'Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Warning: None for this chapter
Chapter 45 – The First Step on a Long Road
The time between Sirius' agreement to Kate's proposal and their actual departure was one of the most volatile of their time together. Sirius vacillated between extremely vocal displays of - by turn – fear, anger and grudging acceptance and sullen periods of shutting himself up in the guest room for hours on end.
"At least it's quieter," Kate said to Lily in a Floo call during one of Sirius' periods of self-confinement. "How's James taking it?"
"I just told him this morning," Lily confessed.
"You just … this morning? Lily, you and your parents are picking us up tomorrow. This doesn't give James much time to adjust." Kate was aghast, picturing the greeting Sirius was most likely to receive from his friend.
"Oh - and telling Sirius a week ago proved to be so much better," Lily replied, dryly. "Listen, James could have gotten it into his head to call the whole thing off if I'd told him any sooner. Even his parents agreed that it was better to wait. Now, it's really too late for him to back out."
Kate nodded, but couldn't help but feel that neither James nor Sirius would benefit from the lack of logic Lily had applied to the situation. "Imagine how difficult things will be for them both if James ignores Sirius once we arrive. Not the best plan you've ever had, Lils. I'll ask again: how is James taking it? You did rather side-step when I asked the first time."
Lily closed her eyes for a moment then looked back through the Floo at Kate. "He was … terse, I suppose is the best word to describe him. You're right; he most likely would have cancelled. Thankfully, his Mum was in the background for his reaction and she reminded him that the invitation had come, indirectly, from them and she had no problem with you and Sirius coming to Brighton with the family."
"Does she know what happened between them?"
Lily shook her head. "No, not in any detail. They only know that James and Sirius had a falling out and it hasn't resolved itself yet. They quite agree that two weeks in Brighton with very few opportunities to be outside each other's company will force them to work it all out." The red-head paused for a moment, uncharacteristic uncertainty crossing her face. "You don't agree?"
Kate sighed. "No, no – I do, actually. I'm just concerned for Sirius. Lily, I don't think he can take any more rejection or trauma in his life – particularly from James. He's had more than enough in the past two months to last him a lifetime."
"Kate, it's not that I don't agree with you, but you also have to remember that Sirius did rather bring this upon himself. He did betray Remus," Lily pointed out.
Kate glanced over her shoulder to ensure the parlor door was still closed. Seeing that it was, she lowered her voice and turned back to the image of her friend in the flames. "I haven't forgotten what Sirius did, Lily – and neither has he. Trust me, Sirius knows how badly he treated Remus – and of the danger he put all of his friends in. It's something he lives with all the time. He's sick at the thought of facing James tomorrow, so spare me the sanctimonious rhetoric about Sirius making his own problems. It's time for James to decide whether or not Sirius is worth forgiving. It's as plain as that. James must come to terms with everything that's happened and figure out what he wants. You should all be prepared for what might happen if James can't forgive him and tells him so while we're in Brighton." Kate spoke fiercely.
Lily's eyes widened in the face of Kate's anger and she sought to undo some of what her words had provoked. "Katie, it could just as easily work out well for them. Without the presence of Remus and Peter – the whole damned school, come to that – it will be just James and Sirius. They'll work it out; I'm positive they will. And we'll be there to help them."
Kate shook her head. "They have to do this on their own, Lily. All we can do is be there to support them if they can't work it out."
"Alright, Katie; suppose they can't resolve their differences. What happens then?"
Kate shrugged. "We leave, I suppose. Sirius agreed that Dumbledore should know that he's no longer at home; that he'll never go back to Grimmauld Place. The first thing Dumbledore said was that Sirius could return to school early if need be. Sirius was relieved – very relieved."
Lily sighed. "This isn't going to be as easy as I thought it might be."
Kate smiled. "You thought all you had to do was put them in the same room together and they'd immediately shake hands and make up, did you?"
"I'm not sure that I was that naive," Lily replied, "but I'll admit that I thought their better natures would come out without a great deal of prodding."
"There will be prodding, Lily. The fact that James hasn't Floo-called Sirius yet tells me that he's still not convinced that Sirius joining the family in Brighton is such a terrific idea." Kate heard footsteps on the stairs. "I have to go; Sirius has finally left 'solitary confinement'."
