'Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Warning: Language

Chapter 39 – Confession & Consequences

"String-mint floss."

The portrait swung to and Sirius climbed into the Gryffindor common room with a heavy heart. It was well after ten o'clock and, even though it was Friday and there were no classes in the morning, there were few students lounging about. A quick scan of the room showed that James and Peter were nowhere to be found and it was with some trepidation that Sirius climbed the staircase to the dormitory. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

James was lying on the top of his bed, reading the latest issue of Quidditch monthly. Peter's bed curtains were closed; Sirius presumed that he was behind them, asleep or perhaps deciding he'd had enough of Sirius for one day. Peter's attitude didn't concern him at the moment.

"James," Sirius greeted his friend as he walked over to his own bed and sat down heavily.

"You're not packing, so I reckon Dumbledore didn't expel you," was the response.

Ah. Still furious, I see. The punch didn't do more than take the edge off. "No, he didn't expel me," Sirius confirmed. He offered nothing further, perversely needing to see if James was intent on ignoring him for the rest of the night and not certain what he would do if that was the case.

James maintained the appearance of silent indifference for awhile, fixing his gaze on his magazine. Sirius chanced a look in his direction and was gratified to see that James had been staring at the same spot on the page for awhile. Good. Maybe he's not completely oblivious to me.

"So?" James asked, looking over the top of the magazine.

"Gryffindor lost 100 points," Sirius began, stopping when James groaned at the news. "And I'm off the Quidditch team for the rest of this year and next year, as well."

James' eyebrows shot up to his hairline at this comment. "Merlin, Sirius. Gideon Prewett is going to have a cow when he hears! And McGonagall …I don't even want to think about what she'll be like." He looked back at the other boy. "Is that it? Because I think those punishments are worse for Gryffindor than for you."

Sirius' mouth fell open. "Worse for Gryffindor? How can you say that? You know how much I love Quidditch!"

James was forced to nod. "I know, I know; but even though you don't get to play, it's going to impact whether or not we win. That – and the loss of points – hurts the whole House!"

Sirius felt the prickle of irritability settle over him. "Well, James, he wasn't quite finished with me after the "no Quidditch" consequence. You'll be happy to here that there's one more."

James picked up his magazine again and began flipping pages. "Yeah? And what's that, Sirius? All of Gryffindor gets detention with Slughorn? Scrubbing cauldrons by hand – no magic?"

"I have to tell Remus what happened. I have to tell him what I've done," Sirius' voice was low, quiet and resigned.

James dropped the magazine onto his lap. "You have to what?"

"I'm guessing you think that's appropriately, singularly personal," Sirius couldn't help the sarcastic comment. James' anger was justified; Merlin knew Sirius was angry at himself, as well. It was the abject hostility that stung. "Dumbledore is going to send word when Remus is allowed visitors and I have to go and tell him what happened tonight; what I did to Snape. What I did to him."

James continued to gawk at him, expression incredulous. "You have to tell him? Blimey, Sirius."

"I figured that'd impress you," Sirius said then he looked over at his friend once again. "Yeah, I have to tell him."

"What are you going to say?"

"No idea. I suppose as much as he lets me say; sort of like telling you, really," Sirius said.

"Don't you dare have the stones to sit there and try to make me feel bad because I wouldn't listen to you," James said. "It won't work."

"I didn't expect it to," Sirius said, rising. "I'm going down to the Common Room to wait for Dumbledore's message. I can actually be alone there instead of just feeling alone up here." He paused at the door but didn't turn around. "You know something, Jamie? I know I fucked up, ok? I know I did. I thought you were my friend. I thought that no matter how stupid I was, no matter what kind of idiot thing I might do, that even if you were mad at me, you'd still be my friend."

"I'm Remus' friend, too," came the quiet reply.

Sirius felt his throat begin to close. "Based on everything I've heard from you tonight, you're Remus' friend – period."

James looked over to reply, but Sirius was gone.

XXXXXXXX

As it turned out, Sirius fell into a fitful sleep stretched out on the sofa and never heard a thing until dawn. Repeated throat clearing, followed by a firm shake to his shoulder brought him around and he opened his eyes to see a dark green hem inches from his nose. Craning his head upward, Sirius encountered the stern countenance of his Head of House, Professor McGonagall. He was fully awake immediately. He knew why she had come.

"Remus is awake," he said, struggling to his feet as his back muscles twinged in evidence of the night spent on the floor.

