'Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Warning: None for this chapter
Chapter 44 – The Truth of Who I Am
Sirius opened his eyes and, not recognizing his surroundings, felt himself tense. Where…? His eyes darted around the dimly lit room. Well, not Grimmauld Place, anyway; definite improvement there. Sirius groggily searched his memory and suddenly, he had it; he'd left Grimmauld Place. He was at Kate's. He tried to move and winced as what had been a dull ache in the small of his back sharpened. Sirius closed his eyes against it.
"Hey, lie still."
Sirius' eyes flew open again and, this time, his gaze fell on the owner of that soft voice. Kate.
"How long have I …?" Sirius' voice was barely a rasp and he stopped, coughing to try to clear it.
"Hmm; throat's a bit sore, isn't it? Hang on; I have something that might help. How long have you been sleeping?" At his nod, Kate continued, "You've been asleep for about eight hours; it's still very early yet. Here, see if you can drink some of this," Kate slid her arm beneath his neck gently, helping to tilt his head upward. She placed a straw to his lips and Sirius took a long drink of ice cold water, swallowing gingerly.
"Enough?"
He nodded and Kate withdrew her arm so he could rest more comfortably. Before she could move away, however, Sirius raised his hand to capture hers. "Don't go."
Kate entwined their fingers. "I'm not going anywhere." She sat in an overstuffed chair she'd dragged to the couch.
"You've been here all night, haven't you?" He still held her hand tightly.
Kate nodded. "I didn't want to leave you alone." She nodded her head at the sofa. "It's not really a proper bed, but we couldn't move you any further last night." She squeezed his hand gently.
Sirius returned the pressure weakly. "That was your mum, wasn't it? Last night – the other woman."
"Yes, that was my mother. She went to bed a few hours ago," Kate confirmed.
Sirius' blue eyes searched her face. "Katie, I don't want to make things difficult for you. I came here because … look, I've left home; I can't go back there – not ever. I didn't have anywhere to go and I had that piece of paper you gave me with your address on it and … really, I didn't …" he felt himself becoming more agitated as he spoke.
"Shhh," Kate brushed the hair away from his damp brow. "I'm glad you turned up, really. You're not making anything difficult for me, I promise you." She paused, still stroking his hair softly and, under her caress, Sirius felt himself begin to relax. He heard Kate's light chuckle. "Besides, after last night, I think my mother would magically restrain you from going back to that house."
Sirius looked away from her. "You're lucky, Katie; she's a kind woman, your mother."
Kate looked at his profile and all that he had told her after the holiday came rushing back to her.
"She did this to you, didn't she?" Kate whispered. "It's just like Christmas, isn't it?"
"Not like Christmas, Kate," Sirius whispered. He felt himself begin to tremble as the events of the previous night came back to him. "She used a belt at Christmas."
Kate shivered. "What did your mother use last night?"
Sirius opened his eyes and looked at her. "The Cruciatus Curse."
Kate was horrified. "She used an Unforgivable on her own son?!"
"She doesn't consider me her son," he replied. "She told me I wasn't a Black."
Kate leaned down and kissed his forehead gently. "And you're not. It's a bit ironic, isn't it? Your mother is the one who finally convinces you how wrong you've been over the past couple of months."
"I'm so sorry, Katie," he whispered, squeezing her hand. "There's so much you don't even know about what happened….with Remus."
"I know, but leave it for now. You've enough to deal with at the moment," Kate kissed him again then sat back in her chair. "How are you going to handle what happened?"
Sirius furrowed his brow. "What do you mean? I handled it; I left."
"Sirius, your mother used an Unforgivable Curse, which is illegal in and of itself. That she used it on her own son adds another whole dimension to it. She can be arrested; she can be sent to Azkaban."
Sirius shook his head violently. "No! Nothing would happen to her and she'd find some way to … no. There's nothing to be done. It's over."