The two friends quickly made their goodbyes; Kate managed to rise and walk toward the doorway when Sirius appeared.
"Did I hear you talking to someone?" he asked, glancing over Kate's shoulder toward the hearth, which was now dark.
Kate nodded. "Lily called. She wanted to tell us what time we need to be ready tomorrow. Her parents are picking us up in their car – imagine that - and we need to be ready at noon."
Sirius nodded. "I think I'll go for a walk."
"Would you like company?" Kate had an uneasy feeling about Sirius leaving the house, on his own, in his current, unsettled frame of mind.
"No; I'd just like to wander for a bit. I won't be long, Kate," Sirius said, leaning down and kissing her cheek lightly as he walked toward the front door.
"But you don't know your way around this neighborhood," Kate protested feebly.
Sirius turned at the door and gave her an irritated look. "I'm a big boy with a decent sense of direction. I'll be fine. Just in case you're concerned - I think I've reached my limit on running away for one holiday, Kate. You needn't worry; I'll be back."
Kate felt her face flush with heat but she refused to rise to the bait. Instead, she turned and walked back into the parlor without saying a word. A moment later, she heard the front door click closed.
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On the other side of the door, Sirius paused on the front stoop and took a deep breath. He hadn't meant to speak so sharply to Kate, but after over two months of enforced solitude, Sirius found that he needed at least some time by himself to sort things through. Tomorrow, he would face – what? James, definitely; but who knew where that confrontation would lead. Would they fix their friendship or would the past two months become the status quo? This was definitely one of those times when he needed to be off by himself to ponder a situation.
Sirius quickly descended the few steps to the street and took a right without even thinking. He was unaware of the swiftness of his pace or of the distance that he had soon put between himself and the Morgan house. Sirius' mind was a whirl of thoughts and worries. Since taking up running in the last weeks of the school term, Sirius had learned to take that solitary time to work through his more difficult problems. It might not be running, but the brisk pace he'd set with this walk was likely as close as he would get until returning to Hogwarts.
As he walked, Sirius' thoughts turned first to Dumbledore. Logical, he thought. If things aren't resolved with James, I'm going to need someplace to go until term begins. I can't expect Kate to give up her two weeks at the beach just because I can't stay – if I can't stay. He tried to shake off the feeling of apprehension for the following day's journey and refocus his mind on the Headmaster and the circumstances under which he'd discovered Sirius' situation.
Kate had suggested that the owl notifying Dumbledore of his whereabouts come from him and Sirius agreed. As a result, Dumbledore's response had come only to Sirius – who had chosen not to share the entirety of the contents with Kate. It served no purpose to his mind and only reinforced the conditions in which he had so recently lived "at home" in Grimmauld Place. Sirius recalled that while he had not been surprised that Dumbledore had already known where Sirius was currently staying, he had been shocked to read how the Headmaster had learned the detail. Having read the letter several times, Sirius could easily picture the parchment in his mind – the spidery scrawl so vivid in the purple ink Dumbledore favored.
Sirius,
As will, no doubt, surprise you, I was aware that you had quit Grimmauld Place on the day after you had done so. It may further surprise you to know that the bearer of this news was none other than your father, who was summoned away from his business in Paris by a very upset member of your family – your brother, Regulus. Given the incident last term – and the nature of your relationships with your friends – I surmised that you might have gone to Miss Morgan's family home. I decided not to act, however, until I heard more. I did not wish to place you in further jeopardy if my supposition was wrong.
Orion arrived, unannounced, quite early that morning. I must say he was in quite a state as he had been to London first and had been filled in by Regulus as to the details of what had happened. My boy, if even half of what Regulus told Orion is true, I am sorrier than I can say. I will not go into great detail here, as it would be cruel to do so; you do not need to relive the experience again. Suffice to say that Regulus shared your mother's use of the Unforgivable Curse and described what he saw of the after-effects you experienced. Fortunately, Regulus was able to lock himself in his own room and it would appear that your mother was too indisposed to bother with him.