"No, Mr. Black, he is not awake. Mr. Lupin sustained quite extensive injuries last night and Madam Pomfrey has given him a strong sleeping drought. He may not be awake until later this evening or tomorrow morning," McGonagall advised him. "Professor Dumbledore suggests that you remain inside; someone will come for you when he awakens and can have visitors."

"How badly is he hurt? Will he be all right?" Sirius' face had paled and his blue eyes were suspiciously bright. "Pomfrey must have told you something, Professor; you're his Head of House. Please."

McGonagall's face softened. "Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin's wounds have been healed, but he lost a great deal of blood and sustained several broken bones. Madam Pomfrey has mended his bones, as well and given him blood replenishing potions. He needs to sleep to finish the healing process. Madam Pomfrey has seen to it that he will get the rest he needs to do so." She reached over and squeezed his shoulder again. "You needn't worry. Mr. Lupin will be fine."

Sirius nodded. "Thank you, Professor." He met her gaze. "You know what I have to do, don't you?"

"Yes, Mr. Black; Professor Dumbledore has told me of the punishments that have been decided for you. I must say that I am extremely disappointed in the recklessness of your behavior regarding Mr. Lupin and, of course, Mr. Snape. Your behavior reflects poorly on our House, Mr. Black, and has penalized all of us with both the loss of a significant number of points as well as your services on the Quidditch team."

Sirius nodded. Her quiet voice and the disappointment in her tone struck him keenly. "I'm sorry, Professor."

"I'm sure you are, Mr. Black, but that doesn't change the fact of things, does it? This will be a very difficult conversation for you both. You will need to be prepared for any reaction; you realize this?"

"Yes, Professor," he replied.

"Go down to breakfast, Mr. Black then perhaps you can do some studying for O.W.L.s, yes?"

Privately, Sirius thought it ludicrous that she was asking him to study whilst waiting for the summons to go and tell Remus the absolute worst news he could ever tell him. He was sure that his powers of concentration weren't nearly that acute.

Sirius waited until McGonagall had left the Common Room before going up to the dormitory, pulling out some clean clothing and heading for the showers. He had no interest in seeing any of his friends who would also be heading into the Great Hall for breakfast. He had no appetite anyway, so it made sense to just hit the showers and figure out what to do afterward once he was finished.

As he stood in the shower, letting the hot water rush over his body, Sirius thought back to the conversation with McGonagall. Remus must have been hurt quite badly for Pomfrey to give him a sleeping draught. Of course, Moony didn't hurt Remus that badly anymore; not since they'd given him his own "pack" to run with each full moon. Without them, and after having seen Snape, the wolf must have turned on Remus with a vengeance last night. 'You will need to be prepared for any reaction…' McGonagall's words burned through his mind. He understood the need; he just didn't understand how he could ever prepare.

Twenty minutes later, showered and dressed in clean robes, Sirius grabbed his wand and went down the stairs, through the Common Room and out the portrait hole. He would stay indoors as he promised McGonagall, but the Common Room walls were beginning to close in around him and he felt the need to put as much distance between himself and Gryffindor Tower as he could. He decided to walk through the school corridors and consider the words he would use to explain to Remus why the full moon had been so difficult for him.

Sirius traveled through the castle for hours, stumbling upon corridors and rooms he'd never seen before. Past portraits of long-dead historical figures, animals and pastoral landscapes Sirius walked without awareness of where he was headed, truly wandering without conscious destination. So absorbed in his own thoughts was he that Sirius never saw Dumbledore until he'd walked right into the man.

"Professor! I didn't see you there, I'm sorry," he apologized, shoving his hands into the pockets of his robes. "I was … thinking."

"An admirable pursuit, Mr. Black," the Headmaster replied. "This must be an act of providence; I was coming to collect you. Mr. Lupin has awakened and Madam Pomfrey has judged him fit for visitors. You will be the first to see him; you can go right in." Dumbledore gestured to the large oak door to his left. Subconsciously, Sirius apparently had set a destination: the hospital wing.

He paled and looked at Dumbledore beseechingly. "I don't even know where to start," he whispered, realizing that despite the hours he'd spent alone with his thoughts, he was no closer to knowing what he would say to his friend now that Remus was awake and judged well enough to see him.

Dumbledore grasped his shoulders gently but with purpose and turned him to face the door. "Your life at home has not been an easy one, yet you have harnessed all of the courage you possess and you have survived it. You will survive this, as well. Now, go and speak with Mr. Lupin. You must put this part behind you before you can move forward." He released the young man and took a step backward.