Privately, Kate disagreed with him, but she held her tongue. His emotions were still very close to the surface and he was still suffering some of the physical after-effects of the Cruciatus. There would be time to approach this again at a later date.
"Would you like some tea?" Kate asked.
Sirius shook his head. "No, thanks."
"Why don't you try and get some sleep, then? Mum said that it's what your body needs most right now to heal," Kate suggested, curling her legs under her and settling deeper into the cushions of the chair.
"You should go to bed; you can't rest properly there," Sirius said, looking over at her.
"Don't worry about me," she smiled. "I'll be fine. Now, close your eyes or I'll call my mother and tell her you're being uncooperative."
Sirius smiled softly at her, then closed his eyes and was asleep moments later.
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When next he awakened, Sirius was alone. Remembering his body's earlier, painful reaction to sudden movement, he began slowly stretching his muscles: first his legs, then his arms, fingers, shoulders and neck. When the movements were met with only slight twinges here and there, he carefully shifted until he was in a more upright position against the pillows. Not too bad, then, he mused. Still dizzy, but – all things considered – that's not too bad at all.
"Awake, are you?"
Sirius turned in the direction of the voice and his gaze rested on a tall, red-haired woman standing in the doorway at the opposite end of the room.
"I am – finally," he said, watching her as she walked over to the chair where Kate had been seated last he saw her.
"I sent her to bed awhile ago," Felicity said, nodding her head toward the chair. "May I?"
"Please."
She settled herself and held out her hand. "Felicity Morgan, Kate's mother."
Sirius took her hand in his and held it for a moment. "Sirius Black."
"Yes, I know. How are you feeling?" Felicity leaned forward and rested the backs of her fingers against Sirius' forehead then slid them down to rest against his cheek. "Hmm; cooler. I suspected that you might have been running a bit of a fever earlier."
"Mrs. Morgan, I want to thank you for taking me in last night. You didn't have to and, given my family and the fact that I suspect you know who they are, you probably had second thoughts," Sirius said quietly.
"I have a small confession to make, Mr. Black," Felicity began.
"Sirius."
Felicity smiled. "Sirius, then. I do have some past acquaintance with your family and my experience was not completely positive. I'm afraid that when Kate first mentioned you at Christmas, I was very – definite – in my response to her. I judged you based on your name; based on my own experiences with your family of which you were no part. I didn't listen to my daughter when she tried to tell me the truth of things. I was wrong to judge you on your name alone and I regret it. I hope you can forgive me."
Sirius' eyes had grown very wide by the time Felicity finished speaking. Finally, he shook his head. "There's nothing to forgive, Mrs. Morgan. You were just reacting to what you knew. But, I appreciate what you said; thank you."
Both were silent for a while then Sirius spoke again. "I'm not like them, you know. I don't believe the things they believe in. Although," he shifted uncomfortably, "something happened at school this year that made me believe I was more like them than I realized. Kate tried talking to me and I wouldn't listen." He looked at Felicity with a wry smile on his face. "It seems you and I have that in common."
Felicity returned his smile. "What made you change your mind?"
"Oddly enough, my mother – and everything that happened last night. I am not like her," he said, fervently. "I could never be like her."
Felicity rose and sat on the edge of the sofa, taking the young wizard's hand in both of hers and squeezing gently. "Kate told me what happened last night, Sirius. I'm so sorry; no child should have to suffer any pain at the hand of a parent, much less what you have endured. I don't understand how a parent can do that to their own child."
Sirius felt his throat constrict and he could not immediately speak. Felicity was aware of his discomfort and, not wishing to cause any more, gently placed his hands on the blanket and reclaimed her chair. After several moments, Sirius cleared his throat and turned to the older witch. "Thank you."
She nodded. "Are you hungry?"
Sirius remembered the night before and shook his head. "No, thank you. I was sick before I left ho – before I left Grimmauld Place last night. My stomach still feels off."
Felicity rose. "And that is most likely because it has nothing in it. Now, I am going to ask Goldie to fix you up a pot of tea and some dry toast. You will – slowly - take as much of both as you can. I think you'll find yourself very much improved once you've put something on your stomach."