Your father has requested to meet with you – on neutral ground, of course – in a location and time of your choosing. You need not decide on this matter straight away; your father seems committed to allowing you to initiate contact at your own discretion. While this is entirely your business, Sirius, I recommend that once you return to school, you contact Orion and set up a meeting here. As before, I will be very willing to sit in so that you are not alone with him. However things are left between you, I believe that you need to have this final discussion with your father to give yourself a sense of closure – at the very least.
On another note, Orion indicated that you did not pack all of your possessions prior to leaving Grimmauld Place. Regulus has packed your books, the remainder of your clothing and other personal items. Orion brought them here because I believe he thought this was where you had gone. He was surprised and I daresay quite concerned when I told him that I had not heard from you. I would like to suggest, Sirius that you let your father know that you are safe, even if you do not wish to disclose where you are staying. In fact, I believe it would be best not to do so. I would be happy to contact Orion on your behalf, reassuring him that you are safe but do not wish anyone to know where you are. He may then reassure your brother, who is very concerned about your condition. Indeed, you may wish to communicate directly with your brother, to reassure him yourself.
Please know that you are welcome to return to Hogwarts at any time before the new term commences. Of course, this presupposes that you and your friends are unable to work through your current difficulties; I would sincerely hope that you are able to spend your summer in more relaxed surroundings, enjoying the too-short holiday with your friends. Nevertheless, an owl to me will be all that's needed should you elect to return. I am here, as is Professor McGonagall and a variety of other staff members who remained in the castle over the summer holiday – for one reason or another.
Please advise me as to your wishes regarding the contacting of your father and brother…
Sirius had immediately written back to the Headmaster, asking that he contact both Orion and Regulus on his behalf. Sirius did not want to give either of his parents a reason to treat Regulus badly; certainly finding a letter from him directly to his brother would potentially do so. While Sirius had felt a pang of remorse as he wrote his response, he felt a greater sense of security knowing that he was doing what he could to protect his younger brother from a fate similar to his own. They'll name you the heir Reg, Sirius had thought as he watched the school owl fly into the sky. I just hope when the time comes, you're strong enough to pull away from them and be your own man instead of her puppet.
He had then hidden Dumbledore's letter in his backpack and gone downstairs to give Kate the short version of the Headmaster's reply.
Sirius stopped suddenly, something in the periphery of his vision catching his attention. He turned and was surprised to find himself standing in front of the Leaky Cauldron. Sirius glanced around and located the street sign. Charing Cross Road. Had he really walked that far? As he approached the grimy looking door, Sirius shrugged. All that running must have done some good.
He entered the pub and closed the door behind him, pausing for a moment to allow his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting within. The place was virtually empty and a glance at his watch told Sirius why – it was well after 3:00, any lunchtime rush was long over. Sirius nodded at Tom, the bald proprietor who was cleaning glasses behind the bar.
"Hungry?" Tom called out to him as Sirius passed by on his way to the back door.
"No, thanks," he replied. "Just going to stretch my legs a bit in the Alley."
With a nod and a wave, Tom disappeared into the back room and Sirius soon found himself standing before the mosaic of bricks that separated Muggle from Magical London. Well, the biggest concentration of it, anyway, Sirius thought as he withdrew his wand and tapped the pattern of bricks that would provide him passage through to Diagon Alley.
Diagon Alley was as busy with pedestrian traffic as the Leaky Cauldron had been devoid of it. As Sirius watched, all manner of witches and wizards – some with small children, squeezed past each other in the main mercantile area. Congesting the narrow, cobblestoned street further were shoppers who had already made their purchases – and whose bags bumped and pestered others, hurrying to their own destinations.
Sirius spied Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, which was slightly less crowded than the street. Sirius knew it would fill up soon enough and picked his way through pedestrians until he found himself standing at an empty table outside the white building. Ice cream for lunch, he thought, half-smiling. Well, since there's no one here to tell me I can't – and since I'm starving – I think 2 scoops should just about hit the spot. Soon enough, Sirius was seated beneath the colorfully striped awning, shaded from the hot summer sun, and happily spooning "Chillingly Chunky Chocolate" into his mouth. Thus engaged, he didn't hear footsteps approach his table and was therefore stunned when a deep voice greeted him from behind.
