bit further and found a path. Along that path was a tree with a giant knothole within it, my tree. I set Alice down inside it, found a large chunk of bark, and used it to cover the hole we hid inside. There was still some light, so I used that time to get Alice warmed up. I took off her shawl and used it to dry her legs off, and then after that I wrapped her in my shawl.

"Won't you get cold?"

"I'll be fine, that dip was actually kind of refreshing." That was a lie.


The blizzard picked up while we were in there.

"Well the wolves are gone, but I don't think we can go home for a while," I told Alice.

"I'm scared Ema," she said.

"I know," I told her. "I'm sorry, Alice."

"Why'd this have to happen for us; poor Mommy must be scared too."

"Yeah, she must be," I said. "If it wasn't for those darn evil fairies we'd be home by now."

"Ema, what are you talking about?"

"Those evil fairies sent wolves after us. They tried to attack us when we were exposed. Still, they didn't win. Of course, we wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for me. I pretty much gave them to you on a silver platter. I must have had some bad bread."

"You didn't though."

"I didn't," I was starting to shake.

"Don't cry, Ema. You weren't influenced by them, or you wouldn't have saved me, you would have let them get me."

"Thanks Alice, I needed to hear that." I wasn't crying though.


We stayed for a while. We were going to have to stay the night. Alice's shawl should have been dry, so I put that on her as well.

"That's cold."

"T-t-trust me Alice; it's better to hav-v-ve it than to n-not have it."

"Why don't you wear one?"

"I rather y-you stay warm."

"Aren't you cold?"

"I'm f-f-fine, just n-nervous." Alice tried to cuddle up next to me. I didn't have that much heat to give. I pushed her away, knocking away the cover momentarily. I frustratingly pulled it back as I got hit with a shock of cold air.

"Can't I help you? I could heal you."

"If you heal me, I-I'm jus-t g-going to g-get sl-sl-sleepy and I ne-ed to st-ay on w-watch in c-case the e-e-vil f-fairies get the j-jump on us." In reality, I was silently praying for Alice to make it through the night.


A little while later, I was resigned to my fate.

"Alice," I told her. "I have to t-tell you s-something."

"What is it?"

"I won't be coming…home with you."

"Why? Why! Why won't you be coming home?"

"It's okay," I said grabbing her shoulder.

"Ema, you're freezing!" I immediately let go.

"I just…realized that…in order to k-keep you safe, I c-can't d-do it here. I have t-to leave, s-so…g-go home with-without me, o-okay?"

"Ema, are you lying?"

"N-no, of c-c-course n-not."

"You are; you always lie. Don't lie to me, please. What's going to happen?"

"The t-t-truth is, I ha-have to st-step up as-as y-your pr-protector. It's my j-job w-which I ha-have to be serious ab-bout."

"Why do you have to leave?" she was crying. This is something I couldn't lie to fix.

"Y-your b-big s-sis-ter is go-going to fight the-the d-d-dar-k-ness at its sssource. M-make this w-world a b-better place t-to li-live in. It will b-b-be g-great. D-don't tell M-mom w-where I am or w-what I'm doing, please; s-she w-will t-try to st-stop me."

"We don't want you to go."

"I w-won't l-leave ri-right away. I might sleep in a little. Don't w-w-wait for m-me t-to w-wake up; j-just go home, o-okay?"

"Don't leave us, Ema, please!"

"I ha-have to."

"No, what will we do without you?"

"You'll be fine, just…use…your imagination. You'll…think of something." I managed to say that without stammering.

"I'll try."

"You won't try, you'll succeed, because you are my sister, and you are capable of anything you set your mind to. Know that I love you, wherever I may go, and no matter happens to me. I love mom too." I didn't feel so cold anymore.

"I love you too, Ema. I'll miss you. You go fight that darkness and beat it."

"Thank you, Alice. I will do just that." With that she fell asleep, and she cuddled up next to me. Surprisingly, she didn't flinch away. I held her protectively. I looked outside, the blizzard was clearing up, and I saw the moon, shining so brightly. It was so comforting I fell asleep.

During the course of my sleep, my hair and my eyes changed to match the tree I was in. When I woke up, I was no longer Ema Craw: I was Ema Craw Fay. I was Ema Fay.


How was that? It seems there are a lot of psychological connections thrown in. I'm also still being vague about her age, because that's up to your interpretation as well. Tell me your thoughts in your reviews. See you again, I hope!