Sirius found himself able to do nothing more than agree and so Felicity disappeared into the kitchen, leaving him to his own thoughts.
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Later in the day, Sirius moved to a guestroom on the 2nd floor of the Morgan house. Felicity's prediction that his stomach was merely empty proved true and while still feeling random aches and pains, Sirius was much improved. A long, hot shower and a clean set of robes eliminated most of the remaining body aches and by evening, Sirius felt sufficiently recovered to take dinner with the family in the kitchen.
To ensure that Sirius did not feel out of place, dinner for everyone consisted of tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Sirius knew that the Morgans most likely usually ate in their more formal dining room – and enjoyed a bit more of an upscale menu as well. He appreciated that they had probably chosen a smaller, more relaxed setting to avoid reminders of the evening before. While not something they should have worried about, Sirius couldn't help but be touched by the gesture.
Conversation initially sputtered in fits and starts as the participants adjusted to the unfamiliar dynamic, but eventually they became more comfortable and touched on topics ranging from O.W.L.s – and guesswork about grades, end of term in general and, finally Felicity's upcoming trip. Sirius froze. If Kate's mother was leaving, there would be no chance he could remain here alone with Kate. James doesn't consider me his friend, nor do Peter and – well, best not to think about Remus. The absolute coldness with which Remus treated Sirius' presence was something Sirius still could not bring himself to contemplate.
"Sirius?"
Kate's voice brought him out of his thoughts and Sirius realized that he was gripping his spoon so hard, his knuckles had gone white. He gently set the utensil back in the bowl and looked over at the young witch.
"Sorry?" He managed.
"Mum and I were asking if you had already made plans for the rest of the summer," Kate said.
Plans? No; I've no one to make plans with, Katie. "No, but I'll start working on it and see what I can come up with," his voice trailed off as he saw the puzzled expressions on both Morgans' faces.
"Sirius, Mum is leaving Goldie here to look after me while she's away. I wasn't certain of my own plans for the summer; I'd originally thought of visiting with Lily, but I've spoken with her today and we've got an idea or two that might scrap that plan," Kate told him, hoping she sounded off-handed enough not to arouse his curiosity.
"Sirius, there would be rules that would have to be observed, but if you were willing to remain here – at least for a little while – Goldie could look after you both and, of course, act as chaperone until summer plans are finalized – and, naturally, discussed with me beforehand," Felicity spoke up, glancing at Kate, who nodded. "You've been through a great deal in the past couple of days. I think it would be far better to consider your options carefully rather than rush into something that really doesn't suit you." Felicity did not add that Kate had shared a bit of what had happened with James, Peter and Remus – minus the news of Remus' condition, of course, and the fact that Sirius truly did not have many options. Together, with Lily brought in after the fact, mother and daughter had come up with a possible alternative that might assist him. Kate suspected that it might take a few days to convince Sirius to go along with it.
Sirius felt enormous gratitude slide over him, replacing the sense of panic that had taken hold at the news of Felicity's impending holiday. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Thank you," he said finally, opening his eyes to look at Felicity. "Thank you very much. I promise that I'll behave and conduct myself properly while I'm here."
Kate chuckled, noting the slight upturn of one corner of his mouth as Sirius made his promise. "You'd better," she said, picking up her spoon. "Goldie is not to be trifled with. She packs a mean punch!"
Sirius looked startled for a moment and then smiled as he picked up his sandwich. "I'll keep that in mind."
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Felicity pulled the light sheet over her and settled back against her bed pillows, finger marking the place in the novel she was reading. Glancing around the room, she smiled. Her trunk was packed to near bursting and her traveling costume – new – hung neatly on her closet door. Her long-awaited holiday would begin in the morning, now that Melanie had completely recovered from her unfortunate accident.