"May I join you?"
Sirius stopped with a spoonful of ice cream half way from bowl to mouth. Turning his head, he realized that his hearing had not deceived him. Orion Black stood expression unreadable, waiting for permission to join his elder son. Almost without knowing he had done so, Sirius nodded, setting his still-full spoon back in the bowl and waiting for his father to seat himself in the chair opposite his own.
"I didn't realize you were staying in Diagon Alley," Orion began, quietly.
"I'm not. I was taking a walk and wound up here," Sirius replied. "I'm not going to tell you where I'm staying, either; it's pointless for you to ask me."
Orion nodded. "I understand."
Sirius glanced around. "Is anyone with you?" He couldn't bring himself to face Walburga and, if she had accompanied his father, he would cut this family visit short straight away.
Orion shook his head. "I am alone. Regulus is visiting school friends in Germany this week."
Sirius remained silent, relieved that he would not have to deal with his mother so soon – and disappointed that he would not see his brother. Fancy that.
"What did you want to speak with me about, Father?" Let's get this over with.
"You probably don't feel much like having dinner with me this evening after …" Orion gestured toward the half-eaten bowl of ice cream across the table.
Sirius shook his head. "I need to get back before people start worrying about me," he said. It was no lie. He knew Kate would be sitting in a window seat somewhere in the house, watching the street for his return.
Orion sighed and Sirius was almost sure he saw a look of regret flit across his father's features. "Alright, Sirius. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for what happened to you the night you left. The lack of positive response to our offer of a marriage contract put your mother over the edge of reason. She behaved …."
No, Sirius thought. I won't let him explain her away this time; not this time!
"She behaved exactly as she's behaved toward me right along," he interrupted, satisfied at the shock on Orion's face. "Well, except for the Cruciatus; that was new, I'll admit. Whipping me with leather belts and throwing me into a cell in the basement was more her old style, wasn't it? Of course, you know that because you supported the solitary confinement bit, didn't you? Sort of backfired the last time you tried it, though. I suppose she had to step up her game a bit after Christmas." Sirius heard the bitterness, the betrayal in his own voice and knew full well who had put it there.
"Your mother is very ill, Sirius," Orion waited until he thought Sirius was finished before he replied. "I have put her in a special hospital outside of Paris to see if they can do something to treat her; to make these episodes stop." At Sirius' surprised look, Orion nodded. "Yes, that is why I couldn't bring her with me on my 'business trip'; I had scheduled meetings with several doctors about her stay and potential treatment. I just didn't think I would be taking her there under duress – and certainly never imagined that it would happen as a result of her use of an Unforgivable against you, son."
The word 'son' brought Sirius out of his surprise – and back to himself. "You can't honestly tell me that you were surprised to hear she'd used an Unforgivable against me! Against Regulus, certainly – but against me? Please. It was just about the only thing she hadn't done. You saw her at the meeting with Dumbledore after the Bullstrodes broke the marriage contract! You knew what she was like and still you left me there to deal with her on my own. No," Sirius rose and put his hand up to stop his father from speaking. "There's nothing you can say to explain what's happened." He stepped to the side and carefully pushed his chair back into place against the table. "You wanted to see me and now you have. Take a good look because it's the last one you'll get." Sirius heard his voice begin to shake a bit and he turned to walk away before his emotions got the better of him. He had only taken a couple of steps before he changed his mind and turned back. "I'm not your son," Sirius said quietly, looking directly into his father's charcoal eyes, "check the tapestry room when you get back to Grimmauld Place. I believe you'll find that after Mother finished cursing me, she blasted me right off the old Black family tree. Goodbye, Father." With that, Sirius turned toward the street and resumed his walk away from Diagon Alley – and his family.
When he reached the other side of the brick wall leading to the Leaky Cauldron, Sirius allowed his emotions to overtake him. He leaned back against the wall and slid down until he was sitting on the ground, feeling the brick catch on his jumper as he did so.