Sirius squared his shoulders and walked up to the doors. Grasping the handle firmly, he took a deep breath, pushed the door open and walked into what he knew would be one of the defining moments of his young life.

Once the boy had disappeared, Dumbledore sighed and sat down on the bench across from the entrance to the hospital wing. Folding his hands in his lap, he fixed his gaze on the door and settled in to await the outcome.

XXXXXXXX

The hospital wing was lit more dimly than was usual and all the beds – save one – were empty. The bed that was typically given to Remus Lupin was situated in the far corner of the wing – the corner that featured a large window overlooking the grounds and the Black Lake. It was removed from the rest of the wing, close to Madam Pomfrey's office and could be made more private by the use of a large privacy screen.

As he walked across the flagstone floor of the hospital wing, Sirius kept his eyes firmly fixed on the figure propped up on pillows, resting on the bed. Drawing closer, he could see the dark rings that typically circled Remus' eyes for a couple of days after each transformation. Were they really darker than usual, or did Sirius' guilt cause him to see his friend's condition as worse than it really was?

"Sirius?" Remus' hoarse voice floated weakly toward him and he turned his face in Sirius' direction.

Sirius quickened his pace and fixed what he hoped was a natural looking smile on his face. "Yeah, Moony, it's me." He passed a bed that had a guest chair next to it and thought momentarily about bringing it with him to Remus' bed. Sirius abandoned the idea almost the moment he recognized it; who knew how long Remus would allow him to stay.

As he drew level with his friend, Sirius noted the newly healed wounds on his pale hands, arms and two particularly painful looking slashes that began at the base of his throat and continued beyond the neck of the hospital robes he wore. He realized now what he had not thought of when he was giving Snape directions to the tunnel: Sirius was responsible for any wounds Remus sustained during this full moon. I put them there; every one of them. Remus' face blurred as tears filled Sirius' eyes. He busied himself with pouring Remus a glass of water from the pitcher on his bedside table, blinking rapidly to clear his vision.

"Here," he said, turning back to his friend. "Let me help you with this." While I can. While you still let me do anything with you. Sirius placed the cup between Remus hands and helped him hold it steady as he drank.

"Thank you," Remus said when he'd finished. "Did you find a way to earn extra House points doing medi-witch work for Madam Pomfrey?" He wore his usual kind smile and his eyes were filled with warm affection for his friend.

Sirius shook his head, incapable of speech for a moment.

"Padfoot, you three must have gotten to the shack after I'd transformed last night. The wolf – well, this morning, when I transformed back, the wolf had been particularly vicious. Do you know what happened? I'm assuming that you three couldn't handle me last night and left…"

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Remus shook his head and reached for Sirius' arm; the other boy pulled it back as if Remus' touch had burned him. "Sirius, what's wrong? You don't have to apologize. You know I've said from the start that if the wolf was unusually difficult on any given full, you three should abandon it straight away and go back to the tower. I never want you hurt – or worse. I never want that for anyone."

"I know, Remus; you'd never want anyone to go through what you do every month. You're so careful," Sirius said quietly. He thought of Dumbledore's talk of courage and survival and he wondered if perhaps Grimmauld Place and the fight to survive had sapped him of both. Sirius knew what he had to do but he doubted his ability to survive it.

"I know what happened last night, Remus," he began. "We never got there last night. James and Peter had detention and I was supposed to wait for them – with the cloak – at the base of the Willow."

"Were they delayed?"

"No, I was. Remus – someone else found their way into the tunnel last night."

Remus gasped audibly. "Someone … who?"

"Snape."

"Snape? Sirius, how did he even know…?"

Just do it; get it over with. You can't leave him hanging like this. Look at him; his mind is already twisting and turning with the worst possible scenarios that could have happened last night. Tell. Him.

"You know he's been following us around for the past few months, right? Well, he's seen you make the trip from the castle down the path toward the Willow. He'd seen us following you a short time later. Last night, he was waiting for me at the head of the path. Claimed he'd put it all together …he'd concocted a wild story about …" Sirius stopped. "He made threats about going to Dumbledore with his 'evidence' – once he'd gathered it - and finally getting all of us expelled. I knew his head was up his arse about it all but … I told him how to get into the tunnel. Said that he'd find all the evidence to prove himself wrong. He …" Remus' face had grown paler and paler as Sirius had spoken and now he held up one hand, palm out, toward Sirius.

"Let me understand this; you told Severus Snape how to still the Whomping Willow and slip into the tunnel that leads to the Shrieking Shack – to me. Is that right?" His voice was deadly quiet, but it was encased in steel, belying the apparent weakness of his condition.