Felicity had finally finished her 'to do' list that evening, had enjoyed a leisurely bath and now planned to read until she was too sleepy to continue. Before she knew it, the morning would come and her summer adventure would begin. It had been such a long time since she'd had a holiday; the last had occurred when Roderick was still alive.
As she opened her book, she heard the sound of a light baritone chuckle from one floor below. As her room was directly over the parlor, Felicity knew that Kate and Sirius must still be up talking. Felicity glanced at her bedside clock. It was just half-ten. Early yet for them; she suspected they observed far later hours while at school. Her mind wandered back to earlier in the week and the night that Orion Black's son had appeared on her doorstep. Battered, obviously ill, the boy had been nothing like Felicity had envisioned. There was nothing Dark about him at all – and certainly nothing menacing; he was simply a young man who had suffered an unimaginable abuse at the hands of his own mother. Felicity wondered where Orion fit into the picture; surely, even as cruel a man as she knew him to be, he would not condone the outright physical mistreatment of his elder son at the hands of his own wife! Felicity sighed, turning her attention to her book once again. Perhaps helping Sirius – in whatever small capacity she was able – might help her feel that she was striking a blow against the family that had caused so much pain in her own life.
"Mother?" Kate's face peeped round the now-open door. "Am I bothering you?"
Felicity smiled. "Of course not, darling. Come in."
Kate slipped into the room, closing the door behind her. She climbed onto the bed and sat close to her mother. "I just wanted to thank you for all you've done for Sirius. Based on what you told me at Christmas, I know how you feel about his family. It can't have been easy for you to see him standing on the steps the other night."
"As I told Sirius, I saw a young man who had been treated very badly; how could we not help him? I did tell him that I had pre-judged him and that I'd been very wrong to do that. Did he tell you?" Felicity picked up Kate's hand and held it as she waited for her answer.
Kate was surprised. "No, he hasn't mentioned a thing. You didn't tell him …"
"About your father? No, it's not down to me to say a thing to Sirius. Provided the boy ever speaks to him again, that's Orion's tale to tell," Felicity responded. "I sincerely hope that Sirius doesn't have the opportunity to learn about it. He's dealt with enough from his family."
"I agree. And, now, a moment of sheer stupidity has taken his 'safe haven', his friends. I can only hope they can resolve their differences, or Sirius is going to be a very lonely wizard when the new term arrives," Kate said.
"You said that he just about cut himself off from everyone the last couple of months," Felicity commented. "He's punished himself fairly severely for whatever it was that he did to them. Hopefully, they'll come to the conclusion that they've also punished him enough." She paused for a moment. "Kate, you know, we really should contact someone to let them know where Sirius is. I hesitate to contact his parents, given the circumstances. Should we send an owl to Professor Dumbledore, instead?"
Kate shook her head. "I'll speak with Sirius tomorrow. I agree that someone else should know, but it really is up to him to make that decision. I think the Headmaster is the logical choice; we'll see what he thinks." Kate leaned over and kissed her mother's cheek. "I should get to bed and let you rest as well. What time do you leave in the morning?"
Felicity smiled. "Early, I'm afraid. Melanie is calling for me at 8. Don't feel that you have to get up to see me off, darling. Stay in bed and sleep if you can."
Kate rose and walked toward the door. "Don't be silly. I'll get up and have tea with you before she gets here. Sleep well, Mum; I love you."
"I love you, too, Kate. If I see you in the morning, that will be lovely."
Kate smiled and slipped out into the hallway, closing the door softly behind her.
Felicity stared after her for a moment longer then looked down at the still-closed novel in her lap. Deciding that she didn't need to read to become sleepy, she put the book on her bed table, turned off her light and settled down in her bed. She was asleep moments later.
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As it turned out, both Sirius and Kate were up in sufficient time to see Felicity off on her trip. When it was time for her to leave, Sirius thanked her again for her kindness and wished her safe travels; he was stunned when she closed the distance between them and hugged him gently.
"You take care of yourself, Mr. Black," she said, stepping back and patting his cheek with her gloved hand. "And I hope you come back and stay with us again – under better circumstances, of course."