It was over. Other than the occasional glimpse – or perhaps the odd encounter due to school – he never had to see his parents again. He stared down at his hands, resting on his bent knees, taking in the torn cuticles, the bitten nails – that scratch he'd gotten when he'd stuffed some of his belongings into his backpack the night he'd left home. Suddenly, the image blurred and he felt hot tears course down his cheeks. Why in bloody hell is this bothering me so much? A traitorous voice inside his head answered. Because you have no family now. You don't belong anywhere. You say you're not a Black, but that's what you've always been. Sirius Black, pureblood. Sirius Black, Gryffindor rebel. Sirius Black, Maraud - . Sirius put his hands over his ears as if that could silence his own thoughts. It's true, though, he was forced to acknowledge, especially the last. I'm no longer a Marauder. No matter what happens with James tomorrow, without Remus, that's still true. So, if I'm no longer any of those things – Black, Marauder … friend - then who am I? Sirius pulled down the sleeves of his jumper over his fists and scrubbed his eyes and cheeks furiously. The rough wool stung the sensitive skin, but he didn't care. Maybe it's time I found out. Rising, Sirius made his way determinedly through the Leaky Cauldron, which had begun to fill up with the dinner crowd. He looked neither left nor right, simply made his way straight for the front door. Sirius never saw his father come in behind him and stand, motionless, watching his son walk out of the building. With a sigh, Orion walked over to the Floo, left some coins on the hearth and called out his home address as he stepped into the cool, green flames.
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Sirius' pace back to Kate's was much slower than he'd set earlier in the day. On the return trip, he spent more time looking at his surroundings, the well-tended gardens, the clean, well-kept homes, and the lovely parks with their manicured grounds. Doing so kept him from his thoughts, most of which focused on things he'd prefer not to contemplate.
After walking for some time, Sirius came upon one such park whose gates had not yet closed for the night. Drawn by the sweet scent of flowers he couldn't even begin to name, he entered the enclosed area and began to follow the winding path deeper onto the grounds.
It was almost seven and the orange glow of the sun washed over the gardens – and a white stone gazebo that came into view at the apparent end of the path. Sirius approached it to find the space empty and he took a seat on one of the marble benches. It will be another hot day tomorrow, Sirius thought, images of the cool ocean at Brighton coming into his head. If I actually make it to the ocean, he thought, knowing that any conversation with James would be bound to happen soon after their arrival. Even Lily wouldn't be enough to keep James distracted for long. Maybe I can get a walk on the beach in while he and Lily are …reacquainting themselves. In spite of everything, Sirius smiled. James was definitely …what was the old term Uncle Alphard used to use? Besotted; that's it! It was one of his favorite uncle's last visits to Grimmauld Place before he, too, was nothing more than an acrid black singe on the family Tapestry. He'd been regaling a 12 year-old Sirius with stories of his own school days at Hogwarts – and one of his classmates, a redheaded witch by the name of Minerva McGonagall. Apparently, as he told it, Minerva was a shapely little thing who cared little for 'girlish whimsy' and quite a great deal for Quidditch. She was the Keeper for the Gryffindor team from her third year onward and her high-flying maneuvers protecting the rings were the talk of her House…and the other three. The captain of the Ravenclaw team, a ruggedly handsome transfer student from abroad, was besotted with the auburn-tressed beauty and he wooed her unsuccessfully until their sixth year, when she finally capitulated; they were a couple from then on. Content to leave the story there, Alphard finally gave in to Sirius' wheedling At graduation, the young wizard announced to Minerva that he had been named Seeker for the Vratsa Vulturesand, dropping to one knee, asked her to be his bride. Knowing already that she would be apprenticed to the retiring Transfiguration professor – and that marrying her beau would mean a move to Bulgaria, Minerva refused Vladislav Krum. He begged and pleaded, offering to make his home with her in Scotland, but tearfully, Minerva held firm. The team traveled the majority of the year and its members were almost never at home. A long distance marriage bode ill for any couple and, in the wizarding world, marriage was for life. She suggested that Vladislav try out for the Scottish National Team, but he refused. They were not as competitive or proven as the Vultures, nor could they pay him the same compensation. Unable to come to compromise, the couple went their separate ways. Several years later, Minerva read in the Prophet that Vladislav had married the oldest daughter of the team's very wealthy owner, a stocky, unfortunately featured young woman whose smile revealed rather prominent upper teeth. Each year for the next six, the Prophet printed a new birth announcement for the Krums – six strapping sons in all. Minerva, her heart broken once, never married, choosing instead to dedicate herself to her students and her career. Alphard laughingly assured Sirius that Minerva was not one to remain exclusively on the proverbial "high road" as regarded her replacement. Rumor had it that upon first glance at a photo of the new bride, the young professor uttered a comment worthy of her Animagus form, "Vlad will save a fortune in grooming fees; she can kiss him and comb his mustache at the same time!"