"I thought that…"

"Yes or no, Sirius," Remus interrupted again.

"Yes," miserably spoken.

"What happened?"

"He got into the tunnel just after you transformed in the Shack. By that time, James and Peter had met up with me and knew what I'd done. They were on their way and got to the tunnel just as Snape was pushing against the trap door." Sirius was rushing to get through everything he had to say. Watching Remus' face while he spoke was agony, but he could not bring himself to look away, either.

"Did he see the wolf?"

"Yes. Moony jumped on the trapdoor, causing it to hit Snape on top of his head, knocking him out. James got him out of the tunnel; Peter cast strengthening and reinforcement charms on the trap door to ensure that Moony stayed put whilst they made the trip back through the tunnel and out onto the grounds."

"He saw," Remus murmured, closing his eyes.

"Remus," Sirius began but Remus' eyes snapped open and the expression was as intense as anything Sirius had ever seen.

"What did you think would happen in that tunnel, Sirius?"

"I didn't think it through, Remus. Looking back, I suppose I thought that he would hear the wolf, it would scare the piss out of him and he'd leave," Sirius said, hearing the desperation ringing through his voice.

"I wasn't asking about what Snape would do. What did you think the wolf would do if it saw him? If I saw him?" Remus snapped.

"I never thought the wolf would get to him, Remus!"

"Bollocks!" Sirius could count in one hand the number of times he had heard Remus curse. He closed his mouth and resolved to simply listen. "You know the wolf, Sirius. Had it not been clumsy enough to land on the trap door, I would have gotten into the tunnel. Did you actually think that the wolf would have let Snape leave? Were you so abysmally stupid that you thought I would have passed up the chance for prey, Sirius? The wolf has been caged – in that bloody shack – for how long? For all that time, there was no prey, no human victim on which it could gorge. I would have killed him, Sirius – at best; I would have turned him – at the worst. And, quite possibly, taken James and Peter with him."

Sirius shook his head, but remained silent.

"Where were you, Sirius, whilst James and Peter were trying to pull Snape's arse out of the tunnel? Where were you, with all your hatred of Snape and lust for revenge?" Remus was breathing harshly now and the color that had been long absent from his face had flooded back in with his anger.

"We were in the dorm when I told them. They left. I followed them not long afterward. I got to the Willow just as they set the branches back in motion," Sirius' voice could barely be heard, but Remus caught every word.

"You used me, Sirius. Used me to get even with Snape. You kept my secret until it no longer suited you; until it served you better to reveal it." Remus' voice was losing some of its volume and he had begun to tremble. "Tell me something," he demanded softly. "Did you just pretend to be my friend, too? Were you just killing time until the right reason to betray me presented itself? Because that's what you've done, Sirius. You've betrayed me in the worst way possible."

"I never pretended to be your friend. I am your friend," Sirius said, not bothering to wipe the tears that were now streaming down his face.

Remus looked directly at him. "You were my friend." With that, he turned his face away and didn't look back until Sirius' thundering footsteps could no longer be heard in the room.

XXXXXXXX

Sirius threw open the door of the hospital wing and ran into the corridor. Dumbledore rose, but the younger wizard never saw him – nor did he hear Dumbledore calling his name repeatedly. Sirius tore down the hallway, virtually skidding around corridors, racing down staircases at reckless speed and finally gaining the entrance call, through which he continued until he reached the front doors of the castle and hurtled through them to the grounds. He never realized that one of the last students he'd pushed past in his blind desire to flee – was Kate.

Blinded by tears and barely able to catch a full breath, Sirius ran down the path to the willow, found their – not his any longer – stick to prod the knot and, once the tree had stilled, slipped through the opening and entered the tunnel. His pace slowed out of necessity once he was on the dirt floor of the tunnel. Roots from the tree periodically poked through the earth underfoot and to catch ones boot in one was to risk painful injury. Onward Sirius traveled, moving as quickly as he dared, until he reached the slight incline that led to the trapdoor. He climbed up on the rough rocks below it, pushed it open and lifted himself into the Shack. Not even bothering to drop the door back into place, Sirius stumbled over to the furthest corner of the room – the one where Padfoot would curl up after Remus' transformations back to human – and wait for the boy to awaken. There, he curled up in his human form and allowed all of the emotions of the past twenty-four hours to wash over him and he began to sob. His plaintive cries echoed off the scarred and stained walls of the Shrieking Shack – the building that was filled each month with the howling cries of a young wolf. Now, it was filled with the unbridled sorrow of the friend who had betrayed him.