Sirius nodded and disappeared into the parlor while Kate bid her mother goodbye. After a time, Kate joined him, coming into the room to find the young wizard standing in front of the large picture window that overlooked the street. Kate walked up beside him and leaned against his arm. "Alright?"
Sirius nodded. "You?"
"Never better," came her reply and she leaned up and kissed his cheek gently.
"Where's Goldie?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.
Kate chuckled. "In the kitchen, busy with the dishes. Would you like to go and visit her?"
Sirius shook his head. "No, but if you would let me, I would very much like to give you a proper kiss – and I'd like to do it without risk of a frying pan to my head."
Kate smiled. "I think a kiss would be allowed."
Sirius leaned down and gently touched his lips to hers. When he would have pulled away, Kate prolonged the kiss by pressing her own lips more firmly to his. After a moment, mindful of where they were, Sirius took a step backward, out of Kate's embrace.
"Thank you," he said sincerely. "There have been times over the past two months when I never thought I'd do that again."
Kate searched his face for a moment then reached for his hand. "Can we talk for a bit?"
She both saw and felt him tense at her request. She squeezed his hand lightly. "It's ok; I promise." She tugged his hand and he followed her to the sofa.
"Listen, I want to tell you about a conversation I had with Lily a couple of days ago," Kate began.
Sirius' eyebrows rose in surprise but he said nothing.
"Lily is going up to James' next Thursday to spend the weekend with his family here in London and then join them for 2 weeks in Brighton. They've – Mr. and Mrs. Potter, that is – they've suggested that James invite a couple of his other friends to sort of make up a party. They were concerned that there wouldn't be enough "young people" to keep things interesting. Lily's suggested that you and I go with them, as well. My mother thought it would be fun to have a beach holiday and has given me permission to go – without Goldie, since the Potters will be there, as well." Kate paused. Sirius was watching her with a stunned expression on his face. "What do you think?"
"What do I think?" his voice was incredulous. "Kate, you know that James hates me; that he wants nothing to do with me. He made that very clear at school; you were there – you saw it. How can you think that I would be welcome at his home?"
"What I saw went both ways, Sirius," Kate responded quietly. "Granted, I wasn't privy to your conversations in the dormitory, but I did see the way you all behaved. When you moved out of the dorm, you sent a very clear signal that you had no desire to be part of them. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have done that; how can I know that for certain? When you disappeared – other than seeing them in class – they began to change. Sirius, I have to believe that if you give them a chance; if you take this opportunity to settle things with James, that things will be resolved between you."
Sirius shook his head. "You didn't see the look in his eyes, Kate. You didn't hear the things he said to me. I don't think things can be resolved. And, to be honest with you, I don't think I can take it all over again."
Kate reached over and took his hand. "Sirius, listen to me. You don't know how he will react. You've changed your perspective; you're no longer reacting to this situation in the same way, are you? Isn't it logical to assume that he might have changed as well? Sirius, I know it would be difficult if he behaved as he did before, but wouldn't it be worse to never confront him at all and wonder for the rest of your life if your friendship could have been repaired?"
Sirius remained silent, his head down.
"How many times did you tell me that James was more than your friend; that he was your brother? Don't you think that fact alone makes it worth trying?"
Just when Kate thought he'd remain silent and never give in, Sirius looked up at her and Kate caught her breath at the pain and fear in his eyes.
"Alright, Kate; I'll do it."
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In a neat little white house in a neat little London suburb, a young, red-haired witch sat at a small desk in her bedroom, reading a Charms text book. A sharp tap on her window caught her attention and she opened it to permit a small, brown owl to hop onto the sill. After taking the rolled parchment from his extended leg, Lily Evans reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a shortbread cookie. She broke it into small pieces which she placed on the corner of her desk for the bird. He nudged her cheek in thanks and began crunching his treat. Lily smiled and opened the note.
"We're on. Kate"