Sirius chuckled at the memory. His younger self couldn't wait to get back to school and tell his mates the story of their Head of House. James had fallen over on his bed, clutching his sides and laughing loudly when Sirius had repeated what his uncle had told him.
James. Well, it seemed that he'd managed to capture his redhead well before graduation. 'Besotted' certainly described him. Sirius' thoughts were pierced by the sound of crickets chirping in the hedges surrounding the gazebo and he was startled to see that the sun had, indeed set. The deep, cobalt blue of evening was beginning to overtake the sky and Sirius suddenly realized that Kate would undoubtedly be thinking the worst of his long absence. He rose and hurriedly made his way through the gate and along the street that would turn into Kate's.
As he approached her house, Sirius looked up at the windows and was genuinely surprised not to see her sitting in one. He took the steps two at a time and entered the hallway quietly. Sirius paused and listened; the house was virtually silent. Not good.
Walking quickly, Sirius made short work of the first floor, sticking his head into each room and glancing around in an effort to locate Kate. He was unsuccessful. Backtracking, Sirius climbed the stairs to the second floor, repeating his previous process for the tiny library and the sitting room. Empty. Crossing the hallway, Sirius paused in front of Kate's closed bedroom door, glancing over his shoulder for Goldie before knocking softly.
"Kate? Are you in there? I'm back," he called quietly through the door. When there was no immediate response, Sirius placed his ear against the wood, trying to listen for any sound that Kate was in her room. When the door suddenly opened, he had all he could do to catch himself before he fell onto her floor.
"You is late, Mister Sirius," Goldie scolded, hands on her hips as she glared up at him. "We is having dinner without you because we is not knowing when you is coming back. Missy Kate is packing now. You go to your room and pack."
"I will, Goldie; I just want to talk with Kate for a minute," Sirius began, but was met with complete obstinacy on the part of the little house elf who had now folded her arms over her chest.
"You is not talking to Missy Kate now; you is packing for holiday," Goldie advised him. "Now, go to your room, Mister Sirius."
Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise. Clearly, Kate and her mother had been right; Goldie meant business. He shook his head in defeat. "Ok, ok; I'll go and pack. But, Goldie, after I've finished, then can I talk with Kate?"
Goldie glanced at her charge then back at Sirius. "Missy Kate is making that decision for herself," she said sternly. "If Goldie was deciding, it would be 'no', but Goldie is not the one to say."
"Katie?" Sirius risked the wrath of the Morgan house elf. Kate still hadn't spoken to him; hadn't even looked at him and he hated it.
"I'll meet you in the sitting room in thirty minutes," she said, her voice subdued.
Sirius nodded, and then realized that she couldn't see the gesture as she had yet to turn around. "Right. Thirty minutes. Going to pack now," he added, for Goldie's benefit then turned and walked out of Kate's room and down the hallway to his own.
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It took Sirius very little time to pack his small backpack with his clothing, spare shoes and personal items that he would take to Brighton the following day. Some ten minutes after he'd left Kate's room, he was standing at the window of the sitting room, waiting for her to arrive.
He knew he'd screwed up by returning to the house as late as he'd done. I could have Floo called her, he reasoned. I didn't have to stay away as long as I did. She took me in. She cares about me. I care about her; I just…
"Sirius?" At Kate's soft voice, Sirius turned to find her standing in the middle of the room.