XXXXXXXX

"Mr. Lupin, may I sit down for a moment?" Dumbledore's rich, deep voice was quiet as he addressed the distraught student. Remus nodded without looking at him and Dumbledore levitated a chair from another bed to a space beside Remus'.

"Son, please look at me," he placed a gentle hand on Remus' arm. It took a moment or two, but the younger wizard eventually turned his head to face him. His eyes were red-rimmed, but his jaw was firmly set. "You have suffered a grave shock today. I understand how such an experience can make one feel as if their world is no longer the place they thought it to be."

"My best friend betrayed me," Remus responded, roughly scrubbing at his face. "My world no longer is the place I thought it to be."

"Yes, Mr. Black acted as he so often has – without thinking of the total consequences of his actions. Rarely has this character flaw created a situation such as that we are faced with today," Dumbledore watched the Gryffindor wizard closely as he spoke. "Severus has given his word that he will never speak of what he saw in the tunnel."

"And you believed him?" Remus was incredulous, however he remembered himself and to whom he was speaking. "Sir?"

Dumbledore gave him a small smile. "Given your collective relationship with Severus, your reaction is completely understandable. Let us just say that Severus and I have an understanding that is – well, mutually beneficial. Out of respect for him, I will say no more and I know that you will understand. But, the important point in this is the fact that you will not be expelled. You will remain at Hogwarts and continue your studies."

Remus' eyes filled again. "Thank you, sir. Forgive me, but you are certain that Snape will not tell anyone about me?"

"I would stake my life on his silence, Remus," he assured him.

"I am curious about something, Remus. I wonder if you might not be willing to answer a question for me," Dumbledore asked after a time. At Remus' nod, he continued. "Did Mr. Black tell you why he told Mr. Snape how to get past the Willow?"

Remus' face hardened again. "He only said that Snape had concocted some sort of wild story about where we went each month and that he was going to come to you and, in the end, we would be expelled."

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, that was the reason he gave to me, as well. Did he mention the rest?"

Remus looked at the Headmaster curiously and shook his head. "He didn't say that there was anything more to discuss."

"Did you ask or give him any indication that you would be willing to listen?" Dumbledore asked, wisely. Correctly sensing Remus' indignation, he continued. "You were not obligated to do so, Remus. You are completely entitled and justified to feel however you are feeling about this matter. Mr. Black did, indeed, betray your trust and about such a key confidence that you placed in him. I only mention it because I know that Mr. Black had – until last night – been an outstanding friend to you. He accepted you exactly as you are, when so many others simply ran away or, worse, mistreated you."

"Are you suggesting, sir, that I …"

"As I've said, I'm not suggesting that whatever you're feeling is not justified. It most surely is. I am merely saying that you know Mr. Black acts without thinking at certain times; perhaps to gain a greater understanding of last night's events; it might be wise to think about when that behavior most occurs. You cannot deny that Mr. Black considers you one of his best friends, one he would not throw away under normal circumstances. That fact alone would cause me to wonder what situation might have presented itself that would make him behave so rashly."

"Sirius hates Snape. Last night was just the sort of circumstance that Sirius would – and did – jump on to taunt Snape. The idea of frightening Snape would amuse Sirius,' Remus protested.

Dumbledore rose. "Oh, I don't know, Remus. I saw Sirius when he came through those doors after speaking with you. He didn't look very amused at all. Remus, I'm not saying that what Sirius did was even remotely appropriate. It wasn't. What I am saying is that not everything is as it seems. Before you throw away five years of friendship and loyalty, you may wish to consider what might have motivated him. Not now, of course, but after you've had the time to consider all that has happened. Once you've worked through the emotions you're feeling right now."

Remus shook his head. "I can't imagine feeling anything other than what I feel right now, sir. I will keep in mind what you've said, however."

"That's all I can ask, Remus. Now, I will leave you to rest a bit. I'm certain your other friends will be along soon. Good evening."

"Good evening, Professor," Remus replied. He had never before doubted anything Dumbledore had said to him. That this great wizard had taken a chance on him to assure a young werewolf of an education had earned the man Remus' life-long gratitude - and respect. He couldn't help but think, however, that Albus Dumbledore was singularly wrong in his suggestions about Sirius Black.

With that thought, Remus closed his eyes and laid his head against the pillow. Exhausted in body, mind and spirit, he fell into a troubled sleep.