"Katie, I'm so sorry," he said quietly, walking toward her. "I know I snapped at you before I left and then I stayed away for a long time. I could have Floo'd to let you know I was ok, but I just … I'm sorry," he said again, reaching for her hand. "Please don't be mad at me; please forgive me."
Kate took his hand and was immediately pulled into a tight embrace. "Let's sit down," she whispered. "I want to talk with you." She felt Sirius shake his head.
"Don't want to talk. Want to stay like this," he said, voice muffled by her hair.
Kate briefly tightened her arms around his waist then let go. "Talk first?"
Sirius nodded and the two sat down on the small sofa before the fireplace.
"Listen, first of all, I'm not mad at you," Kate began. "I was irritated when you first left, but I got over it. I know that sometimes I worry about you more than I should. Today was one of those times. I should remember that you're perfectly capable of wandering around London by yourself. I guess my ego was bruised that you didn't want me along to help you sort out everything that was running through your mind."
"It's not that I didn't want you with me, Katie. It's just – you know when I started running at the end of term?" At her nod, Sirius continued, "well, in the beginning I did it to substitute for the exercise I used to get playing Quidditch. But, as time went on, I realized that it gave me the chance to think – really think; to sort things through without anyone else around. I might not have had the answers when I stopped running, but I'd at least thought about things." He gave her a crooked grin she hadn't seen in quite some time. "Ironic, isn't it? I used to run away from things instead of facing them head on and now, I'm running to try to figure them out."
"Mmm," Kate nodded. "I do get it, you know. I understand that you haven't been running every day since term ended. If it was just the exercise, that would be one thing; you have turned it into something more. Did the walk help?"
Sirius debated telling her about meeting his father and then decided it wasn't fair to withhold the information. "I'm not sure. Maybe. Katie, I didn't tell you everything Dumbledore said in his owl. It's not because I wanted to hide anything from you; it was more that it would have just been one more story about how screwed up my life at home had been, you know?"
"Sirius, it's ok, really." Kate took his hand again.
"Regulus called my father home from Paris after I left Grimmauld Place. He was really upset – Regulus was – and told my father everything about what had happened. He came home straight away. Of course, Regulus didn't know where I'd gone – no one did. My father's first thought was Hogwarts and he went to see Dumbledore," Sirius explained.
"He thought you'd gone back to school," Kate said. At his nod, she added, "Well, it makes sense, given what happened at Christmas, didn't it? What happened when he discovered you weren't there?"
"Well, Dumbledore didn't know anything about what had happened until he talked with my father. He figured out that I'd probably try to get to you because of everything that's happened with James and … everyone. Father had brought the rest of my clothes, my books and my trunk; Regulus had packed everything while he was waiting for him to come back. Dumbledore said my father wanted to meet with me – I could pick the place and time – once Dumbledore knew where I was. Dumbledore thought I should do it, if only to have some closure," Sirius said. "And so my father could reassure Regulus that he'd seen me and that I was alright."
"Are you going to do it?" Kate asked.
Sirius shook his head. "Don't have to any more. I was sitting at Fortescue's having ice cream and my father walked up to the table and asked if he could join me."
Kate's eyes grew large in her face, but she couldn't say a word. Luckily, Sirius simply launched into his conversation with his father, giving her a fair 'word for word' rendition of their encounter. When he'd finished, Kate's eyes were bright with tears on his behalf.
Sirius reached over and brushed his fingers over her cheeks as the moisture fell. "Don't," he whispered. "I already did that and it's ok now. I knew I wasn't a Black going into the conversation; we'd already established – well, re-established – that, hadn't we?"
Kate nodded.
"Now, it's time for me to figure out who I am, right?"
Kate leaned over and kissed his lips gently. "You're very courageous and you're strong. You're a survivor – that much we already know."
Sirius cupped her cheek in his hand and nodded. "I know that I love you and even now, I know that I'm yours – if you still want me. After everything that I've done."
Kate reached up and covered his hand with her own. "I still want you. After everything that you've done – and everything that's been done to you. And I love you, too. Very much."
Sirius smiled and pulled her toward him. "I'm going to kiss you, Kate Morgan; I'm going to kiss you good and proper. And Goldie be damned!" And with that, he lowered his face to hers and made good his promise.
